Full House (1987–1995): Season 2, Episode 13 - Working Mothers - full transcript
After Jesse and Joey are offered full time jobs at an ad agency, they struggle to decide if they can do the job and still be moms to the girls.
WAY TO GO, MICHELLE.
WHAT AN ATHLETE.
D.J., WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
WE'RE HOLDING HER HANDS.
I'M BUILDING HER CONFIDENCE.
IT'S A WASTE OF TIME.
SHE'S 2 YEARS OLD.
I DIDN'T SKATE TILL I WAS 4.
WELL?
SHE'S LYING ABOUT HER AGE.
♪ WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO PREDICTABILITY ♪
♪ THE MILKMAN, THE
PAPER BOY, EVENING TV ♪
♪ HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE ♪
♪ THIS OLD WORLD'S
CONFUSIN' ME ♪
♪ CLOUDS AS MEAN
AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN ♪
♪ THERE AIN'T A BIRD
WHO KNOWS YOUR TUNE ♪
♪ THEN A LITTLE VOICE
INSIDE YOU WHISPERS ♪
♪ KID, DON'T SELL YOUR
DREAMS SO SOON ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ THERE'S A HEART,
THERE'S A HEART ♪
♪ A HAND TO HOLD ONTO ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ THERE'S A FACE ♪
♪ OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE ♪
♪ AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE ♪
♪ A LIGHT IS WAITIN'
TO CARRY YOU HOME ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ DOOBIE DOO BAH BAH DAH ♪♪
JOSEPH, JOSEPH, JOSEPH.
I NEED SOMETHING TO GIVE
THIS JINGLE SOME PIZAZZ.
SAMMY!
WE'LL BOTH DO IT... A
SAMMY DOUBLE WHAMMY.
KIND OF A DUELING SAMMY.
♪ CHIKA-ON, CHIKA-ON ♪
♪ CHIK-ON, CHIKA-ON ♪
♪ CHIKA-ON, CHIKA-ON ♪
♪ CHIK-ON, CHIKA-ON ♪
♪ SHOP FAST ♪
♪ SHOP SMART ♪
♪ SHOP AROUND THE CLOCK ♪
♪ HURRY-MART ♪
♪ AND I MEAN THAT, BABE ♪♪
IT LOSES IT WITHOUT
THE REAL SAMMY.
WE GOT TO FINISH.
WHEN ARE THE GIRLS RETURNING?
AT THE STROKE OF 3:00,
WE TURN INTO HOUSEWIVES.
WHAT COMES TO MIND WHEN I
SAY 24-HOUR CONVENIENCE STORE?
$6.00 FOR A LOAF OF BREAD.
THAT'S NOT CATCHY.
ALL RIGHT, THINK.
HURRY-MART HAS EVERYTHING
YOU NEED ON YOUR WAY HOME.
LIKE THE OLD GENERAL STORE.
YES.
THAT'S IT.
THAT'S IT. HURRY-MART...
THE GREAT AMERICAN
GENERAL STORE.
KIND OF A LITTLE
MINI-MART ON THE PRAIRIE.
IF YOU WILL, YES.
HOW MUCH TIME LEFT?
HI. HI.
NONE. NONE.
UNCLE JESSE, IT'S YOUR DAY
TO DRIVE THE HONEYBEE CAR POOL.
WE CAN'T BEE LATE.
OK. I'M READY TO
BUZZ OUT OF HERE.
JOEY, HELP ME WITH MY KARATE.
SURE. GO FOR IT.
HI-YAH!
I PITY THE GUY WHO
ATTACKS YOU WITH A PENCIL.
UNCLE JESSE.
TEACH ME AN ELVIS SONG
FOR THE HONEYBEE TALENT SHOW.
I'D BE HAPPY TO, LITTLE MAMA.
THANKS. YOU'RE A
BEAUTIFUL UNCLE.
NO, NO.
GET THE COLLAR
UP. GET THE LIP UP.
THANKS. YOU'RE A
BEAUTIFUL UNCLE.
RING.
RING.
RING.
RING.
RING.
NOT YOU, THE TELEPHONE, HUH?
WELL, I FINALLY
CLEANED UNDER MY BED.
THE AD AGENCY WAS
SUPPOSED TO CALL AT 1:30.
THEY MUST HATE OUR JINGLE.
IT'S OBVIOUS WHAT HAPPENED.
THEY LIKED IT SO MUCH,
THEY THREW A PARTY
AND FORGOT THE TIME.
WHAT'S OBVIOUS IS
WHEN YOU WERE A BABY,
SOMEBODY PLAYED
BONGOS ON YOUR SOFT SPOT.
YOU'RE LIVING IN A DREAM WORLD.
GIVE ME A HAND.
ALL RIGHT. HURRY UP.
COME ON, MICHELLE.
TAKE A WALK WITH US.
SHE LOCKED US OUT.
MICHELLE, OPEN THE DOOR.
TURN THE THINGY ON THE HANDLE.
OPEN THE DOOR.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
GET THE PHONE!
HI, MAN.
IT'S THE AD AGENCY.
TAKE A MESSAGE.
GRAB A PENCIL ON THE DESK.
OH, AND I LIVE IN A DREAM WORLD?
JOEY BYE-BYE.
NO. JOEY HERE-HERE.
BYE, MAN.
MICHELLE!
SHE'S GOING TO THE FRONT DOOR.
MICHELLE! MICHELLE!
HI, MICHELLE.
WHERE'S... WHERE'S
JOEY AND UNCLE JESSE?
PATIO.
WHEN DID YOU LEARN "PATIO"?
SUNDAY.
WHEN DID YOU LEARN "SUNDAY"?
MONDAY.
MICHELLE! MICHELLE!
COME ON. PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR
FOR A COOKIE AND A KISS.
WHERE'S MY KISS AND MY COOKIE?
I'LL GET THE COOKIE.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
I'LL GET IT.
HELLO. MR. MALATESTA.
YOU JUST CALLED?
WE GOT TO GET A NEW
ANSWERING SERVICE.
