Future Man (2017–…): Season 2, Episode 1 - Episode #2.1 - full transcript
[LIGHTNING CRACKLING]
WOMAN: Last season on "Future Man"...
Whoo-ha-ha-ha!
- Who are you people?
- TIGER: The game is a recruitment
and training tool sent back in time.
You're gonna help us save the world.
You're the savior.
JOSH: The mission is to stop
him from getting herpes,
prevent him from becoming a scientist,
and then he never creates the cure.
I'm really sorry, sir.
Sorry doesn't re-swab those urethras.
That's enough, Dr. Camillo.
I'm sorry, Dr. Kronish.
- Stu.
- Did I take your bench?
- I'm... I'm sorry.
- No, Stu, it's me.
What is going on with this timeline?
- Hey, hey, JFutz.
- You're home earls, bro.
- My name is Jewish.
- That's the Kronitorium
where the super-cure was engineered.
Where the Biotics were born.
No, if someone's gonna kill
Kronish, it should be me.
We'll never forget what you did here.
JOSH: When that thing goes green,
that means Kronish is dead and
the final charge has been set.
Then, you guys get back to the future
and do not come back
for me no matter what.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[LAUGHS] I did it!
You did it, huh?
I take it, no word from
your time-traveling pals?
Some friends.
[LIGHTNING CRACKLING]
[EXCITING MUSIC]
♪ ♪
_
[INSECTS CHIRPING]
[DRAMATIC MUSICAL FLOURISH]
[MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC]
♪ ♪
- Oh, my Gosh.
- PAUL: I got you now.
That's right. Teach you
to fuck with me again.
Yeah, there you go.
Oh, yeah, you're struggling.
I like that. Just gives me more power.
[GRUNTS] Take it.
Come on. That's right.
There you go. How's that feel?
Yeah, shut that big
mouth once and for all.
[LAUGHS] Tricked you
with a worm, you idiot.
That's right. I'm a man.
You're a fish. I live in a house.
You live in a lake.
There you go. Stop fighting.
- Paul?
- [GRUNTS]
Oh-ho-ho! Joosh.
You know, this... this fishing game,
this is one of the best fishing
games ever I ever played,
and I've played a shitload
of fishing games.
Not on my work time. On my private time.
You know, I would never do anything
while I'm working for you, sir.
Okay, cool. Uh, one question though.
How am I here?
The last thing I remember,
I was in prison,
- and there was this...
- Big, flash of light, right?
Wait, how do you know that?
♪ ♪
It happened again.
[TENSE MUSIC]
What?
Let's go over it one more time.
When you were in prison,
you started seeing these
flashes of light,
and, uh, having seizures.
- Okay.
- Yeah, it was terrible.
You know, gave you complete memory loss.
Doctor's figured out it was
because of the nuts in your prison food.
Yeah, I mean, I have a nut allergy,
but it doesn't give me seizures.
Well, you have too many nuts,
you shake like a maraca.
So the prison had to decide
whether or not to hire
you a private chef
or send you home under house arrest.
But they figured, you know,
hiring a private chef
for "The Krona-bomber,"
that's a PR nightmare.
So they sent you home.
And that wasn't a PR nightmare?
It's kind of like a
pick-your-poison thing.
You know, 'cause now
you're eating nut-free meals,
but occasionally, you'll see
these flashes of light,
and then you'll forget everything,
and I gotta explain it to
you, and it's super boring.
I've, like, told you this
story, like, 15 times.
[SIGHS]
Okay, and... and you and
Tracy still work for me?
No, yeah, Tracy had a problem
working for a terrorist.
Me, not so much.
As long as the checks clear,
I'm your man, JFutz.
Mmm.
But if I'm on house arrest,
why don't I have an ankle bracelet on.
I mean, what's to stop me
from just walking out the door?
[TOILET FLUSHES]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
The bullet I'd put in
the back of your skull.
Just kidding.
I'd just pop your knee clean out.
[LAUGHS]
Paulie, is he seizing up again?
Yeah, we got a regular
Lucy Whitmore over here.
That's a character portrayed
by Drew Barrymore
in the film "50 First Dates."
Please don't tell me you forgot that.
So you're...
- like, my personal guard now?
- Bingo.
Whoa, "Vermont Fishing Hole."
Hey, any nibbles, Paulie?
PAUL: Pull up a pole.
Find out yourself, my friend.
Wait, wait, hang on a second.
That doesn't make any sense.
Prisons have to deal with food
allergies on a daily basis.
There must be thousands of options
that are... that are better
than sending me home.
I'm a convicted terrorist.
I was given 101 consecutive
life sentences,
and "USA Today" said that I was
the most hated man in America.
Ooh, and the "New York Post"
dubbed you Little Boy Blue.
B-L-E-W.
'Cause you blew up the building.
And you're small in stature.
- [GRUNTS]
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[GRUNTS]
Okay, so the terrorist gets the door.
♪ ♪
Oh, shit, peonies!
I didn't know they were in season.
Neither did I. [LAUGHS]
I'm gonna have to pick up some
of those for the widow Santiago.
JOSH: Stu Camillo?
Stuart Gavin Camillo?
Ooh, who's that? Old flame?
No, it's a guy that I used to work with,
but I have no idea why he
would send me flowers.
Hmm, but why do you think
he might send you flowers?
