Full House (1987–1995): Season 1, Episode 18 - Just One of the Guys - full transcript
D.J. feels left out when her cousin visits and spends most of his time roughhousing with Danny.
♪ AH, AH, AH, AH ♪
♪ AH ♪
♪ WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO PREDICTABILITY ♪
♪ THE MILKMAN, THE
PAPER BOY, EVENIN' TV? ♪
♪ HOW DID I GET
DELIVERED HERE? ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE ♪
♪ THIS OLD WORLD'S
CONFUSIN' ME ♪
♪ CLOUDS AS MEAN
AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN ♪
♪ AIN'T A BIRD WHO
KNOWS YOUR TUNE ♪
♪ THEN A LITTLE VOICE
INSIDE YOU WHISPERS ♪
♪ KID, DON'T SELL YOUR
DREAMS SO SOON ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ THERE'S A HEART ♪
♪ THERE'S A HEART ♪
♪ A HAND TO HOLD ONTO ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ THERE'S A FACE ♪
♪ OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE ♪
♪ AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE ♪
♪ A LIGHT IS WAITING
TO CARRY YOU HOME ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ DEE-DE-DE ♪
♪ SHOOBY-DOO BOP BA-DAH ♪♪
CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
OK, MICHELLE...
WELL, YOUR GRANDMA'S
GONNA MAKE YOU AN OUTFIT,
AND WE HAVE TO GET
YOUR MEASUREMENTS, OK?
ALL RIGHT, HOLD
HER ARMS UP, JOEY.
OK. REACH FOR THE SKY, MICHELLE.
BRR-RRR-RRR...
I'M SORRY. I COULDN'T RESIST
THOSE CUTE LITTLE PITS OF YOURS.
ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
FIRST, WE START
OFF WITH THE CHEST.
OK.
AND IT IS... 18 INCHES.
18.
OK, NOW WE GO TO HER TUMMY,
WHICH IS... 18 INCHES.
18 INCHES? MICHELLE,
YOU LITTLE BUTTERBALL.
AND SHE'S SELF-BASTING.
YOUNG LADY, YOU BETTER HOPE
GRANDMA'S NOT KNITTING ANYTHING
WITH HORIZONTAL STRIPES.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S
GET HER HIPS HERE.
OK.
HERE WE GO. AND... 18.
18-18-18.
EXACT SAME MEASUREMENTS
AS HER FATHER.
ALL RIGHT, STAND HER UP.
I GOTTA GET HER INSEAM.
OK. COME ON. STAND HER UP.
COME ON, HERE WE GO.
STAND UP, MICHELLE. COME ON.
DO SOMETHING FUN.
MAKE THIS FUN FOR HER.
OK. OK. DO SOME VOICES.
WHAT DOES A MOO COW SAY?
A MOO COW SAYS MOO.
MOO.
MOO. MOO.
MOO. MOO.
MOO. MOO-MOO-MOO-MOO.
AND YOUR DAD LETS THESE
PEOPLE TAKE CARE OF YOU?
IT'S HARD TO FIND GOOD HELP.
MOO. MOO.
SAY MOO.
WANNA COME TO THE
CHURCH BAKE SALE?
I CAN'T. I'M WAITING
FOR MY COUSIN STEVE.
I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN 2 YEARS.
D.J., YOU GOTTA COME.
THIS YEAR I MADE THE THREE
WISE MEN OUT OF STRUDEL.
KIMMY, STEVE IS
LIKE MY BIG BROTHER.
WE GO ICE SKATING.
WE MESS AROUND.
WE HAVE SO MUCH FUN.
IT'S LIKE WE'RE
NOT EVEN RELATED.
WHAT'S HE LOOK LIKE?
WELL, LOOKS AREN'T EVERYTHING.
A REAL GEEKBURGER, HUH?
WELL, HE DOES HAVE GLASSES
AND BRACES AND ZITS,
BUT OTHER THAN
THAT, HE'S REALLY CUTE.
GEEKBURGER WITH CHEESE.
♪ DA-DA DA-DAH ♪
♪ DA-DA DA-DAH ♪♪
HEY, STEVE, "DA-DA
DA-DAH" MEANS GET IN HERE.
SORRY, THAT WAS MY
FIRST DA-DA DA-DAH.
GREETINGS FROM BALTIMORE.
STEVE?
D.J., HOW YOU DOING, SPORT?
HI, STEVE.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR GLASSES?
OH, I GOT CONTACTS.
YOUR BRACES?
GOT 'EM OFF.
YOUR FACE FULL OF ZITS?
THEY CLEARED UP.
YEAH. ONE NIGHT I WENT
TO BED LOOKING LIKE A NERD
AND WOKE UP LOOKING LIKE THIS.
ISN'T NATURE GREAT?
THE BEST.
KIMMY, DO YOU REALIZE
YOU JUST SLAMMED
THE DOOR ON MY FACE?
WHAT DOOR?
HERE, LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT.
GREAT. YOU'LL BE STAYING
IN OUR BEAUTIFUL,
SPACIOUS ALCOVE.
ALL RIGHT!
D.J., CAN YOU BELIEVE
YOUR LITTLE COUSIN
IS BEING OFFERED
A BASEBALL SCHOLARSHIP
FROM STANFORD?
I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOU.
I CAN'T GET OVER
HOW YOU'VE SHOT UP.
YEAH, WELL, I GIVE THE CREDIT
TO GOOD FOOD,
PLENTY OF EXERCISE,
AND ALL THAT SLEEP
I GOT DURING CLASS.
HE'S FUNNY, TOO.
I'M SORRY. WE HAVEN'T MET.
I'M, UH... I'M, UH...
YOU'RE KIMMY GIBBLER.
HOW DID SHE MAKE IT ALL
THE WAY TO FIFTH GRADE?
JESSE, JOEY, WHERE ARE YOU?
HEY, STEVE-O!
HEY, COUSIN STEVE!
WAIT, LET ME GUESS.
UNCLE DANNY HAS TOLD
ME ALL ABOUT YOU GUYS.
NOW, YOU'VE GOT TO BE JESSE,
THE GREAT-LOOKIN'
ROCK 'N' ROLLER
WHO GETS ALL THE GIRLS
AND SPENDS HOURS ON HIS HAIR.
AND YOU MUST BE JOEY,
THE GUY WITH ALL
THE FUNNY VOICES.
STEVE, THAT'S JOEY
AND THIS IS JESSE.
[IMITATING BULLWINKLE]
BUT THANKS ANYWAY.
HERE'S SOMEONE ELSE
YOU HAVEN'T MET YET.
SAY HELLO TO YOUR
NEW COUSIN MICHELLE.
OH, HI. HI, SPORT.
COOCHIE-COOCHIE-COO.
COOCHIE-COO. HELLO.
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
DON'T YOU SPEAK BABY?
STEVE, I'VE GOT OUR WHOLE
WEEKEND PLANNED OUT.
THIS AFTERNOON WE
GO ICE SKATING, OK?
WELL, NO.
I KIND OF FELT LIKE
PLAYING SOME BASKETBALL.
