Frasier (1993–2004): Season 8, Episode 9 - Frasier's Edge - full transcript

WELL, ROZ, I THINK WE HAVE JUST
ENOUGH TIME FOR ONE MORE CALL.

OK, WE HAVE ANDY FROM
BREMERTON ON LINE 3.

HELLO ANDY. I'M LISTENING.

(Andy) AM I ON?

YES, GO AHEAD.

CAN YOU HEAR ME?

YES, YOU'RE ON THE AIR.

HELLO?

YOU'RE ON!

AM I ON? NOT ANYMORE.

THIS IS DR. FRASIER
CRANE ON KACL,



WISHING YOU GOOD MENTAL HEALTH.

GATHER AROUND EVERYONE.

OH, KENNY, WHAT'S ALL THIS?

I'M HERE TO OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCE

THIS YEAR'S SEABEE NOMINATIONS.

OOH. OH, WELL.

HE MADE US WAIT UNTIL YOUR SHOW
WAS OVER. IT WAS INTERMINABLE.

FIRST OF ALL, KACL
HAS BEEN NOMINATED

FOR A TOTAL OF 9 SEABEES.

(Kenny) ISN'T THAT GREAT?

[all chattering]

WHICH TIES US WITH KPX.

THE MIGHTY PIXIE... ALL RIGHT.

FOR MOST NOMINATIONS.
YES, THE MIGHTY PIXIE.



THEY DO VERY WELL.
NOW, ALL THE NOMINEES

WERE CHOSEN BY A
PANEL OF EXPERTS IN THE...

GIVE ME THAT!

GOOD GIRL, ROZ.

[gasping] OH, OH, HERE'S ONE.

BEST RESTAURANT
CRITIC: GIL CHESTERTON!

[all exclaiming]

THANK GOD I'M NOMINATED.

NOW I WON'T HAVE TO
ATTEND THE CHESTERTONS.

THE CHESTERTONS?

IT'S AN ELABORATE AWARDS SHOW
MY WIFE AND THE DOGS PUT ON

WHILE I'M OVERLOOKED
BY THE SEABEES.

ROZ, I DON'T SEE OUR NAMES
ANYWHERE. NO, NOTHING.

WE'VE BEEN SHUT
OUT. [groaning] OH!

I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

WELL, WHAT DO I HAVE HERE?

THERE ARE MORE AWARDS?

(Kenny) MAYBE.

I GUESS YOU'LL JUST HAVE
TO LISTEN AND FIND OUT.

SINCE 1962, THE SEATTLE
BROADCASTING COMMUNITY...

GIVE ME THAT!

OH, MY GOD. FRASIER!

YOU'RE GETTING THE
LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD!

WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS?

YES! IT SAYS RIGHT
HERE. SINCE 1962...

GIVE ME THAT!

HURTS, DOESN'T IT?

YEAH.

WHEN I WAS A BOY, MY PARENTS
TOLD ME TO REACH FOR THE STARS.

SADLY,

I LATER LEARNED
THAT STARS ARE JUST

MASSIVE, FIERY BALLS OF GAS.

WHICH, WERE I TO REACH ONE,

WOULD VAPORIZE ME INSTANTLY.

BUT TONIGHT,

WITH THE STEPHEN R. SHAFER LIFETIME
ACHIEVEMENT AWARD, YOU TELL ME

THAT I HAVE REACHED YOU.

AND YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

ARE MY STARS.

AND THAT'S WHERE
YOU WOULD APPLAUD.

I GOTTA SAY, FRASIER, IT'S REALLY
SOMETHING, YOU GETTING THIS AWARD.

[doorbell ringing] YES, DAD, IT'S
ACTUALLY QUITE AN HONOR.

YOU KNOW, CUSTOMARILY THEY GIVE
THEM OUT TO... TO MUCH OLDER PEOPLE.

HELLO. OH, NILES, FLOWERS!

HOW VERY THOUGHTFUL OF YOU.