I don't know.
I just thought he always
kind of hated me.
Objection. Speculation.
- Let's get into the real.
- PAUL: Yeah, hmm.
Why does this guy hate you?
I really don't know.
He was just always a dick to me.
Really? For no reason?
Wh... why do you care?
Don't you find it curious
that a man you considered "a dick"
would purchase this
tasteful floral arrangement?
Clearly this isn't a gas
station impulse buy.
Yeah, these are Majorcan peonies.
You know what the street
value of these are?
I don't. No.
12.50 a bulb.
Mm-hmm.
I think I'm gonna go upstairs
and lie down a little.
- This is all just sort of...
- Wait.
Don't you wanna write him
a thank you note first?
- What?
- PAUL: Yeah.
Etiquette dictates, when
someone sends you flowers,
- you write them a thank you.
- Since when?
Everyone knows you gotta write a note
before the last petal falls.
I don't wanna say anything to Stu.
Okay, fine, fine. I'll write it.
"Dear Stu,
thank you for the magnificent
Majorcan peonies."
Now I'd like to add something personal.
Maybe, like, a little inside
joke that you and Stu share.
- What would that be?
- What is the deal
with you guys and Stu?
I-I barely even knew the guy.
Whoa, hey. Calm down, man.
- We're all friends here.
- VINCENT: Yeah.
You're all getting defensive
about this Camillo fella.
- What does he have on you?
- Or you on him?
Nothing! I don't know what
the fuck you're talking about!
Answer our questions about Stu Camillo
- and this will all be over.
- Stop.
Stop! Stop walking at me!
[LIGHTING CRACKLES]
- Sup.
- Hey.
Die, resistance scum!
[BLASTERS FIRING]
- Who...
- Ninja star.
[BOTH GRUNT]
[GRUNTS]
[BOTH GRUNT]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪ ♪
I give that entrance...
Two stars.
What the hell is happening, guys?
Skarsgaard and Paul were Biotics?
- I thought we saved the future.
- We did.
It's the present that's in danger.
Your present.
Nice pj's. All right.
Before we blew up the Kronitorium,
Biotics executed murder protocol one.
Oh, I don't like how that sounds at all.
Yeah, no, you shouldn't.
They activated every Biotic
sleeper agent in the world
for one singular mission.
- Killing you.
- What?
Wh-wh-why? I'm being John Wicked?
They must have sent your picture out
before we blew up the lab.
Call it the last gasp
of a dying civilization.
Okay, but... but the future
you guys went back to...?
Oh, it's perfect.
Everything we dreamed of.
- Really?
- Yeah.
It's a utopia inside of a paradise.
We have robot butlers.
- Tiger, that's...
- No, don't worry. Don't worry.
Don't worry. They're
programmed not to turn on us.
Wow.
We... we saved the world.
You know, when I was in prison,
I-I hoped against hope
and... and it kept me going, but...
- But knowing for sure...
- [DOOR OPENS]
That makes everything we
went through worth it.
Yeah.
[DOOR CLOSES]
Wait. If the future was perfect,
then why... why'd you guys
come back for me?
'Cause you were in
trouble, little buddy.
TIGER: We... we looked up
what happened to you.
Oh, man, it was tough livin' our lives
knowing those two had
killed you so horrifically.
Yeah, you see, first rule
of murder protocol one
is to disrespect the body. So...
- Oh!
- WOLF: Yeah.
- TIGER: Mm.
- [EXHALES]
Where are my ears?
Oh, no, they're right...
- there... there they are.
- Yeah.
Right inside that.
- So...
- Oh, God. Okay.
No teammate of ours is
gonna die like that.
- No.
- No, no, no.
- Thank you, guys.
- Hey, do you have any food?
Yeah.
JOSH: Mmm, what the hell
did you do to these vegetables?
I poached 'em in duck fat.
Mmm.
That was so good.
I can't remember the last
time I had real food.
Well, get used to it.
I'm gonna be cooking
like this all the time.
Using fresh local
ingredients wherever we go.
Go?
I mean, shouldn't I be, like,
laying low and hiding out
if Biotics are hunting me?
And wait for them to come to us?
Fuck no. We're bringing
the fight to them.
Yeah, they're spread
all around the world.
From the white sand
beaches of Rio de Janeiro
to the Great Pyramids of Giza.
We're gonna go to all those places?
How... how many sleepers are left?
Well, after this little episode, 12.
Each in a location
more exotic than the last.
You know, I-I sort of just feel like
bringing me to them might be putting me
in, like, unnecessary danger, and...
Well, that's where things
get real interesting.
- Yeah.
- Because once you inject this,
they'll be the ones in danger.
CATG-6,
aka Globyplast Nine,
aka Super Serum 14.
It's gonna make you faster,
smarter, stronger,
and you'll be able to walk into a room
and feel instantly confident
no matter the situation.
[QUIETLY] Oh, yeah.
- Really?
- Yeah.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
This is awesome.
Ha, this is incredible.
We're gonna be kicking ass
side by side just the three of us.
- Well...
- Not exactly.
[WHIRRING, LIGHTNING CRACKLES]
[GROOVY MUSIC]
Got the shield-sphere up.
Should keep us off their
scanners for now.
They'll be four of us.
Meet Fox, new tech expert.
