Gilligan's Island (1964–1992): Season 3, Episode 3 - Pass the Vegetables, Please - full transcript

* just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale *

* a tale of a fateful trip *

* that started
from this tropic port *

* aboard this tiny ship *

* the mate was
a mighty sailin' man *

* the skipper brave and sure *

* 5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour *

* a 3-hour tour *

[thunder]

* the weather started
getting rough *

* the tiny ship was tossed *



* if not for the courage
of the fearless crew *

* the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost *

* the ship set ground
on the shore of this *

* uncharted desert isle *

* with gilligan *

* the skipper, too *

* the millionaire and his wife *

* the movie star *

* the professor and Mary Ann *

* here on gilligan's isle *

How they bitin',
little buddy?

They're not
even gumming.

Skipper,
I got a bite.

A real big one,
skipper.



So do I. Mine must
weigh 50 pounds.

Whoo-hoo!

Watch it,
little buddy.

You're fouling
my line.

Gilligan!

You're fouling
my line.

Now, get it loose!

Watch my line,
little buddy!

You're getting it
all fouled up!

Gilligan!

You're fouling my line.

Now, get it loose!

Get it loose!

Gilligan.

Gill--

aget it, gilligan!
Grab my line!

Will you get my foot
out of this bucket?

Pull!

Uhh!

Alright.

Whose side
are you on,
the fish's?

Now, just get it
yourself!

Gilligan, would you
hand me that shoe?

If that's a fish,
it must come packed in cans.

Oh, boy.
Packages of seeds.

"Beets, carrots,
spinach, vegetables."

Skipper! Professor!
Look what I caught!

Carrots and beets
and spinach!

Vegetables!

Oh, professor,
look at this.

We've got cauliflower.
We've got carrots.

Ah, green peas,
artichokes.

Yeah, and look at this--
Idaho potatoes.

It's been so long
since I've tasted
an Idaho potato,

I won't know
what it tastes like.

Are we gonna grow
Idaho potatoes?

That's right,
little buddy.

We're gonna grow
Idaho potatoes
right here.

They sure are
gonna have to
have long roots.

Gilligan, catching
this box of seeds

is the best thing
you've done since
we were marooned.

Exactly,
little buddy.

If you were a girl,
I'd kiss you.

Lucky me.
I'm a boy.

With these seeds,
we'll have
enough vegetables

as long as we're
forced to stay here.

Oh, and don't forget,

Mary Ann was
raised on a farm,

so she's gonna
be a big help.

Hey, professor,
what's a truffle?

Why it's a subterranean
fungus with solid
tuber-like bodies.

It's known for its
pungent qualities.

It's most delectable.

Yeah, but can
you eat it?

Well, it's
a gourmet's delight.

Yeah, but can
you eat it?

That's what
I've been trying
to tell you, gilligan.

It's delicious.

Oh, you finally
said a word
I understood.

Boy, wait'll
the others
hear about this.

A veritable gold mine
of goodies.

Lovey, look,
your favorite--
little sugar beets!

Oh, thurston,
it's impossible.

No, it isn't.
It says so right
there on the package.

But sugar beets
come in cans.

No, no, first you
have to plant them
in the ground.

Oh, please,
don't be silly.

I've seen them
in their natural
habitat--

a supermarket.

Not shopping,
you understand.
Just sightseeing.

Actually,
I was showing some
visiting royalty

a poverty pocket.

Mrs. Howell,
sugar beets have to
come out of the ground

before you can
put them in cans.

Ew, what a perfectly
ghastly idea.

Well, you'll see
when we plant them
all in the ground.

I hope you're using
the editorial "we."

Thurston
means you can't
expect a howell

to dig
in the ground.

But you have to dig
before you plant.

If you mention
manual labor once more,

I'm gonna order you
off the property.

Now, you see,
gilligan?

Your silly notions
have upset
Mr. Howell.

Mrs. Howell,
if you really
want sugar beets...

Well, I do, I do,
I just adore them.

Well, we all have to
pitch in, then.

Oh, well, I intend
to do my part,
I assure you.

Good. Dig, plant, water,
fertilize, or pick--

which would
you rather do?

Eat.

My beets.

