Gilligan's Island (1964–1992): Season 2, Episode 30 - V for Vitamins - full transcript

♪ just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale ♪

♪ a tale of a fateful trip ♪

♪ that started
from this tropic port ♪

♪ aboard this tiny ship ♪

♪ the mate was
a mighty sailin' man ♪

♪ the skipper brave and sure ♪

♪ 5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour ♪

♪ a 3-hour tour ♪

[thunder]

♪ the weather started
getting rough ♪

♪ the tiny ship was tossed ♪



♪ if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪

♪ the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost ♪

♪ the ship's aground
on the shore of this ♪

♪ uncharted desert isle ♪

♪ with gilligan ♪

♪ the skipper, too ♪

♪ the millionaire and his wife ♪

♪ the movie star ♪

♪ the professor and Mary Ann ♪

♪ here on gilligan's isle ♪

Please, ginger.
Now, not too much
off the top.

Just a little
bit more,
skipper.

Well, I believe
you're part Indian.

You're trying
to scalp me.



Well,
you're a sailor.

And sailors
should have
crew cuts.

Well, I don't mind
a crew cut, but...

You're trying to remove
the entire crew.

All finished.

Got time
for me, Sam?

Uh, tomorrow morning
at 11:00.

Thanks.
Sam?

Oh! That's the name
of his barber
back home.

Oh, gilligan,
don't put that there.

Somebody'll
trip over it.

Sorry, baldy.

Baldy!

Oh, very funny.

You're right.
Somebody tripped
over it.

I'll get it
for you, skipper.

Anything else
you want me to do?

Uh, y-yes, gilligan.
Go out and get some more
firewood.

Okay.

Ah! That's just what
I was looking for.

Thanks.

Cough.

Well, your heart seems
sound enough.

Perhaps it's
your blood pressure.

Any luck, professor?

Well,
at least I know

it's not his heart
or his lungs.

I think it's
his haircut.

Oh, don't pay
any attention to him,
professor.

Skipper, this is
my hair tonic.

Rub it in your hair
3 times a day.

When your hair
gets real long, you see--

thanks a lot, gilligan,
but no thanks.

Skipper,
your blood pressure
is very high.

Well, no wonder,
with him around here.

Gilligan, perhaps
you'd better leave.

No. I want to stay
and watch.

Well, I'm going to
make a blood test
and, uh..

The sight of blood
won't disturb you,
will it?

Are you kidding?
Think I'm chicken?

Here, skipper.
Give me your arm.

Oh!

[Clucking like a chicken]

Professor: Skipper.

Skipper, I got
the results
of the tests.

And?

Well, I'm afraid
it's worse
than I thought.

Tell me the worst.

Well, the lack
of citrus fruits
in our diet

has caused a severe
vitamin deficiency.

Vitamin c is
completely lacking.

Well, fortunately we howells
never use the stuff.

We depend on bottled in-bond
for our strength.

Mr. Howell,
this applies to each
and every one of us.

However, the skipper
being the largest--

you mean the fattest.

I know what
he means, howell.

Gentlemen, gentlemen,
there is no time
for that.

Now, without
citrus fruits,

this vitamin deficiency
will attack each of us.

Even a howell?
Yes, even a howell.

It will attack
each of us in turn
according to his size.

Good heavens!
That means I'm the next.

Myself,
and then gilligan.

W-W-What about the girls?
Will it affect them?

Yes. Mrs. Howell,
and ginger,

and then finally
Mary Ann.

But don't panic,
gentlemen.
We're not dead yet.

Well, maybe not,
but we're definitely headed
in that direction.

Hi, girls.

Hi, gilligan.
We're trying out

one of our new dishes.
Do you want a bite?

Oh, no. Not for me.
Nothing. No siree.

I don't believe it.

The world's coming
to an end.

How did you
find out?

How did we find out what?

About our world
coming to an end.

With no vitamins
on account of
the citrus fruits,

which we don't have
any of.

Gilligan, are you trying
to tell us something?

Not me.
I promised professor

I wouldn't say
a word.

Besides,
if I told you
we were dying,

it would probably
ruin your appetite.

