Gilligan's Island (1964–1992): Season 1, Episode 13 - Three Million Dollars More or Less - full transcript
Mr. Howell gets in over his head after loosing a series of escalating bets against Gilligan.
¶ Just sit right back ¶
¶ and you'll hear a tale ¶
¶ a tale of a fateful trip ¶
¶ that started
from this tropic port ¶
¶ aboard this tiny ship ¶
¶ the mate was
a mighty sailin' man ¶
¶ the skipper
brave and sure ¶
¶ 5 passengers
set sail that day ¶
¶ for a 3-hour tour ¶
¶ a 3-hour tour ¶
[thunder]
¶ The weather
started getting rough ¶
¶ the tiny ship was tossed ¶
¶ if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ¶
¶ the minnow
would be lost ¶
¶ the minnow
would be lost ¶
¶ the ship set ground
on the shore ¶
¶ of this uncharted
desert isle ¶
¶ with gilligan ¶
¶ the skipper, too ¶
¶ the millionaire ¶
¶ and his wife ¶
¶ a movie star ¶
¶ and the rest ¶
¶ are here
on gilligan's isle ¶
hi, skipper.
What are you doing,
gilligan?
Mr. howell's teaching me
how to play golf
and even gave me
this club to use.
And I gave you
this hammer to use.
I just took
a little time out to
practice my driving.
Well, if you'd like
to practice your driving,
gilligan
start on those nails!
I want that watch tower
finished by tonight.
Well, why the big rush?
Just because you
dreamed a ship is going
to go by the island?
Don't forget, gilligan,
this is the third
night in a row
I've had that dream.
Oh, come on, skipper, you
don't believe in dreams.
And what's more
this is the third day
of the week of
the third month.
With all those
3s coming up
are you gonna tell me
that I'm wrong?
No, sir, I'm not gonna
tell you you're wrong.
'Cause you're 3 times
bigger than I am.
Gilligan, get to work!
Now, really, gilligan,
when I have these dreams,
they always come true.
Well, not always,
skipper.
How about the time
you dreamed I was gonna
hit you in the jaw?
Well?
I wouldn't do
a thing like that.
That'd be mutiny.
Yeah.
Not only that,
it'd be suicide.
I forgot about that one.
Ha ha ha ha.
You see, skipper,
there's nothing to
all those dreams.
Here, watch
my practice swing
and tell me what
I'm doing wrong.
Hmm?
Alright, gilligan.
Head down,
left arm stiff
your eye on the ball.
[Thump]
Was that you, skipper?
Uh-huh.
Where'd I hit you?
Right in the jaw.
Just like you
dreamed, huh?
Yep, just like
i dreamed.
Well, I better
get back to work.
That ship could be
coming by any minute.
Oh, I never thought
I'd make that one.
What did I get
on the hole, dear?
Now, let me see.
3, 4...
You did much better
this time, darling.
You got a 34.
34? I finally
parred the hole.
Oh, I'm so happy for you.
Are you going to
play another round?
No, I think I'll
practice a little.
This oyster shell
putter just doesn't
feel right.
But of course it doesn't.
There's no "r" in the month.
I'll see you
back at the hut, dear.
Ha ha ha ha.
Hi, Mr. howell.
Look, gilligan,
never talk when
a man is putting.
I'm sorry, Mr. howell.
Yes, well, that's
perfectly alright.
It's alright.
I just wanted
to say hello.
Look, go stand
over there, will you?
Putting is the hardest
part of the game.
It requires
the utmost silence!
I won't say
another word.
Oh, gilligan.
I'm sorry, but i
don't see what's so
tough about it, though.
Oh, you don't see
what's so tough about it?
Well, then you just try it.
Just go ahead, try, try.
I'd better not.
The skipper told me--
I don't care
what the skipper says.
Go ahead. Putt.
So easy? Putt.
Well, that was, uh,
just beginner's luck.
Besides, I wasn't talking
while you were putting,
my boy.
Yes, you just try putting
while someone is saying
something stupid, like, uh
"hello, Mr. howell.
Sorry, Mr. howell.
Looks easy to me,
Mr. howell."
Has this thing
on his shoulder.
Stomp, stomp, stomp.
You just try putting
while I'm talking.
Go ahead, putt
while I'm talking.
Go ahead, putt, putt, putt.
I did.
Where's the ball?
In the hole.
In the hole.
Alright, well,
that's 2 lucky breaks.
That doesn't mean
a darn thing.
I tell you what
I'm going to do.
I'm going to bet
you anything you can't
do it again, alright?
All I got is a quarter,
Mr. howell.
Alright, that's good.
Yeah, when you're putting
with money, there's pressure.
There's pressure.
Yeah, trying putting
when you bet--
see you later,
Mr. howell.
I got to get this
over to the tower.
Oh, no, you don't.
Absolutely not.
You got to give me a chance
to get my money back.
But the skipper
told me--
I don't care what
the skipper told you!
Alright, now this one.
Double or nothing.
Ah, the pressure.
This one is for 50 cents.
Okay.
Now can I go,
Mr. howell?
I'll tell you
when to go.
Young man, I think
your luck is running out.
This one's for a dollar.
[Rattle]
$2.00's says I'm right.
Alright. Come on,
gilligan, and putt.
But I can't see
the hole.
Well, I can see it.
Double or nothing.
I ought to be going,
Mr. howell.
You're not going anywhere.
Nobody hustles me
on a golf course.
But you said we
could quit at 10:30.
Will you stop watching
the clock and putt?
[Rattle]
Oh...I'm sorry,
Mr. howell,
but I think
i did it again.
Cut out the chatter,
will ya, gilligan?
We'll be out here all night.
I'll light the hole.
Come on, putt.
Boy, I wonder what
the skipper's gonna say?
I'll tell ya
what he's gonna say!
Never mind, skipper.
I think I can guess.
Captain, will you please
get off the putting green?
