Gilligan's Island (1964–1992): Season 3, Episode 2 - Gilligan vs. Gilligan - full transcript
A KGB agent that is identical to Gilligan questions the castaways about the nature of their shipwreck.
* just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale *
* a tale of a fateful trip *
* that started
from this tropic port *
* aboard this tiny ship *
* the mate was
a mighty sailin' man *
* the skipper brave and sure *
* 5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour *
* a 3-hour tour *
* the weather started
getting rough *
* the tiny ship was tossed *
* if not for the courage
of the fearless crew *
* the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost *
* the ship's aground
on the shore of this *
* uncharted desert isle *
* with gilligan *
* the skipper, too *
* the millionaire and his wife *
* the movie star *
* the professor and Mary Ann *
* here
on gilligan's isle *
Oh, hi, skipper.
Hello, professor.
Isn't it
a little early
to be waiting
for lunch?
Well, I'm not
waiting for lunch.
Mary Ann just baked
a coconut pineapple pie
and I wanted to get
the first piece
before gilligan
finds out.
Coconut pineapple pie.
You mind if I join you?
I've been smelling it
all morning.
Just delicious and
creamy and crunchy...
And missing.
Missing?
Oh, I put it out
on the rock
in the clearing to cool,
and it's gone.
But what could
have happened?
I mean, who could
have taken it?
Hi, everybody.
Gilligan!
What did I do?
What did I do?
Oh, gilligan,
what have you got
in your hand?
An empty pie plate.
There was some stuff
on the bottom,
but I licked it
all up. Mmm.
Oh, gilligan,
how could you?
It was easy.
I just used my tongue
and licked it clean.
Gilligan, that pie
was for all of us.
What pie?
Don't you "what pie" me,
former buddy.
Former buddy?
Well, the least
you could have done
was ask first.
I didn't eat the pie.
There wasn't any pie.
It was empty.
On the basis
of circumstantial
evidence,
I'm afraid you're
a prevaricator.
Well, that's better than
calling me a liar.
Gilligan, that's what
prevaricator means.
Alright,
I'll prove it to you.
I'll find out
where that pie
that wasn't there went.
Oh, there's
some pie crust.
Oh, and there's
some more.
Huh, I bet some
monkey's trying to make
a monkey out of me.
Now we'll see
who the monkey is.
Aha!
We should have
made gilligan
cut the coconut
for another pie.
Yes, and slice
the pineapple.
Yes, and make him
sit there and
watch us eat it.
I saw him.
I saw him.
I chased him,
but I lost him.
But I know
he took the pie
because I caught
him eating it.
Caught who,
gilligan?
The guy who took
the pie.
And you want
to know
something funny?
He looks
exactly like me.
You couldn't
tell us apart.
Gilligan, that's
the silliest story
you ever made up.
You didn't eat
the pie.
A guy who looks
just like you
ate the pie.
He did.
I saw him right
across the stream.
There he was--me.
Gilligan, did you say
you looked across the stream?
Yeah,
on the other side.
May I suggest,
gilligan,
that your conscience
became temporarily unable
to handle the guilt
of your misdemeanor,
so you fantasized
an ego image displacement
out of your own reflection.
May I suggest that?
You may suggest that.
But I won't understand it.
What you saw
was your own reflection
in the water.
He wasn't
in the water.
He was
on the other side.
Oh, gilligan,
why don't you
just admit it,
and we'll forget
the whole thing.
No.
Gilligan, repeat
after me:
"You did not see
your double."
You did not see
your double.
But I sure did
see mine.
I've been seen
unfortunately
by one of them.
That could be
most unfortunate.
For you!
Don't worry,
commandant.
His comrades
do not believe him.
Be careful.
We have spared no expense
in preparing you
for this mission.
We have started
movie film
of this gilligan.
We will make you look
exactly like him
with plastic surgery.
But remember,
after this mission
I get my old face
back, da?
Da, but you remember,
you only have
small amount of time
for mission.
In 48 hours, commandant,
I shall find out
who they are,
and what experiment
they are doing
on this forsaken island.
Only 48 hours.
You have nothing
to worry about.
That's true,
but you do.
Signing off.
You there?
That commandant.
Some day I take
the laser beam
and...
Uh-oh.
All the laundry
fell on the ground.
Oh--oh, gilligan.
See what happened,
ginger?
Do you know
I spent all morning
doing that wash?
Look what
you've done.
I didn't do anything.
I was just walking along,
minding my own--
oh, don't give me
any excuses.
Just drop
the whole thing.
Not the line!
Well, make up your mind.
You know, that
wasn't very funny.
I wasn't trying
to be funny.
I was just walking along,
minding my own business
and there was the laundry
on the ground.
Just like you found
the missing pie pan,
I suppose.
Yeah, just like that.
And look.
You see this line's been cut
by a knife or something.
Oh, well,
there's only
one bright spot.
What's that?
You're not twins.
But, ginger,
I didn't--
hey, ginger, wait.
You there?
I am here.
Have been observing
what I am to imitate.
So, imitate!
Da, commandant.
