Frisky Dingo (2006–2008): Season 1, Episode 13 - Thrust Issues - full transcript
Previously on Frisky Dingo...
And as God is my witness,
I will have my revenge on Xander Crews.
And you--what's your name?
- Um... Uh...
- I don't know your name.
Uh... Um, Barnaby Jones.
- Barnaby Jones!
- Yeah.
I would like to masturbate
right now in this car.
You know,
if I had my stuff with me, I would.
- But I am actually... Xander Crews.
- What?!
Woop woop Woop Woop wWoop.
[Big Band jazz playing]
[Mumbles]
No, bunny.
KILLFACE: Ohh...
[Mumbles]
KILLFACE: [Mumbles]
OK.
Now, that's a pickle.
On Wall Street today, shares in
Crews Industries dropped slightly
on word that billionaire tycoon
Xander Crews
had resumed control of the company
after a lengthy and mysterious absence.
[Reporters all shouting questions]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hang on. Hang on.
I'm just gonna do one question from...
Ooh! Ooh! Me!
[Sighs]
- Please pick m--
- Darcel Jones, Team Jaguar!
- Ohh...
- How are you doing?
- Called it.
- Boosh.
- You know--
- Shut up. Darcel is talking.
Yes. Darcel Jones of Team Jaguar.
Rowrr! Ha ha!
- Rowrr!
- Sorry. Go ahead.
What about the rumors that you
and the super villain Killface--
Let me just say this, Darcel.
A, they ought to call it Team Foxy,
and, B, me and Killface
being friends, that's retarded.
Hey, no offense to retards out there
'cause, God knows, they're big and strong.
CREWS: Next question.
No. That's it. We're done.
MAN ON TV: “Friends," followed by--
WOMAN ON TV: "Betrayal,"
starring Jeremy Irons.
- Y buddy ebsen como Barnaby--
- ...Jones marathon--
- ...on "This Old Barn"--
- A bee--
Jones of Tea--
[Laser blast]
Barnaby Jones.
Mark my words.
As my newish HDTV goes, so goes...
CREWS: Xander frickin' Crews.
Do you see the big-ass sign out there?
Does it say, “Stan the big, dumb, fat,
jerk liar who tried to steal my company"?
No! Building's not tall enough.
Ach, you know, I'm just glad my murdered
parents aren't alive to see this,
and frankly, we're not
too stoked about seeing it, either.
You son of a bitch.
- Are we, Old Spice?
- Yes.
He says, "no," and we are gonna do this
until you get it right.
[Disco music playing]
Master Cylinder.
- Whoo!
- Hey.
Whoo!
Master Cylin--ow!
Don't look over here at what I'm doing.
- You point at it.
- Yes.
- You celebrate yourself.
- Master Cylinder.
[Speaks Chinese]
No. I'm hoping
he'll just have a heart attack.
KILLFACE: No. Just leave it.
Will you leave it?
SIMON: [Mumbles]
No. Valerie abandoned me,
Phil stole the Annihilatrix,
and God knows where
the perfidious Sinn has run off to.
XTACLE: OK, gang.
Pretty bad year for us.
Lost a lot of guys.
So how about a big Xtacle welcome
for our new recruits, huh?
- Yeah! Get down!
- Put it all together.
Starting on the right over there,
we got Rod, Peter, Dick, Woody,
new fat Mike, and uh--
and Hooper.
SINN: Hi.
- What's up with that?
- Yeah. What is up?
SINN: I mean, ahem, what's up...
dudes?
Hey, is it weird that I kind of
want to [bleep] Hooper?
Not as weird as I kind of
want to [bleep] new fat Mike.
Yeah. He gonna get it.
Boosh.
So, just leave lady mom on the floor
as a painful reminder of everyone
ll clutch to my bosom in friendship,
only to feel the icy pang of betrayal
as they sank their serpent's teeth
into my, you know, my bosom.
- Well, my ears are burning.
- Wha--Philip?
