Full House (1987–1995): Season 2, Episode 11 - A Little Romance - full transcript
Becky gets the guys to participate in a date auction, and DJ gets her first boyfriend.
♪ GOOD NIGHT, MY LOVE ♪
♪ DO-WAH ♪
♪ DOO-WAH ♪
♪ PLEASANT DREAMS ♪
♪ SLEEP TIGHT, MY LOVE ♪
♪ DO-WAH ♪
♪ DO-WAH ♪
♪ MAY TOMORROW BE
SUNNY AND BRIGHT ♪
♪ AND BRING YOU CLOSER TO ME ♪
♪ DO DO DO DO DO DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO, DO DO DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO DO DO DO ♪
♪ WAH ♪
♪ DO DO DO DO DO DO... ♪♪
♪ WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO PREDICTABILITY ♪
♪ THE MILKMAN, THE
PAPER BOY, EVENING TV ♪
♪ HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE ♪
♪ THIS OLD WORLD'S
CONFUSIN' ME ♪
♪ CLOUDS AS MEAN
AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN ♪
♪ AIN'T A BIRD WHO
KNOWS YOUR TUNE ♪
♪ THEN A LITTLE VOICE
INSIDE YOU WHISPERS ♪
♪ KID, DON'T SELL YOUR
DREAMS SO SOON ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ THERE'S A HEART ♪
♪ THERE'S A HEART ♪
♪ A HAND TO HOLD ONTO ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ THERE'S A FACE ♪
♪ OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE ♪
♪ AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE ♪
♪ A LIGHT IS WAITIN'
TO CARRY YOU HOME ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ DOOBIE DOO BAH BAH DAH ♪♪
I'M SO HAPPY YOU STAYED.
ME, TOO. I LOVE SEEING
A GROWN MAN CRY.
BECKY, YOU REALLY
OUGHT TO GO OUT WITH HIM.
YOU'RE BREAKING THE GUY'S HEART.
BACK OFF, MAN. I WAS
CHOPPING ONIONS.
COME IN, MICHELLE.
BRING THE BREAD WITH YOU.
HEAVY.
THERE WE GO.
THANK YOU.
AND FOR BEING SUCH A GOOD GIRL,
YOU GET TO RIDE ON YOUR HORSEY.
THANK YOU, JOEY.
TRY THIS.
UM... UM! VERY GOOD.
A LITTLE GARLIC.
OK, NOW THAT YOU'RE BOTH HERE,
I NEED A FAVOR.
AS YOU BOTH KNOW,
THE WOMEN IN MEDIA
CHARITY BACHELOR AUCTION
IS THIS THURSDAY.
I'M LOOKING FOR
ELIGIBLE BACHELORS
TO AUCTION OFF AS DATES.
SO I WAS WONDERING...
BECKY, THIS KIND OF THING
IS EMBARRASSING FOR ME.
YOU KNOW, WOMEN CHECKING ME OUT,
POKING ME, AND...
PRODDING ME LIKE
I'M A SLAB OF BEEF.
I'LL DO IT.
THANKS, JOEY.
OH, JESSE, WON'T
YOU DO IT FOR ME?
PLEASE?
PRETTY PLEASE?
AS A PERSONAL FAVOR?
I WOULD MAKE ME
REALLY, REALLY HAPPY.
THIS IS REALLY, REALLY UNFAIR.
BUT IT'S FOR A REALLY,
REALLY GOOD CAUSE.
I'M REALLY, REALLY
GOING TO REGRET THIS.
THANKS, JESS.
GUYS, I'VE GOT TO WARN YOU...
REBECCA'S GOING TO
TRY TO... BEAT ME HOME.
I CAUGHT ALL THE LIGHTS.
JOEY AND JESSE SAID YES.
WE'LL MAKE A FORTUNE
AUCTIONING OFF
YOU THREE HANDSOME DEVILS.
THREE?
REBECCA, YOU CAN'T
AUCTION ME OFF.
I'M THE AUCTIONEER.
YOU NEVER AUCTION
OFF THE AUCTIONEER.
THAT MAKES THE
AUCTIONEER THE AUCTIONEE.
IT'S CONFUSING.
I'M CONFUSED JUST SAYING IT.
WON'T YOU DO IT FOR ME?
AS A PERSONAL FAVOR?
IT WOULD MAKE ME
REALLY, REALLY HAPPY.
WELL, GUESS I FEEL
REAL SPECIAL NOW.
STOP THE HOMEWORK!
YOU WON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO COPY.
THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT
MICHAEL MONTFORT?
HE'S OK, I GUESS.
I HEARD, FROM TOM ALTOBELLO
WHO SITS NEXT TO
THE EPSTEIN TWINS,
THAT MICHAEL MONTFORT LIKES YOU.
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
HE'S SO CUTE!
I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST, "OK."
THAT WAS BEFORE
I KNEW HE LIKED ME.
YOU'RE SURE HE LIKES ME?
HE WANTS TO MEET
YOU AT THE BIKE RACKS.
IS THIS A TRICK?
IF I'M LYING, I WILL NEVER
GO SHOPPING AGAIN.
HE REALLY DOES LIKE ME.
♪ MICHAEL AND D.J. ♪
♪ SITTING IN A TREE ♪
♪ K-I-S-S... ♪
HOW'D YOU FIND OUT ABOUT THIS?
♪ I-N-G ♪
♪ FIRST COMES LOVE ♪
♪ THEN COMES MARRIAGE... ♪
DOES THE WHOLE SCHOOL KNOW?
I DON'T THINK THIRD GRADE KNOWS.