Someone is coming.
I will try imitation
to see if work.
Boo!
Boo who, gilligan?
Boo who?
Well, the proper
greeting is,
"boo, Mrs. Howell"
or "boo, madam".
Depending on how formal
the occasion.
How do I sound,
Mrs. Howell?
The way you always do--
a bit nasal.
Do I look any different?
Hmm, no.
But if you're
contemplating a change,
I heartily approve.
Thank you, Mrs. Howell.
Thank you for what?
For telling me
I look like gilligan,
and I sound like gilligan.
People say thanks
for the strangest things.
Gilligan, Mr. Howell's
clothes and my clothes.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Howell.
They just fell on the ground.
Oh, they're not only
touching the ground,
they're touching
other people's clothes.
Go on, pick them up
right away.
Come along.
Pick them up.
Pick them up.
You heard?
I heard.
He's very easy
to imitate, this gilligan, no?
He's very easy
to imitate, yes.
Say first dumb thing
that comes to my head--
I am gilligan.
Good.
Now you must remove
the real gilligan
and take his place.
At once, commandant.
You think I care
they went fishing
without me?
I don't care about fishing
one little bit.
I don't even like fishing.
In fact, I hate fishing!
Hi, guys.
How was the fishing?
Disappointing
to say the least.
2 turtle eggs
are hardly
nourishing enough
for 7 people.
Well, at least
we've got some
pie for dessert.
That is, unless
you've already
eaten the pie
that Mary Ann
just baked.
I didn't eat the pie
Mary Ann just baked,
and I didn't eat the pie
she baked this morning,
either.
Gilligan, we've already
established the fact
that you did eat it.
Right.
Oh, yeah,
I keep forgetting.
I looked across the stream,
and there I was
eating the pie.
Heavens to Freud!
This boy needs
the couch!
Mr. Howell,
gilligan thought
he saw someone who looked
just like him.
Same old clothes,
same old hat,
same old shiny gold
pocket knife.
What same old,
shiny gold
pocket knife?
Like this...
I don't have one.
Oh, make that
2 couches.
That boy
really needs help.
Did you say this fellow
who looked like you
had a shiny gold
pocket knife?
Uh-huh.
A real big one
with all sorts
of blades.
My grandfather
had one like that.
It has all kinds
of attachments.
A screwdriver,
and a can opener--
never mind,
gilligan!
Perhaps we should
investigate this.
Before lunch?
Not even Perry Mason
investigates on
an empty stomach.
Come on, now,
professor,
do you really think
someone else is
on this island?
Shiny gold
pocket knife.
Even gilligan wouldn't invent
a curious detail like that.
Come on, let's go.
Alright,
let's go.
Mr. Howell,
aren't you coming?
No, gilligan,
there are 2 things
I detest.
One is investigating
a mystery before lunch.
And the other?
Any sort of danger.
See you later,
dear boy.
Well?
I went that way.
No, I just remembered--
I just remembered
I went that way.
I think.
Well, why don't
we separate
and each take
a different
direction?
Good idea, professor.
Now if anybody
sees anything
or finds anything,
just yell.
Especially somebody
that looks like me
holding a shiny gold
pocket knife.
Especially that.
Hey, somebody,
I found a knapsack.
I wonder if it's mine.
I mean I wonder if
it's the other me's mine.
Skipper!
Professor!
I wonder who he is
and where he went.
Skipper!
Professor!
Gilligan!
Over here!
Oh, wait 'till they see
this knapsack.
Ooh, it'll really
knock 'em out.
Gilligan's up ahead
there somewhere.
I just heard him call.
Well, perhaps
he's made contact with
that other gilligan.
Other gilligan?
Oh, boy, that's all
we need on this island
is another gilligan.
Come on, professor.
In my country
you couldn't even
be spy third class.
You know, skipper,
I think I may have
an answer
to the mystery
of the other gilligan
and the shiny gold
pocket knife.
Where is gilligan?
Oh, here I am.
It's about time.
Yeah, you probably
won't believe this,
but I was walking along
and I tripped over
a palm throng
and fell into
a pineapple patch.
I believe it.
I believe it!
You do?
Uh, yeah, that's
what happened.
You know, gilligan,
I don't like to make
you feel foolish,
but you didn't see
a shiny gold pocket knife
or a stranger who looked
just like you.
I didn't?
No, what you saw
was your reflection
in the water
and the shiny gold knife
was the shadow of a leaf
lit by the sun. You see?
Oh, I sure feel silly.
You know, I guess
the next time I tell you
about a guy
that looks like me
with a shiny gold pocket knife
and a funny knapsack,
you won't even listen.
You bet we won't.
Come on, professor.
Wait--wait a minute.
What funny knapsack?
Oh, I didn't tell you
about the funny knapsack?
No, you didn't.
Oh, well, it was purple
and it had pink stripes
and it played
the star spangled banner
when you waved it
and I didn't tell you
about it because
I didn't think you'd
believe me.
You're right.
We wouldn't.
That's why
I didn't tell you,
comman--i mean, skipper.
