Future Man (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 13 - Episode #1.13 - full transcript
Previously on Future Man...
That's the Kronitorium,
where the super cure
was engineered.
Your boss sounds like
a real interesting fellow.
Kronish, nobody's
seen him in years,
but he's giving some
sort of big announcement.
My name is Joosh.
You got a court order declaring
us mentally incompetent
and putting us in this place.
We need to kill Kronish,
destroy his research,
and blow up the Kronitorium
but this mission calls
for a much bigger kill team.
If there's two of me,
that means there's two of you.
Guys, you can have
the entire team back.
Resistance forever!
Mongoose, Butterfly,
Owl before he got
that brain worm thing.
All I have to do
is beat the game again.
We need to back up,
there are about to be
45 bloodthirsty warriors
up in this piece.
Bomb, bomb, bomb, get it off me!
‐Get it off me!
‐Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb!
‐Don't move!
‐...just chop my arm off!
Stop moving,
if you breathe wrong,
this blows.
Fuck me.
Clear.
Fuckin' skull cunts
tagged me just as I jumped.
Dingo, what happened?
Where's the rest of the team?
Dead!
Just like you,
I just watched you die.
Guys, is anybody else
noticing the hooded slave?
That's no slave.
‐Wolf. ‐Owl!
Much obliged.
Thank you.
‐Tiger. ‐Owl!
My good friend.
How are you alive?
Dingo plucked me
from a Biotic necro chamber.
I've been tortured,
in and out of consciousness
for about three weeks.
So, that means you must be...
AvoidTheTunnel.
Welcome to our time.
The greatest warrior in history?
This wee boy?
I'm going to 69 with him?
Yeah, I have to
explain this again,
that makes sense.
So when I told Kronish his
future to get him on the boat,
it put a fork into
the space‐time continuum.
This is a fork, by the way.
So, in your timeline,
you didn't take the bridge
to steal the TTD?
No.
No, we took the tunnel
but it was a trap.
DMC gas.
They picked us off one by one
until we dropped to our knees
just choking on death.
Biotics have a mutated p36
immunosuppressant gene
that renders them immune
to all poisons.
I know, Owl.
I actually used
that same principle
to get all my coworkers
to shit themselves
in their formal wear.
So the bridge was also a trap?
I mean, we were always doomed.
This whole time I thought
I'd made the wrong call
but there was no
right call to make.
Well, I...
I'm relieved.
That is a load off.
I mean, just fell right off me.
So we kill Kronish,
blow up the building
with all his research inside,
we escape, no innocents die,
future saved.
‐Yeah. ‐I'm confused,
and maybe it's because I
haven't slept for 4,000 fingers,
but why are we planning
an infiltration op
when there are only five of us
and we have enough nukes
to level this city?
No, no, no nukes.
We're doing this lean and clean,
from a moral standpoint.
Since when are you
anti blowing shit up?
Truth be told, I'm transitioning
out of demolitions.
I'm really more
of a chef these days.
What the fuck's a chef?
You see what I had to deal with?
Quick question.
Since we are
in possession of a TTD,
why not go back to when
Kronish was a newborn?
Babies are supposedly
soft and helpless,
quite killable,
almost unfairly so.
Perfect, easy skull smash.
No.
No, no baby killing.
I don't know who
these two face pirates are,
but you're not the Tiger
who took an anal rod to the gut,
and you're not the Wolf
who took a nosedive
into a firebog.
We went through this, Dingo.
The small alteration
in the space‐time continuum
brought them to
a new spectral plane.
It's not that complicated.
No, not that, they've changed.
Hey, you watch your rat hole.
I have half a mind
to come over there
and wash it out
with soap, young lady.
Well, joke's on you,
I don't know what soap is.
Owl, why did you eat
my olive tapenade
with your bare hands?
The serving spoon
was right in the dish!
Hey, man, I just
learned what a fork is.
Okay, all right,
all right, look.
I see what's
going on here, okay?
Some of us are from Timeline A,
others from Timeline B,
but we're all here
for the same reason.
We can't have these
factions tearing us apart.
What we need right now,
more than anything,
is to come together.
Am I supposed to
tag in or something?
‐Charging up. ‐Complete charged.
Charge that battery.
‐Yeah, yeah.
Stop avoiding the tunnel.
‐Get down here. ‐.
Okay, tension released.
‐Wolf? ‐Check.
‐Dingo? ‐Check.
‐Owl? ‐What are you doing
‐after this mission?
