Gilligan's Island (1964–1992): Season 2, Episode 28 - Allergy Time - full transcript

♪ just sit right back
and you'll hear a tale ♪

♪ a tale of a fateful trip ♪

♪ that started
from this tropic port ♪

♪ aboard this tiny ship ♪

♪ the mate was a mighty
sailin' man ♪

♪ the skipper brave and sure ♪

♪ five passengers set
sail that day ♪

♪ for a three hour tour ♪

♪ a three hour tour ♪

[thunder clap]

♪ the weather started
getting rough ♪



♪ the tiny ship was tossed ♪

♪ if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪

♪ the minnow would be lost ♪

♪ the minnow would be lost ♪

♪ the ship set ground
on the shore of this ♪

♪ uncharted desert isle ♪

♪ with gilligan ♪

♪ the skipper too ♪

♪ the millionaire
and his wife ♪

♪ the movie star ♪

♪ the professor and Mary Ann ♪

♪ here on gilligan's isle ♪♪

[Upbeat music]

[Sneezing]



Oh, this sneezing and itching
is driving me crazy.

Skipper, have you eaten anything
out of the ordinary lately?

Like poison berries maybe?

Pardon me, professor.
Thanks a lot, gilligan.

- Itching and sneezing.
- Itching and sneezing?

Hey, skipper, take it easy.

Nobody ever died
from itching and sneezing.

Have they, professor?

Unfortunately, gilligan, these
symptoms maybe an indication

of something far more serious.

Like what?

Well, according to this book
on tropical diseases

it could be very serious.
We have to watch him carefully.

[Sneezing]

[Theme music]

Skipper, how do you feel?

- Professor, I feel excellently.
- Oh, that's remarkable.

Well, we still don't know what
caused the itching and sneezing.

Yeah, isn't that amazing?
I don't know what caused it.

Maybe I invented some
kinda new disease, huh?

The girls are making a net
for your ping pong table

out of sugarcane.

- Out of sugarcane?
- Absolutely.

Well, now,
that's a great idea.

In case, we get tired
of playing ping pong

we can always eat the net.

Oh, boy, I can hardly wait for
the ping pong table to be done.

Smash, powey, bang!
Uh-oh.

- Uh-oh, what?
- I lost the ball.

Gilligan, for goodness sake,
just never mind this

get some bamboo and start lining
the side of the table.

Skipper, you sure,
you feel alright?

I feel fine, gilligan,
thank you.

Now, get with the bamboo.

I don't understand. Yesterday
you were sicker than a dog

in fact you were
scratching like a dog.

Professor,
maybe he has fleas.

Gilligan, I assure you,
I never felt better in my life.

Well, you've got to admit,
skipper, whatever you had

you made a most
amazing recovery.

'If he's fully recovered'

he might have a sneaky disease
like my aunt Sara had.

It goes away and then turns
around and comes right back.

Gilligan, that's ri..

- Oh-oh.
- What do you mean, oh-oh?

Can't a fellow sneeze without
everybody staring at him?

[Sneezing]

Well, back to the books.

This time look up
under sneaky diseases.

Gilligan, what was that for?

Well, at least it stopped
you from sneezing.

I've checked you out
thoroughly, skipper

and there's no evidence
of tropical disease.

That's marvelous, professor.

Now, we'll have to look
for some other type of disease.

Oh, that's terrible.

Well, I'm sure,
it can't be too serious.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Still, an undiagnosed illness
could prove to be fatal.

Uh, back to terrible again.

I'm sorry to have to tell you
that you probably have

comunitus allergititus.

I do?

I knew it, I knew it.

Oh, professor, now,
straight from the shoulder.

Come on, now, how much
longer do I have to live?

Well, I'd say
about 40 more years.

- Forty years?
- Yes.

Comunitus allergititus is merely
a fancy word for allergy.

Oh, professor, I'm sure
glad I've got the..

[Babbling]

...whatever, that, you know,
that you just said.

I'm so happy, professor.
Ha ha.

Lovey, we must find out what the
poor captain is allergic too.

Well, maybe he's allergic
to my collection of jewelry.

Please, those diamonds
I bought you are nothing

to sneeze on, believe me.

You know, thurston,
the whole thing is ridiculous.

After all the skipper has
a common allergy

and we don't own
anything common.

Except of course
our common stocks.

Well, let's see,
I have the sea weed

the palm thorns,
and the coconut shells

professor asked me to get
for the skippers allergy test.

I've got samples of all my
cosmetics including one

perfume guarantee to drive
any normal man wild.

I wasted all my time in Kansas
using honey behind each ear.

Honey? Did you attract
many boys that way?

Well, not very many boys,
but lots of flies.

Well, obviously you're not
allergic to anything

the girls at the house
brought over.

What do we try next?

Well, we just
keep trying that's all.

Hey, professor,
have the skipper sniff this.

- What is that, gilligan?
- It's a duck egg.

A duck egg?

[Duck quacking]

Take it easy, Gretchen.
I'll bring it back in a minute.

For heaven sake, gilligan

take that thing back
to it's mother and..

Professor, he sneezed.

Oh, that's ridiculous, gilligan.
For goodness, I'm not..

...allergic to a duck egg?

Gilligan, give me that egg.

Then you walk back
there by yourself.

- By myself?
- Yes.

Alright. Now, walk
slowly toward the skipper.

How about that, professor?
He thinks I'm a duck egg.

Now, walk back again,
gilligan.

Well, professor,
what does this mean?

Why, it's simple, skipper,
you're allergic to gilligan.

To me?

[Theme music]

- Gilligan.
- I'm almost ready, professor.

When you bathed did
you use the special soap

I made out of
non-allergic ingredients?

I scrubbed so hard, I think,
I scrubbed a couple of freckles.

Alright.

Professor, do you really think
that I'm allergic to gilligan?

Well, it's probably
not gilligan himself.

You know, well, there have
been rare medical cases where

one person was actually
allergic to another.

In this instance, I feel that
it's probably something on

gilligan's person which is
triggered your allergy.

Sure, it's gotta be.

I mean, it's ridiculous
that I'm allergic to gilligan.

I mean, we've been
buddies for years.

Well, come on,
let's see what happens.

Gilligan.

Okay, skipper,
come in and smell me now.

- Hi, little buddy.
- Hi, skipper.

How are things?

Well, I think things
are just swell, gilligan.

Things are fine.
How are things with you?

You know something, skipper?

You're not sneezing
or scratching anymore.

You know something,
you're right.

I'm not sneezing or scratching.

- You're not allergic to me.
- No.

Wasn't that a silly idea. I was
allergic to my little buddy.

Gilligan, we got to go out and
have a bite of lunch together.

- This one was just left over.
- Just left over, yeah.

[Sneezing]

Gilligan, I got to get away
from you before I sneeze

all the fillings
out of my teeth.

[Upbeat music]

[Sneezing]

Do you really think this is all
in my mind, professor?

Let's put it this way, skipper,
it's possible for an allergy

to be psychological
instead of physical.

But that's ridiculous.

I like him.
Gilligan is a friend of mine.

But you do admit that he
annoys you from time to time.

But I don't dislike him,
I mean, it's just that I'd like

to kill him every now and then.

Well, we'll soon find out.

If the others file through
when you're blind folded

and you sneeze only at gilligan
it will prove conclusively

that you're allergic to him for
physical and not mental reasons.

- Thurston, isn't this exciting?
- Yes, it is.

However, I doubt if sniffing
the captain would ever replace

Polo as the national past time.

Can you imagine someone
testing me to see

if I could be mistaken
for a boy?

Well, you better take off
those earrings.

Gilligan seldom wears
bells that tinkle.

Gilligan,
don't look so down cast.

The world isn't coming
to an end.

Might as well be.
My best friend can't stand me.

I don't know whether it's
accidental or on purpose.

Folks, file in one at a time,
pause a few seconds

and then exit
and please, no talking.

[Upbeat music]

- I don't think he recognized..
- Shh, quite.

Oh, quite,
both of you.