Let's go, skipper.
You know, gilligan,
when they were
passing out the brains,
you weren't at the end
of the line.
You were on vacation!
That's what you think,
fatso.
Agent 222 reporting.
Phase one completed.
Operation 2-7-5-4--
enough, already!
Check out your laser beam
transmitter tape recorder.
Da, commandant.
It is in perfect order,
as usual.
Good.
Now question them.
We will monitor
all conversations.
I am proceeding
according to plan.
My superiors are
growing impatient.
I have already
gained their confidence.
I will find out
what they know
as soon as you hang up.
When you have gotten
the information,
accomplish phase 4.
I do not think
phase 4 will be
necessary.
You will do
as you are told!
I will do
the thinking!
Da, commandant.
Phase 4.
Hurry up,
gilligan!
It's time for lunch.
Coming, skipper.
I don't eat soon,
I'll die!
So, what?
What is one day
more or less?
Hey, skipper?
Hmm?
I've been thinking...
About life.
You never know
what to expect.
You can say that again.
Like, 10 years ago,
who would've figured
we'd be here
on this island,
sharing our load
and pulling for
the common cause?
What's the matter?
Did I say something
wrong?
You're whittling
in my water.
Oh. Sorry.
Like I was saying,
sharing our load
and pulling for
the common cause.
Gilligan, would you mind
pulling away further?
We keep locking oars.
I'm sorry.
What's the matter with you
tonight anyway?
Nothing. I was just
thinking about life
and why we're here.
Well, you know
as well as I do
why we're here.
Sure, but I was
just thinking about it.
Don't you want
to talk about it?
I mean, maybe you'll
feel better if you
talk about it.
What, are you trying
to make me sore or something?
No.
Well, that's funny.
I thought maybe
congratulations
were in order,
you're doing such
a good job!
Now, go to bed,
will you, gilligan?
I'm sorry, skipper.
I didn't mean
to make you sore.
You didn't!
You didn't!
Goodnight!
Goodnight.
But if you did
want to talk about it,
it'd be between
just you and me,
and you wouldn't have to
feel guilty about it
or anything.
Guilty?
About why we're here?
All this time you've been
thinking about it.
Now you're finally
saying it.
Saying what?
Go ahead, say it--
I'm a rotten sailor
and we're shipwrecked
because of me!
Yes, sir.
You're a rotten sailor--
no, I don't mean that.
You're not sore,
are you, skipper?
Sore?
You heard?
I heard.
I no do so good, huh?
You do terrible.
Tomorrow I do better.
You better do better.
Ah, I have other idea.
Tomorrow I work
in other area...
Where I'm expert.
If you do not do better...
You are still there?
Phooey on you!
Aha! I am still here!
Correction.
Phooey on me.
Ginger?
Hmm?
Gilligan's been acting
strangely tonight.
Oh, well, it's
normal for gilligan
to act strange.
He's acting strange
in a very strange way.
Maybe he's having
growing pains.
That's true.
None of us on the island
are growing any younger.
Speak for yourself.
But I'm worried
about him, ginger.
Are you sure it's just
growing pains?
Sure. It's just
normal, healthy
growing pains.
Alone at last!
Gilligan!
Oh, I know you love me
almost as much
as I have loved you.
You've gone
stark raving mad!
I've been mad, mad, mad
for you!
Like you for me.
Gilligan,
try to catch
hold of yourself.
Oh, I've adored you
ever since the first day
I came on this assignment.
Now, listen, sweetie,
listen, sweetie,
I don't want
to hurt your feelings--
assignment?
What assignment?
Oh, you tell me,
passion flower.
I've heard
of growing pains,
but this is ridiculous!
Don't be frightened,
my beauty.
I'll kiss
all your fears away.
And then we'll talk
or we can talk first
and them--mmm-wah!
Gilligan! I just
remembered something.
I left
some water boiling.
I've got to go.
No, don't go. Don't go.
I heard that.
I don't understand.
Last time
I used romance,
it worked good.
That was in France.
These are Americans!
You are right,
commandant.
I am always right.
Now, Americans
think of money.
Da, but--
so talk to wealthy
capitalists.
Get information
from the howells.
Signing off now.
Should've listened
to my mother.
I'd be a doctor now.
And that, my dear,
is checkmate!
Ha ha ha!
Thurston, you've
done it again.
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Howell.
Oh, good, gilligan.
You're just on time
to take my place.
Thurston won again.
He always wins.
You know, sometimes
I think people
let me win
because I'm rich.
And you want
to know something?
That's exactly the way
it should be.
I'm not very good
at this, Mr. Howell.
Yes, well,
that's alright.
You just lost
your pawn.
That's the way it goes
in life.
Some of us are like pawns.
Aw, gilligan,
you're a philosopher.
I've been thinking about us
here on the island,
the way we're manipulated,
told what to do.
Oh, you mean, the way
the captain orders us
around.
No, I wasn't thinking
of him.
I was thinking of someone
higher up.
Higher up?
Who can be higher up
than the captain?
Oh, yes, of course.
The howells.
