Full House (1987–1995): Season 4, Episode 6 - A Pinch for a Pinch - full transcript

Jesse gives Michelle bad advice on how to handle a bully.

OK, MICHELLE, NOW...

THE KEY TO HOUSE HOCKEY

IS NO HIGH-STICKING,
NO CROSS-CHECKING,

AND BREAKING A
LAMP WILL COST YOU

10 MINUTES IN THE
PENALTY BOX WITH COMET.

DADDY SAID NO
HOCKEY IN THE HOUSE.

RIGHT. BUT THE BEAUTY
PART IS DADDY'S NOT HOME,

SO IF YOU DON'T
TELL, I WON'T TELL.

THIS IS VERY
SNEAKY, BUT I LIKE IT.

HEH HEH HEH.

NOW, YOU MUST TRY
TO SHOOT ZE PUCK



PAST ZE WORLD-FAMOUS
GOALIE, MOI.

YOU MUST BE VERY, VERY TRICKY

BECAUSE NOTHING GETS
BY PIERRE DE LA PATÉ.

HA HA!

LOOK! DADDY'S HOME!

SCORE!

IN YOUR FACE, PATÉ.

YOU THINK YOU ARE TOO TRICKY.

SCARE BLEU, LES ENFANTS.

♪ AHH ♪

♪ AHH ♪

♪ WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO PREDICTABILITY ♪

♪ THE MILKMAN, THE PAPER BOY ♪

♪ EVENIN' TV ♪



♪ HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE ♪

♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE ♪

♪ THIS OLD WORLD'S ♪

♪ CONFUSIN' ME ♪

♪ CLOUDS AS MEAN
AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN ♪

♪ AIN'T A BIRD WHO
KNOWS YOUR TUNE ♪

♪ THEN A LITTLE VOICE
INSIDE YOU WHISPERS ♪

♪ KID, DON'T SELL YOUR
DREAMS SO SOON ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ THERE'S A HEART ♪

♪ A HAND TO HOLD ONTO ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ THERE'S A FACE OF
SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE ♪

♪ AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE ♪

♪ A LIGHT IS WAITIN' ♪

♪ TO CARRY YOU HOME ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ DO BE DO BA BA DA ♪♪

CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

OK, COMET. THIS IS HOW YOU
FETCH THE MORNING PAPER.

YOU BRING IT TO OUR HOUSE,
BRING IT TO YOUR MASTER,

AND DROP IT IN HIS LAP.

LIKE THAT.

GOOD BOY, DANNY.

WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO
RUB YOUR TUMMY NOW?

NO, BUT I I COULD USE A LITTLE
SCRATCH BEHIND THE EARS.

IN THE LIVING ROOM.

GOOD BOY.

HI.

HI, BECKY.

HI, SWEETHEART.

HI.

COME ON, DANNY, WE BETTER
GET DOWN TO THE STATION.

GREAT. YOU KNOW WHAT I
LOVE ABOUT OUR TALK SHOW?

EVERY DAY, WE GET TO
TAKE HARD-HITTING LOOK

AT THE IMPORTANT SOCIAL
ISSUES FACING OUR SOCIETY.

WHAT'S ON THIS
MORNING'S SCHEDULE?

CELEBRITY PASTA SALADS.

ALL RIGHT. FREE FOOD.

LATER. SEE YOU LATER, HONEY.

SEE YOU, GUYS.

AW, JESS, WHY DID I EAT THIS
CANDY APPLE FOR BREAKFAST?

I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE TO WASH DOWN THE CORN DOG?

NO.

'CAUSE IT WAS CALLING ME.

"PSST. HEY, JOEY."

"COME HERE.

"LOOK, I'M JUICY, AND I'M GOOEY,

AND I'M ON A STICK."

THAT'S THE SAME THING
THE CORN DOG SAID.

ANYHOW, THAT STICKY GOOP
PULLED OUT ONE OF MY FILLINGS.

THAT MUST KILL.

ONLY WHEN I GO LIKE THIS... OW!

DON'T GO LIKE THAT.

ANYWAY, THE DENTIST
CAN SEE ME THIS MORNING.

YOU GOTTA COVER FOR
ME, IT'S MY DAY TO BE

PARENT VOLUNTEER AT
MICHELLE'S PRESCHOOL.

