Fuller House (2016–…): Season 2, Episode 11 - DJ and Kimmy's High School Reunion - full transcript

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

(SINGING) La, la la la la la Ooh

Whatever happened
to predictability?

The milkman, the
paperboy The evening TV

Ooh

Everywhere you look
Everywhere you go

There's a heart, a
hand to hold onto

Everywhere you look
Everywhere you go

There's a face Of
somebody who needs you

There's a heart
Everywhere you look

Yeah



When you're lost out
there And you're all alone

A light is waiting
to carry you home

Everywhere you look

La, la la la la la Oh...

Come on, Kimmy!

We don't want to be late
for our high school reunion!

This is killing me.

As much as I love
the dress I have on,

my old prom dress keeps blinking,
"Wear me, wear me, wear me."

Or, "Burn me, burn me, burn me."

It's a high school reunion,
Kimmy, not a '90s theme party.

Our entire lives are
a '90s theme party.

You know, it's such a
shame that Matt is still in India.

I mean, he's
missing all of this.



But I texted him some photos.

(GASPS) Did he
like your new dress?

Who said the dress was on?

Whoo! Was it?

Yes!

Oh, look! It's our
high school yearbook.

Oh. I totally forgot I was
voted, "Most Likely to Succeed,"

"Most Likely to Use
'Gosh' in a Sentence,"

and "Most Likely to
Marry Lance Bass."

Gosh, they were
wrong about that.

All I got was "Most Weirdest."

All because one time, I
ate a sandwich with my feet.

(GASPS) Oh, look at this picture
of me and Steve at Steve's prom.

We had such big dreams.

And big hair.

- Tonight's gonna be a great night.
- (CELLPHONE CHIMES)

For you.

- However, I will not be going.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What just happened?

Kathy Santoni just posted this
on our reunion Facebook page.

(READING)

Oh, that was senior ditch day.

Yep, we were partying in the hot
springs and some joker stole my clothes.

I spent the whole day
wearing a trash bag.

Nobody rocks a
Hefty bag like you.

Thanks, but you know darn well I was
the laughingstock of the whole school.

Well, just for a couple of weeks,
'cause then Lisa Wolf farted in Glee Club.

But who cares?

I mean, you have blossomed
into a wonderful mother

and a powerful,
independent businesswoman.

And let's not forget, my date is
the handsomest man in the world.

Kimberlina, are you sure

this is what men wear to high
school reunions in America?

I wanna make sure everybody
knows you're a hot race car driver.

Your job is to stand there all
night and be my man candy.

- I feel like a piece of beefcake.
- Mmm.

And I'm surprisingly
fine with it.

Ooh.

"Hit me, baby, one more time."

Hey.

- Hey.
- I have great news about the kids.

First of all, put your hands together
for the superstar of third grade,

Mr. Maxwell Fuller.

- (MUSIC PLAYING ON CELLPHONE)
- (ALL CHEERING)

- (LAUGHS)
- (MUSIC STOPS)

Guess who just got "Student of
the Month" for the eighth time? Bam!

- Whoo! Yeah!
- Nice!

Sometimes, during tests, I close one
eye just to make it more challenging.

And next, she's got moves like Jagger,
but she doesn't know who Jagger is.

Say hello to Ramona Gibbler.

- (MUSIC PLAYING ON CELLPHONE)
- (ALL APPLAUDING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

Guess who made the newspaper's
"Top 15 Dancers Under 15"?

Honey, that's incredible!

Not only did you make the newspaper,
you also know what a newspaper is.

And last, but not least, the newest
member of the Fuller Overachievers' Club,

Jackson Fuller.

(ALL CHEERING)

What, no music?

Oh, that was dancing?

Guess who got all
A's this semester?

(GASPS) Wow!

That's unbelievable.

I... I mean, it's not unbelievable,
it's just really surprising.

I mean, it's not surprising... I
mean, congratulations, honey.

Ah, thank you.

And tonight, Stephanie
is gonna throw

Stephanie's first annual gifted
student pizza party. (CHUCKLES)

Stephanie's gonna
need your credit card.

KIDS: Pizza party! Pizza party!

Pizza party!

(DOORBELL RINGS)

- It's always open!
- It's always open!

- Hey, you guys.
- Hi, you guys look great!

Deej, since you're going
to your class reunion

and it's at our old high school,

would you mind returning Lord
of the Flies to the library for me?

It's a little overdue. (SIGHS)

Steve, this was
due 22 years ago.

Yeah, if you could just,
like, sneak it onto the shelf,

you'd save me about
9 grand in late fees.

Steve, you're a naughty boy.