Your queen
is vulnerable.
Go ahead, my boy.
We're all vulnerable,
Mr. Howell.
Especially when we're doing
what we're doing here?
What are we doing here?
We're wasting time,
that's what we're
doing.
Now, let's get on
with the game.
Mr. Howell, you just
moved your king
to a new place.
Wait a minute!
Young man, are you
accusing a howell
of cheating?
I'll have you know
I'm far too wealthy.
To cheat?
No, to be accused.
Yii!
Oh, you hurt
his feelings.
Mrs. Howell, can you
and I have a talk?
Whatever about?
About the project
and the part you play.
Oh, I always play
lady Macbeth.
I love the part
where she washes
her hands.
Of course, I only
act for charities,
you know,
never
professionally.
Mrs. Howell,
we must have a long talk.
Oh, yes, dear.
You just call me anytime.
Now, you run along.
This promises to be
a very slow social season.
I know. I know.
Please, please, please,
one at a time.
Well, he thinks that
I wrecked the minnow.
He thinks
that I'm madly
in love with him.
He accused thurston
of cheating.
Oh, dear!
I was afraid of that.
According to the symptoms,
gilligan is having
all kinds of delusions.
He may be heading for real
psychological problems.
Oh, dear. Maybe we should
do something to help
the poor boy.
What can we do,
professor?
Well, first of all,
we must be patient.
There's a possibility that
gilligan may free himself
of whatever has gripped him.
I got to get back to camp
and warn the others.
Now, the best way
to be of help
in situations involving
a psychological crisis
is to deal
with the ego identity
without destroying
the existing fixations
and causing traumatic
disorientation.
Please, professor,
in English.
Well, accept him.
Humor him.
Go along with whatever
he says or does.
Hey, ginger!
Ginger, ginger, ginger,
guess what happened!
What? What?
I was hit in the head
and kidnapped.
Oh, that's
very nice, gilligan.
"That's very nice,
gilligan"?
Hey, but you don't see--
sorry, Mary Ann.
I didn't mean
to bump into you.
That's quite alright,
gilligan.
You can bump into me
anytime you like.
Why would I want
to bump into you?
Well, I don't know.
If it makes you happy, bump.
Hello, gilligan.
Mrs. Howell, I was hit
in the head and kidnapped.
Oh, you poor boy.
But I'm ok now.
Yes, that's
what you think.
What's going on?
Has everybody flipped
here on the island?
How about going fishing?
Oh, skipper, am I glad
to see you.
Well, and I'm glad
to see you.
I was hit in the head
and kidnapped.
Well, isn't that
something?
You know by who?
Captain hook?
No. The guy that
looks like me.
Well, now that
that's all over,
let's go fishing.
No. We have to organize
a search party
and carry clubs,
'cause he's dangerous.
That's a good idea,
gilligan.
We'll do it right after
we're through fishing.
No, skipper, we have to--
but I was hit in the...
How come nobody cares
what's going on here?
There he goes now.
Alright.
I know you're in here.
Ah-choo!
Your mission is over.
Return to the ship.
We leave immediately!
Stop him! Stop him!
Somebody, stop him!
Stop him! Stop him!
Somebody stop him!
Hey!
Hey!
I almost forget
to kill them.
Aha! This simple-looking
knife, my friend,
is the end of you.
Look, just stay there.
I got to show the others
that you and me and me
and you look like us.
You don't understand.
This innocent-looking
knife has over
200 functions.
One is a death ray.
A death ray?
Do you have anything to say
before I kill you?
Yeah, your boat
just sailed.
Wait for me!
I am on your side!
Wait! Wait!
Hey!
If they didn't believe me
about the pie,
they'll never believe me
about this.
I don't believe it myself.
You don't believe it,
do you, gilligan?
Of course not.
See?
Little buddy,
you've got to trust me now,
because, well, really,
this is for your own good.
Ok, skipper.
Alright, gilligan.
Now, nobody had a knife
that could do 200 things,
did they?
No.
And nobody had a death ray.
No.
And who are you?
Gilligan.
And who am I?
The skipper.
Gilligan, I think
you're finally cured.
Oh, thanks a lot,
skipper.
Hi, skipper.
Oh, professor.
Well, you're up kind
of late, aren't you?
Well, I've been
working on this.
Found it
at the lagoon.
It's ruined now.
Well, it looks ok to me.
Well,
to cut with maybe,
but, you know,
this knife could
once do, perhaps,
200 different things.
It could be
a transmitter,
tape recorder,
laser beam...
Maybe even a death ray.
Well, goodnight.
Ha ha.
Goodnight, professor.
Little buddy?
Speak to me.
Goodnight, skipper.