Gilligan and i
have a little bet.
A bet? Gilligan,
what have I told you
about gambling?
I know, skipper.
But I only bet a quarter,
and I won.
You won.
Don't you realize
that's the worst thing
that could've happened
to you?
It is?
Well, certainly.
You'd have been
better off
if you had lost
the 25 cents.
Yes! I couldn't agree
with you more, captain.
Come on, gilligan, putt.
Just a moment, howell.
This boy doesn't know
what he's doing.
Gilligan, I know
exactly what's going on
in your mind.
You do?
Certainly.
You've gotten
a little ahead
and it looks like
a pretty easy way of
making some money.
Sure does.
Well, that's where
you're wrong.
How much do you think
you can win gambling?
$6 million
if I sink this putt.
You see?
A whole afternoon
wasted and for what?
What?
I already won $3 million.
We're playing
double or nothing.
Put that putter down,
gilligan.
The game is over.
Just a moment,
captain.
The game's over,
Mr. howell.
And, frankly,
I'm surprised.
I didn't realize
that you were that sort
of a man.
What sort of a man?
The sort of a man
who would take advantage
of this boy
just because he has
a lot of money.
I'd love to have seen
the look on howell's face
when you won
all that money
from him last night.
So would I,
but it was too dark.
Excuse me.
Watch the fire.
It's hot.
Thanks, gilligan.
Gilligan?
Huh?
Come over here.
Sit down
right next to me.
And me.
Oh, gee, gilligan.
I'm so proud of you.
You know
what I'm gonna do?
Fix you anything
you'd like for breakfast.
And I'm gonna fix you
anything you'd like
for lunch.
How come everybody's
being so nice to me?
Because you're
so sweet...
And tall...
And handsome.
I'll say.
Oh, there's lots
of reasons.
Yes. About
3 million of them.
Come on,
little buddy.
I think we'd better
have a little talk.
Okay, skipper.
Gilligan!
Did I do something
wrong, skipper?
Of course not.
Sit down.
Here, take my chair.
What did you want
to talk to me about,
skipper?
Gilligan, you never
had $3 million before,
have you?
Um...
No, sir, I haven't.
I didn't think so.
Let me tell you something.
You're gonna find
a big change in some
of the people around here.
What do you mean?
Well, take this morning,
for example.
Number one:
The professor
never offered
to build you
a fire before,
right?
Right.
Number 2: Mary Ann
never offered
to fix you
a special breakfast
before, right?
Right.
Number 3:
Ginger never offered
to fix you lunch before,
right?
Right. And what
about number 4?
4--number 4?
Yeah. I never sat in
your chair before,
right?
Right, uh...
Believe me, it won't be
the last time.
Little buddy, anytime
that you have a problem
I want you to come
in this hut,
sit in my chair
and tell your skipper
all about it.
Tell you all about what?
Anything that you're
worried about.
Skipper, I'm not
worried about anything.
Skipper:
But that's impossible.
Anyone with $3 million
has got to be worried
about something.
Gilligan:
Skipper, I don't
have it yet.
Mr. howell just
owes it to me.
I wouldn't worry
about that.
I'm gonna go out
right now and get you
a check for $3 million.
You don't have to go
to all that trouble.
It's no trouble.
That's what I'm here for...
Son.
Son?
Gilligan, that's the way
I've always felt about you.
You've been like
my own boy to me.
I have? Gosh,
i didn't know that,
skipper.
Skipper? Why don't you
just call me dad?
Okay, skipper.
I told you to call me dad,
and that's an order!
Yes, sir, dad.
That's better.
Now I'll go out
and find Mr. howell
and get you your money.
Oh, and, son,
i don't want you
to leave this hut.
But Mary Ann said
she's gonna fix me
breakfast.
Your father will fix you
breakfast when he gets back.
Ooh!
Watch the beam, dad.
Thanks a lot, son.
Ah, good morning,
gilligan.
Is the captain in?
No. He's out
looking for you.
I'm sorry I missed him.
I just stopped by
to pay my debt
to give you a check
for $3 million that I...
It's made out--
but first of all
you have to fill out
an income tax form.
Income tax form?
Yes. I didn't know what
your salary was.
I was afraid that $3 million
might kick you into
a higher income bracket.
You know what I mean?
It's looks tough
to fill out?
I'd be very glad
to help you.
Now, first of all,
you have to list
all your dependents.
Do you have a wife
or children?
No. But I got a father
about 5 minutes ago.
What is wrong with me?
This is the wrong paper.
This is the short form.
There's a longer form?
Yes. There's a much
longer form.
Of course we could
put your money in
your corporate structure.
I thought I'd just
put it in my wallet.
No. Oh!
No. No, with $3 million,
my boy, you have got to get
yourself a tax shelter.
What's the matter
with this place?
Gilligan, I don't believe
you know what this money
could do to you.
So far, it's gotten me
breakfast, lunch,
and the skipper's chair.
You're terribly naive
about financial matters.
You don't want this money.
I don't?
No. You'd be much
better off, instead
of the $3 million
if I gave you one
of my corporations.
Oh, I couldn't ask you
to do a thing like that.
Believe me, we millionaires
have to stick together.
Why didn't you tell me that
you were in such bad shape?
I'm not in bad shape.
I'm just a little tired.
You kept me up
pretty late last night.
Yes. Oh! Yes,
i happen to have it.
This is the corporation
for you.
"Tehachapuku oil
and mining corporation."
My boy, do you know
anything about oil?
No. But I worked in
a gas station once.
That's the American way:
From grease monkey to
president of an oil company.
Just goes to show you
what a man can do
if he has a little drive.
He can do pretty good
if he knows how to putt,
too.
Ah, yes.
Oh! Ow!
You oil men have such
a wonderful sense of humor.
Now if you'll--
that smarts--
you just sign
right here.
There you are.
Do you think I ought
to do this, Mr. howell?
