Gilligan's Island (1964–1992): Season 2, Episode 9 - Nyet, Nyet, Not Yet - full transcript
A Soviet space capsule carrying two Russian Cosmonauts goes off course and lands in the lagoon.
♪ just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale ♪
♪ a tale of a fateful trip ♪
♪ that started
from this tropic port ♪
♪ aboard this tiny ship ♪
♪ the mate was
a mighty sailin' man ♪
♪ the skipper brave and sure ♪
♪ 5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour ♪
♪ a 3-hour tour ♪
[thunder]
♪ the weather started
getting rough ♪
♪ the tiny ship was tossed ♪
♪ if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
♪ the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost ♪
♪ the ship's aground
on the shore of this ♪
♪ uncharted desert isle ♪
♪ with gilligan ♪
♪ the skipper, too ♪
♪ the millionaire and his wife ♪
♪ the movie star ♪
♪ the professor and Mary Ann ♪
♪ here on gilligan's isle ♪
[Snoring]
Whoo, sounds like
a jet plane with asthma.
[Snort]
[Engine whistling
overhead]
Skipper, wake up!
Skipper, wake up!
I'm awake, gilligan.
Leave me alone,
and you better have
a good reason for waking me up.
I do, skipper.
Come on, and look.
Come on.
Look at what?
There, look.
You woke me up to look
at a falling star?!
Maybe it's
a flying saucer.
It's a falling
star.
Maybe it's men
from Mars.
It's a falling
star, gilligan!
Now, hit the sack.
[Yawns]
I don't mind them
during the day,
but at night, when it
gets dark, skipper--
gilligan, how can you
possible see
a falling star
during the daytime?
Easy. Wait till
it gets dark.
Well, at least you know
it wasn't a flying saucer.
No, no, a falling
star goes...
[Whistles]
But a flying saucer
goes...
[Humming]
[Still humming]
Gilligan!
I'm right behind you.
I know where you are.
Look!
Men from Mars!
What are you two
hiding from?
Take a look for yourself,
professor.
We've been found!
By martians.
They're not martians.
They're not
the smothers brothers.
They're astronauts.
We're saved!
Hello! Welcome.
Welcome.
Skipper: Are we
glad to see you.
I'm the skipper
of the s.S. Minnow,
and we went aground
here--
we're stranded here.
I'm gilligan.
Never mind your name,
gilligan,
we're trying to find out
what theirs are.
I am Igor.
Skipper: Igor.
This is
comrade Ivan.
He does not speak
English.
We are Russian
cosmonauts.
Russian?!
Welcome
to our island.
Thank you.
Comrade Ivan and I
are colonels
in Soviet
space program.
I regret to say
that we have
missed landing
target and, uh,
landed here
by accident.
Ivan wants me
to assure you
that we will all
be saved
by great and glorious
Soviet Navy
which will come and
take us all back home
to Moscow.
Oh, boy, we're going
home to Moscow.
What am I so happy about?
I don't live in Moscow.
[Speaking Russian]
Tell me, Igor, how long
do you think it'll be
before we're rescued?
If we're lucky,
it'll take long time.
How about that?
A Russian wolfhound.
How are you gonna
get us off the island?
By submarine.
Our Navy knows by now that
we have missed target.
I think we better go.
We have packing
and laundry and
things to do.
You scare girls.
So?
So, comrade,
you are no comrade.
Darling,
they look nice enough.
So does the Russian
ruble, my dear,
but it's not exactly
the American dollar.
You know, dear,
we really ought to
go out and meet them.
After all,
they are our guests.
Don't forget who we are
and who they are.
Of course not, dear.
We're the chaps
in the white hats.
They're the chaps
in the black hats.
Lovey, would you
please come away
from that door?
You know, dear,
they promised
to take us to Moscow.
Well, now, who do we
know in Moscow?
Oh, of course, dear.
You're right again.
And they probably even haven't
got a blue book there.
A red one perhaps.
So we just keep
our distance.
Yes, but being aloof is
such bad manners, darling.
Once again, your
diplomacy and tact
have overwhelmed me.
Alright,
we'll go meet them,
but, remember, they
won't be friendly,
my dear.
And no cracks about
Russian tailors
or their subways.
They're very
sensitive.
Gentlemen, I am
thurston howell III,
and this, of course,
is my wife
Mrs. Thurston
howell III.
Charmed.
Capitalist!
Exploiter!