We're all what?

Dying
because we have
no vitamins.

W-W-Well, when's it
going to happen?

Not for weeks.
2 or 3 at least.

You mean we've only got
2 or 3 weeks left to live?

Well, she's probably
got 3 weeks,

and you probably
have 2.

You see,
the more you weigh,
the faster you go.

Told you you'd lose
your appetites.

Not doing very much
for mine, either.

Gilligan,
I've made a decision.

About what?

About the way
I've been acting.

I mean, after all,
I am the captain.
I'm the skipper.

I should be setting an example
for the others.

What're you
gonna to do?

What am I going to do?

I'll tell you what
I'm gonna do.

Gilligan, I'm going
to put up a front.

I'm going to be cheerful.

I'm going to show them
that a real man

doesn't let a little thing
like this bother him.

And, oh, little buddy,

you're gonna be
real proud of me and--

that's an orange.

I know. I was going to
have it for dessert,

but I changed my mind.

The less I weigh,
the longer I live.

Gilligan, do you realize
that you have my life

in the palm of you hand?
My life!

No, I don't.
I have an orange.

Gilligan, where did
you get it? Where?!

In the jungle.
In the jungle.

[Shouting] Everybody!
Oranges in the jungle!

Where in the jungle?

Well, it's not
too far.
Show me!

Well, this is
the last one.

The last one?
Oh, no.

Oranges! Oranges!
Did someone say oranges?

Oranges? Oranges?
I didn't hear anybody

say anything
about oranges.

I distinctly heard
someone say

there were oranges
in the jungle.

So did I.

But this is
the last one.

Mine, mine, all mine!

What do you want
with a tennis ball?

Now, that was
pretty sneaky.

How about you
sneaking up behind me
to steal the orange?

Well, that was
right in character.

Mr. Howell,
you got to understand...

I only have one orange,
and all my friends need it.

I know, I know, but
can they afford it?

It's not for sale.

Wait a minute, gilligan.
It's not for me.

You see, it's for my wife,
a loyal woman,

very much like
your own mother.

Oh. I thought you
were being selfish.

Now, you see,
you misjudged me.

Now, you will
give that orange
to Mrs. Howell, won't you?

And she'll give it
right back to you.

Of course--

gilligan, you've
outwitted a howell!

[Crying]

Hey, ginger,
what's wrong?

Nothing.

Why are you crying?

Crying?

Me crying?

Is there anything
I can do?

I'm glad you asked.

I think I'm sorry
I asked.

Oh, gilligan,
you'd cry, too,

if you were
in my condition.

You bet. Me being
in your condition
and being a boy?

That's not
what I meant.

Ginger, don't ask me
for my orange.

Okay, I won't.

You won't?

No. But you'll
give it to me anyway.

Why?

Because.

Because why?

Oh, gilligan...

[Cries]

I've decided to give
everyone a slice.

Gilligan, king Solomon
couldn't have done better.

It's the only fair thing
you can do, little buddy.

I think someone
ought to say
something.

After all,
it is a special
occasion.

Thurston's
awfully good at
that sort of thing.

Say something
appropriate, dear.

Anyone care to
sell his slice?

Mr. Howell!

Professor: While it is
a noble gesture, gilligan,

unfortunately, a single slice
won't do us any good.

Well, I think
we ought to vote it

to the person
who needs it the most: Me.

Skipper, I wanted
to share the orange.

But I'm your buddy!

Well,
you may be his buddy,

but I'm a very rich
millionaire.

Now, just a moment.

Let's try to be
sensible about this.

I mean, after all,
there's a logical answer
to every problem.

Oh. Well,
the logical thing is
to give me the orange.

I do so much
charity work.

B-But I'm the one
that's sick right now.

But it's ladies
first, skipper.

It's women and children first.
Therefore, I get 2 votes.

Can I say something?

Uh, gilligan,
keep quiet, will you?

Can't you see
we're very busy?

Please, please, please.

Now, let's remember
that even though
this is a crisis,

we'll all friends.

I'm sure that each of us
has reasons for believing

we deserve the orange.

Mary Ann: I'm a member
of the 4-h club.

Skipper: Well,
I'm a veteran.

Ginger: Well,
I'm a movie star.

I'm a member
of the d.A.R.

I'm thurston howell III.
Anyone care to top that?

Can I say something now?

What is it,
gilligan?

I know how to stop
all the arguing.

And would you mind
telling us how?

Look.

Well, we have no one
to blame but ourselves.

Our dissension has led us

over the precipice
to destruction.

Our greed has pushed us
to the brink of disaster.

Not only that.
The sun shrunk up
the orange.

Gilligan,
he just said that.

Not as plain
as me.

Oh, to think
I'll never see
Kansas again.

Or California
or north Dakota
or north Nebraska

or south Carolina
or Oklahoma or Texas--

cut that out, gilligan.

Oh, I can't
believe it.

Do I look like
I have a vitamin
deficiency?

Ginger,
you don't look

like you have
a deficiency
of anything.

Thank you,
professor.

But you do.
We all do.

An orange! An orange!

My kingdom
for an orange!

Your kingdom? Oh,
really, thurston!

Would you believe
half of my kingdom?

A third of my kingdom?

A little quarter
of my kingdom, maybe?

Mr. Howell,
we're in real trouble

with this orange dried up
like that.

I might
as well give it
a decent burial.

Gilligan...that's it!
A burial!

I'm not even
sick yet!

Oh, not you. The seeds!

We'll plant the seeds and
grow our own orange trees.

What a wonderful
idea!

And then we'll
have plenty
of oranges!

Why didn't we think
of that before?

Everything grows from seeds!

Not everything.

Yes, gilligan, everything!

Orange trees grow
from orange seeds,

apple trees grow
from apple seeds,

and watermelons grow
from watermelon seeds.

Yeah, but
birds don't grow
from bird seeds.

Lovely.
Lovely, my dear.

Aren't they
just beautiful?

You must be seeing
something I don't see.

No. I see thousands
of orange trees

springing out
of the ground.

Well, all I see are
a lot of nasty pits.

No. Look
beyond the horizon,
beyond tomorrow.

I see valencia oranges,
mandarin oranges, navel oranges.

We'll be up to our
navel in navels.

All those from these?

Well, it's not
quite that easy.

First of all, we
have to plant them.

Plant them?
In the dirt?

With our hands?

I believe that's
the usual way.

Oh, dear. Then
it's not for us.

Hey, come on. Everybody's
planting their seeds.

Yes. Unless
we cooperate,

we'll go to that great
orange grove in the sky.

But when we go, thurston,
we go with clean hands.

Oh, let's face it,
Mary Ann.

I don't know what
to do with this.

Well, in Kansas we plant wheat,
not citrus fruit.

All I know
about oranges
is that in Florida,

people grow them
to send to people
in California,

who grow them
to send to people
in Florida.

Well, when in doubt,
use the farmer's formula.

One part sunshine,
2 parts water,

and 3 parts prayer.

"The scientific approach
to the rapid growth
of citrus fruits

"is assured with the proper
amounts of vitamin d,

"aqua naturalis,

"and fertilizer
containing sodium chloride,

"nitrate of potassium,
and calcium.

"If this doesn't
achieve results,

"try one part sunshine,
2 parts water,

and 3 parts prayer."

Gilligan,
what are you doing?

Skipper,
I got to make sure

I plant the seed
in the right place.

Nope.
Still in the shade.

Gilligan, that's not shade.
That's your shadow!

Hey, you're right!

Now, here. Plant that.

Okay.

Well?

Well, what?

Well, when's
the orange tree
gonna grow?

I'll take over
for you now, professor.

Oh, this is
the coldest night
I can remember.

Now,
those tiki torches
must be kept lit.

Right.

Those orange seeds
must be kept warm.

Yes, sir.

If those seeds die--

are you trying to
tell me something?

Gilligan, if those
seeds die, we die.

That's what I was afraid
you were trying to tell me.

You stay awake.

Yeah.

2:00 and all's well!

What was that?

Only gilligan.

Gilligan:
2:01 and all's well!