THEY WERE ON A FIELD TRIP.
♪ THEN COMES D.J.
WITH A BABY CARRIAGE ♪
UGH!
♪ MICHAEL AND D.J.
SITTING IN A TREE...♪♪
WE HAVE TO BE COOL.
HOW DO I LOOK?
YOU LOOK GREAT. AND ME?
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
HERE HE COMES.
HI, MICHAEL.
HEY, GIBBLER.
AHEM.
BYE, MICHAEL.
TELL ME EVERYTHING.
HI.
HI.
LOT OF BIKES, HUH?
YEAH. GOOD THING THEY
GOT ALL THESE BIKE RACKS.
SO... ARE YOU EATING
LUNCH TOMORROW?
PROBABLY.
ME, TOO! MAYBE WE
CAN EAT TOGETHER.
OK.
BUT WON'T PEOPLE SAY
THAT WE'RE BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND?
YEAH, MAYBE.
IS THAT OK?
YEAH. I GUESS SO.
YOU WANT THIS? IT'S A
FRIENDSHIP BRACELET.
OH, YEAH. SURE.
THANKS. IT'S REALLY NEAT.
YEAH!
WAY TO GO, D.J.!
WE HAVE A BOYFRIEND!
IT'S ABOUT TIME!
OK, GRANDPA, THE
NAME OF THE GAME
IS SEVEN CARD STUD.
THIS TIME, SIXES,
NINES, TWOS, KINGS,
AND ONE-EYED JACKS ARE WILD.
BINGO.
WRONG GAME, MICHELLE.
YOU DON'T WANT TO BE LATE.
LET'S GO.
WE'RE ON OUR WAY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
I'M SO GLAD THIS ISN'T A RENTAL.
WOW! YOU GUYS LOOK SO HANDSOME.
NAH! NAH! NAH!
OK, BYE.
WHAT'S THE RUSH? WE
HAVE TO WAIT FOR REBECCA.
D.J. DOESN'T WANT YOU
TO MEET HER NEW
BOYFRIEND MICHAEL.
OOH! OOH!
HE'S NOT COMING TO STUDY?
SINCE WHEN IS HE YOUR BOYFRIEND?
SINCE TUESDAY AT LUNCH.
DID YOU MENTION HE ALSO
GAVE YOU A BRACELET?
OOH! OOH!
IF IT'S MICHAEL, PROMISE
YOU WON'T EMBARRASS ME.
ME?
BE REBECCA! BE REBECCA!
HI, MICHAEL! LET'S GO
DO OUR HOMEWORK.
HELLO, MICHAEL.
I'M MR. TANNER, D.J.'S FATHER.
DAD!
I'LL GET IT.
COME ON! NOW'S OUR CHANCE!
HAVE MERCY!
WOW, JESS... YOU
CLEANED UP REAL NICE.
ALL THREE OF YOU
LOOK SO HANDSOME.
NAH! NAH! NAH!
YEAH.
LET'S GO.
HAVE FUN. SEE YOU LATER.
BYE. BYE.
BYE.
I'LL SEE YOUR TWO
FLINTSTONE STICKERS
AND RAISE YOU
THREE HELLO, KITTIES.
I CALL... SEVEN QUEENS.
BEAT THAT.
SEVEN ACES.
BINGO.
NO WAY.
I SWEAR, MY DAD WAS ALIVE
WHEN NEIL ARMSTRONG
WALKED ON THE MOON
NO WAY! IT'S IN
OUR HISTORY BOOK.
HE SAID.
AMAZING. WELL, I GOT TO GO.
I'LL SEE YOU AT LUNCH?
I CAN'T.
WHY NOT?
I PROMISED KATHY
SANTONI I'D SIT WITH HER.
KATHY SANTONI? YOU CAN'T
EAT LUNCH WITH KATHY SANTONI.
EVERYONE WILL SAY YOU'RE
BOYFRIEND/ GIRLFRIEND.
MAYBE.
BUT I THOUGHT WE WERE
BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND.
YEAH, WELL, YOU'RE REAL
NICE AND FUN AND SMART,
BUT KATHY SANTONI
IS... SO PRETTY.
THANKS FOR HELPING
ME WITH MY HOMEWORK.
I GOT TO GO.
HOW COME YOUR
BOYFRIEND LEFT SO SOON?
I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND.
UH-OH.
DID HE DUMP YOU?
WE BROKE UP.
JUST FORGET IT.
I WANT TO BE ALONE.
HERE'S YOUR SLEEPING BAG,
YOUR PAJAMAS, AND YOUR PILLOW.
GO SLEEP WITH MICHELLE.
BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT...
AREN'T YOU FORGETTING SOMETHING?
HOW RUDE!
NUMBER 12.
I'LL REMEMBER THAT.
WHOA WHOA!
I'LL REMEMBER THAT.
SEE THAT? SHE PINCHED
ME LIKE A RIPE TOMATO.
AT LEAST YOU'RE NOTICED.
IT'S LIKE HIGH SCHOOL.
NOBODY WANTS ME.
I'M GOING TO BE
TOTALLY HUMILIATED.
I'LL PROBABLY GET A ZIT.
THIS IS FUN. NOW WE
KNOW HOW WOMEN FEEL.
LET'S GO TO THE
BATHROOM TOGETHER.
HI, GUYS. HAVING A GOOD TIME?
OH, TRES FESTIVE.
ANY WAY OUT OF THIS?
HI, I'M CRYSTAL. ARE YOU
ONE OF OUR BACHELORS?
YES, I AM.
TOMATO NUMBER 12.