Believe me, it's
the only solution.
At least the only one
i can come up with.
That's all there is
to it?
That's all.
Simple transfer--oh,
you can have the pen.
I can't find that--
oh, here you are.
Uh, yes,
i just stopped by
to settle my debt
with, uh, gilligan.
Fine, Mr. howell.
I hope you'll accept
my apology.
Apology?
Apology for what?
For all the things
i said about you while
i was looking for you.
Ha ha ha!
[Both laughing]
Well, I guess we better
put Mr. howell's check
in a safe place,
eh, gilligan?
Yes, I've already
done that.
It's right here
in my pocket.
Mr. howell's saving me
from getting stuck
with $3 million.
What?
Instead of
giving me money
he gave me
an oil company.
Why do you want
an oil company?
Mr. howell
can explain it
better than me.
Yes, howell.
Start explaining.
Well, you see, I settled
the debt by giving gilligan
one of my oil companies.
Yeah, I'm president
of the tehachapuku oil
and mining corporation.
Tehachapuku
oil and mining?
What is that?
Well, that's
200 acres of land
in, uh, dustbowl, Oklahoma.
Dustbowl?
I never heard of it.
What part of Oklahoma
is that in?
Well, sometimes it's north,
and sometimes it's south.
It depends on which way
the wind is blowing.
In other words, gilligan
here is the proud owner
of a worthless oil company.
What do you mean,
worthless?
I got $3 million
for it.
Hah!
I guess I didn't do
such a smart thing, huh?
I'm afraid not.
What's our next move?
Your next move
is to get out of my chair,
gilligan.
Okay, dad.
Skipper, gilligan.
Skipper.
Gilligan, hurry up
with that coffee.
Coming right up,
skipper.
Pass me those
mango preserves
will you,
lovey, my dear?
They're full of
vitamins, darling.
Thank you.
Really, Mr. howell,
i think you big businessmen
are terrible.
How can you eat a thing
after what you've done
to poor gilligan?
The lion always gorges
itself after the kill.
It's the nature
of the beast.
Well, I still say
it was a dirty trick.
Kid wakes up
this morning,
he's a millionaire.
Look at him now:
He's waiting on table.
Yes, you really
ought to be
ashamed of yourself,
Mr. howell.
Well, don't blame me.
I can't help it
if the kid
squandered his fortune
on bad investments.
Yes, but you're the one
that sold it to him.
I'm not known as the wizard
of wall street for nothing.
Nobody gets the better
of thurston
in a business deal.
When it comes
to making money
he seems to have
a green thumb.
Alright, Mr. howell,
you're such
a Wheeler-dealer
how come you bought
that phony oil property?
I didn't buy it.
It was a wedding gift
from lovey's father.
Oh, thurston, you know
how embarrassed
daddy was
when he found out what
dustbowl, Oklahoma,
really was.
He thought he'd given us
a football stadium.
Mr. howell:
After the wedding.
Ooh! Oh, I almost forgot.
It's time for the 10:00
wall street news.
Newsman: And industrials
are up 1.2 over
yesterday's close.
Now for the big news
on wall street today.
Thurston howell
has done it again!
Well, good for him.
Wait a minute,
that's me.
What have I done?
A huge oil strike
has been reported
in the howell holdings
in dustbowl, Oklahoma.
Reports from the scene
indicate this could be
the richest oil field
ever found in the state.
However, as black gold gushes
into the Oklahoma sky,
everyone is asking
the same question:
Where is the man who owns
the fabulous tehachapuku
oil and mining company?
[Click]
I'll tell you
where he is.
He's right here having
a nice breakfast
with his dad.
Move over and
make a little room
for my boy, howell!
Hello, son.
Hi, skipper.
Uh-uh-uh.
Oh, I mean,
hi, dad.
And what's my boy
doing there?
Well, it's sort of
a surprise.
What kind
of surprise?
Everybody's
been so nice to me
I thought I'd take
some of my money
and buy 'em a present.
That's very nice
of you, gilligan.
Well, the professor likes
to experiment with stuff
so I thought I'd get him
a science laboratory.
A science laboratory?
Yeah, I was gonna
buy him a tie
but I don't know
if wears one.
And I want to get
Mary Ann the biggest
farm in Kansas.
Hold it,
those are pretty
expensive gifts.
What good is money if
you can't do something
nice for your friends?
But you don't have to
spend a fortune doing it.
Real friends don't care.
It's not the gift that counts,
it's the thought.
By the way, had you
thought about what
you're going to get me?
Sure have. You get
the best present
of them all.
Oh, gilligan.
I don't want you to spend
a lot of money on me.
You don't?
No, sir.
Oh.
Oh, but of course,
if you've already gotten it,
I wouldn't want
to take it back.
What did you get me?
I can't tell.
It's kind of
a surprise.
Aw, come on,
gilligan.
No.
Not even
a little hint?
No.
Gilligan,
what did you get me?
A boat.
A boat!
A boat!
A boat.
You shouldn't have.
Well, I haven't yet.
But you're gonna.
You bet I am.
What kind of a boat
are you gonna get me?
I don't know, skipper.
How about one like
the old minnow?
What would I want
with an old tub like that?
You can have any kind
of boat you want.
And I'm gonna get you
lots of other presents,
too.
Gilligan, I don't
know what to say.
I better get out of
here before I start
bawling like a baby.
Are you alright,
skipper?
It's just that I'm
a little choked up.
I better go with you,
huh?
No, you stay right here
and finish that list.
And another thing,
gilligan--
I don't want those other
vultures coming in here
and taking advantage
of you.
So keep this door
locked.
We don't have a lock.
That's right.
Well, don't let anybody
in this hut, understand?
Yes, sir.
And that's an order.
Aye, aye, skipper.
Son.
I think
I'll buy Mary Ann
the whole state
of Kansas.
Anybody home,
gilligan?
"S.S. Minnow."