Capitalist, exploiter...
I was wrong, lovey,
they're very friendly.
What manners.
I explain once more.
It's simple enough.
We just pull
the capsule in
and beach it.
Capsule
must not tip.
Capsule
mustn't tip.
Must not let
water get in.
Must not let
water get in.
Oh, gilligan!
I'm just translating.
Never mind.
I can understand
English.
Now, everybody in line.
You...In back.
Me and Ivan in middle...
You in front.
[Both speaking Russian]
I suppose you wonder why
I've called you together
for this meeting.
I wasn't wondering,
I was sleeping.
Could've left him
sleeping.
Gentlemen, have you ever
heard of a space capsule
with a one-way radio?
Come to think
of it, no.
Professor, what
are you driving at?
The possibility that
those Russians didn't
land here by mistake.
You mean they're planning
to take over the island
and use it for a base?
Oh. Then when they
take us to Moscow...
Professor, how cold does
it get in Siberia?
We could be jumping
to conclusions.
Actually, we don't
have any facts.
Don't confuse the facts.
I just don't trust
these 2 fellas.
I'm with
Mr. Howell.
I don't trust
these chaps
either.
Then we're even.
What's that
supposed to mean?
I don't think they
trust us chaps either.
Igor...
You believe they
are shipwrecked?
Of course not.
Must be secret American
space program.
These Americans--
they think they can fool us.
Especially gilligan.
He acts too stupid
to be stupid.
Must be the cleverest one
of them all.
Now, if I could just
get inside that capsule,
I think I could send
a message.
But they're guarding it
night and day.
I, thurston howell III,
can outwit 2 Russians.
I hope it's one of
your sneakiest plans.
Gentlemen,
allow me to show you
how the spy business
really works.
Agent 36-25-36
reporting, sir.
Hello.
[Speaking Russian]
Where's your friend?
He's in jungle sleeping
for to keep cold.
I am here alone.
Not anymore...
Tall, dark,
and Russian.
Wait!
Where do you go?
Oh, why, uh, just going
for a little stroll...
And a moonlight swim.
This is good place
for swim, too.
But the other side
of the island
is much better.
Why don't you
come along?
I have to stay
and guard capsule.
You can't have
everything, big boy.
He got the message.
I didn't even know
she could speak Russian.
What are we
looking for?
A radio.
Oh.
I don't see anything
marked "radio."
You probably have,
gilligan, but it's
marked in Russian.
Now you just
stand aside
and don't touch
anything.
[Pinging]
That's probably it.
I wonder what's
causing that.
Gilligan, I asked you
not to touch anything,
didn't I?
Yeah.
[Electricity crackling]
[Pinging stops]
Now you've shorted out
the whole electrical
system.
The radio's dead.
[Gasps]
So are we.
Turn faster!
Turn faster,
gilligan.
They were sure mad
last night.
Well, they're gonna be
a lot madder
if this device
doesn't generate
enough power for them.
You call yourself
engineer?
Phooey!
Remember who got us
into trouble.
So I made
little mistake.
Say that in kremlin,
you get big laugh.
Very funny.
Ha ha!
Professor,
go ask them again.
They can't keep
saying no forever.
Alright.
Igor?
Nyet!
You're wrong, skipper.
They can keep saying no
forever.
But don't go away.
[Speaking Russian]
He'll let you come in
if you promise
not to look on nothing
but broken radio.
It's a deal.
You keep that thing
going, gilligan.
Don't worry, professor,
you got my personal
guarantee
that he'll keep pumping.
1, 2, 3, 4.
Stroke, stroke,
stroke.
Oh, I'm gonna have a stroke
if somebody doesn't
relieve me pretty soon.
Wait a minute, skipper.
Listen.
[Radio receiver
whistling]
The radio. The professor
fixed the radio.
[Pinging]
Atta boy, professor,
you showed 'em real
American know-how.
Well, I'm just glad
the radio's working
again.
We have
received message
from submarine.
They will arrive
tomorrow at 11:00.
Tomorrow morning, 11:00.
We'll be ready!
We'll be ready!
[Sonar pinging]
This calls
for celebration.
With what--
coconut milk?
I have for you
big surprise.
Hold it.
You bring vodka...
On spaceship?!
Only way to fly!
Ginger, I'm so excited.
I can't believe we're
really going home.
What I can't
figure out
is how could someone
fix something
gilligan broke.
Well, the professor did.