ALL RIGHT, B-BALL!
ALL RIGHT, COME ON.
LET'S SHOOT SOME HOOPS!
I'M PSYCHED!
LET ME GO GET MY SWEATS ON.
OH, D.J., WAIT.
SOMEBODY'S GOT TO STAY HERE
WITH MICHELLE AND STEPHANIE.
WOULD YOU MIND?
ALL RIGHT.
THANKS. WE'LL BE
BACK IN AN HOUR.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO. LET'S GO.
LET'S PASS THE BALL.
LET'S PASS THE BALL.
JESSE, I'M OPEN.
EH, DANNY.
DANNY, RIGHT HERE. I'M OPEN.
THINK FAST, STEVE.
STEVE, DROP PASS. I'M OPEN.
JESSE.
ALL RIGHT, JESSE.
RIGHT HERE. I'M OPEN.
ALL RIGHT, JOEY.
RIGHT HERE, JOEY.
JOEY. RIGHT HERE.
RIGHT HERE...
JOEY... JOEY... GOT
ANOTHER BALL?
LET'S GO.
THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT.
STEVE AND I WILL
EAT LUNCH TOGETHER.
THEN I'LL SHOW HIM
THESE PICTURES OF US
FROM THANKSGIVING 2 YEARS AGO
HOW LONG IS STEVE
GONNA BE STAYING
AT YOUR HOUSE?
UH, THREE OR FOUR DAYS.
ME, TOO.
OK, WE GOT BOLOGNA,
SALAMI, AND CHEESE,
PEANUT BUTTER, AND GRAPE JELLY.
SOUNDS GOOD.
I JUST HOPE YOU DIDN'T PUT
THEM ALL INTO ONE SANDWICH.
HERE, LOOK AT THIS ONE.
HOW NEAT.
AND THAT ONE.
HI, STEVIE!
HI, GUYS. WE MADE LUNCH.
LUNCH! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD!
FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD!
FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD!
HEY, LAKER-CELTICS GAME'S ON.
ALL RIGHT! SOME MORE B-BALL!
B-BALL, B-BALL, B-BALL,
B-BALL, B-BALL, B-BALL.
GIRLS, WATCH THE GAME WITH US.
ANIMALS.
GLAD I SAVED THIS.
COME ON! GO!
YES.
YES.
YES.
YES.
YES.
I REALLY THINK THE LAKERS CAN
REPEAT AS WORLD CHAMPIONS.
IF THEY DO, THEY'D
BE THE FIRST TEAM
SINCE BOSTON IN '69-'70.
HEY, STEVE, YOU LIKE MY JEANS?
THEY'RE BRAND-NEW.
OH, YEAH, GREAT.
I THINK THE LAKERS
HAVE THE BEST RECORD
SINCE PORTLAND BACK IN '78.
SURE. THEY GOT EVERYTHING.
THEY GOT THE SPEED,
THE POWER, THE DEPTH,
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY,
THE LAKER GIRLS.
YES.
YES.
YES. YES.
YES!
WHAT AN AWESOME THING...
THAT JUST HAPPENED.
YOU DON'T HAVE A
CLUE, EITHER, DO YOU?
DOES ANYBODY ELSE
WANT ANOTHER PICKLE?
WE'RE OUT OF PICKLES.
I'LL GET YOU SOME.
IF THERE ARE NO
PICKLES AT MY HOUSE,
I'LL TAKE A CAB TO THE MARKET.
BYE, STEVIE.
OK, SEE YOU LATER, KAMMY.
THAT'S KIMMY.
HEY, IF IT'S KAMMY TO
HIM, IT'S KAMMY TO ME.
JESSE, I'LL BET 2 BUCKS
MAGIC STEALS THE BALL.
NO, NO. NOT THE WAY BIRD'S
BEEN PLAYING. YOU'RE ON.
MAGIC STEALS THE BALL.
NO!
YES. TWO FOUNDING
FATHERS, PLEASE.
THANK YOU.
JOEY, THAT'S INCREDIBLE.
I COME FROM A LONG
LINE OF PSYCHICS.
YOU MEAN PSYCHOS.
ALL RIGHT, GIVE ME A CHANCE
TO WIN MY MONEY BACK HERE.
OK. I'M GETTING
ANOTHER VISION HERE.
I'LL BET YOU 2 MORE BUCKS
THAT COOPER STEALS THE BALL,
PASSES OFF TO MAGIC,
WHO'LL LEAD A FAST
BREAK DOWN COURT,
END IT WITH A SLAM
DUNK BY WORTHY.
YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR
GOURD. ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE ON.
LOOK AT THIS. COOPER
STEALS THE BALL,
FAST BREAK. MAGIC
TO SCOTT TO MAGIC.
PASS TO WORTHY. SLAM DUNK!
NO WAY!
UNBELIEVABLE.
THAT'S AMAZING.
SOMETIMES I'M SO GOOD,
I ACTUALLY WIN MONEY
FROM MYSELF. THANK YOU.
BOY, JOEY, YOU DIDN'T
KNOW ALL THIS STUFF
WHEN WE WATCHED
THIS GAME THIS MORNING.
KIDS... WHAT AN IMAGINATION.
ONE FINAL WAGER... AH! I'LL BET
THAT IF YOU DON'T
GIVE MY MONEY BACK,
YOU'RE GOING TO DIE.
AND I WAS GOING
TO GIVE YOU HALF.
[BABY CRIES]
BABY ALERT. I GOTTA
GO CHECK ON MICHELLE.
YOU GUYS STAY HERE
AND WATCH THE GAME.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF THE KID.
OH, THANKS.
I'M SURE YOU CAN
TAKE CARE OF HER.
CONSIDERING YOU
HAVE NO EXPERIENCE
WITH AN INFANT WHATSOEVER.
NO PROBLEM.
HELP HIM.
YOUR NEPHEW STEVE'S A GREAT KID.
THANKS FOR BEING SO NICE TO HIM.
EVER SINCE HIS DAD MOVED OUT,
HE HASN'T HAD MUCH
OF THIS GUY STUFF.
YUP. US GUYS GOT
TO STICK TOGETHER.
BITE.
WHAT'S THE MATTER, MICHELLE?
ARE YOU HUNGRY?
SLEEPY? GRUMPY? BASHFUL? DOPEY?
SNEEZY? DOC?
HAVING FUN?
OH, YEAH. I ALWAYS
HAVE FUN HERE.
YOUR DAD IS GREAT.
I'M REAL GLAD YOU'RE BACK.
HEY, IS THE LITTLE KID OK?
I THINK SHE NEEDS A CHANGING.
UH, NO, THANK YOU. BE MY GUEST.
OH, NO. YOU'LL BE FINE.
I JUST THINK YOU NEED
A DRY RUN AT THIS.
I THINK WE'RE A LITTLE
TOO LATE FOR THAT.
NO. I MEAN, PRACTICE
ON THE MONKEY.
OH, RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
OK, PUT THE DIAPER ON.
OK.
