Full House (1987–1995): Season 4, Episode 7 - Viva Las Joey - full transcript

♪ MAMA'S LITTLE BABY LOVES
SHORTENIN', SHORTENIN' ♪

♪ MAMA'S LITTLE ♪♪

COMET, DO I GOT
IT OR DO I GOT IT?

NO, YOU GOT IT.

UNCLE JESSE, I GOT A OWIE.

AWW, YOU GOT AN OWIE?

WHERE'S IT HURT, SHORTY?

RIGHT HERE. I NEED A BIG BIRD.

YOU NEED A BIG BIRD.

ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.

BIG BIRD BANDAGE TO THE RESCUE.



ALL RIGHT. WHERE'S
IT HURT AGAIN?

RIGHT HERE.

CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG, BUT
DIDN'T THAT OWIE JUST JUMP ARMS?

OWIES ARE VERY TRICKY.

♪ AHH ♪

♪ AHH ♪

♪ WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO PREDICTABILITY ♪

♪ THE MILKMAN, THE PAPER BOY ♪

♪ EVENIN' TV ♪

♪ HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE ♪

♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE ♪

♪ THIS OLD WORLD'S ♪

♪ CONFUSIN' ME ♪

♪ CLOUDS AS MEAN
AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN ♪



♪ AIN'T A BIRD WHO
KNOWS YOUR TUNE ♪

♪ THEN A LITTLE VOICE
INSIDE YOU WHISPERS ♪

♪ KID, DON'T SELL YOUR
DREAMS SO SOON ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ THERE'S A HEART ♪

♪ A HAND TO HOLD ONTO ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ THERE'S A FACE OF
SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE ♪

♪ AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE ♪

♪ A LIGHT IS WAITIN' ♪

♪ TO CARRY YOU HOME ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ DO BE DO BA BA DA ♪♪

CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

SIT RIGHT HERE, AND
I'LL GET THE PHONE.

[RING]

TALK TO ME.

YEAH, HANG ON.

JOEY!

I'M BUSY.

IT'S YOUR AGENT!

3... 2... 1.

EDDIE. YEAH, WHAT'S UP?

UH-HUH.

YOU'RE KIDDING!

HOLD ON.

JESS, GREAT NEWS.

THE ARONSON CHIMPS
ARE INFESTED WITH LICE.

BUT WAIT. THERE'S MORE, SEE?

THERE'S THIS BIG CHARITY
BENEFIT IN LAS VEGAS

AND THANKS TO THE LICE,

I'M TAKING THE CHIMPS' PLACE.

JUST DON'T USE THEIR COMB.

RIGHT.

EDDIE? YEAH. I'LL BE
ON THE NEXT PLANE.

REALLY?

AW, THANKS!

YES!

[SOBBING] OH! THIS IS THE
HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

YOU GUYS WANNA BE ALONE?

NO. YOU CAME AT A GREAT TIME.

DANNY, TOMORROW
NIGHT I'M PLAYING VEGAS.

JOEY, THAT'S GREAT.

WAY TO GO, DUDE!

WHAT'S VEGAS?

JOEY, YOU'RE PLAYING VEGAS.
THAT'S ALWAYS BEEN YOUR DREAM,

NOT COUNTING THE ONE ABOUT
THE CHARLIE'S ANGELS' REUNION.

NOT ONLY AM I MAKING
MY LAS VEGAS DEBUT,

BUT I'M OPENING
FOR WAYNE NEWTON!

OH, YEAH!

I GOTTA GO PACK.

I'LL GO WITH YOU.
TELL ME ABOUT WAYNE.

HEY, YOU KNOW? WAYNE
KNEW ELVIS. REALLY?

HEY, WHAT'S HAPPENING, MICHELLE?

JOEY'S OPENING A
FIG NEWTON IN VEGAS.

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

AND THE MONKEYS HAVE LICE.

MICHELLE, I THINK
YOU'RE A LITTLE MIXED UP.

NO, I'M VERY MIXED UP.

JOEY, ALLOW ME THE PLEASURE
OF FOLDING THESE FOR YOU, OKAY?

HEY, JOEY, ARE YOU
GOING TO LAS VEGAS?

YEP, I'M FLYING IN FOR
A REHEARSAL TONIGHT.

SOME MONKEYS GOT LICE, AND
I'M OPENING FOR WAYNE NEWTON.

IS THAT WHAT I SAID?

