Full House (1987–1995): Season 5, Episode 10 - Happy Birthday, Babies: Part 2 - full transcript

[JESSE FREDERICK'S
"EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK" PLAYING]

♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

♪ Ahhh ♪

♪ Whatever happened
To predictability ♪

♪ The milkman The paperboy ♪

♪ Evenin' TV? ♪

♪ How did I get
Delivered here? ♪

♪ Somebody tell me, please ♪

♪ This whole world's
Confusin' me ♪

♪ Flowers as mean
As you've ever seen ♪

♪ Ain't a bird Who
knows your tune ♪



♪ Then a little voice
Inside you whispers: ♪

♪ "Kid, don't sell your
dreams So soon" ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪

♪ A hand to hold on to ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ There's a face ♪

♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ When you're lost out
there And you're all alone ♪

♪ A light is waitin'
To carry you home ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

♪ Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa ♪



[♪♪♪]

Okay, kids, are
we ready to start

Michelle's fifth birthday party?

ALL: Yeah!

Wait a minute.

This is a Flintstones
caveman party.

Cave people never say "yea!"

They say "ooga-ooga."

How do you know
they said "ooga-ooga"?

Because I'm Wilma
Flintstone. I was there.

Now, if we all say "ooga-ooga,"

I bet we can get the rest
of my Bedrock buddies

to show up.

ALL: Ooga-ooga!

[AS BARNEY RUBBLE] Yeah,
"ooga-ooga" everybody. Hi, I'm Barney.

This is Betty.
We're the Rubbles.

Heh-heh-heh.

[ALL LAUGH]

And now, to meet the world's
only housebroken dinosaur,

Dino.

Boom-shaka-laka-laka,
Boom-shaka-laka-laka,

Boom-shaka-laka-laka,
Boom-shaka-laka-laka,

Boom-shaka-laka-laka,
Boom-shaka-laka-laka,

Boom.

What kind of dinosaur are you?

I'm a tidyosaurus.

Please, kids, whatever you
do, keep the cave floor clean.

[CHATTER]

Wilma!

Would you give me a hand
picking up these crumbs?

My arms haven't evolved yet.

Ooga-ooga, Dino.
You know what, Dad?

The kids love all the
props you got to borrow

from the station.

Ah, Deej, it was real
sweet of you to dress up

and play along like this.

Well, just remember, when
I get my driver's license,

I have two words
for you: red Porsche.

Well, I have two
words for you: bus pass.

All right, all right, cave kids,

uh, it's time to
bring out our favorite

5-year-old cave babe,
Michelle "Pebbles" Tanner.

ALL: Ooga-ooga! Ooga-ooga!

This is Comet, my
pet stegosaurus.

That's not a stegosaurus.

That's a golden retriever.

You got a bad attitude.

Hey, we're missing somebody.

How can we be a modern stone-age
family without Fred Flintstone?

I wouldn't do this for
anyone but Michelle.

Wilma!

BECKY: I'm not Wilma.

Just practicing.

Jess, I think it's time.

I know, put on your costume.

You're gonna make
a great pregosaurus.

I'm gonna go get my club.

No, I mean, I think it's
time to have the babies.

No.

I think so.

Get out of here.

I really do.

No.

I think so.

Get out of here.

Jess, get a grip.
It's happening.

You know that indigestion
I've been having?

Yeah, from Joey's Cocoa
Puff omelets. I got it too.

Yeah, my pangs of indigestion
are now coming 10 minutes apart.

Ow, so are mine.

Jess, it's not indigestion.

I know it's three weeks
early, but I'm going into labor.

What am I going into?

I don't know. Maybe you're
having sympathy pains.

No, honey, this is impossible.
We're not ready to have kids.

I didn't finish the nursery.
I haven't picked out names

or practiced the hospital drill.

You can't possibly be going into
labor because I'm not ready yet.

Well, ready or not,
here they come.

No.

Yes.

Get out of here.

Jess, we've already
played this game.

Now, come on, I am
ready to have our babies.

[CHUCKLES]

Have mercy!

Oh, hey, we gotta
get to the hospital.

You know what? Hey,
whoo. See, I'm gonna be cool.

I'm not gonna be like
those jerk husbands

who get crazy and nuts because
their wife's going into labor.

I'm gonna be very
calm, cool and collected,

because, hey, babe,
I'm there for you.

I'll pack.

[CRACKING] Ready.

Here, grab an end.

Hon, we're having a
baby, not going to Europe.

Oh, you're right, we
gotta lose something.

All right, which
do you like better?