♪ Ta-da! ♪
Eager to know why you're here.
- Brought you some pickles.
- Oh, why don't you just bring,
you know, humble pie basket, hmm?
- Let me tell you.
- Have you come to gloat?
That and I think
I might have left my Zune here.
- 1 don't--
- Have you, uh-- No?
- No. No.
- It's a...
- Nothing here but a...
- ..little Zune.
- ...profound sense of betrayal.
- Got MP3's on?
- Oh, and back knives.
- Oh, no biggie. I'll just buy a new one.
I'm a billionaire now, you know?
Yes. Yes.
I can tell by the tuxedo.
- Yeah. That's what we wear, you know.
- Hmm.
-2Z Top would be proud.
- Chubba chubba.
- And what do you billionaires drink?
- Tom Collinses, turns out.
- Well, Simon...
- Hmm?
- Would you be a lamb?
- [Mumbles]
KILLFACE: And to what shall we drink?
PHILIP: That, uh... this isn't just
a big glass of poison.
- Philip, that hurts me.
- It's just that, you know,
- I'd hate to beat cancer...
- Oh, you did beat cancer.
- Just to, you know, drink poison.
- Well, drink to that.
Yep. Cancer-free.
- Good for you.
- Also 20 billionaire.
20-- you mean you got full price
for the Annihilatrix?
Chubba chubba.
- From who?
- Uh, some crazy bunch of Saudis.
Gentlemen, it has been a pleasure.
Here's the key. I will take the check.
[Speaking Middle Eastern language]
Oh, and akala lakala to you, too.
Wait. Didn't you sell it for scrap?
Yeah. I think
they put it back together...
...or something.
Anyway, got the check right here.
Actually, probably shouldn't
be walking around with it
since it's just made out to "Cash".
So, just anybody could cash it?
Yeah, any two-bit hoodlum.
Well, up the rebels.
[Clink]
- Yes. Drink it in... and die.
- Agh!
[Crash]
- The Tom Collins.
- Ha! You mean a Fytoxan Collins.
Fytoxan?
Yes. The anal blood gushing
should start any moment...
Should just...
...come, you know,
bursting right out of your bottom.
Ha ha! No.
I knew you were gonna try that.
- Nothing?
- I've been taking Fytoxan for weeks.
Why, you formerly fat bastard!
Yeah. That's actually
how I lost the weight.
All right. I got to go
deposit this check.
Uh, thanks for the drink.
Enjoy the pickles,
and if you find my Zune, just give me a--
[Gunshot]
[Crash]
Bugger me.
VALERIE: Damn it! Missed!
Man, I knew, that guy didn't know
what he was talking about.
[Plays jazz]
- Look. I just--
- Hey, hold on. I call this one Fanny Melt.
Yeah, and my panties are melting.
- But ll just--
- ...got that big Chinese ass, all right.
Well- [Sighs]
What's the matter?
Ain't they got jazz in Vietnam?
[Sighs] Why does it always
got to be my ass?
There's a person in this ass.
KILLFACE: Simon,
want to see something neat?
Phil's head just exploded like a ham.
Oh, and also look at this check.
"Oh, please don't kill me."
KILLFACE: We can buy
the Annihilatrix back.
Please don't make it so appealing.
KILLFACE: I'll shave,
and we'll go to the bank.
"I'm a douche.”
Damn it! Ooh.
PALADIN: Yeah, but why
are we even doing this?
Because my mom
will be home any second.
Now help me defile this corpse.
Why didn't we just leave him
at the freakin' gazebo?
Oh, I'm gonna get one of them. Ha ha ha.
[Gunshot]
- CREWS: Did you see that?
- OLD SPICE: Yes.
His wiener jumped.
Oh, I wish I had a peanut.
- Oh!
- OK. Zap him again.
Ugh! Ooh...
[Cough]
- What the--
- Ha ha ha!
CREWS: Way to go, Old Spice.
STAN: You son of a bitch.