‐Gonna call that a check.
Future Man?
I'm fucking you
with your own dick.
Okay, to business.
There's going to be
a lot of security
and we're not getting anywhere
without hand scan access.
There's biometric hand scanners
throughout the building.
Lucky for us,
I got us a set of prints.
Okay, Alpha Team will clear
civilians from the building,
drawing out Biotic forces.
Only problem is,
it's a suicide mission.
One of us is gonna have
to be sacrificed.
Looks like Destiny
has found her destiny.
This is not a drill.
All personnel must
evacuate immediately.
Meanwhile, Bravo and Charlie,
they're gonna enter
from underground.
Bravo is gonna set charges
throughout the building...
while Charlie
goes deep into the core,
using his genius
to kill the power.
Opening the
impenetrable security doors,
giving us access
to Kronish himself.
It's been an orange, soldiers.
Wait, orange?
Honor, it's been an honor.
I love you.
Is he all right?
He's a genius,
it's how they are.
Once we get
the signal from Charlie
that the doors are open,
Alpha Team will blow Destiny,
killing all the Biotics
in the lobby.
That will give us a window
of a few minutes
before reinforcements jump in.
We use it to rendezvous
at Kronish's lab,
kill Kronish,
set the final charges,
and jump back to the future.
Um, where do I go at that point?
You're coming
with us, aren't you?
To the future, no.
I can't‐‐I mean,
I have my whole life here.
‐What life? ‐Burn!
No, I mean, I gotta go
and make things right
with my parents and...
That's all I can think of
right now, but stuff!
Then you sneak out
as a civilian.
Or maybe as a janitor.
Yeah, I guess that
makes the most sense.
World's greatest warrior
posing as a lowly janitor.
Where does your brilliance
end, AvoidTheTunnel?
I wouldn't drink that,
it's like 10,000 volts
to your brain.
Right, right.
All right, all
the "innocent" people
who we "can't let die" are out.
Can we blow this shit up now?
All right, Alpha's
ready to blow‐‐
wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
No, we are not clear, we are‐‐.
What the fuck?
One fucking youngling?
The fate of humanity's
in the balance here,
what are you doing?
No.
I gotta get her outta there.
The fuck you do.
What do you think
your future's gonna be like?
I don't know.
It'd be just as strange for me
as it would be for you.
Nothing to do but adapt.
Yeah, it's easy for you to say,
everywhere you go
everyone loves you.
That they do.
But hey, don't sell
yourself short.
Yeah.
Way to find the weak
axis of the I‐beam.
See, adapting already.
Go.
What the fuck
is wrong with you, Tiger?
You talk funny,
you care about younglings,
and you don't smell
like dirt anymore.
This time has turned
you into a monster.
And why do you keep
touching that strangle chain?
No, no, no!
Dingo, do not take my baby!
"You'll always be
a member of the family"?
"Love, Estelle
and Elias Kronish"?
Yeah, you know,
when you read it out loud,
it doesn't sound great.
You got my payment
there, Whiskers?
There's supposed to be four.
What do you want,
they're cracking down!
Got my intel?
Stuart Gavin Camillo.
What have you gotten
yourself mixed up with?
Who are you talking to?
Wait, let me guess,
one of your disappearing
time travel buddies.
What a fucking lunatic.
Well, well, well.
The pupil has become the master.
Who would have thought
I had a knack for explosives?
Not me, I never believed in you.
I thought you were weak
and had bad plans.
Yeah, I've heard that before.
But you've been more
dedicated to this mission
than anyone else.
I want you to know,
if you did come
to the future with us,
I'd take care of you
like you took care of us.
‐Wow, Wolf. ‐I know.
All right.
You know, all I can think
about since I murdered myself
is that I don't
belong in this time
any more than you guys do.
I feel like a man out of time.
‐lt's a weird feeling, right?
‐Yeah.
It's probably why
I did all that coke.
I'm just kidding, I did
that because it was awesome.
You know what?
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna go with you guys
back to the future.
My days of being a janitor...
they're over.
All right.
Bravo's at the Kronish door.
Charlie, what's your ETA?
Physics, inertia,
why have you forsaken me?
Owl?
Come in, Owl.
Owl, are you there?
"Yes, how may I help you?"
"Yes, I believe I'm
supposed to have an orgasm."
"Yes, right this way.
Will this orgasm do?"
"Yes, it will!"
Is... Owl coming?
‐No, he's been myrmed. ‐Again?
God damn necro chamber.
