Gilligan's Island (1964–1992): Season 1, Episode 12 - Birds Gotta Fly, Fish Gotta Talk - full transcript

¶ Just sit right back
and you'll hear a tale ¶

¶ A tale of a fateful trip ¶

¶ That started
from this tropic port ¶

¶ Aboard this tiny ship ¶

¶ The mate
was a mighty sailing man ¶

¶ The skipper brave and sure ¶

¶ Five passengers
set sail that day ¶

¶ For a three hour tour
a three hour tour ¶

[thunder]

¶ The weather started
getting rough ¶

¶ The tiny ship was tossed ¶



¶ If not for the courage
of the fearless crew ¶

¶ The Minnow would be lost,
The Minnow would be lost ¶

¶ The ship set ground
on the shore ¶

¶ Of this uncharted
desert isle ¶

¶ With Gilligan ¶

¶ The Skipper too ¶

¶ The millionaire and his wife ¶

¶ The movie star ¶

¶ And the rest ¶

¶ Are here on Gilligan's Isle ¶

[Christmas carol tune on radio]

It's not like we're celebrating
Christmas with a bamboo tree.

[all laughing]

And sea shells
for ornaments.



Well, it's the best
we could do here on the Island.

Right! You know
what I want for Christmas?

A nice thick
juicy steak.

I know what I'd like
for Christmas

but I don't think Cary Grant
will fit in my stocking.

You know what I want?
I wish I could be rescued.

Oh, what a wonderful
Christmas wish, Gilligan.

I'm afraid that's asking just a
bit too much from Santa Clause.

(man on radio)
'We interrupt this program to
bring you a news bulletin.'

'A group of castaways
were spotted'

'on a small island a short time
ago by our navy weather plane.'

'These maroon people are
believed to be the passengers'

'of the S.S. Minnow.'

- Oh, yeah!
- Yay!

'A small excursion boat which
was presumed lost at sea.'

'In the event the castaways
can hear this broadcast'

'let me assure them, that a navy
destroyer has been dispatched'

'to the area pinpointed
by the plane.'

'We now return you
to our regular program.'

[all celebrating]

What a Christmas present.

For Christmas I wanna
buy everybody their own island.

Yeah, that fire
and smoke gotta help

that navy destroyer
to spot us.

Right, Skipper. Lucky you didn't
burst away the Christmas wish.

Oh, you're so right,
little buddy.

I wanna tell you, you've had
your share of mistakes

but that wish has made up
for all of them.

Nothing you could do now
can make me angry.

Thanks, Skipper.

Well, let's see if we can
spot that ship out there.

Hand me the binocular.

Come on, Gilligan. I said
hand me the binocular.

You know what you said, Skipper.

You're not gonna
get angry at me.

You did it, Skipper.
You controlled yourself.

- Congratulations.
- Thanks, Gilligan.

As a matter of fact,
we've suffered through

worse experiences. Remember when
we first landed on the island?

I sure do. After I lost
the anchor, the compass broke

during the storm.
I thought we were goners.

But we were real lucky,
little buddy.

I mean the fact
that the tide left us

high and dry during the night.

Hey, Gilligan.

Gilligan!

Oh, my gosh!

Man overboard.

I'll save you, Skipper!

Gilligan, our Minnow's
been beached.

Beached? When the storm
was over and it was calm

you said we'd
be home in no time.

It may take longer.

When the passengers wake up,
what are you gonna tell them?

Think of something.

How we gonna get home,
look at those holes.

No, Skipper,
I'm very happy to be here.

I'm so happy,
I could kiss the ground.

This island tastes terrible.

Oh, Captain.
Oh, Captain.

Have your man remove our luggage
from this vessel.

I'd be very happy to,
Mr. Howell.

Where would you have it
removed to?

Oh, some place where
the limousine can pick it up

and take us
to the nearest hotel.

That storm drove us hundreds
of miles off course.

This island doesn't even
appear on my navy charts.

You should've gotten your charts
from a more reliable source.

There is no more reliable source
in the U.S. Navy.

Oh, yes there is...
The Sunnybrook Yacht. My outfit.

'Come along, Lovey.'

You know, I think someone
ought to report him.

- Well, he'll be the watch.
- I do.

You mean we're marooned?

Shush! Not loud. We have three
women on board that might panic.

You have one sailor down here
that already has.

I think I'll have another try
fixing that transmitter.

You mean the radio is broken?

Transmitter's broken,
the receiver works fine.

With no transmitter, how we
gonna tell the rescue ship

where to find us?
But Skipper, I'm scared.

Gilligan, now pull yourself
together.

There's really
nothing to worry about.

Sure, we're marooned
on an uncharted island.

Transmitter's broken, the boats
wrecked. We're low on provision.

But, does that sound
like the end of the world?

No. But, it sounds
like the end of us.

Gilligan, your job now
is to calm the passengers.

- Cheer 'em up.
- Yes, sir.

Keep 'em calm.
Cheer 'em up.

Want those people to hear
your teeth chattering?

Let me have a smile.

If I smile, sir, they'll see
my teeth chattering.

- Gilligan!
- Yes, sir. Smile.

You certainly
do look cheerful.

That's probably
'cause I'm smiling.

We got a message through,
we're gonna be saved.

No, we couldn't get a message
through. Transmitter's broken.

Broken? That's nothing
to smile about.

No, it isn't.
No, it isn't.

Then why were you smiling?

Skipper's orders.
I'm supposed to cheer you up.

What for?

So, you won't worry about
the terrible mess we're in.

Terrible mess? Oh, Gilligan.
Are we in danger?

Danger? What makes you say
a thing like that?

Gilligan, we're in awful
trouble, aren't we?

Not really, there's a chance
the transmitter can be fixed.

There's every possibility
we won't be eaten by cannibals.

If we're careful, we can stretch
our food supply to last a week.

When you think about it,
things couldn't be worse.

I want you two to see what you
can savage out of the galley.

Meanwhile, Gilligan and I
will explore the island.

Gilligan!

I got the equipment here.
I knew you're gonna need it.

Good work, let's get started.

Yes, sir.

There's exactly
what I've been looking for.

It's a coconut tree,
we've passed a 1,000 of them.

If you've seen one,
you've seen them all.

Not like this one.

'This is gotta be
the tallest tree on the island.'

Now from the top of this tree,
we can see the whole island.

Then we'll know
whether it's uninhabited or not.

That's a great idea, Skipper.

But whose gonna climb up there
and look around.

I mean,
it's only two of us here.

And you can't do it
because you're the skipper.

I can't do because I don't know
how to climb a coconut tree.

Besides, I'm afraid of heights.

I'm not starting
any mutiny, Skipper.

But I'm not
climbing up that tree.

No, siree. Not me.

'What do you see?'

Nothing. I got my eyes closed.

There's nothing to be
afraid of. Look around.

Hey, you are right, Skipper.

I can see the whole island
from up here.

Look out below.

Thanks for the warning.

Hey, I see something.
I see some people.

Is it a village?

It's just some people.
But they have a boat, Skipper.

They can get us off here.
Skipper, we're safe.

I'm sorry, Skipper.
I'm just so anxious.

Never mind that.
Are you--

Are you sure
you saw some people?

Yes, sir, and a boat too.
We're safe.

Just follow me.
I know exactly where it is.

Right this way, Skipper.
I'm blazing the old flag.

We're safe, we're safe.
Come on, Skipper. Come on.

Here's the beach.

Wait till we tell the passengers
the good news.

Woo-hoo! Look, Skipper, look.
Yippee! Yeah! Yippee! Yahoo!

Yippee! Yahoo..

Skipper, will you switch
that to our frequency?

I can hold
these two wires together

and then will you try
talking into it?

Hello? Hello? If anyone
can hear me, please answer.

- I can hear you fine.
- It works. It works.

- Skipper--
- Just a minute, Professor.

I think I've got something.

Where are you?

Right behind you.

Gilligan! We're trying
to fix the transmitter.

Oh, maybe if you took
one of these tubes in here.

The Professor and I
will fix the transmitter.

Why don't you try and catch
something for dinner?

Right, Skipper.
How about fish?

Fish sounds just fine.

Skipper, have you got
a smaller screwdriver?

I think I have
in my tool kit.

Testing. One, two, three, four.

Testing. One, two, three, four.

It works! I fixed it.

Skipper! Skipper! It works.
The transmitter works.

My voice just came over
the radio.

I found a break in the circuit
and I fixed it..

It was right here
on the rock.

Well, how could it
just vanish?

(Professor)
'The transmitter
was right here.'

Now, I know
how it could vanish.

Hi, Skipper,
going in for a dip?

Ah!

Yes, sir, all in all,
I'd say we were pretty lucky.

Hey, listen to this.

Should be just
a matter of hours now.

(male reporter)
'And a coast guard reports it is
now nearing the island.'

'According to all indications
the crew and passengers'

'of the S.S. Minnow will shortly
be leaving the island where'

'they have been marooned.'

Oh, we owe it all to Gilligan
and his Christmas wish.

Oh, that's right.

- I feel like I'm on fire.
- You are.

Get your feet
out of the fire.

I can't see any ship.

Won't be long now.

Where's the rescue party?

I thought this was
an afternoon affair.

They'll be here
any time now, Mr. Howell.

I certainly hope so or I'll have
to change into evening clothes.

Gilligan and I were talking
about the first day

we landed here,
remember that?

How can we
ever forget.

We were all simply furious
with Gilligan that day.

Certainly were.

I guess everybody
was mad at me then.

- More Blankets, one hatchet.
- Check.

A pistol, flashlight
and a pair of binoculars.

Right. Well,
that completes the list of

everything we can
salvage from the boat.

Skipper, how long do you really
think we'll be on this island.

The transmitter on
the bottom of the ocean.

We're stuck here until we're
spotted by a plane or a ship.

That could be days
or weeks or even months.

We got one box
of matches left.

- Hi.
- Oh, hi, Gilligan.

Gilligan.

You got to use these
very sparingly.

Gilligan.

Skipper, why don't you two
get a fire started.

I'll go help the others gather
more wood to keep it going.

Good idea, Professor.

Well, don't just stand here.
Go get some brush for the fire.

Aye aye, sir.

Gilligan, got the fire
ready to start yet?

- Fire ready to start, sir.
- Good.

Remember now, we've got to try
and do this with only one match.

Only one match, sir.

- We've got to be careful.
- Got to be careful.

Gilligan, will you
do me a favor?

Do you a favor?
Yes, indeed, sir.

Will you stop repeating
everything I say?

Stop repeating everything
you say? Right you are, sir.

No more repeating
everything you say.

Gilligan!

Alright now, the minute
I get the fire started

I want you to
blow into it like this.

[Skipper blowing]

Like this?

[Gilligan blowing]

Okay, here we go.

[Gilligan blowing]

Guess I blew
too soon, huh?

Well, I'm sure not going
to do that the next time.

'Cause you're not gonna
let me do it next time.

- Skipper, can I help you?
- No, Gilligan.

- Please?
- It's no use, Gilligan.

You're just plain,
old bad luck to me.

You remember
the time on that destroyer

when the death charge
broke loose?

Yes, sir. It was rolling
across the deck.

I pulled you away
and saved your life.

Well, not exactly.
You didn't save it.

You just prolonged it.

'So you'd give me
more bad luck.'

You run along.
I've got lot of work to do.

Aye aye, sir.

Oh-oh!

Shove off, Gilligan!

[orchestra music]

- Darling, look at that.
- Why, it's Gilligan.

At a time like this, water
sports. I mean, really?

(man on radio)
'And now, it's time for
your daily exercise again.'

'Open the windows, take a deep
breath and let the good old'

'tropical sun help you
stay in shape.'

'First lets try a simple
knee bend. Hand's on hips.'

'Now bend at the knee's
and here we go.'

'One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.'

'Up, down, three, four.
Up, down, three, four.'

'Come on you,
let's get with it.'

Me?

'I mean you, yes.
Up we go, down we go.'

'Up we go,
down we go.'

'Up, down, up, down.

Up, down, up, down.'

'Up, down, up, down.'

'Ah that's enough now, relax.'

[song on radio]

The radio. The fish must have
swallowed the radio.

[indistinct radio commentary]

Come on, Roger.
Get ahead.

[song on radio]

The radio. I gotta tell 'em
I caught the radio.

I caught the radio.
Look, I caught the radio.

[music plays]
Well, I'll be darned.

The fish must've
swallowed the radio.

If this fish
swallowed the radio

maybe an other one
swallowed the transmitter.

Gilligan, the chances of that
are absolutely zero.

But Professor,
what've we got to lose?

Gilligan, go get
the rest of those fish.

- Aye aye, sir.
- Gilligan!

Now ladies, I want
you to pick up a fish

and start
squeezing them.

Maybe we can find
the fish with the transmitter.

Yeah, wait a minute.
Skipper, I just tuned the radio

to the same wavelength
as the transmitter.

If you talk into the fish
and the transmitter's in there

we should hear it
on the radio.

Great idea, professor.

But don't just
stand there, Gilligan.

Say something
into the fish.

I've never talked
to a fish before.

- Say anything.
- Hello there fish.

- Louder.
- Hello there fish.

That's not it.
Try another one.

- Hello. Hello Kansas.
- Hello.

Hello, the S.S. Minnow.
Skipper of the S.S. Minnow

on an uncharted island..

Hello, uncle George. Having
a very nice time, uncle George.

I'll be back
in Kansas pretty soon.

Hello coastguard,
this is Ginger Grant.

I sing and I dance
and lots of things.

The owl and the pussycat
went to sea

in a beautiful
pea green boat.

[indistinct chattering]

I have never in my
entire life. I--

Don't just stand there,
Mr. Howell, talk into a fish.

- Talk into it?
- Talk into the fish.

Oh, heavens. Hello there.
This is Thurston Howell.

Yes, I want
long distance.