Beets.

Squash.

Lettuce.

My favorite
is spinach.

My favorite doesn't seem
to be here.

Well, spinach,
cucumber...

Truffles?

Don't you know
what a truffle
is?

No. We never grew any
in Kansas.

A truffle is
a subterranean tube

that runs
into a fungus.

Tube that runs
into a fungus?

What?

Uh, I wish
the professor'd

learn to speak
English.

Let's see...Radishes,
Swiss chard...

Carrots!

You like carrots?

Oh, like them?
I love them.

Oh, gilligan, they're
awfully good for you.

Why, the more you eat,
the better your eyesight.

Everybody knows
that carrots are good
for your eyes.

Why, certainly!

After all, did you
ever see a rabbit
wearing glasses?

Whoa, gilligan.

Whoa, gilligan!

Gilligan,
you're supposed to turn
a little to the left.

Skipper, I've never been
a horse before.

Well, how much
do you need to know
to be a horse?

We'll go over it
again.

Now, when I pull
a little,
you turn a little.

When I pull a lot,
you turn a lot.

When I pull
on both of 'em,

you're supposed
to stop!

Have you got it?

I've got it.

Alright,
let's try it again.

Isn't it time
for lunch?

Gilligan, horses
don't eat lunch.

Now, let's
get going.

[Clicking tongue]

Huh?

What do you do
when I say...
[Clicking tongue]?

[Neighs]

Good soil,
but it's much too heavy
for new plants.

Yes, the water
won't drain
well enough

to keep
the seeds moist.

You better
think of something
quick.

The skipper's
sittin' at the table

with a napkin
tucked under his chin.

Well,
he's gonna sit there
for quite a while,

because with this
type of soil,

it'll take
even longer

for the vegetables
to come up.

I think my father
used to use sand
or something

to help the drainage.

That's
a good idea.

Plenty of sand
at the lagoon.

Aw, look. I did
all the weeding
and the planting

and the watering,
and everything.

An excellent
job, at that.

Oh, and we do
need the sand.

Ok, but I bet your father
didn't grow anything

on this farm of his.

He did, too!

How could he?
I wasn't there
to do all the work.

Gilligan, are you
almost finished?

Almost.

A sand castle?

I had some extra sand.

Looks like I'm wasting my time
trying to mold your character.

Is that what
you're tryin' to do?

Why, certainly, gilligan.

Why do you suppose
I have you chop the wood,

bring up the water,
pick up coconuts,

and work on the farm?
I'm trying to strengthen
your character.

I'm trying to make you
officer material!

Me? An officer?
That's impossible.

Why?

I'm too busy being
the whole crew.

Oh, spread the sand,
gilligan.

You just
don't understand--

over there!

Hey, skipper! Professor!
Mary Ann!

What's
the matter?

The spinach
is growing.

Oh, that's impossible.

It is? Look!

Well, we only planted it
3 days ago.

Gilligan, what's
the matter?

The spinach
is growing.

Well,
it can't be!
It takes at--

professor!

They look like
spinach plants.

The carrots.
Are they coming up too?

Are they?
Look!

Oh! Oh, the carrots!
Aren't they beautiful?

Is something wrong,
little buddy?

Nothing's wrong.
Everything's
perfect.

Well, it seems
our vegetables

have not only
taken root,

but they've
begun to grow

at a most
miraculous rate.

Well, just look!
They're popping up
all over the place.

Little buddy,
I want to compliment you.

Thanks, skipper.

You've really done
a fine job.

Put her there, pal!

Eh...

Give me this!

Oh, look, lovey.
Ha ha ha!

Lovey, look. Look
the--the mushrooms
are--are mushing.

Yes, but the beats
are beating them.

Oh, you are
a witty one.

Oh, thank you, dear.

Pretty soon,
the vegetables
will be ready.

Gilligan will pick them,

Mary Ann will
clean them, and ginger
will prepare them.

Yes, but on second thought,
oughtn't we do something?

Oh, perish the thought.

Every hive
must have a queen.

The rest are workers.

Yes, but I feel
a little guilty.

Maybe we should make
some kind of an effort.

What do you suggest?

Well, we could be...
Host and hostess
at a dinner party.