STEVE, WANT TO GO
ICE SKATING TOMORROW?
I CAN'T. YOUR DAD'S TAKING
ME TO A WARRIORS GAME.
OK.
WELL, WE CAN GO TOMORROW.
AND SINCE WE'LL BE
RIGHT THERE AT THE MALL,
WE CAN GO TO A
MOVIE AND EAT PIZZA,
AND MY FRIEND JENNIFER'S
HAVING A BOY-GIRL PARTY.
I'M GONNA BE PRETTY BUSY
THE WHOLE TIME I'M HERE,
I GOTTA LOOK AT SOME COLLEGES,
AND BESIDES, I'M A LITTLE TOO
OLD FOR THAT KIND OF STUFF.
OH.
OK, SO I TAPE
RIGHT, TAPE LEFT...
ALL RIGHT, THIS
MONKEY'S READY TO PARTY.
HI, MICHELLE.
HOW'S EVERYTHING GOING, STEVE?
I THINK THIS SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.
NICE WORK. CHEETAH LOOKS HAPPY.
COME ON, YOU'RE MISSING IT.
THE BULLETS ARE
PLAYING THE PISTONS.
ALL RIGHT! I GOTTA SEE THIS.
D.J., YOU DON'T HAVE ANY PLANS
FOR TOMORROW AFTERNOON, DO YOU?
NOT ANYMORE.
YOU DO NOW BECAUSE
WE'RE ALL GOING TO THE PARK.
HOW DOES SOME
TOUCH FOOTBALL SOUND?
OH, GREAT! YEAH!
THEN WE CAN PLAY SOME SOCCER,
SOME BASKETBALL,
VOLLEYBALL, AND TENNIS.
THEN WE'LL PLAY A ROUSING GAME
OF "LET'S RUSH UNCLE
DANNY TO THE HOSPITAL."
GREAT. COME ON.
SEE YA.
AFTER THE GAME, I'M GONNA
TAKE YOU TO THE LOCKER ROOM
AND INTRODUCE YOU
TO THE WHOLE TEAM.
REALLY? I'VE GOT TO
MEET RALPH SAMPSON.
THE MAN IS A BUILDING.
THE TEAM IS A CITY.
LET'S HAVE A LITTLE TALK HERE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF YOUR COUSIN STEVE?
I KNOW. HE'S JUST A BIG JOCK.
YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN
HIM TWO YEARS AGO,
BACK WHEN HE WAS MY FRIEND.
HE DOESN'T CARE
ABOUT ME ANYMORE.
ALL HE CARES ABOUT IS SPORTS.
GUESS YOU'RE JUST
NOTHING AROUND HERE
UNLESS YOU'RE ONE OF THE GUYS.
I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS.
TOMORROW'S MY FIRST REAL
GAME OF TOUCH FOOTBALL.
AND I DON'T WANT TO LOOK STUPID.
STOP. YOU LOOK STUPID ALREADY.
WHAT'D I DO?
D.J., YOU DON'T
CALL IT FOOTBALL.
YOU CALL IT, FOOTBALL!
FOOTBALL! YES!
THAT'S IT. ALL RIGHT, YOU
GOT LESSON NUMBER ONE.
NOW, LESSON NUMBER 2,
THE EVER POPULAR PSYCH OUT.
NO WORDS. JUST SHEER INTENSITY.
OBSERVE.
WELL, IT'S SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S
SHOW HER A PLAY.
ALL RIGHT, WATCH THIS.
DO DOWN-AND-OUT,
FAKE TO THE FLAG,
BUTTONHOOK BACK,
AND I'LL HIT YOU, OK?
GOT IT. HERE WE GO.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.
YOU READY? HUT! HUT! HUT! GO!
AAH! ALL RIGHT.
GRRR! GO, JOEY!
ALL RIGHT. WATCH THIS.
I'M READING THE DEFENSE, RIGHT?
I'M CHECKING THE PASS RUSH.
I'M CHECKING MY RECEIVERS.
I'M STILL CHECKING MY RECEIVERS.
I'M CHECKING MY WATCH.
JOEY! WHERE ARE YOU?
SORRY. I JUST STOPPED OFF
FOR A QUICK BITE
IN THE SECONDARY.
HIT ME, I'M OPEN!
ARRR! TOUCHDOWN!
SPIKE IT!
THE FOOTBALL!
YEAH!
NOW THIS IS FUN.
HOW DO YOU GUYS KNOW ALL THIS?
WELL, 'CAUSE WE'RE GUYS.
YOU SEE, IT'S IN OUR BLOOD.
GUYS ARE JUST BORN
KNOWING HOW TO PLAY...
FOOTBALL! FOOTBALL!
ALL RIGHT, HUH! HUH! HUH!
HALF THAT MONEY'S MINE, KID.
WANT ANOTHER ONE
OF MY SANDWICHES?
NO, THANKS. THREE'S ENOUGH.
SPEAKING OF BASKETBALL,
DID YOU KNOW THAT
WILT CHAMBERLAIN
SCORED THE MOST POINTS
EVER IN AN NBA GAME?
AND MOSES MALONE
JOINED THE LEAGUE
RIGHT OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL.
AND IF THE BULLS
EVER BUILT THEIR TEAM
AROUND MICHAEL JORDAN,
THEY'D BE UNSTOPPABLE.
ENOUGH TALK.
LET'S PLAY FOOTBALL!
ALL RIGHT!
ALL RIGHT, WE'LL PICK TEAMS.
I'LL BE A CAPTAIN,
BECAUSE IT'S MY FOOTBALL.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL BE A CAPTAIN.
BECAUSE YOUR HAIR
LOOKS LIKE A HELMET.
WAY TO GO, FOOTBALL!
YES. WATCH MICHELLE.
THERE YOU GO.
LET'S GO. LET'S PICK.
OK, THE FIRST PERSON
I'M GOING TO PICK...
MY MAN, STEVE.
YEAH, ALL RIGHT, UNCLE DANNY.
ALL RIGHT, LET ME SEE,
THE FIRST PERSON
I'M GONNA PICK IS...
MY MAN D.J.
YEAH!
I WANT YOU! I WANT YOU!
LET ME SEE.
IF I'M NOT ON
STEVE'S TEAM, I'LL DIE.
KIMMY.
WAY TO GO, BIG STEVIE.
OK, HERE WE GO.
LET'S SEE, I'LL PICK...
I NEED SOMEONE WITH GOOD HANDS.
I'LL PICK MY MAN... MICHELLE.
COME ON, MICHELLE.
HIGH FIVE. HIGH FIVE.
CAN YOU BELIEVE HE
PICKED MICHELLE OVER ME?
STEPH, PLEASE. I HAVE
MY OWN PROBLEMS.
OK, STEPH. YOU
CAN BE ON OUR TEAM.
WHAT?
LOW FIVE. WHOO!
SOMEBODY PLEASE PICK ME
BEFORE A STRAY DOG SHOWS UP.
OK, WE'LL TAKE JOEY,
BUT YOU GUYS GOT TO
SPOT US A TOUCHDOWN.