Maybe you should make me write,

"I'm a naughty boy" 100
times on the blackboard.

Maybe I will.

Maybe you should
take that outside.

Kimmy, you can do this. (SIGHS)

You are a strong, black woman.

No, you're not, but
you get the idea.

Look, there's Kathy Santoni.

Are you sure that's her?

Yes, look at those boobs!

- Kimmy? D.J.? Oh, it's so good to see you.
- Hi.

Hi.

Well, everybody's
already organized.

The nerds are by the punch bowl,

the stoners are over there,

and the two guys I dated
on the water polo team

are now married and making
out under the bleachers.

Hey, did you see
the picture I posted?

Oh. Yes. (CHUCKLES)

"Garbage Bag Gibbler."

Thank you for reminding me of
all the fun we had in high school.

Oh, I can't wait until our 40th,

so we can reminisce about
all the fun we had just now.

Come on, let's go watch Kimmy.

Welcome to the Bayview
High class of '9 5 reunion,

produced by Gibbler
Style Party Planning.

(ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

I'm Kimmy Gibbler.

- Garbage Bag Gibbler!
- (ALL LAUGH)

(LAUGHS)

Nobody remembers or cares about
some silly incident from 20 years ago.

Correction. Everybody
cares. (CHUCKLES)

Anyhoo, tonight we have
a celebrity in the house,

my fiancé, the most handsome
race car driver on the planet,

Fernando Hernandez-Guerrero-
Fernandez-Guerrero!

There is my man,
straight from work,

oh, where he drives a race car
and looks very debonair doing it.

Wait till you see
this handsome face.

(ALL GASP)

What is wrong with
you people? He's...

Oh, my God, you're a monster!

I have a funny story.

While I was waiting outside,

I was viciously attacked
by a gang of bees.

Perhaps I should not have passed
the time by tossing rocks at their hive.

I haven't looked in the mirror,

but I might be
slightly allergic.

I swear, he's gorgeous. You
should see him in his Speedo.

It is true, I am normally a
magnificent sight to behold.

Fernando, we have got
to get you to a hospital.

No, it's your big night.

I already called Lyft. It
is cheaper than Uber.

Are you sure?

Yes, I checked the prices.

Kimberlina, goodbye, I love you.

No, I'm D.J.!

Oh. I am sorry, my eyelids
are folding in on themselves.

Okay, um...

Moving on,

let's get this party started
with some '90s music.

(ALL CHEERING)

(CELLPHONE CHIMES)

Uh, but the DJ
is stuck in traffic.

(ALL GROAN)

Well, no worries,

I'll just plug in my phone
with my '90s playlist.

MAN: (ON RECORDING)
Kimberly, this is Dr. Shapiro.

You need to drink a lot of cranberry
juice to flush out your system,

and then, every two
hours, you can just...

(OVER PHONE)...apply the
cream directly to the affected area.

With any luck, you'll be back
in action by New Year's Eve.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Check it out, I finally made the fridge
with something other than a hand turkey.

How did you get all A's anyway?
I've never seen you study once.

Ramona, in America,
it's not about studying,

it's about dreaming big.

Again, how did you get all A's?

I asked myself
the same question.

"Max, how does a C student
become an A student overnight?"

And that's when I took a leisurely
stroll over to the printer-scanner-copier.

Jackson, little tip.

In the future, if you
wanna change your grades,

always remove the
original report card

from the printer-scanner-copier.

J'accuse!

What does "J'accuse" mean?

It means, "I accuse you," in French,
a language you claim to have an A in.

- Uh-huh.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey. Whoa.

Max.

Are you saying that Jackson
altered his report card?

Because that does not sound
like the honest kid that I...

Oh, yeah, he did it.

So what if I changed my grades?
Sorry I'm not good at test-taking.

Or at using the
printer-scanner-copier.

Fine.

Who cares about getting my
stupid report card on the stupid fridge,

where we keep our stupid
food and our stupid drinks.

I'm out of here. (SCOFFS)

Well, he definitely
gets an A in drama.

D.J. Tanner. The
girl that got away.

Oh, Nelson!

You look almost the same.

How are you?

House in Stinson
Beach and one in Maui,

and of course, there's
the chalet in Aspen.

I asked, "How are you?"

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you asked me,
"How many homes do you have?" (CHUCKLES)

I see you're here solo.

Good news, I'm
flying solo myself.

Oh, good for you.

Gulfstream G6.

I thought you asked how I
was flying solo. (CHUCKLES)

Hey, Deej, is this
Poindexter bothering you?

- Viper?
- Hey.

Gosh, what a surprise.

Deej, you look even better
than you did in high school.

And you looked good in
high school. (CHUCKLES)

And you didn't even
go to our high school.

What are you doing here?

Well, I came here to see you.

You're the one that got away.

Hey, I said that first.

So, anyway, I'm
still playing in a band.

And I got a day
job at Foot Locker.

My boss is a real tool, he
makes me buy him beer.

I see you're still full
of wasted potential.

Hey.

How did you know I was wasted?

And now I remember why
I broke up with both of you.

Excuse me, I'm gonna go mingle.

- Great, I'll come with you.
- No, I'll come with you.

Uh, no, you won't,
because she's with me.

No, bro. She's with me.

Actually, guys, she's with me.

- Steve?
- Steve?

Steve?

Yep. My name's Steve.

Now if you'll excuse me, my girl
and I would like some time alone.

Thank you.

Can you believe
she picked that guy?

Well, he was captain
of the wrestling team.

And currently, one of the
Bay Area's leading podiatrists.

You can't compete with that.

Steve, what are you doing here?

Kimmy texted me, she said you
were in desperate need of an escort.

Aw, you showed up to rescue me.

Just like you did at my prom.

Hey, Deej, you wanna see if our
names are still on the gym floor?

Oh, there's no way.

(GASPS) Oh, Mylanta!

You know, I carved
that on our first date.

I knew you were a keeper.

I knew you were, too.

Why did we ever break up?

Well, that was my biggest
regret in high school.

And I wound up
dating those two bozos.

(GROANING)

I am so glad that you're here,
you just made my whole night.

Okay, everyone, in
case you were concerned,

Fernando is
breathing on his own.

Okay, let's party!

(ALL CHEERING)

(MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)

(ALL LAUGHING)

Somebody get this
woman a garbage bag.

(ALL CONTINUE LAUGHING)

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Hey.

I'm very busy.

Clearly.

Do you mind if I take a moment
out of your busy schedule?

All right.

Why did you change your grades?

'Cause mine sucked.

They didn't suck,
they were just average.

Well, except for the D.

And I don't know why they
gave you a D in woodshop

because that is a
beautiful birdhouse.

It's a spice rack.

Well, in case you hadn't noticed,
everybody in this family is a superstar.

Well, except me.

I get it.

You just wanna feel special.

Everybody wants that.

(SCOFFS) Well, great.

Not even my
feelings are special.

- You're being too hard on yourself.
- Really?

Then name one
thing I'm great at.

You are a great friend to Cosmo.

He adores you.

Okay, that was
really bad timing.

Let's just admit it.

I'm not great at anything.

And I never will be.

(VOICE BREAKING) 'Cause
nothing about me is special.

Oh, Jackson, don't say that.

Just, please, leave me alone.

(SIGHS)

Okay.

Excuse me, have you seen a
frazzled-looking woman wearing Spanx?

Oh!

I am sorry everyone
saw you in your Spanx.

This reunion is
a total disaster.

My dress tore off, my fiancé
looks like the Elephant Man,

and everybody knows I
have a urinary tract infection.

(BEEPING)

- Smile.
- (CAMERA CLICKS)

We can go home right now. Whatever
you wanna do, I'm here for you.

Well, I can't leave, I still have
to pay the caterer and lock up.

- (BEEPING)
- She-Wolf.

- (BOTH HOWL)
- (CAMERA CLICKS)

I hope you're having a
better night than I am.

Well, I'm having a pretty
great time with Steve.

I mean, a really great time.

Maybe too great of a time.

- (BEEPING)
- Goofy face.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

It's so confusing.

I don't know if I'm having
real feelings for Steve

or I'm just getting caught
up in all the nostalgia.

But maybe Steve's still
in my life for a reason.

I think you should go
out there and talk to him.

And then let me know
when everyone's gone.

I'll be hiding behind
the dumpster.

- (BEEPING)
- BFFs.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

Jackson, we need you.

JACKSON: No, you don't.

Lola's here.

Coming.

Hey, Lola. What
are you doing here?

Your family said you wouldn't
come downstairs unless I came over.

(SIGHS) Okay, I'm
going back upstairs.

Nah, uh-huh. Hold on.

All right, we just wanna talk
to you. Please, have a seat.

(SIGHS)

(BLARES FANFARE)

It's time for the Jackson
Fuller Award Show,

where we give awards
to Jackson Fuller.

RAMONA: I'll go first.

Jackson, when I first moved
in, you were so sweet to me.

You even gave me your bedroom.

No, I didn't, my mom
took it away from me.

And then I got so mad
that I ran away from home.

But eventually, you gave me your
room, and that was very nice of you.

So, that's why this is for you.

Best New Brother 2016.

Is that a ballerina?

It is.

Because you are tutu sweet.

Get it?

Yeah, I get it. Can
I go now, please?

I have to tell you a story.

A long, long time ago,

I was seven.

And there was a
monster in my closet.

Everyone told me I
was nuts, except you.

You believed me!

And then you caught the
monster in a pillowcase

and put him out with the trash.

So?

So, you saved my life.

And opened up more closet space.

And that's why I
present you with this.

This is Cosmo's certificate
from obedience school.

And now it's yours.

Thanks, I guess.

Wait, hold on.

This little guy told
me to tell you a secret.

He said that you're the best
brother ever, but not to tell Max.

He also said that you give
the best tickles in the world.

So, come on,
give the kid a thrill.

Come on, I woke him up for this.

(SIGHS)

The kid's an easy laugh. He
thinks that light bulbs are hysterical.

I didn't really have
anything prepared,

but you're my first
boyfriend and I am very picky.

I think you're awesome and
you're a really good kisser.

I am? (CHUCKLES)

Wow! I feel so much better!

Why didn't we
just start with Lola?

You see?

When it comes to being a great boyfriend,
a great brother and a great nephew,

you get an A-plus.

The way you make people feel
is what makes you really special.

Thanks.

Really? I'm a good kisser?

Ocupado.

I'm not sure you remember
me, but we almost got married.

Dwayne?

The "Whatever" guy?

Yeah, that's me, I didn't have the
most expansive vocabulary back then.

It's so good to see you.
What have you been up to?

Well, I went to Harvard and then
I became a motivational speaker.

I took my lame catchphrase, "Whatever,"
and turned it into an entire world view.

It's all about saying "Whatever"
to any obstacle that life gives you.

Kimmy Gibbler,

your entire class is making
fun of you? Whatever.

Your fiancé got stung by
bees and looks grotesque?

Whatever.

Your Spanx are
trending? Whatever!

Thank you, Dwayne. I'm
gonna go turn this night around.

(CHUCKLES) Whatever.

(MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)

- That's our song, Everything I Do.
- In parentheses, (I Do It For You.)

- From our favorite movie, Robin Hood.
- Colon, Prince of Thieves.

- May I?
- You may.

(SINGING) Look into my eyes

You will see

What you mean to me

Search your heart

Search your soul

And when you find me there

You'll search no more

Don't tell me it's
not worth trying for

You can't tell me
it's not worth dying for

You know it's true

Everything I do

I do it for you

Aw, all these old
memories are coming back.

And old feelings, too.

Deej, there's something I
need to talk to you about.

There's something I need
to talk to you about, too.

I'll go first.

I'm gonna propose to CJ.

Or you could go first.

(SIGHS) CJ has everything
I'm looking for in a partner.

She's caring and
funny and beautiful.

All the things I treasured about
you when we were together.

Thank you.

Look, um, to be honest,

I started dating CJ because
she reminded me of you.

Now I love her for who she is.

And if I learned anything
from our relationship, it's that

you can't let a
good thing slip away.

Yeah, I've been
thinking about that, too.

So, um...

I guess I'm gonna propose.

Unless you can think of
a reason why I shouldn't.

(SONG CONTINUES PLAYING)

I can't think of one.

You okay?

Yeah.

(CHUCKLES) I'm just...
I'm so happy for you and CJ.

I'm so happy for you and Matt.

We just have to promise
that no matter what happens,

we'll always stay friends.

Because I love you.

I love you, too.

Deej, I'm back.

Kimmy, what are you doing?

Embracing my inner "Whatever."

I'm using that
correctly, aren't I?

(CHUCKLING) Whatever.

FERNANDO: Kimberlina,
it's me, Fernando.

I had a feeling.

What are you doing?

I wanted to come back, but I
did not want to attract attention.

- Take your bandages off.
- But what if you find me repugnant?

I'm wearing a garbage bag,
we're way past repugnant.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Okay, everyone, gather around

and get your pictures
of Garbage Bag Gibbler

and Freak Show McBeesting.

Because I'm not here
to impress you people,

I'm here to have a great
night with my best friend

and my beautiful fiancé.

So, whatever.

Even back in high school, you
were never afraid to be weird.

You're the bravest
person I know.

To Kimmy Gibbler.

What are they doing?

Oh, it's the slow clap.

It means the nerdy outsider is
finally accepted by the cool kids

and the movie's almost over.

Oh! What a relief. In Argentina, it
means you're about to be executed.

(ALL APPLAUDING)

- (SONG REPLAYS ON SPEAKERS)
- Oh.

I know we've heard this before, but
I only have two songs on my phone.

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

English -SDH