THEY'RE NOT FROM ME. WELL, UH,

WELL, THANK YOU
FOR BRINGING THEM UP.

WELL, ACTUALLY THEY WERE
JUST OUTSIDE THE DOOR.

WELL, THANK YOU FOR
BENDING OVER TO PICK THEM UP.

WELL, IT WASN'T THAT FAR. THE HANDLE
STICKS WAY UP... JUST GIVE THEM TO ME!

"CONGRATULATIONS, FRASIER.

"YOU MUST BE VERY PROUD.

WILLIAM TEWKSBURY."

WHO'S THAT?

HE'S MY OLD MENTOR
FROM HARVARD, DAD.

GOSH, YOU KNOW, I'D READ
IN THE ALUMNI NEWSLETTER

THAT HE WAS TAKING
HIS SABBATICAL

HERE AT THE UNIVERSITY
OF WASHINGTON.

I'VE BEEN MEANING TO CALL HIM.

NILES, SOMETHING HERE FOR YOU.

FOR ME? WHAT FOR?

WELL, THIS MAY
BE FRASIER'S NIGHT,

BUT I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I HAVE 2 SPECIAL SONS.

[chuckling] OH! WELL...

DAD, HOW CONSIDERATE.

"WORLD'S GREATEST PSYCHIATRIST."

SEE? YOUR BROTHER'S NOT THE
ONLY ONE GETTING A PRIZE TONIGHT.

THANKS, DAD. OOP!
THERE'S MY LITTLE ROSEBUD!

[laughing]

HELLO.

IS IT MY IMAGINATION OR HAS SHE
GAINED WEIGHT SINCE BREAKFAST?

WHICH SEATING? 8, 9, OR 10?

OH, OH, DARLING
YOU'RE UNDONE. I KNOW.

THIS DRESS USED
TO FIT PERFECTLY.

NOW I CAN'T EVEN GET IT
ZIPPED HALFWAY UP. HUH.

THOSE BLOODY CLEANERS
MUST HAVE SHRUNK IT.

LET ME GIVE IT A TRY.

[grunting]

[zipper clicking]

(Niles) OH, MY!

WELL, MAYBE IF I
PUT A JACKET ON. OH.

WILL YOU COME AND HELP
ME PICK ONE OUT? SURE, SURE.

YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD
SWITCH DRY CLEANERS.

THAT'S THE 3RD DRESS
THEY'VE SHRUNK THIS WEEK.

DAD, WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THIS?

"CONGRATULATIONS, FRASIER.
YOU MUST BE VERY PROUD."

WELL, I'D SAY HE'S
HAPPY FOR YOU.

COURSE, I WAS A DETECTIVE,
SO IT COMES EASY TO ME.

HE DOESN'T SAY HE'S PROUD OF ME.

HE SAYS THAT I SHOULD
BE PROUD OF MYSELF.

DOESN'T THAT SEEM
A BIT ODD TO YOU?

NO! YOU'RE SPLITTING HAIRS. MMM?

YOU DON'T KNOW
DR. TEWKSBURY LIKE I DO.

HE WOULDN'T SAY
SOMETHING LIKE THIS

UNLESS HE MEANT TO
SAY SOMETHING ELSE.

YOU'RE GONNA LET THIS RUIN THE
WHOLE NIGHT FOR YOU, AREN'T YOU?

NO, NO. OF COURSE NOT, DAD.

I JUST THINK IT'S...

INTERESTING, THAT'S ALL.

YOU KNOW WHAT, DAD, I'M GOING TO
HEAD OVER TO THE SEABEES A LITTLE EARLY.

I'LL SEE YOU THERE. WHY?

WELL, I THOUGHT I SHOULD, UH,

FAMILIARIZE MYSELF
WITH THE DAIS.

FRASIER, IT'S JUST
A NOTE. I KNOW, DAD.

IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

I KNOW, DAD.

SAY HI TO DR. TEWKSBURY FOR ME.

I WILL, DAD.