IT'S ONLY FAIR.
ENOUGH MESSING AROUND.
LET'S PLAY FOOTBALL!
FOOTBALL! FOOTBALL!
ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
REMEMBER, THE END ZONES
ARE THAT BENCH AND
THIS TREE RIGHT HERE.
OK, LET'S GO, JOEY. LET'S
GET THIS GAME UNDERWAY.
HERE WE GO. HERE WE GO.
OK.
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
GIBBLER, YOU'RE DEAD MEAT.
ALL RIGHT. AND HUT! HUT! HUT!
HERE WE GO. D.J., D.J.!
YES!
WHOO! TOUCHDOWN!
YEAH! WHOO!
HOOO... HUH! HUH! HUH! HUH! HUH!
IN YOUR FACE! IN YOUR FACE!
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, BIG GUY.
YOU KNOW, I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
TOLD YOU YOU WERE
DEAD MEAT, GIBBLER.
STEVE, AREN'T WE
HAVING THE BEST TIME?
YEAH.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT, CHUMP!
NOTHING, FOOL!
LET'S GET 'EM, STEVIE.
DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.
OK, STEPH. HERE WE GO.
ON 3.
HUT! HUT! HUT! ALL RIGHT.
OHH! GOT HER! WE ALMOST FELL
FOR THE OLD STATUE
OF STEPHANIE TRICK.
ALL RIGHT, YOU GIRLS
HAVE HAD YOUR FUN.
IT'S TIME FOR US GUYS TO
PLAY SOME REAL FOOTBALL.
ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT!
HEY! JUST BECAUSE WE'RE GIRLS
DOESN'T MEAN WE CAN'T PLAY.
LET'S PUT THE BALL DOWN
AND SEE WHAT YOU
GUYS ARE MADE OF.
OOH. OOH.
OK, STEPH. LET'S GO.
ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
READY, SWEETIE?
LAST PLAY.
OK, ON 2. HUT! HUT!
I LIKE 3 BETTER.
OH, SORRY.
YOU'RE RIGHT. MY MISTAKE.
OK, ON 3.
HUT! HUT! HUT!
YES. COME ON, STEPH.
STEVE, GO LONG.
OH, NO!
YEAH!
D.J., WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
PLAYING FOOTBALL, MAN.
THIS IS TOUCH FOOTBALL.
WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
I GOT NO PROBLEM.
YOU GOT A PROBLEM?
YEAH, THAT WAS A
PASS INTERFERENCE.
AUTOMATIC FIRST DOWN.
NO WAY, YOU WIMP!
D.J., STEVE'S RIGHT. YOU
WERE WAY OUT OF LINE.
WE'RE NOT PLAYING TACKLE HERE.
OH, SURE, TAKE STEVE'S SIDE.
YOU GUYS ARE SUCH BUDDIES.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST ADOPT HIM?
THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT, ISN'T IT?
GREAT. NOW I'M GONNA START
CRYING LIKE A LITTLE GIRL.
D.J.
HALF TIME.
HALF TIME.
SHAKE IT OFF, BIG FELLA.
D.J., WHAT'S WITH THE "WHY
DON'T YOU ADOPT HIM" STUFF?
COME ON, DAD. IT'S
PRETTY OBVIOUS.
YOU'RE TAKING
STEVE TO BALL GAMES,
HAVING FUN, HIGH FIVES
ALL OVER THE PLACE.
YOU KNOW STEVE'S DAD
MOVED OUT LAST YEAR.
STEVE NEEDS ME RIGHT NOW.
IT'S REAL IMPORTANT
FOR HIM TO...
I KNOW. HANG OUT WITH THE GUYS.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
NOTHING, UNLESS YOU'RE A GIRL.
DAD, I WANT TO SPEND
TIME WITH HIM, TOO.
WE USED TO BE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S HAPPENED.
STEVE'S GROWN UP A LOT
IN THE PAST TWO YEARS.
HE'S BECOMING A YOUNG MAN.
D.J.,
I KNOW YOU'RE HAVING
A HARD TIME WITH THIS,
BUT THAT'S NO REASON
TO CLEAN HIS CLOCK.
FINE, DAD.
I'LL TAKE MICHELLE
AND STEPHANIE,
AND WE'LL GO PLAY
"DUCK-DUCK-GOOSE."
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
WHO IS IT?
IT'S STEVE. CAN I COME IN?
UH, YEAH, I GUESS.
YOU SURE IT'S SAFE?
YEAH.
THANKS, I, UH...
DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE
THE WRONG MOVE
AND GET CREAMED AGAIN.
WELL, YOU KNOW, I'VE
BEEN HERE TWO DAYS,
AND THIS IS FIRST TIME I'VE
EVER BEEN UP TO YOUR ROOM.
YOU'RE A BUSY GUY.
YEAH, WELL, MY SCHEDULE
KINDA OPENED UP,
AND I WAS HOPING THAT
MAYBE I COULD TALK TO YOU.
TO ME? YOU WANT TO
TALK TO LITTLE OLD ME?
YEAH. LOOK, D.J.,
I WAS WONDERING WHY
YOU CLOBBERED ME.
'CAUSE I FELT LIKE IT.
WELL, WHY DID YOU FEEL LIKE IT?
'CAUSE I DID.
WELL, WHY DID YOU?
BECAUSE I WAS MAD AT YOU.
I WAS REALLY LOOKING
FORWARD TO YOU VISITING,
AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN
WANT TO GO ICE SKATING.
I THOUGHT WE COULD DO
STUFF LIKE WE DID LAST TIME.
I MISS THE OLD STEVE.
D.J., I'M STILL THE SAME STEVE.
NO, YOU'RE NOT. THE OLD STEVE
WOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN THIS LONG
TO COME UP TO MY ROOM.
D.J., I'M SORRY.
I WASN'T THINKING.
LOOK, BUT I'M HERE NOW.
D.J., I'M STILL YOUR COUSIN,
AND I STILL LOVE YOU.
SO DON'T YOU THINK WE CAN
TRY AND BE FRIENDS AGAIN?
YOU SEEM SO MUCH
OLDER THAN ME NOW.
I KNOW, IT MAY SEEM LIKE
A BIG DIFFERENCE NOW
BECAUSE I'M 17 AND YOU'RE 11.
BUT, YOU KNOW, WHEN
I'M 100 AND YOU'RE 94,
YOU'LL PROBABLY HARDLY
EVEN NOTICE THE DIFFERENCE.
SO...
SO...
SO, YOU WANT TO START ALL OVER?
GREAT IDEA. ALL RIGHT,
I'LL GO OUTSIDE AND
COME RIGHT BACK IN.
OK.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
♪ DA-DA-TA-DA ♪♪
GREETINGS FROM BALTIMORE.
HI, STEVE. WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR BRACES,
GLASSES, AND ZITS?
OH, UM... ALL GONE.
ISN'T NATURE GREAT?
HEY, I GOT A GREAT IDEA.
WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE GO ICE SKATING?
NAW, THAT'S FOR LITTLE KIDS.
BUT IF YOU REALLY
WANT TO GO... YEAH.
CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
♪ AH, AH, AH, AH ♪♪
♪ AH ♪
♪ WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO PREDICTABILITY ♪
♪ THE MILKMAN, THE
PAPER BOY, EVENIN' TV? ♪
♪ HOW DID I GET
DELIVERED HERE? ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE ♪
♪ THIS OLD WORLD'S
CONFUSIN' ME ♪
♪ CLOUDS AS MEAN
AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN ♪
♪ AIN'T A BIRD WHO
KNOWS YOUR TUNE ♪
♪ THEN A LITTLE VOICE
INSIDE YOU WHISPERS ♪
♪ KID, DON'T SELL YOUR
DREAMS SO SOON ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ THERE'S A HEART ♪
♪ THERE'S A HEART ♪
♪ A HAND TO HOLD ONTO ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ THERE'S A FACE ♪
♪ OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE ♪
♪ AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE ♪
♪ A LIGHT IS WAITING
TO CARRY YOU HOME ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ DEE-DE-DE ♪
♪ SHOOBY-DOO BOP BA-DAH ♪♪
CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
OK, MICHELLE...
WELL, YOUR GRANDMA'S
GONNA MAKE YOU AN OUTFIT,
AND WE HAVE TO GET
YOUR MEASUREMENTS, OK?
ALL RIGHT, HOLD
HER ARMS UP, JOEY.
OK. REACH FOR THE SKY, MICHELLE.
BRR-RRR-RRR...
I'M SORRY. I COULDN'T RESIST
THOSE CUTE LITTLE PITS OF YOURS.
ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
FIRST, WE START
OFF WITH THE CHEST.
OK.
AND IT IS... 18 INCHES.
18.
OK, NOW WE GO TO HER TUMMY,
WHICH IS... 18 INCHES.
18 INCHES? MICHELLE,
YOU LITTLE BUTTERBALL.
AND SHE'S SELF-BASTING.
YOUNG LADY, YOU BETTER HOPE
GRANDMA'S NOT KNITTING ANYTHING
WITH HORIZONTAL STRIPES.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S
GET HER HIPS HERE.
OK.
HERE WE GO. AND... 18.
18-18-18.
EXACT SAME MEASUREMENTS
AS HER FATHER.
ALL RIGHT, STAND HER UP.
I GOTTA GET HER INSEAM.
OK. COME ON. STAND HER UP.
COME ON, HERE WE GO.
STAND UP, MICHELLE. COME ON.
DO SOMETHING FUN.
MAKE THIS FUN FOR HER.
OK. OK. DO SOME VOICES.
WHAT DOES A MOO COW SAY?
A MOO COW SAYS MOO.
MOO.
MOO. MOO.
MOO. MOO.
MOO. MOO-MOO-MOO-MOO.
AND YOUR DAD LETS THESE
PEOPLE TAKE CARE OF YOU?
IT'S HARD TO FIND GOOD HELP.
MOO. MOO.
SAY MOO.
WANNA COME TO THE
CHURCH BAKE SALE?
I CAN'T. I'M WAITING
FOR MY COUSIN STEVE.
I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN 2 YEARS.
D.J., YOU GOTTA COME.
THIS YEAR I MADE THE THREE
WISE MEN OUT OF STRUDEL.
KIMMY, STEVE IS
LIKE MY BIG BROTHER.
WE GO ICE SKATING.
WE MESS AROUND.
WE HAVE SO MUCH FUN.
IT'S LIKE WE'RE
NOT EVEN RELATED.
WHAT'S HE LOOK LIKE?
WELL, LOOKS AREN'T EVERYTHING.
A REAL GEEKBURGER, HUH?
WELL, HE DOES HAVE GLASSES
AND BRACES AND ZITS,
BUT OTHER THAN
THAT, HE'S REALLY CUTE.
GEEKBURGER WITH CHEESE.
♪ DA-DA DA-DAH ♪
♪ DA-DA DA-DAH ♪♪
HEY, STEVE, "DA-DA
DA-DAH" MEANS GET IN HERE.
SORRY, THAT WAS MY
FIRST DA-DA DA-DAH.
GREETINGS FROM BALTIMORE.
STEVE?
D.J., HOW YOU DOING, SPORT?
HI, STEVE.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR GLASSES?
OH, I GOT CONTACTS.
YOUR BRACES?
GOT 'EM OFF.
YOUR FACE FULL OF ZITS?
THEY CLEARED UP.
YEAH. ONE NIGHT I WENT
TO BED LOOKING LIKE A NERD
AND WOKE UP LOOKING LIKE THIS.
ISN'T NATURE GREAT?
THE BEST.
KIMMY, DO YOU REALIZE
YOU JUST SLAMMED
THE DOOR ON MY FACE?
WHAT DOOR?
HERE, LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT.
GREAT. YOU'LL BE STAYING
IN OUR BEAUTIFUL,
SPACIOUS ALCOVE.
ALL RIGHT!
D.J., CAN YOU BELIEVE
YOUR LITTLE COUSIN
IS BEING OFFERED
A BASEBALL SCHOLARSHIP
FROM STANFORD?
I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOU.
I CAN'T GET OVER
HOW YOU'VE SHOT UP.
YEAH, WELL, I GIVE THE CREDIT
TO GOOD FOOD,
PLENTY OF EXERCISE,
AND ALL THAT SLEEP
I GOT DURING CLASS.
HE'S FUNNY, TOO.
I'M SORRY. WE HAVEN'T MET.
I'M, UH... I'M, UH...
YOU'RE KIMMY GIBBLER.
HOW DID SHE MAKE IT ALL
THE WAY TO FIFTH GRADE?
JESSE, JOEY, WHERE ARE YOU?
HEY, STEVE-O!
HEY, COUSIN STEVE!
WAIT, LET ME GUESS.
UNCLE DANNY HAS TOLD
ME ALL ABOUT YOU GUYS.
NOW, YOU'VE GOT TO BE JESSE,
THE GREAT-LOOKIN'
ROCK 'N' ROLLER
WHO GETS ALL THE GIRLS
AND SPENDS HOURS ON HIS HAIR.
AND YOU MUST BE JOEY,
THE GUY WITH ALL
THE FUNNY VOICES.
STEVE, THAT'S JOEY
AND THIS IS JESSE.
[IMITATING BULLWINKLE]
BUT THANKS ANYWAY.
HERE'S SOMEONE ELSE
YOU HAVEN'T MET YET.
SAY HELLO TO YOUR
NEW COUSIN MICHELLE.
OH, HI. HI, SPORT.
COOCHIE-COOCHIE-COO.
COOCHIE-COO. HELLO.
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
DON'T YOU SPEAK BABY?
STEVE, I'VE GOT OUR WHOLE
WEEKEND PLANNED OUT.
THIS AFTERNOON WE
GO ICE SKATING, OK?
WELL, NO.
I KIND OF FELT LIKE
PLAYING SOME BASKETBALL.
ALL RIGHT, B-BALL!
ALL RIGHT, COME ON.
