Frisky Dingo (2006–2008): Season 1, Episode 11 - The Grate Escape - full transcript
Killfaceand billionaire tycoon Xander Crews escape from the sweatshop to rescue Simon from the evil clutches of master criminal Torpedo Vegas.
Previously on Frisky Dingo...
I can't believe Xander Crews
had a twin brother.
Yeah... Till Ronnie shot him in the face.
Yeah, there's a pickle.
I can't believe Killface fired me.
Well, revenge shall be mine.
No!
Revenge shall be mine!
MAN: No! Revenge shall be mine!
Not so fast, Killface.
MAN: Oh, no! It's Awesome X.
MAN: The new Awesome X action figure,
now with power 'stache
and fighting paunch.
Paunch? Son of a...
Get me the damn sweatshop.
- Operator.
- Yeah.
Barnaby, we've got to escape
from this horrid sweatshop
and find Simon.
Wha--who the hell is Torpedo Vegas?
I run the Death Rabbits in Chinatown.
[Mumbling]
Well, kid, this ain't Arizona.
Heh heh heh.
Heh!
[Typing]
- Yikes!
- What?
It appears your previous employer
didn't pay his unemployment insurance.
No, of course he didn't.
But we can help you find a job.
All we need is your resoom.
Do--do you mean resume?
Look, lady, I have a job, OK?
It's maybe not the best job in the world,
but it's better than your job
because you don't have one.
But we can help you find a job.
All we need is your resume.
- I don't actually have one.
- Well, that's a pickle.
- Ooh!
- What?
- I was supposed to get pickles.
- [Sigh]
For a party. You want to come?
There's gonna be pickles!
If 1 get them.
(Gasps) Wait a minute.
VALERIE: Cruisington arms
1100 Autoloader.
MAN: Anything else?
Phase plasma pulse laser
in the 40-watt range.
Just what you see here, lady.
Anything else?
Your clothes. Give them to me.
What the [beep] are you doing?
- Terminator?
- MAN: Look here, lady.
- No?
- I'm tired of talking to you.
Get the [beep] out of my store.
OK, uh, anybody got a prayer or--
- Oh!
- What's that?
Oh. It's, uh, actually a limerick.
Pssh.
Anyone Catholic? Anybody else?
No?
- OK, Papist, do your stupid limerick.
- Really?
- Boo, boo, boo.
- All right.
There once was a dead guy named Nearl
who rode around town on a squirrel.
He said to the pig that he...
ll don't actually have one.
Fantastic.
All right!
We got the gazebo fixed
just in time for LARPstock.
- Good going, everybody.
- Whoa!
- Baffling.
- Guys!
No, no! No, no!
- CREWS: I'm falling! I'm falling!
- KILLFACE: I've got you.
Damn it, hurry up!
CREWS: Do not drop me
in the dookie water.
CREWS: Ow, ow, ow, ow!
Dude, close your mouth!
KILLFACE: Come on!
CREWS: Your incisors are right on my bag.
KILLFACE: We have got to
get you some pants.
CREWS: I had pants!
KILLFACE: Barnaby, that wasn't pants!
Master cylinder!
Master cylinder pants.
What are we doing?
All right, tell old spice thanks
for helping us escape,
the map...Oh!
And thanks for these new eyes.
- Neat!
- Oh, this bag of radishes.
Move over, bananas.
I found a new source of potassium.
Oh, and tell him...
You know, you're really dead handsome.
Uh... He says he has a car in China.
Well, I don't care about his car!
Well, I'm not gonna tell him that.
No, do tell him!
Tell him that verbatim.
Owning a car in China
has got to be, like, a huge deal!
Of course he's proud.
- Barnaby--
- Think how many rags he had to pick!
Time's a bit of a factor here.
Tell him you're proud of his car!
What does it matter what I say?
Well, he speaks English.
- You speak English?
- Yes.
Mm-hm.
Hey, he didn't mean that about your car.
- I don't have a car.
- Oh.
I have about 50.
KILLFACE: Barnaby!
Eh.
Now, if I'm here...
That way...
Oh! Here's an idea. Indicate north.
Otherwise, it's not technically a map.
- It's just a drawing.
- So get this.
He doesn't even have a car.
- Well, thank God we sorted that out.
- Yeah.
Now, would you please come on?
XTACLE: Come on! No sense
moping around here all day.
Yeah, is have
too many sad memories here.