Every freaking timeline.
A myrm eats its way through
your brain lobe by lobe.
If he's having
an orgasm this intense,
it can only be because the myrm
is chewing on his amygdala.
That's the brain's clit.
Yeah.
So you went back to the '40s
to slit his throat as a baby,
that part makes sense.
‐Then what? ‐Well, then...
one thing led to another
and you know how it goes.
I kinda ended up raising him.
Was that before or after
you sent him on the floaty box
with his secret charging mate?
It's called a boat
and it was after.
Or before, depending
on how you view time.
How many chances have you had
to kill Kronish and not done it?
‐Yeah.
‐The answer should be zero,
you goddamn traitor.
I'm not following
your plans anymore.
I'm in charge now.
Sweetie, you gotta
get outta here.
The grown‐ups are playing.
Go!
Give me the detonator.
Owl, open the goddamn doors,
I had to blow Destiny early.
Dingo turned on me.
We're screwed.
Open those doors.
It's not a sandwich,
it's a glove.
Hey, free sandwich.
God damnit!
Fifteen brain bombs
just blew downstairs.
Biotic reinforcements
are gonna be here any second.
Shit.
These doors must
be Israeli steel.
We ain't blowing through this.
Wait, you said that Kronish
doesn't let anybody
into his lab, right?
Yeah.
But you know
what he does let in?
Possums.
They gotta go somewhere.
Guys, the incinerator chute.
‐That's our way in.
‐No, as soon as they arrive,
they'll make straight for
Kronish, we'll be overrun.
Yeah, but not if
you hold them off.
Look, all you gotta do
is give me enough time
to climb up the chute,
set the final charge,
and kill Kronish myself.
I appreciate your offer,
I really do,
but you've got, like, what,
one kill notch on your belt?
And let's be honest,
evil you did most of the work.
No.
No, if someone's
gonna kill Kronish,
‐it should be me.
‐With that door sealed,
your only exit is down
into the fire.
Yeah?
It's a suicide mission.
It's a one‐way ticket.
No coming back,
no do‐over, no tomorrow.
‐You're gonna die.
‐Yeah, okay, look,
I had it at "suicide."
Look, when you guys invited
me to come to your future,
that meant everything to me.
All right,
but that's your world,
that's not mine.
And this world
isn't mine either,
it's Joosh's.
Destiny isn't something
that just arrives
on your doorstep
in a wooden box from Japan.
It's something that
you seize in a moment,
a moment where you realize
you have to murder/suicide
your former boss and mentor.
This is why you
came back for me.
I can do this.
Okay.
Okay, look,
just wait for my signal.
When that thing goes green,
that means Kronish is dead
and the final charge
has been set.
Then you guys get
the fuck back to the future
and do not come back
for me no matter what.
All right, if this works,
you cannot risk undoing it.
That's time travel 102.
We'll never forget
what you did here.
You're not Future Man.
You're something much better.
You're Josh "Foo‐terman."
It's Futterman but I get‐‐
‐Okay. ‐Okay.
I know we'll never get
a chance to switch dicks back,
but I'm cool with that.
It was never about the dick.
It's about the warrior's mane,
and you earned every last hair.
That's a goodbye.
Okay.
Hey, Manuel, don't you know
the building's being evacuated?
What the fuck you doing?
Clear the building.
Lo siento, mi amigos.
Mi trabajo es muy importante.
Puck shot!
Gut knife!
Gut knife, gut knife,
fucking gut knife!
Fuck you!
Science wand!
One more for the gobulator.
Okay, let's not kid ourselves.
Yeah, you're right.
Fuck.
So much for stealth mode.
We gotta draw them
away from the door.
I thought this would be easier.
Why didn't I just play Madden?
Fuck.
Go!
I'm hit!
No!
Fuck.
Mr. Futterman.
I've been expecting you.
My God, you're evil now.
God damnit.
Why couldn't you have
just been happy
eating your conch fritters?
But I was, Josh.
I was!
As happy as a conch.
Which is like a clam
only much more delicious.
Leslie and I were
living our dream
far, far away from here
until one windless, fateful day
just north of the Isle of Lamu.
My dearest Leslie brushed
against a rusty nail
and contracted
a staph infection.
Simple, treatable,
but we were a five‐day sail
away from the nearest hospital.
‐ln Somalia. ‐God.
By the time we reached dry land,
the love of my life
expired right in front of me
and there was nothing
I could do about it.
Please, you have to
make this easier for me.