- CREWS: Hey!
- Did I have a f-ing heart attack?
- Yeah. You're barely hanging on here.
- Well, at least, I'll go to my grave
knowing I turned you into a pauper.
A what?
I used the entire Crews fortune
to buy [coughs] the Annihilatrix.
- What?
- Saudi investors. [Coughs]
Clones.
[Speaking Middle Eastern language]
What, are you praying?
You mean I'm not a billionaire anymore?
- No.
- How does this impact Train Island?
This, all that's left.
[Sighs] What is this, a key to a Beanstalk?
[Speaks Chinese]
CREWS: No. No. Keep him alive...
...so I can kill him later.
KILLFACE: What do you mean,
I can't cash it?
- We don't have that much.
- Oh!
You know we got robbed
a few weeks back.
By ants!
Yes. What's going on with the bug lady?
Uh, who knows, you know?
Not us, certainly. Ahem.
But see here.
It's made out to "Cash".
I want to cash it.
For 20 billion, I need a senior teller.
- Well, is this a bank or--
- Senior teller Marsha!
...you know, a house?
♪ Cat Party ♪
Ah! It's my phone.
Ooh, is that Cat Party?
Duh. Yes. Hello?
CREWS: What's up, Douchington?
There's no Douchington here.
Wait. Is that Xander Crews?
CREWS: Duh.
Oh, he could probably approve it.
Do you see the phone to my ear?
- Look here, Crews, you two-faced fink.
- Hey!
Fink? Wait. Let me move the phone
to the ear you didn't bite off.
Why don't you go buy a new one?
Oh, you can't.
I've got all your billions.
CREWS: What? Wait.
How'd you know they're my billions?
Aha! You just told me they were.
- CREWS: Damn it.
- Hmm.
Well, I've got your Annihilatrix key.
KILLFACE: You mean, you're the Saudis?
Clones. Long story, kind of boring.
[Speaking Chinese]
Well, check his neck pulse. You still there?
Crews, I want that key back.
What, did you say you want a tea bag?
Not tea bag, key back.
- SIMON: [Mumbles]
- Want the key back.
Well, I want my money back.
- Well, let's meet at the Annihilatrix.
- Well, OK.
Well-- Oh, do you know how to get there?
- CREWS: Yes. I do. Click.
- Ohh...
Absolute monarch
of all bum snaggers.
[Mumbles]
Well, you could have a lollipop
if you'd gotten
the damned Annihilatrix key copied
when I asked you to.
[Mumbles]
Exactly, so now I'm in
yet another pickle, and I hate to say it,
but you're sort of
really starting to be a liability.
[Gasps]
Never get that hermit crab at this rate.
CREWS: You got my money?
It's right here.
Do you have my key?
Duh.
You don't have to be crabby.
Yeah? Well, just give me
the damn check already.
All right. We'll make the exchange--
Don't you come over here, talent man.
I know your powerful kicking tricks.
- What?
- You throw it.
Throw them on 3.
No. I think it's windy for that.
-1, 2, 3, throw!
- Aah!
- What the [bleep], dude?
- You said, "throw it."
- Why did I say that?
- Because you're an idiot and a liar.
You didn't even throw yours.
- I was gonna keep 'em both.
- You--
Well, serves you right, then.
Go get my billionaire cashier's check.
- It's made out to "Cash", you twit.
- Damn it.
What do you want me to do,
put an ad on the Craigslist?
Well, you better think of something
because I'd rather be dead than poor.
- No! Xanderby, wait!
- Wait. How--
Does this thing just start like a frickin' car?
- Xander, wait!
- Retarded. Aah!
- Oh, my God, you've armed it.
- Aah! Why did I also do that?
What is wrong with you?
My parents never established boundaries.
- Idiot.
- Make it stop.
It's all right. There's a fail-safe.
I don't know or care what that means.
This is just the arming mechanism.
The actual launch button
is all the way... over...
BOTH: Aah!
