Full House (1987–1995): Season 4, Episode 8 - Shape Up - full transcript

OK, SHORTY.

WHAT CEREAL HAVE YOU BEEN BUGGING
YOUR UNCLE JESSE TO BUY FOR BREAKFAST?

FIBER BEARS!

YOU GOT IT, DUDE.

I'M GLAD I WOKE YOU UP.

ME, TOO.

IF YOU HADN'T COME IN AND
JUMPED ON MY STOMACH,

I'D HAVE MISSED A BEAUTIFUL
SUNRISE THIS MORNING.

I'LL GET THE MILK.

HERE HE IS. PARTY TEDDY.

MICHELLE, WHAT ABOUT BREAKFAST?



TWO EGGS. OVER EASY.

THANK YOU.

I'LL OVER EASY YOU.

COME HERE!

♪ AHH ♪

♪ AHH ♪

♪ WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO PREDICTABILITY ♪

♪ THE MILKMAN, THE PAPER BOY ♪

♪ EVENIN' TV ♪

♪ HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE ♪

♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE ♪

♪ THIS OLD WORLD'S ♪

♪ CONFUSIN' ME ♪

♪ CLOUDS AS MEAN
AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN ♪



♪ AIN'T A BIRD WHO
KNOWS YOUR TUNE ♪

♪ THEN A LITTLE VOICE
INSIDE YOU WHISPERS ♪

♪ KID, DON'T SELL YOUR
DREAMS SO SOON ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ THERE'S A HEART ♪

♪ A HAND TO HOLD ONTO ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ THERE'S A FACE OF
SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE ♪

♪ AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE ♪

♪ A LIGHT IS WAITIN' ♪

♪ TO CARRY YOU HOME ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ DO BE DO BA BA DA ♪♪

CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

HEY, DEEJ, LOOK WHAT I GOT
IN SCHOOL TODAY. A RECORDER.

ANY REQUESTS?

YES.

PLEASE DON'T PLAY.

ON TOP OF OLD
SMOKEY? YOU GOT IT.

[BLOWS BAD NOTE]

OH, YEAH. THAT'S NOT
GOING TO DRIVE ME NUTS.

THIS HAPPENS TO BE MY HOMEWORK

FOR MUSIC APPRECIATION.

WELL, WHEN IT
HAPPENS TO BE MUSIC,

I'LL APPRECIATE IT.

NOW, WILL YOU PLEASE
PRACTICE SOMEWHERE ELSE?

I'M MAKING A COLLAGE FOR
KIMMY'S BIRTHDAY CARD.

HOWDY, GIRLS.

KIMMY, YOU'RE NOT
SUPPOSED TO BE IN THIS ROOM.

I'VE BEEN TELLING
HER THAT FOR YEARS.

HERE'S YOUR INVITATION TO
MY SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY.

YOU'RE THROWING YOURSELF
A SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY?

YEAH, AND THIS IS THE
FACE I'M GONNA USE.

"YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED

"TO ATTEND KIMMY'S FABULOUS
14th SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY

AT THE EXCELSIOR HOTEL"?

WHOA! HOW DID YOU SWING THAT?

MY BROTHER GARTH IS A BELLHOP.

HE CAN SNEAK US
INTO THE POOL AREA.

OH, BUT IF ANYONE
ASKS... YOU ARE...

HEATHER ZINK, FROM PHILADELPHIA,

AND YOU'RE STAYING IN ROOM 1541.

YOU'RE HAVING A POOL
PARTY IN NOVEMBER?

WHAT A DUMB IDEA.

NO, THEY HAVE AN INDOOR POOL.

TOMORROW WE CAN GO
SHOPPING FOR NEW BATHING SUITS.

THIS PARTY'S GONNA BE SO RAD.

YEAH, RAD FOR YOU. BECAUSE
YOU HAVE THE PERFECT BODY.

ME? THE PERFECT BODY?

WELL, I GUESS I CAN'T
ARGUE WITH YOU THERE.