DR. TEWKSBURY?

FRASIER CRANE.

OF COURSE!

FRASIER. OH!

IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.

LIKEWISE.

HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN?

OH, GOSH, I...

[stammering] PERHAPS,
UH, 20 YEARS.

THAT LONG? YES!

[exclaims]

ACTUALLY I WAS ON MY WAY
TO THE AWARDS CEREMONY

AND I... I THOUGHT I'D DROP BY AND...
AND THANK YOU FOR THE FLOWERS.

AND THE CARD.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

IT WAS VERY THOUGHTFUL OF YOU.

I WAS HAPPY TO DO IT.

PARTICULARLY THE CARD.

I'M GLAD YOU LIKED IT.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S CUT THE BULL.

"YOU MUST BE VERY PROUD."

WHY NOT "I'M PROUD OF YOU"?

WHY SPECULATION
RATHER THAN DECLARATION?

HMM?

WE BOTH KNOW THERE
ARE NO MISTAKES.

THERE MUST HAVE BEEN SOME REASON,
EITHER CONSCIOUS OR SUBCONSCIOUS,

THAT YOU CHOSE THESE WORDS.

FRASIER, I HAVE A
CONFESSION TO MAKE.

AH.

MY ASSISTANT WROTE THE CARD.

OH.

YOU SEE, WHEN I HEARD
YOU WERE GETTING AN AWARD,

I ASKED HER TO SEND FLOWERS
WITH A NOTE OF CONGRATULATIONS.

I'M AFRAID YOU'VE
BEEN OVERANALYZING.

I SEE.

[laughing]

THEN AGAIN,

PERHAPS, IN THAT ORDER
TO YOUR ASSISTANT,

YOU SUBCONSCIOUSLY
COMMUNICATED AN EMOTION

THAT YOU COULDN'T, OR
DIDN'T WANT, TO ACKNOWLEDGE.

OR PERHAPS YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS
ASSIGNED NEW MEANING TO THE WORDS

TO REFLECT YOUR OWN SELF-DOUBT?

BUT ALL ART IS SELF-PORTRAITURE

AND THAT INCLUDES
THE WRITTEN WORD.

HOWEVER, WE CAN ONLY VIEW ART

THROUGH THE LENS
OF OUR OWN PSYCHES.

THEN THERE IS NO PURER ART!

HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?

GOD, I'VE MISSED YOU!

[chuckling]

OH... OH, FRASIER.

OF COURSE I'M PROUD OF YOU!

OH, THANK YOU.

IT... IT... IT'S SO NICE TO KNOW
THAT, UH, IT REALLY IS. THANK YOU.

OH, I REALLY WISH WE
HAD MORE TIME TO TALK.

BUT I'M TAKING MY WIFE
OUT TO DINNER TONIGHT.

I WANT TO PICK UP SOME
FLOWERS BEFORE THE SHOPS CLOSE.

YES, YES OF COURSE.

THIS TIME I THINK I'LL
WRITE THE CARD MYSELF.

[chuckling] THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

[both laughing]

GOSH, IT... IT WAS
GREAT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

YES.

LET'S GET TOGETHER SOME EVENING.

OH, I'D LIKE THAT.

IT'S NOT OFTEN I GET TO DINE

WITH THE RECIPIENT OF A
LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD.

OH, PLEASE.

IT'S JUST A... A TRINKET FOR
A LITTLE RADIO SHOW I DO.

OH, NOT THAT BY "A LITTLE" I
MEAN TO MINIMIZE MY ACHIEVEMENT.

I KNOW.

I KNOW YOU KNOW. I
JUST WANT TO BE CLEAR

SO THAT YOU DON'T INFER ANY
MEANINGS THAT AREN'T ACTUALLY THERE.

WHAT MIGHT I INFER?

OH, YOU KNOW, THAT I'M SOMEHOW DISSATISFIED
WITH MY WORK, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

YOU ALSO CALLED
THE AWARD A TRINKET.

CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT I
MIGHT HAVE DONE WITH THAT?

YES, EXACTLY!

YOU SEE? A... A LESSER
THERAPIST MIGHT SAY

THAT I... I DIDN'T THINK
MUCH OF AN AWARD

THAT THEY'RE WILLING TO
GIVE TO THE LIKES OF ME.

MMM. I SUPPOSE

IF ONE WERE LOOKING HARD ENOUGH,

ONE COULD EVEN SAY
YOUR COMING DOWN HERE

WAS A DESPERATE
QUEST FOR APPROVAL.

[laughing] OH, WELL,

THAT ONE'S A LITTLE OUT THERE.

FRASIER, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO WORRY.

I'M NOT INFERRING ANYTHING.

ENJOY YOURSELF THIS EVENING.

I WILL.

BECAUSE TONIGHT

IS MY NIGHT.

YES.

SO LONG, PROFESSOR.

GOODBYE.

[door closing]

[sighs]

FRASIER.

[chuckling]

FRASIER?

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?

YES, DEAR, I... I KNOW
WE HAVE RESERVATIONS,

BUT ONE OF MY FORMER
STUDENTS IS HAVING A MINOR CRISIS.

I'LL BE THERE IN HALF AN HOUR.

[shouting] WHAT
DOES IT ALL MEAN?

MAKE IT AN HOUR.

[people chattering]

HELLO, EVERYBODY.

OH, HEY ROZ.

[chuckles admiringly] WHOA!

YOU LOOK GREAT, ROZ!

YEAH, THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL DRESS.

THANK YOU. AND AFTER 2 WEEKS OF EATING
DELICIOUS FAT-BURNING CABBAGE SOUP,

IT FINALLY FITS.

NILES MADE ME CABBAGE
WITH ME OSSO BUCO LAST NIGHT.

IF I KNEW IT BURNED FAT I
WOULD HAVE HAD A 4TH HELPING.

WELL, WE DO HAVE LEFTOVERS.

NO, WE DON'T.

I HAVEN'T SEEN DAPHNE IN A
WHILE. IS IT MY IMAGINATION?

NO. 6 SQUARES A DAY.

THAT'S NOT LIKE HER.

MAYBE SHE'S DEPRESSED.
THAT'S WHEN I EAT.

YOU SAID ANYTHING TO HER? NOPE.

TIMING IS VERY DELICATE IN
SOMETHING LIKE THIS, ROZ.

I THOUGHT I'D WAIT UNTIL AFTER
SHE GETS TOO BIG TO CATCH ME

BUT BEFORE SHE NEEDS
THE MOTORIZED SCOOTER.

HEY, HAS ANYONE SEEN FRASIER?

NO, NOT YET. WHAT'S THE
MATTER? YOU LOOK PALE.

OH, I HATE PUBLIC SPEAKING

AND THEY ROPED ME INTO
GIVING FRASIER'S INTRODUCTION.

I JUST WANT TO
MAKE SURE IT'S OK.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU RUN IT BY
NILES? HE'S A PSYCHIATRIST, TOO.

AND HE'S JUST AS SMART
AND SUCCESSFUL AS FRASIER.

DAD.

IT'S TRUE. YOU ARE.

HE IS.

HEY, GIL.

SO WHERE IS THAT
ELUSIVE WIFE OF YOURS?

IF YOU MUST KNOW, DEB'S ON
MANEUVERS WITH HER RESERVE UNIT.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

WELCOME TO THIS YEAR'S
SEATTLE BROADCASTING AWARDS.

LET'S GET RIGHT TO OUR FIRST CATEGORY:
OUTSTANDING RESTAURANT CRITIC.

AND THE NOMINEES ARE:

MERRILL GEORGE, FOR CAFE CHAT,

SHELDON HASTINGS, FOR
HERE'S LOOKING AT FOOD,

AND GIL CHESTERTON,

FOR RESTAURANT BEAT.

[all cheering]

AND...

WE HAVE A TIE!