Also is messy.
Say we, uh, treat ourselves.
Go do something fun.
- Ooh!
- You know?
Let's go to the illegal
underground Chinese rabbit fights.
Oh. My. God.
[Gasp] What?
Let's get there this instant!
Come on, lady.
You make bet or what?
Ah, so.
Needing one moment, please.
Honorable Rady is formurating odds.
What the hell wrong with your mouth?
Are you getting this?
Guys? The bunny has landed.
And another local Peabody goes to...
- The bunny--
- Darcel Jones of team Jaguar.
[Growl]
Love me some Darcel Jones.
Oh, yeah!
Slideshow, she's in it.
What?
GRACE: Now commencing phase two.
Ah, so! Pweased to be placing
wager on wabbit.
- What the hell, damn girl? You hurry!
- Ah, so.
Pwease to excuse--wait, are--
Aren't you my dry cleaner?
- Aah!
- Ow! What the hell are you doing?
What the hell are you doing?
...Well, don't tell anybody.,
but I'm doing an expose on rabbit fights.
Yeah!
Nice cover.
Thank you!
I am trying to scoop Darcel Jones.
[Growl]
Slideshow!
Now shut up and listen!
- Barnaby, listen.
- What?
Thought I heard something.
[Gasp] I bet it's a CHUD.
We really need to get you some pants.
Yeah, that's not a pickle.
I know. It's your penis.
My penis?
My penis.
- Barnaby.
- Scrooching back.
So, when the Feds found out
I lied about being Chinese
to get a minority business loan,
they gave me a choice.
10 years in prison, jerk-off!
Or you play ball, help us bring these rabbit
killers down, and you walk.
- But-
- Walk down to the post office,
mail yourself a congratulation letter,
say, "Hey, I ain't getting
cornholed in the pen.”
But I'm really kind of scared. Ow!
We'll see how scared your punk ass is
when you doing 10
the hard way in the federal pen!
- What the--
- And scene!
- How was that?
- Goosebumps. God Almighty!
Taqu'il is doing research
for a movie about the FBI.
Wait. Are y'all allowed to hit them?
No. No, we're actually, uh,
the Department of Labor,
so we're not authorized to do,
you know, any of this.
Right on.
- Ow!
- Heh heh heh!
- Come on!
- Give 'm a fresh one.
- Ow!
- Ha ha ha!
- Oh, man.
- That's awesome.
And I--] got to tell you, I'm a racist,
but you have won me over...
At least in this case.
But if Torpedo Vegas
finds out I'm undercover,
he's gonna kill me.
Ow!
Damn it, Olivia,
you're too close to this thing.
And scene!
Ooh. And nachos!
Seriously, every time,
goosebumps with him.
Yeah, he's in the slideshow.
What is this "slideshow"
everybody's doing?
Seriously, you know I have tinnitus now.
I got to sleep with the fan on.
Hey, baby, want a nacho?
No, I don't want a damn nacho!
I thought you was taking me
to a nice restaurant.
I would have, if you would
have dressed appropriately.
- Harrumph!
- You know who dresses well?
- Darcel Jones.
- Oh, my God.
Love Darcel Jones.
- Heh! Shock.
- Racist-ass Chinaman.
Do you have a racist-ass dry cleaner?
Find out tonight with two-time
local Peabody award winner
Darcel Jones.
[Growl]
Well, just don't screw up my plan, OK?
Wait. What is your plan?
[Inhales]
I don't actually have one.
- So, uh, what's the plan here, big'un?
- Ahem.
Well, first, we follow this fetid scum pipe
into the lair of Torpedo Vegas,
where we'll effect ingress
through the drain in the men's lavatory.
Once we breach the perimeter,
you'll distract the first guard...
Oh?
Oh, me so horny!
You distracted?
- Oh!
- You like teabag, Chinatown?
- Ah, so.
- While I execute a stealth kill.
What the--
Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh.
- Yah!
- Yes, go see your mommy.
He'll have some shuriken we can use
to take out the remaining guards.
London calling.
Aah!
- Ow!
- Aah!
Then I'll face off with the dastardly
Torpedo Vegas mano a mano,
probably with kitanas.
Gaa!
You win this round, Killface.
Ahh...Ha ha ha.
Heh heh heh.
Then I'll have a tearful reunion with Simon,
and we can all go home.
Bing, bong, bing!!-.
Yeah.
- My part's kinda gay.