But there was something
I could do about it.
You told me!
The power to eradicate pain
and disease forever
lay within me.
I could make it so that
no one ever had to watch
a loved one be taken away
from them ever again.
How could I not pursue
such a noble path?
What's the point?
Just let me.
You know, I don't remember
Dingo being such an asshole.
Yeah, she was right though.
We have changed.
And for the better.
I like who we've become.
Which is why it sucks
we're about to die.
Wait, maybe we don't have to.
Maybe it's time for...
Beaver's razor.
I'm sorry about Leslie,
I know that you
loved him so much.
And you guys used to
really get after it sometimes.
But the truth is,
every time and every timeline,
your work leads to
the creation of the Biotics
who destroy all of mankind.
No, I kept the research,
all my research right here
under this roof,
shared it with no one!
I will never do that.
I am dedicated to good,
to ending pain.
I know that you are,
but this is already happening.
I've tried really,
really, really hard
not to kill you.
Okay, it's been
my number one goal.
I've tried to change you,
I've tried to control events,
but it doesn't work.
This is where we end up.
You're wrong, Josh.
‐I've been careful.
‐lt doesn't matter
how careful you've been, okay?
Look!
Don't pretend you don't see
what's happening down there.
This is the army
that your cure created.
I wanted to heal the world.
Build a legacy
like my fraternity brother,
Blapple founder Lamar Price.
I know you did.
And in another life, you were
another kind of great man
where you were strong and caring
and warm and supportive.
And that's what makes
this so much harder.
It's now or never, Wolfie.
Okay!
Brain bombs or not.
Say hello to
your little friends.
You're not a killer,
are you, son?
Today I am.
And you have to die.
Tomorrow, to demonstrate
my breakthrough to the world,
I was going to inject myself
with a needle
filled with microdoses
of 100 of the world's
deadliest diseases,
and then, dramatically,
save myself with my cure.
It would have been
fantastic theater.
Tonight's performance
will have a different ending.
Woo.
That stings.
We broke the Beaver's dam.
Biotic flood comes next.
Tell me...
about the man you used to know.
The dancer.
Shit.
I really thought
that was gonna work.
And every year,
you would do this goofy toast
and hold up these
delicious chocolate balls
that you named after yourself.
So...
whimsical.
Help.
I don't expect anyone
to understand what I've done.
Please believe me
when I tell you,
I'm not the person
they're saying I am
or even the person
that you think that I am.
I'm someone else entirely.
I know that sounds confusing
and I wish that
I could explain it.
But what I know to be true
is a burden I have
to carry alone.
Maybe not for that long
or maybe for
the rest of my life.
All I can do, in my own way,
is try to make things right.
I think that's a lot of money.
Cupcake, we're going home.
Sometimes I feel like
I've spent my whole life
pretending to be a hero,
so when the time came
to be one in real life,
I went for it.
I really did.
Which is why I have to go.
‐I love you. ‐Joosh!
Owl, Owl, are you there?
Thirst hyped, brain plunged!
‐Skippy‐di‐bop!
‐Owl, do you copy?
‐Skippy‐di‐bop.
‐Owl, listen to me, okay?
You need to cut
the power right now
to the possum incinerator chute.
Shut down the power to
the possum chute right now!
Right now, you have to do it
or I'm gonna burn alive.
Do you understand me,
do you copy?
‐Skippy‐di‐bop. ‐Good enough.
Fuck.
I don't wanna die!
I'm not dead!
Thanks, Owl.
I did it!
You did it?
Well, you mind if
I quote you on that?
Check and mate.
I don't think
that piece moves like that.
Right, that's the horsey.
No, that's the pawn.
Speaking of pawns,
I take it no word from
your time traveling pals?
Hey, look, I blew up that
building completely on my own.
You sat through the whole trial.
Some friends.
Leave you locked up while
they're free to robo‐surf
and hunt sport gators
in a beautiful unknown future.
No, this is
what I signed up for.
And I'm free.
In here and in here.
Well, I better get going.
The widow Santiago's
coming over for dinner.
Pretty soon her belly's
gonna be swollen with meatloaf.
Vince, are you...
are you sweet on her?
Time heals all wounds,
Futterman.
By the way,
I clipped this article for you.
Looks like your folks
are putting good use
to your Euros.
Well.
It ever bother you that everyone
thinks you're batshit crazy?
I know the truth.
That's all that matters.
Reminds me of someone
I used to know.
Vincent Skarsgaard.
Next week, Future Man.
On the door, coming out.
That's the Kronitorium,
where the super cure
was engineered.
Your boss sounds like
a real interesting fellow.
Kronish, nobody's
seen him in years,
but he's giving some
sort of big announcement.
My name is Joosh.
You got a court order declaring
us mentally incompetent
and putting us in this place.
We need to kill Kronish,
destroy his research,
and blow up the Kronitorium
but this mission calls
for a much bigger kill team.
If there's two of me,
that means there's two of you.
Guys, you can have
the entire team back.
Resistance forever!
Mongoose, Butterfly,
Owl before he got
that brain worm thing.
All I have to do
is beat the game again.
We need to back up,
there are about to be
45 bloodthirsty warriors
up in this piece.
Bomb, bomb, bomb, get it off me!
‐Get it off me!
‐Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb!
‐Don't move!
‐...just chop my arm off!
Stop moving,
if you breathe wrong,
this blows.
Fuck me.
Clear.
Fuckin' skull cunts
tagged me just as I jumped.
Dingo, what happened?
Where's the rest of the team?
Dead!
Just like you,
I just watched you die.
Guys, is anybody else
noticing the hooded slave?
That's no slave.
‐Wolf. ‐Owl!
Much obliged.
Thank you.
‐Tiger. ‐Owl!
My good friend.
How are you alive?
Dingo plucked me
from a Biotic necro chamber.
I've been tortured,
in and out of consciousness
for about three weeks.
So, that means you must be...
AvoidTheTunnel.
Welcome to our time.
The greatest warrior in history?
This wee boy?
I'm going to 69 with him?
Yeah, I have to
explain this again,
that makes sense.
So when I told Kronish his
future to get him on the boat,
it put a fork into
the space‐time continuum.
This is a fork, by the way.
So, in your timeline,
you didn't take the bridge
to steal the TTD?
No.
No, we took the tunnel
but it was a trap.
DMC gas.
They picked us off one by one
until we dropped to our knees
just choking on death.
Biotics have a mutated p36
immunosuppressant gene
that renders them immune
to all poisons.
I know, Owl.
I actually used
that same principle
to get all my coworkers
to shit themselves
in their formal wear.
So the bridge was also a trap?
I mean, we were always doomed.
This whole time I thought
I'd made the wrong call
but there was no
right call to make.
Well, I...
I'm relieved.
That is a load off.
I mean, just fell right off me.
So we kill Kronish,
blow up the building
with all his research inside,
we escape, no innocents die,
future saved.
‐Yeah. ‐I'm confused,
and maybe it's because I
haven't slept for 4,000 fingers,
but why are we planning
an infiltration op
when there are only five of us
and we have enough nukes
to level this city?
No, no, no nukes.
We're doing this lean and clean,
from a moral standpoint.
Since when are you
anti blowing shit up?
Truth be told, I'm transitioning
out of demolitions.
I'm really more
of a chef these days.
What the fuck's a chef?
You see what I had to deal with?
Quick question.
Since we are
in possession of a TTD,
why not go back to when
Kronish was a newborn?
Babies are supposedly
soft and helpless,
quite killable,
almost unfairly so.
Perfect, easy skull smash.
No.
No, no baby killing.
I don't know who
these two face pirates are,
but you're not the Tiger
who took an anal rod to the gut,
and you're not the Wolf
who took a nosedive
into a firebog.
We went through this, Dingo.
The small alteration
in the space‐time continuum
brought them to
a new spectral plane.
It's not that complicated.
No, not that, they've changed.
Hey, you watch your rat hole.
I have half a mind
to come over there
and wash it out
with soap, young lady.
Well, joke's on you,
I don't know what soap is.
Owl, why did you eat
my olive tapenade
with your bare hands?
The serving spoon
was right in the dish!
Hey, man, I just
learned what a fork is.
Okay, all right,
all right, look.
I see what's
going on here, okay?
Some of us are from Timeline A,
others from Timeline B,
but we're all here
for the same reason.
We can't have these
factions tearing us apart.
What we need right now,
more than anything,
is to come together.
Am I supposed to
tag in or something?
‐Charging up. ‐Complete charged.
Charge that battery.
‐Yeah, yeah.
Stop avoiding the tunnel.
‐Get down here. ‐.
Okay, tension released.
‐Wolf? ‐Check.
‐Dingo? ‐Check.
‐Owl? ‐What are you doing
‐after this mission?
‐Gonna call that a check.
Future Man?
I'm fucking you
with your own dick.
Okay, to business.
There's going to be
a lot of security
and we're not getting anywhere
without hand scan access.
There's biometric hand scanners
throughout the building.
Lucky for us,
I got us a set of prints.
Okay, Alpha Team will clear
civilians from the building,
drawing out Biotic forces.
Only problem is,
it's a suicide mission.
One of us is gonna have
to be sacrificed.
Looks like Destiny
has found her destiny.
This is not a drill.
All personnel must
evacuate immediately.
Meanwhile, Bravo and Charlie,
they're gonna enter
from underground.
Bravo is gonna set charges
throughout the building...
while Charlie
goes deep into the core,
using his genius
to kill the power.
Opening the
impenetrable security doors,
giving us access
to Kronish himself.
It's been an orange, soldiers.
Wait, orange?
Honor, it's been an honor.
I love you.
Is he all right?
He's a genius,
it's how they are.
Once we get
the signal from Charlie
that the doors are open,
Alpha Team will blow Destiny,
killing all the Biotics
in the lobby.
That will give us a window
of a few minutes
before reinforcements jump in.
We use it to rendezvous
at Kronish's lab,
kill Kronish,
set the final charges,
and jump back to the future.
Um, where do I go at that point?
You're coming
with us, aren't you?
To the future, no.
I can't‐‐I mean,
I have my whole life here.
‐What life? ‐Burn!
No, I mean, I gotta go
and make things right
with my parents and...
That's all I can think of
right now, but stuff!
Then you sneak out
as a civilian.
Or maybe as a janitor.
Yeah, I guess that
makes the most sense.
World's greatest warrior
posing as a lowly janitor.
Where does your brilliance
end, AvoidTheTunnel?
I wouldn't drink that,
it's like 10,000 volts
to your brain.
Right, right.
All right, all
the "innocent" people
who we "can't let die" are out.
Can we blow this shit up now?
All right, Alpha's
ready to blow‐‐
wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
No, we are not clear, we are‐‐.
What the fuck?
One fucking youngling?
The fate of humanity's
in the balance here,
what are you doing?
No.
I gotta get her outta there.
The fuck you do.
What do you think
your future's gonna be like?
I don't know.
It'd be just as strange for me
as it would be for you.
Nothing to do but adapt.
Yeah, it's easy for you to say,
everywhere you go
everyone loves you.
That they do.
But hey, don't sell
yourself short.
Yeah.
Way to find the weak
axis of the I‐beam.
See, adapting already.
Go.
What the fuck
is wrong with you, Tiger?
You talk funny,
you care about younglings,
and you don't smell
like dirt anymore.
This time has turned
you into a monster.
And why do you keep
touching that strangle chain?
No, no, no!
Dingo, do not take my baby!
"You'll always be
a member of the family"?
"Love, Estelle
and Elias Kronish"?
Yeah, you know,
when you read it out loud,
it doesn't sound great.
You got my payment
there, Whiskers?
There's supposed to be four.
What do you want,
they're cracking down!
Got my intel?
Stuart Gavin Camillo.
What have you gotten
yourself mixed up with?
Who are you talking to?
Wait, let me guess,
one of your disappearing
time travel buddies.
What a fucking lunatic.
Well, well, well.
The pupil has become the master.
Who would have thought
I had a knack for explosives?
Not me, I never believed in you.
I thought you were weak
and had bad plans.
Yeah, I've heard that before.
But you've been more
dedicated to this mission
than anyone else.
I want you to know,
if you did come
to the future with us,
I'd take care of you
like you took care of us.
‐Wow, Wolf. ‐I know.
All right.
You know, all I can think
about since I murdered myself
is that I don't
belong in this time
any more than you guys do.
I feel like a man out of time.
‐lt's a weird feeling, right?
‐Yeah.
It's probably why
I did all that coke.
I'm just kidding, I did
that because it was awesome.
You know what?
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna go with you guys
back to the future.
My days of being a janitor...
they're over.
All right.
Bravo's at the Kronish door.
Charlie, what's your ETA?
Physics, inertia,
why have you forsaken me?
Owl?
Come in, Owl.
Owl, are you there?
"Yes, how may I help you?"
"Yes, I believe I'm
supposed to have an orgasm."
"Yes, right this way.
Will this orgasm do?"
"Yes, it will!"
Is... Owl coming?
‐No, he's been myrmed. ‐Again?
God damn necro chamber.
Every freaking timeline.