THEY EXPECT ME TO SHARE?
WHAT IS THIS, DIM SUM?

AND THE SEABEES GO TO:

MERRILL GEORGE AND
SHELDON HASTINGS.

NO, TH-TH-THIS
CAN'T BE HAPPENING.

OH, COME ON, GIL. ISN'T IT
ENOUGH JUST TO BE NOMINATED?

YOU TELL ME, MISS 3-TIME LOSER!

(man) TO ALL MY LISTENERS...

(Frasier) I KNOW I SHOULD BE
HAPPY, BUT I FEEL SO DISSATISFIED.

WELL, FRASIER, IT'S NO ACCIDENT

THAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH
THIS ON THE DAY THAT YOU RECEIVE

YOUR LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD.

WELL, DUH.

LOOK, ALL RIGHT,
I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY.

[stuttering] I'M JUST ACTING
OUT. PLEASE, PLEASE.

HERE. CONTINUE. PLEASE. PLEASE.

[clearing throat]

AS YOU KNOW,

MEN IN OUR SOCIETY COMMONLY
DEFINE THEMSELVES BY THEIR CAREERS.

YES. I'LL COP TO THAT, YEAH.

IN FACT, THERE'S NOTHING I'M
MORE PROUD OF THAN MY CAREER.

IT'S BECAUSE I... I LOVE TO
HELP PEOPLE. I ALWAYS HAVE.

ALL RIGHT, REFRESH MY
MEMORY. WASN'T IT YOUR MOTHER

WHO FIRST SPARKED YOUR
INTEREST IN PSYCHIATRY?

YES, IT WAS.

I... I REMEMBER
THE... THE EXACT DAY.

UH, I WAS 8.

AND I... I'D COME HOME CRYING
BECAUSE ONE OF THE OLDER BOYS

HAD THROWN MY COPY OF THE
FOUNTAINHEAD UNDER A BUS.

MY MOTHER EXPLAINED TO ME

IT WASN'T BECAUSE HE
DIDN'T LIKE THE WAY I WALKED,

OR BECAUSE I WORE
AN ASCOT TO SCHOOL.

BECAUSE HE DIDN'T LIKE HIMSELF.

AND AT THAT VERY MOMENT,

I BECAME A STUDENT
OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR.

IT WAS AS IF SOMEONE HAD
GIVEN ME AN INSTRUCTION MANUAL

EXPLAINING WHY PEOPLE
ACTED THE WAY THEY DID.

NOT TO MENTION

A WAY TO DISTANCE YOURSELF
FROM PAINFUL EMOTIONS.

OH, TOTALLY.

I TOOK A LOT OF
GRIEF FOR THAT ASCOT.

SO, UH, YOU WERE
DRAWN TO PSYCHIATRY

NOT BECAUSE YOU
LIKED TO HELP PEOPLE,

BUT BECAUSE YOU FEARED THEM.

I FEARED THEM?

PSYCHIATRY GIVES
YOU OBJECTIVITY,

OBJECTIVITY GIVES YOU
EMOTIONAL DISTANCE,

DISTANCE MAKES YOU FEEL SAFE.

YES, YES, GRANTED.

BUT WHAT HAS THAT
GOT TO DO WITH ME?

HOW'S YOUR PRACTICE? HMM?

I DON'T HAVE A PRACTICE.
I HAVE A RADIO SHOW.

DISTANCE.

ANY CHILDREN?

YES. I HAVE A WONDERFUL
SON WITH WHOM I'M VERY CLOSE.

YOU LIVE WITH HIM?

HE LIVES IN BOSTON.

DISTANCE.

WITH YOUR WIFE.

MY EX-WIFE. YES,
I KNOW, DISTANCE.

WASN'T SHE A PSYCHIATRIST?

YES SHE WAS. SHE HAPPENED
TO BE A DAMN GOOD ONE, TOO.

WELL, THAT'S A HANDY CHOICE FOR
SOMEONE WHO'D RATHER SHARE IDEAS

THAN EMOTIONS.