A vegetarian "do"!

I never saw anything
like this back on our farm.

Except under a cow.

What strange-looking
vegetables.

What are these?

Cucumbers,
I think.

And what's this
funny-looking
thing, corn?

Well, i--i--

I guess this is
budget corn,
Mary Ann.

Budget corn?

Yes--making
both ends meet.
Ha ha ha!

A never-ending
delight.

They sure are
funny-lookin'.

Who cares what
they look like?

We've got
fresh vegetables.

Perhaps
being submerged
in salt water

has had an effect
on the seeds.

If my father
ever saw string
beans like this,

I think
he'd faint.

They look more
like pretzel beans.

Pretzels. Oh,
if we only had some
beer to go with 'em!

Skipper, pass
the spinach,
please.

Gilligan, that's
the 4th helping of
spinach you've had.

6th. I snuck 2.

Ginger, would you
please pass the
artichoke, my dear?

Sure, Mr. Howell.
Do you like them?

Thank you. The way
you prepared them

reminds me of
my chef Herman.

It's the only thing
about you that reminds me
of my chef Herman.

Skipper: Professor,
please, the string beans?

Mrs. Howell, please
pass the carrots.

Yes, of course,
dear.

We don't grow carrots
like this back home.

I never realized how much I
missed vegetables until now.

I think
the 2 things
I miss the most

are vegetables
and dates.

We have plenty of dates
here on the island.

Not the kind I miss.

Professor, please,
the string beans?

Could you pass
the spinach back?

May I have
the artichokes?

Since we all seem
to have our favorite
vegetables,

let's move them
near us.

Spinach next to me.

Oh, the carrots,
please.

Oh, I just love beets.
I want the beets!
I adore sugar beets!

[Animated conversation]

Radio: ...Interrupt
this program for
a news bulletin

from the experimental
agriculture laboratories
in Hawaii.

It seems that a box
containing radioactive
seeds is missing.

Shh! I think he said
something about seeds.

The vegetable seeds
were in a small wooden crate
and individually packaged.

These radioactive seeds are
of an experimental nature
and considered dangerous.

The box is clearly
labeled "danger.

Experimental.
Radioactive."

On the chance they
did not fall overboard,

anyone finding them or
knowing anything about them,

please contact the agricultural
department in Hawaii.

Let me repeat: The seeds are
radioactive and considered
extremely dangerous.

Now back to our program
of cheery, daytime tunes!

Professor, you
don't suppose...

He said the crate
was clearly labeled.

But when gilligan
showed us the crate,

it didn't have
a cover on it.

I took
the cover off.

Do you know
where it is?

I made it
into this bench
right here.

Nothing there,
see?

Oh!

Of course,
this book is dated.

It doesn't contain
much information

about the consumption
of radioactive food.

However, it does say
that it's entirely possible
that it could be fatal.

But on the other hand,
it doesn't say that
it must be fatal.

So, you see,
there is no...

Cause for...

Now, what could I have said
to make them faint?

Gilligan, are
you frightened?

No.

You're not?

I'm too scared
to be frightened.

How dumb can I be?

Dumb? Why, you're
the smartest man
I ever knew.

How could I be
so stupid?

Of all the dumb...

Professor, don't
call yourself dumb

just because you
can't find a cure
for this...Disease.

We're doing
the wrong thing.

Lying still
could kill us.

We should be
moving around.

Well, of all
the...

I never heard
of such a thing!

For gosh sake,
professor!

Gilligan!

Oh, skipper,
I gotta sit down.
I'm exhausted.

Don't sit down now,
Mary Ann.

Come on, now,
don't you remember?

The professor said
to keep our blood
circulating.

Otherwise,
that radioactive
stuff

will settle
in one place.
Now, come on.

But I'm tired.
After all, I haven't
got your legs.

Well, it's a good thing you
haven't, Mary Ann,

'cause otherwise
you couldn't get
in those shorts.

Skipper! A boat!
Look!

Where?

Over there!

Where? I don't see
anything.

It's white
with blue trim,

and it has a bridge
or something
covered in glass

and a lifeboat
hanging on the end.

Are you sure?

I don't see
anything.

Mary Ann,
are you alright?

Oh, I'm feeling
fine--

oh, skipper,
I'm not
seeing things!

There's
a boat right
over there.

Professor!
Quick!

Mary Ann, I think
that radioactive stuff

is making you
see things.

Professor, quick!

Come on, Mary Ann.

Professor?

Professor!

What's
the matter?

Oh, there
you are.

Mary Ann
sees a boat
out there.

Oh, it's white
with blue trim.

But I don't see
anything
out there

but water,
Mary Ann.

I can even see
the people on the deck.

There's a man
in a red-and-white stripe
t-shirt,

another man
in a blue shirt
and blue slacks,

and 2 beautiful women
in bikinis.

I wish
I could see that.

But I don't see
anything
out there.

I know I'm not
imagining it.

Why...
It's just as plain
as your book over there.

You can see
my book?

Well, of course.
It's on the stump.

On the hill.

But that's a half
a mile away.

It's, uh,
turned to page 117,

some sort
of chemical equation--

"3no2 + h20 =

2hno3 + no."

Well, that's
incredible!

Well, p-professor,
if she can see the book,

maybe there is
a boat out there!

Why would I say
there was a boat out there
if there wasn't?

Well, keep your eye
on the boat
just in case.

Come on, skipper,
let's give 'em
a signal.

Over here! Oh,
come over here!

Boy, professor,
what a great time
to be rescued.

Now they can take us
to the hospital,

and we can get cured
of the radioactive
whatchamacallit,

whatever it is.

That's it!
That's the reason

for her fantastic
eyesight.

What are you
talking about?

Mary Ann ate
all those carrots.

The radioactive
treatment
of those seeds

must've magnified
the carotene.

Carotene?

That's the chemical
in carrots

that's necessary
for good eyesight.

Well, that proves
that she saw
that boat out there!

Come on, let's get
this fire started.
Gilligan! Gilligan!

W-What are you doing?

Well, obviously, gilligan,
we're building a fire.

For a merit badge, huh?

No, not for a merit badge.
We're trying to signal
that boat out there.

What boat?

The boat out there!

I don't see any boat.

Of course you don't.

Do you?
No.

Professor, do you
see the boat?

Oh, I can't
see it, either.

But it's out
there. Right?

Look, Mary Ann saw
the boat out there.

Can you see Mary Ann?

No. How can I see
Mary Ann when she
isn't even here?

Same way you can
see the boat.

Gilligan, will you
stop that?

Will you go
get some firewood
for the fire?

To signal the boat
that we can't see,
right?

Exactly.
Professor, what kind
of a boat is it
we can't see?

Uh, white with blue trim.
And it's got 2 men
and 2 women on it.

And the women
are wearing bikinis!

Ooh, I wish I could
see them, even if
they're not there.

For the last time, gilligan,
will you get over to that tree

and get some firewood
for the fire?

I have
a better idea.
What?

Since we're making believe
there's a boat, let's
make believe we have a fire.

Gilligan!

I'm going. You
don't have to yell.

Yes, I do! Now, will you
get the firewood?!

Skipper, where
do you want it?

Hey, professor!

Gilligan, little buddy,
how did you
pick that tree up?

With one hand.

What...well,
it must be hollow.

Well, it must weigh
400 or 500 pounds.

Oh, that's ridiculous,
professor. If it
weighed 400 or 500 pounds,

he couldn't
lift it up.
Let me--

uhh.

Unhh!

Uhhh!

Uhhh!

I can't budge it.

Gilligan,
how did you do that?

Spinach.
The spinach.

Gilligan kept
eating the spinach.

The radioactive
treatment of the seeds

must've magnified
the potency of the
of the oxalic minerals.

That's how
you got strength--
from eating spinach.

Well, right now
let's worry about
that boat out there.

Gilligan, since
you're so strong,

break off those branches
and get the fire
going real good.

Alright, gilligan,
now, will you stop
playing games

and put it
on the fire?

You can forget
about the fire.
The boat's gone.

Gilligan, this is
all your fault.

If you hadn't found
that crate of seeds
out there--

hold it, skipper,
hold it. We were
all excited

about finding those seeds,
and he didn't know
they were contaminated.

