Gilligan's Island (1964–1992): Season 3, Episode 12 - The Kidnapper - full transcript

Skipper: I just
can't believe it.

Mrs. Howell has
been kidnapped.

What else does
the ransom note say?

"Put $10,000
in tens and twenties in a bag

and take it to the big rock
on the north side..."

North? North.
Let's see.
Which way is north?

North is...
No. That's south.

Will you stop that, gilligan!
Let me get on with this.

"...on the north side
of the island.

You will find a hollow log
7 paces from the rock."

7 paces? No. That log
is at least 12 paces
from that rock.



I've been there, skipper.
It couldn't be 7 paces.

He has no sense
of direction,
that kidnapper.

Will you stop that!
He doesn't have to have
any sense of direction.

Kidnappers only have
to know about kidnapping.

Now stop it and let me
finish this.

"Put the money in the log.

"The ransom
is to be delivered

"by the one you call
the professor

and the skinny one
in the sailor hat."

"Skinny one in the sailor hat."
He must mean me.

Well, he certainly
doesn't mean me.

"Do this immediately or..."

Wow. A 2-page
ransom note.

Would you be quiet!



"Or you'll never see
Mrs. Howell again.

You have exactly one hour."

Did he sign it?

Kidnappers don't sign
ransom notes.

Well, I've combed
the entire area,

and I can't find
a single clue.

I don't understand
who would kidnap
one of us.

Professor, maybe
it's some of the natives
in these adjoining islands.

No, no, no. I thought of that.
They wouldn't ask for ransom.

Natives have no use
for money.

No. Obviously
there's a stranger
on the island.

You mean, someone
we don't know?

Gilligan,
if you knew a stranger,
he'd be a friend.

Well, maybe there's
a friend on the island
we don't know yet.

Would you stop that?

Gentlemen...

Now, gilligan,
the kidnapper

wants you and me
to deliver the ransom,

so let's go to Mr. Howell,
get the money,

and get on our way.

Do I have to?

Well, the ransom note
says so.

Okay, professor.
I'll go with you.

Gilligan.

First we have
to get the money
from Mr. Howell.

Oh, yeah.
Why couldn't it be

the fat one
with the captain's hat?

* just sit right back
and you'll hear a tale *

* a tale of a fateful trip *

* that started
from this tropic port *

* aboard this tiny ship *

* the mate was
a mighty sailin' man *

* the skipper brave and sure *

* 5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour *

* a 3-hour tour *

[thunder]

* the weather started
getting rough *

* the tiny ship was tossed *

* if not for the courage
of the fearless crew *

* the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost *

* the ship set ground
on the shore of this *

* uncharted desert isle *

* with gilligan *

* the skipper, too *

* the millionaire and his wife *

* the movie star *

* the professor and Mary Ann *

* here on gilligan's isle *

If he touches one hair
on her head,

I'll thrash him within
an inch of his life. I'll...

1,000, 2,000, 3,000,
4,000, 5,000...

9--10,000.
There we are.

The ransom note said
that you should pay it
in 10s and 20s.

Please. A howell
never carries petty cash.

$10,000 is an awful
lot of money.

A mere pittance.

I'd give every cent
in the world I have

to get my lovey
back again.

I'd climb the highest
mountain,

I'd swim the deepest
river,

I'd brave any danger
to hold her once more
in my arms.

Such devotion.

Are you going to
deliver the
ransom yourself?

Uh, no, I can't. The
mosquitoes are terrible
this time of year.

And besides, the note
said that--that

delivered by professor
and gilligan.

If you read the fine
print, my dear.

I still think
the fat one with
the captain's hat should--

gilligan.
Alright.

We're ready
to leave, Mr. Howell.
Is the ransom ready?

Here it is.
Farewell, my friend.

Till we meet again.

Here's the rock.
Yeah, and there's the log.

You put the money
in the log
as the note says,

and I'll hide
back there

and see if I can
spot the kidnapper.

Yeah.
Okay.

Gilligan. Go.

Yeah. 7 paces.
One...

2, 3, 4, 5, 6...

7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.

See? I was right.

Better put it
in further.

[Grunts]

Uh-oh.

Help! Professor!
I'm stuck!
Hey, professor!

Professor,
I'm stuck!

Gilligan!
Stay there.

[Grunts]

Professor, i--

oh. Help! Professor!

I'm stuck.
Hey, professor.

Professor, I'm stuck.

[Grunts]

Professor, i--

oh, whoa!

Professor,
how am I gonna
get out of this?

Well, I think
it'll take
a tree surgeon.

Lovey.
Lovey, my pet.

Are you alright?

That scoundrel
didn't harm you,
did he?

Oh, thurston.
Thank goodness
you're here.

Oh, what a harrowing
experience.

It was horrible.
I was afraid for my life,

and I was sure
that blindfold would
ruin my hairdo.

Well, what did
he look like?
Can you describe him?

Well, of course not.
I was blindfolded
every minute.

Oh, you must have
suffered terribly.

Oh, I did.
I did.

Can you imagine
how I felt

being kidnapped
in slacks?

Oh, thurston,
all the time,

he was
threatening
to kill me.

Kill you?
Why, that bounder.
If i--

she's gone!
She's gone!

Mary Ann's
been kidnapped.

Why, that nasty
little copycat.

That's
the ransom note.

"I've kidnapped
the pretty brunette.

"If you want her alive,

"have the rich dame
and her husband
bring $20,000

"to the statue
of the old native god

"at the south end
of the island.

"Place the money
in the mouth of the idol,

and no tricks if you want
to see the girl again."

$20,000? I've already
given him $10,000.

One thing I can't stand--
that's a greedy kidnapper.

Give it to him,
darling. After all,
it's only money.

Ooh, what you said, lovey.
Only money.

Alright. The little girl,
Mary Ann,
I'll give the money. I--

well, here's the ransom note.
Just follow the instructions.

Now, you go get
the money, dear,

and I'll change
into something
more appropriate.

Oh, dear.
Now, let me see.

What does one wear
to deliver ransom?

Lovey:
There's the idol.

Yes, good.

We put the ransom money
in the mouth of the idol
and return to camp.

Tippytoe, my dear.

Well, it's going to take
an agile person
with muscles of steel

to climb up
and put the money

in the mouth
of that idol,

so come on, lovey.
I'll give you a boost.

Oh, thurston.
I couldn't possibly
climb that idol.

But I gave
the ransom money.
Must I do everything?

Oh, thurston.

Alright, dear.
Give me a little boost.

I will, darling.

[Grunts]

Lovey...
[Grunts]

Watch it, lovey!
I'm coming down!

Oof!
Darling, are you
alright?

Fortunately,
I landed
on my wallet.

Thurston, darling,
do stop pacing.
You're making me nervous.

It's been 2 hours
since we paid
the ransom,

and Mary Ann
isn't back yet.

$20,000, lovey,
right down the drain.

If she isn't back
within the hour,

I'm gonna
demand a refund.

Oh, Mr.
and Mrs. Howell.

Oh, Mary Ann,
I'm so glad
you're back.

Are you
alright, dear?

Oh, yes.
Yes, it's good
to see you.

The scoundrel
didn't harm you,
did he?

Oh, no, but it was
a terrible experience.

He gagged me.
He tied my hands
behind my back.

He might even
have killed me

if you hadn't come up
with the ransom money.

Oh, don't
mention it,
my dear.

After all,
it's only money.

Lovey, will you stop
saying that?

Oh, but $20,000
is a lot of money,
Mr. Howell.

I don't know
how to thank you.

Don't you bother,
darling.

Someday,
I intend to repay
every single penny.

Oh, no.
You don't need
to pay--

will you let
the girl talk, lovey?

Now, what were you saying
about paying?

Mr. Howell.
Ginger's been kidnapped,

and this time
he wants $30,000.

$30,000? First 20--
this fellow's doing
a thriving business.

He wants Mary Ann
and me to deliver it.

I must have done
a good job
the first time,

because he asked
for me again.

Oh, $30,000
is a lot of money,
Mr. Howell,

but it is ginger.
Alright, alright.

Here you are.
Here you are.

28, 29, 30.
It's walking-around money.

Get out of here,
will you?

Thank you all
for rescuing me.

It was the most
terrible ordeal
of my life.

Well, he tied
my hands and feet.

Did he do that
to you, too?

Oh, yes, he did.

The first thing
I can remember

was icy fingers
as they clamped
over my lips,

and then I could feel
the cold steel

of a knife
against my throat,

and then he said,
"if you move,
you're dead."

I tried to fight,
but he was just
too powerful for me,

and then I could feel
his hot breath
on the back of my neck,

and he said,
"red," he said,

[New York accent]
"You're worth 30,000 bucks
if you're worth a dime."

I struggled and struggled
to be free,

and all the while,
he had this
crazy kind of a laugh.

"Heh heh heh heh heh heh."
He just kept laughing.

"Heh heh heh heh heh."

"Heh heh heh heh heh."

Well, that's funny.
He didn't laugh

when he kidnapped me.
Me, either.

Me, either,
but it sounded
so dramatic,

I thought I'd get in
a little practice.

Oh.
Oh, ginger.

Oh, ginger.

Well,
the important thing
is that you're back.

And these infernal
kidnappings are over.

But they're not over.

He said that
he's going to come back

and kidnap
everybody else, too,

and then
start over again.

Boy, you could make
a fortune just
selling him rope.

Well, obviously,
we just can't
stand around here

and wait
to be kidnapped.

What can we do?

We'll outsmart him.
I've got a plan.

Now, listen.
This is what
we're going to do.

Professor,
this is really
a neat trap.

Well, thank you,
skipper.

It's a standard technique
in hunting tigers.

You see, first
you camouflage a noose.

Then you tie a goat
to a stake as bait.

When the tiger tries
to take the bait,

he steps into the noose,
trips the trap,

and is catapulted
up into the air.

We don't have a goat.
What are you gonna use
for bait?

Heh. See you later.

Oh, now, gilligan.

You have
nothing to fear,
little buddy.

We're gonna
be hiding
in the jungle.

All you have to do
is sit on the log

with your back
to the trap.

That's right, and when
the kidnapper sees you,

he'll come out of the jungle
and sneak right up
behind you.

Well, that's a great idea,
and it will work,
except for one thing.

Oh, what's that?
I'm getting out of here.

Gilligan,
he'll never
get near you.

The minute he puts
his foot in this noose,
we have him.

You sure it's gonna work?
I give you my word.

Okay, okay,
but if I get killed,

I'm not talking
to either one of you two
as long as I live.

Come on, professor.
Let's go hide
in the jungle.

Professor. Skipper.
Help! Help!

We've got him!

Professor, professor,
light the torch.
Light the torch.

Professor! Professor!

Gilligan.
Gilligan.

Professor.
Where's
the kidnapper?

I--i--
I knew it was a dumb idea,
professor.

Well, where's
the skipper?

The kidnapper got him.

Oh, no, no.
The skipper has got
the kidnapper.

Skipper, you got him!
You bet your life, I have.

Now, let's get him
back to camp.

Yeah, let's get him
back to camp.

Hey, professor?
Hey, skipper?
Hey, somebody?

Hey kidnapper? Hey, somebody!
Professor! Skipper!

But
kidnapping is such
a terrible crime.

Whatever
made you do it?

It's a hobby.

And you thought
my hobby was crazy.

I only collect seashells.
He collects people.

Don't you
even realize you're
committing a crime?

I know,
but I can't stop.

Whenever I know
there's money around,
I get an itch.

That's why
I left civilization--

to go someplace
where there's no money,
and I wouldn't be tempted.

Then I saw you people,
and the itch came back.

You don't know
how I suffer.
It's a disease.

The poor man
is sick.

Only an idiot
would believe that.

He does.
That proves my point.

This is
an uncharted island.
How did you find it?

I got caught
in a storm,

and my boat got washed up
on the beach.

Wait a minute.
You have a boat?
Is it navigable?

Never mind that.
Can it sail?

I think so, but the propeller
got bent,
but it could be fixed.

Skipper,
do you realize
what this means?

I certainly do, professor.
It means we can get back
to civilization.

Where is the boat?

Uh, on the beach,
on the other side
of the lagoon.

Skipper, we'd better get down
there and see if it's seaworthy.

Right. Now, the professor
and I will check the boat.

You go back and tell
the girls and the howells
the good news.

Oh, boy.

What good news?
About the boat.

Oh, yeah.

And furthermore,
when we get back
to the mainland,

I'm going to see
that you are
severely punished.

I said I was sorry.
It's too late for that now.

You're
a mean, nasty,
vicious man.

I know,
and I hate myself
for it.

But if I had known
you were such a nice lady,

I never would have
snatched you.

You're one
of the nicest dames
I've ever kidnapped.

Why, you're even nicer
than Mrs. Vandemere.

Vandemere.
Do you mean
Melissa vandemere?

Yeah, that's the name.
You know her?

We're sorority
sisters.

I snatched her in 1962.

Oh, isn't it
a small world?

Her husband paid
50,000 bucks for her,
you know.

$50,000?
You only asked
10,000 for me.

How degrading.
A howell is worth

more than a vandemere
any day of the week.

Don't breathe a word
of this to anyone.
I could never live it down.

You put me in
a most embarrassing
position.

Uh, I'm sorry.
I know I should have
asked for more,

but if she's
worth 50,000,

you're worth
at least 75.

You're my idea of class.

Oh, thank you.

It's very sweet
of you to say that.

Oh, uh, thurston?
Do you think

we could give
Mr. Wiley
another $65,000?

Now, lovey,
you mustn't be taken in

by this--this--
this rascal.

And you, sir?
You're the kind of guy
I always wanted to be:

Rich and powerful,
captain of industry,

and yet never too busy
to give of yourself

so others could share
in your good fortune.

You know, this man
has a keen insight
into human behavior.

You, sir, are a man
amongst men.

I've been to every doctor
and none of them
can help me.

You know, something
keeps pushing me
towards crime.

You can't help it
you have a disease.

Gilligan, stop wasting your time
talking to him,

and come over
and help the professor
and me fix the boat.

In a minute, skipper.
Mr. Wiley was telling me
about his disease.

Oh, that again?
Don't listen to what
this crook says

with all that
scuttlebutt and all
that sort of--

hey, you don't know
how lucky you are
to be healthy.

I'd give anything
to be like you:

Big, strong,
good-looking,
and honest.

I'll bet your wife's
proud of you.

Well, I'm not
married.

You ain't? A good-looking
guy like you?

I bet the dames
go nuts for you.

Well, I do have
to fight them off,
a little.

Ha ha. A little.
What modesty.

You know,
if I was a dame,

I couldn't resist you.

I could.

You stay
out of this.

Now, what were
you saying,
Mr. Wiley?

No, I'm sorry.
But I think he should
remain in jail,

and when we get home,
he should be turned over
to the police.

But he's really
very nice.

Oh, yes.
He really is.

He can't help it
if he has a disease.

He's real sorry

about all
his kidnappings,
professor.

And if he hadn't
come to the island,

we wouldn't have
a boat.

But I think I know
the criminal mind,

and believe me,
it's very difficult

to reform
a hardened criminal.

Well, I once played
a psychiatrist
in a movie,

and I reformed
a criminal.

Just by talking to him,
I found out
why he turned to crime.

Ginger, that happens
more often
in the movies

than it does
in real life.

Oh, professor,
please let me talk
to Mr. Wiley.

I'll find out
what kind of a person
he really is,

what makes him tick.

Now, you just relax
and tell me
about yourself.

Why do you
hate your father?

I keep trying
to tell you.
I don't hate him.

He's a sweetheart
of a guy.

Now, how can I help you
if you won't
confide in me?

Now, tell me about
your childhood.

It was terrible.
We was very poor.

My father,
he didn't have a job,

and we didn't have
any food or clothing
or furniture.

Oh. Did you live
in the slums?

No. That was for
the rich people.

What did you and your family do
for entertainment?

We used to sit around
and watch each other
get skinny.

Oh, how about
your friends?

Did you play
with other boys?

Yeah. We used to play,
but not football
or baseball.

We used to play
cops and robbers,

and I was always the cop,
never the good guy.

The cop
is the good guy.

Not in our
neighborhood.

You know,
I once went out
with a fellow

who was
a safecracker,

but I didn't know it
at the time,
of course.

How did you find out?

Well, when he gave me
his telephone number,

he said it was
"right, 16, left, 37,
and back to zero."

[Both laugh]

You know, miss Grant,

you're really
a good Joe.
"Right, 16."

So, you see, he's a victim
of his environment.

Ever since
he's been
a child,

he's been
surrounded
by crime.

And it's
up to us

to welcome
him back
to society,

give him a chance
to prove
himself again.

Besides, he thinks
we're both beautiful.

But, ginger,
I don't believe that--

oh, professor,
she's right.

We have to help him
help himself.

But you see, girls,
I really don't--

oh, professor.
Do it for me.

And for me.

Alright. Alright.
I'll let him out.

Hey, folks.
The propeller's all fixed,

and we can leave
the first thing
in the morning.

Yeah, it works
just great. Watch.

Gilligan,
come back here with that!

Bring it back!

[Crash]

Alright, Mr. Wiley.
You can come out now.

Thank you.
You won't be sorry.

From now on,
I'm turning over
a new leaf.

You'll be glad
you gave me this chance.

Welcome
to our family,
Mr. Wiley.

Tonight,
Mr. and Mrs. Howell

are giving you
a "welcome back
to society" party.

That's nice
of them people.

Come on.
Let's get ready
for the party.

I just hope I remember
where I hid the money.

[Dance music playing]

Are you happy,
Mr. Wiley?

I ain't never
been happier.

It sure is swell
to be wanted
by nice people.

Thanks for
having faith in me.

We're glad
we were able
to help you.

Mary Ann, do you
want to dance?

Oh, thank you
very much, gilligan,

but I promised
the next dance
to Mr. Wiley.

Huh? Uh...

Mr. Wiley?

Oh, yeah. Dance.

Oh, you dance
beautifully, Mr. Wiley.

Thanks.

Uh, change partners?

Well, of course.
Do you mind, lovey,
my dear?

Oh, not at all.
I'd love to dance
with Mr. Wiley.

Shall we, my dear?

It's so nice to know
you've given up
your life of crime.

I owe it all
to you wonderful people.

You do dance so well,
Mr. Wiley.

I can tell
you love it.

It's so exciting.

I liked you best
in your last movie,
moon over the mohawk.

It wasn't the title.

It was the story of
an Indian astronaut.

It was called,
mohawk over the moon.

Yeah. That was
the picture.

Yeah.

You were
just gorgeous.

You wore your hair up,
didn't you?

That's right.
How sweet of you
to remember.

Just gorgeous.
Thank you.

Yeah.
You're just gorgeous.

Thank you, my dear,
for the dance.
It was--

uh, let--let me,
Mr. Howell.

Well, that's
very decent of you,
my good man.

Thank you.

Mr. Wiley?
Quiet folks, please.

I think Mr. Wiley
would like to say
a few words.

Here, here.

Jolly good.

Thanks, skipper.

I want you all to know
how grateful I am.

This is the first time
anybody's ever
given me a break.

I'm all--I'm all choked up.

Uh, I don't know
if I can go on.

Listen,
you'll have to excuse me.

I'd like to be alone
to think of
my good fortune.

We understand.

Thanks, folks.

Well, I don't know
about the rest of you,

but I feel
very good inside.

Yes, i--i guess
I was wrong
about him.

It does prove that
there's good in
all of us,

doesn't it?

I guess I'm just
an old softie,

but I feel
all choked up.
I feel--i--i--

my neck--my necklace!
It's gone!

Heavens to Tiffany,
it is!

Ginger, your earrings.

They're gone!

My watch is missing.

And my wallet
is gone.

And my pocketknife.

Wiley. That wiley
did this.

[Motor whirrs]

There's a motor.
He's getting away!

We've got
to stop him!

Why, that dirty crook.

He stole my solid gold
suspenders!

Oh, no.
He's too far away.

We'll never
catch him.

Oh, Mr. Wiley,
come back.
You promised.

Professor: Oh, there goes our
chance to get off the island.

Hey, there was a note
back there on a tree.

Ooh, let me see.
I need some light.

Wait a minute.
Here's my lighter. It's--
he took that, too.

I got some matches.
Wait a minute.

Good.
What does it say?

"Hi, dear folks,
sorry to disappoint you,

"but the strain
of going straight
was too much.

"It was making
a nervous wreck of me,

and I know you wouldn't
want me to get sick. Wiley."

So you see,
it's not so easy

to reform
a hardened criminal
in real life.

Come to think of it,
that's the way it ended
in the movie, too.

* they're here
for a long, long time *

* they'll have to make
the best of things *

* it's an uphill climb *

* the first mate
and his skipper, too *

* will do their very best *

* to make the others
comfortable *

* in the tropic island nest *

no phone...
No lights...

* no motorcars,
not a single luxury *

* like Robinson crusoe *

* it's primitive
as can be *

* so join us here
each week, my friends *

* you're sure to get a smile *

* from 7 stranded castaways
here on gilligan's isle *