A myrm eats its way through
your brain lobe by lobe.
If he's having
an orgasm this intense,
it can only be because the myrm
is chewing on his amygdala.
That's the brain's clit.
Yeah.
So you went back to the '40s
to slit his throat as a baby,
that part makes sense.
‐Then what? ‐Well, then...
one thing led to another
and you know how it goes.
I kinda ended up raising him.
Was that before or after
you sent him on the floaty box
with his secret charging mate?
It's called a boat
and it was after.
Or before, depending
on how you view time.
How many chances have you had
to kill Kronish and not done it?
‐Yeah.
‐The answer should be zero,
you goddamn traitor.
I'm not following
your plans anymore.
I'm in charge now.
Sweetie, you gotta
get outta here.
The grown‐ups are playing.
Go!
Give me the detonator.
Owl, open the goddamn doors,
I had to blow Destiny early.
Dingo turned on me.
We're screwed.
Open those doors.
It's not a sandwich,
it's a glove.
Hey, free sandwich.
God damnit!
Fifteen brain bombs
just blew downstairs.
Biotic reinforcements
are gonna be here any second.
Shit.
These doors must
be Israeli steel.
We ain't blowing through this.
Wait, you said that Kronish
doesn't let anybody
into his lab, right?
Yeah.
But you know
what he does let in?
Possums.
They gotta go somewhere.
Guys, the incinerator chute.
‐That's our way in.
‐No, as soon as they arrive,
they'll make straight for
Kronish, we'll be overrun.
Yeah, but not if
you hold them off.
Look, all you gotta do
is give me enough time
to climb up the chute,
set the final charge,
and kill Kronish myself.
I appreciate your offer,
I really do,
but you've got, like, what,
one kill notch on your belt?
And let's be honest,
evil you did most of the work.
No.
No, if someone's
gonna kill Kronish,
‐it should be me.
‐With that door sealed,
your only exit is down
into the fire.
Yeah?
It's a suicide mission.
It's a one‐way ticket.
No coming back,
no do‐over, no tomorrow.
‐You're gonna die.
‐Yeah, okay, look,
I had it at "suicide."
Look, when you guys invited
me to come to your future,
that meant everything to me.
All right,
but that's your world,
that's not mine.
And this world
isn't mine either,
it's Joosh's.
Destiny isn't something
that just arrives
on your doorstep
in a wooden box from Japan.
It's something that
you seize in a moment,
a moment where you realize
you have to murder/suicide
your former boss and mentor.
This is why you
came back for me.
I can do this.
Okay.
Okay, look,
just wait for my signal.
When that thing goes green,
that means Kronish is dead
and the final charge
has been set.
Then you guys get
the fuck back to the future
and do not come back
for me no matter what.
All right, if this works,
you cannot risk undoing it.
That's time travel 102.
We'll never forget
what you did here.
You're not Future Man.
You're something much better.
You're Josh "Foo‐terman."
It's Futterman but I get‐‐
‐Okay. ‐Okay.
I know we'll never get
a chance to switch dicks back,
but I'm cool with that.
It was never about the dick.
It's about the warrior's mane,
and you earned every last hair.
That's a goodbye.
Okay.
Hey, Manuel, don't you know
the building's being evacuated?
What the fuck you doing?
Clear the building.
Lo siento, mi amigos.
Mi trabajo es muy importante.
Puck shot!
Gut knife!
Gut knife, gut knife,
fucking gut knife!
Fuck you!
Science wand!
One more for the gobulator.
Okay, let's not kid ourselves.
Yeah, you're right.
Fuck.
So much for stealth mode.
We gotta draw them
away from the door.
I thought this would be easier.
Why didn't I just play Madden?
Fuck.
Go!
I'm hit!
No!
Fuck.
Mr. Futterman.
I've been expecting you.
My God, you're evil now.
God damnit.
Why couldn't you have
just been happy
eating your conch fritters?
But I was, Josh.
I was!
As happy as a conch.
Which is like a clam
only much more delicious.
Leslie and I were
living our dream
far, far away from here
until one windless, fateful day
just north of the Isle of Lamu.
My dearest Leslie brushed
against a rusty nail
and contracted
a staph infection.
Simple, treatable,
but we were a five‐day sail
away from the nearest hospital.
‐ln Somalia. ‐God.
By the time we reached dry land,
the love of my life
expired right in front of me
and there was nothing
I could do about it.
Please, you have to
make this easier for me.
But there was something
I could do about it.
You told me!
