Ghost Ghirls (2013): Season 1, Episode 6 - I Believe in Mira-ghouls - full transcript
I'm heading home
for the night.
Oh, good night, Sam.
Oh, hey, can you
keep the lights on?
It's almost tax season.
I got to get these
H-58 forms completed.
- You bet.
- All right.
Thank you, buddy.
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
Damn it, Sam.
I said to leave the lights on.
Hello?
Someone in here?
Hello?
Hello?
Ahh!
What is it?
[SCREAMING]
So, most of the hauntings
occur after hours.
We close at 6:00.
But employees like to stick
around and finish up work,
you know.
Oh, god, why would
anyone want to stay
here longer than they had to?
Actually, I work pretty hard
to keep a fun vibe around here.
For instance, we have a
contest every quarter.
Whoever files the
most tax returns--
$20 gift certificate to Quiznos.
For a long time, I thought
it was pronounced Kees-nose--
like, uh, Mexican.
But turns out it's not Mexican.
Quiz-nose is how they say it.
Everyone in here looks like
my uncle who killed himself.
But they'll do it with
a smile on their face.
Right, Scott?
We have a good time, right?
That one has a good time.
Tina?
Terry.
I always think it's Tina
because of Tina Turner.
So do you have any idea
who's haunting the office?
Have any of your
employees died recently?
Well, Calvin died of a
heart attack about a year ago.
Scarlett died of a heart
attack a few months ago.
And then Terrell died
of a heart attack right
around Thanksgiving.
Janice?
What's our office
policy on music?
It's, uh, not allowed.
Not allowed.
That's right.
I thought maybe we changed it.
Janice is new here.
I'm joking.
I'm just being a dick.
Definitely getting
some activity.
Excuse me, miss.
Set up some cameras.
See that?
See all those red dots?
That's-- that's not good.
Look at me, just
for my records.
And one, two, three, smile.
Oh, hold on, hold on.
Want to put your
faces together
so they're almost touching?
With your finger on
your cheek like this?
OK, just take it, honey.
OK.
I'm making a scrapbook.
I'm going to tell
your fortune with this.
You're going to
have eight children.
You're going to marry an ace.
Hey, Sammy Stallion.
I like to see you breaking
out that [INAUDIBLE]
Keep it rolling, baby!
Hey, Cherise, we gotta
get a picture later.
Hey, somebody get this beautiful
specimen a blue iguana, huh?
On the house, you sexy bitch!
[LAUGHTER]
Well, well, well.
Welcome to Club Velveteen.
Nice to meet you.
My name's Rabbit.
I got that name because
my moves are so quick.
I'll be cooking you breakfast
before you come to your senses.
So rude of me.
I'm sorry.
What can I get you?
Oh, uh, gosh, I'll have a
virgin pina colada, please.
Angelica, don't be a prude.
I'll take two
virgin pina coladas.
You girls are wild.
I'm loving you two.
No, but seriously,
what can I get you?
Blow, snow, birdie powder,
scag, junk, bennies,
[INAUDIBLE], lip poppers, crank,
dexies, rippers, roses, chalk.
You know, that just
came in from Peru.
It's primo stuff.
What are you talking about?
Wait.
Who are you?
What is this place?
This isn't Club Velveteen.
What is this?
Where did you take me?
Why aren't you partying?
Don't look at me!
Party, you bitches!
Party!
Oh my god.
He called us bitches.
Yeah, and what is he doing?
What is he talking about?
I mean, he's obviously from
another era, like the 70s.
I think it's like the 20s.
No, trust me, honey.
It's the 70s.
We need to find someone
who can help us decode
what the heck he's saying.
Well, I don't know
anybody that old.
That's true.
All your friends are preteens.
No.
Some of them are--
uh, no-- I guess
you're about right.
S. Madame Joy is seeing an s.
A w?
A w?
No w.
So you're saying
that you don't know
anyone with any of those
letters in their names?
Not anyone?
Seriously?
[KNOCKING]
- Mom?
My little angel.
Hi.
And you are?
I'm Angelica.
I've known you since I was four.
Oh.
Mom.
We need your help.
- Why, did you kill someone?
- What?
No, we didn't kill anyone.
We're just--we're
dealing with a ghost who
lived a really long time ago.
Yeah, we think it's,
like, the disco era.
Disco.
Hm.
You know what?
I can't help you girls.
I'm in the middle of a
phone session right now.
Sorry.
OK, let's just go, Angelica.
Hopefully Rabbit won't have
caused too much trouble.
Did you say Rabbit?
Club Velveteen was
like Studio 54,
only without all
the contraceptives.
That's me, if you
can believe it.
And that's Rabbit.
Oh, and that's Sammy Stallion.
Sammy Stallion.