She may look like a nerd,
but you'll be glad to have her
when she hacks us into the Kremlin.
[GRUNTS]
[EXHALES]
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Hi. Futturman.
Josh Futturman.
Welcome to my time.
With a little bit of luck,
maybe it'll become yours.
I like the click of your keyboard.
But be careful, my spell
check doesn't miss a word.
Oh, we'll have to
antidisestablishmentarianism that.
- Serum's working.
- Instant chemistry.
All right, I triangulated the
location of our first target.
The ICEHOTEL in Helsinki.
Ah, yeah, I've always wanted to visit.
Well, you better pack
a parka and a tuxedo.
This is a shadow op. Threat level nine.
You two will be posing as newlyweds
infiltrating a Nordic sex cult.
Murder protocol one
dictates to kill on sight.
No questions asked.
We're really gonna
have to sell newlyweds
with insatiable sexual appetites.
Are you up for that?
I mean, yes, I will try.
♪ ♪
Wait. Did you say kill on sight,
- no questions asked?
- Yeah.
Because those two asked
me a bunch of questions.
- What're you talking about?
- This whole morning,
they could have just
killed me, and instead,
they asked me a bunch of
questions about Stu Camillo.
Why would they ask about Stu?
I don't know, but they
were extremely persistent.
No, I don't like this one bit.
What're they planning?
If they're breaking MP1,
it must be important.
Fox, hack into the Internet.
Find out everything you
can about Stu Camillo.
Already on it.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
You didn't tell 'em anything
important about Stu, did you?
Oh, no, no, no, I don't know
anything important about Stu.
- What does he have on you?
- Or you on him?
♪ ♪
- What does he have on you?
- Or you on him?
Uh, nothing. No, no, nothing.
Um...
but I did just remember that I...
I think I have a Patagonia
gift card upstairs in my room,
I'm gonna go grab it,
gear up for Helsinki.
Back in a jiff.
Okay, Futz.
I know you got it somewhere.
[MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC]
♪ ♪
Spoink!
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[PIG SQUEALS]
What the fuck is happening?
♪ ♪
Oh, Josh, come on.
We're finding all kinds of great
stuff here on the Internet.
Cool. Hey, um...
You know, I just thought of something
that actually might be
really useful about Stu.
Really, what?
It was something that
you told me that he told you
when you guys went on that date.
Remember? The whale watching date?
Yeah, well, he said a lot of things,
so what specifically?
Yeah, I can't remember.
You said it was something that
was really, really important,
and he told you right before
the humpback charged your boat.
Well, to be honest, after
I saw that angry spout,
- it just all went blank.
- Wrong.
You've never seen a spout.
You are never this nice to me.
And you?
You're Spoink girl.
What the fuck is going on?
Somebody give me some answers.
This will all be over soon.
Just tell us why you would
be a threat to Stu Camillo?
- You must know his weakness.
- Some of his secrets?
I don't know anything
about Stu Camillo, okay?
He's a tertiary character in my life.
- Tell us!
- He's tertiary!
- God damn it!
- Start talking.
- Now!
- He's tertiar...
He's tertiary!
♪ ♪
[SPUTTERING, GRUNTING]
I told you not to repeat
the question sequencing.
You made him suspicious.
Geez, you're worse than Hera.
- Don't compare me to Hera.
- Too late.
- I already did.
- JOSH: [GRUNTS]
How long until the simulation reboots?
I don't know. He glitched
the whole thing.
Glitched it? He crashed it.
[GRUNTS]
XENU: [GRUNTS]
Oh, shit.
SHIVA: We're gonna need Apollo.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[MACHINE WHOOSHING STEADILY]
♪ ♪
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
- ATHENA: It's okay.
- [GASPS]
You're safe now.
Let me get this neuro-cap off you.
You'll be a lot more comfortable.
- [MUMBLES]
- Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
[GRUNTS]
What the hell was that? Where am I?
That was a simulation
crafted from your own consciousness,
but controlled by outside operators.
And you are in a cave.
- [GRUNTS]
- ATHENA: Don't squirm.
It only makes the cerebro-derm stickier.
[GRUNTS]
I-I-I can't...
I can't remember coming here.
ATHENA: We had to remove
a small portion of your memory
so you would not suspect
you were in a sim.
[GRUNTS, BREATHES SHAKILY]
Don't worry. It's just spinal fluid.
♪ ♪
There. Good as new.
No, bad. Bad. Still bad.
Who... who are you?
What the fuck is going on?
My name is Athena
and I'm sorry you had
to go through that.
I assure you, it was
for your own safety.
The truth is so shocking,
we felt a simulation was a more
humane way to ease you into it.
I really think you should
lie down for this.
Just come on.
Okay.
I am from the future.
[DRAMATIC TONE]
And...
Okay.
My comrades and I traveled
back in time to find you
because we believe you may be
the only person with the
skills to save our world.
A savior. I know, it boggles the mind.
- [EXHALES]
- But you must believe me.
In 2026, Dr. Stu Camillo will create
a super-cure for all diseases,
leading to a global war...
Between the ones who receive
the cure and the ones who don't?
Well, yes, exactly, but there's no way
you could possibly know that.
Yeah, I know it because I lived it.
God damn it. It didn't work.
I don't understand.
[SOMBER MUSIC]
I fought...
I struggled, I suffered, I sacrificed,
I saw a girl's head get
blown up in my face,
and I end up in the exact same place.
♪ ♪
Okay, so... Stu is the new Kronish.
Same shit, different fucking timeline.
So you're a Time Warrior?
♪ ♪
Yeah.
Yeah, I guess you could say that.
Then you know the stakes we face.
The fate of humanity is in the balance.
- We need you.
- No.
You know, after spending a year
in the prison for the
criminally insane...
For apparently no reason...
I don't really feel like
being a savior anymore.
♪ ♪
I've upset you.
That's the last thing I wanted to do.
Rest.
[CHAINS RATTLING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Seriously?
Great way to treat
your savior. Thank you.
[SIGHS]
[EXHALES]
♪ ♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER PA]
[DOOR OPENS]
ATHENA: Here. Eat something.
I'm not hungry.
Being in the sim cranks your metabolism
14.6 times normal.
You're in a caloric freefall,
you risk hypo-auto-cannibalization.
Oh, all right. How about this?
How about I start by
gnawing on my fucking leg?
Why am I shackled to the bed?
The restraint is for your safety.
I once saw a man flail so violently
from post-sim hallucinations,
he shattered his femur.
The jagged bone ripped right
through the meat of his thigh.
All right, fine. Just leave it on.
Easy on the liquids.
The tranq we gave you can lead
to bladder control issues.
I play a lot of video games, okay.
- I have no problem holding my U.
- Understood.
You know, putting me in that sim
and making me think that I'd
saved the world was pretty mean.
We didn't make you think
you saved the world.
That part was a projection
of your own subconscious.
All we controlled were
the questions about Stu.
- You filled in the rest.
- So you...
You hijacked my brain
just to ask me questions
about Stu Camillo?
Yes, but the simulation
told us so much more.
We thought it was something you knew.
It turns out it's something you are.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
What am I?
ATHENA: That's what
we're here to find out.
There's a power in you greater
than any we've ever seen.
Like... like, a super power?
Exactly.
Now, I understand you've been through
something like this before,
and I know why you're
hesitant to try it again,
but if you'll join us, I promise you,
it'll be different this time.
You won't end up behind bars.
You'll end up in the history books
as the greatest hero
the world has ever known.
- And if I say no?
- We'll wipe your memory
and put you right back in prison.
- You can do that?
- Of course.
The only side effect would be
the lingering sensation
that something was off,
but you would never really
be able to tell what it was.
It would just be there gnawing at you,
never more than a shadow.
That... that sounds like
it would drive me insane.
♪ ♪
[SIGHS] Okay.
Okay, if I do this,
it is not to make it
into the history books.
It's to make sure there's still
a history to be written about.
Inside of history books.
Well said, Joosh.
So, does that mean you're in?
Call me Josh.
I'm in.
Welcome to the Pointed Circle.
Pointed Circle. That's a cool name.
Oh, that also...
Explains the, uh, pointed circle.
[INHALES] Yeah.
There are some others who are
going to want to meet you:
- Odin, Vishnu, Muluku, Xenu.
- Yeah, I, uh, would love
to meet the... the whole...
The whole gang.
And as a member of the Pointed Circle,
you'll need a code name as well.
Okay.
How does Jesus sound to you?
It's a little risky.
Mm, Allah?
- Yeah, Jesus is fine.
- ATHENA: Good.
Eat your supper.
I'll return soon with the others.
[EXHALES SLOWLY]
[PEEING] Oh.
Oh, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
Shit. Shit.
I can't meet Xenu like this.
This is disgusting.
[PLAYFUL DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Sheets.
♪ ♪
[GRUNTING]
ATHENA: Joosh is on board.
We need all techs working
on an upload machine.
XENU: You're so convinced this'll work,
but how do you know he's the one?
ATHENA: He crashed the simulation
in less than ten minutes.
We harness that power and use it
to bring down the entire system,
- then we strike.
- The attack is on Launch Day.
We'll need to weaponize him before then.
XENU: It'll take some time to
replicate the induction cortex.
You'll have to keep him calm till then.
- That won't be a problem.
- Okay.
'Cause this procedure
will 100% kill him.
- "Kill him"?
- ATHENA: Soldiers die
for lesser causes.
His death will be the first,
but it won't be the last.
A war is coming.
It's time we took back control.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Oh, God. They're gonna kill me.
[GRUNTING]
[DRIVING ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
♪ ♪
Lefty-loosey, righty-tighty,
lefty-loosey.
Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey.
[GRUNTS]
♪ ♪
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING,
MACHINE WHOOSHING STEADILY]
Nighty-night.
[GRUNTS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪ ♪
ATHENA: You left the door open?
[GROANS]
When they ripped out your tongue,
did they get your brain too?
- [MUFFLED SPEECH]
- ATHENA: You know what?
Don't. Spread out.
Search the halls.
He can't have gotten far.
Achilles will hear of this.
[TENSE MUSIC]
[SCOFFS] Jesus.
[EXCITING MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[CREAKING]
♪ ♪
SHIVA: God it stinks in here.
XENU: Yeah, I know.
This cave is nasty. I don't like it.
You know last week, I caught
Apollo pissing in that corner?
I do not let him near me.
♪ ♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
TTD.
MAN: Did you hear that?
Osiris, Ganesh, check that out.
♪ ♪
[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]
♪ ♪
Hachi machi.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
- _
- ♪
♪
WOMAN: Last season on "Future Man"...
Whoo-ha-ha-ha!
- Who are you people?
- TIGER: The game is a recruitment
and training tool sent back in time.
You're gonna help us save the world.
You're the savior.
JOSH: The mission is to stop
him from getting herpes,
prevent him from becoming a scientist,
and then he never creates the cure.
I'm really sorry, sir.
Sorry doesn't re-swab those urethras.
That's enough, Dr. Camillo.
I'm sorry, Dr. Kronish.
- Stu.
- Did I take your bench?
- I'm... I'm sorry.
- No, Stu, it's me.
What is going on with this timeline?
- Hey, hey, JFutz.
- You're home earls, bro.
- My name is Jewish.
- That's the Kronitorium
where the super-cure was engineered.
Where the Biotics were born.
No, if someone's gonna kill
Kronish, it should be me.
We'll never forget what you did here.
JOSH: When that thing goes green,
that means Kronish is dead and
the final charge has been set.
Then, you guys get back to the future
and do not come back
for me no matter what.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[LAUGHS] I did it!
You did it, huh?
I take it, no word from
your time-traveling pals?
Some friends.
[LIGHTNING CRACKLING]
[EXCITING MUSIC]
♪ ♪
_
[INSECTS CHIRPING]
[DRAMATIC MUSICAL FLOURISH]
[MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC]
♪ ♪
- Oh, my Gosh.
- PAUL: I got you now.
That's right. Teach you
to fuck with me again.
Yeah, there you go.
Oh, yeah, you're struggling.
I like that. Just gives me more power.
[GRUNTS] Take it.
Come on. That's right.
There you go. How's that feel?
Yeah, shut that big
mouth once and for all.
[LAUGHS] Tricked you
with a worm, you idiot.
That's right. I'm a man.
You're a fish. I live in a house.
You live in a lake.
There you go. Stop fighting.
- Paul?
- [GRUNTS]
Oh-ho-ho! Joosh.
You know, this... this fishing game,
this is one of the best fishing
games ever I ever played,
and I've played a shitload
of fishing games.
Not on my work time. On my private time.
You know, I would never do anything
while I'm working for you, sir.
Okay, cool. Uh, one question though.
How am I here?
The last thing I remember,
I was in prison,
- and there was this...
- Big, flash of light, right?
Wait, how do you know that?
♪ ♪
It happened again.
[TENSE MUSIC]
What?
Let's go over it one more time.
When you were in prison,
you started seeing these
flashes of light,
and, uh, having seizures.
- Okay.
- Yeah, it was terrible.
You know, gave you complete memory loss.
Doctor's figured out it was
because of the nuts in your prison food.
Yeah, I mean, I have a nut allergy,
but it doesn't give me seizures.
Well, you have too many nuts,
you shake like a maraca.
So the prison had to decide
whether or not to hire
you a private chef
or send you home under house arrest.
But they figured, you know,
hiring a private chef
for "The Krona-bomber,"
that's a PR nightmare.
So they sent you home.
And that wasn't a PR nightmare?
It's kind of like a
pick-your-poison thing.
You know, 'cause now
you're eating nut-free meals,
but occasionally, you'll see
these flashes of light,
and then you'll forget everything,
and I gotta explain it to
you, and it's super boring.
I've, like, told you this
story, like, 15 times.
[SIGHS]
Okay, and... and you and
Tracy still work for me?
No, yeah, Tracy had a problem
working for a terrorist.
Me, not so much.
As long as the checks clear,
I'm your man, JFutz.
Mmm.
But if I'm on house arrest,
why don't I have an ankle bracelet on.
I mean, what's to stop me
from just walking out the door?
[TOILET FLUSHES]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
The bullet I'd put in
the back of your skull.
Just kidding.
I'd just pop your knee clean out.
[LAUGHS]
Paulie, is he seizing up again?
Yeah, we got a regular
Lucy Whitmore over here.
That's a character portrayed
by Drew Barrymore
in the film "50 First Dates."
Please don't tell me you forgot that.
So you're...
- like, my personal guard now?
- Bingo.
Whoa, "Vermont Fishing Hole."
Hey, any nibbles, Paulie?
PAUL: Pull up a pole.
Find out yourself, my friend.
Wait, wait, hang on a second.
That doesn't make any sense.
Prisons have to deal with food
allergies on a daily basis.
There must be thousands of options
that are... that are better
than sending me home.
I'm a convicted terrorist.
I was given 101 consecutive
life sentences,
and "USA Today" said that I was
the most hated man in America.
Ooh, and the "New York Post"
dubbed you Little Boy Blue.
B-L-E-W.
'Cause you blew up the building.
And you're small in stature.
- [GRUNTS]
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[GRUNTS]
Okay, so the terrorist gets the door.
♪ ♪
Oh, shit, peonies!
I didn't know they were in season.
Neither did I. [LAUGHS]
I'm gonna have to pick up some
of those for the widow Santiago.
JOSH: Stu Camillo?
Stuart Gavin Camillo?
Ooh, who's that? Old flame?
No, it's a guy that I used to work with,
but I have no idea why he
would send me flowers.
Hmm, but why do you think
he might send you flowers?
I don't know.
I just thought he always
kind of hated me.