The power to eradicate pain
and disease forever
lay within me.
I could make it so that
no one ever had to watch
a loved one be taken away
from them ever again.
How could I not pursue
such a noble path?
What's the point?
Just let me.
You know, I don't remember
Dingo being such an asshole.
Yeah, she was right though.
We have changed.
And for the better.
I like who we've become.
Which is why it sucks
we're about to die.
Wait, maybe we don't have to.
Maybe it's time for...
Beaver's razor.
I'm sorry about Leslie,
I know that you
loved him so much.
And you guys used to
really get after it sometimes.
But the truth is,
every time and every timeline,
your work leads to
the creation of the Biotics
who destroy all of mankind.
No, I kept the research,
all my research right here
under this roof,
shared it with no one!
I will never do that.
I am dedicated to good,
to ending pain.
I know that you are,
but this is already happening.
I've tried really,
really, really hard
not to kill you.
Okay, it's been
my number one goal.
I've tried to change you,
I've tried to control events,
but it doesn't work.
This is where we end up.
You're wrong, Josh.
‐I've been careful.
‐lt doesn't matter
how careful you've been, okay?
Look!
Don't pretend you don't see
what's happening down there.
This is the army
that your cure created.
I wanted to heal the world.
Build a legacy
like my fraternity brother,
Blapple founder Lamar Price.
I know you did.
And in another life, you were
another kind of great man
where you were strong and caring
and warm and supportive.
And that's what makes
this so much harder.
It's now or never, Wolfie.
Okay!
Brain bombs or not.
Say hello to
your little friends.
You're not a killer,
are you, son?
Today I am.
And you have to die.
Tomorrow, to demonstrate
my breakthrough to the world,
I was going to inject myself
with a needle
filled with microdoses
of 100 of the world's
deadliest diseases,
and then, dramatically,
save myself with my cure.
It would have been
fantastic theater.
Tonight's performance
will have a different ending.
Woo.
That stings.
We broke the Beaver's dam.
Biotic flood comes next.
Tell me...
about the man you used to know.
The dancer.
Shit.
I really thought
that was gonna work.
And every year,
you would do this goofy toast
and hold up these
delicious chocolate balls
that you named after yourself.
So...
whimsical.
Help.
I don't expect anyone
to understand what I've done.
Please believe me
when I tell you,
I'm not the person
they're saying I am
or even the person
that you think that I am.
I'm someone else entirely.
I know that sounds confusing
and I wish that
I could explain it.
But what I know to be true
is a burden I have
to carry alone.
Maybe not for that long
or maybe for
the rest of my life.
All I can do, in my own way,
is try to make things right.
I think that's a lot of money.
Cupcake, we're going home.
Sometimes I feel like
I've spent my whole life
pretending to be a hero,
so when the time came
to be one in real life,
I went for it.
I really did.
Which is why I have to go.
‐I love you. ‐Joosh!
Owl, Owl, are you there?
Thirst hyped, brain plunged!
‐Skippy‐di‐bop!
‐Owl, do you copy?
‐Skippy‐di‐bop.
‐Owl, listen to me, okay?
You need to cut
the power right now
to the possum incinerator chute.
Shut down the power to
the possum chute right now!
Right now, you have to do it
or I'm gonna burn alive.
Do you understand me,
do you copy?
‐Skippy‐di‐bop. ‐Good enough.
Fuck.
I don't wanna die!
I'm not dead!
Thanks, Owl.
I did it!
You did it?
Well, you mind if
I quote you on that?
Check and mate.
I don't think
that piece moves like that.
Right, that's the horsey.
No, that's the pawn.
Speaking of pawns,
I take it no word from
your time traveling pals?
Hey, look, I blew up that
building completely on my own.
You sat through the whole trial.
Some friends.
Leave you locked up while
they're free to robo‐surf
and hunt sport gators
in a beautiful unknown future.
No, this is
what I signed up for.
And I'm free.
In here and in here.
Well, I better get going.
The widow Santiago's
coming over for dinner.
Pretty soon her belly's
gonna be swollen with meatloaf.
Vince, are you...
are you sweet on her?
Time heals all wounds,
Futterman.
By the way,
I clipped this article for you.
Looks like your folks
are putting good use
to your Euros.
Well.
It ever bother you that everyone
thinks you're batshit crazy?
I know the truth.
That's all that matters.
Reminds me of someone
I used to know.
Vincent Skarsgaard.
Next week, Future Man.
On the door, coming out.