[Mumbles]
BOTH: No!
Ha ha ha! Boosh.
And as God is my witness,
I will have my revenge on Xander Crews.
And you--what's your name?
- Um... Uh...
- I don't know your name.
Uh... Um, Barnaby Jones.
- Barnaby Jones!
- Yeah.
I would like to masturbate
right now in this car.
You know,
if I had my stuff with me, I would.
- But I am actually... Xander Crews.
- What?!
Woop woop Woop Woop wWoop.
[Big Band jazz playing]
[Mumbles]
No, bunny.
KILLFACE: Ohh...
[Mumbles]
KILLFACE: [Mumbles]
OK.
Now, that's a pickle.
On Wall Street today, shares in
Crews Industries dropped slightly
on word that billionaire tycoon
Xander Crews
had resumed control of the company
after a lengthy and mysterious absence.
[Reporters all shouting questions]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hang on. Hang on.
I'm just gonna do one question from...
Ooh! Ooh! Me!
[Sighs]
- Please pick m--
- Darcel Jones, Team Jaguar!
- Ohh...
- How are you doing?
- Called it.
- Boosh.
- You know--
- Shut up. Darcel is talking.
Yes. Darcel Jones of Team Jaguar.
Rowrr! Ha ha!
- Rowrr!
- Sorry. Go ahead.
What about the rumors that you
and the super villain Killface--
Let me just say this, Darcel.
A, they ought to call it Team Foxy,
and, B, me and Killface
being friends, that's retarded.
Hey, no offense to retards out there
'cause, God knows, they're big and strong.
CREWS: Next question.
No. That's it. We're done.
MAN ON TV: “Friends," followed by--
WOMAN ON TV: "Betrayal,"
starring Jeremy Irons.
- Y buddy ebsen como Barnaby--
- ...Jones marathon--
- ...on "This Old Barn"--
- A bee--
Jones of Tea--
[Laser blast]
Barnaby Jones.
Mark my words.
As my newish HDTV goes, so goes...
CREWS: Xander frickin' Crews.
Do you see the big-ass sign out there?
Does it say, “Stan the big, dumb, fat,
jerk liar who tried to steal my company"?
No! Building's not tall enough.
Ach, you know, I'm just glad my murdered
parents aren't alive to see this,
and frankly, we're not
too stoked about seeing it, either.
You son of a bitch.
- Are we, Old Spice?
- Yes.
He says, "no," and we are gonna do this
until you get it right.
[Disco music playing]
Master Cylinder.
- Whoo!
- Hey.
Whoo!
Master Cylin--ow!
Don't look over here at what I'm doing.
- You point at it.
- Yes.
- You celebrate yourself.
- Master Cylinder.
[Speaks Chinese]
No. I'm hoping
he'll just have a heart attack.
KILLFACE: No. Just leave it.
Will you leave it?
SIMON: [Mumbles]
No. Valerie abandoned me,
Phil stole the Annihilatrix,
and God knows where
the perfidious Sinn has run off to.
XTACLE: OK, gang.
Pretty bad year for us.
Lost a lot of guys.
So how about a big Xtacle welcome
for our new recruits, huh?
- Yeah! Get down!
- Put it all together.
Starting on the right over there,
we got Rod, Peter, Dick, Woody,
new fat Mike, and uh--
and Hooper.
SINN: Hi.
- What's up with that?
- Yeah. What is up?
SINN: I mean, ahem, what's up...
dudes?
Hey, is it weird that I kind of
want to [bleep] Hooper?
Not as weird as I kind of
want to [bleep] new fat Mike.
Yeah. He gonna get it.
Boosh.
So, just leave lady mom on the floor
as a painful reminder of everyone
ll clutch to my bosom in friendship,
only to feel the icy pang of betrayal
as they sank their serpent's teeth
into my, you know, my bosom.
- Well, my ears are burning.
- Wha--Philip?
♪ Ta-da! ♪
Eager to know why you're here.
- Brought you some pickles.
- Oh, why don't you just bring,
you know, humble pie basket, hmm?
- Let me tell you.
- Have you come to gloat?
That and I think
I might have left my Zune here.
- 1 don't--
- Have you, uh-- No?
- No. No.
- It's a...
- Nothing here but a...
- ..little Zune.
- ...profound sense of betrayal.
- Got MP3's on?
- Oh, and back knives.
- Oh, no biggie. I'll just buy a new one.
I'm a billionaire now, you know?
Yes. Yes.
I can tell by the tuxedo.
- Yeah. That's what we wear, you know.
- Hmm.
-2Z Top would be proud.
- Chubba chubba.
- And what do you billionaires drink?
- Tom Collinses, turns out.
- Well, Simon...
- Hmm?
- Would you be a lamb?
- [Mumbles]
KILLFACE: And to what shall we drink?
PHILIP: That, uh... this isn't just
a big glass of poison.
- Philip, that hurts me.
- It's just that, you know,
- I'd hate to beat cancer...
- Oh, you did beat cancer.
- Just to, you know, drink poison.
- Well, drink to that.
Yep. Cancer-free.
- Good for you.
- Also 20 billionaire.
20-- you mean you got full price
for the Annihilatrix?
Chubba chubba.
- From who?
- Uh, some crazy bunch of Saudis.
Gentlemen, it has been a pleasure.
Here's the key. I will take the check.
[Speaking Middle Eastern language]
Oh, and akala lakala to you, too.
Wait. Didn't you sell it for scrap?
Yeah. I think
they put it back together...
...or something.
Anyway, got the check right here.
Actually, probably shouldn't
be walking around with it
since it's just made out to "Cash".
So, just anybody could cash it?
Yeah, any two-bit hoodlum.
Well, up the rebels.
[Clink]
- Yes. Drink it in... and die.
- Agh!
[Crash]
- The Tom Collins.
- Ha! You mean a Fytoxan Collins.
Fytoxan?
Yes. The anal blood gushing
should start any moment...
Should just...
...come, you know,
bursting right out of your bottom.
Ha ha! No.
I knew you were gonna try that.
- Nothing?
- I've been taking Fytoxan for weeks.
Why, you formerly fat bastard!
Yeah. That's actually
how I lost the weight.
All right. I got to go
deposit this check.
Uh, thanks for the drink.
Enjoy the pickles,
and if you find my Zune, just give me a--
[Gunshot]
[Crash]
Bugger me.
VALERIE: Damn it! Missed!
Man, I knew, that guy didn't know
what he was talking about.
[Plays jazz]
- Look. I just--
- Hey, hold on. I call this one Fanny Melt.
Yeah, and my panties are melting.
- But ll just--
- ...got that big Chinese ass, all right.
Well- [Sighs]
What's the matter?
Ain't they got jazz in Vietnam?
[Sighs] Why does it always
got to be my ass?
There's a person in this ass.
KILLFACE: Simon,
want to see something neat?
Phil's head just exploded like a ham.
Oh, and also look at this check.
"Oh, please don't kill me."
KILLFACE: We can buy
the Annihilatrix back.
Please don't make it so appealing.
KILLFACE: I'll shave,
and we'll go to the bank.
"I'm a douche.”
Damn it! Ooh.
PALADIN: Yeah, but why
are we even doing this?
Because my mom
will be home any second.
Now help me defile this corpse.
Why didn't we just leave him
at the freakin' gazebo?
Oh, I'm gonna get one of them. Ha ha ha.
[Gunshot]
- CREWS: Did you see that?
- OLD SPICE: Yes.
His wiener jumped.
Oh, I wish I had a peanut.
- Oh!
- OK. Zap him again.
Ugh! Ooh...
[Cough]
- What the--
- Ha ha ha!
CREWS: Way to go, Old Spice.
STAN: You son of a bitch.
- CREWS: Hey!
- Did I have a f-ing heart attack?