I TOOK THE LIBERTY
OF BUYING YOU SOME CHAMPAGNE.
THANK YOU.
A TOAST TO CHARITY?
HE'S A TRUE HUMANITARIAN.
HEY.
HI, MICHELLE.
YOU'VE GOT A ROOMMATE.
ISN'T THAT FUN?
SHH.
STEFI NIGHT-NIGHT.
I'LL TRY AND KEEP IT DOWN.
WAKE UP.
SOLD FOR $300.
CONGRATULATIONS, JEFF.
WHO WOULD'VE GUESSED
THIS WOULD HAPPEN
ON YOUR FIRST DAY OF PAROLE?
WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?
JUST KIDDING.
AND NOW, LADIES,
FEAST YOUR EYES ON
BACHELOR NUMBER 10.
FOR AN EVENING OF DINNER
AND DANCING AT LUIGI'S,
MR. JOEY GLADSTONE!
THE BIDDING STARTS AT $100.
I HAVE 100. DO I HAVE 150?
150. DO I SEE 200?
200?
$200?
I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND
WHAT WE HAVE HERE.
HE'S A COMIC. HE
DOES IMPRESSIONS.
YOU BUY HIM, YOU BUY A DATE
WITH ANYONE YOUR
FANTASIES DESIRE...
TOM SELLECK, ARNOLD
SCHWARZENEGGER,
SYLVESTER STALLONE.
OH, $200.200.
DO I HAVE 250?
250. DO I SEE 300?
300?
300.
$300 GOING ONCE, GOING TWICE,
SOLD FOR $300 TO THE WOMAN
WITH THE BIRD ON HER HAT.
HI, HANDSOME.
HI.
GUESS I'M YOUR DATE.
NICE BIRD.
YOU'RE NOT FOR ME.
YOU'RE A GIFT FOR
MY GRANDDAUGHTER.
OH, HEATHER.
HI.
HE'S CUTE.
THANKS, GRANDMA.
YEAH. THANKS, GRANDMA.
NOW WE HAVE BACHELOR NUMBER 12.
OH, WAIT.
IT SEEMS THAT DANNY'S
CONVENIENTLY FORGOTTEN
THAT HE'S BACHELOR NUMBER 11.
LADIES, MR. DANNY TANNER.
HE'S MY COHOST ON
WAKE UP, SAN FRANCISCO,
HE'S A BARREL OF FUN,
AND LOOK, HE CAN CHANGE COLORS.
HE'S TURNING RED
BEFORE OUR EYES.
HERE YOU GO.
GO GET THEM, TIGER.
UH... ALL RIGHT. NOW, REMEMBER,
THIS IS FOR A VERY GOOD CAUSE.
OH, UH, NOW, OUR
DATE INCLUDES DINNER,
SO AT LEAST YOU'LL
GET SOME FOOD.
HEY!
I'VE GOT A BID!
$100.
OH, BLESS YOU, MISS.
OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
I GOT ANOTHER BID... 150!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
I'M HOT! I'M HAPPENING!
OK, 200.
ANYBODY, $200.
DON'T STOP NOW. I
CAN GO ALL NIGHT.
I THINK YOU MISUNDERSTOOD ME.
WHAT I MEANT WAS, UH,
SOLD FOR $150 TO THE LADY
WITH THE BIRD ON HER HAT.
DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER
GRANDDAUGHTER?
OH, NO, SWEETIE.
YOU'RE FOR ME.
WE'RE GOING TO
BOOGIE ALL NIGHT LONG.
I'LL TAKE A NAP THAT DAY.
OK, IT'S TIME NOW FOR
BACHELOR NUMBER 12,
MR. JESSE KATSOPOLIS!
COME ON, JESSE.
JESSE'S AN UP-AND-COMING
ADVERTISING JINGLE WRITER,
HE'S A MUSICIAN, AND...
WILL YOU JUST START THE BIDDING?
RIGHT. DO I HAVE $100?
STUPID QUESTION.
UH, 200?
300?
I BID $1,000.
WHOO! WHOO!
WHAT DO YOU THINK, JESSE?
$1,000 FOR A NIGHT WITH ME?
NO PRESSURE THERE.
$1,000 GOING ONCE,
GOING TWICE... 1,100!
OHH.
1,100?
1,200.
OHH.
1,300.
OOH.
1,400!
$1,700.
ALL RIGHT!
HOW ABOUT 1,800? ANYBODY.
TAKE HIM.
I COULD NEVER EXPLAIN
$1,800 TO MY HUSBAND.
SOLD TO REBECCA
DONALDSON FOR $1,700!
JOEY'S UNBELIEVABLE.
HEY! ALL YOU GUYS GET SOLD?
NICK, I GOT A GREAT GIRL.
I GOT HER GRANDMOTHER.
I GOT BECKY. SHE PAID
1,700 BUCKS FOR ME.
WHAT ARE YOU, NUTS?
THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
STIFLE IT.
WELL, IT WAS FOR A
GOOD CAUSE AND...
SO, NICK, HOW ARE THE KIDS?
STEFI SLEPT WITH MICHELLE
BECAUSE D.J. WANTED TO BE ALONE.
HER BOYFRIEND BROKE UP WITH HER.
SHE MUST BE CRUSHED.
HER FIRST BROKEN HEART.
THIS SOUNDS LIKE A JOB FOR DAD.
WHAT SHOULD DAD SAY?
YOU BETTER TAKE
ALONG JUNIOR DADS.
JUNIOR DAD TIME.
THANKS.
YOU PAID 1,700 BUCKS
FOR JESSE, HUH?
YOU MAY NOT KNOW THIS...
YOU COULD'VE HAD HIM FOR FREE.
HI.
WE HEARD WHAT HAPPENED.
DID YOU HAVE A FIGHT?
NO. IT'S ALL BECAUSE
I'M NOT PRETTY.
COME ON.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
I THINK YOU'RE VERY PRETTY.
YOU HAVE TO THINK THAT.
YOU'RE MY DAD.
DID I EVER TELL YOU
ABOUT THE UGLY DUCKLING?
RIGHT. GOOD STORY.
TELL THE UGLY DUCKLING STORY.
YOU THINK I'M UGLY?
I JUST THOUGHT I WASN'T PRETTY.
NOW I'M UGLY.
DEEJ.
D.J.
WE DON'T THINK YOU'RE UGLY.
THE DUCK IS UGLY.
IT BECOMES A BEAUTIFUL SWAN.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
YOU TOLD THE STORY
OF THE UGLY DUCKLING?
YEAH.
YOU ONLY TELL THAT
STORY ABOUT OTHER KIDS.
WOULD YOU TRY TALKING TO HER?
MAYBE D.J. NEEDS A
WOMAN TO TALK TO.
WE SHOULD HAVE TOLD
HER HANSEL AND GRETEL.
THAT'S FOR KIDS IN
THE WOODS, DING-DONG.
D.J.
OH, GOOD. MY ROOM'S OPEN.
D.J., IT'S JUST BECKY.
DO YOU WANT TO COME
OUT SO WE CAN TALK?
FORGOT MY STUFF.
COME ON, SWEETHEART.
LET'S GO IN YOUR ROOM.
SORRY, MR. BEAR.
YOU'VE HAD A ROUGH NIGHT.
THERE'S NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT.
I'M UGLY. BOYS DON'T LIKE ME.
D.J., THAT'S NOT TRUE.
YOU HAPPEN TO BE
A VERY PRETTY GIRL.
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
WHEN I WAS IN THE SEVENTH GRADE,
I HAD THE BIGGEST
CRUSH ON SVEN ANDERSON,
BUT HE LIKED BLONDES,
SO I GOT A BIG
BOTTLE OF PEROXIDE.
DID IT WORK?
TURNED MY HAIR ORANGE.
I LOOKED LIKE HOWDY
DOODY IN A MINISKIRT.
HOWDY WHO?
ANYWAY,
MY MOTHER SAID, "DON'T
WORRY ABOUT WHAT A BOYFRIEND
"OR ANYBODY ELSE THINKS OF YOU.
JUST BE THE BEST
BECKY YOU CAN BE."
THEN SHE MADE ME
LIST ALL MY GOOD POINTS.
YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO MAKE ME DO THAT?
YES, I AM.
GO ON. TRY IT.
WELL...
I'M PRETTY GOOD AT SCHOOL.
I HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS.
I HAVE A PURPLE BELT IN KARATE.
I'M NICE TO ANIMALS.
I HAVE GREAT HAIR.
YOU SEE?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THOSE ARE JUST A FEW
OF THE WONDERFUL
THINGS ABOUT YOU.
DEEJ, THAT BOY BLEW IT.
YOU ARE THE BEST.
THANKS, BECKY.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
WILL I EVER HAVE
ANOTHER BOYFRIEND?
OH, YOU'LL HAVE
LOTS OF BOYFRIENDS,
AND SOME WILL BREAK YOUR HEART,
AND YOU'LL PROBABLY BREAK
A FEW HEARTS YOURSELF.
IT'LL BE GREAT.
AND THEN SOMEDAY
WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT,
YOU'LL MEET THAT
ONE SPECIAL GUY,
AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,
YOU'LL BE PAYING $1,700
TO GO OUT ON A DATE WITH HIM.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
NEITHER DO I, BUT
YOU'RE FEELING BETTER?
YEAH, I GUESS.
GOOD.
BECKY, WOULD IT BE OK
IF I CALLED YOU SOMETIME
TO TALK... ABOUT GIRL STUFF?
ANY TIME YOU WANT.
THANKS.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
YOU GO ON. I'LL HANDLE THIS.
IS D.J. OK?
YEAH. SHE'S FEELING BETTER.
SHE JUST NEEDED GIRL TALK.
THANKS. I'LL JUST SAY
GOOD NIGHT TO HER.
THEY SHOULD PUT A WARNING LABEL
ON THAT UGLY DUCKLING STORY.
HOT CHOCOLATE?
SURE.
JESS, WE HAVE TO TALK.
I KNOW.
LOOK, I'M NOT GOING TO
HOLD YOU TO THIS DATE.
I'VE ASKED YOU
OUT SEVERAL TIMES.
IT'S CLEAR YOUR
CAREER COMES FIRST
AND YOU JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS.
YOU GOT CAUGHT UP IN THE
EXCITEMENT, EVERYBODY BIDDING...
JESSE, UH... TO BE
HONEST... OH, BOY.
TONIGHT, WHEN CRYSTAL
WAS ABOUT TO WIN
THAT DATE WITH YOU,
SOMETHING HAPPENED TO ME.
I WAS, UH...
A LITTLE JEALOUS?
I WANTED TO CLAW HER EYES OUT.
REALLY?
UH-HUH.
I KNOW WHAT I SAID BEFORE,
BUT I THINK MAYBE
NOW WE SHOULD GO OUT.
MAYBE THIS COULD
TURN INTO SOMETHING,
OR MAYBE IT WON'T,
OR MAYBE YOU SHOULD
JUST SHUT ME UP.
OK.
OK, COME ON.
HAVE MERCY!
COME ON, LITTLE MONSTER.
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE
NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF
CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT
PERMISSION OF NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
♪ DO-WAH ♪
♪ DOO-WAH ♪
♪ PLEASANT DREAMS ♪
♪ SLEEP TIGHT, MY LOVE ♪
♪ DO-WAH ♪
♪ DO-WAH ♪
♪ MAY TOMORROW BE
SUNNY AND BRIGHT ♪
♪ AND BRING YOU CLOSER TO ME ♪
♪ DO DO DO DO DO DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO, DO DO DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO DO DO DO ♪
♪ WAH ♪
♪ DO DO DO DO DO DO... ♪♪
♪ WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO PREDICTABILITY ♪
♪ THE MILKMAN, THE
PAPER BOY, EVENING TV ♪
♪ HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE ♪
♪ THIS OLD WORLD'S
CONFUSIN' ME ♪
♪ CLOUDS AS MEAN
AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN ♪
♪ AIN'T A BIRD WHO
KNOWS YOUR TUNE ♪
♪ THEN A LITTLE VOICE
INSIDE YOU WHISPERS ♪
♪ KID, DON'T SELL YOUR
DREAMS SO SOON ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ THERE'S A HEART ♪
♪ THERE'S A HEART ♪
♪ A HAND TO HOLD ONTO ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ THERE'S A FACE ♪
♪ OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE ♪
♪ AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE ♪
♪ A LIGHT IS WAITIN'
TO CARRY YOU HOME ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ DOOBIE DOO BAH BAH DAH ♪♪
I'M SO HAPPY YOU STAYED.
ME, TOO. I LOVE SEEING
A GROWN MAN CRY.
BECKY, YOU REALLY
OUGHT TO GO OUT WITH HIM.
YOU'RE BREAKING THE GUY'S HEART.
BACK OFF, MAN. I WAS
CHOPPING ONIONS.
COME IN, MICHELLE.
BRING THE BREAD WITH YOU.
HEAVY.
THERE WE GO.
THANK YOU.
AND FOR BEING SUCH A GOOD GIRL,
YOU GET TO RIDE ON YOUR HORSEY.
THANK YOU, JOEY.
TRY THIS.
UM... UM! VERY GOOD.
A LITTLE GARLIC.
OK, NOW THAT YOU'RE BOTH HERE,
I NEED A FAVOR.
AS YOU BOTH KNOW,
THE WOMEN IN MEDIA
CHARITY BACHELOR AUCTION
IS THIS THURSDAY.
I'M LOOKING FOR
ELIGIBLE BACHELORS
TO AUCTION OFF AS DATES.
SO I WAS WONDERING...
BECKY, THIS KIND OF THING
IS EMBARRASSING FOR ME.
YOU KNOW, WOMEN CHECKING ME OUT,
POKING ME, AND...
PRODDING ME LIKE
I'M A SLAB OF BEEF.
I'LL DO IT.
THANKS, JOEY.
OH, JESSE, WON'T
YOU DO IT FOR ME?
PLEASE?
PRETTY PLEASE?
AS A PERSONAL FAVOR?
I WOULD MAKE ME
REALLY, REALLY HAPPY.
THIS IS REALLY, REALLY UNFAIR.
BUT IT'S FOR A REALLY,
REALLY GOOD CAUSE.
I'M REALLY, REALLY
GOING TO REGRET THIS.
THANKS, JESS.
GUYS, I'VE GOT TO WARN YOU...
REBECCA'S GOING TO
TRY TO... BEAT ME HOME.
I CAUGHT ALL THE LIGHTS.
JOEY AND JESSE SAID YES.
WE'LL MAKE A FORTUNE
AUCTIONING OFF
YOU THREE HANDSOME DEVILS.
THREE?
REBECCA, YOU CAN'T
AUCTION ME OFF.
I'M THE AUCTIONEER.
YOU NEVER AUCTION
OFF THE AUCTIONEER.
THAT MAKES THE
AUCTIONEER THE AUCTIONEE.
IT'S CONFUSING.
I'M CONFUSED JUST SAYING IT.
WON'T YOU DO IT FOR ME?
AS A PERSONAL FAVOR?
IT WOULD MAKE ME
REALLY, REALLY HAPPY.
WELL, GUESS I FEEL
REAL SPECIAL NOW.
STOP THE HOMEWORK!
YOU WON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO COPY.
THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT
MICHAEL MONTFORT?
HE'S OK, I GUESS.
I HEARD, FROM TOM ALTOBELLO
WHO SITS NEXT TO
THE EPSTEIN TWINS,
THAT MICHAEL MONTFORT LIKES YOU.
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
HE'S SO CUTE!
I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST, "OK."
THAT WAS BEFORE
I KNEW HE LIKED ME.
YOU'RE SURE HE LIKES ME?
HE WANTS TO MEET
YOU AT THE BIKE RACKS.
IS THIS A TRICK?
IF I'M LYING, I WILL NEVER
GO SHOPPING AGAIN.
HE REALLY DOES LIKE ME.
♪ MICHAEL AND D.J. ♪
♪ SITTING IN A TREE ♪
♪ K-I-S-S... ♪
HOW'D YOU FIND OUT ABOUT THIS?
♪ I-N-G ♪
♪ FIRST COMES LOVE ♪
♪ THEN COMES MARRIAGE... ♪
DOES THE WHOLE SCHOOL KNOW?
I DON'T THINK THIRD GRADE KNOWS.
THEY WERE ON A FIELD TRIP.
♪ THEN COMES D.J.
WITH A BABY CARRIAGE ♪
UGH!