LET'S SHOOT SOME HOOPS!
I'M PSYCHED!
LET ME GO GET MY SWEATS ON.
OH, D.J., WAIT.
SOMEBODY'S GOT TO STAY HERE
WITH MICHELLE AND STEPHANIE.
WOULD YOU MIND?
ALL RIGHT.
THANKS. WE'LL BE
BACK IN AN HOUR.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO. LET'S GO.
LET'S PASS THE BALL.
LET'S PASS THE BALL.
JESSE, I'M OPEN.
EH, DANNY.
DANNY, RIGHT HERE. I'M OPEN.
THINK FAST, STEVE.
STEVE, DROP PASS. I'M OPEN.
JESSE.
ALL RIGHT, JESSE.
RIGHT HERE. I'M OPEN.
ALL RIGHT, JOEY.
RIGHT HERE, JOEY.
JOEY. RIGHT HERE.
RIGHT HERE...
JOEY... JOEY... GOT
ANOTHER BALL?
LET'S GO.
THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT.
STEVE AND I WILL
EAT LUNCH TOGETHER.
THEN I'LL SHOW HIM
THESE PICTURES OF US
FROM THANKSGIVING 2 YEARS AGO
HOW LONG IS STEVE
GONNA BE STAYING
AT YOUR HOUSE?
UH, THREE OR FOUR DAYS.
ME, TOO.
OK, WE GOT BOLOGNA,
SALAMI, AND CHEESE,
PEANUT BUTTER, AND GRAPE JELLY.
SOUNDS GOOD.
I JUST HOPE YOU DIDN'T PUT
THEM ALL INTO ONE SANDWICH.
HERE, LOOK AT THIS ONE.
HOW NEAT.
AND THAT ONE.
HI, STEVIE!
HI, GUYS. WE MADE LUNCH.
LUNCH! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD!
FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD!
FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD!
HEY, LAKER-CELTICS GAME'S ON.
ALL RIGHT! SOME MORE B-BALL!
B-BALL, B-BALL, B-BALL,
B-BALL, B-BALL, B-BALL.
GIRLS, WATCH THE GAME WITH US.
ANIMALS.
GLAD I SAVED THIS.
COME ON! GO!
YES.
YES.
YES.
YES.
YES.
I REALLY THINK THE LAKERS CAN
REPEAT AS WORLD CHAMPIONS.
IF THEY DO, THEY'D
BE THE FIRST TEAM
SINCE BOSTON IN '69-'70.
HEY, STEVE, YOU LIKE MY JEANS?
THEY'RE BRAND-NEW.
OH, YEAH, GREAT.
I THINK THE LAKERS
HAVE THE BEST RECORD
SINCE PORTLAND BACK IN '78.
SURE. THEY GOT EVERYTHING.
THEY GOT THE SPEED,
THE POWER, THE DEPTH,
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY,
THE LAKER GIRLS.
YES.
YES.
YES. YES.
YES!
WHAT AN AWESOME THING...
THAT JUST HAPPENED.
YOU DON'T HAVE A
CLUE, EITHER, DO YOU?
DOES ANYBODY ELSE
WANT ANOTHER PICKLE?
WE'RE OUT OF PICKLES.
I'LL GET YOU SOME.
IF THERE ARE NO
PICKLES AT MY HOUSE,
I'LL TAKE A CAB TO THE MARKET.
BYE, STEVIE.
OK, SEE YOU LATER, KAMMY.
THAT'S KIMMY.
HEY, IF IT'S KAMMY TO
HIM, IT'S KAMMY TO ME.
JESSE, I'LL BET 2 BUCKS
MAGIC STEALS THE BALL.
NO, NO. NOT THE WAY BIRD'S
BEEN PLAYING. YOU'RE ON.
MAGIC STEALS THE BALL.
NO!
YES. TWO FOUNDING
FATHERS, PLEASE.
THANK YOU.
JOEY, THAT'S INCREDIBLE.
I COME FROM A LONG
LINE OF PSYCHICS.
YOU MEAN PSYCHOS.
ALL RIGHT, GIVE ME A CHANCE
TO WIN MY MONEY BACK HERE.
OK. I'M GETTING
ANOTHER VISION HERE.
I'LL BET YOU 2 MORE BUCKS
THAT COOPER STEALS THE BALL,
PASSES OFF TO MAGIC,
WHO'LL LEAD A FAST
BREAK DOWN COURT,
END IT WITH A SLAM
DUNK BY WORTHY.
YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR
GOURD. ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE ON.
LOOK AT THIS. COOPER
STEALS THE BALL,
FAST BREAK. MAGIC
TO SCOTT TO MAGIC.
PASS TO WORTHY. SLAM DUNK!
NO WAY!
UNBELIEVABLE.
THAT'S AMAZING.
SOMETIMES I'M SO GOOD,
I ACTUALLY WIN MONEY
FROM MYSELF. THANK YOU.
BOY, JOEY, YOU DIDN'T
KNOW ALL THIS STUFF
WHEN WE WATCHED
THIS GAME THIS MORNING.
KIDS... WHAT AN IMAGINATION.
ONE FINAL WAGER... AH! I'LL BET
THAT IF YOU DON'T
GIVE MY MONEY BACK,
YOU'RE GOING TO DIE.
AND I WAS GOING
TO GIVE YOU HALF.
[BABY CRIES]
BABY ALERT. I GOTTA
GO CHECK ON MICHELLE.
YOU GUYS STAY HERE
AND WATCH THE GAME.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF THE KID.
OH, THANKS.
I'M SURE YOU CAN
TAKE CARE OF HER.
CONSIDERING YOU
HAVE NO EXPERIENCE
WITH AN INFANT WHATSOEVER.
NO PROBLEM.
HELP HIM.
YOUR NEPHEW STEVE'S A GREAT KID.
THANKS FOR BEING SO NICE TO HIM.
EVER SINCE HIS DAD MOVED OUT,
HE HASN'T HAD MUCH
OF THIS GUY STUFF.
YUP. US GUYS GOT
TO STICK TOGETHER.
BITE.
WHAT'S THE MATTER, MICHELLE?
ARE YOU HUNGRY?
SLEEPY? GRUMPY? BASHFUL? DOPEY?
SNEEZY? DOC?
HAVING FUN?
OH, YEAH. I ALWAYS
HAVE FUN HERE.
YOUR DAD IS GREAT.
I'M REAL GLAD YOU'RE BACK.
HEY, IS THE LITTLE KID OK?
I THINK SHE NEEDS A CHANGING.
UH, NO, THANK YOU. BE MY GUEST.
OH, NO. YOU'LL BE FINE.
I JUST THINK YOU NEED
A DRY RUN AT THIS.
I THINK WE'RE A LITTLE
TOO LATE FOR THAT.
NO. I MEAN, PRACTICE
ON THE MONKEY.
OH, RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
OK, PUT THE DIAPER ON.
OK.
STEVE, WANT TO GO
ICE SKATING TOMORROW?
I CAN'T. YOUR DAD'S TAKING
ME TO A WARRIORS GAME.
OK.
WELL, WE CAN GO TOMORROW.
AND SINCE WE'LL BE
RIGHT THERE AT THE MALL,
WE CAN GO TO A
MOVIE AND EAT PIZZA,
AND MY FRIEND JENNIFER'S
HAVING A BOY-GIRL PARTY.
I'M GONNA BE PRETTY BUSY
THE WHOLE TIME I'M HERE,
I GOTTA LOOK AT SOME COLLEGES,
AND BESIDES, I'M A LITTLE TOO
OLD FOR THAT KIND OF STUFF.
OH.
OK, SO I TAPE
RIGHT, TAPE LEFT...
ALL RIGHT, THIS
MONKEY'S READY TO PARTY.
HI, MICHELLE.
HOW'S EVERYTHING GOING, STEVE?
I THINK THIS SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.
NICE WORK. CHEETAH LOOKS HAPPY.
COME ON, YOU'RE MISSING IT.
THE BULLETS ARE
PLAYING THE PISTONS.
ALL RIGHT! I GOTTA SEE THIS.
D.J., YOU DON'T HAVE ANY PLANS
FOR TOMORROW AFTERNOON, DO YOU?
NOT ANYMORE.
YOU DO NOW BECAUSE
WE'RE ALL GOING TO THE PARK.
HOW DOES SOME
TOUCH FOOTBALL SOUND?
OH, GREAT! YEAH!
THEN WE CAN PLAY SOME SOCCER,
SOME BASKETBALL,
VOLLEYBALL, AND TENNIS.
THEN WE'LL PLAY A ROUSING GAME
OF "LET'S RUSH UNCLE
DANNY TO THE HOSPITAL."
GREAT. COME ON.
SEE YA.
AFTER THE GAME, I'M GONNA
TAKE YOU TO THE LOCKER ROOM
AND INTRODUCE YOU
TO THE WHOLE TEAM.
REALLY? I'VE GOT TO
MEET RALPH SAMPSON.
THE MAN IS A BUILDING.
THE TEAM IS A CITY.
LET'S HAVE A LITTLE TALK HERE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF YOUR COUSIN STEVE?
I KNOW. HE'S JUST A BIG JOCK.
YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN
HIM TWO YEARS AGO,
BACK WHEN HE WAS MY FRIEND.
HE DOESN'T CARE
ABOUT ME ANYMORE.
ALL HE CARES ABOUT IS SPORTS.
GUESS YOU'RE JUST
NOTHING AROUND HERE
UNLESS YOU'RE ONE OF THE GUYS.
I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS.
TOMORROW'S MY FIRST REAL
GAME OF TOUCH FOOTBALL.
AND I DON'T WANT TO LOOK STUPID.
STOP. YOU LOOK STUPID ALREADY.
WHAT'D I DO?
D.J., YOU DON'T
CALL IT FOOTBALL.
YOU CALL IT, FOOTBALL!
FOOTBALL! YES!
THAT'S IT. ALL RIGHT, YOU
GOT LESSON NUMBER ONE.
NOW, LESSON NUMBER 2,
THE EVER POPULAR PSYCH OUT.
NO WORDS. JUST SHEER INTENSITY.
OBSERVE.
WELL, IT'S SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S
SHOW HER A PLAY.
ALL RIGHT, WATCH THIS.
DO DOWN-AND-OUT,
FAKE TO THE FLAG,
BUTTONHOOK BACK,
AND I'LL HIT YOU, OK?
GOT IT. HERE WE GO.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.
YOU READY? HUT! HUT! HUT! GO!
AAH! ALL RIGHT.
GRRR! GO, JOEY!
ALL RIGHT. WATCH THIS.
I'M READING THE DEFENSE, RIGHT?
I'M CHECKING THE PASS RUSH.
I'M CHECKING MY RECEIVERS.
I'M STILL CHECKING MY RECEIVERS.
I'M CHECKING MY WATCH.
JOEY! WHERE ARE YOU?
SORRY. I JUST STOPPED OFF
FOR A QUICK BITE
IN THE SECONDARY.
HIT ME, I'M OPEN!
ARRR! TOUCHDOWN!
SPIKE IT!
THE FOOTBALL!
YEAH!
NOW THIS IS FUN.
HOW DO YOU GUYS KNOW ALL THIS?
WELL, 'CAUSE WE'RE GUYS.
YOU SEE, IT'S IN OUR BLOOD.
GUYS ARE JUST BORN
KNOWING HOW TO PLAY...
FOOTBALL! FOOTBALL!
ALL RIGHT, HUH! HUH! HUH!
HALF THAT MONEY'S MINE, KID.
WANT ANOTHER ONE
OF MY SANDWICHES?
NO, THANKS. THREE'S ENOUGH.
SPEAKING OF BASKETBALL,
DID YOU KNOW THAT
WILT CHAMBERLAIN
SCORED THE MOST POINTS
EVER IN AN NBA GAME?
AND MOSES MALONE
JOINED THE LEAGUE
RIGHT OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL.
AND IF THE BULLS
EVER BUILT THEIR TEAM
AROUND MICHAEL JORDAN,
THEY'D BE UNSTOPPABLE.
ENOUGH TALK.
LET'S PLAY FOOTBALL!
ALL RIGHT!
ALL RIGHT, WE'LL PICK TEAMS.
I'LL BE A CAPTAIN,
BECAUSE IT'S MY FOOTBALL.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL BE A CAPTAIN.
BECAUSE YOUR HAIR
LOOKS LIKE A HELMET.
WAY TO GO, FOOTBALL!
YES. WATCH MICHELLE.
THERE YOU GO.
LET'S GO. LET'S PICK.
OK, THE FIRST PERSON
I'M GOING TO PICK...
MY MAN, STEVE.
YEAH, ALL RIGHT, UNCLE DANNY.
ALL RIGHT, LET ME SEE,
THE FIRST PERSON
I'M GONNA PICK IS...
MY MAN D.J.
YEAH!
I WANT YOU! I WANT YOU!
LET ME SEE.
IF I'M NOT ON
STEVE'S TEAM, I'LL DIE.
KIMMY.
WAY TO GO, BIG STEVIE.
OK, HERE WE GO.
LET'S SEE, I'LL PICK...
I NEED SOMEONE WITH GOOD HANDS.
I'LL PICK MY MAN... MICHELLE.
COME ON, MICHELLE.
HIGH FIVE. HIGH FIVE.
CAN YOU BELIEVE HE
PICKED MICHELLE OVER ME?
STEPH, PLEASE. I HAVE
MY OWN PROBLEMS.
OK, STEPH. YOU
CAN BE ON OUR TEAM.
WHAT?
LOW FIVE. WHOO!
SOMEBODY PLEASE PICK ME
BEFORE A STRAY DOG SHOWS UP.
OK, WE'LL TAKE JOEY,
BUT YOU GUYS GOT TO
SPOT US A TOUCHDOWN.
IT'S ONLY FAIR.
ENOUGH MESSING AROUND.
LET'S PLAY FOOTBALL!