HAVE YOU EVER MET LILITH?

NO.

WELL, SHE HAPPENS TO BE A... A
VERY WARM AND L-LOVING WOMAN.

HAVE YOU HAD ANY OTHER
MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP SINCE THEN?

AS A MATTER OF FACT I...

W-WHAT IS YOUR POINT?

MY POINT IS

THAT AT THE AGE OF 8...

AT 8!

YOU BEGAN TO USE PSYCHIATRY

AS A WAY TO DEAL WITH A WORLD
THAT SCARED YOU TO DEATH

AND THIS LIFETIME
ACHIEVEMENT AWARD

HAS MADE YOU REALIZE
THAT YOUR CAREER IS FINITE.

AND ONCE IT'S GONE,

ALL YOU'LL HAVE LEFT

IS THAT FRIGHTENED
8-YEAR-OLD BOY.

WELL.

WOULD YOU LIKE
TO HEAR MY THEORY?

YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

I AM NOT AN 8-YEAR-OLD.

AND YOU KNOW SOMETHING ELSE?

YOU'RE NOT MY MENTOR ANYMORE!

ROZ, YOU GONNA EAT YOUR QUICHE?

ARE YOU KIDDING?

THIS WOULD BE LIKE PULLING
THE RIPCORD ON MY THIGHS.

IT'S NOTHING BUT CHEESE,
AND BUTTER, AND PASTRY...

AND BACON!

ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T MIND?

I HAVE GOOD NEWS. I JUST SPOKE
TO FRASIER. HE'S ON HIS WAY.

AH! THANK GOODNESS.

NOT THAT I'M NOT HAVING A
GOOD TIME WITH YOU, NILES.

DAD, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO
OVERCOMPENSATE.

I'M NOT SOME GREEN-EYED MONSTER

BURNING WITH ENVY FOR FRASIER.

ALL RIGHT.

BUT IF YOU WERE, I BET
YOU'D BE A GREAT ONE.

DAPHNE?

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN A WHILE.

HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? ARE YOU OK?

[chuckles]

I'M BETTER THAN OK.

I'M IN LOVE WITH A
MAN WHO LOVES ME.

HE SHOWERS ME WITH ATTENTION.

EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP WONDERING
WHAT TREASURES THIS DAY WILL BRING.

IT REALLY IS THE
HAPPIEST TIME OF MY LIFE.

AND HOW ARE YOU?

GOOD.

[clears throat nervously]

REALLY GOOD.

COULD YOU PASS
ME FRASIER'S QUICHE?

AND THE BUTTER.

[muffled] THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT, PROFESSOR. YOU KNOW, I
HATE TO BE THE ONE TO BREAK IT TO YOU,

BUT I'M AFRAID YOU'VE
LOST YOUR TOUCH.

WHERE'S YOUR D.S.M.?

UH, OVER THERE.

RIGHT.

EMOTIONALLY STUNTED
8-YEAR-OLD, MY EYE.

AH, HERE'S WHAT
I'M GOING THROUGH.

"PHASE OF LIFE ISSUE.

"A PROBLEM ASSOCIATED WITH A
PARTICULAR DEVELOPMENTAL PHASE

OR OTHER LIFE CIRCUMSTANCE."

PLEASE. A MIDLIFE CRISIS?

IT'S OBVIOUS, REALLY.

YOU KNOW, I'M SURPRISED IT
DIDN'T OCCUR TO ME SOONER.

IF SOMEONE HAD CALLED
MY SHOW WITH THIS PROBLEM,

I'D HAVE DIAGNOSED
IT INSIDE A MINUTE.

AND THEN WHAT
WOULD YOU HAVE DONE?

THAT DEPENDS ON THE CALLER.

ALL RIGHT!

THE CALLER...

IS YOU.

FINE.

ON LINE ONE,

WE HAVE FRASIER CRANE

FROM SEATTLE.