What's the matter?
New dress?
Like it? I made it
out of your duffel bag.
I hope you don't mind.
No. My duffel
never looked so good.
Skipper said
nobody could come in here
while he was gone.
Well, I just wanted
to talk to you.
Oh. Well,
let's go out there.
Okay.
I know how busy you are
with your oil Wells
and everything
but I just wanted
to tell you
how proud I am of you.
Oh, I'm not busy.
I think it's
absolutely thrilling
the way you outsmarted
Mr. howell.
It was?
Yes. I never dreamed
you were so clever.
Neither did I.
What did I do?
You're so modest, too.
Everyone knows
that that land
wasn't worth a cent
until you took it over.
You're a very remarkable
man, gilligan.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I think that
your life story
would make
a wonderful movie
for some studio.
What studio would make
a movie about me?
Any studio you owned.
And you know what?
What?
I'd just love
to star in it.
But you don't look
a thing like me.
No, silly.
We'd get rock Hudson
to play you.
I'd play your wife.
But I'm not even married.
Well, you would be
if you looked like
rock Hudson.
There you are, gilligan.
Please forgive me
for a moment,
will you, ginger?
I just want
to steal a little
of gilligan's time.
I know what
you want to steal, howell
and you're not going
to get away with it.
Well, I was merely
inviting gilligan
to dinner.
Oh, well, fine.
We'd be glad to come.
You'll be there,
too?
I think I'd better be.
Fine, fine.
Glad you can come.
I thought you were
standing watch duty
tonight.
Oh, I am, Mr. howell.
In fact, I'm going
to stand guard duty
until I can get gilligan
off this island.
It's so nice
that you could come.
We're delighted to have you.
I'll have dinner ready
in a few minutes.
I'm just finishing
the bananas.
Alright,
lovey, my dear.
Take all the time
that you want.
Oh, gilligan,
would you take
a chair, please?
And captain,
how's this chair
for a man of your,
rather, shall we say..
Are you both comfortable
in that chair?
No, but we're safe.
Say, that was some news
we heard this afternoon
on the radio, wasn't it?
It sure was.
Well, gilligan, my boy,
how does it feel
to be in the oil business?
Well--
how does it feel
to be out of the oil
business, Mr. howell?
I must say,
the joke is on me.
Mrs. howell and i
laughed all afternoon.
Ha ha ha ha. I'll bet.
How much?
Purely a figure
of speech.
Surely you're
a man of the world, captain.
You see nothing wrong
with, shall we say,
a game of chance?
It all depends on
what the game is.
What kind would you like?
Cards? Dice? Roulette?
Not interested, Mr. howell.
There's only one game
that I ever gamble on,
and that's pool.
Pool?
Now, were you
to have a pool table
I might be interested
in placing a bet with you.
Shall we...
Lag for break?
9 in that pocket,
10 over here
and the 11
the hard way in there.
Let's see. I'll do it
banking off...Off the...
Gilligan!
The 11 in the far pocket,
the 2 over there
the 3 up there
and the 7
in the pocket right here.
13 and 10 in this pocket,
the 2 in the side pocket
the 9 and 14 up here,
respectively
the 8 in that pocket,
the 11 in there
and the little 4 ball
down here
in what I call a difficult
but delightful shot.
Thurston,
when are you men
going to eat?
Just one more game,
Mrs. howell?
But your breakfast
is getting stone cold.
Rack 'em up again,
howell.
Why don't we settle up
before we start another game.
Settle up?
What for?
You owe me quite a lot.
I beg your pardon.
Do I look like
the type of man
who'd run out on
a $12 million bet?
As a matter of fact, you do.
However, if gilligan
will just sign this note.
What kind of note?
Well, it's just a note.
You just sign
right there at the bottom,
gilligan, my boy.
"I owe you
$12 million
payable on demand."
Just sign at the bottom.
Don't worry, gilligan.
I'll win it back for you
the first chance I get
to shoot.
I know you will,
skipper.
Keep the pen.
Rack 'em up again,
howell.
I think his luck
is just about to change.
It already has.
I want my 12 million now.
Now? He just signed
a note for you.
Well, the note says
payable on demand,
and I demand payment.
But I don't have
that much money.
Well, certainly
you have something
worth $12 million.
Watch, cuff links...
Oil company?
Oh, yeah. I forgot.
My oil company.
No, no, no.
It's my oil company.
Ha ha! Ha ha!
The wizard of wall street
strikes again!
Hello, skipper.
I hear you had dinner
with the howells last night.
Yes, a catered
Chuck wagon affair--
all you could eat
for $12 million.
All you could eat
for $12 million.
That's a pretty funny one,
isn't it, skipper?
Ha ha ha ha.
Sit down, gilligan.
Oh, goodness.
It's time for the 12:00
stock market report.
Oh!
Newsman: And rails
held steady at the close.
Of course, the street
is still talking about
the latest news
out of dustbowl, Oklahoma.
What news?
Newsman:
Further investigation
by the howell corporation
has revealed the true source
of the gusher.
Their drill had punctured
the tank of an oil truck
which had been buried
during one of the frequent
dust storms in that area.
Tehachapuku oil and mining
stock is worthless.
Meanwhile,
the search continues
for the owner
of this desolate wasteland.
Once again we ask,
where is thurston howell?
I'll tell you where he is.
He's right down there.
¶ Now this is the tale
of our castaways ¶
¶ they're here
for a long, long time ¶
¶ they'll have to make
the best of things ¶
¶ it's an uphill climb ¶
¶ the first mate
and his skipper, too ¶
¶ will do their very best ¶
¶ to make the others
comfortable ¶
¶ in their tropic
island nest ¶
¶ no phones, no lights ¶
¶ no motorcars ¶
¶ not a single luxury ¶
¶ like Robinson crusoe ¶
¶ it's primitive as can be ¶
¶ so join us here
each week, my friends ¶
¶ you're sure
to get a smile ¶
¶ for 7 stranded
castaways ¶
¶ here on
gilligan's isle ¶
¶ and you'll hear a tale ¶
¶ a tale of a fateful trip ¶
¶ that started
from this tropic port ¶
¶ aboard this tiny ship ¶
¶ the mate was
a mighty sailin' man ¶
¶ the skipper
brave and sure ¶
¶ 5 passengers
set sail that day ¶
¶ for a 3-hour tour ¶
¶ a 3-hour tour ¶
[thunder]
¶ The weather
started getting rough ¶
¶ the tiny ship was tossed ¶
¶ if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ¶
¶ the minnow
would be lost ¶
¶ the minnow
would be lost ¶
¶ the ship set ground
on the shore ¶
¶ of this uncharted
desert isle ¶
¶ with gilligan ¶
¶ the skipper, too ¶
¶ the millionaire ¶
¶ and his wife ¶
¶ a movie star ¶
¶ and the rest ¶
¶ are here
on gilligan's isle ¶
hi, skipper.
What are you doing,
gilligan?
Mr. howell's teaching me
how to play golf
and even gave me
this club to use.
And I gave you
this hammer to use.
I just took
a little time out to
practice my driving.
Well, if you'd like
to practice your driving,
gilligan
start on those nails!
I want that watch tower
finished by tonight.
Well, why the big rush?
Just because you
dreamed a ship is going
to go by the island?
Don't forget, gilligan,
this is the third
night in a row
I've had that dream.
Oh, come on, skipper, you
don't believe in dreams.
And what's more
this is the third day
of the week of
the third month.
With all those
3s coming up
are you gonna tell me
that I'm wrong?
No, sir, I'm not gonna
tell you you're wrong.
'Cause you're 3 times
bigger than I am.
Gilligan, get to work!
Now, really, gilligan,
when I have these dreams,
they always come true.
Well, not always,
skipper.
How about the time
you dreamed I was gonna
hit you in the jaw?
Well?
I wouldn't do
a thing like that.
That'd be mutiny.
Yeah.
Not only that,
it'd be suicide.
I forgot about that one.
Ha ha ha ha.
You see, skipper,
there's nothing to
all those dreams.
Here, watch
my practice swing
and tell me what
I'm doing wrong.
Hmm?
Alright, gilligan.
Head down,
left arm stiff
your eye on the ball.
[Thump]
Was that you, skipper?
Uh-huh.
Where'd I hit you?
Right in the jaw.
Just like you
dreamed, huh?
Yep, just like
i dreamed.
Well, I better
get back to work.
That ship could be
coming by any minute.
Oh, I never thought
I'd make that one.
What did I get
on the hole, dear?
Now, let me see.
3, 4...
You did much better
this time, darling.
You got a 34.
34? I finally
parred the hole.
Oh, I'm so happy for you.
Are you going to
play another round?
No, I think I'll
practice a little.
This oyster shell
putter just doesn't
feel right.
But of course it doesn't.
There's no "r" in the month.
I'll see you
back at the hut, dear.
Ha ha ha ha.
Hi, Mr. howell.
Look, gilligan,
never talk when
a man is putting.
I'm sorry, Mr. howell.
Yes, well, that's
perfectly alright.
It's alright.
I just wanted
to say hello.
Look, go stand
over there, will you?
Putting is the hardest
part of the game.
It requires
the utmost silence!
I won't say
another word.
Oh, gilligan.
I'm sorry, but i
don't see what's so
tough about it, though.
Oh, you don't see
what's so tough about it?
Well, then you just try it.
Just go ahead, try, try.
I'd better not.
The skipper told me--
I don't care
what the skipper says.
Go ahead. Putt.
So easy? Putt.
Well, that was, uh,
just beginner's luck.
Besides, I wasn't talking
while you were putting,
my boy.
Yes, you just try putting
while someone is saying
something stupid, like, uh
"hello, Mr. howell.
Sorry, Mr. howell.
Looks easy to me,
Mr. howell."
Has this thing
on his shoulder.
Stomp, stomp, stomp.
You just try putting
while I'm talking.
Go ahead, putt
while I'm talking.
Go ahead, putt, putt, putt.
I did.
Where's the ball?
In the hole.
In the hole.
Alright, well,
that's 2 lucky breaks.
That doesn't mean
a darn thing.
I tell you what
I'm going to do.
I'm going to bet
you anything you can't
do it again, alright?
All I got is a quarter,
Mr. howell.
Alright, that's good.
Yeah, when you're putting
with money, there's pressure.
There's pressure.
Yeah, trying putting
when you bet--
see you later,
Mr. howell.
I got to get this
over to the tower.
Oh, no, you don't.
Absolutely not.
You got to give me a chance
to get my money back.
But the skipper
told me--
I don't care what
the skipper told you!
Alright, now this one.
Double or nothing.
Ah, the pressure.
This one is for 50 cents.
Okay.
Now can I go,
Mr. howell?
I'll tell you
when to go.
Young man, I think
your luck is running out.
This one's for a dollar.
[Rattle]
$2.00's says I'm right.
Alright. Come on,
gilligan, and putt.
But I can't see
the hole.
Well, I can see it.
Double or nothing.
I ought to be going,
Mr. howell.
You're not going anywhere.
Nobody hustles me
on a golf course.
But you said we
could quit at 10:30.
Will you stop watching
the clock and putt?
[Rattle]
Oh...I'm sorry,
Mr. howell,
but I think
i did it again.
Cut out the chatter,
will ya, gilligan?
We'll be out here all night.
I'll light the hole.
Come on, putt.
Boy, I wonder what
the skipper's gonna say?
I'll tell ya
what he's gonna say!
Never mind, skipper.
I think I can guess.
Captain, will you please
get off the putting green?
Gilligan and i
have a little bet.
A bet? Gilligan,
what have I told you
about gambling?
I know, skipper.
But I only bet a quarter,
and I won.
You won.
Don't you realize
that's the worst thing
that could've happened
to you?
It is?
Well, certainly.
You'd have been
better off
if you had lost
the 25 cents.
Yes! I couldn't agree
with you more, captain.
Come on, gilligan, putt.
Just a moment, howell.
This boy doesn't know
what he's doing.
Gilligan, I know
exactly what's going on
in your mind.
You do?
Certainly.
You've gotten
a little ahead
and it looks like
a pretty easy way of
making some money.
Sure does.
Well, that's where
you're wrong.
How much do you think
you can win gambling?
$6 million
if I sink this putt.
You see?
A whole afternoon
wasted and for what?
What?
I already won $3 million.
We're playing
double or nothing.
Put that putter down,
gilligan.
The game is over.
Just a moment,
captain.
The game's over,
Mr. howell.
And, frankly,
I'm surprised.
I didn't realize
that you were that sort
of a man.
What sort of a man?
The sort of a man
who would take advantage
of this boy
just because he has
a lot of money.
I'd love to have seen
the look on howell's face
when you won
all that money
from him last night.
So would I,
but it was too dark.
Excuse me.
Watch the fire.
It's hot.
Thanks, gilligan.
Gilligan?
Huh?
Come over here.
Sit down
right next to me.
And me.
Oh, gee, gilligan.
I'm so proud of you.
You know
what I'm gonna do?
Fix you anything
you'd like for breakfast.
And I'm gonna fix you
anything you'd like
for lunch.
How come everybody's
being so nice to me?
Because you're
so sweet...
And tall...
And handsome.
I'll say.
Oh, there's lots
of reasons.
Yes. About
3 million of them.
Come on,
little buddy.
I think we'd better
have a little talk.
Okay, skipper.
Gilligan!
Did I do something
wrong, skipper?
Of course not.
Sit down.
Here, take my chair.
What did you want
to talk to me about,
skipper?
Gilligan, you never
had $3 million before,
have you?
Um...
No, sir, I haven't.
I didn't think so.
Let me tell you something.
You're gonna find
a big change in some
of the people around here.
What do you mean?
Well, take this morning,
for example.
Number one:
The professor
never offered
to build you
a fire before,
right?
Right.
Number 2: Mary Ann
never offered
to fix you
a special breakfast
before, right?
Right.
Number 3:
Ginger never offered
to fix you lunch before,
right?
Right. And what
about number 4?
4--number 4?
Yeah. I never sat in
your chair before,
right?
Right, uh...
Believe me, it won't be
the last time.
Little buddy, anytime
that you have a problem
I want you to come
in this hut,
sit in my chair
and tell your skipper
all about it.
Tell you all about what?
Anything that you're
worried about.
Skipper, I'm not
worried about anything.
Skipper:
But that's impossible.
Anyone with $3 million
has got to be worried
about something.
Gilligan:
Skipper, I don't
have it yet.
Mr. howell just
owes it to me.
I wouldn't worry
about that.
I'm gonna go out
right now and get you
a check for $3 million.
You don't have to go
to all that trouble.
It's no trouble.
That's what I'm here for...
Son.
Son?
Gilligan, that's the way
I've always felt about you.
You've been like
my own boy to me.
I have? Gosh,
i didn't know that,
skipper.
Skipper? Why don't you
just call me dad?
Okay, skipper.
I told you to call me dad,
and that's an order!
Yes, sir, dad.
That's better.
Now I'll go out
and find Mr. howell
and get you your money.
Oh, and, son,
i don't want you
to leave this hut.
But Mary Ann said
she's gonna fix me
breakfast.
Your father will fix you
breakfast when he gets back.
Ooh!
Watch the beam, dad.
Thanks a lot, son.
Ah, good morning,
gilligan.
Is the captain in?
No. He's out
looking for you.
I'm sorry I missed him.
I just stopped by
to pay my debt
to give you a check
for $3 million that I...
It's made out--
but first of all
you have to fill out
an income tax form.
Income tax form?
Yes. I didn't know what
your salary was.
I was afraid that $3 million
might kick you into
a higher income bracket.
You know what I mean?
It's looks tough
to fill out?
I'd be very glad
to help you.
Now, first of all,
you have to list
all your dependents.
Do you have a wife
or children?
No. But I got a father
about 5 minutes ago.
What is wrong with me?
This is the wrong paper.
This is the short form.
There's a longer form?
Yes. There's a much
longer form.
Of course we could
put your money in
your corporate structure.
I thought I'd just
put it in my wallet.
No. Oh!
No. No, with $3 million,
my boy, you have got to get
yourself a tax shelter.
What's the matter
with this place?
Gilligan, I don't believe
you know what this money
could do to you.
So far, it's gotten me
breakfast, lunch,
and the skipper's chair.
You're terribly naive
about financial matters.
You don't want this money.
I don't?
No. You'd be much
better off, instead
of the $3 million
if I gave you one
of my corporations.
Oh, I couldn't ask you
to do a thing like that.
Believe me, we millionaires
have to stick together.
Why didn't you tell me that
you were in such bad shape?
I'm not in bad shape.
I'm just a little tired.
You kept me up
pretty late last night.
Yes. Oh! Yes,
i happen to have it.
This is the corporation
for you.
"Tehachapuku oil
and mining corporation."
My boy, do you know
anything about oil?
No. But I worked in
a gas station once.
That's the American way:
From grease monkey to
president of an oil company.
Just goes to show you
what a man can do
if he has a little drive.
He can do pretty good
if he knows how to putt,
too.
Ah, yes.
Oh! Ow!
You oil men have such
a wonderful sense of humor.
Now if you'll--
that smarts--
you just sign
right here.
There you are.
Do you think I ought
to do this, Mr. howell?
Believe me, it's
the only solution.
At least the only one
i can come up with.
That's all there is
to it?
That's all.
Simple transfer--oh,
you can have the pen.
I can't find that--
oh, here you are.
Uh, yes,
i just stopped by
to settle my debt
with, uh, gilligan.
Fine, Mr. howell.
I hope you'll accept
my apology.
Apology?
Apology for what?
For all the things
i said about you while
i was looking for you.
Ha ha ha!
[Both laughing]
Well, I guess we better
put Mr. howell's check
in a safe place,
eh, gilligan?
Yes, I've already
done that.
It's right here
in my pocket.
Mr. howell's saving me
from getting stuck
with $3 million.
What?
Instead of
giving me money
he gave me
an oil company.
Why do you want
an oil company?
Mr. howell
can explain it
better than me.
Yes, howell.
Start explaining.
Well, you see, I settled
the debt by giving gilligan
one of my oil companies.
Yeah, I'm president
of the tehachapuku oil
and mining corporation.
Tehachapuku
oil and mining?
What is that?
Well, that's
200 acres of land
in, uh, dustbowl, Oklahoma.
Dustbowl?
I never heard of it.
What part of Oklahoma
is that in?
Well, sometimes it's north,
and sometimes it's south.
It depends on which way
the wind is blowing.
In other words, gilligan
here is the proud owner
of a worthless oil company.
What do you mean,
worthless?
I got $3 million
for it.
Hah!
I guess I didn't do
such a smart thing, huh?
I'm afraid not.
What's our next move?
Your next move
is to get out of my chair,
gilligan.
Okay, dad.
Skipper, gilligan.
Skipper.
Gilligan, hurry up
with that coffee.
Coming right up,
skipper.
Pass me those
mango preserves
will you,
lovey, my dear?
They're full of
vitamins, darling.
Thank you.
Really, Mr. howell,
i think you big businessmen
are terrible.
How can you eat a thing
after what you've done
to poor gilligan?
The lion always gorges
itself after the kill.
It's the nature
of the beast.
Well, I still say
it was a dirty trick.
Kid wakes up
this morning,
he's a millionaire.
Look at him now:
He's waiting on table.
Yes, you really
ought to be
ashamed of yourself,
Mr. howell.
Well, don't blame me.
I can't help it
if the kid
squandered his fortune
on bad investments.
Yes, but you're the one
that sold it to him.
I'm not known as the wizard
of wall street for nothing.
Nobody gets the better
of thurston
in a business deal.
When it comes
to making money
he seems to have
a green thumb.
Alright, Mr. howell,
you're such
a Wheeler-dealer
how come you bought
that phony oil property?
I didn't buy it.
It was a wedding gift
from lovey's father.
Oh, thurston, you know
how embarrassed
daddy was
when he found out what
dustbowl, Oklahoma,
really was.
He thought he'd given us
a football stadium.
Mr. howell:
After the wedding.
Ooh! Oh, I almost forgot.
It's time for the 10:00
wall street news.
Newsman: And industrials
are up 1.2 over
yesterday's close.
Now for the big news
on wall street today.
Thurston howell
has done it again!
Well, good for him.
Wait a minute,
that's me.
What have I done?
A huge oil strike
has been reported
in the howell holdings
in dustbowl, Oklahoma.
Reports from the scene
indicate this could be
the richest oil field
ever found in the state.
However, as black gold gushes
into the Oklahoma sky,
everyone is asking
the same question:
Where is the man who owns
the fabulous tehachapuku
oil and mining company?
[Click]
I'll tell you
where he is.
He's right here having
a nice breakfast
with his dad.
Move over and
make a little room
for my boy, howell!
Hello, son.
Hi, skipper.
Uh-uh-uh.
Oh, I mean,
hi, dad.
And what's my boy
doing there?
Well, it's sort of
a surprise.
What kind
of surprise?
Everybody's
been so nice to me
I thought I'd take
some of my money
and buy 'em a present.
That's very nice
of you, gilligan.
Well, the professor likes
to experiment with stuff
so I thought I'd get him
a science laboratory.
A science laboratory?
Yeah, I was gonna
buy him a tie
but I don't know
if wears one.
And I want to get
Mary Ann the biggest
farm in Kansas.
Hold it,
those are pretty
expensive gifts.
What good is money if
you can't do something
nice for your friends?
But you don't have to
spend a fortune doing it.
Real friends don't care.
It's not the gift that counts,
it's the thought.
By the way, had you
thought about what
you're going to get me?
Sure have. You get
the best present
of them all.
Oh, gilligan.
I don't want you to spend
a lot of money on me.
You don't?
No, sir.
Oh.
Oh, but of course,
if you've already gotten it,
I wouldn't want
to take it back.
What did you get me?
I can't tell.
It's kind of
a surprise.
Aw, come on,
gilligan.
No.
Not even
a little hint?
No.
Gilligan,
what did you get me?
A boat.
A boat!
A boat!
A boat.
You shouldn't have.
Well, I haven't yet.
But you're gonna.
You bet I am.
What kind of a boat
are you gonna get me?
I don't know, skipper.
How about one like
the old minnow?
What would I want
with an old tub like that?
You can have any kind
of boat you want.
And I'm gonna get you
lots of other presents,
too.
Gilligan, I don't
know what to say.
I better get out of
here before I start
bawling like a baby.
Are you alright,
skipper?
It's just that I'm
a little choked up.
I better go with you,
huh?
No, you stay right here
and finish that list.
And another thing,
gilligan--
I don't want those other
vultures coming in here
and taking advantage
of you.
So keep this door
locked.
We don't have a lock.
That's right.
Well, don't let anybody
in this hut, understand?
Yes, sir.
And that's an order.
Aye, aye, skipper.
Son.
I think
I'll buy Mary Ann
the whole state
of Kansas.
Anybody home,
gilligan?
"S.S. Minnow."
What's the matter?
New dress?
Like it? I made it
out of your duffel bag.
I hope you don't mind.
No. My duffel
never looked so good.