OH, NO NO NO. I'M NOT GONNA
WASTE MY ONE FREE MORNING

WITH A BUNCH OF WHINEY,
STICKY-FINGERED, RUNNY-NOSED ANKLE-BITERS.

JESS, YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE.

MICHELLE!

I'M READY, JOEY.

LISTEN, WHATEVER YOU
BOZOS HAVE COOKED UP,

IT AIN'T GONNA WORK.

UH, MICHELLE, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL

IF YOUR UNCLE JESSE

WENT TO PRESCHOOL WITH YOU?

I'D BE THE HAPPIEST
GIRL IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

JOSEPH, I'VE LIVED WITH
THIS KID FOR FOUR YEARS.

I'M CUTE-PROOF.

WELL, THEN YOU
WON'T MIND MY ASKING...

MICHELLE, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL

IF YOUR UNCLE JESSE
DIDN'T GO WITH YOU?

I'D BE THE SADDEST GIRL
IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

MICHELLE, ARE YOU
JUST SAYING THAT

'CAUSE JOEY TOLD YOU TO?

AND BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.

OH, BEAUTIFUL SAVE.

ALL RIGHT, CALL HER OFF.

I'LL GO TO PRESCHOOL WITH YOU.

THANK YOU.

THAT WAS EASY.

HERE YOU GO, STEPH,
HOT OFF THE PRESS.

YOUR FREE COPY OF
OUR SCHOOL NEWSPAPER.

GEE, THANKS.

NEWS ABOUT KIDS I DON'T KNOW

AT A SCHOOL I DON'T GO TO.

CHECK OUT MY NEW COLUMN...

MADAME KIMMY'S HOROSCOPE.

OH. IF THE WORDS ARE
TOO BIG FOR YOU TO READ,

YOU CAN ALWAYS COLOR ON IT.

HOROSCOPE? WHAT'S THAT, KIMMY,

A TELESCOPE THAT CAN
ONLY SEE YOUR FACE?

WELL, AS EDITOR OF
THE SCHOOL PAPER,

I MUST SAY KIMMY
DID AN EXCELLENT JOB.

SHE GOT ALL THE
ASTROLOGICAL SIGNS RIGHT,

EXCEPT FOR AQUARIUM,
THE FISH TANK.

ARE YOU SAYING KIMMY
CAN TELL THE FUTURE?

SHE CAN BARELY TELL TIME.

D.J., READ STEPHANIE'S
HOROSCOPE.

I BET YOU ALL OF MADAME
KIMMY'S PREDICTIONS COME TRUE.

LET'S SEE WHAT THE STARS
FORETELL, YOUNG CAPRICORN.

[IMITATING A GYPSY] "YOUR DAY
STARTS WITH GOOD FORTUNE."

WRONG ALREADY.

KIMMY'S HERE.

"AFTERNOON BRINGS
UNPLEASANT SURPRISE."

WHAT HAPPENS, KIMMY COMES BACK?

"THEN A MISUNDERSTANDING
WILL OCCUR AT HOME.

EXERCISE EXTREME
CAUTION AFTER DARK."

GO NOW. I MUST REST.

YOUR DAY STARTS
WITH GOOD FORTUNE.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD
CHECK YOUR POCKET.

WOW. A DOLLAR.

JUST LIKE MY HOROSCOPE SAID.

UH-OH. DOES THIS MEAN ALL THAT
BAD STUFF'S GONNA HAPPEN, TOO?

CHILL, SQUIRT. I PUT THAT
DOLLAR IN YOUR POCKET.

NOW THE JOKE'S
OVER. GIVE IT BACK.

NOT SO FAST.

KIMMY, YOUR HOROSCOPE SAYS...

"YOU'LL MAKE A
FINANCIAL BLUNDER."

YOUR BLUNDER, MY BUCK.

LET'S SEE WHAT MINE SAYS.

"YOU WILL TALK
WITH A BAD ACCENT."

LET'S GO. WE'RE
MISSING ALL THE FUN.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
MICHELLE, YOU GOTTA KNOW

I'M NOT REALLY INTO
THIS PRESCHOOL GIG SO

DON'T MAKE A BIG
DEAL THAT I'M HERE, OK?

YOU GOT IT, DUDE.

HEY, EVERYBODY,
THIS IS MY UNCLE JESSE.

HI, UNCLE JESSE!
HI, UNCLE JESSE!

HI, RUG RATS.

I'M MRS. MANNING.