The submarine will be here
tomorrow.
Girls, i'm
in terrible trouble.
What's wrong?
I haven't any room
for my mink.
All those bags and trunks
and no room for
my favorite fur.
We'll put it in our bag,
Mrs. Howell.
Oh, that's dear of you.
Now, back to packing.
You know,
I never packed before.
It's really lots of fun.
Ginger, just think,
this wonderful soft fur
comes from mink.
In Hollywood, they
come from wolves.
Girls...
I haven't any room
for my sable.
Oh, we'll
pack it for you,
Mrs. Howell.
Oh, I don't know what
I'd do without you.
Ooh, mink and sable.
I'd just like
to crawl right
in there with them.
You'd suffocate.
But what a way
to go.
Mrs. Howell: Girls!
Her persian lamb
bikini?
Her cashmere girdle?
Oh, girls.
Ooh, leopard!
Ohh, it really has
great sentimental value.
We raised the little
darling ourselves.
We'll try to make
room for it,
Mrs. Howell.
Now...I'm all through
with my packing.
If you girls need any help,
just call on me.
Now close it.
Ginger, I don't think
it's gonna close.
Mmm. Be careful.
Hi, girls. You all packed?
Mary Ann: Hi, gilligan.
Come on in, and hurry.
What are you doing
sitting on the suitcase?
We can't close it.
Well, that's silly.
We can't get off.
It'll explode.
Here, let me.
I'll close it for you.
Aah!
Aah!
Igor: Why we must
leave them here?
Ivan: Igor,
you are dumbbell.
You are smart?!
We land capsule
in wrong place, no?
Da.
7 people come back and
tell world we made goof.
I got question--
how mad is Moscow,
huh?
I got answer--
how cold is Siberia?
Ivan: So we tie them up
and leave them here.
How we tie them up?
We no got gun.
Ah.
I no got answer.
[Slaps knee]
I got answer.
We invite them
to celebration...
Drink toasts,
get them drunk.
Igor!
Good idea!
We got plenty vodka
in capsule.
Sure. 2 Russian men can drink
more than 4 American men.
Is only 3 men.
Is 4.
Is sailor, is teacher,
is rich capitalist, is...
You are right, Ivan.
Is 3 men...
And one gilligan.
I tell you,
it's a dastardly shame.
I think I have
a solution.
When they offer us
a drink,
we'll say
we're not thirsty.
Gilligan, they'd
get suspicious.
Now, we must drink
with them, according
to protocol.
Oh, is that Ivan
or Igor protocol?
Protocol isn't a person,
gilligan. It's the proper
way to do things.
Besides, if we don't drink
with them, they may do
something drastic.
Maybe they've got weapons
or something that'll
blow our heads off.
Must you be
so graphic?
The solution
is to drink them
under the table.
Unfortunately,
I'm allergic
to alcohol.
Skipper, maybe you
can drink them
under the table.
Well, maybe, gilligan,
but I'm great with
scotch or bourbon,
but when it comes
to that vodka,
I go to sleep
like a little baby.
How about you,
Mr. Howell?
All those parties
and banquets, maybe
you can do it.
Well, the howell taste buds
are very delicate.
The only beverage I drink
is made from French grapes
crushed by the toes
of brigitte bardot--
little purple feet.
All I can drink
is water.
Wait a minute.
Gilligan has moments
of brilliance.
Was I brilliant?
You said the magic word
they'll drink vodka,
and we drink water.
But, Mr. Howell, how
can we drink water when
they're drinking vodka?
Wait a minute.
Just...Come here.
Quarterback howell
will outline the plan
to the team here.
[Whispering]
Then you--
me?
Why
always me?
[Thump]
You heard something?
I heard something.
Then go. Look.
[Thump]
Igor!
I don't see
something.
I don't see
something, too.
[Clink]
This way! This way!
What a delightful
gathering.
We'd better go, girls,
and let the men put their
scheme into effect.
I hope gilligan
didn't Mark
the wrong bottle.
Why would he make
a mistake like that?
Oh, you're right.
Oh, I hope he did Mark
the right bottle. Come on.
[All talking
at once]
Did you like
the food?
Great meal.
Nothing is too good
for our friends across
the sea, as we say.
And to prove that we are
so good friends to you,
Ivan has big surprise.
Ivan with
the blue eyes.
Oh, ho, what
an unexpected
pleasure!
Bring for to drink.
Hurry up,
gilligan.
We will make big toast
to great Russia.
Ahh!
Wait a minute,
Igor.
May I look
at the bottle?
What for
you want to look?
He wants
to see if it's
a vintage year.
He's a gourmet,
a connoisseur.
Oh ho, that's a bad year.
Perhaps this one's
better for soft
Americans.
Oh, that's a good year!
Mr. Howell:
Smooth as water.
Now we will pour.
You from your bottle,
me from mine.
That's the
Democratic spirit.
I'll buy that.
There you are,
skipper.
[All talking]
Now...stand.
Stand.
Stand.
To homeland.
[Clink]
Stop!
In our country,
we have great
tradition--
change glasses.
Change glasses?
Yes, yes, of course.
To homeland!
To homeland.
To--to homeland.
Stop!
In our country,
we have a custom.
We always change
glasses, too.
[Everyone talking at once]
Now everybody drink.
[Clinking]
Mm, that's
beautiful!
Ahh!
Really
tastes good.
You like!
I like very much.
Gentlemen, I propose a toast
to the United States
of america.
All: To the united
states of america.
Oh, here,
have another one.
To the United States.
There you go.
Here.
To friendly relations.
I'll drink to
anyone's relations.
[Singing and shouting]
Boy, you were
marvelous, Igor.
I pour
another drink.
Another drink!
Then get up
on the table
again!
It's empty.
It's empty, well...
Use yours.
We are now
friends, no?
Gilligan,
you better let go.
What do you know,
he's allergic to water.
Oh ho, they'll
sleep for hours.
Good. We ought
to drag them down
to the space capsule.
No. Leave them here
the way they were
gonna leave us.
That wouldn't
be fair.
It wouldn't be
smart, either.
We want their countrymen
to see them.
Exactly. Gilligan,
get this one's feet.
Mr. Howell, you give me
a hand with this fella.
I like the little one.
He's easier to dip.
Ah! To think that I'd be seen
working for the proletariat.
I thought
they were Russians.
Never mind that,
gilligan.
Go get the girls,
get our stuff packed,
and get back here.
Maybe I ought
to stay here
and guard them.
Nobody's gonna steal them.
Now, come on, let's go.
The capsule
is gone!
Skipper: The Russians
are gone, too.
And you said
nobody'd steal 'em.
But they said 11:00,
that's odd behavior
for people who
pride themselves
on precision.
This is no time
for a lecture on
ethnic cultures.
But they weren't
supposed to arrive
for 3 hours.
Oh...no.
Gilligan,
what time is it?
8:00.
Are you sure
it isn't 11:00?
Nope, I checked it
this morning.
The announcer said,
"it is now 10:30 A.M.
This is wkmu Manila."
And that's when
I set my watch.
Gilligan, there's 3 hours
difference between here
and Manila.
That's easy to fix.
I'll just set my watch
ahead 3 hours.
There.
Now it's 11:00.
No wonder the submarine
got here.
Yes, no wonder
the submarine got here!
[Angry shouting]
Shall I try another
station, gilligan?
Yeah, skipper,
go ahead.
Newsman: And now
on the international scene...
Tass, the Russian
news agency reports
that, after completing
679 orbits--a new record--
2 Russian cosmonauts were
picked up in the black sea
by a Russian submarine
just 18 inches from
their target area.
18 inches from
their target area!
Where's
the black sea?
Well, gilligan, it's not
in the middle of the pacific,
which is where we are and
which is where they landed.
I wonder why
they said a thing
like that.
Oh, because they're afraid
to admit they goofed.
I don't see why.
I always admit it
when I goof.
For instance, for years
you've been trying to
teach me a square knot,
and I still don't
do it right.
Oh, never mind
that now, gilligan.
And yesterday
you asked me to
tie up this hammock,
and I tried to
make a square knot,
but I think I goofed.
Yup, I goofed.