But Rabbit just kept on
partying until the day he
died on the dance floor.
And that was the end
of Club Velveteen.
And the next thing you knew,
they tore the building down
and put up that tax building.
But what's his
unfinished business?
It sounds like he
doesn't want to stop
partying and cross over.
He's having too good of a time.
- Oh.
Well, then, what do we do?
I remember this one time
I took a trip to Miami
with a couple of girlfriends.
Sorry, you weren't invited.
It's OK.
I drink like 18
chocolate cake shots.
And then I threw up
for like eight hours.
And now every time I eat
or smell chocolate cake,
I throw up.
That's why I haven't had a
birthday party in five years.
So we just need
to party him out.
Yeah.
But we can't do that
without some serious help.
Say no more.
Say no more.
All right, have a good
weekend, everyone, OK?
See you guys.
Bye.
OK, go!
All right, guys.
It's Mission Club
Velveteen Best Party Ever.
We got to get this ghost all the
way over to heaven, all right?
Marijuana, or hot, as it's
referred to on the streets.
And then for sweet tooth,
just a Boston Baked Bean.
Boston Baked Beans.
That's right.
And those are delicious.
They're candy-coated peanuts.
Now let's get
this party started.
Where's the music?
Come on!
We need music.
You look good, Mom.
Woo!
Woo!
OK, everyone.
Just have fun.
OK. he's coming.
[RUMBLING]
Keep dancing!
My babies!
What the fuck is this?
What is this, a
goddamned petting zoo?
Huh?
I have a strict door
policy in this club.
What are all these farm
animals doing in here?
- [INAUDIBLE] Rabbit!
- Ugly!
Ugly!
Ugly!
Rabbit!
Rabbit, just chill out, man!
Like, we're-- this
is a fun party.
Oh-- oh, you're going
to tell me what fun is?
Well, let me tell you
something, sweeties, OK?
I am the [BLEEP]
inventor of fun.
You understand?
I'm the-- Joy.
Mom, Mom.
Rabbit recognizes you.
Oh, Rabbit.
I've missed you.
Now it's a party.
[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]
Yeah!
Woo!
Holy Guacamole!
It's Sammy Stallion.
[LAUGHING]
Yes!
Woo!
Come on, people!
Let's dance!
My babies!
[INAUDIBLE] What
are you doing?
What?
Turn the music off!
Why is he naked?
[INAUDIBLE] These are my forms!
[INAUDIBLE] Oh, to hell with it!
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
for the night.
Oh, good night, Sam.
Oh, hey, can you
keep the lights on?
It's almost tax season.
I got to get these
H-58 forms completed.
- You bet.
- All right.
Thank you, buddy.
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
Damn it, Sam.
I said to leave the lights on.
Hello?
Someone in here?
Hello?
Hello?
Ahh!
What is it?
[SCREAMING]
So, most of the hauntings
occur after hours.
We close at 6:00.
But employees like to stick
around and finish up work,
you know.
Oh, god, why would
anyone want to stay
here longer than they had to?
Actually, I work pretty hard
to keep a fun vibe around here.
For instance, we have a
contest every quarter.
Whoever files the
most tax returns--
$20 gift certificate to Quiznos.
For a long time, I thought
it was pronounced Kees-nose--
like, uh, Mexican.
But turns out it's not Mexican.
Quiz-nose is how they say it.
Everyone in here looks like
my uncle who killed himself.
But they'll do it with
a smile on their face.
Right, Scott?
We have a good time, right?
That one has a good time.
Tina?
Terry.
I always think it's Tina
because of Tina Turner.
So do you have any idea
who's haunting the office?
Have any of your
employees died recently?
Well, Calvin died of a
heart attack about a year ago.
Scarlett died of a heart
attack a few months ago.
And then Terrell died
of a heart attack right
around Thanksgiving.
Janice?
What's our office
policy on music?
It's, uh, not allowed.
Not allowed.
That's right.
I thought maybe we changed it.
Janice is new here.
I'm joking.
I'm just being a dick.
Definitely getting
some activity.
Excuse me, miss.
Set up some cameras.
See that?
See all those red dots?
That's-- that's not good.
Look at me, just
for my records.
And one, two, three, smile.
Oh, hold on, hold on.
Want to put your
faces together
so they're almost touching?
With your finger on
your cheek like this?
OK, just take it, honey.
OK.
I'm making a scrapbook.
I'm going to tell
your fortune with this.
You're going to
have eight children.
You're going to marry an ace.
Hey, Sammy Stallion.
I like to see you breaking
out that [INAUDIBLE]
Keep it rolling, baby!
Hey, Cherise, we gotta
get a picture later.
Hey, somebody get this beautiful
specimen a blue iguana, huh?
On the house, you sexy bitch!
[LAUGHTER]
Well, well, well.
Welcome to Club Velveteen.
Nice to meet you.
My name's Rabbit.
I got that name because
my moves are so quick.
I'll be cooking you breakfast
before you come to your senses.
So rude of me.
I'm sorry.
What can I get you?
Oh, uh, gosh, I'll have a
virgin pina colada, please.
Angelica, don't be a prude.
I'll take two
virgin pina coladas.
You girls are wild.
I'm loving you two.
No, but seriously,
what can I get you?
Blow, snow, birdie powder,
scag, junk, bennies,
[INAUDIBLE], lip poppers, crank,
dexies, rippers, roses, chalk.
You know, that just
came in from Peru.
It's primo stuff.
What are you talking about?
Wait.
Who are you?
What is this place?
This isn't Club Velveteen.
What is this?
Where did you take me?
Why aren't you partying?
Don't look at me!
Party, you bitches!
Party!
Oh my god.
He called us bitches.
Yeah, and what is he doing?
What is he talking about?
I mean, he's obviously from
another era, like the 70s.
I think it's like the 20s.
No, trust me, honey.
It's the 70s.
We need to find someone
who can help us decode
what the heck he's saying.
Well, I don't know
anybody that old.
That's true.
All your friends are preteens.
No.
Some of them are--
uh, no-- I guess
you're about right.
S. Madame Joy is seeing an s.
A w?
A w?
No w.
So you're saying
that you don't know
anyone with any of those
letters in their names?
Not anyone?
Seriously?
[KNOCKING]
- Mom?
My little angel.
Hi.
And you are?
I'm Angelica.
I've known you since I was four.
Oh.
Mom.
We need your help.
- Why, did you kill someone?
- What?
No, we didn't kill anyone.
We're just--we're
dealing with a ghost who
lived a really long time ago.
Yeah, we think it's,
like, the disco era.
Disco.
Hm.
You know what?
I can't help you girls.
I'm in the middle of a
phone session right now.
Sorry.
OK, let's just go, Angelica.
Hopefully Rabbit won't have
caused too much trouble.
Did you say Rabbit?
Club Velveteen was
like Studio 54,
only without all
the contraceptives.
That's me, if you
can believe it.
And that's Rabbit.
Oh, and that's Sammy Stallion.
Sammy Stallion.
But Rabbit just kept on
partying until the day he
died on the dance floor.
And that was the end
of Club Velveteen.
And the next thing you knew,
they tore the building down
and put up that tax building.
But what's his
unfinished business?
It sounds like he
doesn't want to stop
partying and cross over.
He's having too good of a time.
- Oh.
Well, then, what do we do?
I remember this one time
I took a trip to Miami
with a couple of girlfriends.
Sorry, you weren't invited.
It's OK.
I drink like 18
chocolate cake shots.
And then I threw up
for like eight hours.
And now every time I eat
or smell chocolate cake,
I throw up.
That's why I haven't had a
birthday party in five years.
So we just need
to party him out.
Yeah.
But we can't do that
without some serious help.
Say no more.
Say no more.
All right, have a good
weekend, everyone, OK?
See you guys.
Bye.
OK, go!
All right, guys.
It's Mission Club
Velveteen Best Party Ever.
We got to get this ghost all the
way over to heaven, all right?
Marijuana, or hot, as it's
referred to on the streets.
And then for sweet tooth,
just a Boston Baked Bean.
Boston Baked Beans.
That's right.
And those are delicious.
They're candy-coated peanuts.
Now let's get
this party started.
Where's the music?
Come on!
We need music.
You look good, Mom.
Woo!
Woo!
OK, everyone.
Just have fun.
OK. he's coming.
[RUMBLING]
Keep dancing!
My babies!
What the fuck is this?
What is this, a
goddamned petting zoo?
Huh?
I have a strict door
policy in this club.
What are all these farm
animals doing in here?
- [INAUDIBLE] Rabbit!
- Ugly!
Ugly!
Ugly!
Rabbit!
Rabbit, just chill out, man!
Like, we're-- this
is a fun party.
Oh-- oh, you're going
to tell me what fun is?
Well, let me tell you
something, sweeties, OK?
I am the [BLEEP]
inventor of fun.
You understand?
I'm the-- Joy.
Mom, Mom.
Rabbit recognizes you.
Oh, Rabbit.
I've missed you.
Now it's a party.
[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]
Yeah!
Woo!
Holy Guacamole!
It's Sammy Stallion.
[LAUGHING]
Yes!
Woo!
Come on, people!
Let's dance!
My babies!
[INAUDIBLE] What
are you doing?
What?
Turn the music off!
Why is he naked?
[INAUDIBLE] These are my forms!
[INAUDIBLE] Oh, to hell with it!
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.