WELCOME TO
PRESCHOOL, UNCLE JESSE.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

LISTEN, I'LL JUST, UH,
STAY OUT OF YOUR WAY.

WAKE ME UP FOR NAP TIME.

UNCLE JESSE, YOU'RE OUR
SPECIAL HELPER TODAY.

AND SPECIAL HELPERS
GET TO JOIN IN ALL THE FUN.

UH... NO. I'M NOT REALLY
THAT EXPERIENCED

IN THE SPECIAL HELPER FIELD.

I'M REALLY A MUSICIAN BY TRADE.

THAT'S PERFECT, BECAUSE
TODAY IS MUSIC DAY.

PERFECT.

OK, EVERYBODY. GATHER
AROUND THE MAGIC CARPET.

PICK UP YOUR INSTRUMENTS.

UNCLE JESSE, YOU GET
TO SIT IN THE MAGIC CHAIR.

IT'LL BE MAGIC IF I CAN
FIT INTO THIS THING.

HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA!

HA HA HA HA.

I'M SITTING IN A MAGIC
CHAIR ON A MAGIC CARPET

WITH THE MUNCHKIN
TABERNACLE CHOIR.

I FEEL LIKE A DOOFUS.

LET'S PLAY MUSIC, UNCLE DOOFUS.

HEH HEH HEH HEH.

VERY, VERY CUTE.

NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN.

UNCLE JESSE CAN SING LIKE ELVIS.

WONDERFUL.

WHY DON'T YOU PLAY
THE CHILDREN A SONG?

I DON'T THINK THE KING
PLAYED A LOT OF PRESCHOOLS.

HE'S CHICKEN!

OH, YEAH. LIKE I'M
REALLY GONNA RESPOND

TO THE CHALLENGE
OF A 4-YEAR-OLD.

BAWK BAWK BAWK.

BAWK BAWK BAWK!

GIVE ME THAT GUITAR.

UNCLE JESSE, AARON
TOOK MY TAMBOURINE.

HEY, BE COOL, MAN.

THERE'S NO STEALING
ON THE MAGIC CARPET.

KEEP THAT UP AND YOU'RE
GONNA END UP IN MAGIC PRISON.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. WE'RE
GONNA DO A LITTLE TUNE NOW.

ABOUT A CAT WE ALL KNOW AND LOVE
AND HE GOES BY THE NAME OF FARMER, OK?

AND GUESS WHERE HE LIVES?
YOU GUYS KNOW WHERE HE LIVES?

WELL YOU DON'T. IN THE DELL.

THAT'S WHERE HE LIVES. THE
FABULOUS, CRAZY, WACKY DELL.

THAT'S WHERE THE CAT LIVES.

LET'S DO IT A LITTLE LIKE THIS.

♪ THE FARMER IN THE DELL ♪

♪ THE FARMER IN THE DELL ♪

♪ VIVA LAS DAIRY-O ♪

♪ THE FARMER IN THE DELL ♪

♪ THE CHEESE STANDS ALONE ♪

♪ THE CHEESE STANDS ALONE ♪

♪ A HUNK-A HUNK-A
STINKY CHEESE ♪

♪ THE CHEESE STANDS ALONE ♪♪

YAY! YAY! YAY!

MORE! MORE! MORE!
MORE! THANK YOU.

THANK YOU. THE FARMER
HAS LEFT THE BUILDING.

THANK YOU.

HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA!

HA HA HA HA.

UNCLE JESSE, WHILE I GET
READY FOR PUPPET TIME,

WHY DON'T YOU HAND
OUT THESE ANIMAL COOKIES.

SOUNDS EASY ENOUGH. ALL
RIGHT, WHO WANTS A COOKIE?

ME! ME! ME!

WHOA!

WATCH THE HAIR!

ALL RIGHT. WHO WAS FIRST?

ME! ME! ME!

STUPID QUESTION.

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

HERE YOU GO. YOU
GET AN ELEPHANT.

YOU GET A CAMEL.

YOU GET SOMETHING
WITH ITS HEAD MISSING.

COME ON. FOLLOW ME, FOLLOW ME.

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LIFE?

HEY, YOU ATE MY ELEPHANT.

IT'S IN MY TUMMY NOW.

HA HA HA.

UNCLE JESSE, AARON
ATE MY ELEPHANT.

THAT'S NOT FAIR.
GO EAT HIS COOKIE.