WOO! THEY BOUGHT OUR JINGLE!
YES, YES.
ALL RIGHT!
THAT'S AWFULLY GOOD NEWS, SIR.
GREAT. WE'LL BE DOWN THERE.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT, JOSEPH, GO GET READY.
SOMEBODY STILL OWES ME A KISS.
THANKS. I WAS HOPING
IT WOULD BE YOU.
VERY FINE WORK, GENTLEMEN.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, MR. MALATESTA.
YOU LIKE OUR JINGLE?
NO. I LIKE MY WIFE.
I LOVE THE JINGLE.
IT'S SO CATCHY.
♪ HURRY-MART ♪
♪ THE GREAT AMERICAN
GENERAL STORE ♪♪
YEAH.
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
TO TAKE THAT JINGLE
AND MAKE IT A WHOLE CAMPAIGN?
REALLY? YOU WANT US TO
DO A WHOLE COMMERCIAL?
I WANT THIS COMMERCIAL
TO BE YOUR BEST EVER.
WE'VE NEVER COME
UP WITH ONE BEFORE.
I HAVE FAITH IN YOU.
YOU'VE SOLD THREE JINGLES.
IF YOU DO WELL,
I'LL OFFER YOU A JOB.
GREAT.
THANK YOU.
WE'LL RETURN NEXT
WEEK WITH BRILLIANCE.
WAIT. WE NEED A
PRESENTATION TODAY
BECAUSE WE PITCH IT TO
THE CLIENT TOMORROW.
PITCH IT TO THE...
COME ON. RIGHT THIS WAY.
RIGHT OVER HERE.
MAKE YOURSELVES AT HOME.
THANK YOU.
COME ON.
WHOA.
YES.
YOU LIKE THE OFFICE?
NO. WE LIKE YOUR WIFE.
WE LOVE THE OFFICE.
YOU LIKE...
WHAT'S WITH THIS GUY?
JESSE, I'LL COVER FOR
YOU WITH THE GIRLS.
DAD, RAISE IT HIGHER.
I'LL BE OFF THE
PHONE IN A MINUTE.
PRACTICE YOUR SCARY FACES.
SO, UH... JESSE, IF
YOU GUYS GET STUCK
AND NEED HELP WITH
YOUR COMMERCIAL...
HELLO.
HELLO.
WHERE'S UNCLE JESSE?
HE'S SUPPOSED TO
TEACH ME AN ELVIS SONG.
UNCLE JESSE AND JOEY
ARE STUCK AT WORK.
BUT THE TALENT SHOW IS TOMORROW.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER
TO CURL MY HIPS
OR WIGGLE MY LIPS.
TOMORROW'S MY TEST FOR
MY GREEN BELT IN KARATE.
NOBODY PANIC.
I AM GOING TO TEACH
YOU HOW TO DO ELVIS,
AND I'M GOING TO TEACH
YOU HOW TO DO KARATE
BECAUSE ELVIS DID KARATE.
WATCH THIS.
♪ WELL, SINCE MY BABY LEFT ME ♪
HAH!
♪ I FOUND A NEW PLACE TO DWELL ♪
HEE-HAH!
♪ DOWN AT THE END OF
LONELY STREET AT THE ♪
HOO-HA-HAH!
♪ HEARTBREAK HOTEL,
I TELL YOU NOW ♪
♪ I FEEL SO LONELY ♪
HOO-HEE-HEE-HO!
♪ I FEEL SO LONELY ♪
HAH-HA-HA-HEE!
♪ I FEEL SO LONELY ♪
♪ I COULD DIE ♪♪
HAH!
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THAT WAS ELVIS?
YEAH.
PRESLEY?
DAD, ARE YOU OK?
TOO MUCH ELVIS.
I'M DOWN AT THE END
OF BACKACHE STREET
AT BEN-GAY HOTEL.
HELLO.
SORRY WE'RE HOME SO LATE.
DAD HELPED WITH MY KARATE.
AND TAUGHT ME TO DO ELVIS.
PRESLEY?
JUST TAKING CARE
OF BUSINESS. HAH!
OOH.
HOW WAS WORK?
THE BOSS LOVED OUR IDEAS.
TOMORROW WE'RE
PITCHING OUR COMMERCIAL
TO THE CLIENT.
IF EVERYTHING GOES WELL,
WE GOT A FULL-TIME JOB.
GREAT. ISN'T THAT GREAT, GIRLS?
I THINK SO.
I GUESS.
SURE, IT IS.
GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
THIS IS SO AMAZING.
WHEN YOU GUYS MOVED IN,
YOU DIDN'T EVEN LIKE EACH OTHER,
AND NOW YOU MIGHT BE
WORKING TOGETHER FULL-TIME.
THIS IS ONE OF THE
HAPPIEST DAYS OF MY LIFE.
IT'S PRETTY SAD, ISN'T IT?
GO TO BED, GIRLS.
OK.
ARE THEY REALLY GOING
TO GET A FULL-TIME JOB?
SOUNDS LIKE IT TO ME.
THEY'RE PRETTY EXCITED.
IF UNCLE JESSE, JOEY,
AND DADDY ARE WORKING,
WHO'S GOING TO TAKE CARE OF US?
ALL RIGHT.
EVERYTHING IS PERFECT.
WE'VE COME UP WITH
A GREAT CAMPAIGN.
OUR FUTURE WILL COME WALKING
RIGHT THROUGH THAT DOOR.
HI, PEOPLE.
MICHELLE.
MICHELLE.
MICHELLE, WHERE'S GRANDMA?
HERE. SHE CAN'T WALK
AS FAST AS A 2-YEAR-OLD.
MOTHER, WHY ARE YOU HERE?
I'M DROPPING THE BABY OFF.
THE CLIENT'S LATE. CAN YOU
WATCH HER A WHILE LONGER?
I'M SORRY. I GOT
TO GET TO SCHOOL.
WHAT A GORGEOUS OFFICE.
MOTHER.
YOU BOYS ARE BECOMING
SO SUCCESSFUL.