* now this is a tale
of our castaways *
* they're here
for a long, long time *
* they'll have to make
the best of things *
* it's an uphill climb *
* the first mate
and his skipper, too *
* will do their very best *
* to make the others
comfortable *
* in their tropic island nest *
* no phone, no light *
* no motorcars,
not a single luxury *
* like Robinson crusoe *
* it's primitive as can be *
* so join us here
each week, my friends *
* you're sure to get a smile *
* from 7 stranded castaways *
* here on gilligan's isle *
and you'll hear a tale *
* a tale of a fateful trip *
* that started
from this tropic port *
* aboard this tiny ship *
* the mate was
a mighty sailin' man *
* the skipper brave and sure *
* 5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour *
* a 3-hour tour *
* the weather started
getting rough *
* the tiny ship was tossed *
* if not for the courage
of the fearless crew *
* the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost *
* the ship's aground
on the shore of this *
* uncharted desert isle *
* with gilligan *
* the skipper, too *
* the millionaire and his wife *
* the movie star *
* the professor and Mary Ann *
* here
on gilligan's isle *
Oh, hi, skipper.
Hello, professor.
Isn't it
a little early
to be waiting
for lunch?
Well, I'm not
waiting for lunch.
Mary Ann just baked
a coconut pineapple pie
and I wanted to get
the first piece
before gilligan
finds out.
Coconut pineapple pie.
You mind if I join you?
I've been smelling it
all morning.
Just delicious and
creamy and crunchy...
And missing.
Missing?
Oh, I put it out
on the rock
in the clearing to cool,
and it's gone.
But what could
have happened?
I mean, who could
have taken it?
Hi, everybody.
Gilligan!
What did I do?
What did I do?
Oh, gilligan,
what have you got
in your hand?
An empty pie plate.
There was some stuff
on the bottom,
but I licked it
all up. Mmm.
Oh, gilligan,
how could you?
It was easy.
I just used my tongue
and licked it clean.
Gilligan, that pie
was for all of us.
What pie?
Don't you "what pie" me,
former buddy.
Former buddy?
Well, the least
you could have done
was ask first.
I didn't eat the pie.
There wasn't any pie.
It was empty.
On the basis
of circumstantial
evidence,
I'm afraid you're
a prevaricator.
Well, that's better than
calling me a liar.
Gilligan, that's what
prevaricator means.
Alright,
I'll prove it to you.
I'll find out
where that pie
that wasn't there went.
Oh, there's
some pie crust.
Oh, and there's
some more.
Huh, I bet some
monkey's trying to make
a monkey out of me.
Now we'll see
who the monkey is.
Aha!
We should have
made gilligan
cut the coconut
for another pie.
Yes, and slice
the pineapple.
Yes, and make him
sit there and
watch us eat it.
I saw him.
I saw him.
I chased him,
but I lost him.
But I know
he took the pie
because I caught
him eating it.
Caught who,
gilligan?
The guy who took
the pie.
And you want
to know
something funny?
He looks
exactly like me.
You couldn't
tell us apart.
Gilligan, that's
the silliest story
you ever made up.
You didn't eat
the pie.
A guy who looks
just like you
ate the pie.
He did.
I saw him right
across the stream.
There he was--me.
Gilligan, did you say
you looked across the stream?
Yeah,
on the other side.
May I suggest,
gilligan,
that your conscience
became temporarily unable
to handle the guilt
of your misdemeanor,
so you fantasized
an ego image displacement
out of your own reflection.
May I suggest that?
You may suggest that.
But I won't understand it.
What you saw
was your own reflection
in the water.
He wasn't
in the water.
He was
on the other side.
Oh, gilligan,
why don't you
just admit it,
and we'll forget
the whole thing.
No.
Gilligan, repeat
after me:
"You did not see
your double."
You did not see
your double.
But I sure did
see mine.
I've been seen
unfortunately
by one of them.
That could be
most unfortunate.
For you!
Don't worry,
commandant.
His comrades
do not believe him.
Be careful.
We have spared no expense
in preparing you
for this mission.
We have started
movie film
of this gilligan.
We will make you look
exactly like him
with plastic surgery.
But remember,
after this mission
I get my old face
back, da?
Da, but you remember,
you only have
small amount of time
for mission.
In 48 hours, commandant,
I shall find out
who they are,
and what experiment
they are doing
on this forsaken island.
Only 48 hours.
You have nothing
to worry about.
That's true,
but you do.
Signing off.
You there?
That commandant.
Some day I take
the laser beam
and...
Uh-oh.
All the laundry
fell on the ground.
Oh--oh, gilligan.
See what happened,
ginger?
Do you know
I spent all morning
doing that wash?
Look what
you've done.
I didn't do anything.
I was just walking along,
minding my own--
oh, don't give me
any excuses.
Just drop
the whole thing.
Not the line!
Well, make up your mind.
You know, that
wasn't very funny.
I wasn't trying
to be funny.
I was just walking along,
minding my own business
and there was the laundry
on the ground.
Just like you found
the missing pie pan,
I suppose.
Yeah, just like that.
And look.
You see this line's been cut
by a knife or something.
Oh, well,
there's only
one bright spot.
What's that?
You're not twins.
But, ginger,
I didn't--
hey, ginger, wait.
You there?
I am here.
Have been observing
what I am to imitate.
So, imitate!
Da, commandant.
Someone is coming.
I will try imitation
to see if work.
Boo!
Boo who, gilligan?