If he crows
when the sun comes up,

so help me,
I'll kill him!

Teddy.

2:58 o'clock!
And all's well.

Does he have
to do that?

What time is it?

Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

3:00, according
to the kook.

Professor: Now,
those tiki torches
must be kept lit.

Those orange seeds
must be kept warm.

Keep warm...

Gilligan,
if those seeds die,
we die.

Die...

Die...die...

Now, you stay awake.

[Gilligan snoring]

If those seeds die,
we die.

[Snoring]

Gilligan! Gilligan!

Gill--oh,
there you are.

How can you sleep
when you know
the cupboard is bare,

and the wolf
is at the door?

Wolf?! Where? Where?

At the door. Where is
your courage, my son?

I'm sorry, mother,
but lack of vitamins

has made me sleepy,
tired, discouraged,
and cowardly.

Well, there's only one cure
for your ailment, my son--
oranges.

Oh, if we only had some.

Mother,
what are you doing
with your Jewel box?

I have made a decision.

Take these emeralds,
these diamonds, these rubies
to the market

and trade them in
for half a dozen oranges.

And don't talk to strangers.

Oh, yes, noble mother,
who's sacrificing
her jewels.

You can trust
your trustworthy son.

I'll bet.

Hold it there, tall,
dark, and emaciated.

Where are you going
on this bright
and cheery morning?

I'm going to the market to trade
this chest of rubies, diamonds,
and emeralds for oranges.

Rubies, diamonds,
and emeralds?

By George, you're right.
Gotta get dark glasses.

But my mother said
I can't talk to strangers.

Always listen
to your mother, son.

A boy's best friend
is his mother--
I had one once.

I must remember that.
Yes, you must remember.

Incidentally, my name is
Lester j. Frothingham III.

I can't talk to strangers.

Ever know a stranger named
Lester j. Frothingham III?

No, sir.
Then we must be friends.

Kinda follows, doesn't it?
I guess so.

Here, let me hold
this little--

oh, no. I've gotta
trade this chest
for oranges.

I'll tell ya what
I'm gonna do, son.

I'm gonna trade this box
of paltry baubles

for some of
these magic beans.

Magic beans--
not so loud, son!

A crowd might collect.
Real magic beans?

Real magic? So magic,
that you won't have
one orange,

not a dozen oranges,
but a whole, a veritable
orange grove.

Oh, sir, you are the kindest,
friendliest man I ever met
in my whole life.

Then it's a trade, huh?
Yes, sir.

Here you are.

Run along, son.
You bother me.

You bother me--
hold it, boy!

Do you have a brother?
No, sir.

Too bad.
I like doing business
with your family.

Beans?
But I asked you
for oranges.

But, mother, the man
said they're not ordinary--

I'm going to show you
something, gilligan.

Now...look at this--

baked beans, brown beans,
soybeans, Lima beans,
string beans, green beans,

and I hate beans!

Besides, I asked you
for oranges,

you silly, ridiculous,
idiotic boy.

Sometimes I get the feeling
she's disappointed in me.

[Doorbell chimes
a funeral march]

You must go away.

This is the castle
of the mean
and cruel giant.

You think I'm afraid
of a mean and cruel giant?

Aren't you?

I don't even care
how big he is.

Uh...how big is he?

Oh, he's about...

Oh, sorry I asked.

How come the giant's
so mean and cruel?

He's an orange miser.

He has a whole
treasure room
full of oranges.

Oh, I must get some
for my mother.

That would make me
proud and pleased and happy.

And dead if
the giant catches you.

How big did you say
that giant was?

[Groans]

My goodness! Where did
he get all these oranges?

From her.

[Quacking]

That's the goose that
lays the golden oranges.

Oh, if I could get
ahold of that goose,

she would forgive me
everything.

Don't be silly.
If you steal that goose,
you'll be a dead duck.

Come on. Now run,
before it's too late.

Giant: Fee fie fo fum!

Oh, it's too late!
Where can I hide?

Behind the chair.
No, no, no! No, no, no!

Hide behind there.
Okay.

[Shuddering]

[Giant footsteps]

Well, now, my pretty,
what's going on in here?

Not a thing,
mean and cruel master.
It's been very quiet.

Well...i smell something,
and it's not oranges.

Fee fie fo fum!

I don't smell any fee,
fie, fo, or fum.

Well, I do, and it's coming
from over there.

Aha! There you are!

Come out
from behind there!

[Roaring]

What was that?

A dragon!
I must slay him

before he tries
to steal all my oranges.

I'll be back
to deal with you later.

[Dragon roars]

Come on. We'll grab
the goose and go.

Alright.

[Quacking]

Woman: Help! Help!

What was that?

Oh, nothing--
just an old lady

the giant has
locked in his dungeon.

Please, rescue me!

Come on! Hurry!

No. First I must rescue
the old lady in the dungeon.

You heroes
are all alike.

[Yelling and banging
on door]

Help me.

Young man, we've been
locked up in that tiny
dungeon for 30 years!

Look, we don't
have time to discuss
a housing problem.

How can we
ever thank you?

Look, we gotta run, fast.
That giant'll be back
any second.

Oh, come on. Hurry.

Oh, first, I must
reward my rescuer.

Look, lady,
we don't have time.

Oh, I know. I know!

I will thank you
with a kiss.

A kiss?

I knew that would
grab you.

Can't we just shake hands?

A kiss.

[Groans]
This hero business isn't
what it's cracked up to be.

[Sighs] Go ahead.
Get it over with.

Oh, boy.

My! You're beautiful.

Especially for an old hag.

It was your kiss
that did it.

I'm really a Princess.

And I'm really a prince.

And I could use
a kiss to turn me
back into a prince.

Forget it, buster.
I'm not gonna kiss you!

Oh, it's not you
that could
turn him back.

It's her.

Oh. The giant's
beginning to look

better and better
every minute.

That bad, eh?

Come on. I've got
to get this goose
back to my mother.

I'd rather kiss the goose.
Here goes.

Oh, you're not
a prince!

No, I'm not, am I?

Well, don't believe
everything ya hear, girlie!

[Cackling]

Giant: Fee fie fo fum!

Here comes the old
fee-fie-fo-fummer again!

Oh, I know a shortcut!
Follow me.

[Giant footsteps]

Aha!

Trying to steal
my goose, eh?

Aha! Aha!
Lemme go.

Lemme go. Lemme go.
Lemme go.

Gilligan, wake up.

No, no! Lemme go!

Will you stop that?
It's just me, gilligan.

Did I fall asleep?

That's not important.

It's not important?!
If the tiki torches went--

they went out, skipper!
That means we're gonna die!
Skipper, look!

Look at those grapefruits!

The professor found
some grapefruit trees!

Yes! And
lemon trees, too!

I know all about them!

You mean,
you knew there were
citrus fruits?

No, not citrus fruits,
just grapefruits and lemons.

Oh, gilligan,
those are citrus fruits.

My goodness!

If he only knew where
I could get my hands on
a 2-inch t-bone steak!

I know!

You do?! Where?!
Back there on Hawaii!

You know, where we used
to park the minnow.
Right there.

Bring it in there,
in the little rest--aurant?

Thank you, professor!

Gilligan,
your timing is wrong.

You just don't want me
to go into business
for myself.

It's not that at all.

But, gilligan,
you've been out here
for 5 hours.

And what have you made?
Nothing.

Exactly. Now come on.
Let's go fishing.

Okay, but it sure would have
been a swell business yesterday.

Alright. Come on.

♪ they're here
for a long, long time ♪

♪ they'll have to make
the best of things ♪

♪ it's an uphill climb ♪

♪ the first mate
and his skipper, too ♪

♪ will do their very best ♪

♪ to make the others
comfortable ♪

♪ in their tropic island nest ♪

♪ no phone, no light ♪

♪ no motor cars,
not a single luxury ♪

♪ like Robinson crusoe ♪

♪ it's primitive as can be ♪

♪ so join us here
each week, my friends ♪

♪ you're sure to get a smile ♪

♪ from 7 stranded castaways ♪

♪ here on gilligan's isle ♪