Objection. Speculation.
- Let's get into the real.
- PAUL: Yeah, hmm.
Why does this guy hate you?
I really don't know.
He was just always a dick to me.
Really? For no reason?
Wh... why do you care?
Don't you find it curious
that a man you considered "a dick"
would purchase this
tasteful floral arrangement?
Clearly this isn't a gas
station impulse buy.
Yeah, these are Majorcan peonies.
You know what the street
value of these are?
I don't. No.
12.50 a bulb.
Mm-hmm.
I think I'm gonna go upstairs
and lie down a little.
- This is all just sort of...
- Wait.
Don't you wanna write him
a thank you note first?
- What?
- PAUL: Yeah.
Etiquette dictates, when
someone sends you flowers,
- you write them a thank you.
- Since when?
Everyone knows you gotta write a note
before the last petal falls.
I don't wanna say anything to Stu.
Okay, fine, fine. I'll write it.
"Dear Stu,
thank you for the magnificent
Majorcan peonies."
Now I'd like to add something personal.
Maybe, like, a little inside
joke that you and Stu share.
- What would that be?
- What is the deal
with you guys and Stu?
I-I barely even knew the guy.
Whoa, hey. Calm down, man.
- We're all friends here.
- VINCENT: Yeah.
You're all getting defensive
about this Camillo fella.
- What does he have on you?
- Or you on him?
Nothing! I don't know what
the fuck you're talking about!
Answer our questions about Stu Camillo
- and this will all be over.
- Stop.
Stop! Stop walking at me!
[LIGHTING CRACKLES]
- Sup.
- Hey.
Die, resistance scum!
[BLASTERS FIRING]
- Who...
- Ninja star.
[BOTH GRUNT]
[GRUNTS]
[BOTH GRUNT]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪ ♪
I give that entrance...
Two stars.
What the hell is happening, guys?
Skarsgaard and Paul were Biotics?
- I thought we saved the future.
- We did.
It's the present that's in danger.
Your present.
Nice pj's. All right.
Before we blew up the Kronitorium,
Biotics executed murder protocol one.
Oh, I don't like how that sounds at all.
Yeah, no, you shouldn't.
They activated every Biotic
sleeper agent in the world
for one singular mission.
- Killing you.
- What?
Wh-wh-why? I'm being John Wicked?
They must have sent your picture out
before we blew up the lab.
Call it the last gasp
of a dying civilization.
Okay, but... but the future
you guys went back to...?
Oh, it's perfect.
Everything we dreamed of.
- Really?
- Yeah.
It's a utopia inside of a paradise.
We have robot butlers.
- Tiger, that's...
- No, don't worry. Don't worry.
Don't worry. They're
programmed not to turn on us.
Wow.
We... we saved the world.
You know, when I was in prison,
I-I hoped against hope
and... and it kept me going, but...
- But knowing for sure...
- [DOOR OPENS]
That makes everything we
went through worth it.
Yeah.
[DOOR CLOSES]
Wait. If the future was perfect,
then why... why'd you guys
come back for me?
'Cause you were in
trouble, little buddy.
TIGER: We... we looked up
what happened to you.
Oh, man, it was tough livin' our lives
knowing those two had
killed you so horrifically.
Yeah, you see, first rule
of murder protocol one
is to disrespect the body. So...
- Oh!
- WOLF: Yeah.
- TIGER: Mm.
- [EXHALES]
Where are my ears?
Oh, no, they're right...
- there... there they are.
- Yeah.
Right inside that.
- So...
- Oh, God. Okay.
No teammate of ours is
gonna die like that.
- No.
- No, no, no.
- Thank you, guys.
- Hey, do you have any food?
Yeah.
JOSH: Mmm, what the hell
did you do to these vegetables?
I poached 'em in duck fat.
Mmm.
That was so good.
I can't remember the last
time I had real food.
Well, get used to it.
I'm gonna be cooking
like this all the time.
Using fresh local
ingredients wherever we go.
Go?
I mean, shouldn't I be, like,
laying low and hiding out
if Biotics are hunting me?
And wait for them to come to us?
Fuck no. We're bringing
the fight to them.
Yeah, they're spread
all around the world.
From the white sand
beaches of Rio de Janeiro
to the Great Pyramids of Giza.
We're gonna go to all those places?
How... how many sleepers are left?
Well, after this little episode, 12.
Each in a location
more exotic than the last.
You know, I-I sort of just feel like
bringing me to them might be putting me
in, like, unnecessary danger, and...
Well, that's where things
get real interesting.
- Yeah.
- Because once you inject this,
they'll be the ones in danger.
CATG-6,
aka Globyplast Nine,
aka Super Serum 14.
It's gonna make you faster,
smarter, stronger,
and you'll be able to walk into a room
and feel instantly confident
no matter the situation.
[QUIETLY] Oh, yeah.
- Really?
- Yeah.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
This is awesome.
Ha, this is incredible.
We're gonna be kicking ass
side by side just the three of us.
- Well...
- Not exactly.
[WHIRRING, LIGHTNING CRACKLES]
[GROOVY MUSIC]
Got the shield-sphere up.
Should keep us off their
scanners for now.
They'll be four of us.
Meet Fox, new tech expert.
She may look like a nerd,
but you'll be glad to have her
when she hacks us into the Kremlin.