Boo who?
Well, the proper
greeting is,
"boo, Mrs. Howell"
or "boo, madam".
Depending on how formal
the occasion.
How do I sound,
Mrs. Howell?
The way you always do--
a bit nasal.
Do I look any different?
Hmm, no.
But if you're
contemplating a change,
I heartily approve.
Thank you, Mrs. Howell.
Thank you for what?
For telling me
I look like gilligan,
and I sound like gilligan.
People say thanks
for the strangest things.
Gilligan, Mr. Howell's
clothes and my clothes.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Howell.
They just fell on the ground.
Oh, they're not only
touching the ground,
they're touching
other people's clothes.
Go on, pick them up
right away.
Come along.
Pick them up.
Pick them up.
You heard?
I heard.
He's very easy
to imitate, this gilligan, no?
He's very easy
to imitate, yes.
Say first dumb thing
that comes to my head--
I am gilligan.
Good.
Now you must remove
the real gilligan
and take his place.
At once, commandant.
You think I care
they went fishing
without me?
I don't care about fishing
one little bit.
I don't even like fishing.
In fact, I hate fishing!
Hi, guys.
How was the fishing?
Disappointing
to say the least.
2 turtle eggs
are hardly
nourishing enough
for 7 people.
Well, at least
we've got some
pie for dessert.
That is, unless
you've already
eaten the pie
that Mary Ann
just baked.
I didn't eat the pie
Mary Ann just baked,
and I didn't eat the pie
she baked this morning,
either.
Gilligan, we've already
established the fact
that you did eat it.
Right.
Oh, yeah,
I keep forgetting.
I looked across the stream,
and there I was
eating the pie.
Heavens to Freud!
This boy needs
the couch!
Mr. Howell,
gilligan thought
he saw someone who looked
just like him.
Same old clothes,
same old hat,
same old shiny gold
pocket knife.
What same old,
shiny gold
pocket knife?
Like this...
I don't have one.
Oh, make that
2 couches.
That boy
really needs help.
Did you say this fellow
who looked like you
had a shiny gold
pocket knife?
Uh-huh.
A real big one
with all sorts
of blades.
My grandfather
had one like that.
It has all kinds
of attachments.
A screwdriver,
and a can opener--
never mind,
gilligan!
Perhaps we should
investigate this.
Before lunch?
Not even Perry Mason
investigates on
an empty stomach.
Come on, now,
professor,
do you really think
someone else is
on this island?
Shiny gold
pocket knife.
Even gilligan wouldn't invent
a curious detail like that.
Come on, let's go.
Alright,
let's go.
Mr. Howell,
aren't you coming?
No, gilligan,
there are 2 things
I detest.
One is investigating
a mystery before lunch.
And the other?
Any sort of danger.
See you later,
dear boy.
Well?
I went that way.
No, I just remembered--
I just remembered
I went that way.
I think.
Well, why don't
we separate
and each take
a different
direction?
Good idea, professor.
Now if anybody
sees anything
or finds anything,
just yell.
Especially somebody
that looks like me
holding a shiny gold
pocket knife.
Especially that.
Hey, somebody,
I found a knapsack.
I wonder if it's mine.
I mean I wonder if
it's the other me's mine.
Skipper!
Professor!
I wonder who he is
and where he went.
Skipper!
Professor!
Gilligan!
Over here!
Oh, wait 'till they see
this knapsack.
Ooh, it'll really
knock 'em out.
Gilligan's up ahead
there somewhere.
I just heard him call.
Well, perhaps
he's made contact with
that other gilligan.
Other gilligan?
Oh, boy, that's all
we need on this island
is another gilligan.
Come on, professor.
In my country
you couldn't even
be spy third class.
You know, skipper,
I think I may have
an answer
to the mystery
of the other gilligan
and the shiny gold
pocket knife.
Where is gilligan?
Oh, here I am.
It's about time.
Yeah, you probably
won't believe this,
but I was walking along
and I tripped over
a palm throng
and fell into
a pineapple patch.
I believe it.
I believe it!
You do?
Uh, yeah, that's
what happened.
You know, gilligan,
I don't like to make
you feel foolish,
but you didn't see
a shiny gold pocket knife
or a stranger who looked
just like you.
I didn't?
No, what you saw
was your reflection
in the water
and the shiny gold knife
was the shadow of a leaf
lit by the sun. You see?
Oh, I sure feel silly.
You know, I guess
the next time I tell you
about a guy
that looks like me
with a shiny gold pocket knife
and a funny knapsack,
you won't even listen.
You bet we won't.
Come on, professor.
Wait--wait a minute.
What funny knapsack?
Oh, I didn't tell you
about the funny knapsack?
No, you didn't.
Oh, well, it was purple
and it had pink stripes
and it played
the star spangled banner
when you waved it
and I didn't tell you
about it because
I didn't think you'd
believe me.
You're right.
We wouldn't.
That's why
I didn't tell you,
comman--i mean, skipper.
Let's go, skipper.
You know, gilligan,
when they were
passing out the brains,
you weren't at the end
of the line.