FOOTBALL! FOOTBALL!
ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
REMEMBER, THE END ZONES
ARE THAT BENCH AND
THIS TREE RIGHT HERE.
OK, LET'S GO, JOEY. LET'S
GET THIS GAME UNDERWAY.
HERE WE GO. HERE WE GO.
OK.
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
GIBBLER, YOU'RE DEAD MEAT.
ALL RIGHT. AND HUT! HUT! HUT!
HERE WE GO. D.J., D.J.!
YES!
WHOO! TOUCHDOWN!
YEAH! WHOO!
HOOO... HUH! HUH! HUH! HUH! HUH!
IN YOUR FACE! IN YOUR FACE!
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, BIG GUY.
YOU KNOW, I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
TOLD YOU YOU WERE
DEAD MEAT, GIBBLER.
STEVE, AREN'T WE
HAVING THE BEST TIME?
YEAH.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT, CHUMP!
NOTHING, FOOL!
LET'S GET 'EM, STEVIE.
DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.
OK, STEPH. HERE WE GO.
ON 3.
HUT! HUT! HUT! ALL RIGHT.
OHH! GOT HER! WE ALMOST FELL
FOR THE OLD STATUE
OF STEPHANIE TRICK.
ALL RIGHT, YOU GIRLS
HAVE HAD YOUR FUN.
IT'S TIME FOR US GUYS TO
PLAY SOME REAL FOOTBALL.
ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT!
HEY! JUST BECAUSE WE'RE GIRLS
DOESN'T MEAN WE CAN'T PLAY.
LET'S PUT THE BALL DOWN
AND SEE WHAT YOU
GUYS ARE MADE OF.
OOH. OOH.
OK, STEPH. LET'S GO.
ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
READY, SWEETIE?
LAST PLAY.
OK, ON 2. HUT! HUT!
I LIKE 3 BETTER.
OH, SORRY.
YOU'RE RIGHT. MY MISTAKE.
OK, ON 3.
HUT! HUT! HUT!
YES. COME ON, STEPH.
STEVE, GO LONG.
OH, NO!
YEAH!
D.J., WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
PLAYING FOOTBALL, MAN.
THIS IS TOUCH FOOTBALL.
WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
I GOT NO PROBLEM.
YOU GOT A PROBLEM?
YEAH, THAT WAS A
PASS INTERFERENCE.
AUTOMATIC FIRST DOWN.
NO WAY, YOU WIMP!
D.J., STEVE'S RIGHT. YOU
WERE WAY OUT OF LINE.
WE'RE NOT PLAYING TACKLE HERE.
OH, SURE, TAKE STEVE'S SIDE.
YOU GUYS ARE SUCH BUDDIES.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST ADOPT HIM?
THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT, ISN'T IT?
GREAT. NOW I'M GONNA START
CRYING LIKE A LITTLE GIRL.
D.J.
HALF TIME.
HALF TIME.
SHAKE IT OFF, BIG FELLA.
D.J., WHAT'S WITH THE "WHY
DON'T YOU ADOPT HIM" STUFF?
COME ON, DAD. IT'S
PRETTY OBVIOUS.
YOU'RE TAKING
STEVE TO BALL GAMES,
HAVING FUN, HIGH FIVES
ALL OVER THE PLACE.
YOU KNOW STEVE'S DAD
MOVED OUT LAST YEAR.
STEVE NEEDS ME RIGHT NOW.
IT'S REAL IMPORTANT
FOR HIM TO...
I KNOW. HANG OUT WITH THE GUYS.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
NOTHING, UNLESS YOU'RE A GIRL.
DAD, I WANT TO SPEND
TIME WITH HIM, TOO.
WE USED TO BE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S HAPPENED.
STEVE'S GROWN UP A LOT
IN THE PAST TWO YEARS.
HE'S BECOMING A YOUNG MAN.
D.J.,
I KNOW YOU'RE HAVING
A HARD TIME WITH THIS,
BUT THAT'S NO REASON
TO CLEAN HIS CLOCK.
FINE, DAD.
I'LL TAKE MICHELLE
AND STEPHANIE,
AND WE'LL GO PLAY
"DUCK-DUCK-GOOSE."
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
WHO IS IT?
IT'S STEVE. CAN I COME IN?
UH, YEAH, I GUESS.
YOU SURE IT'S SAFE?
YEAH.
THANKS, I, UH...
DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE
THE WRONG MOVE
AND GET CREAMED AGAIN.
WELL, YOU KNOW, I'VE
BEEN HERE TWO DAYS,
AND THIS IS FIRST TIME I'VE
EVER BEEN UP TO YOUR ROOM.
YOU'RE A BUSY GUY.
YEAH, WELL, MY SCHEDULE
KINDA OPENED UP,
AND I WAS HOPING THAT
MAYBE I COULD TALK TO YOU.
TO ME? YOU WANT TO
TALK TO LITTLE OLD ME?
YEAH. LOOK, D.J.,
I WAS WONDERING WHY
YOU CLOBBERED ME.
'CAUSE I FELT LIKE IT.
WELL, WHY DID YOU FEEL LIKE IT?
'CAUSE I DID.
WELL, WHY DID YOU?
BECAUSE I WAS MAD AT YOU.
I WAS REALLY LOOKING
FORWARD TO YOU VISITING,
AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN
WANT TO GO ICE SKATING.
I THOUGHT WE COULD DO
STUFF LIKE WE DID LAST TIME.
I MISS THE OLD STEVE.
D.J., I'M STILL THE SAME STEVE.
NO, YOU'RE NOT. THE OLD STEVE
WOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN THIS LONG
TO COME UP TO MY ROOM.
D.J., I'M SORRY.
I WASN'T THINKING.
LOOK, BUT I'M HERE NOW.
D.J., I'M STILL YOUR COUSIN,
AND I STILL LOVE YOU.
SO DON'T YOU THINK WE CAN
TRY AND BE FRIENDS AGAIN?
YOU SEEM SO MUCH
OLDER THAN ME NOW.
I KNOW, IT MAY SEEM LIKE
A BIG DIFFERENCE NOW
BECAUSE I'M 17 AND YOU'RE 11.
BUT, YOU KNOW, WHEN
I'M 100 AND YOU'RE 94,
YOU'LL PROBABLY HARDLY
EVEN NOTICE THE DIFFERENCE.
SO...
SO...
SO, YOU WANT TO START ALL OVER?
GREAT IDEA. ALL RIGHT,
I'LL GO OUTSIDE AND
COME RIGHT BACK IN.
OK.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
♪ DA-DA-TA-DA ♪♪
GREETINGS FROM BALTIMORE.
HI, STEVE. WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR BRACES,
GLASSES, AND ZITS?
OH, UM... ALL GONE.
ISN'T NATURE GREAT?
HEY, I GOT A GREAT IDEA.
WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE GO ICE SKATING?
NAW, THAT'S FOR LITTLE KIDS.
BUT IF YOU REALLY
WANT TO GO... YEAH.
CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
♪ AH, AH, AH, AH ♪♪