THANK YOU.
I REMEMBER WHEN JESSE
WAS JUST A LITTLE PUMPKIN
RUNNING AROUND IN HIS DIAPERS.
HE HAD THE CUTEST LITTLE TUSHY.
OH-WEE!
HEY, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
YOU DO THIS EVERY TIME...
DON'T GRAB MY TUSHY AT WORK!
OK.
GOODBYE.
GOODBYE.
OK.
UH-OH.
THEY'RE COMING.
DO SOMETHING WITH THE KID.
UH... AH, LOOK.
MICHELLE, LET'S
PLAY HIDE-AND-SEEK.
YOU GO UNDER HERE AND HIDE.
AT SOME POINT SOON,
WE'LL COME AND SEEK YOU.
HERE YOU GO... COOKIE.
OK. HERE WE GO. HERE WE GO.
GLADSTONE, KATSOPOLIS,
I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE
HURRY-MART'S VICE-PRESIDENT
IN CHARGE OF
MARKETING, EDNA FOLEY.
HELLO.
HI. HI.
SORRY I'M LATE.
GENTLEMEN, IT'S ALL YOURS.
THANK YOU.
OUR GOAL IS TO GET PEOPLE
TO ASSOCIATE HURRY-MART
WITH TRADITIONAL
AMERICAN VALUES.
OUR STORY BEGINS WITH A
TYPICAL AMERICAN FAMILY...
THE APPLEBYS.
THEY'RE TAKING A DRIVE
IN THEIR STATION WAGON.
SEE DAD.
HI THERE.
MOM.
HI.
LITTLE TIMMY.
PARTY, DUDE.
SISTER SUSIE.
HEE HEE.
AND, OF COURSE, LOVABLE SCRUFFY.
GRRR!
GRRR!
GRRR!
DOWN, SCRUFFY.
[WHIMPER]
UP AHEAD,
A MODERN HURRY-MART
MAGICALLY BECOMES...
THE OLD GENERAL STORE.
THE FRIENDLY CLERK GREETS THEM.
HE LOOKS LIKE YOUR GRANDPA.
GRANDPAPA.
DAGNABIT, PEPINO,
IT'S THE APPLEBYS.
HOWDY, FOLKS.
INSIDE, THE APPLEBYS
GO SHOPPING.
UH, AND, UH, UM...
THE LITTLE KIDS RUN AROUND.
THERE THEY ARE, RUNNING AROUND.
THEY'RE RUNNING.
LITTLE KIDS ARE
GOOD LITTLE RUNNERS.
THEY RUN.
HELP ME OUT, JOSEPH.
UH, LOOK AT THOSE APPLEBYS GO.
THE FAMILY IS... DRIVING AWAY,
WAVING GOODBYE TO THE CLERK.
EVEN SCRUFFY BARKS "SO LONG."
RUFF RUFF.
MOO.
MOO?
A STRAY COW WANDERS BY, SEE?
THE STRAY COW WANDERS BY.
AND AS WE BID A FOND
FAREWELL TO THE APPLEBYS
AND THAT UNEXPECTED
YET ADORABLE LITTLE COW,
WE HEAR... ♪ HURRY-MART ♪
♪ THE GREAT AMERICAN
GENERAL STORE ♪♪
I'M NOT SURE HOW
THE COW FITS IN,
BUT I LOVE THE CONCEPT.
DAGNABIT, MALATESTA,
YOU'VE GOT A NEW ACCOUNT.
WONDERFUL.
MAKE SURE THEY'RE WORKING ON IT.
YOU KIDDING? THESE ARE MY BOYS.
THEY JUST STARTED
WORKING FULL TIME.
SMART MOVE.
WOO! CONGRATULATIONS.
WE'VE GOT A STRATEGY MEETING.
PUT THE STRAY COW IN HER BARN.
THERE'S SOMETHING
YOU SHOULD KNOW.
THIS IS NOT A STRAY COW.
JOEY AND I HAVE A BABY.
HEY, YOUR PERSONAL LIVES
ARE NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
DAGNABIT!
WHAT WAS THAT?
A TOAST TO OUR NEW CAREERS.
THIS IS THE LAST TIME I
BUY CHAMPAGNE IN A CAN.
OH, YOU'RE BACK.
YOU GUYS MISSED A
MAJOR BANNER TANNER DAY.
I'D LIKE TO PRESENT
SAN FRANCISCO'S
NEWEST GREEN BELT,
OUR KARATE KID, D.J. TANNER.
SHOW THEM SOME MOVES.
DAD.
I SPENT A FORTUNE ON LESSONS.
GIVE THEM SOME HI-YAH.
HIYA.
WITH NO FURTHER ADO,
WINNER OF THE GOLDEN
HIVE AWARD FOR TALENT,
THE QUEEN BEE OF ROCK AND ROLL.
YAY!
THANK YOU, BOYS.
I'M GOING TO BUY
EVERYONE A CADILLAC.
STEPH, YOU LOOK GREAT.
HOW DID YOU DO?
I WAS A HUNKA
HUNKA BURNING LOVE.
HI-YAH!
SORRY WE MISSED YOU GIRLS.
I EXPLAINED YOU
WERE WORKING LATE.
I GOT IT ON TAPE.
GREAT.
WE HAVE SOME GOOD
NEWS OURSELVES.
WE LANDED A FULL-TIME JOB TODAY.
THAT'S GREAT! WAY TO GO.
AREN'T YOU GIRLS HAPPY?
YEAH, WHERE'S OUR HUG?
THIS FAMILY HUGS
WHEN MAIL COMES.
HOW CAN YOU GUYS DO THIS?
YEAH. WHAT'S GOING
TO HAPPEN TO US?
WE'LL BE ALL ALONE.
GIRLS...
YOU KNOW YOU'LL
ALWAYS BE TAKEN CARE OF.
THIS JOB IS A BIG
CHANCE FOR THEM.
THINK OF EVERYTHING
THEY'VE DONE FOR YOU.
NOT BECAUSE THEY HAD TO.
JUST BECAUSE THEY LOVE YOU.
WE'RE NOT GOING
TO LEAVE YOU, GIRLS.
WE'LL STILL SEE
YOU BEFORE SCHOOL.
RIGHT, AND AFTER WORK.
AND EVERY WEEKEND.
ALL FEDERAL HOLIDAYS.
IT WON'T BE THE SAME.
YOU GUYS MISSED TODAY.
YOU MISSED EVERYTHING YESTERDAY.
NOW YOU'LL MISS THE
REST OF OUR LIVES.
AND WE'D MISS YOU... SO MUCH.
MAYBE THERE ARE THINGS
WE DIDN'T CONSIDER.
ALL RIGHT.
RED CHECKERS ARE
REASONS TO KEEP THE JOB,
BLACK ARE REASONS TO QUIT.
ONE BLACK CHECKER IS WHAT
WE GET FROM RAISING KIDS.
NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY THIS...
I DIG BEING MR. MOM.
I THINK YOU LOOK
SMASHING IN AN APRON.
MISSING THE GIRLS IS ONE REASON
NOT TO KEEP THE JOB.
ON THE OTHER HAND,
IT PAYS MORE MONEY
THAN WE'VE EVER SEEN.
THAT'S A RED CHECKER.
WE WOULDN'T JUST WRITE JINGLES.
WE'D DO COMMERCIAL CAMPAIGNS.
THAT'S A STEP UP.
PLUS, WE LIKE IT. RED CHECKER.
IT FELT GREAT SITTING
IN THAT BIG OFFICE
IN THE REAL WORLD.
KING ME.
GOT IT.
WELL, LOOKS LIKE
WE'RE GOING TO WORK.
GUESS SO.
THERE'S JUST ONE
THING I'M FORGETTING.
MY MUSIC.
THERE WOULDN'T BE TIME
TO WRITE OR PLAY GIGS.
THAT'S A MAJOR PART OF MY LIFE.
STACK A BLACK.
I'D HAVE NO TIME FOR MY COMEDY.
WHAT GOOD WOULD THIS
BULLWINKLE VOICE BE AT THE OFFICE?
BLACK CHECKER.
ALL RIGHT, JOSEPH.
REALLY THINK ABOUT THIS.
ARE WE READY TO
GIVE UP OUR DREAMS?
NO.
I'M NOT.
BUT YOU HAVE TO ADMIT
WE'VE HAD MORE SUCCESS IN
THREE MONTHS OF ADVERTISING
THAN ALL THOSE YEARS
IN MUSIC AND COMEDY.
RED CHECKER. RED CHECKER.
OH, BOY.
YOU KNOW, JESS, LIFE
IS LIKE A SALAD BAR.
THEY HAVE ALL
THESE GREAT CHOICES,
BUT YOU CAN'T HELP BUT THINK...
HOW OFTEN ARE THEY
CHANGING THOSE BEETS?
HI, GUYS.
HI.
SOMEBODY WANTS
TO SAY GOOD NIGHT.
SAY GOOD NIGHT, JOEY.
NIGHT, JOEY.
NIGHT-NIGHT, MICHELLE.
I LOVE YOU, MICHELLE.
BLACK CHECKER.
SAY NIGHT-NIGHT, JESSE.
NIGHT-NIGHT, JESSE.
NIGHT-NIGHT, MICHELLE.
I DIDN'T DO THIS TO
MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY.
SHE WANTED TO SAY GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
OH, BOY.
YOU WANTED TO SEE ME?
YES, SIR.
JESSE AND I ARE HAVING
SOME SECOND THOUGHTS.
OH?
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
OUR JOB IS TO
COME UP WITH IDEAS.
IT WOULDN'T MATTER
WHERE WE WERE, RIGHT?
IS THIS A TRICK QUESTION?
NO, NO, THE POINT IS THAT...
IT DOESN'T MATTER
WHERE WE'RE SITTING...
OK, IT WAS A TRICK QUESTION.
JOEY?
IT WOULD SOLVE PROBLEMS
IF WE WORKED AT HOME.
AT HOME?
YES, UM...
WE HAVE DREAMS WE'RE
NOT READY TO GIVE UP.
AND WE HAVE KIDS WE'D MISS.
OH, RIGHT, THE STRAY COW.
I SUPPOSE I COULD HIRE
YOU PROJECT BY PROJECT.
IT'S A LITTLE UNUSUAL, BUT...
IF WORKING AT HOME
MAKES YOU HAPPY...
IT WOULD BE INCONVENIENT FOR ME.
IT WOULD BE BEST FOR
EVERYONE CONCERNED
IF YOU GOT OUT OF HERE.
TO WORK AT HOME.
I LOVE YOU GUYS. IT'S A DEAL.
YOU SHOULD SEE YOUR FACES.
SURPRISE!
MR. MALATESTA,
THESE ARE OUR KIDS,
AND THIS IS DANNY...
REMEMBER, YOUR PERSONAL LIVES
ARE NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
WE BROUGHT PLANTS
FOR YOUR OFFICE.
PACK THEM AND TAKE THEM HOME.
THAT'S WHERE WE'RE WORKING.
ALL RIGHT!
DID YOU QUIT FOR US?
NO, WE JUST ARRANGED
TO WORK AT HOME.
DADDY, CAN YOU DO
YOUR SHOW AT HOME?
NO. ALL THOSE CREW PEOPLE
WOULD SCUFF OUR FLOORS.
MOST PARENTS' JOBS
AREN'T THAT FLEXIBLE.
YOU GUYS, CHECK OUT THIS VIEW.
LET'S SEE IF WE
CAN FIND OUR HOUSE.
COME ON, MICHELLE.
COME ON, MICHELLE.
WOULDN'T IT BE OVER THERE?
I SEE IT. LOOK.
MICHELLE. MICHELLE.
MICHELLE, OPEN THE DOOR.
COME ON, OPEN THE DOOR.
OPEN THE DOOR, MICHELLE.