You were on vacation!
That's what you think,
fatso.
Agent 222 reporting.
Phase one completed.
Operation 2-7-5-4--
enough, already!
Check out your laser beam
transmitter tape recorder.
Da, commandant.
It is in perfect order,
as usual.
Good.
Now question them.
We will monitor
all conversations.
I am proceeding
according to plan.
My superiors are
growing impatient.
I have already
gained their confidence.
I will find out
what they know
as soon as you hang up.
When you have gotten
the information,
accomplish phase 4.
I do not think
phase 4 will be
necessary.
You will do
as you are told!
I will do
the thinking!
Da, commandant.
Phase 4.
Hurry up,
gilligan!
It's time for lunch.
Coming, skipper.
I don't eat soon,
I'll die!
So, what?
What is one day
more or less?
Hey, skipper?
Hmm?
I've been thinking...
About life.
You never know
what to expect.
You can say that again.
Like, 10 years ago,
who would've figured
we'd be here
on this island,
sharing our load
and pulling for
the common cause?
What's the matter?
Did I say something
wrong?
You're whittling
in my water.
Oh. Sorry.
Like I was saying,
sharing our load
and pulling for
the common cause.
Gilligan, would you mind
pulling away further?
We keep locking oars.
I'm sorry.
What's the matter with you
tonight anyway?
Nothing. I was just
thinking about life
and why we're here.
Well, you know
as well as I do
why we're here.
Sure, but I was
just thinking about it.
Don't you want
to talk about it?
I mean, maybe you'll
feel better if you
talk about it.
What, are you trying
to make me sore or something?
No.
Well, that's funny.
I thought maybe
congratulations
were in order,
you're doing such
a good job!
Now, go to bed,
will you, gilligan?
I'm sorry, skipper.
I didn't mean
to make you sore.
You didn't!
You didn't!
Goodnight!
Goodnight.
But if you did
want to talk about it,
it'd be between
just you and me,
and you wouldn't have to
feel guilty about it
or anything.
Guilty?
About why we're here?
All this time you've been
thinking about it.
Now you're finally
saying it.
Saying what?
Go ahead, say it--
I'm a rotten sailor
and we're shipwrecked
because of me!
Yes, sir.
You're a rotten sailor--
no, I don't mean that.
You're not sore,
are you, skipper?
Sore?
You heard?
I heard.
I no do so good, huh?
You do terrible.
Tomorrow I do better.
You better do better.
Ah, I have other idea.
Tomorrow I work
in other area...
Where I'm expert.
If you do not do better...
You are still there?
Phooey on you!
Aha! I am still here!
Correction.
Phooey on me.
Ginger?
Hmm?
Gilligan's been acting
strangely tonight.
Oh, well, it's
normal for gilligan
to act strange.
He's acting strange
in a very strange way.
Maybe he's having
growing pains.
That's true.
None of us on the island
are growing any younger.
Speak for yourself.
But I'm worried
about him, ginger.
Are you sure it's just
growing pains?
Sure. It's just
normal, healthy
growing pains.
Alone at last!
Gilligan!
Oh, I know you love me
almost as much
as I have loved you.
You've gone
stark raving mad!
I've been mad, mad, mad
for you!
Like you for me.
Gilligan,
try to catch
hold of yourself.
Oh, I've adored you
ever since the first day
I came on this assignment.
Now, listen, sweetie,
listen, sweetie,
I don't want
to hurt your feelings--
assignment?
What assignment?
Oh, you tell me,
passion flower.
I've heard
of growing pains,
but this is ridiculous!
Don't be frightened,
my beauty.
I'll kiss
all your fears away.
And then we'll talk
or we can talk first
and them--mmm-wah!
Gilligan! I just
remembered something.
I left
some water boiling.
I've got to go.
No, don't go. Don't go.
I heard that.
I don't understand.
Last time
I used romance,
it worked good.
That was in France.
These are Americans!
You are right,
commandant.
I am always right.
Now, Americans
think of money.
Da, but--
so talk to wealthy
capitalists.
Get information
from the howells.
Signing off now.
Should've listened
to my mother.
I'd be a doctor now.
And that, my dear,
is checkmate!
Ha ha ha!
Thurston, you've
done it again.
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Howell.
Oh, good, gilligan.
You're just on time
to take my place.
Thurston won again.
He always wins.
You know, sometimes
I think people
let me win
because I'm rich.
And you want
to know something?
That's exactly the way
it should be.
I'm not very good
at this, Mr. Howell.
Yes, well,
that's alright.
You just lost
your pawn.
That's the way it goes
in life.
Some of us are like pawns.
Aw, gilligan,
you're a philosopher.
I've been thinking about us
here on the island,
the way we're manipulated,
told what to do.
Oh, you mean, the way
the captain orders us
around.
No, I wasn't thinking
of him.
I was thinking of someone
higher up.
Higher up?
Who can be higher up
than the captain?
Oh, yes, of course.
The howells.
Your queen
is vulnerable.
Go ahead, my boy.
We're all vulnerable,
Mr. Howell.