The blue silk or, say,
the black rhinestones?

Ah, for childbirth?
Uh, the blue silk.

See, that's what I would've
gone for, the blue silk. Huh?

Jess, I've been
packed for six months,

so let's just go.

Come on, let's go.
Here we go. Okay.

[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
Okay. Kids, that's enough.

That's enough. We've
had a lot of fun, haven't we?

I'm losing my
balance, kids. Ooh.

Kids. Wh...

[NORMAL VOICE]
That's enough, I mean it.

[AS BARNEY RUBBLE] Okay,
okay. Uh, clubs down, kids.

Sorry, Dino boy.

I-I guess having a dinosaur hunt

wasn't such a
hot idea after all.

[LAUGHS]

Everybody, this is it. Becky's
ready to have the twins.

No.

Really? Get out of here.

Don't start that again.

It's true. I'm gonna
have the babies.

At my party? This is better
than Chuck E. Cheese.

Let's go, we gotta get
to the hospital. Carry this.

Girls, help your
aunt out. The car.

Hey look, a dorkasaurus.

DANNY: Out of the way, Kimmy.

Let's go, come on, you guys.

Becky's having her twins.

Oh, I can help. My
hamster just had triplets.

There's nobody here but us kids?

That could never happen.

It's true, we're home alone.

Aagh!

ALL: Aagh!

Let's eat birthday cake!

Wait!

First, I need to make a wish
and blow out the candles.

Is anybody allowed
to play with matches?

ALL: No.

Me neither. I'll
have to pretend.

Enough already. Cut the cake.

Is anybody allowed
to use a knife?

ALL: No.

I'll cut the cake.
I take karate.

Hi-yah!

Let's pig out!

[ALL GIGGLING]

Oh, no, we're too late.

Uh, sorry, Michelle, with
all the new baby excitement

I completely forgot about
you and your friends.

That's okay. Have some cake.

Mm, have some cake. Mm.

[♪♪♪]

All right, clear the path.

Woman in labor here.
Move, move, move it, move it!

Jess, why don't you just
stick a sign on my back

that says "wide load"?

You're three weeks early. I
didn't have time to make one.

We need a wheelchair.
We need a wheelchair, ple...

Oh, hey, look at that,
Doogie Howser. Excuse me.

Here we go, sit down
here in the wheelchair.

Forgive him, he's
basically lost it.

All right. Hey, excuse me.

Pardon me, we need
some service here.

Well, how long have
you been walking erect?

Very funny. Look,
I'm having twins here.

I need some service. Can
you call a bellhop or something?

Would you like a poolside
room or an ocean view?

Honey, would you like a
poolside room or an ocean view?

Jess, she was kidding.

[SCOFFS] I knew that.

Fill out these forms.

I mean, would you
care to register?

Sorry I'm late.

I had a little trouble
getting my tail

through the revolving door.

KIMMY: Mr. T,
people are staring.

Lose the lizard suit.

Why should I?

I look fabulous in lavender.

And I'm really
into this character.

The truth is, I'm not
wearing any pants.

You're not wearing any pants?

Gross!

Kimmy, do me a favor.

Call home and tell
'em everything's okay.

You got a quarter?

Where would I keep it?

Just call collect, and tell them
to please bring some pants.

Right. Bring pants.

Because he's not wearing any.

Would Puff the Magic
Dragon like a hospital gown?

Actually, I'd love one.
And the name is Dino.

Come with me. Mm.

WOMAN: Dr. Cartwright,
call the nurses' station...

Hi, Rebecca. Oh, hi, doctor.

Your birthing room's
all ready. How you doin'?

Fine, the contractions
are seven minutes apart.

Good. Mine are
every time I breathe.

What do you mean?

She says I'm having
sympathy pains.

But would I have them
right around this black spot?

Mind if I take a look?

Ow.

Jesse, I'm afraid you may
need to have your appendix out.

Now? Mm-hm. What?

No, I can't have my appendix
taken out. I'm going into labor.

I want you to see Dr. Larkin
in Emergency right away.

I need a wheelchair...
I'm not going anywhere.

I'm gonna stay right
here with my wife.

That's very sweet, but you're
gonna do what the doctor says.

How serious is this?

Well, it's fairly routine,

but it's something we
need to take care of now.

Have a seat, Jesse.
I don't believe this.

Jess, what's going
on? Are you okay?

Oh, sure. I'm fine.

Just figured, heck,
while I'm here,

might as well have
my appendix taken out.

Can't you just let
Becky have the babies?

You are so competitive.