Skipper said
nobody could come in here
while he was gone.
Well, I just wanted
to talk to you.
Oh. Well,
let's go out there.
Okay.
I know how busy you are
with your oil Wells
and everything
but I just wanted
to tell you
how proud I am of you.
Oh, I'm not busy.
I think it's
absolutely thrilling
the way you outsmarted
Mr. howell.
It was?
Yes. I never dreamed
you were so clever.
Neither did I.
What did I do?
You're so modest, too.
Everyone knows
that that land
wasn't worth a cent
until you took it over.
You're a very remarkable
man, gilligan.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I think that
your life story
would make
a wonderful movie
for some studio.
What studio would make
a movie about me?
Any studio you owned.
And you know what?
What?
I'd just love
to star in it.
But you don't look
a thing like me.
No, silly.
We'd get rock Hudson
to play you.
I'd play your wife.
But I'm not even married.
Well, you would be
if you looked like
rock Hudson.
There you are, gilligan.
Please forgive me
for a moment,
will you, ginger?
I just want
to steal a little
of gilligan's time.
I know what
you want to steal, howell
and you're not going
to get away with it.
Well, I was merely
inviting gilligan
to dinner.
Oh, well, fine.
We'd be glad to come.
You'll be there,
too?
I think I'd better be.
Fine, fine.
Glad you can come.
I thought you were
standing watch duty
tonight.
Oh, I am, Mr. howell.
In fact, I'm going
to stand guard duty
until I can get gilligan
off this island.
It's so nice
that you could come.
We're delighted to have you.
I'll have dinner ready
in a few minutes.
I'm just finishing
the bananas.
Alright,
lovey, my dear.
Take all the time
that you want.
Oh, gilligan,
would you take
a chair, please?
And captain,
how's this chair
for a man of your,
rather, shall we say..
Are you both comfortable
in that chair?
No, but we're safe.
Say, that was some news
we heard this afternoon
on the radio, wasn't it?
It sure was.
Well, gilligan, my boy,
how does it feel
to be in the oil business?
Well--
how does it feel
to be out of the oil
business, Mr. howell?
I must say,
the joke is on me.
Mrs. howell and i
laughed all afternoon.
Ha ha ha ha. I'll bet.
How much?
Purely a figure
of speech.
Surely you're
a man of the world, captain.
You see nothing wrong
with, shall we say,
a game of chance?
It all depends on
what the game is.
What kind would you like?
Cards? Dice? Roulette?
Not interested, Mr. howell.
There's only one game
that I ever gamble on,
and that's pool.
Pool?
Now, were you
to have a pool table
I might be interested
in placing a bet with you.
Shall we...
Lag for break?
9 in that pocket,
10 over here
and the 11
the hard way in there.
Let's see. I'll do it
banking off...Off the...
Gilligan!
The 11 in the far pocket,
the 2 over there
the 3 up there
and the 7
in the pocket right here.
13 and 10 in this pocket,
the 2 in the side pocket
the 9 and 14 up here,
respectively
the 8 in that pocket,
the 11 in there
and the little 4 ball
down here
in what I call a difficult
but delightful shot.
Thurston,
when are you men
going to eat?
Just one more game,
Mrs. howell?
But your breakfast
is getting stone cold.
Rack 'em up again,
howell.
Why don't we settle up
before we start another game.
Settle up?
What for?
You owe me quite a lot.
I beg your pardon.
Do I look like
the type of man
who'd run out on
a $12 million bet?
As a matter of fact, you do.
However, if gilligan
will just sign this note.
What kind of note?
Well, it's just a note.
You just sign
right there at the bottom,
gilligan, my boy.
"I owe you
$12 million
payable on demand."
Just sign at the bottom.
Don't worry, gilligan.
I'll win it back for you
the first chance I get
to shoot.
I know you will,
skipper.
Keep the pen.
Rack 'em up again,
howell.
I think his luck
is just about to change.
It already has.
I want my 12 million now.
Now? He just signed
a note for you.
Well, the note says
payable on demand,
and I demand payment.
But I don't have
that much money.
Well, certainly
you have something
worth $12 million.
Watch, cuff links...
Oil company?
Oh, yeah. I forgot.
My oil company.
No, no, no.
It's my oil company.
Ha ha! Ha ha!
The wizard of wall street
strikes again!
Hello, skipper.
I hear you had dinner
with the howells last night.
Yes, a catered
Chuck wagon affair--
all you could eat
for $12 million.
All you could eat
for $12 million.
That's a pretty funny one,
isn't it, skipper?
Ha ha ha ha.
Sit down, gilligan.
Oh, goodness.
It's time for the 12:00
stock market report.
Oh!
Newsman: And rails
held steady at the close.
Of course, the street
is still talking about
the latest news
out of dustbowl, Oklahoma.
What news?
Newsman:
Further investigation
by the howell corporation
has revealed the true source
of the gusher.
Their drill had punctured
the tank of an oil truck
which had been buried
during one of the frequent
dust storms in that area.
Tehachapuku oil and mining
stock is worthless.
Meanwhile,
the search continues
for the owner
of this desolate wasteland.
Once again we ask,
where is thurston howell?
I'll tell you where he is.
He's right down there.
¶ Now this is the tale
of our castaways ¶
¶ they're here
for a long, long time ¶
¶ they'll have to make
the best of things ¶
¶ it's an uphill climb ¶
¶ the first mate
and his skipper, too ¶
¶ will do their very best ¶
¶ to make the others
comfortable ¶
¶ in their tropic
island nest ¶
¶ no phones, no lights ¶
¶ no motorcars ¶
¶ not a single luxury ¶
¶ like Robinson crusoe ¶
¶ it's primitive as can be ¶
¶ so join us here
each week, my friends ¶
¶ you're sure
to get a smile ¶
¶ for 7 stranded
castaways ¶
¶ here on
gilligan's isle ¶