Gilligan's Island (1964–1992): Season 3, Episode 16 - Take a Dare - full transcript

* just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale *

* a tale of a fateful trip *

* that started
from this tropic port *

* aboard this tiny ship *

* the mate was
a mighty sailin' man *

* the skipper brave and sure *

* 5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour *

* a 3-hour tour *

[thunder]

* the weather started
getting rough *

* the tiny ship was tossed *



* if not for the courage
of the fearless crew *

* the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost *

* the ships set ground
on the shore of this *

* uncharted desert isle *

* with gilligan *

* the skipper, too *

* the millionaire and his wife *

* the movie star *

* the professor and Mary Ann *

* here on gilligan's isle *

Skipper:
I got another one!
I got another one!

Hey, skipper,
you catch one more,

you'll have enough for
a whole can of sardines.

Very funny.
Gimme that fish.



I suppose you're
gonna stay up here
on the beach

while I do all the work.

No, skipper, i'm
listening to a very
important radio program.

It's called take a dare,
and they're talking about
a guy on a deserted island.

Oh, there's nothing
I'd rather hear more.

Me, either.
You hear that?

Ooh, hear that, skipper?

Gilligan, I can't
hear anything!

Short-wave:
If our contestant can
survive for one full week,

take a dare
will pay him $10,000.

Wow!

Announcer:
Now, he must exist

with nothing but
the clothes on his back,

and without
help from anyone.

Could you take that dare?
Think of it: $10,000.

I'm thinking of it.
It's making me sick.

Why, because
this fella's
gonna get $10,000?

Yeah, and I'm doing
it for nothing.

Announcer: The man
who accepted our dare,

Mr. George barkley,
has already been dropped
at a deserted island.

During the week, we will
be in touch with Mr. Barkley
periodically by short-wave.

Now, remember: He must
receive absolutely no help.

He must be entirely alone,
or he forfeits the prize.

Good luck, George barkley,
wherever you are.

Well, never mind
this program, gilligan.

We've gotta
bring back dinner.

Hey, skipper, that's not
enough fish for 7 people.

I know, gilligan,
you're so right.

We'd better pick up
some bananas, huh?

Ok.
Ok.

Oh, gilligan!

Move! Let's
get some bananas!

Alright, gilligan,
give me your bananas

and pick up
the pails of fish.

Ok, skipper.

And hurry it up.
These things are
getting heavy!

Hey, skipper?

What is it now?

Have you got the fish?

Will you cut that out?
Of course I haven't
got the fish!

Well, they're gone.

How could
the fish be gone?

Fish don't fly away!

Flying fish do.

I once saw
a flying fish,

and he was soaring,
sweeping, gliding.

He was just--

gilligan, we didn't
catch flying fish.

Hey, that's right.

Well, I'm glad
you think I'm right
about something.

Maybe the professor
or someone saw them,

and took 'em back
to camp while we were
picking bananas.

Hey, maybe you're right.

I'm glad you think i'm
right about something.

Will you cut that out?
Now, let's get back to camp!

Gilligan?
Yeah?

Is there anything
that you can do to make
my job a little easier?

Sure, skipper. I'll play
some marching music.

[Marching music plays]

[Muttering]
Thanks a lot!

Boy, can these ba--
bananas get heavy!

Maybe we should have
peeled them first.

Yes, well--
oh, gilligan!

Naw, they'd
be too slippery.

Will you forget
the bananas,

and see if the girls
brought the fish up
from the lagoon?

Yeah.

[Exhausted sigh]

Hello, skipper.

Hello, professor.

Got problems?

Problems? No. I haven't
got any problems.

Just, I did some fishing
down at the lagoon,

and I had
2 pails of fish,

and somebody
brought 'em up here.

Maybe it was you.
Did you bring 'em up?

No, it wasn't I.
Did you ask the howells?

No, but I'll go over
and ask them right now.

Perhaps it was gilligan.

You know,
maybe you're right.

Could have been gilligan.

Because, you know,
he does things that--

wait a minute, professor,
how could it be gilligan?

He was with me.

And when we came
back with the bananas,

the fish weren't there.

Well, maybe a big wave
washed the pails of fish away.

No, I heard the weather
forecast on the radio

right after
the take a dare program.

Take a dare
program?

Oh, that's my
favorite program.

What was
the stunt this week?

They put a man
on a deserted island
all alone.

I know!
A monkey!

No, a real man.

No, I mean maybe
a monkey carried
the pails of fish away.