IF SOMEBODY DOES SOMETHING
TO YOU, DO IT BACK TO THEM.

WORKS FOR ME.

HERE YOU GO. CLEAN
HANDS. NO, THE CLEAN HAND.

GIVE ME YOUR COOKIE.

THAT WAS MY CAMEL.

IT'S IN MY TUMMY NOW. HA HA HA.

OW!

OWW!

OW!

OW-OWW!

OW! OW!

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

MICHELLE PINCHED ME.

MICHELLE, DID YOU PINCH AARON?

YES, I DID.

WAIT A MINUTE. MICHELLE,
DID AARON PINCH YOU FIRST?

YES, HE DID.

YOU BOTH KNOW THAT
PINCHING IS NOT ALLOWED.

UNCLE JESSE SAID TO DO IT BACK.

THE KID'S BEEN BUGGING
HER ALL MORNING.

AND HE CALLED ME UNCLE DOOFUS.

WELL, THAT'S NOT HOW
WE SETTLE THINGS HERE.

I THINK BOTH OF YOU ARE GOING
TO HAVE TO SIT IN THE CORNER

FOR TIME OUT.

NOW, AARON, OVER THERE.

MICHELLE, OVER THERE.

ME? I'M THE GOOD ONE.

YEAH, SHE'S THE GOOD ONE.

MICHELLE, GO.

YOU CALL THIS JUSTICE HERE?

THE KID WAS JUST TRYING
TO DEFEND HERSELF.

IT'S NOT APPROPRIATE
BEHAVIOR FOR MY CLASSROOM.

HEY TEACH, I THINK YOU'VE BEEN
SPENDING A LITTLE TOO MUCH TIME

ON THE OLD MAGIC CARPET.

THERE'S A REAL WORLD
OUT THERE AND THESE KIDS

HAVE TO LEARN TO STICK
UP FOR THEMSELVES.

THEY ALSO HAVE TO LEARN THAT
VIOLENCE IS NOT THE ANSWER.

OH, SO YOU'RE SAYING
THAT ANYBODY CAN JUST

COME UP AND EAT HER ELEPHANT?

I WANT MY NIECE TO LEARN
TO STAND UP FOR HERSELF.

THE PUNISHMENT STANDS.

I'M SORRY. I'M IN
CHARGE AT THIS SCHOOL.

OH, YEAH? MAYBE MICHELLE
SHOULDN'T BE AT THIS SCHOOL.

COME ON, MICHELLE.

WE'RE OUT OF HERE.

KIDS, SAY GOODBYE TO MICHELLE.

BYE. BYE.

MM. IT'S GREAT.

HI.

OH, GREAT, JOEY, YOU'RE
BACK FROM THE DENTIST.

YOU HAVE GOT TO TRY
THIS TED KOPPEL CAPELLINI.

I CAN'T. I HAD NOVOCAIN.

THEN THEY WENT... ZZZZ!

[MAKES SUCKING NOISE]

AND THEN I HAD A ROOT CANAL.

WHAT DID HE SAY?

YOU HEARD HIM. HE SAID
HE HAD ROOT-RRARAWRL.

THANKS FOR CLEARING THAT UP.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

I'LL GET THAT.

[RING]

HELLO?

OH, HI, RRA-RA.

HU-UUH?

HA HA. UH-HUH.

ERR RORR HURR EE.

ERR-RAH. UH-HUH.

HA HA HA HA!

HI.

HI. HI.

HI, MICHELLE.

WHERE'D YOU GET ALL THIS STUFF?

AT THE ZOO.

I SAW LIONS AND
TIGERS AND BEARS.

OH, MY.

WHAT HAPPENED TO PRESCHOOL?

I QUIT PRESCHOOL.

YOU QUIT PRESCHOOL?

WELL, SHE DIDN'T ACTUALLY QUIT,
I KINDA PULLED HER OUT OF THERE.

DANNY, THIS PRESCHOOL
THING IS WAY OVERRATED.

MICHELLE, TELL YOUR DADDY WHAT
YOU LEARNED TODAY IN THE REAL WORLD.

A CAMEL CAN SPIT.

ONE DAY YOU'RE GONNA BE GLAD
I PULLED HER OUT OF THAT PLACE.

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS? IT HAPPENS
TO BE AN EXCELLENT PRESCHOOL.

MICHELLE WAS GETTING AN ACADEMIC
FOUNDATION THAT'S GONNA CARRY HER THROUGH

GRADES K-12, TROUGH COLLEGE,
THROUGH HARVARD LAW SCHOOL.

JESS, YOU HAVE ROBBED OUR NATION

OF ONE OF THE FINEST LEGAL MINDS
A SUPREME COURT HAS EVER KNOWN.

I GOTTA GO POTTY.

DANNY, I KNOW THAT YOU'RE UPSET,

BUT I'M SURE THAT JESSE
HAD A VERY GOOD REASON

FOR PULLING HER
OUT OF PRESCHOOL.

YEAH, I'M SURE.
HE'S OUT OF HIS MIND.

TELL HIM, HONEY.

THEY WERE GONNA MAKE
MICHELLE SIT IN A CORNER.

AND THEN... THAT'S IT.

YOU'RE RIGHT. HE'S
OUT OF HIS MIND.

YOU GUYS WEREN'T THERE. I MEAN, THIS
LITTLE KID WAS BUGGING HER ALL MORNING.

I TOLD HER TO STICK UP FOR
HERSELF AND A KID PINCHED HER

SO SHE PINCHED HIM BACK...
A REAL GOOD ONE, TOO.

OH, THAT'S A GREAT LESSON.

OH, WORKED FOR ME AS A KID.

AN EYE FOR AN EYE.
A PINCH FOR A PINCH.

IT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN SURVIVE
OUT THERE ON THOSE STREETS.

WHAT STREETS? MICHELLE'S NOT
EVEN ALLOWED OUT OF THE BACK YARD.

OK, I JUST WANTED THE KID TO LEARN
TO STAND UP FOR HERSELF, OKAY?

WELL SO DO I, BUT THAT'S NO
REASON TO PULL HER OUT OF SCHOOL

WITHOUT CONSULTING ME FIRST.

I THOUGHT I WAS LIVING
HERE TO HELP MY NIECES.

WELL THOSE NIECES JUST
HAPPEN TO BE MY DAUGHTERS.

OH, SO WHAT AM I, JUST
HIRED HELP OR SOMETHING?

OK, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'LL GO COOK DINNER.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE?
CHICKEN OR PORK CHOPS?

I'D HATE TO MAKE
SUCH A BIG DECISION

WITHOUT CONSULTING
THE KING FIRST.

JESS, JUST COOK
WHATEVER YOU WANT.

I DO KINDA FEEL LIKE
CHICKEN, THOUGH.

OH...

OH, NO. IT'S CHILDPROOF.

JOEY, I'M FREAKING OUT.

KIMMY'S HOROSCOPE SAID I
HAVE AN UNPLEASANT SURPRISE.

AND IT HAPPENED.

INSTEAD OF PIZZA,

THE CAFETERIA
SERVED PIMENTO LOAF.

IT WAS LIKE EATING
BOLOGNA WITH EYES.

[MUMBLING]

JOEY, I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU.

HEY, WAIT A SECOND.

"A MISUNDERSTANDING
WILL OCCUR AT HOME."

I'M AT HOME.

I'M MISUNDERSTANDING YOU.

I'M FREAKING OUT AGAIN.

[MUMBLING]

KIMMY, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT
THIS FOR NEXT WEEK'S EDITORIAL.

"TARDINESS... ARE WE REALLY LATE

OR DOES CLASS START
JUST A BIT TOO EARLY?"

WHAT ARE YOU DOING,

PRACTICING FOR
THE NERD OLYMPICS?

KIMMY, EVERYTHING IN
YOUR HOROSCOPE CAME TRUE.

NOW IT SAYS TO EXERCISE
EXTREME CAUTION AFTER DARK.

THAT'S WHY I'M SLEEPING
WITH MICHELLE'S NIGHT LIGHT.

WELL, I GUESS I BETTER
TELL YOU THE TRUTH, KID.

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT ASTROLOGY.

I JUST COPY THOSE HOROSCOPES
OUT OF OLD NEWSPAPERS.

YOU MEAN, THANKS TO THIS WOMAN,

I SPENT MY WHOLE DAY
FREAKING OUT OVER NOTHING?

HOW RUDE!

HEY, YOU STOLE MY CLOWN LIGHT.

MICHELLE, I JUST
NEEDED TO BORROW IT.

THAT'S MINE. YOU'RE
IN BIG TROUBLE, MISTER.

OW!

WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?

DID YOU SEE WHAT
MICHELLE JUST DID?