COME ON, MICHELLE,
IT'S COLD OUTSIDE.
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE
NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF
CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT
PERMISSION OF NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
WHAT AN ATHLETE.
D.J., WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
WE'RE HOLDING HER HANDS.
I'M BUILDING HER CONFIDENCE.
IT'S A WASTE OF TIME.
SHE'S 2 YEARS OLD.
I DIDN'T SKATE TILL I WAS 4.
WELL?
SHE'S LYING ABOUT HER AGE.
♪ WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO PREDICTABILITY ♪
♪ THE MILKMAN, THE
PAPER BOY, EVENING TV ♪
♪ HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE ♪
♪ THIS OLD WORLD'S
CONFUSIN' ME ♪
♪ CLOUDS AS MEAN
AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN ♪
♪ THERE AIN'T A BIRD
WHO KNOWS YOUR TUNE ♪
♪ THEN A LITTLE VOICE
INSIDE YOU WHISPERS ♪
♪ KID, DON'T SELL YOUR
DREAMS SO SOON ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ THERE'S A HEART,
THERE'S A HEART ♪
♪ A HAND TO HOLD ONTO ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ THERE'S A FACE ♪
♪ OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE ♪
♪ AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE ♪
♪ A LIGHT IS WAITIN'
TO CARRY YOU HOME ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ DOOBIE DOO BAH BAH DAH ♪♪
JOSEPH, JOSEPH, JOSEPH.
I NEED SOMETHING TO GIVE
THIS JINGLE SOME PIZAZZ.
SAMMY!
WE'LL BOTH DO IT... A
SAMMY DOUBLE WHAMMY.
KIND OF A DUELING SAMMY.
♪ CHIKA-ON, CHIKA-ON ♪
♪ CHIK-ON, CHIKA-ON ♪
♪ CHIKA-ON, CHIKA-ON ♪
♪ CHIK-ON, CHIKA-ON ♪
♪ SHOP FAST ♪
♪ SHOP SMART ♪
♪ SHOP AROUND THE CLOCK ♪
♪ HURRY-MART ♪
♪ AND I MEAN THAT, BABE ♪♪
IT LOSES IT WITHOUT
THE REAL SAMMY.
WE GOT TO FINISH.
WHEN ARE THE GIRLS RETURNING?
AT THE STROKE OF 3:00,
WE TURN INTO HOUSEWIVES.
WHAT COMES TO MIND WHEN I
SAY 24-HOUR CONVENIENCE STORE?
$6.00 FOR A LOAF OF BREAD.
THAT'S NOT CATCHY.
ALL RIGHT, THINK.
HURRY-MART HAS EVERYTHING
YOU NEED ON YOUR WAY HOME.
LIKE THE OLD GENERAL STORE.
YES.
THAT'S IT.
THAT'S IT. HURRY-MART...
THE GREAT AMERICAN
GENERAL STORE.
KIND OF A LITTLE
MINI-MART ON THE PRAIRIE.
IF YOU WILL, YES.
HOW MUCH TIME LEFT?
HI. HI.
NONE. NONE.
UNCLE JESSE, IT'S YOUR DAY
TO DRIVE THE HONEYBEE CAR POOL.
WE CAN'T BEE LATE.
OK. I'M READY TO
BUZZ OUT OF HERE.
JOEY, HELP ME WITH MY KARATE.
SURE. GO FOR IT.
HI-YAH!
I PITY THE GUY WHO
ATTACKS YOU WITH A PENCIL.
UNCLE JESSE.
TEACH ME AN ELVIS SONG
FOR THE HONEYBEE TALENT SHOW.
I'D BE HAPPY TO, LITTLE MAMA.
THANKS. YOU'RE A
BEAUTIFUL UNCLE.
NO, NO.
GET THE COLLAR
UP. GET THE LIP UP.
THANKS. YOU'RE A
BEAUTIFUL UNCLE.
RING.
RING.
RING.
RING.
RING.
NOT YOU, THE TELEPHONE, HUH?
WELL, I FINALLY
CLEANED UNDER MY BED.
THE AD AGENCY WAS
SUPPOSED TO CALL AT 1:30.
THEY MUST HATE OUR JINGLE.
IT'S OBVIOUS WHAT HAPPENED.
THEY LIKED IT SO MUCH,
THEY THREW A PARTY
AND FORGOT THE TIME.
WHAT'S OBVIOUS IS
WHEN YOU WERE A BABY,
SOMEBODY PLAYED
BONGOS ON YOUR SOFT SPOT.
YOU'RE LIVING IN A DREAM WORLD.
GIVE ME A HAND.
ALL RIGHT. HURRY UP.
COME ON, MICHELLE.
TAKE A WALK WITH US.
SHE LOCKED US OUT.
MICHELLE, OPEN THE DOOR.
TURN THE THINGY ON THE HANDLE.
OPEN THE DOOR.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
GET THE PHONE!
HI, MAN.
IT'S THE AD AGENCY.
TAKE A MESSAGE.
GRAB A PENCIL ON THE DESK.
OH, AND I LIVE IN A DREAM WORLD?
JOEY BYE-BYE.
NO. JOEY HERE-HERE.
BYE, MAN.
MICHELLE!
SHE'S GOING TO THE FRONT DOOR.
MICHELLE! MICHELLE!
HI, MICHELLE.
WHERE'S... WHERE'S
JOEY AND UNCLE JESSE?
PATIO.
WHEN DID YOU LEARN "PATIO"?
SUNDAY.
WHEN DID YOU LEARN "SUNDAY"?
MONDAY.
MICHELLE! MICHELLE!
COME ON. PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR
FOR A COOKIE AND A KISS.
WHERE'S MY KISS AND MY COOKIE?
I'LL GET THE COOKIE.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
I'LL GET IT.
HELLO. MR. MALATESTA.
YOU JUST CALLED?
WE GOT TO GET A NEW
ANSWERING SERVICE.
WOO! THEY BOUGHT OUR JINGLE!
YES, YES.
ALL RIGHT!
THAT'S AWFULLY GOOD NEWS, SIR.
GREAT. WE'LL BE DOWN THERE.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT, JOSEPH, GO GET READY.
SOMEBODY STILL OWES ME A KISS.
THANKS. I WAS HOPING
IT WOULD BE YOU.
VERY FINE WORK, GENTLEMEN.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, MR. MALATESTA.
YOU LIKE OUR JINGLE?
NO. I LIKE MY WIFE.
I LOVE THE JINGLE.
IT'S SO CATCHY.
♪ HURRY-MART ♪
♪ THE GREAT AMERICAN
GENERAL STORE ♪♪
YEAH.
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
TO TAKE THAT JINGLE
AND MAKE IT A WHOLE CAMPAIGN?
REALLY? YOU WANT US TO
DO A WHOLE COMMERCIAL?
I WANT THIS COMMERCIAL
TO BE YOUR BEST EVER.
WE'VE NEVER COME
UP WITH ONE BEFORE.
I HAVE FAITH IN YOU.
YOU'VE SOLD THREE JINGLES.
IF YOU DO WELL,
I'LL OFFER YOU A JOB.
GREAT.
THANK YOU.
WE'LL RETURN NEXT
WEEK WITH BRILLIANCE.
WAIT. WE NEED A
PRESENTATION TODAY
BECAUSE WE PITCH IT TO
THE CLIENT TOMORROW.
PITCH IT TO THE...
COME ON. RIGHT THIS WAY.
RIGHT OVER HERE.
MAKE YOURSELVES AT HOME.
THANK YOU.
COME ON.
WHOA.
YES.
YOU LIKE THE OFFICE?
NO. WE LIKE YOUR WIFE.
WE LOVE THE OFFICE.
YOU LIKE...
WHAT'S WITH THIS GUY?
JESSE, I'LL COVER FOR
YOU WITH THE GIRLS.
DAD, RAISE IT HIGHER.
I'LL BE OFF THE
PHONE IN A MINUTE.
PRACTICE YOUR SCARY FACES.
SO, UH... JESSE, IF
YOU GUYS GET STUCK
AND NEED HELP WITH
YOUR COMMERCIAL...
HELLO.
HELLO.
WHERE'S UNCLE JESSE?
HE'S SUPPOSED TO
TEACH ME AN ELVIS SONG.
UNCLE JESSE AND JOEY
ARE STUCK AT WORK.
BUT THE TALENT SHOW IS TOMORROW.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER
TO CURL MY HIPS
OR WIGGLE MY LIPS.
TOMORROW'S MY TEST FOR
MY GREEN BELT IN KARATE.
NOBODY PANIC.
I AM GOING TO TEACH
YOU HOW TO DO ELVIS,
AND I'M GOING TO TEACH
YOU HOW TO DO KARATE
BECAUSE ELVIS DID KARATE.
WATCH THIS.
♪ WELL, SINCE MY BABY LEFT ME ♪
HAH!
♪ I FOUND A NEW PLACE TO DWELL ♪
HEE-HAH!
♪ DOWN AT THE END OF
LONELY STREET AT THE ♪
HOO-HA-HAH!
♪ HEARTBREAK HOTEL,
I TELL YOU NOW ♪
♪ I FEEL SO LONELY ♪
HOO-HEE-HEE-HO!
♪ I FEEL SO LONELY ♪
HAH-HA-HA-HEE!
♪ I FEEL SO LONELY ♪
♪ I COULD DIE ♪♪
HAH!
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THAT WAS ELVIS?
YEAH.
PRESLEY?
DAD, ARE YOU OK?
TOO MUCH ELVIS.
I'M DOWN AT THE END
OF BACKACHE STREET
AT BEN-GAY HOTEL.
HELLO.
SORRY WE'RE HOME SO LATE.
DAD HELPED WITH MY KARATE.
AND TAUGHT ME TO DO ELVIS.
PRESLEY?
JUST TAKING CARE
OF BUSINESS. HAH!
OOH.
HOW WAS WORK?
THE BOSS LOVED OUR IDEAS.
TOMORROW WE'RE
PITCHING OUR COMMERCIAL
TO THE CLIENT.
IF EVERYTHING GOES WELL,
WE GOT A FULL-TIME JOB.
GREAT. ISN'T THAT GREAT, GIRLS?
I THINK SO.
I GUESS.
SURE, IT IS.
GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
THIS IS SO AMAZING.
WHEN YOU GUYS MOVED IN,
YOU DIDN'T EVEN LIKE EACH OTHER,
AND NOW YOU MIGHT BE
WORKING TOGETHER FULL-TIME.
THIS IS ONE OF THE
HAPPIEST DAYS OF MY LIFE.
IT'S PRETTY SAD, ISN'T IT?
GO TO BED, GIRLS.
OK.
ARE THEY REALLY GOING
TO GET A FULL-TIME JOB?
SOUNDS LIKE IT TO ME.
THEY'RE PRETTY EXCITED.
IF UNCLE JESSE, JOEY,
AND DADDY ARE WORKING,
WHO'S GOING TO TAKE CARE OF US?
ALL RIGHT.
EVERYTHING IS PERFECT.
WE'VE COME UP WITH
A GREAT CAMPAIGN.
OUR FUTURE WILL COME WALKING
RIGHT THROUGH THAT DOOR.
HI, PEOPLE.
MICHELLE.
MICHELLE.
MICHELLE, WHERE'S GRANDMA?
HERE. SHE CAN'T WALK
AS FAST AS A 2-YEAR-OLD.
MOTHER, WHY ARE YOU HERE?
I'M DROPPING THE BABY OFF.
THE CLIENT'S LATE. CAN YOU
WATCH HER A WHILE LONGER?
I'M SORRY. I GOT
TO GET TO SCHOOL.
WHAT A GORGEOUS OFFICE.
MOTHER.
YOU BOYS ARE BECOMING
SO SUCCESSFUL.
THANK YOU.
I REMEMBER WHEN JESSE
WAS JUST A LITTLE PUMPKIN
RUNNING AROUND IN HIS DIAPERS.
HE HAD THE CUTEST LITTLE TUSHY.
OH-WEE!
HEY, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
YOU DO THIS EVERY TIME...
DON'T GRAB MY TUSHY AT WORK!
OK.
GOODBYE.
GOODBYE.
OK.
UH-OH.
THEY'RE COMING.
DO SOMETHING WITH THE KID.
UH... AH, LOOK.
MICHELLE, LET'S
PLAY HIDE-AND-SEEK.
YOU GO UNDER HERE AND HIDE.
AT SOME POINT SOON,
WE'LL COME AND SEEK YOU.
HERE YOU GO... COOKIE.
OK. HERE WE GO. HERE WE GO.
GLADSTONE, KATSOPOLIS,
I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE
HURRY-MART'S VICE-PRESIDENT
IN CHARGE OF
MARKETING, EDNA FOLEY.
HELLO.
HI. HI.
SORRY I'M LATE.
GENTLEMEN, IT'S ALL YOURS.
THANK YOU.
OUR GOAL IS TO GET PEOPLE
TO ASSOCIATE HURRY-MART
WITH TRADITIONAL
AMERICAN VALUES.
OUR STORY BEGINS WITH A
TYPICAL AMERICAN FAMILY...
THE APPLEBYS.
THEY'RE TAKING A DRIVE
IN THEIR STATION WAGON.
SEE DAD.
HI THERE.
MOM.
HI.
LITTLE TIMMY.
PARTY, DUDE.
SISTER SUSIE.
HEE HEE.
AND, OF COURSE, LOVABLE SCRUFFY.
GRRR!
GRRR!
GRRR!
DOWN, SCRUFFY.
[WHIMPER]
UP AHEAD,
A MODERN HURRY-MART
MAGICALLY BECOMES...
THE OLD GENERAL STORE.
THE FRIENDLY CLERK GREETS THEM.
HE LOOKS LIKE YOUR GRANDPA.
GRANDPAPA.
DAGNABIT, PEPINO,
IT'S THE APPLEBYS.
HOWDY, FOLKS.
INSIDE, THE APPLEBYS
GO SHOPPING.
UH, AND, UH, UM...
THE LITTLE KIDS RUN AROUND.
THERE THEY ARE, RUNNING AROUND.
THEY'RE RUNNING.
LITTLE KIDS ARE
GOOD LITTLE RUNNERS.
THEY RUN.
HELP ME OUT, JOSEPH.
UH, LOOK AT THOSE APPLEBYS GO.
THE FAMILY IS... DRIVING AWAY,
WAVING GOODBYE TO THE CLERK.
EVEN SCRUFFY BARKS "SO LONG."
RUFF RUFF.
MOO.
MOO?
A STRAY COW WANDERS BY, SEE?
THE STRAY COW WANDERS BY.
AND AS WE BID A FOND
FAREWELL TO THE APPLEBYS
AND THAT UNEXPECTED
YET ADORABLE LITTLE COW,
WE HEAR... ♪ HURRY-MART ♪
♪ THE GREAT AMERICAN
GENERAL STORE ♪♪
I'M NOT SURE HOW
THE COW FITS IN,
BUT I LOVE THE CONCEPT.
DAGNABIT, MALATESTA,
YOU'VE GOT A NEW ACCOUNT.
WONDERFUL.
MAKE SURE THEY'RE WORKING ON IT.
YOU KIDDING? THESE ARE MY BOYS.
THEY JUST STARTED
WORKING FULL TIME.
SMART MOVE.
WOO! CONGRATULATIONS.
WE'VE GOT A STRATEGY MEETING.
PUT THE STRAY COW IN HER BARN.
THERE'S SOMETHING
YOU SHOULD KNOW.
THIS IS NOT A STRAY COW.
JOEY AND I HAVE A BABY.
HEY, YOUR PERSONAL LIVES
ARE NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
DAGNABIT!
WHAT WAS THAT?
A TOAST TO OUR NEW CAREERS.
THIS IS THE LAST TIME I
BUY CHAMPAGNE IN A CAN.
OH, YOU'RE BACK.
YOU GUYS MISSED A
MAJOR BANNER TANNER DAY.
I'D LIKE TO PRESENT
SAN FRANCISCO'S
NEWEST GREEN BELT,
OUR KARATE KID, D.J. TANNER.
SHOW THEM SOME MOVES.
DAD.
I SPENT A FORTUNE ON LESSONS.
GIVE THEM SOME HI-YAH.
HIYA.
WITH NO FURTHER ADO,
WINNER OF THE GOLDEN
HIVE AWARD FOR TALENT,
THE QUEEN BEE OF ROCK AND ROLL.
YAY!
THANK YOU, BOYS.
I'M GOING TO BUY
EVERYONE A CADILLAC.
STEPH, YOU LOOK GREAT.
HOW DID YOU DO?
I WAS A HUNKA
HUNKA BURNING LOVE.
HI-YAH!
SORRY WE MISSED YOU GIRLS.
I EXPLAINED YOU
WERE WORKING LATE.
I GOT IT ON TAPE.
GREAT.
WE HAVE SOME GOOD
NEWS OURSELVES.
WE LANDED A FULL-TIME JOB TODAY.
THAT'S GREAT! WAY TO GO.
AREN'T YOU GIRLS HAPPY?
YEAH, WHERE'S OUR HUG?
THIS FAMILY HUGS
WHEN MAIL COMES.
HOW CAN YOU GUYS DO THIS?
YEAH. WHAT'S GOING
TO HAPPEN TO US?
WE'LL BE ALL ALONE.
GIRLS...
YOU KNOW YOU'LL
ALWAYS BE TAKEN CARE OF.
THIS JOB IS A BIG
CHANCE FOR THEM.
THINK OF EVERYTHING
THEY'VE DONE FOR YOU.
NOT BECAUSE THEY HAD TO.
JUST BECAUSE THEY LOVE YOU.
WE'RE NOT GOING
TO LEAVE YOU, GIRLS.
WE'LL STILL SEE
YOU BEFORE SCHOOL.
RIGHT, AND AFTER WORK.
AND EVERY WEEKEND.
ALL FEDERAL HOLIDAYS.
IT WON'T BE THE SAME.
YOU GUYS MISSED TODAY.
YOU MISSED EVERYTHING YESTERDAY.
NOW YOU'LL MISS THE
REST OF OUR LIVES.
AND WE'D MISS YOU... SO MUCH.
MAYBE THERE ARE THINGS
WE DIDN'T CONSIDER.
ALL RIGHT.
RED CHECKERS ARE
REASONS TO KEEP THE JOB,
BLACK ARE REASONS TO QUIT.
ONE BLACK CHECKER IS WHAT
WE GET FROM RAISING KIDS.
NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY THIS...
I DIG BEING MR. MOM.
I THINK YOU LOOK
SMASHING IN AN APRON.
MISSING THE GIRLS IS ONE REASON
NOT TO KEEP THE JOB.
ON THE OTHER HAND,
IT PAYS MORE MONEY
THAN WE'VE EVER SEEN.
THAT'S A RED CHECKER.
WE WOULDN'T JUST WRITE JINGLES.
WE'D DO COMMERCIAL CAMPAIGNS.
THAT'S A STEP UP.
PLUS, WE LIKE IT. RED CHECKER.
IT FELT GREAT SITTING
IN THAT BIG OFFICE
IN THE REAL WORLD.
KING ME.
GOT IT.
WELL, LOOKS LIKE
WE'RE GOING TO WORK.
GUESS SO.
THERE'S JUST ONE
THING I'M FORGETTING.
MY MUSIC.
THERE WOULDN'T BE TIME
TO WRITE OR PLAY GIGS.
THAT'S A MAJOR PART OF MY LIFE.
STACK A BLACK.
I'D HAVE NO TIME FOR MY COMEDY.
WHAT GOOD WOULD THIS
BULLWINKLE VOICE BE AT THE OFFICE?
BLACK CHECKER.
ALL RIGHT, JOSEPH.
REALLY THINK ABOUT THIS.
ARE WE READY TO
GIVE UP OUR DREAMS?
NO.
I'M NOT.
BUT YOU HAVE TO ADMIT
WE'VE HAD MORE SUCCESS IN
THREE MONTHS OF ADVERTISING
THAN ALL THOSE YEARS
IN MUSIC AND COMEDY.
RED CHECKER. RED CHECKER.
OH, BOY.
YOU KNOW, JESS, LIFE
IS LIKE A SALAD BAR.
THEY HAVE ALL
THESE GREAT CHOICES,
BUT YOU CAN'T HELP BUT THINK...
HOW OFTEN ARE THEY
CHANGING THOSE BEETS?
HI, GUYS.
HI.
SOMEBODY WANTS
TO SAY GOOD NIGHT.
SAY GOOD NIGHT, JOEY.
NIGHT, JOEY.
NIGHT-NIGHT, MICHELLE.
I LOVE YOU, MICHELLE.
BLACK CHECKER.
SAY NIGHT-NIGHT, JESSE.
NIGHT-NIGHT, JESSE.
NIGHT-NIGHT, MICHELLE.
I DIDN'T DO THIS TO
MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY.
SHE WANTED TO SAY GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
OH, BOY.
YOU WANTED TO SEE ME?
YES, SIR.
JESSE AND I ARE HAVING
SOME SECOND THOUGHTS.
OH?
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
OUR JOB IS TO
COME UP WITH IDEAS.
IT WOULDN'T MATTER
WHERE WE WERE, RIGHT?
IS THIS A TRICK QUESTION?
NO, NO, THE POINT IS THAT...
IT DOESN'T MATTER
WHERE WE'RE SITTING...
OK, IT WAS A TRICK QUESTION.
JOEY?
IT WOULD SOLVE PROBLEMS
IF WE WORKED AT HOME.
AT HOME?
YES, UM...
WE HAVE DREAMS WE'RE
NOT READY TO GIVE UP.
AND WE HAVE KIDS WE'D MISS.
OH, RIGHT, THE STRAY COW.
I SUPPOSE I COULD HIRE
YOU PROJECT BY PROJECT.
IT'S A LITTLE UNUSUAL, BUT...
IF WORKING AT HOME
MAKES YOU HAPPY...
IT WOULD BE INCONVENIENT FOR ME.
IT WOULD BE BEST FOR
EVERYONE CONCERNED
IF YOU GOT OUT OF HERE.
TO WORK AT HOME.
I LOVE YOU GUYS. IT'S A DEAL.
YOU SHOULD SEE YOUR FACES.
SURPRISE!
MR. MALATESTA,
THESE ARE OUR KIDS,
AND THIS IS DANNY...
REMEMBER, YOUR PERSONAL LIVES
ARE NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
WE BROUGHT PLANTS
FOR YOUR OFFICE.
PACK THEM AND TAKE THEM HOME.
THAT'S WHERE WE'RE WORKING.
ALL RIGHT!
DID YOU QUIT FOR US?
NO, WE JUST ARRANGED
TO WORK AT HOME.
DADDY, CAN YOU DO
YOUR SHOW AT HOME?
NO. ALL THOSE CREW PEOPLE
WOULD SCUFF OUR FLOORS.
MOST PARENTS' JOBS
AREN'T THAT FLEXIBLE.
YOU GUYS, CHECK OUT THIS VIEW.
LET'S SEE IF WE
CAN FIND OUR HOUSE.
COME ON, MICHELLE.
COME ON, MICHELLE.
WOULDN'T IT BE OVER THERE?
I SEE IT. LOOK.
MICHELLE. MICHELLE.
MICHELLE, OPEN THE DOOR.
COME ON, OPEN THE DOOR.
OPEN THE DOOR, MICHELLE.
COME ON, MICHELLE,
IT'S COLD OUTSIDE.
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE
NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF
CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT
PERMISSION OF NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE