Full House (1987–1995): Season 2, Episode 12 - Fogged In - full transcript

MICHELLE, I'M PREPARING MY ACT.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE IMPRESSION?

JAY LENO?

SO, HAVE YOU SEEN
THIS IN THE PAPER?

THIS NEVER HAPPENS TO US.

IT ALWAYS HAPPENS TO TWO
WACKY BROTHERS IN IDAHO.

UH... IS IT, UH,
RODNEY DANGERFIELD?

OH, BOY, I GET NO RESPECT.

WHEN I WAS BABY,

MY PARENTS USED TO
SAVE THE DIRTY DIAPERS

AND THROW ME AWAY.



YOU DON'T KNOW
COMEDY WHEN YOU SEE IT.

NO SPEC.

NO RESPECT?

ME FUNNY.

YOU FUNNY?

YOU LITTLE MONSTER! ARRRR.

KISS.

♪ WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO PREDICTABILITY ♪

♪ THE MILKMAN, THE
PAPER BOY, EVENING TV ♪

♪ HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE ♪

♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE ♪

♪ THIS OLD WORLD'S
CONFUSIN' ME ♪

♪ CLOUDS AS MEAN
AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN ♪

♪ THERE AIN'T A BIRD
WHO KNOWS YOUR TUNE ♪



♪ THEN A LITTLE VOICE
INSIDE YOU WHISPERS ♪

♪ KID, DON'T SELL YOUR
DREAMS SO SOON ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ THERE'S A HEART,
THERE'S A HEART ♪

♪ A HAND TO HOLD ONTO ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ THERE'S A FACE ♪

♪ OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE ♪

♪ AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE ♪

♪ A LIGHT IS WAITIN'
TO CARRY YOU HOME ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ DOOBIE DOO BAH BAH DAH ♪♪

MICHELLE, THAT SMELLS DELICIOUS.

WHAT ARE YOU MAKING?

MAKE EGG.

EGGS.

OH, LOOK, AND YOU PREPARED
THEM MY FAVORITE WAY.

POLYVINYL SIDE UP.

DADDY, CAN YOU MAKE
FRENCH TOAST FOR BREAKFAST?

DON'T LISTEN TO HER.

WAFFLES, WAFFLES!

FRENCH TOAST!

WAFFLES!

HEY! HOLD IT!

WE'LL GO TO THE TIE-BREAKER.

MICHELLE, YOU WANT
FRENCH TOAST OR WAFFLES?

COOKIES.

I CAN LIVE WITH THAT.

JESS.

YOU BETTER CHECK YOUR
MOUSSE'S EXPIRATION DATE.

I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE
LOOK SO WIPED OUT.

WELL, JOSEPH, WE DID IT.

WE STAYED UP AND
FINISHED THAT JINGLE, PAL.

YEAH, THAT SUNRISE
WAS REAL INSPIRING.

GOOD MORNING!

I'M HERE FOR THE WEEKEND.

AAH! AAH!

THEY'RE JUST KIDDING.

KIMMY, WE'RE GOING
TO HAVE SO MUCH FUN.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'LL GET IT.

THANKS FOR LETTING
ME STAY, MR. TANNER.

I'M ALLERGIC TO DAIRY PRODUCTS,

FEATHER PILLOWS,
AND SIX-YEAR-OLDS.

DON'T LOOK AT ME.

I'M 6 3/4.

YOUR PARENTS ARE
RETURNING SUNDAY, RIGHT?

ABSOLUTELY.

WEDNESDAY, AT THE LATEST.

WHO WANTS TO
CHIP IN FOR A HOTEL?

JOEY?

CHERYL.

ARE YOU THE SAME
JOEY I'VE BEEN DATING?

UM, NO. I'M JOEY'S GRUNGY
TWIN BROTHER, SLOPPY JOE.

I'LL GET HANDSOME JOE.

WAIT. I STOPPED BY

TO SEE IF YOU WANT TO
GO SKIING THIS WEEKEND.

REALLY? YOU WANT
TO GO AWAY WITH ME

KNOWING THIS COULD
HAPPEN TOMORROW MORNING?

WELL, YOU HAVEN'T
SEEN MY EVIL TWIN YET...

NO MAKE-UP CHERYL!

I'LL PICK YOU UP AROUND 5:00.

MMM. STRAWBERRY JELLY DOUGHNUT.

I'LL PICK UP A DOZEN
FOR THE WEEKEND.

BYE, JOEY.

BYE.

SEE YOU.

OH, ALL RIGHT!

♪ EVERYBODY'S DOIN' A
BRAND NEW DANCE NOW ♪

♪ COME ON, BABY,
DO THE LOCOMOTION ♪

♪ I KNOW YOU'LL GET TO LIKE IT ♪

♪ IF YOU GIVE IT A CHANCE NOW ♪

♪ COME ON, BABY, DO
THE LOCOMOTION ♪♪

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

THE LOCOMOTION.

WHERE DID YOU GET THIS TAPE?

IN THERE.

I HOPE YOU DIDN'T ERASE

MY CASA DE PANCAKES JINGLE.

♪ COME ON, BABY, DO
THE LOCOMOTION ♪♪

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

THE LOCOMOTION.

♪ CASA DE PANCAKES, OLE ♪♪

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! IT'S GONE!

NOW I HAVE TO DO
THE WHOLE THING OVER.

NOT EVERYTHING.

YOU STILL GOT ♪ CASA
DE PANCAKES, OLE ♪♪

NOW, D.J., YOU
SHOULDN'T BE IN MY ROOM

WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.

BUT I... I DON'T
WANT TO HEAR IT!

WHY DIDN'T YOU CHECK THE
TAPE BEFORE RECORDING?

GET OUT BEFORE I GET MAD!

BEFORE?

I'M SORRY. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

DON'T WORRY, BECAUSE I'LL
NEVER COME IN HERE AGAIN.

WHAT HAPPENED?

THEY RUINED MY JINGLE TAPE.

I'LL HAVE TO DO THIS
WHOLE THING OVER.

AREN'T YOU OVERREACTING?

OVERREACTING? I'M
NOT OVERREACTING!

I SPENT THE WHOLE
NIGHT DOING IT!

NOW MY WHOLE LIFE IS RUINED!

OK, NOW I'M OVERREACTING.

JESS.

YOU LOST YOUR TEMPER, HUH?

WELL, SHE SHOULDN'T
BE IN HERE...

I'M JUST TIRED. I LOST MY COOL.

I DID COME DOWN
ON HER PRETTY HARD.

SHE'LL BE OK?

YOU BETTER STRAIGHTEN THIS OUT.

YEAH. OK.

I KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THIS.

GOOD.

JESSE.

HUH?

DO YOU NEED A HUG?

HAVEN'T I BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH?

HI, MICHELLE.

WHAT A DAY.

D.J. WAS PLAYING ALL DAY
WITH KIMMY GIBBLE-BURGER.

I DON'T BELIEVE I'M
GOING TO SAY THIS, BUT...

WOULD YOU PLAY WITH ME?

NO.

PLEASE. PRETTY PLEASE.

I'LL PLAY ANYTHING YOU WANT.

HORSEY.

OK. HOP ON.

GO, HORSEY.

GRAB ON.

MR. BEAR, I CAN'T BELIEVE
I'VE SUNK THIS LOW.

DEEJ, I NEED TO SEE YOU!

WHAT DID I DO NOW?

NOTHING. I GOT A
SURPRISE FOR YOU.

CAREFUL. IT COULD BE A TRICK.

IT'S NOT A TRICK, HUH?

TA-DA!

"HARRY LEVIN TRIO"?

I GOT A GOOD DEAL.

HARRY'S RETURNING TO THE DELI.

DEEJ, THEY'RE FOR YOU.

FOR ME?

WHY?

TO MAKE SURE WE WERE BUDDIES.

WE COOL NOW?

I GUESS.

ALL RIGHT! THIS IS GREAT.

THANKS FOR THE SKINS, BUD.

OK. GIVE THEM A TRY.

OK.

HOW AM I DOING?

WELL, YOU'RE FACING
THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

UH, WELL, LET ME SHOW YOU.

I PLAYED A LITTLE IN
JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL.

SEE, YOU START WITH
THE BASS DRUM LIKE THIS...

THEN ADD THE SNARE,

THEN YOU ADD THE HI-HAT...

THEN BEFORE LONG YOU GET THIS.

WHAT A WELCOME.

LOOK. WE GOT DRUMS.

NO. WE GOT DRUMS.

NO. I GOT DRUMS.

WE BETTER GET TO TAHOE.

BETTER HURRY.

THE FOG'S GETTING THICK.

HOW THICK IS IT?

I WOULDN'T SAY IT'S
AS THICK AS PEA SOUP,

BUT PEOPLE ARE THROWING
CROUTONS OUT THEIR WINDOWS.

LET'S HAVE SOME APPLAUSE
FOR THE HARRY LEVIN TRIO.

THANK YOU. YOU'RE A NUTTY GUY.

THANK YOU, BOYS.

DON'T FORGET TO TURN
OFF THE BUBBLE MACHINE.

BYE.

HOW YOU DOING, PA?

HEY!

HEY, JESS. LOOKING GOOD.

YOU, TOO.

THANKS. THANKS.

HOW'S IT GOING, DADDY-O?

EVERYTHING IS GREAT!

I THOUGHT I'D FIND YOU HERE.

GIRLS, YOUR
GRANDPA'S MOVING IN...

FOREVER.

GIVE GRANDMA A HUG.

HI, GRANDMA.

WHAT DID YOU DO?

I SIMPLY SUGGESTED
THAT SHE SPEND

LESS TIME AT NIGHT SCHOOL

AND CONCENTRATE ON HER
DOMESTIC RESPONSIBILITIES.

HIS EXACT WORDS WERE,

"YO, IRENE! DROP OUT
OF THAT FLAKY COLLEGE.

COME MAKE ME DINNER."

I DON'T TALK LIKE THAT!

YOU DO!

WHOA! THERE'S KIDS IN HERE.

D.J., I DIDN'T KNOW YOU
COULD PLAY THE DRUMS.

I CAN'T. LISTEN.

OH, NO.

THAT RACKET IS
COMING FROM MY HOUSE.

UNCLE JESSE BOUGHT
ME THESE DRUMS.

OH, DID HE REALLY?

OH, GOOD OLD UNCLE J.

UNCLE J.

HMM?

COULD I SEE YOU IN
THE K, RIGHT AWAY?

WHY, YES, YOU MAY.

WHEN CAN I HAVE A TURN?

RIGHT AFTER I GET GOOD.

SO I GUESS THE ANSWER IS NEVER.

DRUMS.

DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?

DANNY, EVERY KID IN
AMERICA WANTS DRUMS.

GOOD. THEN WE'LL HAVE
NO TROUBLE SELLING THEM.

[DRUMMING]

WILL YOU PLEASE
STOP THAT DRUMMING?

OH, SORRY.

WHAT POSSESSED YOU TO BUY DRUMS?

I FELT BAD YELLING AT HER.

I BOUGHT HER SOMETHING
TO MAKE THINGS BETTER.

THAT'S HOW YOU SOLVE PROBLEMS...

YOU BUY THE KID OFF?

IT WORKED.

SHE LOVES ME. ANY PROBLEM?

MY PROBLEM IS, INSTEAD
OF TALKING TO D.J.,

YOU WENT OUT AND BOUGHT HER

THE WORLD'S MOST OBNOXIOUS GIFT.

A THOUSAND APOLOGIES FOR
BRINGING THE JOY OF MUSIC

INTO A GIRL'S LIFE.

JESSE... DON'T WORRY.
I'LL HANDLE THIS.

DEEJ, I'VE GOT BAD NEWS.

DANNY DOESN'T WANT
YOU HAVING DRUMS.

THEY'RE A PRESENT FROM JESSE.

THAT'S NOT FAIR.

THANKS, JESS.

I'M THE BAD GUY.

LET THE KID HAVE A DRUM.

NICK, LET THEM WORK IT OUT.

NOW THAT I LIVE HERE,
I SHOULD BE INVOLVED.

YOU LIVE HERE NOW?

NICK'LL TELL YOU ABOUT IT.

THEN, CALL ME.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
REALLY HAPPENED.

GOODBYE, EVERYBODY.

BYE, MOM. BYE-BYE.

SHE'LL BE BACK.

I'M BACK.

DID I CALL IT?

I'M BACK BECAUSE OF THE FOG.

I COULDN'T SEE THE STEPS.

LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE
MOVING IN, TOO.

WELL, ISN'T THIS GREAT?

HERE WE ARE, ALL
FOGGED IN TOGETHER,

ONE BIG HAPPY
FAMILY, AND OF COURSE,

THE HARRY LEVIN TRIO.

DID YOU DECIDE ABOUT MY DRUMS?

I'LL SLEEP ON IT.

ISN'T IT BETTER TO
SLEEP ON YOUR BED?

CAME TO SAY GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT.

NIGHT, DANNY.

GOOD NIGHT, HONEY.

THANKS. OK.

GOOD NIGHT, HONEY. GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT.

I'M SLEEPING IN JOEY'S ROOM

IN CASE ANYBODY WANTS
TO BEG FOR FORGIVENESS.

GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT.

OK, EVERYBODY IN BED.

DAD, HOW COME
EVERYBODY'S MAD TONIGHT?

MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE
KIMMY GIBBLER'S HERE.

I DON'T THINK SO.

MAYBE.

"I MEANT WHAT I SAID

"AND SAID WHAT I MEANT.

AN ELEPHANT'S FAITHFUL 100%"

LOOK AT THAT ELEPHANT.

LOOK AT THAT ELEPHANT.

HI.

WANTED TO CHECK ON MICHELLE.

DON'T WORRY. I DIDN'T
BUY HER A THING.

SO, MICHELLE, WHERE WERE WE?

OH, YES.

SO, THE NICE, HANDSOME
PRINCE WITH GREAT HAIR

GAVE THE YOUNG PRINCESS

A MAGICAL, MUSICAL GIFT.

THEN, THE TALL, GEEKY GIANT

CAME IN AND TOOK THE GIFT AWAY.

THE PRINCESS WAS SO SAD.

AND THAT, WAS THE
DAY THE MUSIC DIED.

GIVE ME MY KID.

GEEKY GIANT.

YEAH, MICHELLE,

THAT WAS MY FAVORITE PART, TOO.

GIVE ME A KISS.

LET ME TELL YOU THE REAL STORY.

ONCE UPON A TIME,

THE TALL AND LEAN
AND ELEGANT PRINCE

FROM THE LAND OF WISDOM

CAME TO SAVE THE PRINCESS

FROM THE HOT-HEADED TROUBADOUR

WHO SPENT TOO
MUCH TIME ON HIS HAIR.

GEEKY GIANT.

[SNORING]

DOES SHE SNORE LOUD

'CAUSE SHE HAS ALL
THAT AIR IN HER HEAD?

THIS IS SO WEIRD.

SHE NEVER SNORES WHEN
SHE'S SLEEPING IN CLASS.

LET'S GET HER OUT OF HERE.

COME ON, KIMMY. GET UP.

IT'S TIME FOR YOUR SLEEP WALK.

COME ON.

COME ON.

I PITY THE FOOL WHO
MARRIES THIS WOMAN.

LET'S GO.

COME ON.

COME ON.

LET'S VISIT YOUR NEW BED.

WHY?

'CAUSE YOU SNORE
LIKE A GARBAGE TRUCK.

KIMMY, HERE'S YOUR NEW BED.

SNORE YOUR HEAD OFF.

NOW YOU'RE MICHELLE'S PROBLEM.

OH, NO.

SHH!

SORRY WE NEVER LEFT TOWN.

ME, TOO.

AT LEAST THAT FOG CLEARED,

OR WE'D STILL BE DRIVING

AROUND K-MART'S PARKING LOT.

GOOD NIGHT.

BYE.

IRENE, IS THAT YOU?

HI, SWEETHEART.

YOU WANT TO KISS AND MAKE UP?

I DON'T KNOW.

AAH! AAH!

FIRST COLLEGE, NOW THIS?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

OH, MY GOD.

MOM.

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

NICK, NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS

WOULD I BE IN HERE
WITH YOUR WIFE.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?

NOTHING. YOU'RE AN
ATTRACTIVE WOMAN.

BACK OFF. THAT'S MY MOMMY
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

HERE, PUT A ROBE ON.

NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THIS.

YOUR WIFE SHOULDN'T
BE SLEEPING ALONE.

SHE LOVES TO CUDDLE.

NOW THAT YOU'RE BOTH AWAKE,

SIT DOWN AND
SETTLE THIS PROBLEM.

I'M SORRY I LOST MY TEMPER.

FIRST THING TOMORROW MORNING,

WE'LL GO BUY YOU A
BRAND NEW OUTFIT.

YOU CAN'T BUY AN OUTFIT

AND EXPECT EVERYTHING
TO BE BETTER.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

I'LL THROW IN SOME SHOES.

HELP ME HERE.

POP, SHE WANTS TO TALK.

YOU CAN'T JUST BUY...

OH, BOY.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

GEEKY GIANT WAS RIGHT.

I DID THE SAME THING WITH D.J.

THAT YOU'RE DOING WITH MOM.

POP, I GOT SOME GREAT
THINGS FROM YOU.

I GOT YOUR PRIDE,
AMBITION, YOUR HAIR.

THANK YOU, BY THE WAY.

I GOT YOUR TEMPER,
AND LET'S FACE IT,

IT GETS US IN TROUBLE.

ARE YOU TWO READY

TO REALLY TALK TO EACH OTHER?

WHEN YOU SAY, "YOU TWO,"

YOU REALLY MEAN ME.

WE COULD DO BETTER, POP.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

GOOD.

'CAUSE THIS FOG'S
LIFTING, AND FRANKLY,

YOU CAN'T LIVE HERE.

MY BOY.

ABOUT THE DRUMS, I'M SORRY.

YOU WERE RIGHT.

THANKS, JESS.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

D.J., WHY ARE YOU UP?

FIRST, IT WAS KIMMY SNORING.

THEN, THERE WAS A LOUD CRASH,

THEN PEOPLE SCREAMING.

THIS TIME, I WAS COMING
FROM THE BATHROOM.

CAN YOU COME DOWN TO TALK?

NOW?

JESS, IT'S 3:00 A.M.

CAN'T IT WAIT?

I WANTED TO SAY I WAS WRONG.

D.J., GET DOWN HERE.

COME ON.

UNCLE JESSE NEEDS
TO TALK TO YOU.

DAD, CAN I KEEP MY DRUM SET?

YES, YOU CAN KEEP THE DRUMS.

ALL RIGHT.

BUT THE STICKS HAVE GOT TO GO.

D.J.,

I SHOULD HAVE TALKED
TO YOU ABOUT OUR FIGHT

INSTEAD OF BUYING YOU A GIFT.

DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF.

YOU KNOW, PEOPLE HAVE THINGS

THEY DON'T LIKE
ABOUT THEMSELVES,

AND ME, I HAVE MY TEMPER.

AND SOMETIMES, I SAY
THINGS THE WRONG WAY

AND HURT THE PEOPLE I LOVE.

I DON'T BLAME YOU
FOR BEING MAD AT ME.

I DID TAPE OVER
YOUR PANCAKE JINGLE.

I HANDLED IT WRONG.

I EMBARRASSED YOU,

AND I HURT YOUR FEELINGS.

AND THEN I TRIED TO
BUY YOUR FORGIVENESS.

THAT WAS WRONG.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

KIND OF.

MAYBE THIS WILL HELP.

WHEN I DID SOMETHING WRONG,

MY DAD WOULD BLOW HIS TOP

AND SEND ME TO MY ROOM.

AND LATER, HE'D COME BACK

WITH A BATMAN COMIC BOOK,

AND THAT'S HOW I KNEW
EVERYTHING WAS OK.

WE NEVER TALKED
ABOUT THE PROBLEM.

WE NEVER TALKED
ABOUT OUR FEELINGS,

THE WAY THAT I FELT.

I DON'T WANT THAT
TO HAPPEN TO US.

I WANT OUR RELATIONSHIP
TO BE BETTER.

WE'RE DOING PRETTY GOOD.

YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHING YET, KID.

AT YOUR AGE, I GOT
IN SO MUCH TROUBLE.

I REMEMBER ONE TIME I
WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL.

POP WAS WATCHING TV,

HIS FAVORITE SHOW,
THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES.

I KICKED A FIELD GOAL

RIGHT THROUGH JETHRO'S FACE.

HE YELLED AT ME ALL NIGHT.

HE HAD NOTHING BETTER TO DO.

THE TV WAS BUSTED.

ANYWAY, THE POINT I'M
TRYING TO MAKE HERE IS...

D.J.

D.J.

AND THEY LIVED
HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

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NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.

PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF
CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT

PERMISSION OF NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE