Gilligan's Island (1964–1992): Season 3, Episode 17 - Court-Martial - full transcript

Now stay tuned
for the news.

Hey, skipper, do you
want to hear the news?

The ill-fated minnow

made the headlines
again today.

The minnow?
Theminnow?

The minnow?
Huh?

He said the minnow!

What? What is it?

He said
the minnow!
Theminnow?

Yes, the minnow,

a small charter vessel



that carried 5 passengers
and a crew of 2.

Today a maritime board
of inquiry sought
to fix the blame

for the loss of the vessel
and passengers--

worst storm in history,
that's what it was.

At the conclusion
of the hearing,

the maritime
board decided that
the captain of the ship

was solely responsible
for the disaster.

The captain of--me?

Gilligan,
they're blaming me!

It was a clear case
of dereliction of duty.

Fortunately, there are few
captains of charter vessels

who are as completely
incompetent as--

They weren't talking
about you, skipper.

Gilligan, yes,
they were talking
about me.



No, they weren't.

Oh!
Where are
you going?

I can't face anyone.

I mean, I'd be
better off dead!

No, skipper!
It's all
my fault!

* just sit right back
and you'll hear a tale *

* a tale of a fateful trip *

* that started
from this tropic port *

* aboard this tiny ship *

* the mate was
a mighty sailin' man *

* the skipper brave and sure *

* 5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour *

* a 3-hour tour *

* the weather started
getting rough *

* the tiny ship was tossed *

* if not for the courage
of the fearless crew *

* the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost *

* the ship's aground
on the shore of this *

* uncharted desert isle *

* with gilligan *

* the skipper, too *

* the millionaire and his wife *

* the movie star *

* the professor and Mary Ann *

* here on gilligan's isle *

And they actually
blamed the skipper

for the shipwreck
and loss of the minnow?

Yeah, it really
shook him up.

He ran off,
and I can't find him.

I'm afraid of
what he might do.

Like what, gilligan?

He might jump off a bridge,

lay on a railroad track,
or get hit by a truck.

Gilligan,
you're not thinking.

We don't have
a bridge, we
don't have a train,

we don't
have a truck.

Oh, yeah. Well, there's
nothing to worry about.

Except jumping
off a cliff.

There's something
to worry about.

I'll go find him.
You tell the others.

You don't really
think the skipper would
hurt himself, do you?

Ginger, when a skipper
loses his ship,

they take away
his captains' papers.

He wouldn't
kill himself.

But you
don't understand.

He'll never have
his own ship again.

He couldn't even
stand in the helm
of his own ship.

But that doesn't mean
that he's going to
kill himself, does it?

Ginger, if you were
in the skipper's shoes,
what would you do?

Kill myself.

And ginger said
she'd kill herself.

Well, so would I.

That's terrible,
gilligan!

Of course
we'll help look
for the skipper.

Of course!

Captain!
Captain!

Oh, cap--what's
the matter, my dear?

I think I have
a pebble in my shoe.

Oh, yes, yes,
well, just sit down
on this stump here.

Ah, there we are!

Well, I do hope we find
the captain in time.

Oh, yes,
he's such a dear.

Thurston, when we
get off the island,

don't you think
you could buy him

a little token
of our esteem?

I know just the gift
for a seafaring man--

the queen Mary.

What a marvelous
suggestion!

It'll go so well
with his blue eyes.

Skipper!

This may be
the coward's way out,

but when a captain
loses his ship--

skipper!
Gilligan,
please be careful!

You might trip over this
and break your neck.

I thought
I'd be too late.

You're just in time.

Now sit down
and weave those

on to the other
end of this vine.

Sure.

It's gotta be
long enough, gilligan,

to get over
the limb of that tree.

Oh, it'll be
long enough, skipper.

I sure am glad
you're alive.

If you were dead,
I wouldn't know
what to say to you.

How's your end
coming?

It's almost done.

Everybody else is out
looking for you, too.

I think
this will do it.

Nobody wants
to see you die.

Oh, will you
hurry it up,
please, gilligan?

Yeah, there,
it's finished.

It's all finished.

Here, skipper,
let me do it for you, ok?

There you are, skipper,
a perfect...

All we have to do is
tie off this other end.

Oh, no, skipper!
I won't let you do it!

I'm not gonna let
you do it, skipper.

Not gonna
let you do it.

Well, there
are other ways.

Oh, I bet the rocks
are hard as a rock.

Skipper!

Ginger, don't!

Don't ever
scare a guy like that.

I could have
killed myself!

I'm sorry, skipper.

Well, it's alright,
'cause really

that's what
I had in mind anyway.

Oh, but you mustn't!

We need you!

Ginger,
nobody needs me.

Well, I do.

Oh, come on,
you've got gilligan,
you've got Mr. Howell,

you've got
the professor!

Gilligan
is just a boy.

Mr. Howell is
a married man.

And the professor
is just interested
in my mind.

Ginger,
I want to be alone.

We are alone.

I don't mean that!

I mean I want
to be alone alone.

Skipper, I have
a wonderful idea.

Why don't we two
take a lovely
little walk

along the beach?

You know that
pretty little cove?

Ginger,
I know exactly what
you're trying to do.

You're trying to stop
me from killing myself,

and it won't work!

Skipper, if you're going,
I'm going with you!

Mary Ann, please!
I want to be alone!

I won't let you jump!

Ok. You girls win.

Oh, Mary Ann,
you did it!

Skipper's
getting worse.

What's he doing now,
gilligan?

He's just
sitting in a chair,
staring straight ahead.

Oh, the poor skipper.

You know, I've
thought about it, and
I've thought about it.

I've gone over
the entire voyage,

and I can't think
of a solitary thing
the skipper did wrong.

Neither can I.
Neither can I.

That makes 3 of us.

4.

He took
every precaution.

He used every
conceivable thing
for our safety.

Now, how can we
convince him that
he wasn't at fault?

I don't know
if this will help,

but in every movie
that I ever made,

they always
solved the mystery

by re-creating
the crime.

Ginger, that's
a splendid idea!

We could re-enact
the sinking
of the minnow.

You mean, do it
exactly the way
it happened?

Why, sure!
The wind, the rain,
the entire storm.

Well, that's
a wonderful idea.

I don't think
it's a very marvelous idea.

Why not?

Because the first time,
we were almost killed.

Skipper, we're sure
it wasn't your fault.

Professor, all my life,
I've lived by the rules
of the sea.

If the maritime board
found me guilty,
I must be guilty.

Of what?

I don't know,
but I must have
done something wrong.

Otherwise, they wouldn't
have found me guilty.

Alright, then,
let's try to find out

what it was that
you did that was wrong.

How? It happened
so long ago.

We figured out
a way. Come on.

What's all that?

Skipper, we thought
we'd recreate the voyage

from just before
the storm hit

until we were beached.

I'm rain
and thunder.

I'm lightning
and waves.

Now, try to remember
every order you gave
during that storm.

Come on, professor.

Now, you know this is
just a lot of nonsense--

well, let's
give it a try!

Alright, well,
you did so much,

I guess that I can
go along with it.

Maybe we can
learn something.

Now try to remember
to give the orders

exactly the way
you gave on the minnow.

And gilligan,
the only thing
you can do to help

is to listen and obey.

Gilligan,
now let me see,

as I recall,
just before the storm,

we had a heading of 062.

Aye, aye, sir. 062.

It was right then
that the storm hit.

Gilligan, we can't
outrun this storm!

Go below and
batten down the hatches.

Aye, aye, sir.

There's no below.

Well, pretend there is!

Just about now the wind
started to whip up.

Oh, wind
coming up!

The waves started
breaking over the ship
a few minutes later.

The waves are ready,
professor.

Gilligan, the storm
is getting worse!

We'll have
to turn about!

Aye, aye, sir.

No, gilligan,
not you! The boat!

It was right now
where the waves
came over the bow.

Ginger,
I said the bow!

Huh?

Bow!

Skipper, the storm's
getting worse now.

Gilligan, we're starting
to take on water!

Man the pumps!
I'll take the wheel!

Aye, aye, sir.

Skipper, we're headed
straight for the reef!

Right for the reef!

I know! I know!

We're gonna be
dashed to pieces!

Gilligan, we've got
to maintain a position

in order
to avoid the reef!

Heave ho
with the anchor!

Aye, aye, sir!

Something's wrong,
gilligan!

We're still moving!

Yeah, and
we're headed
for the rocks!

Right for
the rocks,
skipper!

Oh, skipper!

Are you alright?

Skipper,
did you find out
what went wrong?

I think so.

Gilligan, when you
threw the anchor
overboard,

was the anchor line
attached to it?

Anchor line attached?

Anchor line?
What anchor line?

Oh. Well...

Nobody's perfect.

Gilligan!

I'll never bother
anybody ever again!

Gilligan, little buddy,
we've been looking
all over for you.

Yeah? Well,
now that you're here,

why don't you sit down
and give me a hand?

You know,
you've got to face up
to these problems.

Y-You're just
a little upset right now.

It's gotta
be long enough

to go over that
limb over there.

Well, you know,
you're just taking
this too hard.

You've got to face up
to everything, you know?

Gotta make sure
it's very strong.

Boy, people are sure
gonna be glad to see

that you're ok
when we get back.

It's long enough.

Hardly wait to see 'em
when you come walking
back into camp!

Here, let me do that
for you, gilligan.

You know what
we'll do tomorrow?

We'll spend
the whole day
fishing.

I'll get together
with you,

and we'll
spend the whole day
on the beach.

After fishing,
we'll--

gilligan!

Thanks, skipper.
I'll handle it now.

No, I won't
let you do it.

But I lost
the minnow.

We both
lost the minnow.

When a captain
gives orders,
it's his duty

to see that
they're carried out.

It was my fault.

Gilligan,
we both failed.

In fact, there's
only one way out
for both of us.

You want to go first?

Sure--no, I don't
mean this, gilligan.

Well, if you don't
want to do that,
how 'bout the cliff?

I'll push you over,
then you push me over.

What I mean is...

There's only one thing
left for us to do.

What's that?

I think
I got everything.

Same here.

Moving to the other
side of the island

is the only honorable
thing to do, I guess.

Now comes the sad part.

Sad part?

Saying good-bye.

Oh, yeah.
Good-bye, skipper.

Bye, gilligan.

Gilligan, you're
coming with me.

I tell you,
the whole idea is
just simply ridiculous.

Mr. Howell, it is
not ridiculous.

Gilligan and I
have got to do this.

If you change
your mind, we'll
give you all my jewels.

Won't we, thurston?

Absolutely.

Thanks, but i--

and we'll give you
all my furs.

Won't we, thurston?

Absolutely.

And we'll give you
all our money.

Won't we, thurston?

Thurston?
Thurston!

Will you
please reconsider?

No, Mr. Howell,
we've got to go!

Now, come on,
gilligan.

Oh, I think
I'm gonna cry!

Me, too.

Good-bye, gilligan.

Good-bye, skipper,
old boy.

Good-bye, Mr. Howell
and Mrs. Howell.

Good-bye,
Mrs. Howell.

Good-bye,
Mr. Howell.

Good-bye,
skipper.

Good-bye, gilligan--
oh, gilligan, come on!

I keep forgetting.

We're leaving now.

Well, I wish there
was something
I could say

to make you stay.

Oh, please
don't go.

It's our duty.

Oh, I won't
let you go!

I'm sorry, ginger,
but we are going.

Now, good-bye,
professor.

Good-bye, Mary Ann.

Good-bye. And try to
remember us as we were,

not as we am.

Oh, gilligan,
I don't know

what you're
trying to say,
but we love you.

Good-bye, gilligan,
skipper.

Good-bye, professor,
good-bye, ginger.

Good-bye, Mary Ann.
Good-bye, skipper.

Good-bye, gilligan.

Gilligan,
please, let's go!

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Well, gilligan,
this is where

we're going
to spend the rest
of our lives.

Well, maybe we
won't live that long.

Hey, skipper?

Yes, gilligan?

If we went back now,

what would
the maritime board do to us?

It's hard to say.

Maritime law has always
been pretty stiff.

It's been that way
ever since man has been
sailing the 7 seas.

I bet it was worse
in pirate days, huh?

Much.
Hey, skipper?

If you were back
in the minnow again,

and a pirate ship
fired a cannonball
right across your bow,

what would you do?

Go to sleep.

You would?
You'd go to sleep

with a pirate ship
firing a cannonball--

gilligan, will you
go to sleep?

I wonder what it was like
to live back in those days?

Out in the ocean
in a big sailing ship...

Far from land...

Surrounded by pirates...

Pirate ships and pirates.

Queen mother,
who is the handsome
young admiral

in charge
of the ship?

Ah, dear daughter,

that is lord gilligan,

the youngest admiral
in the royal fleet.

My, how awfully
brave he looks!

Mr. Admiral?

What, my pretty?

Is it true
there are pirates
on these waters?

Pray tell.

Pirates? What pirate
would dare sail

the same ocean as
lord admiral gilligan?

Silly girls!
They think you're--

pirates!

Aha! En garde!

Pirates got you,
admiral!

Aye! Look here,
me buckos!

We've captured
lord gilligan!

That's lord admiral
gilligan!

Oh, ain't he
the fancy one?

Some day, you'll
feel the cold steel
of my sword!

And someday you'll
feel the cold steel
of my hand!

Avast, you lubbers!
Take the wenches below!

Hah!

Oh, they've locked us in!

We've been captured by
the most notorious
pirates of all--

captain kidd,
captain hook, and
long John silver.

What are we to do,
queen mother?

Be brave,
my daughters.

That clever lord
admiral gilligan
will save us.

Help! Help!
Let me out of here!

Help! Help!
Let me out of here!

Help! Help--

wait! Why do I need help?

Am I not
lord admiral gilligan,

the bravest,
most daring swordsman
in her majesty's fleet?

Ah, yes! I alone
can save her majesty

and her 2 charming daughters
from those ruffians.

Ah, the keys.

Oh, those keys!
I must get those keys!

My belt!

To the rescue!

Someone is coming.

The pirates!

Ah!

At your service,
your majesty.

Lord admiral
gilligan.

Your lordship,
what can we ever do
to repay you?

I'll think
of something.

But first, I must
deal with the scoundrels

who darest board my ship!

Lord gilligan,
what are you going to do?

Us heroes like to
do things the hard way!

Aah!

Heave ho!

Look there, mates.
He's escaped!

Arg! He's probably
cowering below deck,

'fraid to show his face.

One of me men once
had a fist fight
with him.

Remember, mates,

he's a sucker
for a right hook.

I'm at a disadvantage.

I can only give him
my left hook.

I fought lord gilligan
before, and I'll long
remember it.

Arg! Did he give you
that scar?

Did that myself.

You did that yourself?

I had an itch,
and I forgot.

Why are we
wasting our time

talking about
that dandy?

Let's look
at the treasure!

Stand aside, mateys!

Ah, there you are!

Ah! Aye, did you
ever see so much money?

Oh, I'd like
to take off my boots
and Wade barefoot.

Ha ha ha!

Avast, you knaves!

Oh...

Well, never
let it be said that
lord admiral gilligan

fights unfair! Ho!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Uh...

Come on, mates!

En garde!

Get him, Matey!

Uh-oh.

Fellas, a guy could
get killed this way.

Lord admiral
gilligan!

Oh, spare him!
Spare him!

Aye, we'll
spare him, missy!

We'll save him
for the plank!

Aye, the plank!

Aye, walk the plank!

Walk the plank!
Come on, Matey!

Up ye go!

Oh, lord admiral gilligan,
I'm certain you will be
knighted for this!

If you let me go,
I'll invite you
to the ceremony.

It's into the briny
deep for you, Matey!

Out you go!

Arg!

Don't push!
Don't push!

Don't push me!
Don't push!

Don't push me!

Gilligan!
Gilligan!

Don't push me!

Gilligan,
wake up!

It's me,
the skipper!

Where's long John silver
and captain hook?

Whew! What a dream!

With this
additional information,

the maritime board
reconvened.

Listen, an important
announcement about
the minnow!

The new testimony
indicated that on the day

the minnow set out
from Honolulu harbor,

the radio operator issued
the weather information

from the previous day.

No mention was made
of the approaching storm,

and the captain
had no warning of any kind.

How 'bout that?

As a result,
the maritime board
of inquiry

finds the captain
and crew of the minnow

completely blameless.

That's great news,
professor!

Thanks for--

wonderful!

Come on, gilligan!
Let's go!

If we'd known
we were gonna spend
one night here,

we wouldn't have
made the hut so solid!

You'd better run,
and you'd better
run fast!

All hands on deck,
and that means you,
gilligan!

Aye, aye, sir.

Cast off!
Look alert,
look alert!

Ahoy there!
Left rudder!

Right rudder!
Steady as she goes!

Full speed ahead!

Oh, looks like
a storm up there.

Regular cloudburst.

Look at the sea!
It's starting to pitch!

The waves are
coming over the bow!

Man the pumps!
Man the pumps!

Down with mainsail!
Drop the jib!

Abandon ship!
Abandon ship!

Abandon ship!

Gilligan, little buddy,
I got to admit it,

when I say abandon ship,
you really abandon ship!

* now this is a tale
of our castaways *

* they're here
for a long, long time *

* they'll have to make
the best of things *

* it's an uphill climb *

* the first mate
and his skipper, too *

* will do their very best *

* to make the others
comfortable *

* in their tropic island nest *

* no phone, no light *

* no motorcars,
not a single luxury *

* like Robinson crusoe *

* it's primitive as can be *

* so join us here
each week, my friends *

* you're sure to get a smile *

* from 7 stranded castaways *

* here on gilligan's isle *