NO. MICHELLE, WHAT
DID YOU JUST DO?

I DID THIS.

OW!

MICHELLE, STOP
PINCHING STEPHANIE.

YOU SAID I COULD.

NO. NO. IT WAS DIFFERENT.

I SAID YOU COULD BEFORE
BECAUSE AARON TOOK YOUR COOKIE.

STEPHANIE TOOK MY LAMP.

YEAH, BUT IN ONE CASE SOMEBODY
TOOK SOMETHING THAT WAS YOURS.

BUT IN THE OTHER CASE,
SOMEBODY TOOK SOMETHING...

THAT WAS YOURS.

OH, BOY.

GIVE IT BACK OR
YOU'RE GETTING IT AGAIN.

WHOA, CRAB GIRL. PUT
AWAY THOSE PINCHERS.

COME ON. FOLLOW ME.

WE'RE GOING TO MY ROOM.

I'LL BE BACK FOR THE CLOWN.

ALL RIGHT, MICHELLE,

I'M GONNA HAVE TO HAVE ONE
OF OUR WORLD FAMOUS TALKS.

NOW... I'M NOT VERY
HAPPY ABOUT IT,

BUT YOUR UNCLE JESSE
WAS WRONG TODAY.

I KNOW. I'M AS
SHOCKED AS YOU ARE,

BUT I LOST MY COOL TODAY
AND I ACTED LIKE A BIG JERK.

NO PROBLEM.

WELL, IT IS A PROBLEM.

SEE, MICHELLE, WHEN I WAS A KID, I
USED TO GET IN A LOT OF FIGHTS AND

LOOKING BACK, I REALIZE THAT I
HANDLED THOSE FIGHTS ALL WRONG.

SHOULD'VE LED WITH MY JAB.

NO, JUST KIDDING. I'M NOT
PROUD OF THOSE FIGHTS.

NO PROBLEM.

WELL, WHAT I
SHOULD'VE SAID TODAY

WAS THAT IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM,

YOU SHOULD TRY TO
SOLVE IT WITH WORDS,

LIKE "KNOCK IT OFF" OR THE
EVER POPULAR "BUZZ OFF, BUCKO."

AND IF THAT DOESN'T WORK,

YOU SHOULD TRY TO FIND A
PARENT OR TEACHER TO HELP YOU.

BUT ABSOLUTELY NO
HITTING OR PINCHING.

CAPEESH?

CAPEESH. NO MORE PINCHING.

JESS, I CALLED MRS. MANNING

AND I STRAIGHTENED
EVERYTHING OUT.

MICHELLE, YOU'RE GOING
BACK TO SCHOOL TOMORROW.

OK, BUT IT'S SATURDAY.

MAKE THAT MONDAY, THEN.

DANNY, I STRAIGHTENED A
FEW THINGS OUT WITH MICHELLE.

MICHELLE, TELL YOUR DADDY
WHAT YOU LEARNED TODAY.

UNCLE JESSE IS A BIG JERK.

YOU TAUGHT HER THAT?

NO I DIDN'T TEACH HER THAT.

WELL, ACTUALLY, YEAH,
I DID TEACH HER THAT.

BUT I TAUGHT HER NO PINCHING.

THAT'S WHAT I TAUGHT HER.

DANNY, I'M SORRY. I
OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.

I SHOULD'VE TALKED TO
YOU ABOUT ALL THIS STUFF

BEFORE I TURNED MICHELLE
INTO A PRESCHOOL DROPOUT.

THAT'S OK, JESS. I KNOW YOU
WERE JUST TRYING TO PROTECT HER.

I JUST WISH THERE WAS SOME
WAY I COULD MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT? THERE IS.

YOU ARE A VERY LUCKY MAN.

BECAUSE I TOLD THE SCHOOL

YOU WERE GONNA BE THE
SPECIAL HELPER ALL NEXT WEEK.

ISN'T THAT GOOD NEWS, MICHELLE?

THAT MAKES ME VERY HAPPY.

COME HERE, HONEY.

OH, BOY.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE FUN
IN PRESCHOOL NEXT WEEK.

YOU'RE GONNA PLAY GUITAR
FOR THE KIDS, YOU KNOW,

DO A LOT OF ELVIS SONGS,

THEN YOU CAN SIT IN ONE
OF THOSE LITTLE CHAIRS.

OH, THAT'S GREAT.

CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.