HEY, DAD. COULD WE GO
SEE JOEY IN LAS VEGAS?

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE?

I'VE NEVER WANTED ANYTHING
MORE IN MY SHORT LITTLE LIFE.

PLEASE! STEPH, WAY
TOO OVERDRAMATIC.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

SO, WE GOING OR WHAT?

WELL, LET'S SEE. WE'VE SEEN
THE TOWERING REDWOODS

AND THE MAJESTIC GRAND CANYON.

WHAT THE HECK. WE MIGHT AS WELL GO SEE
THE WORLD'S LARGEST SLOT MACHINE, HUH?

THANK YOU.

JOEY, THIS IS THE BIG TIME, MAN.

YOU BETTER CALL YOUR MOM.

WELL, I'M SURE MY MOM WOULD LOVE
TO COME AND SEE ME BUT SHE CAN'T.

SHE'S GOOFY.

THAT'S A TERRIBLE THING
TO SAY ABOUT YOUR MOTHER.

NO, NO. I MEAN, SHE'S REALLY
GOOFY, AT DISNEYWORLD.

SHE WEARS THE BIG
HAT, THE FLOPPY SHOES,

KIDS LOVE HER.

OK, YOUR MOM'S IN A DOG SUIT.

WHY DON'T YOU INVITE YOUR DAD,

OR IS HE RONALD McDONALD?

YOU KNOW? IT'D BE SO
GREAT IF MY DAD COULD COME.

YOU KNOW? THE COLONEL'S
NEVER SEEN MY STAND-UP ACT.

NAH, HE PROBABLY
COULDN'T MAKE IT.

DID I PACK MY LUCKY TUBE SOCKS?

I'VE GOT A GREAT IDEA.

I LOVE IT WHEN YOU TALK SNEAKY.

JOEY, INVITE YOUR DAD.
I'VE KNOWN YOU 4 YEARS,

I STILL HAVEN'T MET THE GUY YET.

LOOK, THE TRUTH IS, EVER
SINCE MY FOLKS SPLIT UP,

WE JUST DON'T GET ALONG, OK?

SO JUST DROP IT.

COME ON, YOU GUYS.
THIS IS A BIG SHOT FOR ME.

I'VE GOTTA FOCUS ON MY COMEDY.

HEY, SPEAKING OF THAT,
MAYBE THIS CAN HELP YOU.

I JUST HEARD A BRAND NEW
JOKE. IT'S A GREAT ONE, OK?

AN ESKIMO, A VIKING, AND A
SCOTSMAN WALK INTO A BAR.

WAIT A MINUTE, MAYBE
IT WAS A TANNING SALON.

IT DOESN'T MATTER. ANYWAY,
THERE'S THIS FOURTH GUY,

OR WAS IT A LEPRECHAUN?
I DON'T KNOW.

I THINK HE WAS
GREEN... I'M NOT SURE.

BUT ANYWAY, YOU GOTTA PICTURE
HIM. HE'S, LIKE, BALDING ON TOP.

HE'S NOT HOME. IT'S
HIS ANSWERING MACHINE.

HELLO, COLONEL GLADSTONE,

THIS IS JOEY GLADSTONE'S
PERSONAL SECRETARY,

UH... JANET... ABDUL.

JOEY ASKED ME TO INVITE YOU
TO LAS VEGAS TOMORROW NIGHT,

WHERE HE WILL BE APPEARING
WITH WAYNE NEWTON.

HE REALLY REALLY REALLY
WANTS YOU TO BE THERE.

STEPHANIE, IF I'M HIS
PERSONAL SECRETARY,

WHO THE HECK ARE YOU?

HELLO? THIS IS HIS OTHER
PERSONAL SECRETARY,

UH... BARBIE DOLL... AND...

AND BEAR! BARBIE DOLLANBEAR.

THANK YOU, BARBIE.

HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE,
COLONEL GLADSTONE.

NEXT TIME,

LET ME DO THE TALKING,
MISS DOLLANBEAR.

LIGHTEN UP, MISS ABDUL.

YES!

[LAUGHING] HI, YOU GUYS.

ALL RIGHT, JOEY!

WOW!

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

PICTURES!

LET'S GET A SHOT OF EVERYBODY.

HI! HI!

LOOK AT ALL THESE PEOPLE
LINED UP TO SEE JOEY.

I THINK WAYNE NEWTON MAY
HAVE TINY BIT TO DO WITH IT.