♪ now this is the tale
of our castaways ♪
♪ they're here
for a long, long time ♪
♪ they'll have to make
the best of things ♪
♪ it's an uphill climb ♪
♪ the first mate
and his skipper, too ♪
♪ will do their very best ♪
♪ to make the others
comfortable ♪
♪ in the tropic island nest ♪
♪ no phone
no lights ♪
♪ no motorcars,
not a single luxury ♪
♪ like Robinson crusoe ♪
♪ it's primitive
as can be ♪
♪ so join us here
each week, my friends ♪
♪ you're sure to get a smile ♪
♪ from 7 stranded castaways ♪
♪ here on gilligan's isle ♪
and you'll hear a tale ♪
♪ a tale of a fateful trip ♪
♪ that started
from this tropic port ♪
♪ aboard this tiny ship ♪
♪ the mate was
a mighty sailin' man ♪
♪ the skipper brave and sure ♪
♪ 5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour ♪
♪ a 3-hour tour ♪
[thunder]
♪ the weather started
getting rough ♪
♪ the tiny ship was tossed ♪
♪ if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
♪ the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost ♪
♪ the ship's aground
on the shore of this ♪
♪ uncharted desert isle ♪
♪ with gilligan ♪
♪ the skipper, too ♪
♪ the millionaire and his wife ♪
♪ the movie star ♪
♪ the professor and Mary Ann ♪
♪ here on gilligan's isle ♪
[Snoring]
Whoo, sounds like
a jet plane with asthma.
[Snort]
[Engine whistling
overhead]
Skipper, wake up!
Skipper, wake up!
I'm awake, gilligan.
Leave me alone,
and you better have
a good reason for waking me up.
I do, skipper.
Come on, and look.
Come on.
Look at what?
There, look.
You woke me up to look
at a falling star?!
Maybe it's
a flying saucer.
It's a falling
star.
Maybe it's men
from Mars.
It's a falling
star, gilligan!
Now, hit the sack.
[Yawns]
I don't mind them
during the day,
but at night, when it
gets dark, skipper--
gilligan, how can you
possible see
a falling star
during the daytime?
Easy. Wait till
it gets dark.
Well, at least you know
it wasn't a flying saucer.
No, no, a falling
star goes...
[Whistles]
But a flying saucer
goes...
[Humming]
[Still humming]
Gilligan!
I'm right behind you.
I know where you are.
Look!
Men from Mars!
What are you two
hiding from?
Take a look for yourself,
professor.
We've been found!
By martians.
They're not martians.
They're not
the smothers brothers.
They're astronauts.
We're saved!
Hello! Welcome.
Welcome.
Skipper: Are we
glad to see you.
I'm the skipper
of the s.S. Minnow,
and we went aground
here--
we're stranded here.
I'm gilligan.
Never mind your name,
gilligan,
we're trying to find out
what theirs are.
I am Igor.
Skipper: Igor.
This is
comrade Ivan.
He does not speak
English.
We are Russian
cosmonauts.
Russian?!
Welcome
to our island.
Thank you.
Comrade Ivan and I
are colonels
in Soviet
space program.
I regret to say
that we have
missed landing
target and, uh,
landed here
by accident.
Ivan wants me
to assure you
that we will all
be saved
by great and glorious
Soviet Navy
which will come and
take us all back home
to Moscow.
Oh, boy, we're going
home to Moscow.
What am I so happy about?
I don't live in Moscow.
[Speaking Russian]
Tell me, Igor, how long
do you think it'll be
before we're rescued?
If we're lucky,
it'll take long time.
How about that?
A Russian wolfhound.
How are you gonna
get us off the island?
By submarine.
Our Navy knows by now that
we have missed target.
I think we better go.
We have packing
and laundry and
things to do.
You scare girls.
So?
So, comrade,
you are no comrade.
Darling,
they look nice enough.
So does the Russian
ruble, my dear,
but it's not exactly
the American dollar.
You know, dear,
we really ought to
go out and meet them.
After all,
they are our guests.
Don't forget who we are
and who they are.
Of course not, dear.
We're the chaps
in the white hats.
They're the chaps
in the black hats.
Lovey, would you
please come away
from that door?
You know, dear,
they promised
to take us to Moscow.
Well, now, who do we
know in Moscow?
Oh, of course, dear.
You're right again.
And they probably even haven't
got a blue book there.
A red one perhaps.
So we just keep
our distance.
Yes, but being aloof is
such bad manners, darling.
Once again, your
diplomacy and tact
have overwhelmed me.
Alright,
we'll go meet them,
but, remember, they
won't be friendly,
my dear.
And no cracks about
Russian tailors
or their subways.
They're very
sensitive.
Gentlemen, I am
thurston howell III,
and this, of course,
is my wife
Mrs. Thurston
howell III.
Charmed.
Capitalist!
Exploiter!
Capitalist, exploiter...
I was wrong, lovey,
they're very friendly.
What manners.
I explain once more.