What did
the contestant win?

$10,000 if he can
stay there a week.

Maybe it was a seal.

No, seals don't
like money, they like fish.

Oh, tell us
about the man.

Well, if he gets
any help, he loses
the pails.

Gilligan, I think
you're a little confused.

No, I'm not.

If the man can stay
on the deserted fish
for a week,

he gets 10,000 pails.

Deserted fish?

10,000 pails?

That doesn't sound
quite right, does it?

Now, why don't you
start all over,

and tell us
about the fish.

And tell us about
the radio program.

They dropped him
on an island,

when we went
for the bananas,

he gets $10,000,

we don't know who did it.

And if he gets
any help, he loses.

I think.

Pick up 2 pails of fish?
A howell?

Eesh!

Well, somebody
took 'em.

Perhaps a pail
of diamonds.

Perhaps a pail
of goldfish?

Ha, gold! Lovey,
you made a witty one.

Thank you, darling.

Well, it's
a mystery to me.

Captain, I just
adore mysteries.

Now, give me
the facts, won't you?

Well, sure,
Mrs. Howell.

Thurston,
isn't it exciting?

It reminds me of
the time our townhouse
was burglarized.

Now you see, gilligan
and I were fishing
down at the lagoon.

Captain, we know
it wasn't you.

The burglar was
a much smaller man.

Mrs. Howell, please.
If you'll just let me
finish one sentence--

captain, you're
absolutely right.

Lovey, stay on topic.

Now, when we got
back with the bananas,

we noticed that
both pails of fish
were missing.

Did you happen to notice
a tall, dark stranger

with a slouched hat
and a black cape

loitering in the corridor?

What corridor?

Captain, if you're
gonna withhold evidence,

how do you expect me
to solve your crime?

Lovey, let the captain
finish his dreary story.

Well, I thank you
both very much,

but just forget
the whole thing.

Never mind!
Ha ha ha!

Thank you.

I do hope this book
has a happy ending.

What book?

The case of
the disappearing fish.

Or whatever it's called.

Announcer: It's good to know
that your transmitter
is working, Mr. Barkley.

Barkley:
It's working fine,
thank you.

Announcer: And now
the question on
everyone's mind:

What are you
doing for food?

I bet he's living
on fish and coconuts,
like we're doing.

Barkley: I'm living
on fish and coconuts.

See? What'd I tell you?

You heard
the program before.

Announcer: Mr. Barkley,
you have no fishing
equipment or tools, correct?

Barkley: That's right.

Then how do you catch fish
and open coconuts?

I use my bare hands.

Wow! He must be
a powerful man!

And strong, too.

Come on, gilligan,
let's go out and round up

some stuff for dinner.

Gee, I'd sure
like to help that guy.

Gilligan,
don't you understand what
the program's all about?

If someone helps him,
he doesn't get the $10,000.

Ok, then
I won't help him.

Good boy.

Even if I knew
where he was.

Even if I knew
where I was.

Even if I knew
where we was.

Were.

Were.

Gilligan, are you
playing shuffleboard
with my plates again?

Me?

And what about
our frying pan?

Plates? Frying pan?

Is there something
significant there?

No plates,
no frying pan,
no dinner.

There's something
significant there.

Mary Ann, did you take
my hammock to collect
the wash again?

I did not!

Well, it's missing.

Well, my plates
are missing.

And our frying
pan's missing.

Say, what's
going on here?

Professor: I am
discussing my hammock!

I am trying to discuss
our missing plates!

And our missing
frying pan!

Wait a minute! I have
an announcement to make

of interest to everyone.

Yes?

One of you is a thief!

Well, now,
just a minute, howell!

Well, our silver
knives and forks
are missing.

You're all
under house arrest!

Well, what about
our plates?

And our
frying pan?

I demand the return
of my hammock immediately!

Yes, our family
heirlooms should
never be borrowed.

Or stolen!

Well, none of us
would steal anything!

One of you is a thief,
and no one can leave
this island!

I intend to notify
the f.B.A.!

"I"!

Good, Mr. Howell's
going to notify
them, too.

[Arguing]

Gilligan, keep looking.
It must've been monkeys
that stole that stuff.

Yeah, skipper. Monkeys
are pretty clever.

Yes, but it was
pretty dumb of them
to steal a frying pan.

Well, maybe they
wanted fried bananas.

They must be tired
of eating raw bananas
all the time.

My detective magazine?
Why did they steal that?

Like I said,
they're pretty clever.

Gilligan,
monkeys can't read!

Oh, yeah?

Then where did
they get the recipe
for fried bananas?

[Rustling]

Skipper?

What?

Think I just
heard something.

Well, what was it?

Oh, nothing.
Just some guy

lying in a hammock,
eating a banana,

and reading your
detective magazine.

Oh...

Oh! What?

Shh.

Gilligan, you know
who that is?

No, skipper.
I don't get up
this way very often.

Well, can't you guess?

Well...

Short-wave: Calling
Mr. George barkley.

Come in, Mr. Barkley.

Skinny Davis!

No! Shh!

No, it's the man
from the take a dare show.

It can't be. He's
on a deserted island.

This island has people.

Short-wave:
Mr. Barkley,
come in, please.

Barkley speaking.
Go ahead.

It's him,
skipper! It's him!

Shh! Now, listen!

Announcer: Are you
alright, Mr. Barkley?

Well, this primitive life
is a little hard
to get used to,

but I'm going
to stick it out.

Some primitive life!

Why, that phony!
We're going in

and break this up
right now!

Announcer:
Mr. Barkley,
we were wondering--

I've got to sign off!

I've got to fight off
some wild animals.

You give me
that microphone,

or I'll break
every bone in your--

oh, ha ha!
Mayday! Mayday!

Come in!

I'm sorry to spoil
your fun, mister,

but we've got
to get off this island.

Mayday! Come in, mayday.

Calling anybody!

Hi.

Hi!
Hi!

Hello there!
Hi!

Hi!
Hi!

This is the skipper
of the s.S. Minnow.

I know that!

I wasn't talking
to you, gilligan.

But you said,
"come in, anybody!"

I didn't mean you!

Mayday! Mayday! Come in!

I don't think
there's anybody there.

I think you're right.
Gimme that thing!

Not the banana, the set!

Mayday! Come in, mayday!

I guess that I broke it
when I grabbed the mic.

Now, isn't that a shame?

There's no problem.
Don't worry, Mr. Barkley.

'Cause the professor,
he can fix anything!

Yeah, he can
fix anything!

That's right!
He can fix it!

It's hopeless.

Both: What?

The part that
goes on here
is missing.

Both: Missing?

Any luck, professor?

Aw, there's
no way to make this
transmitter work

without
that missing part.

Well, isn't there
some substitute we can make?

Well, maybe
the battery's dead.

Gilligan,
what's the matter?

Maybe gilligan's dead.

Gilligan!

What did you do?

Nothing, skipper,
I just went like--

gilligan,
will you stop that?

How did you
do with barkley?

It was like talking
to a stone wall.

Yeah, it was like
talking to a stone wall.

I mean, I begged with him,
I pleaded with him,

i--i even offered
to belt his brains out.

We begged with him,
we pleaded with him--
ma ma ma ma!

That's enough, gilligan!

Well, there's no doubt
that Mr. Barkley
removed that part.

Well, fellas,
is the transmitter
fixed yet?

I'm afraid Mr. Barkley
has removed a vital part.

Well, put it back.

Oh! It bit me!

I ordered him
to put it back,
but he just laughed.

Mr. Barkley's attitude
is quite simple
to understand.

I don't understand it.

Well, it's based on money.

I understand.

If the take a dare people
find that he's not alone
on this island,

he'll forfeit the $10,000.

Well, round up
that fellow

and have him report
to my quarters.

Talk to him
all you want, Mr. Howell,

but he won't listen.

He's a most stubborn man.

Skipper:
All he wants to do
is get that $10,000.

Greed, Mr. Howell,
makes people do
strange things.

Greed I can
understand,

but all this
commotion about
petty cash!

Now, lovey, this Mr. Barkley
can get us off the island,

so we must treat him
with the utmost consideration.

Oh, I intend to, dear.

I thought I might even
treat him as an equal.

Ha ha! Good girl!

[Knock on hut]

Oh, shh.
Uh, come in!

Ah, good afternoon,
Mr. Barkley!

The skipper said that
you wanted to see me.

Yes, I believe that
you're interested in
a certain sum of money.

Mm-hmm! You bet I am!

Oh, money won't
be of any use
on the island.

Thurston and I
have loads of it!

We haven't even
unpacked it yet!

One moment, please.

[Snap]
Oh!

Oh, that smarts!

Now, sir,
which denomination
do you prefer?

You've got
to be kidding.

My husband never
jokes about money.

Here's $10,000,
and just go fix
the transmitter.

Forget it.

11,000!
15,000!

20,000!
25,000!

30,000!

Lovey, you're
bidding against me!

Oh, darling,
I'm so sorry.

But you know how
I always get carried
away at auctions.

Name a reasonable
figure, and we'll
dicker, sir.

Forget it.
This stuff wouldn't
even pass for stage money!

Oh, I know.
Stage money!

Rather have a check.

I'll write him one.

Lady, don't
try to kid me.

To whom do
I make it out?

Skip it!
"Skippit."

And your last name?

Lady, that check
is no better than
this phony money

or the rhinestone ring
you're wearing.

Rhinestone ring!

Or the dime store pearls!

Dime store pearls?

I feel one of
my spells coming on!

Yes, lovey, perhaps
you'd better lie down.

No, no. The beds
aren't made.

I'll have to faint
standing up.

Ready?
Ready.

And he thinks
the howells' money is phony

and their
jewelry, imitation.

Well, there must be
some way we could get him

to fix that transmitter.

I don't think so.
We tried everything.

The skipper even
threatened to beat him up.

Oh...

Maybe he didn't use
the right weapon.

Oh, yeah? You mean
like a throwing knife?

Bzzz! Pop!

No.

A blowgun!

Whoosh! Pop!

Definitely not.

A hand grenade?

[Imitates explosion]

Uh-uh.

Well, what did
you have in mind?

Oh, yeah, well,
I'd better be going, ginger.

Ginger!

Mary Ann, do you
want to come with me?

What for? You already
have him outnumbered.

Right!

Mr. Barkley!

Oh! Oh...

Imagine bumping
into you here!

Well, I was just
taking a little walk.

Oh, a person
could get lost here,

if he didn't know
his way around.

Yeah, I guess he could.

I've been here
ever so long,

and I still have
all sorts of trouble.

And it's been
so very, very hard

without
a real man around.

Mm-hmm. Well,
unfortunately,

I won't be
staying much longer.

Oh, but you
will be here

a few days longer
anyway, won't you?

For the rest of the week.

Oh, that's
very good, Mr. Barkley,

because I have a feeling
that you and I have

an awful lot in common.

Oh...like what?

Well, you're a man.
I'm a woman.

I'm a man,
you're a woman.

Beautiful arrangement.

How 'bout meeting later?

Later?

Say...10:00.

[Breathy sigh]
Till then...

Hoo!

Make that...9:00.

Oh, and don't forget
the missing part of
the transmitter, honey.

Oh, forget about that.

Let's say 8:30.

Oh, how 'bout now?

Well,
to put it--whoops--

in your own sweet,
wonderful words...

Uh-huh?

Forget it!

Gilligan,
we've got bad news.

The whole
transmitter's gone.

There's no
doubt about it.

That sneaky
character

deliberately kept
that missing part
from us all along!

If you're gonna
keep talking,

I'm not gonna be able
to hear my favorite
radio program.

Well, we can't
hear it anyway,
gilligan.

Announcer: You only have
2 days left, Mr. Barkley.

And all america wants
the answer to one question:

Can you hang on
for another 48 hours

and win all that money?

Barkley: Tell
my public to hang on,

because that's exactly
what I'm going to do!

Announcer: Oh, you've shown
rare courage, Mr. Barkley.

And I'm sure this is
going to make you famous!

We must locate him
within the next 48 hours.

Well, certainly
the next 48 hours!

But where
are we gonna look?

Anywhere! Everywhere!

We don't have to look.

We don't?

No. We just
stay right here,

and when he comes
back to say good-bye,

we catch him!

[Yelling]
Skipper, why--

[whispering]
Shh! Look up there.
There he is.

Oh, let's yell when
we get close to him.

What, so he can hear us?

No, to make sure the people
on the radio hear us.

There's something
wrong with that idea,

but I just haven't
got time enough
to figure it out.

Come on!

I didn't get that
last question, sir.

Announcer: I said,
I imagine you've been

anxious to see people again.

Oh, what people?

Any people!

Oh! Yes!

Not seeing another
human being for a week

is--is tougher
than you think.

I'm skipper of the minnow!

And gilligan!
Gilligan! Gilligan!

Announcer: Mr. Barkley,
those voices,

are there
people with you?

Uh, no, sir! There must
be another radio program
on this frequency.

Skipper:
Don't sign off!

Uh, look, I'm having
a small problem.

This is barkley
signing off!

Hold it, barkley!
I'll take that!

Gimme that mic!

Hello! [Stammers]

[Clears throat]

Hello! This is skipper
of the minnow!

There are 7 other
people on the island

besides your Mr. Barkley.

Tell 'em
about me!

I'm sorry to do this,
barkley, but it's all
for the best.

You can't
win them all.

Can I talk?
Can I talk?

Yes, certainly, gilligan.

Testing, 1, 2--

come on, get on with it!

When you get here,
there'll be 7 of us here,

and we're wearing
carnations--red ones!

Gimme that!

We'll see you tomorrow!
Over and out!

Thank you, barkley.

[Beethoven plays]

Uhh!

How did I sound,
Mr. Howell?

Well, that was
Beethoven's fifth.

Never mind this.
Did you hear me?

Of course not!
Well, no.

All I heard was
that barkley fellow.

Well, but you must
have heard me!

Us!
Well, he said
something

about having
a small problem,

then he just
signed off,
just like that.

That's the way.

Uh-oh.

Skipper, he couldn't
have tricked us again.

No, we're too smart
to be tricked again.

Only little babies
get tricked again!

Both: He tricked us again!

Yes, yes, and I can't
wait to see the thousands--

no, no, the millions
of my fans--uh, look,

I can't talk anymore.

This transmitter
is going dead!

Just pick me up
tomorrow as prearranged!

Skipper: Grab it,
gilligan!

It's smashed
on the rocks!

Oh, skipper!

Skipper,
there he goes!

Now, listen carefully.

Mr. Barkley has to
come out of hiding soon

so he can be picked up.

Serves him right
if he misses the boat.

Just as long as
we don't miss it.

Well, with
each of us stationed

on a different part
of the island, we won't!

Well, what do we do
when we see the boat?

Yell.

Loud.

Uh, loudly.

That, too.

Now, lets see
if we all understand.

We each have
an assigned place.

We are to keep alert,

and we are to yell
if we sight a boat.

And to run immediately
to where the boat lands.

Understand?

Understand.

Gilligan, do you
understand that?

Yeah, we each have
an assigned place.

We're to stay alert...

Ow!

And to yell loudly
if we sight the boat,

and run
to where it lands.

Gilligan, you got it
right, little buddy!

Sorry about that, chief.

Gilligan!

Why are you
looking up in the sky?

I'm watching
the helicopter take off.

You're supposed to be
out here looking at--

helicopter?

[Helicopter approaches]

Gilligan, why didn't
you say something?

You told me to yell
if I saw a boat, right?

Right!

Well, for your information,

I'm smart enough
to know the difference

between a boat
and a helicopter!

Announcer: Mr. Barkley
is now signing the affidavit

stating that he had
no outside contact

during all the time he was
on the deserted island.

How do you like that?

And he's getting
away with it!

Yeah, to the tune
of $10,000.

One of my
favorite melodies.

Announcer: If we could
just have the transmitter

Mr. Barkley used while
he was on the island--

barkley: I don't have
the transmitter with me.

Well, that's alright.

We just thought
it would be more fun

to have you open
the secret panel
here on the program.

Barkley:
What secret panel?

Why, the one at the bottom
of your transmitter.

That's where we
put your $10,000!

Barkley: Oh, me!

[All laugh]

Gilligan, I give up.

Me, too.

All day long we've
looked for that $10,000,

and all day long,
we've had nothing
but bad luck.

Our usual good luck.

You mean bad luck.

No, for me
it's good luck.

I found
my secret agent ring.

First I lost it
in the hut,

then I lost it
in the cave,

and then
I found it again!

You found your
secret agent ring!

Yeah! See that, skipper?

It's got a secret
compartment!

[Sighs] Well, now
you've lost it again!

Afternoon, Mr. Howell.

Oh, hello there, fellas.

What are you
doing down here?

Well, I was down there
washing out my money,

and when I
hung it out to dry,
believe it or not,

there was an extra $10,000!

Interest seems
to follow me wherever I go.

Ha ha ha, by George!

Oh, no!

* now this is the tale
of our castaways *

* they're here
for a long, long time *

* they'll have to make
the best of things *

* it's an uphill climb *

* the first mate
and his skipper, too *

* will do their very best *

* to make the others
comfortable *

* in the tropic island nest *

no phone...
No lights...

* no motorcars,
not a single luxury *

* like Robinson crusoe *

* it's primitive
as can be *

* so join us here
each week, my friends *

* you're sure to get a smile *

* from 7 stranded castaways *

* here on gilligan's isle *