Fresh Off the Boat (2015–…): Season 6, Episode 10 - Jessica Town - full transcript

♪ It's the most wonderful time
of the year ♪

♪ With the kids jingle belling

♪ And everyone telling you
"Be of good cheer" ♪

- Good evening, mayor!
- Good evening, mayor!

Hello, boys!

You look dashing
in your top hats.

Check your trouser flap,
young man.

I was wide open, guys.
Thanks.

♪ It's the hap-happiest
season of all ♪

You're looking well,
Mayor.

Thank you, butcher.



Care for some ham?

No ham for me.

I'm already full
with joy.

Beautiful wreath,
you two!

Much less tacky
than last year.

We're learning.

It's a Douglas fir.

Uhp!

You missed some trash,
waste gatherers.

Yes, Mayor.

This bag
is very wet.

♪ There'll be scary
ghost stories ♪

♪ And tales of the glories

♪ Of Christmases long,
long ago ♪



Ho ho ho,
Mayor Jessica.

Heard you were building us
a new library.

You heard right,
Lao Ban Santa.

♪ There'll be
much mistletoeing ♪

♪ And hearts will be glowing

♪ When loved ones are near

♪ It's the most wonderful time

♪ Of the yeeeeeeeear

Uh, Jessica?

Well, look who decided to
finally roll out of bed.

It's 5:00
in the morning.

The day after
Thanksgiving.

I'm still more turkey than man.
Can this wait until later?

No. Jessica Town
is in full swing.

The Christmas season
has officially begun,

and there's no time
to waste.

Eddie, your pajama flap
is open.

I know.

Captions by VITAC...

♪ Fresh off the boat ♪

♪ I'm gettin' mine
everywhere I go ♪

♪ If you don't know, homey,
now you know ♪

♪ Fresh off the boat ♪

♪ Homey, you don't know
where I come from ♪

♪ But I know where I'm goin' ♪
*FRESH OFF The BOAT*

♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪
*FRESH OFF The BOAT*

Season 06 Episode 10
Episode Title :"Jessica Town"

Mmm.

Thanksgiving leftovers
are the best.

You guys should have tasted my
pancakes with turkey gravy.

Why would...
He's a human sewer.

Ooh. Our community parkis building
an ice rinkfor the holidays.

Ice skating in Florida...
what an era.

We should go together.

We haven't gonesince the boys were born.

Louis, it's 1999.

It's the last Christmas
of the century...

No, the millennium.

It has to be perfect.

I'm marking the occasion
with a stunning monument...

A life-size gingerbread
house on our lawn.

Take a look
at my prototype.

Behold the flawless
candy-cane gutters.

Although, they'll be a bitch
to clean once the leaves fall.

Jessica, instead of addingto
your list of holiday tasks,

you should be
subtracting.

We lose you for the
whole month of December.

Well, people expect a lot
from me at Christmas.

My cards,
my caroling solos,

the boys with their unique
Christmas requests.

Hey, boys, what do you
wantfor Christmas this year?

- Gift card.
- Gift card.

See?

It gets simpler nowthat
they're getting older.

Let's go skating.

What if I get hurt
on the ice?

What if somebody slams into me,
breaking my bones?

Come on. Your skeleton?
Strong.

Can't risk it.
Who would do all my work?

The holiday perfection
I've become famous for

would be ruined.

Oh, I got to run.

Tinsel goes
on sale today,

and I refuse to buy any
that's already been touched.

Oh, no.
Look at that huge bear.

Quick!
Drop the salmon and...

Ugh.
Read me in again.

- Ugh.
- Evan,

go from your line
about the river.

Stop whining.
Emery needs our help.

Thanks, Grandma.

Let's go find
somewhere else to rehearse.

It should always be
about the family.

Just like in this play,
"Wyoming Family."

Way to tank those linesso
we could get out of this.

Smart.

Going through the motions.
That's my thing.

Hey, guys.

Do you mind hiding
my Christmas gift for Marvin?

All he does
is snoop for presents,

and I'd feel better
if I kept it here.

Sure, Honey.
What'd you get him?

It's... a maritime
nutcracker.

It combines
his three favorite things...

Snacks, the Navy,
and wood.

I'll be back later
to wrap it.

Thank you.

There's no way
this dude can crack a nut.

You'd be surprised by the amount of
force a lever can generate.

It's physics.

Nerd, please.

Are you doubting me?

Take this pistachio.

See? Formidable...
like Mom's skeleton.

Now, let's add a lever
to the equation.

Awesome.

Levers.

Let's go bigger.

Now you're talking.
There's no stoppin' us now.

We pushed him too far.

It was the jawbreaker.

It says itright in the damn name.

Relax, bro.

We'll replace it
before Honey finds out.

How much could it cost?

"Handmade in Germany
by real Germans."

It's $400!

Why does Germany always
have to go over the top?

Are those
my Christmas cards?

Dad did them for you.

He seemed happy to use
the rest of his tuba stamps.

Went on a big rant about
postage going up again next year.

Tubas don't represent Christmas.

And he scribbled
the addresses.

Where's the elegant
calligraphy?

Stupid tuba hippo.

What in the name of Lao Ban?

Hey!
What are you guys going?

We decided
to change things up.

Yeah. The butcher
gave us the idea.

Mm-hmm.

How about this sassy brass?

I'm out of cash.

I spent it on Tina's gift
a brown weave belt.

The whole thing
is belt holes.

How 'bout you?

I've got nothing.

All my extra money
is tied up in mutual funds.

We don't have
anywhere close to $400

to buy a new nutcracker.

We have to tell Honey
what happened.

And risk getting in trouble
and losing our Christmas gift cards?

I'm spending mine on a
certificate to Taco Bell

so I can crush tacos
whenever I want.

Wait, you're using a gift card
to buy a gift card?

You've got to spend money
to make money.

We're not telling Honey.

We'll just do what I always do
when I make a mistake...

cover it up.

I don't know.
Sounds delinquent.

Sure. My way sometimes gets messy,
but it always works out.

I've broken plenty of things
and never gotten caught.

You think that's
your original watch?

That watch was a birthday gift
from my pen pal in Ecuador.

Well, this one's
from Sears.

I don't know.
Seems wrong.

Evan, think aboutall the stress confessing
would cause everyone.

Honey? Mom?

You want to
ruin Christmas?

Okay.

Let's do it your way.

Also, what happened
to my old watch?

Long story short,
it's in Trent's dog.

Oh, hey.

You see how I, uh, knocked out
all the Christmas cards?

I sure did.

Great. Then let's lace upsome
steel and hit the rink.

I packed some singles,

so maybe we can tip our
wayinto a Zamboni ride.

No Zamboni.

I have to stay and fix
everything you did wrong.

I seal each one
with a kiss.

Nobody knows,
but I know.

Okay.

I think you're
going overboard.

I think you should leave
Christmas to the professionals.

You thought I had
little time before?

Now I have
no time at all.

I mean, look at
this calligraphy.

It could have come
straight from the Vatican.

You're redoing
the envelopes just

because I used
the wrong stamps?

I don't see what
the big deal is.

My Christmas cards
kick off the holiday season,

and everyone expects
perfection from me.

Okay, I knew you were particular
about Christmas...

Particular?

I've been fine-tuning
the details for years.

I don't improvise.

This is Christmas,
not some sleazy jazz concert.

Understood.
I just didn't know

it went all the way down
to envelopes.

But now that I know,
I can help out,

and then we can go skating.

I don't think
that's a good idea.

Let's see... stockings need
hanging, wine needs mulling.

Come on.
How hard could it really be?

Okay.
You want to help?

You just drew
gingerbread house.

What? But that's
your showstopper.

Well, you said
all this was easy, right?

The grand unveiling is set
for the end of the week.

It's B-Y-O-E-N.

Bring your own eggnog.

Oh.

You want me to work at the mall
as a Christmas elf?

Yep.

All you got to do
is fill out that application.

Under
emergency contact,

put Cindy Crawford.
See what happens.

Why would I ever
want to do this?

Well, for starters,
it'll help your acting career.

Think of all the great
character work that you'd do.

I heard that "The Mummy's"
very own Brendan Fraser

got his start as a mall elf.

You'll also get
a 30% mall discount

that we can all share.
Think about it.

Just like that,
a $400 Christmas gift

becomes $280.

You broke Honey's nutcracker,
didn't you?

It was his quick math, wasn't it?

Fine.
We broke it.

But even with my job
at Cattleman's,

we still can't afford
to buy a new one.

And I don't meet the age

and height requirements
for elf duty,

which feels backwards,
but hey, rules are rules.

Sorry, guys,
but this isn't my fight.

Wait.
What about what Grandma said

about doing things
for the family?

Come on, Emery.
Your brothers are down.

It's Christmas.
Help us out.

For the family.

Okay.
For the family.

My man!

Hey,
while you're there,

do you mind putting in
a good word for me with Santa?

It's been a real
up-and-down year for me.

How's it coming?

Awfully messy.

Well, it's this
damn frosting.

It's basically concrete...
Solidifies instantly.

Doesn't bode
wellfor the real thing.

Maybe I should take over.

Nope. I've got it.

Um, quick question...
I ate a lot of this.

How worried should I be?

Thank you all for coming.

It is good to show interest
in your local government,

even though this isn't
a democracy.

The butcher's influenceis spreading,

first with the tuba music
and then with the ugly signs.

Yeah, and then you reward him
with a contract

to build our new library?

Yes, our beautiful new library

that will be filled
with only one book...

My novel... yes.

Oh! This is too much
for a meat vendor!

Exactly. Once that simple
butcher sees how hard it is,

he'll quit,
and then I, your mayor,

will come in and save the day.

But what if
he pulls it off?

Please.
That would take a miracle.

We live in a town where
it's Christmas year-round.

Miracles happen
all the time.

Big shift
at Cattleman's today.

- Sold a guy some ribs...
- Mm.

- ..and my socks.
- Ugh.

What?
You know what?

We need money.
I don't want to know.

There he is.

How was your first day
at work, champ?

It was awful.

Elfing's the worst.

Awful, like,
in a good way?

There was an endless line
of people, parents shoving,

babies crying.

And Santa's no picnic,
either.

"Hey, elf!
I said skimmilk."

Emery, this sounds terrible.

Emery?
Who's Emery?

My name's Jingles now.

I'm gonna go to bed.

I hate myself.

We can't let him
go back there.

Hey, this is what
you signed up for, remember?

You knew my way could get
messy, but it works.

If Santa's drinking skim,
what chance do any of us have?

So, we got to make this,
but life-size?

She's got a rain shower
in the half-bath.

You don't make anything easy,
do you, boss?

I give you three days
of vacation a year.

That's pretty easy.

And I'm easy on the eyes.
That's two easys.

How come you
stopped screaming

and banging your head
against the walls?

Is everything okay?

Everything's great.
Some might say easy.

Whoa.
That's three.

What's that smell?

We got some fresh gingerbread
cooking in the oven...

Homemade recipe.

Trent's gonna help me
start throwing up some walls.

Oh, my God.
It's a Christmas miracle.

I told you. It's not that hard.
Anyone could do it.

Really? So,

then you'd be okay if
I moved the unveiling up to,

say, tomorrow?

Give the neighborhood
a few extra days

to enjoy your handiwork.

Uh, tomorrow?

That's, like,
one day from now.

Oh, unless you
can't handle it?

Nope. We've got it.

If we can handle Catfish
Wednesdays at Cattleman's,

- we could handle anything.
- I'm sure you can.

I can't wait to see
how your homemade recipe

accounts for Florida's
relentless swamp humidity.

I'll be honest, boss...
No way this gingerbread house

can be built by tomorrow.

And I say that as a ginger
myself... one who eats bread.

Alright, bro.
You loose?

Need another Tic Tac?

I can't go back
out there.

It's almost over.

I'm picking up another shift
at Cattleman's,

and Evan's closing
a deal right now as we speak.

We're all in this
together.

For the family.

For the family.

Now go out there and throwsome
kids in that old man's lap.

Hello, good sir.
Nice location.

Donations for the Toys
for Totsbin are right over there.

No, I'm actually here to trade
for one of your nutcrackers.

Sorry, kid.
Cash only.

Hey, Evan!
What are you doing here?

I'm allowed to be here!
What are you doing here?!

Uh... Wh... Marvin found
the stocking stuffers I got him,

so I just had to come get
some aftershave.

Thank God
you guys are hiding his main gift.

You are gonna make
his Christmas morning.

You know the Huang brothers...

Always dependable,
rock steady.

Oh, well, someone
should tell Emery that,

because that kid
is in pieces.

I just saw him wiping his tears
with a paper snowflake.

Anyway, I will come by later
to wrap that gift.

How'd it go with
the Beanie Babies?

Fine.
It went fine.

Emery doesn't have to
work as an elf anymore.

Really?
That's great news!

So, how much did you
get for them?

Is this a "pizza's on Evan"
situation?

I stole
the nutcracker!

Aah!
I'm too pretty for jail!

This is one
high-class garland.

Gar-land is where
Garfield is from.

Jessica! Hurry!
I need you!

I knew he didn't
have it in him.

Wow.

It's worse
than I thought.

It's perfect.

Perfect?

This looks like a place
where gingerbread men go to O.D.

No way.

No, it represents the
humble spirit of Christmas...

Before everything became
so over-the-top.

Well, as tempting as it looks,
don't take a bite.

It's all nails.

Everyone loves
Louis' idea.

Scaling back.

Simple.
Genius.

I'm loving this music!

And I'm loving
this clapping!

Constable Bryson,

arrest those two
for disorderly conduct.

Sorry,
ma'am, but you no longer

have that kind of authority.

You're not
the mayor anymore.

What? Well, if I'm not,
then who is?

I give you...

your new library.

What about all the money
that's supposed to make it look nice?

I used it to build
an ice rink.

Yes!

I'll admit,
the time crunch had me nervous.

Couldn't get to all the bell
sand whistles,

but people love it.

Thanks, Louis.
You ruined my Christmas.

Hey, you really should
get on to to this nog, Lou.

It's only 2,000 calories a glass.

Um... what are you doing
to my sit-down hairdryer?

Making a joke out of something
you love, like you did to me.

Jessica, I thought you'd be happy
with my gingerbread house.

Please.

You built a shack.

Look, I know it's not Princess
Jasmine's Arabian fortress,

but everyone loves it.

Isn't that all
that matters?

Christmas is my holiday.

It has to be perfect.

Not quickly pushed through,
not scaled back... perfect.

Well, you know what a perfect
Christmas is to me?

Spending time with you.

The chair
looks beautiful.

What came over you, man?

I've never stolen
anything in my life...

I mean, a few hearts, sure, but
never a piece of property.

Shh!
Lower your voice.

She's watching
"Die Hard."

If Bruce Willis is on TV,

the rest of the world
fades away.

Yippee-ki-ay!

I don't know what happened
back there.

I saw the nutcracker.
Honey showed up.

Emery was crying.

Next thing you know,
I'm outside the mall.

It's like I blacked out.

This is really hard-core.

Now we're sitting on
a hot nutcracker.

I'm gonna have to go
on the run.

Start a new life.

This is all my fault.

I was the one who pushed you
to do things my way.

You never told me
to steal, Eddie.

We should have just told
Honey, like you said.

Well,
it's too late now.

I'll have to wear
a fake mustache

until I can grow one
on my own.

Let's just...

return the nutcrackerand
come clean to Honey.

- We're gonna be in so much trouble.
- No.

I'm taking all the blame.

What about
the consequences?

Your Christmas gift card?

Yeah, I know.

I'm really hoping this scoresme
some points with Santa.

Or Jesus.
Whoever's listening.

Now, come on.
Let's go call Honey.

Hans Gruber is actually
the hero of this story.

This must be what
King Kong feels like.

You do this all day?

Put on cheap makeup
and pick up trash?

Um, I did find an
almost-untouched BLT once,

so it's not always
terrible.

Oh.

Look at all those couples
spending time together.

I mean, that's what Christmas
is all about.

Shame we can't join them.

We're too busy
working around the clock,

picking up trash
so the town looks perfect.

How'd it go with Operation
Stolen Nutcracker Return?

Success. I told the vendor
I was cleaning it in Santa's workshop.

Everyone trusts a kidwearing bells.

Ha!

Isn't this wrapping paper perfect?

Navy blue?

Because the nutcracker's
clearly a naval officer.

Eh, you know what?
Marvin will appreciate it.

Yeah.
About that gift...

We... Good-looking jaws
on this one.

Cherish him.

Ohh!

Thank you
for keeping it safe, guys.

I don't know how you resisted
the urge to play with this guy.

You have more will power
than me.

Whoa, G-ma.

Why'd you bail us out?

I overheard
you were in trouble,

so I did it
for the family.

- For the family.
- For the family.

Nice chimney.
Peppermint bark?

It was a milk crate
from the shed.

I didn't mean to crap so hard
on your gingerbread house.

I was just worried
that Christmas would be ruined

if I didn't
make it perfect.

It's what I'm known for.

Christmas isn't about
being perfect.

It's about being together.

We just want
to spend it with you,

no matter how...

crappy it looks.

So, you see it, too?

I know you were just trying
to help when you wrote those cards.

Want to skate circles around
some teenagers?

Disrupt their make-outs?

Really? I thought you were
worried about getting hurt.

Fun fact...
I'm good at everything I do.

Besides, what is there
left to do?

You built
the gingerbread house,

and I see why
everybody loves it.

Well,
don't look too close.

I cut a few corners
during construction.

There's a rat in here!

Boss, there's a rat in here!

Yeah, 50 soft tacos, here I come!

Come on, Grandma.

We're family.

Well, Emery,
at least you have one.

Although, if we
split it three ways...

I'm spending mine
at the spa.

Oh, you look just like
a candy cane.

How you feeling?

That was a pretty gruesome fall
you took on the ice.

Hey, at least it restored my faith

in Orlando's
medical response team.

That ambulance came fast.

Oh, Louis.

You know these would have been
50% off tomorrow.

- Jessica.
- They're perfect.

Hold my hand.
I don't want to fall.

Come on. You just push off to
the sides, and go... like this!

- Oh!
- Aah!

- My arms!
- Ooooooh.

Ooooooh.
Synchronized by srjanapala