- Yeah. You're barely hanging on here.
- Well, at least, I'll go to my grave
knowing I turned you into a pauper.
A what?
I used the entire Crews fortune
to buy [coughs] the Annihilatrix.
- What?
- Saudi investors. [Coughs]
Clones.
[Speaking Middle Eastern language]
What, are you praying?
You mean I'm not a billionaire anymore?
- No.
- How does this impact Train Island?
This, all that's left.
[Sighs] What is this, a key to a Beanstalk?
[Speaks Chinese]
CREWS: No. No. Keep him alive...
...so I can kill him later.
KILLFACE: What do you mean,
I can't cash it?
- We don't have that much.
- Oh!
You know we got robbed
a few weeks back.
By ants!
Yes. What's going on with the bug lady?
Uh, who knows, you know?
Not us, certainly. Ahem.
But see here.
It's made out to "Cash".
I want to cash it.
For 20 billion, I need a senior teller.
- Well, is this a bank or--
- Senior teller Marsha!
...you know, a house?
♪ Cat Party ♪
Ah! It's my phone.
Ooh, is that Cat Party?
Duh. Yes. Hello?
CREWS: What's up, Douchington?
There's no Douchington here.
Wait. Is that Xander Crews?
CREWS: Duh.
Oh, he could probably approve it.
Do you see the phone to my ear?
- Look here, Crews, you two-faced fink.
- Hey!
Fink? Wait. Let me move the phone
to the ear you didn't bite off.
Why don't you go buy a new one?
Oh, you can't.
I've got all your billions.
CREWS: What? Wait.
How'd you know they're my billions?
Aha! You just told me they were.
- CREWS: Damn it.
- Hmm.
Well, I've got your Annihilatrix key.
KILLFACE: You mean, you're the Saudis?
Clones. Long story, kind of boring.
[Speaking Chinese]
Well, check his neck pulse. You still there?
Crews, I want that key back.
What, did you say you want a tea bag?
Not tea bag, key back.
- SIMON: [Mumbles]
- Want the key back.
Well, I want my money back.
- Well, let's meet at the Annihilatrix.
- Well, OK.
Well-- Oh, do you know how to get there?
- CREWS: Yes. I do. Click.
- Ohh...
Absolute monarch
of all bum snaggers.
[Mumbles]
Well, you could have a lollipop
if you'd gotten
the damned Annihilatrix key copied
when I asked you to.
[Mumbles]
Exactly, so now I'm in
yet another pickle, and I hate to say it,
but you're sort of
really starting to be a liability.
[Gasps]
Never get that hermit crab at this rate.
CREWS: You got my money?
It's right here.
Do you have my key?
Duh.
You don't have to be crabby.
Yeah? Well, just give me
the damn check already.
All right. We'll make the exchange--
Don't you come over here, talent man.
I know your powerful kicking tricks.
- What?
- You throw it.
Throw them on 3.
No. I think it's windy for that.
-1, 2, 3, throw!
- Aah!
- What the [bleep], dude?
- You said, "throw it."
- Why did I say that?
- Because you're an idiot and a liar.
You didn't even throw yours.
- I was gonna keep 'em both.
- You--
Well, serves you right, then.
Go get my billionaire cashier's check.
- It's made out to "Cash", you twit.
- Damn it.
What do you want me to do,
put an ad on the Craigslist?
Well, you better think of something
because I'd rather be dead than poor.
- No! Xanderby, wait!
- Wait. How--
Does this thing just start like a frickin' car?
- Xander, wait!
- Retarded. Aah!
- Oh, my God, you've armed it.
- Aah! Why did I also do that?
What is wrong with you?
My parents never established boundaries.
- Idiot.
- Make it stop.
It's all right. There's a fail-safe.
I don't know or care what that means.
This is just the arming mechanism.
The actual launch button
is all the way... over...
BOTH: Aah!
[Mumbles]
BOTH: No!
Ha ha ha! Boosh.