Gilligan's Island (1964–1992): Season 3, Episode 14 - All About Eva - full transcript

* just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale *

* a tale of a fateful trip *

* that started
from this tropic port *

* aboard this tiny ship *

* the mate
was a mighty sailin' man *

* the skipper brave and sure *

* 5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour *

* a 3-hour tour *

[thunder]

* the weather started
getting rough *

* the tiny ship was tossed *



* if not for the courage
of the fearless crew *

* the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost *

* the ship's aground
on the shore of this *

* uncharted desert isle *

* with gilligan *

* the skipper, too *

* the millionaire and his wife *

* the movie star *

* the professor and Mary Ann *

* here on
gilligan's isle *

And wait till you see
all the pretty sea shells
I found for you.

Is there enough
to make a necklace from?

Oh, yeah, sure!
There's enough to make
at least 3 necklaces,

even if you had 3 necks.



Gilligan, look!

Oh, yeah, that is
a pretty sea shell.

Don't you
see it?!

Sure, I see that shell
right next to the boat.

A boat! It's a boat!

It's a boat,
it's a boat!

We gotta--gotta tell
the skipper! We gotta
tell professor!

It's a boat,
it's a boat,
it's a boat!

There's no radio,
skipper.

Now, why would
a search party
be without a radio?

They wouldn't be.
Besides, they can see
our huts from here.

Certainly, a rescue party
wouldn't leave
a boat like this.

Skipper?
Professor?

Come here!
Quick!

I hate to say this,
but I think our
rescue party's

been dragged off
by a terrible beast.

What are you
talking about?

These crazy footprints,
you see?

I think a strange creature
landed here. See?

It has a big, fat claw
on the back of its paw.
I think it was a sea monster.

Gilligan, those prints
weren't made by
an animal.

Those are the footprints
of a woman.

A woman with a fat claw
on the back of its paw?

That's the print
of a woman's shoe.

You see? A woman!
A woman!

Well, what are we
standing here for?
Let's go find her.

Whoever our
mystery guest is,

I'm sure she has
the key to the boat.

Aye, aye, skipper.
There's just one thing, though.

What's that?
Well, if we find her,

we don't know
what she looks like,

so how do we know
it's her?

Well, gilligan,
let's put it
this way,

whoever the strange
lady is,

she's the one with
the single shoe.

Oh, yeah.
She'll be hopping, huh?

Come on,
let's find her!

[Leaves rustling]

Well, whoever she is, lovey,
she must be very brave.

I mean, crossing
the ocean all alone.

Thurston, what
makes you so sure
that she's all alone?

Well, there's
only one set
of footprints.

Unless she's alone,
she must be carrying
someone piggyback.

Oh, darling,
how terribly
clever of you.

You're a regular
James gilt-edge bond.

Why do you suppose,
thurston,

a girl all alone
would come to
a deserted island?

Well, there are
many reasons.

Perhaps
she skipped
the country

to avoid paying
income taxes.

Oh, I like
her already!

Look, gilligan,
I think if we split up,

we can cover
more ground that way.

Now, you go that way,
and I will go this way.

Okay, skipper.

Aah!

Hey, lady, lady!
Skipper, it's a lady!

The lady, skipper!
The lady, skipper!

I'm coming!
I'm coming!

The lady, skipper!
Oh, let me go.

Now, wait a minute,
little lady.
Wait just a minute.

I don't know why
you're not glad to see us,

but we're sure
glad to see you.

We've been
shipwrecked here
a long time.

Yeah, we sure have.
We've been here
for days

and months and years
and thousands--

never mind,
gilligan.

Now, I think
we can all fit
into your boat.

Oh, you can have it.

We can have the boat?

Did you hear that, gilligan?
We can have the boat!

Yeah, we're saved,
we're saved!

We're rescued!

Oh, boy, Hawaii,
here we come!

[Crying]

Please, now,

miss...we don't even
know what your name is.

My name is Eva grubb.

Well, it's not
too great a name,

but you always
can change it.

[Crying]

What's wrong?
Won't you tell us?

Why are you
trying to run away?

Because I never
want to see another
human being again

as long as I live,
and particularly not a man!

But why?

[Sobs]

Oh, come on. Please,
we're just trying to help you.

Oh, men don't
even know I exist.

All through school,
not a boy ever
looked at me.

Finally,
10 days ago, i--

I had my
very first date...

A blind date.

And only 10 minutes
after he met me,

he suddenly
developed a headache

and he had to go home.

Well, maybe
that's where he
kept his aspirin.

[Sobbing]

Eva, please don't cry.

I saved all my money
to buy that boat.

I wanted to find
a deserted island

where I could be alone!

I guess I picked
the wrong one!

Well, we'd be
happy to desert
this island for you.

You mean you'll really
leave me here alone?

Oh, now, you
don't mean that.

You're just
a little upset now.

When we get back
to civilization,
everything will--

never. I'm never going
back to civilization.

Here's the key
to the boat.

If you promise to
leave me here alone,

you can have it.

And then she
gave me the key

and said we could
have the boat.

We have a boat?

And we can leave?
Here?

Whenever we want?

Whenever we want.

Oh!

Oh, everyone,
uh, please,
pay attention now.

Eva grubb,
this is Mary Ann,

Mr. and Mrs. Howell,

the professor,
and ginger.

Hello, Eva.

Grubb, uh...

Are you related to
the south Hampton grubbs?

No, I'm afraid not.

Well, they
had a daughter
who was engaged

to the wellingford heir.
I thought maybe--

I've never been
engaged to anyone,

and I never will be.

Now, I gave you
the key to the boat.

The least you could do
is not to mention men!

Lovey, I do wish
you would be more
careful what you say,

whatever it is.

I wouldn't have
said what I said

if I'd known
what I was saying...

Or something
like that.

Poor girl.
We never
got a chance

to tell her
how happy
she's made us.

You know,
in her emotional state,

we really shouldn't
let her stay here.

Well, as soon
as we reach port,

we'll send a boat
back for her.

Oh, that's a capital idea.
Just capital.
I love that word capital.

We got to send a boat back
for her, because, you know,
she's very lonely--

now, wait a minute.
We better not mention
a word about that to Eva.

Why not?
Well, she's so upset,

there's no telling
what she might do.

Now, remember,
not a word to Eva about
sending a boat back.

Hi, Eva.
Hello, gilligan.

Getting ready
to leave?

Yeah. The skipper says
we're gonna shove off
in a couple of hours.

He wants to know
if you want some
of our provisions,

like this
shredded coconut.

No, thanks.
I can manage.

I guess so. It's
only gonna be 2 weeks.

2 weeks?
Uh-huh.

That's how long the skipper
figures it'll take

to send a boat
back for you.

Oh, boy. This
shredded coconut is good.

You sure
you don't want some?

[Engine cranking]

Hey, professor.
The engine isn't
turning over.

Well, let's see.

No wonder.
The spark plugs are gone.

The spark plugs
are gone?

Well, who'd take
the spark plugs?

Well, the only person
who could possibly
have a reason would be Eva.

Well, but why would
she take them?

Unless somebody
told her about
our plans,

but who'd be
stupid enough
to do that?

I'll see
you guys around.

Gilligan,
what do you
know about this?

Who, me? I don't know
anything about it.

I'll see
you guys later.

What happened
to those spark plugs?

I took them...

And I hid them
where they won't
be found.

But why?

Because gilligan
told me about your plan
to send a boat back.

So we're
all going to stay
shipwrecked together.

Gilligan, you, you!

Skipper, don't say it.
Not in front of children.

What children?

Me. I'm just
a loud-mouthed kid.
I'll see you later.

So you might
just as well
forget the packing,

'cause we're not
going anyplace.

Oh, nonsense.

I'm sure we can persuade Eva
to change her mind.

Not a chance,
Mrs. Howell.

We tried every argument
you can think of.

Uh, keep packing,
my dear.

I will talk to Eva.

Mr. Howell, we've
already spoken to her.

I know, but you use words.
You see, I use numbers

with lots and lots
of zeroes.

Are you suggesting
that money can
make her happy?

It's kept me smiling
for years.

Well, I'm sorry, folks,
but money can't buy
happiness.

Anyone who says
money can't buy
happiness

doesn't know
where to shop.

Might as well try,
professor.

What can we lose?

You see, Mrs. Howell and I
will invite Eva to tea.

And with my diplomacy
and tact,

she'll never, ever know
that it's a bribe.

How dare you
try to bribe me!

Alright.
Now, let's look at
this thing logically.

Eva has feelings
of rejection
and undesirability.

Therefore, she insists
upon isolation.

Not only that,
she wants to be
left alone, too.

Somehow, we've got
to make Eva feel--

well, she wants
to be anxious
to get home.

Oh, why would she
want to go home?

It's gonna be the same
as before she left.

No dates,
no boyfriends.

No wonder.
She's so plain,

and she doesn't
do anything

to make herself
more attractive.

Hey, that's it.

Why don't we make
Eva beautiful?

Then--then she'll
wanna go home.

I don't get it. Why do you
wanna make her beautiful?

Well, gilligan, what would
you do if you looked like Eva?

I could write
the draft board
and get reclassified.

Gilligan.

You'd stay home
in your lonely room
and you'd cry.

I would?

Professor:
The girls are right.

You don't feel worthy
of being loved.

I don't?

Well, how could you
when you think
you're unattractive?

When you think
you're awkward.

And unwanted.

And plain.

You're right.
You're right.

A-A-And I talk
too much, too.

We're gonna
change all that.

Goodbye, ugly duckling.
Hello, beautiful swan.

Well, where
are you going?

To start to work
on Eva, of course.

Well, what about me?

Let's see now.

The first thing
I want to do

is take the pins
out and let
your hair down.

Alright, but it
won't do any good.

Ginger,
you know what?

Her measurements
are the same as yours.

Mary Ann, it's not
the measurements
that count.

It's the way
they're arranged.

Here it is--

a shampoo
the professor made
with some henna plants.

Um, do you need
those glasses?

Well, only to see.

Well, try
to fake it.

How's that?

Well, I can see you
pretty clearly...

Or are you Mrs. Howell?

That's alright, honey.

We're going
to make you
so beautiful,

you'll have
dozens of men to
lead you around.

Golly.

Look at that.

It's amazing!

It's uncanny.

It's me.

I can't
believe it.

You look
just like me.

You two are
exactly alike.

It's remarkable.
You could be
twin brothers.

Hi. I thought
I'd stop by

and check
on that henna
shampoo that i--

good heavens!
2 gingers.

You're all kidding me.

Eva, you're
beautiful.

I can't be.

Oh, you are,
my dear.

You're lovely,
you're magnificent.

Or as the French
would say...

Now, let me see,
what would they say?

I don't
speak French.

It's really true.

Eva, you're
as beautiful as I am.

You're gorgeous.

That's impossible,
ginger.

Well, come here
and look in the mirror.

This may be just
the thing to make
Eva want to go home.

I couldn't look
like you, ginger.

You're the most
beautiful girl
I've ever seen.

Well?
What do you see?

I'm the most
beautiful girl
I've ever seen.

I can't believe it,
ginger.

Do I really look
as much like you
as I think?

Eva, men will find you
irresistible.

Ginger,
don't be ridiculous.

Well, they will.

Come on,
I'll prove it to you.

Hello, gilligan.
Oh, hi, ginger.

Oh, hi, Eva.
Hey, you two
sure look alike.

May I sit down?

Sure.

It certainly
is cozy, isn't it?

Yeah. You sure
do look like ginger.

But i'm
not ginger, I'm me.

Do you know
what I want?

You want a grape?

No.

I want you
to like me.

I like you.

I want you
to like me a lot.

I like you a lot.

Gilligan, what
I mean to say is,

i-i-I'm a girl,
you're a boy.

I knew that
the first time we met.

Gilligan...

I think we could
make beautiful
music together.

So do I.

You wait here, and
I'll get my harmonica.

No, I mean us.

No, no.

Hey, everybody.
You should see Eva.

Wow, what
a change in her.

Oh, yeah?

She really
turned it on, huh?

All I can say
is I couldn't
turn her off.

Where is she now?

She left me sitting there
and walked into the jungle,

and you should
see the way
she walks.

Well, I certainly hope
she's ready to go home,

because it's impossible
to convert these seashells

into spark plugs.

You don't have to,
professor.

Here are
the spark plugs.

I suddenly realized
I can't wait
to go home.

Wonderful!

We're gonna have to take a lot
of provisions on that boat.

Oh, I can
hardly believe it.

We're going home.

Say, ginger.

Do you think Eva's life
will really be changed

once she gets home?

Oh, I don't know.

I guess not.

I mean,

as ginger Grant,
she's got poise

and confidence
and sex appeal.

But, uh, when
she gets home,

I'm afraid she may
be Eva grubb again.

I mean, there's only
one ginger Grant.

True.

Mrs. Howell...

Oh, ginger, Mr. Howell
and I have decided

to give a "last night
on the island" party.

You will tell Eva,
won't you?

I am Eva.

Good heavens.

It's impossible
to tell you two apart--

like 2 peas in a bikini,
as it were.

If you ever showed up
in Hollywood,

no one would ever know
you weren't ginger Grant.

Well, I must toddle along.
See you tonight.

No one would ever know
I wasn't ginger Grant.

Why did you want me
to come out here?

Well, I wanted to talk
to you in private.

Ginger, I can't
find the words

to tell you
how grateful I am

for what
you've done, so...

I thought I'd show you.

[Thunk]

If I can pass as ginger
at the party tonight,

I can fool anyone
anywhere.

[Muffled] You'll never
get away with it.

Sure, I will.

Eva will disappear,

leaving a note
that she's going

to the other side
of the island to live.

And I'll sail away
with the others.

Bye, Eva.

Sorry you can't
come to the party tonight.

I'll explain that
you're all tied up.

Hi, everyone.
Sorry I'm late.

Eva and I were having
a little chat.

She's getting dressed.

Oh, sit down, dear.
You're just on time.

Mr. Howell has
a little surprise.

Yes. I've been
saving this
bottle of bubbly

for a very
special occasion,
and this is it--

in honor of
our benefactor
Eva grubb.

By the way,
where is she?

I'll go find her.

Oh, no, no.
No, gilligan.

Uh...i have to fix
my makeup anyway.

Unh! Sorry, Mary Ann.

[Soft dance music
playing]

[Music playing]

There she is now,
thurston.

Oh, just in time,
my dear.

[Pop]

Ooh, I love
that sound. Popsy!

I'd hate to have
ginger miss this.
I'll go get her.

Oh, no, no, no.
I'll get her for you.

You just stay here
an enjoy yourself.

Strange.

Hi.

Hi, ginger.

Here. Mr. Howell
poured this
just for you.

Oh, thanks.

How clumsy of me.

Ginger, where's Eva?

Mr. Howell and I have
a little present for her.

We want to show
our gratitude
to the dear girl.

I'll go find her.

Oh, no, no, Mrs. Howell.
I'll get her for you.

I saw her
just a minute ago.

Ginger said you were
looking for me.

Yes. We'd like you
to have this

as an expression
of our gratitude.

Oh!

Oh, that's the most
beautiful necklace
I've ever seen.

Well, it's part
of the jewelry

that queen Isabella gave
to Christopher Columbus.

Thurston howell I got it
when he foreclosed
the mortgage

on the Nina,
thepinta, and
the Santa Maria.

Where's ginger?
She promised me
a dance.

Oh!

Gilligan:
I'll go find her.

Oh, no, no, gilligan.
I'll hurry her up.

I think I know
where she is.

I say.

Hi.

Hi, ginger.
A dance?

Oh, sure.

[Crack]

I knew
I was clumsy,

but I never
broke anybody
before.

Are you alright?

Sure, I am.

Oh, ginger,
that's great.

Just hold it
right there,

and I'll put
another record on.

And then
it'll be our turn.

Shall we?

Come on, here we go.

[Perky music plays]

Well, I've been
rejected before,

but never
for another girl.

This has been
charming,

but don't you think
we might change
partners now?

I'm sorry.

It's very warm
in here.

Oh!

Ginger!

Mrs. Howell:
Are you alright?

A little of
the bubbly,
my dear.

That'll straighten
you out. Oh!

Oh!

How clumsy of me.
I'd better change.

I'll say!

And the sooner,
the better.

Look, it's Eva.

No, gilligan.
It's ginger.

Ah, I knew there was
something peculiar.

Ginger, what happened?

Our little cinderella
conked me on the head.

She tied me up and
was going to leave me here

while she went back
and resumed my career.

Oh, i'm...

I'm so ashamed.

I guess it was
the excitement

of being beautiful
for the first time.

You can't imagine
what it's like.

I guess I went
a little crazy.

Can you ever
forgive me?

Can I make it
up to you?

Yes, I guess so.

How? What can I do?

Keep your glasses on
and let your hair
go dark.

By George.

I'll drink
to that.

Have any of you
seen Eva?

When we woke up,
she was gone.

The boat!
The boat!

The boat's gone.

Hey, look,
there's a note.

And it says,
"dear soakers--"

let me see that.

Dear soakers.

"Dear suckers...

"My repentant act last night
was really convincing.

"I convinced you--

"and it convinced me, too--
that I'm a good actress.

"I'm going back alone to
resume my fabulous career.

"Lots of luck,
castaways.

The new ginger Grant."

She couldn't have.
She wouldn't have.

She did.

Oh!

[Crying]

Come on, ginger.
Let's go back and
have some breakfast.

Come on, ginger.
What you need
is some grub.

Ohh!
[Crying]

What'd I say?
What'd I say?

Gilligan, you said
"grubb," like in Eva.

Don't you
ever mention that
girl's name again.

I...

[Crying]

I would never say--
gilligan!

* they're here
for a long, long time *

* they'll have to make
the best of things *

* it's an uphill climb *

* the first mate
and his skipper, too *

* will do their very best *

* to make the others
comfortable *

* in their tropic island nest *

* no phone, no light *

* no motorcars,
not a single luxury *

* like Robinson crusoe *

* it's primitive as can be *

* so join us here
each week, my friends *

* you're sure
to get a smile *

* from 7 stranded castaways
here on gilligan's isle *