Full House (1987–1995): Season 5, Episode 3 - Take My Sister, Please - full transcript

Hurry up.

I'm coming, Michelle.

[HICCUPS]

That was a big one.

All right, stay cool.

Now, the Katsopolis
cure for hiccups

never, never fails.

What you gotta do is flap
your arms like a chicken

and wiggle your
eyes like Groucho.

This has nothing
to do with a cure.

I was trying to see if you
were dopey enough to do it.



Heh, heh. All right,
now, here's the real cure.

What you do is
take a sip of water.

Okay, now. Now, now, okay.

Now, what you gotta do
is say the magic words:

Have mercy.

Have mercy.

See that?

[HICCUPS]

All right, we'll go to the cure

recommended by the New
England Journal of Medicine.

[SCREAMS] [GASPS]

That wasn't very nice.

I'm telling Daddy.

Come on, I'm
just trying to help.



Don't get me in trouble
here. It worked, didn't it?

[HICCUPS]

Dad!

[JESSE FREDERICK'S
"EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK" PLAYING]

♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh ♪

♪ Ahhh ♪

♪ Whatever happened
to Predictability? ♪

♪ The milkman, the paperboy ♪

♪ Evenin' TV? ♪

♪ How did I get
Delivered here? ♪

♪ Somebody tell me, please ♪

♪ This whole world's
Confusin' me ♪

♪ Flowers as mean ♪

♪ As you've ever seen ♪

♪ Ain't a bird Who
knows your tune ♪

♪ Then a little voice
Inside you whispers: ♪

♪ "Kid, don't sell your
dreams So soon" ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪

♪ A hand to hold on to ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ There's a face ♪

♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ When you're lost out
there And you're all alone ♪

♪ A light is waitin'
To carry you home ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

♪ Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa ♪

[♪♪♪]

Okay, Chapter 6.

What do we know about Jefferson?

He owns a cleaning store,
and he's married to Weezie.

Don't mind Kimmy. She has a
seat reserved in summer school.

So, Rick, are you
free this weekend?

I know D.J.'s free this weekend.

Very subtle, Kimmy.

Well, uh, I don't
have any plans.

But, hey, you know they're
opening a new roller coaster

on Saturday night
at Thrill Mountain.

The Squirminator.

Well, that's this weekend
when we're both free.

Yeah, that's not obvious.

You know, I was thinking
that maybe you and I could...

Hey, you must be
Rick. The Rickmeister,

Rickarama,

the Rickshaw man,
Rikki-Tikki-Tavi.

Um, my annoying little
sister was just leaving.

No, your adorable
little sister was

just making herself comfortable.

[SIGHS]

Uh... Hey. Wait a minute.

Uh, moment, please.

Can we talk?

Ju... Just a... How... rude!

So, Rick, where were we?

You nutty teenagers are
always goofing around.

As if you didn't want
me in my own room.

[LAUGHS]

Bye-bye.

Um, so, Rick, we were just
talking about Thrill Mountain.

Thrill Mountain? I
love Thrill Mountain.

Deej, remember
the time you threw up

on the Wild Weasel?

No.

How could you forget?

You were pigging
out on corn dogs,

and they had to stop the ride
for 30 minutes to hose it down.

Well, sounds like you're not
ready for the Squirminator.

I gotta go. I'll see you
in school tomorrow.

Bye, Rickmonster.

Rickatoni, Rickory-dickory-dock.

Stephanie, you
ruined everything.

Rick was just
about to ask me out.

Maybe he'll ask
you out tomorrow.

Oh, sure.

By tomorrow, he'll find someone
who can hold her corn dogs.

They'll fall in love
on the Squirminator,

and I'll end up
desperate and alone.

You'll never be alone.
You'll always have me.

I don't want you.

You are always in my way.

I'm getting my own room.

You, little sister, are history.

Come on.

The Deejenizer.

The Dijon mustard.

Come on, you're just kidding.

Hey, sweetheart. Hi, honey.

How you doin'? Mm-hmm... good.

How are my little
twinsters doing?

Fine. What'd you get me?

Just what you wanted,
salt-and-vinegar potato chips.

Oh, honey, is that
what I asked for?

Because I really have a craving

for garlic-and-cheddar
chips. Mmmm...

Well, I had a feeling you
might change your mind.

Especially after the second
time you paged me at the market.

So I got every chip...

Every chip known to man.

It's the pregnancy variety pack.

Oh, honey, you
are so thoughtful.

You didn't happen to get
any with ridges, did you?

Ridge... What's the
big deal about ridges?

It's like... It's
like a potato chip

that needs to be ironed.

Honey, those ridges help you
scoop up a lot more bean dip.

Oh, no, the bean dip, I forgot.

You know what? That's
okay. It doesn't matter.

We have to set up for our
childbirth class right now.

Right.

You can shop for bean
dip after class is over.

Oh, goody.

Whoa, a million billion chips
and nobody in the kitchen?

Aw, nuts, childproof.

You need to move
all this furniture.

Okay, see you, guys.

Have a good time. Nice class.

You guys are welcome
to stay for childbirth class.

It's really interesting.

Oh, we'd love to, Becky,

but darn our luck, we're
stuck with these two tickets

to the Warriors game.

Yeah, those are the
breaks. Let's roll, buddy.

Okay, pal.

Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Guys, this is Lisa Green.

She teaches our
childbirth class.

Hi, Lisa.

I'm Danny Tanner,
your eager student.

Enjoy the game, Joey.

Hi, I'm Joey Gladstone,
ex-Warriors fan.

[CHUCKLES]

Nice meeting you both,
but in order to join our class,

one of you has to be pregnant.

Well, I have been retaining
an awful lot of water lately.

Heh, heh, heh. That's funny.

Actually, I'm just
taking the class

in case Jesse passes
out in the delivery room

and Becky needs a backup coach.

And I'll be there to back up
Danny when he passes out.

Well, okay. You're
welcome to stay and observe.

That's great, because I have

a lot of questions
about childbirth.

Like, uh, for instance, uh,

are you and your husband
planning any children?

Actually, I'm single.

[AS DAFFY DUCK]
Well, what a coincidence.

So am I.

Daffy Duck.

No, he just spits when he talks.

It's... Be a tough
choice for you.

Dad, Uncle Jesse, Joey,

may I please see you
guys in the kitchen?

Actually, I'm kind
of busy, honey.

Is it really important?

Dad, this is my
biggest crisis this week.

Okay, we're coming. Excuse us.

Pull it open, Comet.

These are doggie-proof too.

DANNY: Michelle.

Honey, did you take these
potato chips without asking?

I told you we
would get in trouble.

Ugh, excuse me, if I
may have your attention.

I'd like to make a very
important presentation entitled:

"My Own Room: Together
We Can Make It Happen."

The first point I'd
like to make is that...

Don't listen to her!

Thank you, Stephanie, you've
just illustrated my first point:

Interruptions.

I cannot talk on the phone,

do my homework, or entertain
my friends without her...

That's ridiculous. I do not...

Steph, let's hear
what D.J. has to say,

and then you'll get
your chance to interrupt.

That's all I ask.

Moving on to my next point:

Two different worlds.

I go to high school,
land of maturity.

Stephanie and Michelle
go to elementary school.

Tiny Town.

Now, they share a school,
they should share a room.

I object!

I happen to be in fourth grade
and have nothing in common

with a kindergarten
baby like Michelle.

Who are you
calling a baby, baby?

Children, please.

To bring up my next point:

Strange but true facts.

Stephanie and Michelle
are the exact same ages

Stephanie and I were when
we started sharing a room.

Isn't that amazing?

That is amazing. It's
like that thing where

Kennedy had a
secretary named Lincoln

and Lincoln had a
secretary named Kennedy.

What's amazing is you're able
to dress yourself every morning.

In conclusion, I've paid my
dues, and I deserve my own room.

If there's any justice in this
world, then you'll set me free.

Gentlemen, I thank you.

Okay. Steph, do
you have a rebuttal?

No, but you should
hear my side of this.

Please don't make me
live with a 4-year-old baby.

I'm not a baby. I'm
4 and three-quarters.

You're still a little shrimp.

Stop calling me
names, you cheesehead.

Okay, that's enough, you two.

Just give us guys a second,
and we're gonna talk this over.

[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]

Can I see chart
Number 2...? Get in here.

Okay, we've come to a decision.

Dad, that's so unfair.

You haven't heard
what I have to say yet.

Sorry, just a habit.

It just so happens
that we agree with you.

You do? You do?

Yep. Starting this weekend,

Michelle is gonna
move in with Stephanie,

and D.J., you're gonna
get your own room.

Finally, my own room!
I have to go tell Kimmy.