GUYS, YOU GOTTA CHECK THIS
OUT. SAVE OUR PLACE, PLEASE.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION.

NICE RING.

THIS IS IT.

THIS IS THE SHRINE TO ELVIS.

ALL RIGHT, THIS IS
HIS JUMP SUIT, GUITAR,

THE WHOLE STATUE.

THIS IS GREAT, GIRLS. I REMEMBER
THE FIRST TIME I SAW ELVIS.

STEPH, I WAS YOUR AGE.

AND I'M SITTING IN THE AUDIENCE.

I FEEL THE ENERGY
AND THE EXCITEMENT,

THEN THE MUSIC STARTED, ALRIGHT?

♪ BOM ♪

♪ BOM ♪

♪ BOM ♪

♪ BA-DA! ♪

AND THE DRUMS, BOOM,
BOOM, BOOM, BOOM!

THE BAND KICKED IN.

HE DID THE KNEEL
THING. IT KILLED ME.

♪ BAH, BUH-BAH ♪ BACKWARDS
WALK, ALWAYS BACKWARDS.

LIKE THIS, SEE?

IS HE GONNA SING AN ELVIS SONG

IN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE?

I SEE HIS LIP STARTING TO CURL.

THEN HE GOT UP. THE
SPOTLIGHT HIT HIM.

♪ WELL, SINCE MY
BABY LEFT, BA-BOOM ♪

♪ WELL, I FOUND A NEW
PLACE TO DWELL, BA-DAH... ♪

GET THE LEGS GOING.

♪ DOWN AT THE END
OF LONELY STREET ♪

♪ AT HEARTBREAK HOTEL... ♪

EVERYBODY SING ALONG.

♪ I GET SO LONELY, BABY... ♪

[CROWD SINGS ALONG]

♪ I GET SO LONELY I COULD DIE ♪♪

YEAH!

[IMPERSONATING ELVIS]
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, JESSE.

DID YOU GUYS HEAR THAT?

OF COURSE I HEARD
IT, BOY. I JUST SAID IT.

DON'T BE CRUEL.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
I'M COMING, I'M COMING.

IT'S A BIG ROOM.

JOEY GLADSTONE FAN CLUB.

HEY! COME ON IN, GUYS.

WHOA!

OOH!

WOW, VERY
IMPRESSIVE... BIG WET BAR,

CLASSY VEGAS FURNITURE...

NICE BIG BOWL OF BANANAS.

THOSE WERE FOR THE CHIMPS.

HOW'S THE CROWD OUT THERE?

THE PLACE IS PACKED.

THEY WERE CHANTING, "WE
WANT WAYNE! WE WANT WAYNE!"

"RIGHT AFTER JOEY!'

"RIGHT AFTER JOEY!"

HEY, LISTEN, GUYS.
IT'S ALMOST SHOW TIME,

AND I'M SWEATING LIKE
AN AARDVARK IN A SAUNA.

I'M GONNA GO BLOW-DRY
MY SHIRT. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

D.J., SHOULD WE SAVE AN EXTRA
SEAT AT THE TABLE FOR JOEY'S DAD?

JOEY'S DAD?

WELL, IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SURPRISE.
WE LEFT A MESSAGE FOR JOEY'S DAD

INVITING HIM TO THE SHOW.

GIRLS, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE
CALLED COLONEL GLADSTONE

WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.

JOEY AND HIS DAD ARE
LIKE OIL AND VINEGAR.

NO, THAT WOULD
BE SALAD DRESSING.

THEY'RE MORE LIKE
OIL AND MAYONNAISE.

ACTUALLY, THERE'S
OIL IN MAYONNAISE.

LET ME SAVE US AN HOUR.

JOEY AND HIS DAD
DON'T GET ALONG.

I'M COOL, I'M DRY

AND MY CHEST HAIR'S
NEVER BEEN FLUFFIER.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

I GOT IT. THIS IS MY
FAVORITE PART, YOU GUYS.

THIS IS WHERE THE STAGE
MANAGER COMES IN AND SAYS,

"TWO MINUTES TILL SHOW
TIME, MR. GLADSTONE."

HELLO, JOSEPH.

DAD.

DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I GOT A MESSAGE YOU REALLY
REALLY REALLY WANTED ME HERE.

YOU DID?

I THOUGHT IT WAS RATHER CUTE,

HAVING YOUR PERSONAL
SECRETARIES CALL.

NOW, THERE WAS A
MISS JANET ABDUL.