You think I wanted this
to happen now? Doctor,

if I have to go into surgery,

am I gonna be back
in time to help my wife?

There's no way to know.
You need to sit down.

Danny, listen.

If I don't make it out in time,

can you, uh, help coach
Becky through the childbirth?

Ah, Jess, no problem, I've been
through this three times before.

I could do this with one
hand behind my back,

which I may have to to
keep this gown closed.

Beck, I'll be back
as soon as possible.

Now, try to wait as long as
you can to have the twins.

I'll do my best.

[CLICKS TONGUE] I'm sorry, Beck.

There's no place in
the world I'd rather be

than right here with you.

I love you.

I love you too.

Hurry back, honey.

Wait for me.

Nice buns.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Yes, I know you just dropped
your son off, but it's amazing

how much birthday fun you
can cram into 15 minutes.

Uh-huh. Okay, bye.

Okay, kids, your parents are
on their way to pick you up.

We have to get back
before the babies are born.

So let's wait for
'em out on the porch.

Move it, people.
The party's over.

But you never
opened your presents.

Hold it, people.
The party's back on.

Okay, kids, we're gonna
play a new game now.

It's called Open the Present
You Brought as Fast as You Can.

How do you play?

Well, you open the present

you brought as fast as you can.

Hence the name:

Open the Present You
Brought as Fast as You Can.

I think I get it now.

Okay, everybody,
get in a straight line.

All right.

Now, ready, get set,

open the present you
brought as fast as you can.

All right, there we
are, we're opening.

We're having a great time.

Oh, good, look how
fast this guy's going.

Oh, good, it looks
beautiful. That's it, great.

Those are some
beautiful presents.

Now, hold them out so
Michelle could see what she got.

Love it, love it, love it.

Like it, love it.

Like it, love it.

That looked bigger on TV.

And that officially
ends the party.

Please place your
presents gently on the floor

and proceed to the nearest exit.

Okay, that would be this way.

STEPH: Have a nice day
and don't forget, buckle up.

Come on.

Thanks for the presents,
and thanks for coming.

This was a strange party.

[RHYTHMIC PANTING]

♪ We will, we will ♪

♪ Rock you ♪

♪ Sing it, we... ♪

Sorry.

Becky, just keep
breathing, okay?

We're almost through this one.

Okay, the main thing is
not to think about the pain.

There is no pain. Pain is
not part of the vocabulary.

Pain does not exist.

Do you think you could
say the word "pain"

just a few more times?

Sorry, I'm just trying to
help keep your mind off

that not-so-great feeling.

[BOTH SIGH]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

JOEY: Are you ready for us?

Come on in, everybody.

Did you have the twins yet?

No, not yet.

What's taking 'em so long?

Maybe they can't decide
who should come out first.

Well, it could take a while.

According to my biology teacher,

a woman can be
in labor for days.

[WHIMPERS]

Where's Jess?

As it turned out, his stomach
ache was really appendicitis.

Is he gonna be all right?

He's gonna be fine. He just
has to have an appendectomy.

Appen... What?

Well, boys and girls,
in scientific terms,

an appendectomy is when
they take that little thingamajig

out of your tum-tum, that
you really don't need-need.

Hey, everybody, great news.

Kimmy, is Jesse okay?

I don't know. I got lost.

But I did find Luc,

this really cute guy
with two broken arms.

So I volunteered to
spoon-feed him his Jell-O.

Is Uncle Jesse gonna
miss the babies being born?

Oh, I hope not. I really
want him to be here.

Oh, don't worry, Beck,
'cause either way,

he's gonna get to see
the birth. Excuse me.

All right.

Come on in, guys.

Danny, what is this?

Becky, it's your
own camera crew.

You know Mark and Eppie.

I know who they are. What
are they doing in my room?

Don't you remember when you
announced you were pregnant

on Wake Up, San Francisco?
You promised all of our viewers

that we'd get to see
the whole thing on tape.

Yeah, well, that's when I
was thin, my hair was done,

and I wasn't sweating.

That's not sweat.
That's a mother's glow.

Let's do a quick little intro

before your next
contraction, huh?

Danny, I am not gonna do this.

We're rolling.

Hi, I'm Rebecca
Donaldson, and I'm in labor.

And I am Danny
Tanner, and right now,

we are in Rebecca's
very hospital room

where she is about
to give birth to twins.

I'm gonna be here every
second, coaching Becky

through her delivery and
giving you the play-by-play

as we all watch in
amazement the miracle... of life.

Heh. Well, Danny,
about that miracle,

it's kind of a private thing

that I'll be happy to
talk about with you

when I return to the
show in a few weeks.