Thank you. Thank you, thank you.

Nice knowing you, kid.

Hey, guys, Lisa needs
some help setting up.

Any volunteers?

Danny?

Honey, I'm a little chilly.

Could you get my wool socks?

But all our winter stuff
is up in the crawlspace.

I'd have to crawl up
there, get all dirty and...

Thank you, sweetheart.

No problem, darling.

Two more months.
Just two more months.

Well, Michelle, I guess
it's just you and me.

I don't wanna live with you.

Why not? You look up to me.

That's because I'm short.

Michelle, we're
gonna be roommates.

This should be the
happiest day of your life.

Read my lips:

Nobody wants to live with me.

Comet, you don't
know what it's like

to have everyone against you.

Well, if D.J. and Michelle
don't wanna live with me,

I'll just find a
place of my own.

Thanks for the offer,

but it might be a little
crowded in your doghouse.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

Cleansing breath.

Okay, let's all take
out our focus objects.

Remember, this is
what the mothers will be

concentrating on during labor.

Here you go, babe.
Focus on the King.

Jess, when you give birth,

you focus on the King.

All right.

Better?

Much.

Our last exercise
will be deep breathing

with our focus objects.

Okay, try it again. Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Okay, keep going.

Hi there. Hi.

You know, uh, if I
seem a little advanced,

it's because I've already
been through four births.

My three daughters
and, of course, my own.

You know, seeing my
three girls being born

was the most beautiful
experience of my life.

Yeah, tell me about it.

When Fred and Wilma had
Pebbles, I cried for a week.

[AS FRED FLINTSTONE]
Yabba-dabba-do!

I love those voices you do.

You know, uh,

I do a few cartoon
voices myself.

[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Hey,
stop chasing me, you mean cat.

That was really good. Thanks.

Who was that?

That was Tom, you know, the
little mouse from Tom and Jerry.

Tom was the cat.
Jerry was the mouse.

And neither one
of 'em ever talked.

Get a life.

Joey's right.

I mean, Jerry is a
mouse that never talks.

But what is fascinating is that

Mickey, he's also a mouse,

and he can just talk
for hours on any subject.

Yeah, yeah, like
Pluto, for instance.

I mean, this guy's a dog.

He wears a dog collar
and lives in a doghouse.

Yet Goofy, who's also a dog,

drives a car, plays golf
and lives in a condo.

[GOOFY LAUGH]

That is exactly what
I was talking about.

You know what? You two are
actually perfect for each other.

I'm sorry I tried
to pick you up.

I'll be, uh, right over here.

Lis, would you like to go out

for pizza sometime?

I'd love to go out with you.

Just as soon as class is over.

Class is over.
BECKY: Snack time.

All right, here's a
little snack for you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Watch out, guys,
it's feeding time.

Mmm, honey, you know
what I just got a craving for?

A nice slice of
seedless watermelon.

Doesn't that sound
good? Oh, yeah.

[ALL CHATTERING EXCITEDLY]

Watermelon's out
of season right now.

I'd probably have to
go to Mexico to get it.

Well, you've got a car.

Do you believe this, guys?

She... She'd send me to Mexico
to get her seedless watermelon.

I mean, do you believe
this? [MEN CHATTERING]

Well, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

We shouldn't have to send them.

They should be happy to go.

Yeah. Right. Yeah.

Ho-ho-hold it, baby boomers.

Now, going to the market and stuff
like that, that's fine. I'd go for that.

But leaving the country
to get watermelon

because you have some
kind of wacky craving,

that's where I draw the line.

[MEN CHATTERING]

Next thing you know, she's
gonna want Swiss chocolate.

Ooh, that does sound good.

[WOMEN CHATTERING]

I'm not going to Switzerland.

Jess, you're missing the point.

It's not about where you go.

It's about you guys
being there for us.

I mean, okay, so maybe
we're a little overemotional.

And maybe we do
get a little demanding.

But that's because our
hormones are running wild.

I mean, we're happy, we're sad,

we're hot, we're
cold, we're huge!

And all we want are
ridgy potato chips

and a nice slice
of juicy watermelon

with a side of Swiss chocolate.

[SOBBING] Now, is that too
much to ask? I don't think so!

No, sweetheart,
no, no, no, I'm sorry.

It's not too much to ask.

I know the babies depend
on you for everything,

so you should be able to
depend on me, I'm sorry.

Oh, Jess, what's wrong with me?

I mean, you're so
patient and understanding,

and I don't deserve you.

No, no, you do. You deserve me.

She deserves me, right, guys?

[CHATTERING]

Yeah, now you
wanna be my friend.

I'm gonna be normal
again someday, right?

Heh, heh. I hope so.

May I help you?

Just measuring my new
room. Kimmy was right.

There is enough
room for a hot tub.

No so fast, sister.
This is still my room.

Michelle, you heard Dad.
You're moving in with Stephanie,

and I'm getting this
room all to myself.

You just stay in your
room. Stephanie moved out.

No, she didn't. Yes, she did.

No, she didn't. Yes, she did.

No, she didn't. Yes, she did.

Why am I arguing
with a 4-year-old?

I'm 4 and three-quarters!

You're right. She's gone.

Duh!

Well, where did she go?

Follow me.

Stephanie?

Did someone forget how to knock?

Stephanie, what are
you doing in here?

I live here. Isn't it cool?

I turned the sink
into a wet bar,

the tub into a waterbed,

and I'm thinking of turning
the toilet into a love seat.

Hi, girls.

Is there something
you wanna tell me?

Stephanie lives
in the potty now.

Oh, really?

Well, I love what you've
done with the place.

Thanks. I've got the
cable guy coming Tuesday.

Honey, why did you move in here?

Because I've got
no place else to go.

D.J. and Michelle don't
wanna live with me.

Girls, I don't like
what I'm hearing.

Maybe we should just rethink

this whole idea of
changing rooms.

No, no, no rethinking.

Your original
thinking was perfect.

Just give me a chance
to work this all out.

Okay, Deej.

Heck, you've had enough
Dad talks over the years.

I think I've given
you enough wisdom

to handle this on your own.

Thanks, Dad. I won't
mention how important

it is to treat each other
with respect... I got it.

I'm sorry, these Dad
talks are hard to give up.

Why don't you say
we just skip the speech,

go straight to the hugs,
and we'll all start packing?

No, thank you.

Michelle.

Great start, Deej.

Dad would be proud.

Oh, would you mind closing
the door on your way out?

Steph, come on. I've
given you five years.

Give me five minutes.

Fine, five minutes.

Ready. Go.

Steph, I know we
can work this out.

We always work things out.

Yeah, but this
time it's personal.

Steph, we've been through
way too much together

to throw it away now.

We've laughed. We've cried.

We weren't just roommates.
We were soul mates.

Very touching.

Four minutes.

Steph, if you stay in here
this could ruin everything.

Is this some kind of
revenge because I've been

such a terrible sister?

No.

You've been a great sister.

That's why I don't
want you to leave.

If you go, I'll miss everything.

Listening in on
your phone calls,

hearing if you got a
date for the weekend,

then reading your
diary to see how it went.

Steph, I'll be
right down the hall.

You can visit me
whenever you want.

My door is always open.

Unless it's closed,
and then you knock.

But it won't be the same.

No, not exactly the same.

You're gonna be the
big sister in the room.

Michelle's gonna look up to
you just like you looked up to me.

But one thing will never change.

I'll always be your big
sister, and I'll always love you.

I'll always love you, too, Deej.

Now that we have the
old team back together,

maybe between the two of
us we can outsmart Michelle.

Piece of cake.

Michelle, can we come in?

MICHELLE: Whose room is this?

It's your room.

Okay, come in.

Welcome to my room.

Michelle, if you don't move,

you're missing out on
a wonderful experience.

Living with Stephanie was
the happiest time of my life.

Then why don't you keep her?

Well, um, I've been
happy long enough.

It's time for you to be happy.

This is my gift to you.

Michelle,

why don't you
wanna live with me?

Because you called
me a kindergarten baby.

I'm sorry.

What I meant to say was,
"You're in kindergarten, baby!"

Nice try.

Come on, if you live with me,
I'll give you a bag of cookies.

Okay, I'll live with you.

Really?

You're lucky I love cookies.

Well, Michelle, now
that we're living together,

I only have one rule.

I'm the boss. No, I'm the boss.

No, I'm the boss.
No, I'm the boss.

Oh, this is beautiful.
[GIRLS CHATTERING]

You two were
made for each other.

I'm the boss. I'm the boss.

No, I am. No, I am.

No, I'm the boss.
No, I'm the boss.

Yes.

♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

[♪♪♪]