Gilligan's Island (1964–1992): Season 2, Episode 11 - The Chain of Command - full transcript

♪ just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale ♪

♪ a tale of a fateful trip ♪

♪ that started
from this tropic port ♪

♪ aboard this tiny ship ♪

♪ the mate was
a mighty sailin' man ♪

♪ the skipper brave and sure ♪

♪ 5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour ♪

♪ a 3-hour tour ♪

♪ the weather started
getting rough ♪

♪ the tiny ship was tossed ♪

♪ if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪



♪ the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost ♪

♪ the ship set ground
on the shore of this ♪

♪ uncharted desert isle ♪

♪ with gilligan ♪

♪ the skipper, too ♪

♪ the millionaire and his wife ♪

♪ the movie star ♪

♪ the professor and Mary Ann ♪

♪ here on gilligan's isle ♪

Ok.
Now,
as soon as

we get these Poles
stacked, professor,

we've got to
start working
on the coconut bombs.

Right, skipper.

You really think
there might be



headhunters
around this island?

Well, gilligan,
you were with us

when we
found this.

It's a papuan
headdress,

worn only
when those savages
are on the warpath.

Gilligan,
you don't think

that this walked here
by itself, do you?

I mean, after all,
we--

we can't take
any chances

with these headhunters
around here.

No, sir.
Some of them
might be killers.

A distinct possibility.

Now, we've got
to start

getting
back to camp

and getting
these things
in there

so we can defend
ourselves.

Right.

Skipper!
Skipper!

Don't bother me,
gilligan.

But, skipper!

Gilligan, we've got
lots of work to do.

Aah!

Skipper?

Gilligan, I could
have been killed
by that tree.

Well, I shouted
to you,

and you said,
"don't bother me."

Well, but
if ever you see

that I'm about
to be killed again,

it's ok to bother me,
alright?

Hey, it would have
been rotten
for all of us

if you
had been killed.

Well, it wouldn't
have been exactly

fun and games for me,
either.

Think of it.
All of us here
without a skipper.

Wait a minute.

Who would have
replaced me?

What do you mean?
With all these

cannibals here
and everything.

Why, the first thing
they'd do is kill
their leader.

Please.

Who'd be at the helm
if I weren't here?

Uh, well, I guess
we'd be just lost.

Oh, gilligan.

I've got to think.
Just let me think.

Just in case, I've got
to have a replacement.

Let me think.

I'll think with you.

I know!

Who? Who?

He's got
to be strong,
I'll tell you that.

Strong? He's got
to be strong?

Skipper,
you want me

to lift weights,
skipper?
Uh, anything?

Anything big?
Bigger
than this?

He's got
to be real Navy.

Real Navy, skipper?
Real Navy?

Oh, dear, sir.
I seem to have
lost my watch.

How many bells
is it?

Something else.
He's got to have
real vision.

Real vision?
Real vision?

Hey, skipper.
You see the mosquito

out there,
over the lagoon?

That's the same one
that buzzed me
last night.

I can tell by the Mark
under his wing.

Oops. It's
under her wing.

He's got to look
like a skipper.

Uh, look--
look like a skipper.

Oh, gilligan.
For goodness sakes,

will you get
out of my way?

I'm trying to think.

Aye, aye, sir.
On the double.

Who's right
for the job? Who?

Who could handle
an attack? Who?

Gilligan!

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.

Yes, sir, captain.

Oh. Where's
the professor?

Professor,
I've got to talk
to you.

Well, I've been waiting
to talk to you, skipper.

I've been giving
a good deal of thought

to our defense
against these savages.

Then you're
just the man
I want to see.

Do you know
that in 122 a.D.

The emperor hadrian
commanded plautorius nepos,

then the governor
of britain,

to undertake the building
of a structure

which later became known
as hadrian's wall?

Really?
That's true.

However, that would
be wrong for us,

as would William
the conqueror's

tower of London,
circa 1066.