- [Chuckle]
- Wait till you hear plan "B."
- Wha--what is plan "B"?
Fleeze, douche bags!
I don't actually have one.
I can't believe Xander Crews
had a twin brother.
Yeah... Till Ronnie shot him in the face.
Yeah, there's a pickle.
I can't believe Killface fired me.
Well, revenge shall be mine.
No!
Revenge shall be mine!
MAN: No! Revenge shall be mine!
Not so fast, Killface.
MAN: Oh, no! It's Awesome X.
MAN: The new Awesome X action figure,
now with power 'stache
and fighting paunch.
Paunch? Son of a...
Get me the damn sweatshop.
- Operator.
- Yeah.
Barnaby, we've got to escape
from this horrid sweatshop
and find Simon.
Wha--who the hell is Torpedo Vegas?
I run the Death Rabbits in Chinatown.
[Mumbling]
Well, kid, this ain't Arizona.
Heh heh heh.
Heh!
[Typing]
- Yikes!
- What?
It appears your previous employer
didn't pay his unemployment insurance.
No, of course he didn't.
But we can help you find a job.
All we need is your resoom.
Do--do you mean resume?
Look, lady, I have a job, OK?
It's maybe not the best job in the world,
but it's better than your job
because you don't have one.
But we can help you find a job.
All we need is your resume.
- I don't actually have one.
- Well, that's a pickle.
- Ooh!
- What?
- I was supposed to get pickles.
- [Sigh]
For a party. You want to come?
There's gonna be pickles!
If 1 get them.
(Gasps) Wait a minute.
VALERIE: Cruisington arms
1100 Autoloader.
MAN: Anything else?
Phase plasma pulse laser
in the 40-watt range.
Just what you see here, lady.
Anything else?
Your clothes. Give them to me.
What the [beep] are you doing?
- Terminator?
- MAN: Look here, lady.
- No?
- I'm tired of talking to you.
Get the [beep] out of my store.
OK, uh, anybody got a prayer or--
- Oh!
- What's that?
Oh. It's, uh, actually a limerick.
Pssh.
Anyone Catholic? Anybody else?
No?
- OK, Papist, do your stupid limerick.
- Really?
- Boo, boo, boo.
- All right.
There once was a dead guy named Nearl
who rode around town on a squirrel.
He said to the pig that he...
ll don't actually have one.
Fantastic.
All right!
We got the gazebo fixed
just in time for LARPstock.
- Good going, everybody.
- Whoa!
- Baffling.
- Guys!
No, no! No, no!
- CREWS: I'm falling! I'm falling!
- KILLFACE: I've got you.
Damn it, hurry up!
CREWS: Do not drop me
in the dookie water.
CREWS: Ow, ow, ow, ow!
Dude, close your mouth!
KILLFACE: Come on!
CREWS: Your incisors are right on my bag.
KILLFACE: We have got to
get you some pants.
CREWS: I had pants!
KILLFACE: Barnaby, that wasn't pants!
Master cylinder!
Master cylinder pants.
What are we doing?
All right, tell old spice thanks
for helping us escape,
the map...Oh!
And thanks for these new eyes.
- Neat!
- Oh, this bag of radishes.
Move over, bananas.
I found a new source of potassium.
Oh, and tell him...
You know, you're really dead handsome.
Uh... He says he has a car in China.
Well, I don't care about his car!
Well, I'm not gonna tell him that.
No, do tell him!
Tell him that verbatim.
Owning a car in China
has got to be, like, a huge deal!
Of course he's proud.
- Barnaby--
- Think how many rags he had to pick!
Time's a bit of a factor here.
Tell him you're proud of his car!
What does it matter what I say?
Well, he speaks English.
- You speak English?
- Yes.
Mm-hm.
Hey, he didn't mean that about your car.
- I don't have a car.
- Oh.
I have about 50.
KILLFACE: Barnaby!
Eh.
Now, if I'm here...
That way...
Oh! Here's an idea. Indicate north.
Otherwise, it's not technically a map.
- It's just a drawing.
- So get this.
He doesn't even have a car.
- Well, thank God we sorted that out.
- Yeah.
Now, would you please come on?
XTACLE: Come on! No sense
moping around here all day.
Yeah, is have
too many sad memories here.
Also is messy.
Say we, uh, treat ourselves.
Go do something fun.
- Ooh!
- You know?
Let's go to the illegal
underground Chinese rabbit fights.
Oh. My. God.
[Gasp] What?
Let's get there this instant!
Come on, lady.
You make bet or what?
Ah, so.
Needing one moment, please.
Honorable Rady is formurating odds.
What the hell wrong with your mouth?
Are you getting this?
Guys? The bunny has landed.
And another local Peabody goes to...
- The bunny--
- Darcel Jones of team Jaguar.
[Growl]
Love me some Darcel Jones.
Oh, yeah!
Slideshow, she's in it.
What?
GRACE: Now commencing phase two.
Ah, so! Pweased to be placing
wager on wabbit.
- What the hell, damn girl? You hurry!
- Ah, so.
Pwease to excuse--wait, are--
Aren't you my dry cleaner?
- Aah!
- Ow! What the hell are you doing?
What the hell are you doing?
...Well, don't tell anybody.,
but I'm doing an expose on rabbit fights.
Yeah!
Nice cover.
Thank you!
I am trying to scoop Darcel Jones.
[Growl]
Slideshow!
Now shut up and listen!
- Barnaby, listen.
- What?
Thought I heard something.
[Gasp] I bet it's a CHUD.
We really need to get you some pants.
Yeah, that's not a pickle.
I know. It's your penis.
My penis?
My penis.
- Barnaby.
- Scrooching back.
So, when the Feds found out
I lied about being Chinese
to get a minority business loan,
they gave me a choice.
10 years in prison, jerk-off!
Or you play ball, help us bring these rabbit
killers down, and you walk.
- But-
- Walk down to the post office,
mail yourself a congratulation letter,
say, "Hey, I ain't getting
cornholed in the pen.”
But I'm really kind of scared. Ow!
We'll see how scared your punk ass is
when you doing 10
the hard way in the federal pen!
- What the--
- And scene!
- How was that?
- Goosebumps. God Almighty!
Taqu'il is doing research
for a movie about the FBI.
Wait. Are y'all allowed to hit them?
No. No, we're actually, uh,
the Department of Labor,
so we're not authorized to do,
you know, any of this.
Right on.
- Ow!
- Heh heh heh!
- Come on!
- Give 'm a fresh one.
- Ow!
- Ha ha ha!
- Oh, man.
- That's awesome.
And I--] got to tell you, I'm a racist,
but you have won me over...
At least in this case.
But if Torpedo Vegas
finds out I'm undercover,
he's gonna kill me.
Ow!
Damn it, Olivia,
you're too close to this thing.
And scene!
Ooh. And nachos!
Seriously, every time,
goosebumps with him.
Yeah, he's in the slideshow.
What is this "slideshow"
everybody's doing?
Seriously, you know I have tinnitus now.
I got to sleep with the fan on.
Hey, baby, want a nacho?
No, I don't want a damn nacho!
I thought you was taking me
to a nice restaurant.
I would have, if you would
have dressed appropriately.
- Harrumph!
- You know who dresses well?
- Darcel Jones.
- Oh, my God.
Love Darcel Jones.
- Heh! Shock.
- Racist-ass Chinaman.
Do you have a racist-ass dry cleaner?
Find out tonight with two-time
local Peabody award winner
Darcel Jones.
[Growl]
Well, just don't screw up my plan, OK?
Wait. What is your plan?
[Inhales]
I don't actually have one.
- So, uh, what's the plan here, big'un?
- Ahem.
Well, first, we follow this fetid scum pipe
into the lair of Torpedo Vegas,
where we'll effect ingress
through the drain in the men's lavatory.
Once we breach the perimeter,
you'll distract the first guard...
Oh?
Oh, me so horny!
You distracted?
- Oh!
- You like teabag, Chinatown?
- Ah, so.
- While I execute a stealth kill.
What the--
Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh.
- Yah!
- Yes, go see your mommy.
He'll have some shuriken we can use
to take out the remaining guards.
London calling.
Aah!
- Ow!
- Aah!
Then I'll face off with the dastardly
Torpedo Vegas mano a mano,
probably with kitanas.
Gaa!
You win this round, Killface.
Ahh...Ha ha ha.
Heh heh heh.
Then I'll have a tearful reunion with Simon,
and we can all go home.
Bing, bong, bing!!-.
Yeah.
- My part's kinda gay.
- [Chuckle]
- Wait till you hear plan "B."
- Wha--what is plan "B"?
Fleeze, douche bags!
I don't actually have one.