THERE IS NO WAY I'M WEARING A
BATHING SUIT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE

UNTIL I LOOK LIKE
ONE OF THESE MODELS.

BUT, D.J., YOU'RE
MY BEST FRIEND.

YOU'VE GOTTA COME TO MY PARTY.

ALL RIGHT. I'LL COME.

BUT THIS MEANS I'VE ONLY
GOT TWO WEEKS TO GET SKINNY,

STARTING RIGHT NOW.

SO NO MORE COOKIES.

HOW DO YOU STAY SO THIN?

WELL, I EXERCISE,

LIKE WAIST BENDS, FOR EXAMPLE.

AND 1 AND 2 AND 3 AND 4.

AND THEN I WATCH WHAT I EAT.

THIS LOOKS GOOD.

HEY, IS ANYBODY HOME? HI, DEEJ.

HI.

WOW, I GUESS YOUR DAD
AND THE GUYS WILL LIKE THESE

A LOT BETTER THAN
MICHELLE'S FINGER-PAINTINGS.

LOOKING AT THESE MODELS

IS GONNA HELP ME STAY
OUT OF THE REFRIGERATOR.

WHY? ARE YOU TRYING
TO LOSE WEIGHT?

I'VE GOT TWO WEEKS
TO LOOK LIKE YOU.

DO YOU MIND IF I SCOTCH TAPE
YOU TO THE REFRIGERATOR?

DEEJ, IF YOU WANNA
LOSE A COUPLE OF POUNDS,

ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS EAT SENSIBLY.

YOU COULD HAVE BROILED FISH,
LEAN CHICKEN WITHOUT THE SKIN,

FRESH FRUITS, DELICIOUS
STEAMED VEGETABLES,

A NICE WHOLE GRAIN PASTA
WITH A LIGHT TOMATO SAUCE

AND JUST A SPRINKLING
OF PARMESAN CHEESE...

BECKY, I'M TRYING TO
KEEP MY MIND OFF OF FOOD.

SORRY.

THE IMPORTANT THING IS JUST
KEEPING JUNK FOOD OUT OF THE HOUSE.

CAKE'S HERE.

UH, JESS... MAYBE WE
SHOULD DO THAT LATER.

OH. THAT'S OK, BECKY.
I DON'T NEED ANY CAKE.

I'LL JUST HAVE ONE OF THESE
DELICIOUS WATER POPS I MADE.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY!
IN THE KITCHEN!

I NEED SOME OPINIONS!

FREE CAKE!

FREE CAKE?

CAKE?

DID YOU SAY SOMETHING'S FREE?

I'M COMING, I'M
COMING, I'M COMING!

I'M HERE.

ALL RIGHT, WE NEED YOU GUYS

TO HELP ME AND BECKY
PICK OUT A WEDDING CAKE.

I THOUGHT WE DECIDED
ON A CHOCOLATE CAKE.

WELL, WE DID,

BUT CHOCOLATE'S NOT
JUST CHOCOLATE ANYMORE.

SEE WHAT I MEAN?

WHOA, BABY!

YOU SEE, YOU GOT YOUR DARK
CHOCOLATE, YOUR WHITE CHOCOLATE,

YOUR CHUNKY CHOCOLATE,
YOUR MOCHO CHOCO-CHOCOLATE,

YOUR DOUBLE FUDGE CHOCOLATE,

YOUR TRIPLE CHOCOLATE
CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE...

AND CARROT CAKE.

WELL, THE CARROT CAKE
WAS SITTING THERE SO LONELY.

NO ONE PICKS CARROT CAKE.

LET'S PIG OUT.

NOW, NOW, MICHELLE,
YOU'RE NOT BEING VERY POLITE.

I'M SORRY. LET'S
PIG OUT, PLEASE.

COME ON, DEEJ. YOU'RE
GONNA MISS THE CAKE.

OH, WHO NEEDS CAKE WHEN
YOU CAN LICK ICE ON A STICK?