[GRUNTS]
[EXHALES]
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Hi. Futturman.
Josh Futturman.
Welcome to my time.
With a little bit of luck,
maybe it'll become yours.
I like the click of your keyboard.
But be careful, my spell
check doesn't miss a word.
Oh, we'll have to
antidisestablishmentarianism that.
- Serum's working.
- Instant chemistry.
All right, I triangulated the
location of our first target.
The ICEHOTEL in Helsinki.
Ah, yeah, I've always wanted to visit.
Well, you better pack
a parka and a tuxedo.
This is a shadow op. Threat level nine.
You two will be posing as newlyweds
infiltrating a Nordic sex cult.
Murder protocol one
dictates to kill on sight.
No questions asked.
We're really gonna
have to sell newlyweds
with insatiable sexual appetites.
Are you up for that?
I mean, yes, I will try.
♪ ♪
Wait. Did you say kill on sight,
- no questions asked?
- Yeah.
Because those two asked
me a bunch of questions.
- What're you talking about?
- This whole morning,
they could have just
killed me, and instead,
they asked me a bunch of
questions about Stu Camillo.
Why would they ask about Stu?
I don't know, but they
were extremely persistent.
No, I don't like this one bit.
What're they planning?
If they're breaking MP1,
it must be important.
Fox, hack into the Internet.
Find out everything you
can about Stu Camillo.
Already on it.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
You didn't tell 'em anything
important about Stu, did you?
Oh, no, no, no, I don't know
anything important about Stu.
- What does he have on you?
- Or you on him?
♪ ♪
- What does he have on you?
- Or you on him?
Uh, nothing. No, no, nothing.
Um...
but I did just remember that I...
I think I have a Patagonia
gift card upstairs in my room,
I'm gonna go grab it,
gear up for Helsinki.
Back in a jiff.
Okay, Futz.
I know you got it somewhere.
[MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC]
♪ ♪
Spoink!
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[PIG SQUEALS]
What the fuck is happening?
♪ ♪
Oh, Josh, come on.
We're finding all kinds of great
stuff here on the Internet.
Cool. Hey, um...
You know, I just thought of something
that actually might be
really useful about Stu.
Really, what?
It was something that
you told me that he told you
when you guys went on that date.
Remember? The whale watching date?
Yeah, well, he said a lot of things,
so what specifically?
Yeah, I can't remember.
You said it was something that
was really, really important,
and he told you right before
the humpback charged your boat.
Well, to be honest, after
I saw that angry spout,
- it just all went blank.
- Wrong.
You've never seen a spout.
You are never this nice to me.
And you?
You're Spoink girl.
What the fuck is going on?
Somebody give me some answers.
This will all be over soon.
Just tell us why you would
be a threat to Stu Camillo?
- You must know his weakness.
- Some of his secrets?
I don't know anything
about Stu Camillo, okay?
He's a tertiary character in my life.
- Tell us!
- He's tertiary!
- God damn it!
- Start talking.
- Now!
- He's tertiar...
He's tertiary!
♪ ♪
[SPUTTERING, GRUNTING]
I told you not to repeat
the question sequencing.
You made him suspicious.
Geez, you're worse than Hera.
- Don't compare me to Hera.
- Too late.
- I already did.
- JOSH: [GRUNTS]
How long until the simulation reboots?
I don't know. He glitched
the whole thing.
Glitched it? He crashed it.
[GRUNTS]
XENU: [GRUNTS]
Oh, shit.
SHIVA: We're gonna need Apollo.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[MACHINE WHOOSHING STEADILY]
♪ ♪
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
- ATHENA: It's okay.
- [GASPS]
You're safe now.
Let me get this neuro-cap off you.
You'll be a lot more comfortable.
- [MUMBLES]
- Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
[GRUNTS]
What the hell was that? Where am I?
That was a simulation
crafted from your own consciousness,
but controlled by outside operators.
And you are in a cave.
- [GRUNTS]
- ATHENA: Don't squirm.
It only makes the cerebro-derm stickier.
[GRUNTS]
I-I-I can't...
I can't remember coming here.
ATHENA: We had to remove
a small portion of your memory
so you would not suspect
you were in a sim.
[GRUNTS, BREATHES SHAKILY]
Don't worry. It's just spinal fluid.
♪ ♪
There. Good as new.
No, bad. Bad. Still bad.
Who... who are you?
What the fuck is going on?
My name is Athena
and I'm sorry you had
to go through that.
I assure you, it was
for your own safety.
The truth is so shocking,
we felt a simulation was a more
humane way to ease you into it.
I really think you should
lie down for this.
Just come on.
Okay.
I am from the future.
[DRAMATIC TONE]
And...
Okay.
My comrades and I traveled
back in time to find you
because we believe you may be
the only person with the
skills to save our world.
A savior. I know, it boggles the mind.
- [EXHALES]
- But you must believe me.
In 2026, Dr. Stu Camillo will create
a super-cure for all diseases,
leading to a global war...
Between the ones who receive
the cure and the ones who don't?
Well, yes, exactly, but there's no way
you could possibly know that.
Yeah, I know it because I lived it.
God damn it. It didn't work.
I don't understand.
[SOMBER MUSIC]
I fought...
I struggled, I suffered, I sacrificed,
I saw a girl's head get
blown up in my face,
and I end up in the exact same place.
♪ ♪
Okay, so... Stu is the new Kronish.
Same shit, different fucking timeline.
So you're a Time Warrior?
♪ ♪
Yeah.
Yeah, I guess you could say that.
Then you know the stakes we face.
The fate of humanity is in the balance.
- We need you.
- No.
You know, after spending a year
in the prison for the
criminally insane...
For apparently no reason...
I don't really feel like
being a savior anymore.
♪ ♪
I've upset you.
That's the last thing I wanted to do.
Rest.
[CHAINS RATTLING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Seriously?
Great way to treat
your savior. Thank you.
[SIGHS]
[EXHALES]
♪ ♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER PA]
[DOOR OPENS]
ATHENA: Here. Eat something.
I'm not hungry.
Being in the sim cranks your metabolism
14.6 times normal.
You're in a caloric freefall,
you risk hypo-auto-cannibalization.
Oh, all right. How about this?
How about I start by
gnawing on my fucking leg?
Why am I shackled to the bed?
The restraint is for your safety.
I once saw a man flail so violently
from post-sim hallucinations,
he shattered his femur.
The jagged bone ripped right
through the meat of his thigh.
All right, fine. Just leave it on.
Easy on the liquids.
The tranq we gave you can lead
to bladder control issues.
I play a lot of video games, okay.
- I have no problem holding my U.
- Understood.
You know, putting me in that sim
and making me think that I'd
saved the world was pretty mean.
We didn't make you think
you saved the world.
That part was a projection
of your own subconscious.
All we controlled were
the questions about Stu.
- You filled in the rest.
- So you...
You hijacked my brain
just to ask me questions
about Stu Camillo?
Yes, but the simulation
told us so much more.
We thought it was something you knew.
It turns out it's something you are.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
What am I?
ATHENA: That's what
we're here to find out.
There's a power in you greater
than any we've ever seen.
Like... like, a super power?
Exactly.
Now, I understand you've been through
something like this before,
and I know why you're
hesitant to try it again,
but if you'll join us, I promise you,
it'll be different this time.
You won't end up behind bars.
You'll end up in the history books
as the greatest hero
the world has ever known.
- And if I say no?
- We'll wipe your memory
and put you right back in prison.
- You can do that?
- Of course.
The only side effect would be
the lingering sensation
that something was off,
but you would never really
be able to tell what it was.
It would just be there gnawing at you,
never more than a shadow.
That... that sounds like
it would drive me insane.
♪ ♪
[SIGHS] Okay.
Okay, if I do this,
it is not to make it
into the history books.
It's to make sure there's still
a history to be written about.
Inside of history books.
Well said, Joosh.
So, does that mean you're in?
Call me Josh.
I'm in.
Welcome to the Pointed Circle.
Pointed Circle. That's a cool name.
Oh, that also...
Explains the, uh, pointed circle.
[INHALES] Yeah.
There are some others who are
going to want to meet you:
- Odin, Vishnu, Muluku, Xenu.
- Yeah, I, uh, would love
to meet the... the whole...
The whole gang.
And as a member of the Pointed Circle,
you'll need a code name as well.
Okay.
How does Jesus sound to you?
It's a little risky.
Mm, Allah?
- Yeah, Jesus is fine.
- ATHENA: Good.
Eat your supper.
I'll return soon with the others.
[EXHALES SLOWLY]
[PEEING] Oh.
Oh, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
Shit. Shit.
I can't meet Xenu like this.
This is disgusting.
[PLAYFUL DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Sheets.
♪ ♪
[GRUNTING]
ATHENA: Joosh is on board.
We need all techs working
on an upload machine.
XENU: You're so convinced this'll work,
but how do you know he's the one?
ATHENA: He crashed the simulation
in less than ten minutes.
We harness that power and use it
to bring down the entire system,
- then we strike.
- The attack is on Launch Day.
We'll need to weaponize him before then.
XENU: It'll take some time to
replicate the induction cortex.
You'll have to keep him calm till then.
- That won't be a problem.
- Okay.
'Cause this procedure
will 100% kill him.
- "Kill him"?
- ATHENA: Soldiers die
for lesser causes.
His death will be the first,
but it won't be the last.
A war is coming.
It's time we took back control.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Oh, God. They're gonna kill me.
[GRUNTING]
[DRIVING ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
♪ ♪
Lefty-loosey, righty-tighty,
lefty-loosey.
Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey.
[GRUNTS]
♪ ♪
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING,
MACHINE WHOOSHING STEADILY]
Nighty-night.
[GRUNTS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪ ♪
ATHENA: You left the door open?
[GROANS]
When they ripped out your tongue,
did they get your brain too?
- [MUFFLED SPEECH]
- ATHENA: You know what?
Don't. Spread out.
Search the halls.
He can't have gotten far.
Achilles will hear of this.
[TENSE MUSIC]
[SCOFFS] Jesus.
[EXCITING MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[CREAKING]
♪ ♪
SHIVA: God it stinks in here.
XENU: Yeah, I know.
This cave is nasty. I don't like it.
You know last week, I caught
Apollo pissing in that corner?
I do not let him near me.
♪ ♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
TTD.
MAN: Did you hear that?
Osiris, Ganesh, check that out.
♪ ♪
[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]
♪ ♪
Hachi machi.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
- _
- ♪
♪