Alright, Gilligan,
you can watch.

But don't come any closer.
Stay right here.

Yes, sir.

Professor, I don't know how
those fish managed to swallow

the radio
and the transmitter.

But at least we got
a chance again. How's it coming?

Just give me a little time and
I think I'll have it working.

Maybe if you kept this
and kind of tried this--

Give me
that screwdriver.

Skipper, isn't there
anything I can do to help?

Yes, Gilligan, get some more
wood for the fire. Lots of wood.

How's the Professor doing
with the transmitter?

Almost got it fixed.

- Oh, that's great.
- That's wonderful.

Well, I must say that is
a lovely turn of events.

You think you could
reach my broker?

Oh, my agent in Hollywood?

Could you reach my mother?
She's in Winfield Kansas.

Oh, if you reach your mother
would you ask her to telephone

the Bigsby tailors
in Newport?

We're expected there
for dinner on Tuesday.

Please folks, I think the first
thing we should do is get in

touch with somebody
that has a boat.

[radio picks up signal]
Wait a minute.

I think it's working.
Here, Skipper, try it.

I'll take the radio.

CQ. Come in, CQ.
CQ, this is a mayday.

This is a mayday.
Calling CQ.

- CQ, calling CQ.
- Skipper, where can I--

Not now, Gilligan.

Stay where you are.
Don't come any closer.

(Skipper)
'CQ, calling CQ.'

But Skipper,
these logs are heavy.

- Calling CQ. CQ.
- I hear it! I hear it!

It means it works.
Quiet. Quiet. Quiet.

If anyone can hear me, this is
the Skipper of the S.S. Minnow.

- Where can I put 'em?
- Just drop 'em anywhere.

- This is the Skipper--
- Drop 'em?

Drop 'em!

[logs crash]

Wait a minute, Skipper.

I know what your gonna say
and you're right.

I've been nothing
but trouble to everybody.

I threw the radio
in the ocean..

...and I just crushed
the transmitter.

But I'll make it
up to you, honest.

How, Gilligan?

You don't have to pay me
for this weeks work.

- Still don't see a thing.
- Nothing there.

When we get back
I'm going to have

the entire navy
demoted for this.

Well perhaps, we can get some
information on the radio.

(man on radio)
'And here's another flash
about the exciting'

'rescue of the castaways.
The coast guard just picked'

'up all the passengers
and crew who were marooned'

'on the tropical island.'

Picked them up?

(man on radio)
'And they're bringing them
back to civilization.'

'According to earlier reports
they were believed'

'to be survivors from
the S.S. Minnow.'

Well, it wasn't
our island they sighted.

It was another island
with other castaways.

Oh, we're not going
to be saved.

(man on radio)
'So the happy group that was
marooned for 11 years..'

11 years?

(man on radio)
'...are safe and steaming
for home aboard.'

'the coastguard cutter.'

Coastguard cutter?

We thought it was going
to be the Navy at least.

Oh, I'm glad they
didn't find our island.

We're both
terribly overdressed.

Don't feel so bad.

The other group
was stranded for 11 years.

We'll get rescued in ten.

Nine. Eight.
Seven. Six. Five.

Four. Three.
Two. One.

Christmas Eve,
and we're still on this island.

Yes, I thought for sure
we'd be home by now.

I'm sorry.

Oh, Gilligan,
it's not your fault.

Merry, merry Christmas.
Oh, merry Christmas to you all.

Well, thank you, Santa.

Please tell us
what we have to be merry about?

Why, certainly, good, sir.

You might have been lost at sea
and never reached this island.

- He's right.
- That's right.

Or you might have hit an island
that had no food or water.

That's right too.

Or you might have all been,
enemies by now.

Instead of the family group
that you are, who all learned

to get along
with each other.

By George, this bearded
gentleman is right.

That's right, good, sir.

So remember
and be of good spirit.

Merry Christmas to all.

Ha-ha-ho-ho-ho.
Merry Christmas.

What's everybody
looking at?

What's everybody
looking at?

You'll never
believe it, Skipper.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, Gilligan.
Thank you. Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas, Skipper.
- Merry Christmas.

(Santa and elves together)
'Merry Christmas.'

'Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.'

¶ They're here for
a long long time ¶

¶ They'll have to
make the best of things ¶

¶ It's an uphill climb ¶

¶ The first mate
and his Skipper too ¶

¶ Will do their very best ¶

¶ To make the others comfortable
In their tropic island nest ¶

¶ No phone, no lights, no motor
car, not a single luxury ¶

¶ Like Robinson Crusoe
It's primitive as can be ¶

¶ So join us here
each week my friends ¶

¶ You're sure to get a smile ¶

¶ From seven stranded castaways
Here on Gilligan's Isle ¶¶