MMM. WET AND COLD,
AND... THAT'S ABOUT IT.

I CAN'T TAKE IT. I
NEED THAT CAKE.

WHOA, MICHELLE.

MICHE...

ALL RIGHT.

MICHELLE.

MICHELLE.

WHICH ONE DO YOU LIKE BEST?

CHOCOLATE.

LET'S GO GIVE HER A BATH.

YEAH.

WEIGH-IN TIME. I HATE THIS PART.

YOU NEED SOME WEIGHING MUSIC.

[HITS BAD NOTE]

STEPH, HAVE MERCY
ON MY EARS, WILL YOU?

THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT.

TWO DAYS, AND I'VE
LOST 1/2 A POUND?

I'M GOING OFF THIS STUPID DIET.

GOOD. YOU DON'T NEED
TO BE ON A DIET, ANYWAY.

YOU WANNA SHAPE UP A
LITTLE BIT, JUST EXERCISE.

I WANT YOU TO WORK
OUT AT MICHELLE'S GYM.

OH, YEAH, LIKE I REALLY
WANT MICHELLE'S BODY.

THEY HAVE AN ADULT
GYM DOWN THERE, TOO.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. SATURDAY,

WE'LL GET THE WHOLE
FAMILY TO GO DOWN,

THEY CAN ALL USE
A LITTLE TONING UP.

OF COURSE, IN MY CASE,

I'D JUST BE... TONING TONE.

I'LL PROVIDE THE WORKOUT MUSIC.

[HITS BAD NOTE]

STEPHANIE... YES, MICHELLE?

YOU ARE NOT GOOD.

NO, IT'S JUST SHE'S
MISSING ONE NOTE.

HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU
THE NOTE. OBSERVE.

[HITS BAD NOTE]

[HITS BAD NOTE]

YOU ARE NOT GOOD, TOO.

WAIT A MINUTE.
SOMETHING'S STUCK IN HERE.

THAT'S WHERE I STUCK MY GUM.

THAT IS NOT FUNNY.

AW, LOOK AT THAT, COMET.
YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF.

THAT'S WHAT I GET
FOR SHOWING OFF.

DOING DISHES?

ANOTHER BIG
SATURDAY, HUH, MR. T?

IT'S GOOD TO SEE
YOU, TOO, KIMMY.

D.J., YOU MISSED LUNCH, BUT

I SAVED YOU A SANDWICH.

OH... WELL, GREAT. THANKS, DAD.

HEY, CHECK OUT MY NEW
BATHING SUIT FOR MY POOL PARTY.

IT'S YOU, KIMMY... LOUD.

D.J., YOU EAT UP. WE'RE
ALL GOING TO THE GYM.

I'M SKIPPING LUNCH.

DO YOU WANT MY SANDWICH?

YEAH, SURE.

HAM? AGAIN?

I'VE BEEN EATING YOUR
LUNCH FOR THREE DAYS AND

EVERY SANDWICH IS HAM.

DID YOUR DAD HIT
A PIG WITH HIS CAR?

GOODBYE, KIMMY.

D.J., YOU'RE GIVING
YOUR LUNCHES TO KIMMY?

YEAH, SO WHAT?

YOU'VE BEEN SKIPPING
BREAKFAST AND DINNER, TOO.

I'M NOT AN EXPERT ON THIS BUT...

SHOULDN'T A PERSON EAT?

UH, YOU'RE RIGHT, STEPH.
I'LL EAT MY SANDWICH.

YOU PROMISE?

I PROMISE.

MUCH BETTER.

NOW GET YOURSELF AN
APPLE AND A GLASS OF MILK.

AND YOUR BASIC FOOD
GROUPS ARE COVERED.

COME HERE, COMET.

LOOK WHAT I HAVE FOR
YOU... PEOPLE FOOD.

YOU'RE LUCKY.

DOGS DON'T HAVE TO
WEAR BATHING SUITS.