WELL, OUTSIDE OF THE
OFFICE THEY CALL ME D.J.

AND THERE WAS BARBIE DOLLANBEAR.

JOSEPH, I'M GETTING THE FEELING

YOU HAD NO IDEA I WAS COMING.

WELL, DAD, UH... IT
WAS MY IDEA. I'M SORRY.

IT WAS SUPPOSED
TO BE A FUN SURPRISE.

WELL, YOU FUN-SURPRISED ME.

UH, DAD, YOU REMEMBER
DANNY, DON'T YOU?

RIGHT. THE SKINNY KID
WITH THE CLEAN SHOES.

YOU WERE MY INSPIRATION, SIR...

SPIT AND POLISH.

ALTHOUGH HERE'S A HELPFUL HINT,

WITH A LITTLE MORE POLISH
YOU CAN AVOID THE ICKY SPIT.

THANKS, DANNY.

THIS IS MY FRIEND AND BUSINESS
PARTNER JESSE KATSOPOLIS.

NICE TO MEET YOU, SON.

PUT ON A TIE.

NICE TO MEET YOU, SIR.

NO.

WELL, GIRLS, WHY DON'T WE LET LET
JOEY AND HIS DAD GET REACQUAINTED?

LET'S GET TO OUR TABLE
BEFORE WE MISS JOEY'S SHOW.

BUT JOEY'S RIGHT HERE.

GOOD POINT. I'LL THINK OF A
BETTER EXCUSE ON THE WAY.

DAD, THIS IS SO GREAT. I
CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE HERE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
I'M HERE, EITHER.

ESPECIALLY SINCE
YOU DIDN'T INVITE ME.

WELL YOU CAN'T BLAME ME FOR
THINKING YOU WOULDN'T COME.

I MEAN, I'VE BEEN DOING
STANDUP FOR 11 YEARS

AND YOU'VE NEVER SEEN ME WORK.

YOU CALL TELLING JOKES WORK?

JOSEPH, YOU WERE A SMART YOUNG
MAN. YOU COULD'VE GONE TO WEST POINT.

DONE SOMETHING
IMPORTANT WITH YOUR LIFE.

WHAT'S IMPORTANT

IS WHAT I'M DOING
RIGHT NOW, DAD.

I'M MAKING PEOPLE LAUGH.

I'M RUNNING MY OWN
PRODUCTION COMPANY.

I'M HELPING DANNY
RAISE HIS THREE KIDS,

AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,

I WILL NEVER MISS ONE
THEIR DANCE RECITALS,

AND I'LL NEVER MISS ONE
OF THEIR SOCCER GAMES.

THAT KIND OF STUFF
NEVER MATTERED TO YOU.

ARE YOU FINISHED?

NO.

DAD, YOU MISSED MY WINNING GOAL

AT THE JUNIOR HOCKEY TOURNAMENT.

YOU NEVER SAW ME PLAY THE ELF

IN MY THIRD GRADE
CHRISTMAS PLAY.

AND IT'S TOO BAD, 'CAUSE I
MADE A ONE HECK OF AN ELF.

I WAS THE DeNIRO OF ELVES, DAD.

ARE YOU FINISHED NOW?

YEAH.

I GOTTA ADMIT IT FELT GOOD
TO GET THAT OFF MY CHEST.

I'M GLAD YOUR LITTLE OUTBURST

MADE YOU FEEL BETTER.

GOODBYE, JOSEPH.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
JOEY GLADSTONE.

WHOA!

WELL, BLOW ME DOWN.

[LAUGHS LIKE POPEYE]

THANK YOU. OH, COME ON, NOW.

OH, COME ON, NOW.

CUT IT OUT.

QUIT IT. COME ON.

WELL, QUIT IT. COME ON, NOW.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

THIS IS MY FIRST TIME
PLAYING LAS VEGAS.

BOY, WHAT A TOWN.

IN THE SAME NIGHT YOU
CAN GET MARRIED, DIVORCED,

LOSE YOUR ENTIRE LIFE SAVINGS,

AND STILL GO HOME HAPPY

BECAUSE HEY YOU HAD THAT 19
CENT SHRIMP COCKTAIL, YOU KNOW?

THANK YOU. OH, COME ON.

CUT IT OUT. QUIT IT.

SO, LET'S SEE,
WHY AM I HERE? UH..

OH, COMEDY. SORRY, I KINDA
LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT.

I JUST HAD A LONG TALK
WITH MY DAD BACKSTAGE.