It's simple enough.
We just pull
the capsule in
and beach it.
Capsule
must not tip.
Capsule
mustn't tip.
Must not let
water get in.
Must not let
water get in.
Oh, gilligan!
I'm just translating.
Never mind.
I can understand
English.
Now, everybody in line.
You...In back.
Me and Ivan in middle...
You in front.
[Both speaking Russian]
I suppose you wonder why
I've called you together
for this meeting.
I wasn't wondering,
I was sleeping.
Could've left him
sleeping.
Gentlemen, have you ever
heard of a space capsule
with a one-way radio?
Come to think
of it, no.
Professor, what
are you driving at?
The possibility that
those Russians didn't
land here by mistake.
You mean they're planning
to take over the island
and use it for a base?
Oh. Then when they
take us to Moscow...
Professor, how cold does
it get in Siberia?
We could be jumping
to conclusions.
Actually, we don't
have any facts.
Don't confuse the facts.
I just don't trust
these 2 fellas.
I'm with
Mr. Howell.
I don't trust
these chaps
either.
Then we're even.
What's that
supposed to mean?
I don't think they
trust us chaps either.
Igor...
You believe they
are shipwrecked?
Of course not.
Must be secret American
space program.
These Americans--
they think they can fool us.
Especially gilligan.
He acts too stupid
to be stupid.
Must be the cleverest one
of them all.
Now, if I could just
get inside that capsule,
I think I could send
a message.
But they're guarding it
night and day.
I, thurston howell III,
can outwit 2 Russians.
I hope it's one of
your sneakiest plans.
Gentlemen,
allow me to show you
how the spy business
really works.
Agent 36-25-36
reporting, sir.
Hello.
[Speaking Russian]
Where's your friend?
He's in jungle sleeping
for to keep cold.
I am here alone.
Not anymore...
Tall, dark,
and Russian.
Wait!
Where do you go?
Oh, why, uh, just going
for a little stroll...
And a moonlight swim.
This is good place
for swim, too.
But the other side
of the island
is much better.
Why don't you
come along?
I have to stay
and guard capsule.
You can't have
everything, big boy.
He got the message.
I didn't even know
she could speak Russian.
What are we
looking for?
A radio.
Oh.
I don't see anything
marked "radio."
You probably have,
gilligan, but it's
marked in Russian.
Now you just
stand aside
and don't touch
anything.
[Pinging]
That's probably it.
I wonder what's
causing that.
Gilligan, I asked you
not to touch anything,
didn't I?
Yeah.
[Electricity crackling]
[Pinging stops]
Now you've shorted out
the whole electrical
system.
The radio's dead.
[Gasps]
So are we.
Turn faster!
Turn faster,
gilligan.
They were sure mad
last night.
Well, they're gonna be
a lot madder
if this device
doesn't generate
enough power for them.
You call yourself
engineer?
Phooey!
Remember who got us
into trouble.
So I made
little mistake.
Say that in kremlin,
you get big laugh.
Very funny.
Ha ha!
Professor,
go ask them again.
They can't keep
saying no forever.
Alright.
Igor?
Nyet!
You're wrong, skipper.
They can keep saying no
forever.
But don't go away.
[Speaking Russian]
He'll let you come in
if you promise
not to look on nothing
but broken radio.
It's a deal.
You keep that thing
going, gilligan.
Don't worry, professor,
you got my personal
guarantee
that he'll keep pumping.
1, 2, 3, 4.
Stroke, stroke,
stroke.
Oh, I'm gonna have a stroke
if somebody doesn't
relieve me pretty soon.
Wait a minute, skipper.
Listen.
[Radio receiver
whistling]
The radio. The professor
fixed the radio.
[Pinging]
Atta boy, professor,
you showed 'em real
American know-how.
Well, I'm just glad
the radio's working
again.
We have
received message
from submarine.
They will arrive
tomorrow at 11:00.
Tomorrow morning, 11:00.
We'll be ready!
We'll be ready!
[Sonar pinging]
This calls
for celebration.
With what--
coconut milk?
I have for you
big surprise.
Hold it.
You bring vodka...
On spaceship?!
Only way to fly!
Ginger, I'm so excited.
I can't believe we're
really going home.
What I can't
figure out
is how could someone
fix something
gilligan broke.
Well, the professor did.
The submarine will be here
tomorrow.
Girls, i'm
in terrible trouble.
What's wrong?
I haven't any room
for my mink.
All those bags and trunks
and no room for
my favorite fur.
We'll put it in our bag,
Mrs. Howell.
Oh, that's dear of you.
Now, back to packing.
You know,
I never packed before.
It's really lots of fun.
Ginger, just think,
this wonderful soft fur
comes from mink.
In Hollywood, they
come from wolves.
Girls...
I haven't any room
for my sable.
Oh, we'll
pack it for you,
Mrs. Howell.
Oh, I don't know what
I'd do without you.
Ooh, mink and sable.
I'd just like
to crawl right
in there with them.
You'd suffocate.
But what a way
to go.
Mrs. Howell: Girls!
Her persian lamb
bikini?
Her cashmere girdle?
Oh, girls.
Ooh, leopard!
Ohh, it really has
great sentimental value.
We raised the little
darling ourselves.
We'll try to make
room for it,
Mrs. Howell.
Now...I'm all through
with my packing.
If you girls need any help,
just call on me.
Now close it.
Ginger, I don't think
it's gonna close.
Mmm. Be careful.
Hi, girls. You all packed?
Mary Ann: Hi, gilligan.
Come on in, and hurry.
What are you doing
sitting on the suitcase?
We can't close it.
Well, that's silly.
We can't get off.
It'll explode.
Here, let me.
I'll close it for you.
Aah!
Aah!
Igor: Why we must
leave them here?
Ivan: Igor,
you are dumbbell.
You are smart?!
We land capsule
in wrong place, no?
Da.
7 people come back and
tell world we made goof.
I got question--
how mad is Moscow,
huh?
I got answer--
how cold is Siberia?
Ivan: So we tie them up
and leave them here.
How we tie them up?
We no got gun.
Ah.
I no got answer.
[Slaps knee]
I got answer.
We invite them
to celebration...
Drink toasts,
get them drunk.
Igor!
Good idea!
We got plenty vodka
in capsule.
Sure. 2 Russian men can drink
more than 4 American men.
Is only 3 men.
Is 4.
Is sailor, is teacher,
is rich capitalist, is...
You are right, Ivan.
Is 3 men...
And one gilligan.
I tell you,
it's a dastardly shame.
I think I have
a solution.
When they offer us
a drink,
we'll say
we're not thirsty.
Gilligan, they'd
get suspicious.
Now, we must drink
with them, according
to protocol.
Oh, is that Ivan
or Igor protocol?
Protocol isn't a person,
gilligan. It's the proper
way to do things.
Besides, if we don't drink
with them, they may do
something drastic.
Maybe they've got weapons
or something that'll
blow our heads off.
Must you be
so graphic?
The solution
is to drink them
under the table.
Unfortunately,
I'm allergic
to alcohol.
Skipper, maybe you
can drink them
under the table.
Well, maybe, gilligan,
but I'm great with
scotch or bourbon,
but when it comes
to that vodka,
I go to sleep
like a little baby.
How about you,
Mr. Howell?
All those parties
and banquets, maybe
you can do it.
Well, the howell taste buds
are very delicate.
The only beverage I drink
is made from French grapes
crushed by the toes
of brigitte bardot--
little purple feet.
All I can drink
is water.
Wait a minute.
Gilligan has moments
of brilliance.
Was I brilliant?
You said the magic word
they'll drink vodka,
and we drink water.
But, Mr. Howell, how
can we drink water when
they're drinking vodka?
Wait a minute.
Just...Come here.
Quarterback howell
will outline the plan
to the team here.
[Whispering]
Then you--
me?
Why
always me?
[Thump]
You heard something?
I heard something.
Then go. Look.
[Thump]
Igor!
I don't see
something.
I don't see
something, too.
[Clink]
This way! This way!
What a delightful
gathering.
We'd better go, girls,
and let the men put their
scheme into effect.
I hope gilligan
didn't Mark
the wrong bottle.
Why would he make
a mistake like that?
Oh, you're right.
Oh, I hope he did Mark
the right bottle. Come on.
[All talking
at once]
Did you like
the food?
Great meal.
Nothing is too good
for our friends across
the sea, as we say.
And to prove that we are
so good friends to you,
Ivan has big surprise.
Ivan with
the blue eyes.
Oh, ho, what
an unexpected
pleasure!
Bring for to drink.
Hurry up,
gilligan.
We will make big toast
to great Russia.
Ahh!
Wait a minute,
Igor.
May I look
at the bottle?
What for
you want to look?
He wants
to see if it's
a vintage year.
He's a gourmet,
a connoisseur.
Oh ho, that's a bad year.
Perhaps this one's
better for soft
Americans.
Oh, that's a good year!
Mr. Howell:
Smooth as water.
Now we will pour.
You from your bottle,
me from mine.
That's the
Democratic spirit.
I'll buy that.
There you are,
skipper.
[All talking]
Now...stand.
Stand.
Stand.
To homeland.
[Clink]
Stop!
In our country,
we have great
tradition--
change glasses.
Change glasses?
Yes, yes, of course.
To homeland!
To homeland.
To--to homeland.
Stop!
In our country,
we have a custom.
We always change
glasses, too.
[Everyone talking at once]
Now everybody drink.
[Clinking]
Mm, that's
beautiful!
Ahh!
Really
tastes good.
You like!
I like very much.
Gentlemen, I propose a toast
to the United States
of america.
All: To the united
states of america.
Oh, here,
have another one.
To the United States.
There you go.
Here.
To friendly relations.
I'll drink to
anyone's relations.
[Singing and shouting]
Boy, you were
marvelous, Igor.
I pour
another drink.
Another drink!
Then get up
on the table
again!
It's empty.
It's empty, well...
Use yours.
We are now
friends, no?
Gilligan,
you better let go.
What do you know,
he's allergic to water.
Oh ho, they'll
sleep for hours.
Good. We ought
to drag them down
to the space capsule.
No. Leave them here
the way they were
gonna leave us.
That wouldn't
be fair.
It wouldn't be
smart, either.
We want their countrymen
to see them.
Exactly. Gilligan,
get this one's feet.
Mr. Howell, you give me
a hand with this fella.
I like the little one.
He's easier to dip.
Ah! To think that I'd be seen
working for the proletariat.
I thought
they were Russians.
Never mind that,
gilligan.
Go get the girls,
get our stuff packed,
and get back here.
Maybe I ought
to stay here
and guard them.
Nobody's gonna steal them.
Now, come on, let's go.
The capsule
is gone!
Skipper: The Russians
are gone, too.
And you said
nobody'd steal 'em.
But they said 11:00,
that's odd behavior
for people who
pride themselves
on precision.
This is no time
for a lecture on
ethnic cultures.
But they weren't
supposed to arrive
for 3 hours.
Oh...no.
Gilligan,
what time is it?
8:00.
Are you sure
it isn't 11:00?
Nope, I checked it
this morning.
The announcer said,
"it is now 10:30 A.M.
This is wkmu Manila."
And that's when
I set my watch.
Gilligan, there's 3 hours
difference between here
and Manila.
That's easy to fix.
I'll just set my watch
ahead 3 hours.
There.
Now it's 11:00.
No wonder the submarine
got here.
Yes, no wonder
the submarine got here!
[Angry shouting]
Shall I try another
station, gilligan?
Yeah, skipper,
go ahead.
Newsman: And now
on the international scene...
Tass, the Russian
news agency reports
that, after completing
679 orbits--a new record--
2 Russian cosmonauts were
picked up in the black sea
by a Russian submarine
just 18 inches from
their target area.
18 inches from
their target area!
Where's
the black sea?
Well, gilligan, it's not
in the middle of the pacific,
which is where we are and
which is where they landed.
I wonder why
they said a thing
like that.
Oh, because they're afraid
to admit they goofed.
I don't see why.
I always admit it
when I goof.
For instance, for years
you've been trying to
teach me a square knot,
and I still don't
do it right.
Oh, never mind
that now, gilligan.
And yesterday
you asked me to
tie up this hammock,
and I tried to
make a square knot,
but I think I goofed.
Yup, I goofed.
♪ now this is the tale
of our castaways ♪
♪ they're here
for a long, long time ♪
♪ they'll have to make
the best of things ♪
♪ it's an uphill climb ♪
♪ the first mate
and his skipper, too ♪
♪ will do their very best ♪
♪ to make the others
comfortable ♪
♪ in the tropic island nest ♪
♪ no phone
no lights ♪
♪ no motorcars,
not a single luxury ♪
♪ like Robinson crusoe ♪
♪ it's primitive
as can be ♪
♪ so join us here
each week, my friends ♪
♪ you're sure to get a smile ♪
♪ from 7 stranded castaways ♪
♪ here on gilligan's isle ♪