D.J.! YOU PROMISED YOU'D
EAT YOUR SANDWICH. YOU LIED.

COMET STOLE IT
RIGHT OUR OF MY HAND.

YOU'RE LYING AGAIN.

NO, I'M NOT.

LIE NUMBER THREE.
WHEN WILL THIS END?

LOOK, STEPH.

I'VE GOT ONE WEEK TO
LOOK GOOD IN A BATHING SUIT

IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS.

YOU KNOW, WHEN THE PARTY'S
OVER, I'LL START EATING AGAIN.

BUT UNTIL THEN,
THIS IS OUR SECRET.

NOW GIVE ME YOUR PINKIE.

NO, NOT THE PINKIE.

YES, THE PINKIE. YOU
HAVE TO PINKIE SWEAR

THAT YOU WON'T TELL
ANYONE I HAVEN'T BEEN EATING.

NOW HOOK UP.

NOW SAY IT.

PINKIE SWEAR.

PINKIE SWEAR.

BUT I DON'T LIKE IT.

WELL, TOO BAD.
YOUR LIPS ARE SEALED.

IT SMELLS LIKE A
SWEAT SOCK IN HERE.

YEP, THESE ARE MY PEOPLE.

WHAT DO YOU BENCH, DUDE?

505.

BEGINNER, HUH?

IT'S COOL.

IT BETTER BE.

HEY, MISTER, YOU ARE VERY LUMPY.

I HOPE YOU'RE NOT OFFENDED.

BUT IF YOU ARE,

THAT'S HER FATHER RIGHT THERE.

SO WHAT'S THE BEST WAY
TO BURN OFF CALORIES?

WELL, YOU MAKE IT FUN.

YOU COULD RIDE A BIKE. I LOVED
RIDING A BIKE WHEN I WAS A KID.

OF COURSE, MY BANANA SEAT HUFFY
DIDN'T HAVE AN ONBOARD COMPUTER.

SWEETHEART, START
OFF SLOW ON NUMBER 1.

YOU DON'T WANNA DO
TOO MUCH TOO SOON, OKAY?

GOT IT.

COME ON, STEPH, LET'S GO
STRETCH BEFORE AEROBICS CLASS.

TO THE KIDDIE GYM.
BOYS, FOLLOW ME.

1... 2... 1... 2... TO
THE KIDDIE GYM.

1... 2... 1... 2...

HI, ZACHARY.

HI, KELSEY.

HI, KID I DON'T KNOW.

ALRIGHT, MICHELLE,
SHOW US YOUR STUFF.

HERE, LOOSEN UP FIRST.

1... 2... 3... READY, FREDDY.

MICHELLE TANNER WILL NOW COMPETE

IN THE IRON MUNCHKIN TRIATHLON.

THE FIRST EVENT...
OOH, THE TRAMPOLINE.

I LOVE THIS.

LET'S SEE THAT
AGAIN IN SLOW MOTION.

I... LOVE... THIS.

OK.

OOH, THE NEXT EVENT...
THE BALANCE BEAM.

OOH... REMEMBER, FOLKS,

SHE'S WORKING WITHOUT A NET.

AND NOW FOR THE BIG FINISH...

MICHELLE WILL ATTEMPT

A SINGLE-TUCK
SOMERSAULT WITH NO TWIST.

OOH... OOH...

WE NEED COMPLETE
SILENCE AS SHE PREPARES.

OOH, SHE'S PSYCHED UP.

AND... THERE SHE GOES!

TA-DA!

A PERFECT 10!

I AM PUMPED.

COME ON, DANNY. DIG
DEEP. YOU CAN DO IT.

ALL RIGHT, YOU GOT
ONE MORE IN YOU.

COME ON, GIVE US ONE MORE.

AND... 2!

TAKE IT, GUYS, TAKE IT.

OH... THANKS FOR PUSHING ME.

[MACHINE BEEPS]

AEROBICS TIME.

COME ON, BOYS.

I'M NOT GOING TO AEROBICS.

ME, NEITHER.

COME ONE, WE DON'T
WANNA BE LATE FOR AEROBICS.

ME, NEITHER.

ME, NEITHER.

[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]

OKAY, LET'S KEEP IT
MOVING OUT THERE!

WORK THOSE BODIES!

1... 2... 3... 4...
COME ON, GUYS.

STARING AT WOMEN
IS NOT A WORKOUT.

OH, YEAH? IT'S GOT MY
HEART GOING PRETTY GOOD.

YOU GUYS GONNA MAKE IT HERE?

YES. YES. YES.

OH, YEAH?

DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TEARS IN
YOUR EYES WHEN YOU EXERCISE?

YES. YES. YES.

LET'S MOVE UP FRONT.

MAYBE IT'LL HELP IF
YOU CAN SEE ME BETTER.

IT COULDN'T HURT.

MOVE THOSE LEGS, BOYS! COME ON!

MOVE IT UP HERE!

ALL RIGHT, NOW, CRANK IT UP!

1... 2... 3... 4!

5... 6... 7... 8!

FEEL THAT BURN!

I'M BURNING, I'M BURNING.

OH, I'M BURNING.

ALL RIGHT, AND REST!

OH... OH... OH... D.J.'S
GOT TO SEE THIS.

ALL RIGHT. NOW THAT WE'RE ALL
WARMED UP, LET'S START THE CLASS.

I'M GONNA GO WORK
OUT WITH MICHELLE.

I BETTER GO WITH YOU.

I BETTER STAY HERE.

WHY?

'CAUSE I CAN'T MOVE.

DEEJ, COME OVER TO AEROBICS.
YOU'RE MISSING THE FUN.

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

DAD! D.J.!

D.J., ARE YOU OK?

YEAH, I JUST GOT A LITTLE DIZZY.

HERE, DRINK THIS.

HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW, DEEJ?

UH, I'M OK.

I GUESS I JUST OVERDID IT.

BUT, D.J... STEPH, I'M OK.

I THINK WE BETTER GO
GET MICHELLE AND GO HOME.

COME ON.

HI, GUYS. HEY, D.J.

YOU FEELING BETTER
AFTER YOUR NAP, HONEY?

YEAH, I'M AS GOOD AS NEW.

ARE YOU SURE?

YES, I'M SURE.

ARE YOU REALLY SURE?

WOULD EVERYBODY QUIT MAKING
SUCH A BIG DEAL ABOUT THIS?

DEEJ, I MADE YOUR
FAVORITE... CHICKEN PARMESAN.

COME HERE AND
CHECK OUT THIS SAUCE.

I... CAN'T.

I JUST BRUSHED MY TEETH.

BEFORE DINNER?

DOESN'T ANYBODY CARE ABOUT
DENTAL HYGIENE AROUND HERE?

WHOA, D.J., CALM DOWN.

I HAPPEN TO CARE
VERY DEEPLY ABOUT

OUR FAMILY'S TEETH AND GUMS.

NOW, WHAT'S GOING ON?

NOTHING IS GOING ON.

I'M GOING TO KIMMY'S FOR DINNER.

DON'T BELIEVE HER, DAD.

STEPH, YOU PINKIE SWORE.

I DON'T CARE. I DON'T
WANT YOU TO GET SICK.

DAD, I KNOW WHY
D.J.'S ACTING SO CRANKY

AND WHY SHE GOT DIZZY TODAY.

SHE HASN'T EATEN
ANYTHING IN THREE DAYS.

IS THAT TRUE?

YOU HAVEN'T EATEN
ANYTHING IN THREE DAYS?

D.J., I THINK YOU SHOULD
SIT DOWN AND EAT RIGHT NOW.

I CAN'T. I'M FINALLY
STARTING TO LOSE WEIGHT.

D.J. YOU'RE STARVING YOURSELF.

YOU COULD DO SERIOUS
DAMAGE TO YOUR BODY.

DEEJ, THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR CAN
LEAD TO SERIOUS EATING DISORDERS...

ANOREXIA, BULIMIA.

YOU'RE HEADED DOWN A
DANGEROUS ROAD HERE.

I DON'T CARE.

I'M THE ONE THAT HAS TO WEAR
THE BATHING SUIT NEXT WEEK.

IT'S MY LIFE AND I CAN
DO WHATEVER I WANT.

DEEJ, HANG ON A MINUTE.

I HOPE SHE'S NOT MAD AT ME.

NAH. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING.

SHE'S LUCKY TO HAVE
A SISTER LIKE YOU.

D.J., WE HAVE TO TALK.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I
DON'T LIKE THE WAY I LOOK.

I WANNA LOOK LIKE THESE MODELS.

WHY?

BECAUSE THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.

WELL, SO ARE YOU.

OH, YEAH?

WELL SHOW ME ONE GIRL IN
HERE WITH THIS ROUND FACE

AND THESE CHARLIE BROWN CHEEKS.

HONEY,

PEOPLE COME IN ALL
DIFFERENT SHAPES AND SIZES.

EVERYBODY WISHES
THEY COULD CHANGE

SOMETHING ABOUT THEMSELVES.

HECK, WHEN I WAS A KID,
I WISHED I COULD'VE BEEN

MORE LIKE THAT GUY
ON THE INCREDIBLE HULK.

YOU WANNA BE A BIG GREEN
MONSTER WITH MUSCLES?

NO, NOT HIM, THE OTHER GUY.

THE GUY THAT
TURNED INTO THE HULK.

[SIGHS] HE WAS JUST
NICE AND AVERAGE.

HE WASN'T TOO TALL,
HE WASN'T TOO SKINNY.

HE DIDN'T STICK OUT
LIKE I THOUGHT I DID.

THEN I REALIZED HE DIDN'T
HAVE IT SO EASY, EITHER.

EVERY TIME HE LOST HIS TEMPER,

HE HAD TO BUY A NEW SHIRT.

WELL YOU MADE ME
SMILE, BUT THERE'S STILL

NO WAY I'M WEARING
A BATHING SUIT

IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS.

OK, LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.

WHY DO YOU LIKE YOUR FRIENDS?

BECAUSE THEY'RE NICE,

AND WE HAVE FUN TOGETHER,

AND WE DO STUFF FOR EACH OTHER.

NOT BECAUSE THEY
ALL LOOK LIKE MODELS?

NO.

MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE
DEEP DOWN INSIDE YOU KNOW

THAT HOW A PERSON
LOOKS ON THE OUTSIDE

ISN'T NEARLY AS IMPORTANT

AS WHO THEY ARE
ON THE INSIDE, RIGHT?

RIGHT.

HONEY, I JUST WISH YOU
WOULD TRY TO SEE YOURSELF

THE WAY YOU SEE YOUR FRIENDS.

DEEJ, YOU GOT SUCH A GOOD HEART.

YOU CARE ABOUT PEOPLE.

THAT'S WHY PEOPLE
CARE ABOUT YOU.

AND EVERYBODY WHO
KNOWS THE REAL D.J.

THINKS SHE'S PRETTY TERRIFIC.

THANKS, DAD.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

THAT'S WHY I WANT YOU
TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

I WANT YOU TO PROMISE ME
THAT YOU'RE GONNA EAT HEALTHY

AND EXERCISE THE RIGHT WAY.

I PROMISE.

NO MORE CRASH DIETS.

I'M GONNA GO TO KIMMY'S PARTY

AND HAVE FUN WITH MY FRIENDS.

GREAT. ANYTHING ELSE
YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT?

YEAH.

IS DINNER READY?

LET'S GO CHECK.

WELL FIRST, I'LL START
OUT WITH A SALAD,

DRESSING ON THE SIDE.

OOH.

A ROLL WITH NO BUTTER...

CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.