DON'T GET A CHANCE TO SEE
MY DAD TOO MUCH THESE DAYS.

HE WAS A MILITARY MAN.

IT'S STRANGE GROWING UP

WHEN YOUR FATHER IS A PERSON
IN THE MILITARY, YOU KNOW?

I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS 6 MONTHS
OLD, HE SENT ME OFF TO BOOTY CAMP.

THAT WAS KIND OF FUN.

YEAH, I LEARNED TO CRAWL
UNDER A BARBED WIRE.

YEAH, THAT WAS KIND OF WEIRD.

HAD THAT LITTLE
CAMOUFLAGED DIAPER.

THAT WAS KIND OF CUTE.

YEAH, I REMEMBER HE TOOK US
ON OUR FIRST FAMILY VACATION.

IT WAS A CROSS-COUNTRY TRIP AND

IT WAS A TOUGH MARCH WITH THAT
40-POUND PACK. YOU KNOW, MAN?

I REMEMBER EVERYBODY IN OUR
FAMILY HAD TO GET BRUSH-CUTS,

EVEN GRANDMA. YEAH. THAT WAS..

BOY, POOR GRAM SHE
HATED PLAYING BINGO

WITH THAT HALF-INCH
OF BLUE HAIR, YOU KNOW?

OH, COME ON, NOW.
CUT THAT OUT. QUIT IT.

SO, I'M A SINGLE GUY,
WHICH IS GREAT, BUT...

[GIRLS CHEER] THANK YOU.

OH, COME ON.

WHICH IS GREAT,
BEING A SINGLE GUY,

BUT THE ONLY PROBLEM IS YOU HAVE
TO DEAL WITH OTHER SINGLE GUYS,

ESPECIALLY COOL GUYS,

YOU KNOW THE KIND OF
GUYS I'M TALKING ABOUT.

GUYS WHO ACTUALLY
WOBBLE THEIR HEAD

'CAUSE THEY THINK IT LOOKS COOL.

YOU KNOW THESE
GUYS, IF YOU'RE IN A BAR,

AT A PARTY, ANY KIND OF
MIXED SOCIAL ENVIRONMENT,

THESE ARE THE GUYS
WALKING AROUND LIKE THIS.

YOU KNOW, WHENEVER
THEY RECOGNIZE SOMEBODY,

THEY ALWAYS DO THAT
PHONY GUN-POINT THING.

IT'S LIKE...

HEY.

HOW'S IT GOING?

WHAT'S THAT?

I'M SLIME?

HA HA HA HA!

I DON'T, UH...

I DON'T THINK YOU REALIZE

I'M WOBBLING MY HEAD RIGHT NOW.

SOME GUYS YOU KNOW
THEY THINK THEY'RE COOL.

THEY DON'T SEEM TO HAVE THAT
HEAD COORDINATION DOWN PROPERLY.

THEY'RE GOING UP TO WOMEN LIKE,

"HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?"

I WAS IN A BAR ONCE, THIS
GUY'S HEAD FLEW RIGHT OFF.

I WENT, "THAT IS THE COOLEST
GUY I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE."

THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH, LAS VEGAS.

REMEMBER, IF YOU SEE ME WALKING
THROUGH THE CASINO, I TAKE TIPS.

GOOD NIGHT, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

WHOA!

I DID A LITTLE BETTER
THAN I THOUGHT. THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

WHOA!

OH!

WAYNE NEWTON.

JOEY GLADSTONE.
ISN'T HE FANTASTIC?

EVERYBODY.

ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU FOR
FILLING IN ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE.

NOW, I MUST ADMIT THAT YOU'RE A
LOT FUNNIER THAN THE ARONSON CHIMPS,

AND YOU LEFT THE STAGE
A LOT CLEANER, TOO.

I DO APOLOGIZE.

I APOLOGIZE FOR ALL THE
BANANAS IN YOUR DRESSING ROOM.

SO WITH THAT IN
MIND, LET ME SAY...

♪ DANKE SCHOEN ♪

♪ JOEY, DANKE SCHOEN ♪

HELP ME OUT, HELP ME OUT.

♪ THANK YOU FOR
ALL THE JOY AND PAIN ♪

♪ DANKE SCHOEN TO
MY NEW PAL, WAYNE ♪

♪ HEY, I'M INSANE ♪

♪ WAYNE, YOU'RE TO BLAME ♪

♪ DANKE SCHOEN ♪

♪ HEY, DANKE SCHOEN ♪♪

EASE UP, KID.