Especially when we're doing
what we're doing here?
What are we doing here?
We're wasting time,
that's what we're
doing.
Now, let's get on
with the game.
Mr. Howell, you just
moved your king
to a new place.
Wait a minute!
Young man, are you
accusing a howell
of cheating?
I'll have you know
I'm far too wealthy.
To cheat?
No, to be accused.
Yii!
Oh, you hurt
his feelings.
Mrs. Howell, can you
and I have a talk?
Whatever about?
About the project
and the part you play.
Oh, I always play
lady Macbeth.
I love the part
where she washes
her hands.
Of course, I only
act for charities,
you know,
never
professionally.
Mrs. Howell,
we must have a long talk.
Oh, yes, dear.
You just call me anytime.
Now, you run along.
This promises to be
a very slow social season.
I know. I know.
Please, please, please,
one at a time.
Well, he thinks that
I wrecked the minnow.
He thinks
that I'm madly
in love with him.
He accused thurston
of cheating.
Oh, dear!
I was afraid of that.
According to the symptoms,
gilligan is having
all kinds of delusions.
He may be heading for real
psychological problems.
Oh, dear. Maybe we should
do something to help
the poor boy.
What can we do,
professor?
Well, first of all,
we must be patient.
There's a possibility that
gilligan may free himself
of whatever has gripped him.
I got to get back to camp
and warn the others.
Now, the best way
to be of help
in situations involving
a psychological crisis
is to deal
with the ego identity
without destroying
the existing fixations
and causing traumatic
disorientation.
Please, professor,
in English.
Well, accept him.
Humor him.
Go along with whatever
he says or does.
Hey, ginger!
Ginger, ginger, ginger,
guess what happened!
What? What?
I was hit in the head
and kidnapped.
Oh, that's
very nice, gilligan.
"That's very nice,
gilligan"?
Hey, but you don't see--
sorry, Mary Ann.
I didn't mean
to bump into you.
That's quite alright,
gilligan.
You can bump into me
anytime you like.
Why would I want
to bump into you?
Well, I don't know.
If it makes you happy, bump.
Hello, gilligan.
Mrs. Howell, I was hit
in the head and kidnapped.
Oh, you poor boy.
But I'm ok now.
Yes, that's
what you think.
What's going on?
Has everybody flipped
here on the island?
How about going fishing?
Oh, skipper, am I glad
to see you.
Well, and I'm glad
to see you.
I was hit in the head
and kidnapped.
Well, isn't that
something?
You know by who?
Captain hook?
No. The guy that
looks like me.
Well, now that
that's all over,
let's go fishing.
No. We have to organize
a search party
and carry clubs,
'cause he's dangerous.
That's a good idea,
gilligan.
We'll do it right after
we're through fishing.
No, skipper, we have to--
but I was hit in the...
How come nobody cares
what's going on here?
There he goes now.
Alright.
I know you're in here.
Ah-choo!
Your mission is over.
Return to the ship.
We leave immediately!
Stop him! Stop him!
Somebody, stop him!
Stop him! Stop him!
Somebody stop him!
Hey!
Hey!
I almost forget
to kill them.
Aha! This simple-looking
knife, my friend,
is the end of you.
Look, just stay there.
I got to show the others
that you and me and me
and you look like us.
You don't understand.
This innocent-looking
knife has over
200 functions.
One is a death ray.
A death ray?
Do you have anything to say
before I kill you?
Yeah, your boat
just sailed.
Wait for me!
I am on your side!
Wait! Wait!
Hey!
If they didn't believe me
about the pie,
they'll never believe me
about this.
I don't believe it myself.
You don't believe it,
do you, gilligan?
Of course not.
See?
Little buddy,
you've got to trust me now,
because, well, really,
this is for your own good.
Ok, skipper.
Alright, gilligan.
Now, nobody had a knife
that could do 200 things,
did they?
No.
And nobody had a death ray.
No.
And who are you?
Gilligan.
And who am I?
The skipper.
Gilligan, I think
you're finally cured.
Oh, thanks a lot,
skipper.
Hi, skipper.
Oh, professor.
Well, you're up kind
of late, aren't you?
Well, I've been
working on this.
Found it
at the lagoon.
It's ruined now.
Well, it looks ok to me.
Well,
to cut with maybe,
but, you know,
this knife could
once do, perhaps,
200 different things.
It could be
a transmitter,
tape recorder,
laser beam...
Maybe even a death ray.
Well, goodnight.
Ha ha.
Goodnight, professor.
Little buddy?
Speak to me.
Goodnight, skipper.
* now this is a tale
of our castaways *
* they're here
for a long, long time *
* they'll have to make
the best of things *
* it's an uphill climb *
* the first mate
and his skipper, too *
* will do their very best *
* to make the others
comfortable *
* in their tropic island nest *
* no phone, no light *
* no motorcars,
not a single luxury *
* like Robinson crusoe *
* it's primitive as can be *
* so join us here
each week, my friends *
* you're sure to get a smile *
* from 7 stranded castaways *
* here on gilligan's isle *