Oh, of course.
You're right, prof--
I'm sorry, little buddy.

Forgive m--
[Crunch]

Uhh! Uhh! Ohh!

Gilligan, would you
let go? You're
crushing my hand.

What happened?

Well, it's
those radioactive
vegetables,

Mary Ann.
They've given you
fantastic eyesight

and gilligan
superpower.

Why, the potentials
are unlimited.

The increase
in potency of
the vitamins alone

could make us
healthier than
we ever were before.

Yes,
if they don't
kill us first.

Yeah. We'll be
the healthiest
dead people around.

Mrs. Howell.

What about her?

Well, she kept eating
those sugar beets.

Well, so what?

Well, sugar
is energy.

I wonder what effect
it's had on her.

Lovey, what has
happened to you?

Lovey, slow down.

I'm exhausted
just watching you!

At least take
a coffee break.

Good idea.

I may enter that woman
in the Olympics.

Hey, gilligan,
would you mind
putting me down?

I'm getting thirsty.
I'd like to get
something to drink.

Thank you, little buddy.

Say, what about you?
You've been doing
all the exercise.

Aren't you thirsty?

Oh, yeah.
I'll go get us
some coconut milk.

Fine.

Gilligan, you're
a walking disaster area.

You've got to learn
to be careful.

Now, pick up a coconut...
But be gentle.

There.

See?

That's much better.

Now just toss it
over here, gilligan.

Gilligan, I told you
to be careful.

I'll fix it,
skipper.

No, gilligan,
don't touch it!
Uh--

[sighs]

Skipper! Skipper!
Gilligan!

W-What's
happened?

I think I've found
a cure for us.

Well, great!
Yeah!

I've applied
the principles

of theoretic chemistry
to the problem
of radioactivity.

Now, the best preventative
for the internal
bombardment

of radioactive particles
is through their containment
by hydrocarbons.

Would you mind
repeating that?

Not at all.
I've applied
the principles

of theoretic
chemistry

to the problem
of radioactivity.

Oh, come on,
professor,
never mind

all
the scientific
lingo.

What
are you trying
to tell us?

That our best protection
against the vegetables
we've eaten

is through hydroc--
well, that is to say,
through plant fats.

And the best source
of plant fats

is the soap
we've been making
here on the island.

You mean we
have to take a bath
with that soap?

No. We shall have to
consume it internally.

Oh, thank goodness.
For a minute there,

I thought we were
gonna have to eat it.

Do we really
have to eat
the soap, professor?

Absolutely.

Seems a shame
to wash out
my mouth with soap

when I didn't say
anything bad.

Gilligan,
you are gonna eat
a piece of soap,

and I'm gonna sit
here and see
that you do.

Now, take
a piece of soap.

Alright.
Now, start eating.

Gilligan.

Eat.

This stuff just
tastes awful.

Never mind that,
gilligan.

Just do as
the professor says.

Oh! Just
call me "bubbles"!

Oh, my goodness!

This could be
the start of
a whole career!

Ginger Grant--
bubble dancer.

It's working!

The hydrocarbons
are absorbing
the radioactivity!

Keep eating!

When's it
gonna stop?

Everything's
gonna be alright.

[All talking
excitedly at once]

Gilligan, the professor
said we're all cured.

Isn't that good news?

Yeah. But that soap
didn't taste bad

after you got
used to it.

Oh, I thought
it tasted awful.

Mmm. I thought
it tasted good.

Gilligan.

Are you eating
something?

Hmm?

You're not eating...

You're not eating
any more of that soap?

Whatever gave you
that--[Hiccup]--

ID--[hiccup]--
Gilligan?!

Gilligan?

[Boom]

* now this is the tale
of our castaways *

* they're here
for a long, long time *

* they'll have to make
the best of things *

* it's an uphill climb *

* the first mate
and his skipper, too *

* will do their very best *

* to make the others
comfortable *

* in the tropic island nest *

no phone...
No lights...

* no motorcars,
not a single luxury *

* like Robinson crusoe *

* it's primitive
as can be *

* so join us here
each week, my friends *

* you're sure to get a smile *

* from 7 stranded castaways *

* here on gilligan's isle *