SORRY, UM.

SORRY, MR. NEWTON, SIR.

I GUESS I GOT A LITTLE
CARRIED AWAY THERE.

DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT IT.

LET'S TAKE IT FROM THE TOP.

♪ DANKE SCHOEN ♪♪

LET'S SAY GOOD NIGHT,

AND A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE.

THANK YOU.

JOEY GLADSTONE.

THANK YOU, MR. NEWTON.

GOOD NIGHT.

I LOVE YOU LAS VEGAS, THANK YOU.

AN APPLE JUICE TOAST TO
MY MAIN MAN AND YOURS,

THE VERY LOVELY AND
TALENTED JOEY GLADSTONE!

WE'VE GOTTA GET
HER OUT OF VEGAS.

TO JOEY.

JOEY. JOEY. JOEY.

AH, WHAT A NIGHT.

I FINALLY PLAYED
VEGAS, I WAS A BIG HIT,

AND I ACTUALLY SANG ON
STAGE WITH WAYNE NEWTON.

IT WAS QUITE A NIGHT.

DAD, YOU'RE STILL HERE?

MAY I HAVE A WORD WITH MY SON?

YOU KNOW, WE SHOULD CELEBRATE.

AFTER ALL, THIS IS LAS VEGAS, THE
MOST EXCITING CITY IN THE WORLD.

THERE'S GOTTA BE A MINIATURE
GOLF COURSE OPEN SOMEWHERE.

GOTTA WORK ON THAT
WINDMILL SHOT OF MINE.

YOU KNOW, I'M A LITTLE...

DAD, YOU SAW MY SHOW?

YES, I DID.

YOU HEARD ALL THOSE
JOKES I MADE ABOUT YOU?

SOME OF THEM WERE
ACTUALLY FUNNY.

YOU LAUGHED?

I WILL.

LATER.

RIGHT NOW, WE NEED TO TALK.

I THOUGHT ABOUT
WHAT YOU SAID EARLIER.

EVEN THOUGH YOUR
MOTHER AND I WERE DIVORCED,

I SHOULD'VE BEEN AROUND MORE
WHILE YOU WERE GROWING UP.

JOSEPH, IT WASN'T EASY BEING
STATIONED IN SOME GODFORSAKEN PLACE,

AND GETTING MONTHLY REPORTS
THAT YOU WERE GOOFING OFF

AND DEMONSTRATING A
COMPLETE LACK OF DISCIPLINE.

WHEN I CAME HOME, I FELT YOU
NEEDED STRUCTURE AND AUTHORITY,

NOT A PAL.

I COULD'VE USED A PAL.

ME, TOO.

I THINK WE COULD'VE
BEEN GREAT BUDDIES.

AFTER ALL, YOU DO HAVE
MY SENSE OF HUMOR.

UH, NO DISRESPECT INTENDED, DAD,

BUT YOU AREN'T
EXACTLY MR. FUNNYPANTS.

WELL, THAT'S NOT TRUE.

DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU
WERE THREE AND HAD CHICKEN POX?

WE WATCHED CARTOONS
TOGETHER FOR TWO WEEKS.

YOU WATCHED CARTOONS?

WHO DO YOU THINK TAUGHT
YOU HOW TO DO POPEYE?

[LAUGHS LIKE POPEYE]

WELL, BLOW ME DOWN!

I'M REALLY GLAD YOU
CAME TONIGHT, DAD.

ME, TOO, SON.

I WAS PROUD OF YOU.

THANKS, DAD.

YOU KNOW, I...

I WISH WE COULD'VE HAD
THIS NIGHT A LONG TIME AGO.

WELL, MAYBE WE CAN
MAKE A FRESH START NOW.

I LOVE YOU, DAD.

I LOVE YOU, TOO, SON.

COME HERE.

YOU KNOW, DAD, THAT
POPEYE LAUGH THAT YOU DID?

IT REALLY... IT WASN'T GOOD.

UH, I MEAN, IT'S CLOSE. YOU JUST NEED
A LITTLE WORK, YOU KNOW, ON THE...

"HA KA KA KA!"

IN THE ADAM'S APPLE THERE.

HA KA KA KA!

YEAH. THEN YOU JUST
THROW IN A "WHOA!"

WHOA!

WHOA!

HA KA KA KA! YEAH, THERE YOU GO.

CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.