♪ MICHAEL AND D.J.
SITTING IN A TREE...♪♪
WE HAVE TO BE COOL.
HOW DO I LOOK?
YOU LOOK GREAT. AND ME?
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
HERE HE COMES.
HI, MICHAEL.
HEY, GIBBLER.
AHEM.
BYE, MICHAEL.
TELL ME EVERYTHING.
HI.
HI.
LOT OF BIKES, HUH?
YEAH. GOOD THING THEY
GOT ALL THESE BIKE RACKS.
SO... ARE YOU EATING
LUNCH TOMORROW?
PROBABLY.
ME, TOO! MAYBE WE
CAN EAT TOGETHER.
OK.
BUT WON'T PEOPLE SAY
THAT WE'RE BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND?
YEAH, MAYBE.
IS THAT OK?
YEAH. I GUESS SO.
YOU WANT THIS? IT'S A
FRIENDSHIP BRACELET.
OH, YEAH. SURE.
THANKS. IT'S REALLY NEAT.
YEAH!
WAY TO GO, D.J.!
WE HAVE A BOYFRIEND!
IT'S ABOUT TIME!
OK, GRANDPA, THE
NAME OF THE GAME
IS SEVEN CARD STUD.
THIS TIME, SIXES,
NINES, TWOS, KINGS,
AND ONE-EYED JACKS ARE WILD.
BINGO.
WRONG GAME, MICHELLE.
YOU DON'T WANT TO BE LATE.
LET'S GO.
WE'RE ON OUR WAY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
I'M SO GLAD THIS ISN'T A RENTAL.
WOW! YOU GUYS LOOK SO HANDSOME.
NAH! NAH! NAH!
OK, BYE.
WHAT'S THE RUSH? WE
HAVE TO WAIT FOR REBECCA.
D.J. DOESN'T WANT YOU
TO MEET HER NEW
BOYFRIEND MICHAEL.
OOH! OOH!
HE'S NOT COMING TO STUDY?
SINCE WHEN IS HE YOUR BOYFRIEND?
SINCE TUESDAY AT LUNCH.
DID YOU MENTION HE ALSO
GAVE YOU A BRACELET?
OOH! OOH!
IF IT'S MICHAEL, PROMISE
YOU WON'T EMBARRASS ME.
ME?
BE REBECCA! BE REBECCA!
HI, MICHAEL! LET'S GO
DO OUR HOMEWORK.
HELLO, MICHAEL.
I'M MR. TANNER, D.J.'S FATHER.
DAD!
I'LL GET IT.
COME ON! NOW'S OUR CHANCE!
HAVE MERCY!
WOW, JESS... YOU
CLEANED UP REAL NICE.
ALL THREE OF YOU
LOOK SO HANDSOME.
NAH! NAH! NAH!
YEAH.
LET'S GO.
HAVE FUN. SEE YOU LATER.
BYE. BYE.
BYE.
I'LL SEE YOUR TWO
FLINTSTONE STICKERS
AND RAISE YOU
THREE HELLO, KITTIES.
I CALL... SEVEN QUEENS.
BEAT THAT.
SEVEN ACES.
BINGO.
NO WAY.
I SWEAR, MY DAD WAS ALIVE
WHEN NEIL ARMSTRONG
WALKED ON THE MOON
NO WAY! IT'S IN
OUR HISTORY BOOK.
HE SAID.
AMAZING. WELL, I GOT TO GO.
I'LL SEE YOU AT LUNCH?
I CAN'T.
WHY NOT?
I PROMISED KATHY
SANTONI I'D SIT WITH HER.
KATHY SANTONI? YOU CAN'T
EAT LUNCH WITH KATHY SANTONI.
EVERYONE WILL SAY YOU'RE
BOYFRIEND/ GIRLFRIEND.
MAYBE.
BUT I THOUGHT WE WERE
BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND.
YEAH, WELL, YOU'RE REAL
NICE AND FUN AND SMART,
BUT KATHY SANTONI
IS... SO PRETTY.
THANKS FOR HELPING
ME WITH MY HOMEWORK.
I GOT TO GO.
HOW COME YOUR
BOYFRIEND LEFT SO SOON?
I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND.
UH-OH.
DID HE DUMP YOU?
WE BROKE UP.
JUST FORGET IT.
I WANT TO BE ALONE.
HERE'S YOUR SLEEPING BAG,
YOUR PAJAMAS, AND YOUR PILLOW.
GO SLEEP WITH MICHELLE.
BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT...
AREN'T YOU FORGETTING SOMETHING?
HOW RUDE!
NUMBER 12.
I'LL REMEMBER THAT.
WHOA WHOA!
I'LL REMEMBER THAT.
SEE THAT? SHE PINCHED
ME LIKE A RIPE TOMATO.
AT LEAST YOU'RE NOTICED.
IT'S LIKE HIGH SCHOOL.
NOBODY WANTS ME.
I'M GOING TO BE
TOTALLY HUMILIATED.
I'LL PROBABLY GET A ZIT.
THIS IS FUN. NOW WE
KNOW HOW WOMEN FEEL.
LET'S GO TO THE
BATHROOM TOGETHER.
HI, GUYS. HAVING A GOOD TIME?
OH, TRES FESTIVE.
ANY WAY OUT OF THIS?
HI, I'M CRYSTAL. ARE YOU
ONE OF OUR BACHELORS?
YES, I AM.
TOMATO NUMBER 12.
I TOOK THE LIBERTY
OF BUYING YOU SOME CHAMPAGNE.
THANK YOU.
A TOAST TO CHARITY?
HE'S A TRUE HUMANITARIAN.
HEY.
HI, MICHELLE.
YOU'VE GOT A ROOMMATE.
ISN'T THAT FUN?
SHH.
STEFI NIGHT-NIGHT.
I'LL TRY AND KEEP IT DOWN.
WAKE UP.
SOLD FOR $300.
CONGRATULATIONS, JEFF.
WHO WOULD'VE GUESSED
THIS WOULD HAPPEN
ON YOUR FIRST DAY OF PAROLE?
WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?
JUST KIDDING.
AND NOW, LADIES,
FEAST YOUR EYES ON
BACHELOR NUMBER 10.
FOR AN EVENING OF DINNER
AND DANCING AT LUIGI'S,
MR. JOEY GLADSTONE!
THE BIDDING STARTS AT $100.
I HAVE 100. DO I HAVE 150?
150. DO I SEE 200?
200?
$200?
I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND
WHAT WE HAVE HERE.
HE'S A COMIC. HE
DOES IMPRESSIONS.
YOU BUY HIM, YOU BUY A DATE
WITH ANYONE YOUR
FANTASIES DESIRE...
TOM SELLECK, ARNOLD
SCHWARZENEGGER,
SYLVESTER STALLONE.
OH, $200.200.
DO I HAVE 250?
250. DO I SEE 300?
300?
300.
$300 GOING ONCE, GOING TWICE,
SOLD FOR $300 TO THE WOMAN
WITH THE BIRD ON HER HAT.
HI, HANDSOME.
HI.
GUESS I'M YOUR DATE.
NICE BIRD.
YOU'RE NOT FOR ME.
YOU'RE A GIFT FOR
MY GRANDDAUGHTER.
OH, HEATHER.
HI.
HE'S CUTE.
THANKS, GRANDMA.
YEAH. THANKS, GRANDMA.
NOW WE HAVE BACHELOR NUMBER 12.
OH, WAIT.
IT SEEMS THAT DANNY'S
CONVENIENTLY FORGOTTEN
THAT HE'S BACHELOR NUMBER 11.
LADIES, MR. DANNY TANNER.
HE'S MY COHOST ON
WAKE UP, SAN FRANCISCO,
HE'S A BARREL OF FUN,
AND LOOK, HE CAN CHANGE COLORS.
HE'S TURNING RED
BEFORE OUR EYES.
HERE YOU GO.
GO GET THEM, TIGER.
UH... ALL RIGHT. NOW, REMEMBER,
THIS IS FOR A VERY GOOD CAUSE.
OH, UH, NOW, OUR
DATE INCLUDES DINNER,
SO AT LEAST YOU'LL
GET SOME FOOD.
HEY!
I'VE GOT A BID!
$100.
OH, BLESS YOU, MISS.
OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
I GOT ANOTHER BID... 150!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
I'M HOT! I'M HAPPENING!
OK, 200.
ANYBODY, $200.
DON'T STOP NOW. I
CAN GO ALL NIGHT.
I THINK YOU MISUNDERSTOOD ME.
WHAT I MEANT WAS, UH,
SOLD FOR $150 TO THE LADY
WITH THE BIRD ON HER HAT.
DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER
GRANDDAUGHTER?
OH, NO, SWEETIE.
YOU'RE FOR ME.
WE'RE GOING TO
BOOGIE ALL NIGHT LONG.
I'LL TAKE A NAP THAT DAY.
OK, IT'S TIME NOW FOR
BACHELOR NUMBER 12,
MR. JESSE KATSOPOLIS!
COME ON, JESSE.
JESSE'S AN UP-AND-COMING
ADVERTISING JINGLE WRITER,
HE'S A MUSICIAN, AND...
WILL YOU JUST START THE BIDDING?
RIGHT. DO I HAVE $100?
STUPID QUESTION.
UH, 200?
300?
I BID $1,000.
WHOO! WHOO!
WHAT DO YOU THINK, JESSE?
$1,000 FOR A NIGHT WITH ME?
NO PRESSURE THERE.
$1,000 GOING ONCE,
GOING TWICE... 1,100!
OHH.
1,100?
1,200.
OHH.
1,300.
OOH.
1,400!
$1,700.
ALL RIGHT!
HOW ABOUT 1,800? ANYBODY.
TAKE HIM.
I COULD NEVER EXPLAIN
$1,800 TO MY HUSBAND.
SOLD TO REBECCA
DONALDSON FOR $1,700!
JOEY'S UNBELIEVABLE.
HEY! ALL YOU GUYS GET SOLD?
NICK, I GOT A GREAT GIRL.
I GOT HER GRANDMOTHER.
I GOT BECKY. SHE PAID
1,700 BUCKS FOR ME.
WHAT ARE YOU, NUTS?
THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
STIFLE IT.
WELL, IT WAS FOR A
GOOD CAUSE AND...
SO, NICK, HOW ARE THE KIDS?
STEFI SLEPT WITH MICHELLE
BECAUSE D.J. WANTED TO BE ALONE.
HER BOYFRIEND BROKE UP WITH HER.
SHE MUST BE CRUSHED.
HER FIRST BROKEN HEART.
THIS SOUNDS LIKE A JOB FOR DAD.
WHAT SHOULD DAD SAY?
YOU BETTER TAKE
ALONG JUNIOR DADS.
JUNIOR DAD TIME.
THANKS.
YOU PAID 1,700 BUCKS
FOR JESSE, HUH?
YOU MAY NOT KNOW THIS...
YOU COULD'VE HAD HIM FOR FREE.
HI.