But the savage mind
today,

which is similar
to the apache marauder
of 300 years ago,

is the clue
to our defense.
Now, look,

the upper level
will be open

and accessible
only by ladders
and notched Poles,

which can be pulled up
in case of attack.

But, professor,
do you know how long
it'd take to build that?

Well, the savages
we're dealing with
are very clever.

Yes, but
they're fast, too.

I mean, we've got
to have something

to defend
ourselves now,

not 10 years
from now.

Well, we can't jump
into anything, skipper.

We've got to examine
all sides of the question,

and then after extensive
consideration--

but, professor,
you just don't seem
to understand.

Those savages
are probably waiting

over the hill
right now,

and at any moment,
to shoot arrows
at us.

Oh? What kind of arrows?

Sharp arrows,
of course.

What difference
does it make
what kind of arrows?

Well, the kind of arrow
would give us
an indication

of a type
of defense.

For instance,
a flaming arrow

can be extraordinarily
dangerous.

Certainly it can be,
professor.

It could also
give you heartburn.
Exactly.

Hey, skipper.
Skipper.

Look at this new
longbow I invented.

Gilligan,
didn't anybody

ever tell you
not to point?

I thought that meant
just for fingers.

Skipper, this ought
to come in real handy
in case we're attacked.

Why don't you
try it out?

Well, it looks like
a very nice bow,
gilligan.

That's quite an idea
that you've got.

It is, skipper.
It really is good.

It'll probably save
a lot of lives.

Yeah.

Yes, gilligan.
It'll probably

save a lot
of lives.

A lot of
savages' lives!

Now, here,
take this

and make some
fire out of it.

Make it--use it
for kindling.

Oh, I've got
to find somebody

that could
take over.

Are you
absolutely certain

that we're going
be captured,
thurston?

Yes, my dear.
It's terribly
distressing.

I just don't know
what to wear
to a capture, that's all.

Well, I don't think
beige would clash

with those
grass skirts

the natives
always wear.

I do think chiffon's
terribly chic
for a capture.

Don't you, darling?

No, my dear.
I'm not too sure
about chiffon.

I mean,
to a garden party,
yes.

Oh, chiffon will
take you everywhere.

Now, do you think
these,

uh, these
Oxford shirts
are too informal?

I mean, I could
wear them with the--

we must be sure
not to upset them,
dear.

They might
get nasty,
and drop us

into one
of those pots
of boiling water.

Well, in that case,
uh, drip dry.

Who is it?

It's me.

Oh, the captain.
Yes, yes.
Come in. Come in.

May I say that
this is the time
for action.

Oh, I like
your kind of man.

May I repeat,
this is the time
for action.

For example,
you're certainly not

gonna wear that outfit
to a capture, are you?

Huh?
Well,
we've been mulling

about what to wear
to a capture.

Have you ever
been to one?

Oh, it may seem
incredible
to you, captain,

but this
will be our
first capture.

Now, wait a minute,
you two,

we're a long way
from being captured.

And besides,
even if we were captured,

what we're wearing
couldn't be
less important.

Ooh, what you said.

Dressing is always
terribly important.

Now,
if it's a signing
of a formal treaty,

we--we
dress formally.

If it's an outright
capture,

we dress somber,
but sincere.

Darling,
do you think

my cerise
smoking jacket
is too obvious, hmm?

Oh, come on.
Can't you two

stop talking
about clothes
for a minute?

We've got
to work on a plan

to save us
from those savages.

Oh, I've been
working on that
for hours.

Ransom money.

Ransom money?
Yes.

Everybody understands
cash, captain.

Oh, you two
just don't seem
to understand.

I mean, those savages
are headhunters.

They're gonna come at us
with Spears.
Ooh!

No spear can
go through
this.

Hey, skipper?
Look at this new weapon.

I made a whole
bunch of them.

Hey, that's quite
a slingshot.

Don't. What did
I tell you

about pointing,
gilligan?

Oh, it's rude,
yeah.

Well, not that way.
This way.

Oh. Ready, aim, fire.

Oof!

Gilligan,
will you give me
that thing?

Now, where are
the girls?

The girls?

The girls.

I think they're
in their hut.

Oh, thanks a lot,
gilligan. Now, here.

Whoa!

Give me that
thing, gilligan.
Let go of it.

There.
Now it's safe.

Come in.

Hi, girls.
How's it going?

Uh, how's,
uh, what going,
skipper?

Well, you've been
rolling bandages.

The bandages.
Where are they?

You tell him.

No,
you tell him.

Oh, come on, you two.
Where are the bandages

that you were supposed
to be rolling?

Oh, they're
in her hair.

In her hair?

Well, you see,

um, I read this story
in a magazine

about a movie star
who was stuck
in a hick town,

and she didn't
know what to do
with her hair.

And so
she tore up some
old pillowcases

and she
made curlers
out of them.

So when we were
rolling the bandages,

I told Mary Ann
the story,
and she said that--

well, I said it,
but it was
your idea.

Well, I didn't say
that we should do it.

Well, it's
the same thing.

Gilligan,
little buddy.

Come here
and sit down.

I want to talk
with you.
That's it.

You know,
I've been thinking

a lot about you
lately.

As a matter of fact,
I made a decision
of great importance.

About what?

Well, the fact is,
gilligan,

if anything
happened to me,

there's only one
logical replacement,
and that's you.

Yeah, I thought
you might say--

me? Me?

Oh, this is
my first promotion
since grammar school.

Well, gilligan,
it's not exactly
a promotion.

It's just, uh, well,
in case something
happens to me.

Well, it's better
than being put back,
skipper.

Skinny mulligan
was in the eighth grade,

and he got put back
all the way--

never mind about
skinny mulligan.

Now, little buddy,
this is gonna take
a lot of hard work.

And in order
for you to assume
the command,

I've got to get you
into shape.

Oh, skipper,
I'm in great shape.

I can do 6 push-ups
and 3 sit-ups
all in one day.

Want to see one?

No.
Thanks very much,
gilligan.

Now, the idea is

in order
to be a skipper

and for people
to treat you
like a skipper,

you've got
to look like one.

Now,
get on your feet,
gilligan.

Now, pay attention.

Ten-hut!
Suck in your gut!

Roll out your chest!

It's out.

Chin in.

In where?

Will you look
straight out?

Sneer a little.
Scowl a bit.

Bring your
shoulders up.

Loosen your arms.

Make a big fist
with your
right hand

and put it
in your left.

That's it,
gilligan.

Now, bend your knees
a bit.

Clear your throat.

Get ready to bark
out the command,
"battle stations!"

Alright,
gilligan. Bark.

Alright, gilligan.
That's not funny.

I want you to bark
out an order.

It's gotta come
from there!

Battle stations!

That's it, gilligan.
Battle stations!

Battle stations!
How's that?

Peachy, gilligan.
But why don't
you say it

so someone will pay
attention to you?
Oh.

Battle stations!
Please.

Gilligan,
just forget anything
that I've said.

Aw, skipper.
I do better

if there are
people out there,
you know?

You know, gilligan,
I've got news
for you.

You're not ready
for people yet!

Forward, march.

Hup, 2, 3, 4.
Hup, 2, 3, 4.

Hup, 2, 3, 4.
Hup, 2, 3, 4.

Hup, 2, 3, 4,
hup--

my troops will
go anywhere for me.

I'm ready. Ooh.

I think.

Gilligan, I feel
that we have
quite an arsenal.

Here's our catapult.

These are
our war clubs.
Ha ha ha.

Our Spears,
our coconut bombs,
our shields,

and last
but not least,
our helmets.

Oh.

Now, in order
to confuse
our enemy,

the people will
be called by letters,

which they already know,
and the weapons will be--

oh, gilligan.
Never mind playing
with the helmets.

This is business.
Aah.

Now, the weapons
will be called by number,

such as the helmets
are number one,

the shields
are number 2,

the coconuts
are number 3,
and so forth.

What's fifth?

Uh, the war clubs,
gilligan.
Never mind that.

Now, everybody down
behind the barricade.

Come on.
Let's try this.

Now, I want you
to watch, gilligan.

I want you to watch
this precision,

and watch it
closely.

Alright. C-1.

B-2.

A-3.

D-4.

E-2.

Double time.
Double time.

Very good, people.

Now, gilligan.
Do you understand
that?

No. Yes.
I think so.

Look.
Mrs. Howell is "a."
Mr. Howell is "b."

The professor is "c."
Mary Ann is "d,"
and ginger is "e."

Now, if we want
one of 'em
to get a weapon,

we say number one
for the helmets,

number 2
for the shields,

number 3
for the coconuts,

and on down
the line, right?

Now,
have you got that?

Yeah. It's easy.

Fine, gilligan.
Alright,
everybody.

Attention.
We're gonna
try it again,

and this time,
gilligan
is taking over.

They're all yours,
gilligan,

and be rough
with 'em.

B-1.

A-1.
C-4.

D-3. E-4.

A-7. No.
C, d, e-1.

Uh, e-3.

A-1. B-3.

C-7. B-6.
E-1.

A, b, c, d, e?

Don't worry, skipper.
Give me a chance.

I'll prove it to you.
I'm a real good skipper.

Gilligan, to a monkey
you may be a skipper,

but to a skipper,
you're no skipper
at all!

It's not
a fair test.

Why not?

Because you're here.
I mean,

nobody's paying
any attention
to me at all.

They're all
lookin' at you.

That's ridiculous.

Yeah? I bet
if you weren't here,
I'd do real good.

Come on, skipper.
Please. Can I have
another chance?

Alright,
gilligan. Continue
with the drill.

I'll go down
to the lagoon

and see if any
savages have landed.

Alright.
Now, we'll try

a little
more drilling.

Ten-hut!

Wait a minute.
Mr. Howell?

Mr. Howell,
what's wrong?

You forgot to say
"Simon says."

Simon says!
Simon says!
Simon--

who's Simon?

Skipper!

Hey, skipper!

Skipper!

"Completely surrounded
by savages.

I know I'll never
escape now, and--"

savages. Savages.
Professor. Professor.

Mr. Howell.
Hey, everybody,
the savages!

The savages! They've
captured the skipper!
Help! Help!

They captured
the skipper!

They captured
the skipper!

They captured
the skipper!

"Completely
surrounded by savages.

I know I'll never
escape from them."

I'm going to faint!

No, no, no.
Don't faint, lovey.

You know I faint
when I see anyone
else faint.

Oh, my poor darling.

I found the note
and hat by the lagoon.

It looks like
a big fight.

Well, what
do we do now?

Don't worry, Mr. Howell.

The skipper felt
this was gonna happen,

and he trained
me to take over.

Well, I'll
handle this, gilligan.

After all,
I am the professor.

No, I'll take over.

I've handled major
corporations for years

and done rather well,
if I say so myself.

Wait a minute.
I've been trained
to take over!

Well, I think
we must examine

all the evidence
very carefully

before we jump
to conclusions.

But, professor--

no buts, gilligan! We have
to investigate at once!

Absolutely.

Does look
like a scuffle
took place here.

These footprints,
and the fact that
some of these rocks

have been turned over
would seem to bear that out.

Come on, we gotta
find out where
they took the skipper.

Oh, exactly, gilligan.
But first we must
determine

the rate of flow
of the tide.

What difference
does that make?

Well, it's extremely
important, gilligan.

The savage mind,
by instinct,

knows that it's safer
to travel at high tide.

But they're not
taking a tour.

They took the skipper!

These leaves will
show us the direction
of the tide.

That way we'll know
whether the skipper

has been taken
off the island or not.

Mr. Howell, I think
the professor's
wasting time.

Yes, so do I, my boy.

I'm working
on an entirely
different theory.

Now,
you take this note--

I meant it
as a figure of speech!

Don't take it.
Refer to it!

We must think in terms
of new evidence.

Are we sure that
this is the skipper's
handwriting?

I didn't write it.
I just found it.

But the "a"
looks like an "o,"

and the "e"
is very thin.

You dot it,
and it's an "I."

Perhaps it's
not the skipper's
handwriting.

If it's a forgery,
it's completely
worthless.

Professor, we've
gotta find the skipper!

Not until we've
learned about the tide.

Huh? Oh...

Mr. Howell,
I can't do a thing
with the professor.

Just like
all eggheads!
All think, no do.

Maybe you'd better
talk to him, huh?

Alright, my boy,
come on.

Are you through
playing with your
boats in the bathtub?

Please, Mr. Howell,
this is very important.

It's a scientific
approach to the problem.

Scientific approach?
I tell you, that egghead

wasn't born,
he was hatched!

Now, see here,
Mr. Howell,

I do not have--

what about
the skipper?

The skipper, oh, yes!

Once I get this
on a business-like basis,

we'll find him at once.

We are not
forming a corporation.

And we are not forming
an f.B.I. Of the south
sea islands!

I will not
be intimidated
by your wealth!

I will not be intimidated
by your intellectual
propaganda!

I wish you would
listen to someone
else for a change!

You're always
so positive!

That is not true!
I'm positive that
I'm not always positive!

Do you think you
can do it, gilligan?

I'm sure I can.

The skipper
taught me everything:

How to stand,
how to walk,
how to give a command.

I'm ready to be skipper,
and nobody'll let me.

Alright, let's see.

Give me a command.

Okay.

Suck in your gut!

I'm sorry, Mary Ann.

Oh, well,
that was very good.

Alright.
Go ahead.

Uh, 2 buoys at
the starboard beam!

Well, what's that?

I think it sounds Navy,

but it makes
me feel salty.

See my sneer
and my scowl?

And my narrow eyes?

Oh...well,
you look very different.

Yeah, and
I feel different.

When you
gotta be a skipper,

you gotta
look like a skipper.

Oh, you do
look like the skipper.

I do?

Uh-huh.

Forward, hhurch!

Mary Ann, how'd I do?

Mary Ann? Mary Ann?

Mary Ann!

Gilligan,
you've got me marching!

Now, I think
you ought to go out
and tell the others

who the skipper
really is.

Oh, you can
do it, can't you?

I think I can.
I think I can.

Oh, go out there
and be a take-charge guy!

I think I can!

Show some authority
I think
I can!

Go out
and tell them!

I think I can!

Go out
and show 'em!
I can!

I think.

I know I can.
I know I can.

I know I can.

Ok, gilligan. Now.
Take over!

Mary--Mary--

ten-hut!

How dare you
talk like that
to your captain!

Howell, i'm
the new skipper here!

And don't any
of you forget it!

Now, pipe down
and shape up!

Well, I mean--
quiet!

Now...

The skipper wanted
me to be skipper

if anything happened
to the skipper.

And I'm gonna be skipper

because that's the way
the skipper wanted it.

Any questions?!

Well---

we're gonna have a search

for the skipper...
Right now!

Any questions?!

Tun-hut!

Left...face!

Forward...hharch!

Hup!

Hup!

Hup!

Hup!

We'll use this canvas

to trap one
of the savages.

When he steps on this vine,
it'll trigger that rock,

and the vines will pull up
the corners of the canvas

and will bag him like
a sackful of potatoes.

And then we'll force him
to take us to where
the skipper is.

Professor,
you climb that tree
and act as lookout.

Yes, sir.

Mr. and mrs, howell,
go get the first aid
supplies.

There might
be trouble.

Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Aye, aye.

You girls,
go back to camp.

Yes, sir.

Captain.
Uhh!

May I volunteer?

A woman's place
is in her hut.

I bet I'd be
a very good spy.

I'm sorry.
I issued my orders.

Oh, come on, gilligan,
you're not bein' fair.

Uh...all's fair
in war and love.

Or, all's love
in fair and war.

No, really.
Give me a chance.
I'd be the perfect spy.

No. Spying
is a man's work.

Mata hari wore pants.

I know, but we
have to get information
from a savage.

I could get
any information

from anybody
that you wanted.

They don't
even talk English.

But I could lure him
into the trap.

How?

Well...
I'll just, um...

Walk over here
like this...

And wiggle.

Oh! I got it!

I got somebody
in the trap!

The trap! It worked!

Yeah! We
bagged one!

Quick! We gotta
tie him up!

Here!
Here!

Sounds like English.

Yeah.
Sometimes they learn
a few words of English

in order
to get past
the sentry.

Alright,
stand back,
everyone!

I tell you,
it's a trick!

I'll beat
the truth
out of him.

Ooh!

Ooh!

Gilligan!

"Gilligan"!
I wonder
what that means

in their tongue.

It's me!
I was not kidnapped!

It was a test
for gilligan!

Hold it! At ease!
Dismissed!

Cut him down!
Is that you,
skipper?

Of course it's me,
gilligan!

Here.

Ooohhh!

You expecting
Dr. Livingston?!

I did this whole thing
as a test for you!

There were
no savages!

Gilligan, get me
out of this thing!

It's the skipper!
He's safe!

We must be certain.
Those natives can be
terribly crafty.

Oh! Itisthe skipper!

Alright!
Line up and prepare
to move back to camp!

Wait a minute, gilligan.
I want to explain
exactly what happened.

But, skipper, you said
there were no savages.

Now, what about
that ceremonial
headdress?

That's exactly the point
I'm getting at, professor.

If you'll look inside,
there's a label there

that says
"made in Paris."

Of course
there is.

It's an original.
I had it made specially.

Oh, I must've left it
someplace on the island.

I said "line up"
before, and
I meant it!

Now, take it easy,
gilligan!

I was just explaining
about those savages.

Now, when I found
this hat out there,

I thought that i'd
give you a test.

But it just--
alright, sir,
pipe down!

I said "line up,"
and I meant it!
Ten-hut!

Huhh!

Alright, now.

Fall in
and follow me
back to camp!

Hup...2, 3, 4!

Hup, 2, 3, 4!

Hup, 2, 3 ,4!
Hup,

2, 3, 4!

Hup, 2, 3, 4!

Gilligan.
Gilligan, back!

Gilligan,
I don't care
if you are--

gilligan!
Gilligan!

Uuuhhhh!
Uuuuhhhh!

That's
the spirit,
little buddy.

Now you're getting
the hang of it.

I just love
sailors.

He wears
my commodore's
hat rather well,

don't you think,
lovey?

He looks
marvelous.

Remember, gilligan,
only 30-inch steps.

Doesn't he
look smart?

I sucked it in!

Ooh!

♪ they're here
for a long, long time ♪

♪ they'll have to make
the best of things ♪

♪ it's an uphill climb ♪

♪ the first mate
and his skipper, too ♪

♪ will do their very best ♪

♪ to make the others
comfortable ♪

♪ in the tropic island nest ♪

no phone...
No lights...

♪ no motorcars,
not a single luxury ♪

♪ like Robinson crusoe ♪

♪ it's primitive
as can be ♪

♪ so join us here
each week, my friends ♪

♪ you're sure to get a smile ♪

♪ from 7 stranded castaways ♪

♪ here on gilligan's isle ♪