But until then, this is
Rebecca Donaldson, saying:

Get out of my room.

[CHUCKLES] And cut.

[♪♪♪]

[RHYTHMIC PANTING]

You're doing great, Rebecca.

It's not gonna be long now.

Oh, I wish Jesse
were here with me.

[RHYTHMIC PANTING]

[SIGHS] Okay.

That one's over.

Oh, man, that was the
toughest contraction yet.

Gee, Danny, maybe
you should lie down.

No, Becky, I've
made it this far.

I'm gonna go all the way.

Sponge.

Thanks.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Jesse's out of
surgery. Is he okay?

Surgery went fine.

BECKY: Oh,

Jess, you made it
just when I need you.

This is a pretty room.

He's still a little groggy
from the anesthesia.

Jess, I just want you to know,

you should be
really proud of Becky.

She's doing a really great job.

Hey, I know you.

You're, uh... Danny.
No, that's not it.

You guys need us
for anything else?

No, we'll take it
from here, thanks.

Hey, you've been a
really great coach, thanks.

Any time.

Heh.

Thank you, Donny.

Close enough.

Oh, honey, I'm so
glad you made it in time.

In time for what?

The birth of our babies.

Oh, that's right.
You're having my baby.

♪ What a lovely way of saying ♪

♪ How much you love me ♪

Jess, just hold my hand.

Won't your husband
Donny be jealous?

Jess, you're my husband.

[CHUCKLES]

I get a wife and a
baby in the same day.

Radical.

♪ Havin' my baby ♪

Okay, Rebecca, here
comes another contraction.

We're gonna push
on this one. Okay.

[MOANING] Get ready,

deep breath... and push.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Whoa. Eight.

Good girl. [MOANING]

♪ Havin' my baby ♪
Seven, six...

♪ What a lovely way Of sayin' ♪

♪ That you're thinkin' of me ♪
five, four,

three, come on. ♪
Havin' my baby ♪

Come on, you're doing
great. I can see the head!

Come on, Rebecca! ♪
What a lovely way... ♪

Whoa! Shut up!

[♪♪♪]

Beck, I'm so proud of you.

[SOBBING] Oh, honey.

Look what we
brought into this world.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Thank you for giving me

two beautiful,
healthy little boys.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Look at him smile.

Aw.

I love you. I love you too.

And thank you for making
this the happiest day of my life.

I can't believe it.

I'm the father of two
identical twin sons.

Hey.

Hey, bub, I'm your daddy.

And I'm your mommy. Hi.

Becky, can you believe
it? We're parents.

[CHUCKLES]

How we doing so far, Dad?

I think they dig us.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Look at this, they've
got your little nose.

[GIGGLES]

And they have your cute smile.

How did they end up
with Fred Mertz's hair?

You guys feel up
for some visitors?

Sure, come on in.

Come on, everybody.

ALL: Awwww.

Hi, family. Say, "Hi, family."

Hi, everybody. Hi, everybody.

Hi.

[AS BABY] Hi, little baby boys.

My name is Joey, and
I'm gonna teach you

how to do archery, bowling,

hockey, race cars...

Joey, Joey, they just
learned to open their eyes.

Okay, then we'll
just play peek-a-boo.

[JESSE LAUGHS]

And, guys, I'm your uncle Danny.

I don't do any funny
voices, but thanks to me,

your diapers are
gonna smell April-fresh.

What are their names?

Well, we each
got to pick a name.

So I picked Alexander,
after my high school teacher

who gave me the inspiration
to go into journalism.

And, uh, I picked Nicholas

after my father who
gave me great hair.

You hear that,
baldy? Grow, grow.

[GIGGLES]

Which one is which?

Well, we don't
know yet. All right.

All right, who wants
to be Alexander?

[GURGLES]

We have a volunteer.

They look exactly alike.

How are you
gonna tell 'em apart?

You could put a
drop of red nail polish

on one of their backs.

That's what I did
with my turtles.

Your babies are very cute.

You get two thumbs up.

Thank you, Michelle.

They're so little, they
could wear my dolls' clothes.

Hey, back off,
shorty. They're boys.

[LAUGHS]

Michelle, we're really sorry

you had to cut your
birthday party short.

It's cool.

Well, Michelle, just think,

now you get to share
your birthday with the twins.

That means triple birthdays.

Is that a good thing?

Well, you get three
birthday cakes.

That's a very good thing.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

ALL: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday Dear Michelle ♪

♪ Alex and Nicky ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

♪ Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa ♪