WE HEARD WHAT HAPPENED.
DID YOU HAVE A FIGHT?
NO. IT'S ALL BECAUSE
I'M NOT PRETTY.
COME ON.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
I THINK YOU'RE VERY PRETTY.
YOU HAVE TO THINK THAT.
YOU'RE MY DAD.
DID I EVER TELL YOU
ABOUT THE UGLY DUCKLING?
RIGHT. GOOD STORY.
TELL THE UGLY DUCKLING STORY.
YOU THINK I'M UGLY?
I JUST THOUGHT I WASN'T PRETTY.
NOW I'M UGLY.
DEEJ.
D.J.
WE DON'T THINK YOU'RE UGLY.
THE DUCK IS UGLY.
IT BECOMES A BEAUTIFUL SWAN.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
YOU TOLD THE STORY
OF THE UGLY DUCKLING?
YEAH.
YOU ONLY TELL THAT
STORY ABOUT OTHER KIDS.
WOULD YOU TRY TALKING TO HER?
MAYBE D.J. NEEDS A
WOMAN TO TALK TO.
WE SHOULD HAVE TOLD
HER HANSEL AND GRETEL.
THAT'S FOR KIDS IN
THE WOODS, DING-DONG.
D.J.
OH, GOOD. MY ROOM'S OPEN.
D.J., IT'S JUST BECKY.
DO YOU WANT TO COME
OUT SO WE CAN TALK?
FORGOT MY STUFF.
COME ON, SWEETHEART.
LET'S GO IN YOUR ROOM.
SORRY, MR. BEAR.
YOU'VE HAD A ROUGH NIGHT.
THERE'S NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT.
I'M UGLY. BOYS DON'T LIKE ME.
D.J., THAT'S NOT TRUE.
YOU HAPPEN TO BE
A VERY PRETTY GIRL.
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
WHEN I WAS IN THE SEVENTH GRADE,
I HAD THE BIGGEST
CRUSH ON SVEN ANDERSON,
BUT HE LIKED BLONDES,
SO I GOT A BIG
BOTTLE OF PEROXIDE.
DID IT WORK?
TURNED MY HAIR ORANGE.
I LOOKED LIKE HOWDY
DOODY IN A MINISKIRT.
HOWDY WHO?
ANYWAY,
MY MOTHER SAID, "DON'T
WORRY ABOUT WHAT A BOYFRIEND
"OR ANYBODY ELSE THINKS OF YOU.
JUST BE THE BEST
BECKY YOU CAN BE."
THEN SHE MADE ME
LIST ALL MY GOOD POINTS.
YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO MAKE ME DO THAT?
YES, I AM.
GO ON. TRY IT.
WELL...
I'M PRETTY GOOD AT SCHOOL.
I HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS.
I HAVE A PURPLE BELT IN KARATE.
I'M NICE TO ANIMALS.
I HAVE GREAT HAIR.
YOU SEE?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THOSE ARE JUST A FEW
OF THE WONDERFUL
THINGS ABOUT YOU.
DEEJ, THAT BOY BLEW IT.
YOU ARE THE BEST.
THANKS, BECKY.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
WILL I EVER HAVE
ANOTHER BOYFRIEND?
OH, YOU'LL HAVE
LOTS OF BOYFRIENDS,
AND SOME WILL BREAK YOUR HEART,
AND YOU'LL PROBABLY BREAK
A FEW HEARTS YOURSELF.
IT'LL BE GREAT.
AND THEN SOMEDAY
WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT,
YOU'LL MEET THAT
ONE SPECIAL GUY,
AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,
YOU'LL BE PAYING $1,700
TO GO OUT ON A DATE WITH HIM.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
NEITHER DO I, BUT
YOU'RE FEELING BETTER?
YEAH, I GUESS.
GOOD.
BECKY, WOULD IT BE OK
IF I CALLED YOU SOMETIME
TO TALK... ABOUT GIRL STUFF?
ANY TIME YOU WANT.
THANKS.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
YOU GO ON. I'LL HANDLE THIS.
IS D.J. OK?
YEAH. SHE'S FEELING BETTER.
SHE JUST NEEDED GIRL TALK.
THANKS. I'LL JUST SAY
GOOD NIGHT TO HER.
THEY SHOULD PUT A WARNING LABEL
ON THAT UGLY DUCKLING STORY.
HOT CHOCOLATE?
SURE.
JESS, WE HAVE TO TALK.
I KNOW.
LOOK, I'M NOT GOING TO
HOLD YOU TO THIS DATE.
I'VE ASKED YOU
OUT SEVERAL TIMES.
IT'S CLEAR YOUR
CAREER COMES FIRST
AND YOU JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS.
YOU GOT CAUGHT UP IN THE
EXCITEMENT, EVERYBODY BIDDING...
JESSE, UH... TO BE
HONEST... OH, BOY.
TONIGHT, WHEN CRYSTAL
WAS ABOUT TO WIN
THAT DATE WITH YOU,
SOMETHING HAPPENED TO ME.
I WAS, UH...
A LITTLE JEALOUS?
I WANTED TO CLAW HER EYES OUT.
REALLY?
UH-HUH.
I KNOW WHAT I SAID BEFORE,
BUT I THINK MAYBE
NOW WE SHOULD GO OUT.
MAYBE THIS COULD
TURN INTO SOMETHING,
OR MAYBE IT WON'T,
OR MAYBE YOU SHOULD
JUST SHUT ME UP.
OK.
OK, COME ON.
HAVE MERCY!
COME ON, LITTLE MONSTER.
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE
NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF
CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT
PERMISSION OF NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE