Gilligan's Island (1964–1992): Season 3, Episode 18 - The Hunter - full transcript

Sure is a lot
of static today.

Must be a big storm
someplace.

I'm going to have
to turn it off.

Hey! Hey!
Hey, we're rescued!

Hey! Hey!

Hey, mister!
Hey, mister!
Hey, mister!

Mister, am I glad
to see you!

My name's Kincaid,
Jonathan Kincaid.

Oh, yeah.
I'm gilligan.

You don't know what
we've been through.

We got
no television,
no hot dogs,
no licorice whips--



we? You mean
there's other people

on this island
besides you?
Yeah,
there's 6 of us.

They're on
the other side
of the island.

We were
shipwrecked.

I gotta go tell them
we're rescued.

Would you please radio Hawaii
and tell them to pick us up?

Wait a minute.

Do you have any game
on this island?

Game? Oh, yeah.

The skipper's got
some checkers and I
got a deck of cards.

No, no. I mean
do you have any
wild goat or wild boar?

No, no. We don't
have any game like that
at all on the island.

I got to go tell
the others.

7 people on this island
and nobody knows
they're here.



That's very interesting.

Ramoo,
we're going hunting.

What, you not hear?

No game on island.

Perhaps not
the 4-legged kind,

but I've always wondered
what it'd be like

to track down and kill
the most challenging
of all game--

man.

* just sit right back
and you'll hear a tale *

* a tale of a fateful trip *

* that started
from this tropic port *

* aboard this tiny ship *

* the mate was
a mighty sailin' man *

* the skipper brave and sure *

* 5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour *

* a 3-hour tour *

* the weather started
getting rough *

* the tiny ship was tossed *

* if not for the courage
of the fearless crew *

* the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost *

* the ship's aground
on the shore of this *

* uncharted desert isle *

* with gilligan *

* the skipper, too *

* the millionaire and his wife *

* the movie star *

* the professor and Mary Ann *

* here on gilligan's isle *

So I explained
to the authorities

that because of the size
of my helicopter,

they'd have to send a boat.

I gave them
our exact position,

and the boat will be here
tomorrow morning at 10:00.

Oh, man, when I get back,
I'm going to go right
to an Italian restaurant,

and I'm going
to have 8 or 10 pizzas
and 6 dozen meatballs

and 2 platters of spaghetti,
and then I'm gonna
have dinner!

Ohh!
Let's go pack.

I don't know
what to wear.

Well, ramoo, which one
will be our victim?

The skipper,
the professor, Mary Ann?

Ramoo think
not difference.

Oh, come on, man.
Where's your sense
of the hunt?

I want a quarry
that will present me
with a challenge,

somebody that's
nimble, agile.

Who that one?
I don't know.

I have to question
each and every one
of them to find out

who'll give me the best
run for my money.

I don't know how
we're going to explain
to our friends

that we spent several
years with people

who aren't even
in the social register.

Our friends will just
have to realize, my dear,

that when one is marooned,
one must take potluck.

There you are.
Ohh, that's heavy!

I hope you have
your jewelry in there.

Ahh, ahh, good.
Now, there, Mr. Kincaid.
Need any help?

No, no, no, no.
We howells make a point
of keeping fit.

As an example
to the little people.

Yes. The last cotillion
we attended,

Mrs. Howell danced every dance
and was hardly out of breath.

You know,
Mr. Howell's office
is on the second floor,

and sometimes he doesn't
even take the elevator.

Sound mind
in a sound body.

My, that is a beautiful--
that's hand-tooled.

You didn't get that
at a discount house.

Almost caught her
on the rise.

Are you a, uh, hunter,
Mr. Howell?

Well, no, but I went
on a tiger hunt once.

I shot 3 of the ugly
beasts in 15 minutes.

3 in 15 minutes?

Well, that's
utterly fantastic!

You must've
been pleased.

I was, but the directors
of the zoo were infuriated!

I went fishing
in the aquarium.

They weren't pleased.
I'll tell you that.

I can hardly wait
to get back to Kansas.

Why, the first thing
I'm going to do
is bake an apple pie,

and then I'm going
to milk the cows,

and then I'm going
to feed the chickens.

You farm people
have to stay
in good condition.

Oh, we certainly do.

You know, I once ran
100 yards in 15 seconds.

15 seconds?

Oh, yes. I was being
chased by a bull.

Oh, that's nothing.

I once ran 100 yards
in 10 seconds.
10 seconds?

Mm-hmm. I was being chased
by a Hollywood producer.

Ph.D. at 25?

Well, it sounds like
you didn't have much
time for sports.

Well, I don't want
to sound immodest,

but I was the number one
man on my team.

Really?
Baseball?

Basketball?

Football?

Hockey?

Chess.

How about you,
skipper?

Well, Mr. Kincaid,
football was my game
in high school.

I played the line.

Oh? What position?

No position.
I was the line.
Ha ha ha!

I'll never forget.

You got a pretty
good backfield,
too.

Thanks a lot, gilligan.

It's easy
for you to talk.

Look at the way
you're built.

I mean,
he's young and wiry.

He can run
as fast a rabbit,

climb a tree
like a monkey.

Why, try to keep
up with him,
it's impossible!

- There you are.
- There, there.

Oh, that's--
put that
over there, girls.

Oh, here comes
our guest of honor
now.

Remember, skipper.
Everybody, now.

* for he's
a jolly good fellow *

* for he's
a jolly good fellow *

* for he's
a jolly good fellow *

* which nobody can deny *
that's you!

Speech!
Speech, speech!

Thank you.
Thank you
very much.

I hope you feel
the same way

after my little
announcement.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I have chosen one of you

to go on a little
hunting trip.

Mr. Kincaid,
there isn't any game
on this island.

Oh, yes, there is.

You see, I'm planning
on hunting one of you.

Hey, that's
kind of funny.

Gilligan,
he's not smiling.

Oh, that's ridiculous.
People don't hunt people.

Mr. Kincaid,
this joke is in
extremely poor taste.

Madame, I assure you,
I'm not joking.

Do you intend
to hunt one of us

and then gun
your victim down
in cold blood?

Very well put,
professor.

As added incentive
to your participation
in this adventure,

the one I'm hunting
can elude me
for 24 hours.

I'll see that
you're all returned
to civilization.

But--but I'm a girl.

That's quite obvious.

Me?

My dear, shooting you
would be like shooting
an easter bunny.

As for you, madame--

you wouldn't dare.

Don't tempt me,

but I plan
to start this hunt
before noon,

and I'm sure
at that early hour

your blue blood
wouldn't be
circulating.

Why, I've
never heard
such nerve.

Why,
for something
important,

I can get up
as early
as anyone else.

Lovey,
if the man says

your blood
doesn't circulate,

don't argue.

As for you, I'd love
to let some hot air

out of
your stuffed shirt.

Now, over here,
we have a chess player,

but by the time
he's figuring out
his next move,

I'd have him
in my bag.

Now, look, Kincaid,

this is
a lot of nonsense.

Skipper,
you're too big
a target.

Well, I'm glad
it's not you or ginger

or Mary Ann or
Mr. and Mrs. Howell

or the professor.

You mean, it's...

Ramoo, take him away.

Now, you be careful
with him.

That's
my little buddy.
Means a lot to me.

Oh!

Skipper.
When I get a chance,

I'll make a break
for the helicopter
and radio for help.

That's a great idea,
professor.

We'll show
that big gun

he can't
push us around.

Have any ideas
about using the radio,
forget it.

I have the tubes.

Mr. Kincaid?
You sure had me fooled.

I mean, about
shooting me tomorrow.

Isn't that a laugh?

Yes, it does have
its humorous side.

I want
a word with
you, Kincaid.

How are you,
my boy?

Oh, I'm great,
Mr. Howell.

You had Mr. Kincaid
all wrong.

They're treating me
like a prince.

I have steak
and a leg massage.
I'm living it up.

Well, can't you
figure out why,
my boy?

Sure. They like me.

Like you?
They're fattening
you up

like
a Thanksgiving day
Turkey,

and tomorrow
is Thanksgiving day.

You hear that,
Mr. Kincaid?
They still believe it.

Go on. Tell them
you're not gonna
do anything.

Mr. Kincaid?
Tell them you're not--

Mr. Kincaid,
say something.

Say anything,
Mr. Kincaid.

Look, uh,
Mr. Kincaid,

this young fellow
means a lot to me.

Say, uh, $100,000?

No.

Ha. No.
Uh, 300,000?

No.

Well, let's not quibble
with small change.

What about
a half a million,

and a tip for your friend
with the bad headache?

You don't seem
to understand.

I'm not interested
in money.

You are sick. Oh.

Conserve some
of that energy
for tomorrow.

Don't burn
yourself out,

and stop
looking so glum.

After all,
you've got
a 50-50 chance.

50-50?

Yes. Whether you
get it through
the heart

or between
the eyes.

Oh.

I know I'm going
to hate myself,

but I can't
help it.

Help what?

I'm drawn to you.
Like a magnet.

I can't resist you.

Resist, resist.
He's the enemy.

I'm sorry,
gilligan.

There are
some things
about life

that
you just don't
understand.

You think you get
to know someone,

that turns out to be
a Beatrice Arnold.

Beatrice Arnold?

Well, you don't
look like a Benedict.

First--

first, we must
have a toast.

Why?

Because. Because
it's so romantic.

Mmm. Oops.

Pineapple juice.

Pineapple juice?

That's not
very romantic.

Oh, yes, it is.
I'm just crazy about
pineapple juice.

Happy dreams.

Who needs dreams?

It's living it,
huh?

Darling. After that,
you must be thirsty.

Alright, gilligan.

You know the rules.

If you can survive
for 24 hours,

you not only
save your life,

but the lives
of your friends.

It's set to go off
at exactly
this time tomorrow,

and just
to be sporty,

I'm gonna give you
a 15-minute
head start.

Go!

Did you say 15
or 16 minutes?

You just lost
10 seconds.

Oops.

Bang!
Ooh!

Gotta keep running.
I'm exhausted.

He'll blast me
into confetti.

How long have
I been running?

5 minutes? Oh.

He hasn't even
started after me yet.

Well,
I must leave now.

Somewhere out there
in the jungle,

your little friend
is waiting...

And I wouldn't want
to disappoint him.

Guard them well,
ramoo.

Yes, sir, boss.

Oh. It will serve
Kincaid right

if I die of sunstroke
before he kills me.

That is, if I don't
die of thirst

before I die
of sunstroke

before I die
of gunshot.

Oh, so thirsty.
I've gotta get some water.

Whoa!

Poor gilligan.
11 hours,

and he's
still running.

I'd be happy
if he were

still alive
and walking.

Or crawling.

Now, let's not
give up hope.

We've got
to believe gilligan
is still alive

and he's gonna
stay that way.

You're not
Mary Ann, you're
Mary poppins.

Nevertheless,
she's right.

What we need
is positive thinking.

Yeah, well,
a bullet hasn't
been made yet

with gilligan's
name on it.

That guy will
never catch him.

My little buddy
is too fast.

Yeah.
Cunning.

Yeah.
And shifty.

Yeah.
And smart.

Yeah. 3 out of 4.
That's not bad.

Yes.

Oh.

Ramoo.

Aah!

There's one good thing
about ramoo
still guarding us,

and that's the fact
that gilligan
got through the night.

We've got to escape
and help him.

6 more hours.

I've got
an idea.

Why don't we
just tunnel

our way
out of here?

What? Through
25 feet of rock?

Why, even with dynamite
and a steam shovel,

it would take
a month.

Oh, details,
details.

I just hate
to be bothered
with details.

I'm afraid
we're stuck
right here.

Oh, pooh. There
must be some way

we can help
poor gilligan.

Oh, I can't
just sit still.

I've never
felt so useless
in my whole life.

Well, think of me.
I'm 3 times as big
than you are,

and I feel 3 times
as useless.

Stop!
Where you go?

Put that
silly thing away.

I'm sure your mother
would never approve
of such conduct.

No have mother.

Aw, that's sad.

But you
must remember,

you're
an uninvited guest
on this island,

and you do
have certain
social obligations.

Don't have ugligation.

Didn't anyone
ever tell you

that it's rude
to point?

Lovey!

Lovey! That man
is a barbarian!

Oh, fiddlesticks.
Anyone can learn
good manners.

Do not move
or I will stab you.

Lovey, don't,
please.

If you ever want
to get into
high society,

you will have
to read a book
on etiquette.

Quick! Professor,
a rope!

I think
we've been liberated!

The question isn't who.

I know
who's gonna get it.

The question is when,
where, and how.

Oh, skipper. Anybody.

Kincaid! No!

Ha ha.
Oh, no!

Now to get
my trophy.

Aah!

Gilligan!
Little buddy!

Gilligan!

Keep goin'!

Run! Run, gilligan!

Keep going!
Run!

I'm sorry, but ramoo
not spear woman.

You natives are
too tender-hearted.

Yeah, it's too bad.

Come on. We'll pick up
his trail again.

I'll brush
the footprints away

from gilligan's
roots.
Good idea.

Gotta try to keep
Kincaid away
from this area.

How are you doing
in there, gilligan?

I'm so nervous,
my knotholes are shaking.

Little buddy,
we're gonna take off now.

Shh. I think I hear
somebody coming.

Quiet, gilligan.

Huh?

Mr. Kincaid?

Well, gentlemen,

your friend's trail
ends right here,

and I have a feeling
he's somewhere
nearby.

Where?
Ramoo.

Did you
thoroughly
clean my rifle?

Ramoo think so.

You think so, huh?

Well, maybe
we'd better test it.

Draw me a target.

You're--you're
not gonna shoot
that tree, are you?

Why not?

Well, because, uh,
trees are out of season.

Besides, what kind
of a target is a tree?

Yes, i--i mean,
especially that one.

Why,
that's, uh, that's
an acoporasaka,

and according to
the local natives,
it's a sacred tree.

Why, if you
even scratch it,

it will
bring you 25 years
of bad luck.

That's exactly right.
Honestly,

it's worse like than
breaking 3 mirrors.

That's nonsense.
Now get out of my way.

Can't you
do anything right?

I told you
to draw me a target.

Ramoo draw target.
I do again.

No, no.
That's alright.

I'll just put a bullet

right in the center
of that tree.

Mr. Kincaid,
why waste your time
shooting a tree?

Why don't you
shoot gilligan?

Shoot gilligan,
instead of a tree?

Yes. That's--
that's one of
our favorite trees.

Ramoo? I think
the tension's

getting to be
too much for them.

Yes.

My malaria
must be coming back.

It's gilligan!

If you shoot that gun,
it'll be murder!

The alarm.

It's 24 hours.

Gilligan is saved!

Well, nobody can say
that Jonathan Kincaid
doesn't keep his word.

Come on, ramoo.
Let's go home.

Oh, now wait a minute,
Mr. Kincaid.

What about us?

You said you were
gonna radio for help.

Ha ha ha.
Are you kidding?

If the authorities
found out

I was hunting
a human being,

they'd put me
in jail.

But we won't
tell anyone.

Sorry, chaps.
Can't take that chance.

Ow!

Well,
the main thing is

that gilligan
is still alive.

Yes, my little buddy.

Gilligan,
little buddy.

You can
calm down now.

The--the alarm
went off.

The 24 hours
is over. Oh.

Really?
Really,
little buddy.

You don't know
how close you came
to getting killed.

Really?
That close.

That close?
That's right.

Timber! Ah!
Ow! Ooh!

And the Dodgers

shut out the mets,
4 to nothing.

Ha. That--that makes
300,012 bananas
that you owe me.

Well, you can
subtract them

from the 960 mangoes
you owe me
for playing gin.

And now for the news

of the national
trapshooting
championship.

It was won
by the well-known
sportsman

Jonathan Kincaid.

Hey, that's the guy
that was chasing me
last month.

Yeah.

Mr. Kincaid
won the title

with a perfect score.

100 Clay pigeons
out of 100.

That's remarkable
shooting.
Oh.

After the match,
Kincaid suddenly
broke down

and became
so violent,

that local authorities
had to be called.

Unable to calm him,
he was finally placed
in a straitjacket

and taken
to the mental ward
at general hospital.

All the while,
he kept muttering
the mysterious words,

"gilligan. Gilligan.
Gilligan."

That's you.
Hey.

You did it again,
little buddy.

* they're here
for a long, long time *

* they'll have to make
the best of things *

* it's an uphill climb *

* the first mate
and his skipper, too *

* will do their very best *

* to make the others
comfortable *

* in their tropic island nest *

* no phone, no light *

* no motor cars,
not a single luxury *

* like Robinson crusoe *

* it's primitive as can be *

* so join us here
each week, my friends *

* you're sure to get a smile *

* from 7 stranded castaways *

* here on gilligan's isle *