[Indistinct]

- Guess who?
- Oh, ginger, stop that.

- Professor, I'm sorry--
- oh, Mary Ann.

Gilligan.
Gilligan, is that you?

Well, don't just stand there,
say something.

[Sneezing]

Gesundheit!

- Gesundheit!
- Oh, thanks a lot, gilligan.

Don't forget to take the
checkers as you could play

with the professor because
you're gonna be living with him.

Sure.

Oh, the professor
is a real swell guy.

You can learn a lot living
with a fellow like him.

Like what?

Well like...Learning
how to count up to ten in Latin.

[Sneezing]

I better be going, so you can
stop sneezing and scratching.

Yes, thanks a lot, gilligan.
Goodbye.

Oh, I'll be seeing you
around, skipper.

Well, of course you'll
be seeing me around, gilligan.

After all we're on
the same island.

[Sneezing]

I forgot my spy ring
with the secret--

gilligan, will you go, please?

Hey, skipper.

Gilligan, what did you
forget this time?

I forgot.

Oh, I just remembered.

[Music continues]

Professor, professor,
you asleep?

Oh, what is it, gilligan?

Don't you ever snore?

Not that I know of.

- Goodnight, gilligan.
- Goodnight, professor.

- I can't sleep, it's too quite.
- It's too what?

I'm used to the skipper snore.
He snore something awful.

Alright, gilligan. Alright.
I'll tell you what.

If you let me
go back to sleep, I'll try

to snore like the skipper,
is that a deal?

- It's a deal.
- Thank you.

How are you gonna do that?

Gilligan, will you please go..

Would you go back to sleep?

Gilligan, I hate to tell you--

I know. I know,
you're allergic to me too.

[Instrumental music]

Transactions of money..

Mr. Howell.

Mr. Howell.

I wanna thank you and
Mrs. Howell for letting me stay.

That's alright, my boy,
not at all, go back to sleep.

I don't understand
why the skipper and professor

are allergic to me. Nobody's
ever been allergic before.

Except my father, he used
to say I caused him hives.

Your father must have been
a prince of the whole place.

Mr. Howell, I sure miss skipper
snoring. Do you ever snore?

No, gilligan, I don't snore,
but confidentially Mrs. Howell

talks in her sleep.

Thurston howell, that's a
perfectly awful thing to say.

And the terrible thing is

I can't understand
a word that she say..

At least I don't walk in my..

...my sleep like
some people I know.

Yeah, but at least
I do it...Quietly.

Nothing personal, dear boy,
but..

- Au revoir, will you?
- What does that mean?

Au revoir, my dear boy is
French for go sleep at a hotel.

- Hey, is anybody asleep?
- I think, ginger is.

Not anymore.

Oh, gilligan, try
to go to sleep, will ya?

I don't know, I think the whole
world's allergic to me.

Oh, gilligan,
don't be silly.

Ginger and I
aren't sneezing, are we?

No, you're not, huh.

Now, could we all close our
mouths and our eyes so we can..

[Sneezing]

Which one of you was that?

Oh, both of us.

- Oh, gilligan.
- Gilligan.

[Sneezing]

[Sneezing continues]

[Instrumental music]

I just realized, everybody's
here and nobody's sneezing.

Why should we be?
Gilligan's not around.

Yeah, that's right.

Say, come to think of it,
I wonder where gilligan is?

Skipper, skipper,
look at that note I just found

pinned to the supply hut.

"To whom it may concern
and everyone else

"I will never ever again make
any of your sneeze, cry, itch

"or other things anymore because
I am moving to the other side

"of the island to live out
the rest of my life by myself.

"Or maybe
even become a hermit.

Sincerely gilligan."

How very thoughtful.

Remind me to send
the dear boy a care package.

Come on, Mr. Howell,
don't tell me you're happy

because gilligan
moved out on us?

No, I'm not. Though my nose
is very grateful.

That's correct, skipper.

I really must agree
with thurston.

No matter how much
we love gilligan

this constant sneezing
is quite uncouth.

To say nothing about what it
does to a girl's make-up.

It's not that we won't miss
gilligan, skipper

it's just that
there isn't any other solution.

Why, I can't believe my ears.

I mean, gilligan's
one of the sweetest

kindest little guys
in the whole world.

Mr. Howell, didn't he just fix
your favorite chair last week?

Yes, yes, yes.
The dear boy does mean well.

It's not gonna to be the same
without gilligan around here.

It's just not going
to be the same, Mary Ann.

Well, what are
we standing here for?

Why don't we go out
and bring him back?

- Let's go find him.
- Good idea.

How will we find him
in all this wilderness?

We'll find a way, Mrs. Howell.
This time we will use our heads.

I've got a better idea.
This time let's use our noses.

- Gilligan, where are you?
- Keep sniffing, lovey.

We'll know we're getting close
when we start to..

[Sniffing]
...Sneeze.

I never knew there were
so many different kinds

of smells in the world.

Oh, yes, there's so many
things we take for granted.

The fragrance of a wet rolls
Royce after an April shower.

Marvelously aroma of
a brand new sable coat.

The heady intoxication
of the stock market

when it first opens
in the morning.

Thurston,
I do so miss the smells

of simple everyday living.

Chin up, old girl.
Keep sniffing.

Gilligan, gilligan.

Gilligan!

Gilligan.

[Sneezing]

Gilligan, I know
you're around here somewhere.

(Both)
Gilligan? Gilligan.

Gilligan.

Ginger, you've so much perfume
on, all I can smell is you.

Well, naturally,
if I can't find gilligan

I wanna make sure
that gilligan finds me.

Oh, gee. Poor gilligan
down here all by himself--

[sneezing]

Mary Ann, you-you--

[sneezing]

He must be in the cave.
I'll go get the others.

What for?

Well, to have 'em talk gilligan
into coming back with us.

Alright, you do it your way,
I'll do it mine.

What's your way?

Well, the way I practice
the general art of persuasion

three's a crowd.

As a matter of fact

sometimes even two gets
to be a little crowded.

[Sneezing]

Gilligan?

Ginger, what are you
doing here?

Well--

[sneezing]

I miss you, gilligan.
And I want you to come home.

You do?
What about the allergy?

[Sneezing]

Silly boy, well, it's a little
sneezing and itching.

A man's a man,
and a woman's a woman.

But everybody's
so miserable.

[Sneezing]

Miserable?

Gilligan, this effect
you have on me

makes you see more mysterious.

[Sneezing]

- And exciting.
- It does?

Yes. When I stand next
to you like this, I..

...i just tingle all over.

[Sneezing]

And I get
shivers up my spine.

[Sneezing]

And I also sneeze
my head off.

[Sneezing]

[Instrumental music]

Gilligan, little buddy!
Gilligan.

Gilligan, come out,
we wanna see ya.

- Hi, skipper.
- Hello, gilligan.

- We came down to say hello.
- Everybody's here.

Yes, sort of an official
committee to plead with you to--

we want you to know
that we miss you dear.

What we're trying to say is
there anything we can do--

to make your life more
comfortable is what he's--

is there
anything at all?

It's no use, gilligan.
We gotta get out of here.

We'll write you a letter.

[Sneezing]

[Upbeat music]

Gentlemen, I've got
good news.

I finally developed a vaccine
for the gilligan allergy.

- Well, good for you.
- Yeah.

(Both)
You what?

Yes.

Did you hear that, Mr. Howell?
Great! Great news, professor.

I'm gonna
go get my buddy.

You get your little buddy..

(Thurston singing)
He's a jolly good fellow.

[Sneezing]

Hey, everybody, gilligan's back.

Come out
and see our little buddy.

- Welcome home, gilligan.
- Thanks, Mrs. Howell.

There now, gilligan..

[Sneezing]

You better stand downwind

until the professor gives
you the vaccine.

Which way
is downwind?

Hello, gilligan. Well, we're all
ready for our vaccine?

You're not stabbing me
with that thing?

Oh, come on, gilligan.
That needle just looks big.

Because it is big.
It's not needle, it's a harpoon.

Come now, gilligan,
what are you a..

[Sneezing]

...man or a mouse?

Squeak, squeak, squeak.

Shame on you, gilligan.
I'd take that if I were you.

Well, there's nothing to it.
Now, is there, professor?

Well, there seems
to be a slight mis..

[Sneezing]

...a slight misconception here.

The shots are for us.
Not gilligan.

There you..

(Both)
For us?

We are taking shots,
not gilligan.

Oh, good gracious!

It's sort of
an anti-gilligan..

[Gasping]
...Vaccine

precisely, in which you'll need
two shots a week, perhaps three.

Ooh! For how long?

As long as we're on the island
and allergic to gilligan.

But, professor,
that could take years.

He'd turn us all
into pin cushions.

Yes, we better stop drinking
or we'll start sprinkling.

Where are you going,
gilligan?

Back to the cave.

[Gibberish]

Ooh! That's a big one.
Head for the hills.

[Instrumental music]

Aa aa..

Professor. Professor,
wake up, please. Wake up!

What is it, skipper?

Well, I've made up my mind.

I want my anti-gilligan shots
right now.

Alright, I'll warn you.
This is gonna hurt a little bit.

Oh, don't worry about that,
I was in the Navy, I was used as

a human target for
the entire Japanese fleet.

Just a minute.

I had three ships shot
right off in front of me.

Alright, skipper, roll up..

[Instrumental music]

- Well, go on, gilligan, move.
- No, skipper, it's your move.

You lame brain,
I moved last.

I beg to differ, skipper,
I moved last.

Gilligan, you fat-head,
it's your move.

- You know something, skipper?
-What?

It's nice
to be home again.

(Skipper)
'Sure is, little buddy.'

aa aa..

I was just kidding.

You sure know
how to hurt a guy.

By the way, skipper,
thanks for taking those shots.

You're a good friend.

Oh, it was my pleasure.
Alright, I'll move.

Now crown my checker before
I crown you with this table.

- It's my move, huh?
- Yes.

[Upbeat music]

- Oh!
- Thurston, it hurts.

Oh, when I laugh
it hurts.

Ooh! Such pain.

Oh, come on, I don't know what
you folks are complaining about

this makes
two shots for me.

Well, you're bigger
than we are.

At least none of you had
to give yourselves a shot.

Everybody, listen. You don't
have to take any shots.

What did you say?

We don't have
to take any shots?

No. I found out what's making
everybody sneeze.

It's the oil from papaya nut
I use as hair tonic.

I just made a new batch
that makes me sneeze. Watch.

[Sneezing]

Great news, huh?

Oh, gilligan, I've got great
news for you.

- You do. What is it?
- We're gonna kill you!

[Upbeat music]

[Theme music]

- Hi, professor.
- Oh, skipper, did you make it?

Yeah, I've got it
right here.

Oh, that's perfect.

Wait until gilligan
sees this needle.

Let's get him over here.
Gilligan! Gilligan?

Yeah, professor.

Gilligan, little buddy,
the professor is very concerned

about your present condition.

He is? What about?

Your body has absorbed so much
of that papaya nut oil

through your scalp that you
should have a shot of allergy

serum to guard against
a sudden reaction.

Is that all? If all
of you could take shots for me.

I guess I can take
a little old...Shot.

Oh, no.
Oh, no.

(Both)
Come on. Come on.

(Gilligan)
Aah!

Gilligan, it doesn't matter
where you get the shot.

♪ now this is
the tale of our castaways ♪

♪ they're here
for a long long time ♪

♪ they'll have to make
the best of things ♪

♪ it's an uphill climb ♪

♪ the first mate
and the skipper too ♪

♪ will do their very best ♪

♪ to make the others
comfortable ♪

♪ in their tropic
island nest ♪

♪ no phone no lights
no motorcar ♪

♪ not a single luxury ♪

♪ like Robinson crusoe ♪

♪ it's primitive as can be ♪

♪ so join us here
each week my friends ♪

♪ you're sure to get a smile ♪

♪ from seven stranded
castaways ♪

♪ here on gilligan's isle ♪♪