HELLO, DR. CRANE.

I LOVE YOUR SHOW. I'M A BIG FAN.

I WON'T BORE YOU WITH ALL THE
DETAILS OF MY LIFE, BECAUSE...

Y-YOU KNOW THEM.

SUFFICE TO SAY,

I'M A SUCCESSFUL PSYCHIATRIST.

MY PROBLEM IS THAT...

IN SPITE OF THE
LIFE I'VE BUILT...

I FEEL...

EMPTY.

[clears throat]

AH!

EMPTINESS.

THE ETERNAL VOID.

IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN, IT WAS
JOHN KEATS WHO ONCE WROTE...

YOU'RE STALLING. DEAL
WITH THE FEELINGS.

ALL RIGHT, FAIR ENOUGH.

PERHAPS, CALLER, IF WE
REFRAME THE ISSUE, WE CAN...

REDEFINING THE PROBLEM.
DEAL WITH THE FEELINGS.

UH...

LET'S RUN DOWN THE BECK
DEPRESSION INVENTORY...

REDIAGNOSING. YOU KNOW
WHAT THE PROBLEM IS.

THE CALLER FEELS EMPTY. GO ON.

OK.

LAST MONTH, IN THE
NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL...

HE'S ALREADY READ IT.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

THE CALLER IS FRASIER CRANE.

IF YOU DID, HE DID.

I CAN SUGGEST CERTAIN
VISUALIZATION TECHNIQUES THAT MIGHT...

HE KNOWS THEM ALREADY.

LOOK, IF HE KNOWS ALL
THIS, THEN WHY IS HE CALLING?

HE TOLD YOU.

BECAUSE HE'S EMPTY. KEEP GOING.

WELL, UH, SOMETIMES IT HELPS
TO... TO WRITE YOURSELF A LETTER.

HE'S ALREADY GOT
HIMSELF ON THE PHONE.

BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE WANTS!

THEN WHY DO YOU
KEEP TRYING TO BURY HIM

IN PSYCHIATRIC EXERCISES?

BECAUSE THAT'S ALL I HAVE!

I'M SORRY, CALLER.

I CAN'T HELP YOU.

FRASIER'S UP NEXT,
HE'S NOT HERE YET.

WHAT THE HELL AM I GONNA DO?

WELL, HE... HE'LL
BE HERE IN A MINUTE.

JUST GO UP THERE AND STALL.

STALL?

[gasping nervously]

STALL?

YES, LIKE THAT.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
OUR NEXT PRESENTER:

KACL GENERAL MANAGER KENNY DALY.

I THINK I'M GONNA BE SICK.

OH, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, KENNY.
RELAX. I'LL GO UP THERE FOR YOU.

NO, NO, NILES. LET ME DO IT.

THIS NIGHT'S BEEN HARD
ENOUGH ON YOU ALREADY.

YOU ARE SUCH A WEENIE.

YEAH.

WEENIE LIKE A FOX.

UH, ACTUALLY, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, I'M, UH, MARTIN CRANE.

UH, KENNY VERY KINDLY LET
ME DO THE HONORS. YOU SEE,

I'M FRASIER'S DAD.

OH, NO, NO. MORE THAN THAT,

I'M THE FATHER
OF 2 SPECIAL GUYS.

SO, IF IT'S OK WITH YOU I'D LIKE
YOU TO GIVE A BIG SEABEE WELCOME

TO MY OTHER SON, NILES.

COME ON, NILES, STAND
UP! LET 'EM SEE YOU!

OH! HERE'S FRASIER!

[audience cheering]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

I GIVE YOU THE WINNER

OF THE STEPHEN R. SHAFER
LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD,

MY SON, FRASIER CRANE.

[man whistling]

OH, PLEASE.

[clearing throat]

UH,

THANK YOU FOR HONORING MY LIFE.

JUST WISH I KNEW WHAT
TO DO WITH THE REST OF IT.

[all laughing]

[people murmuring]

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

(Frasier) ♪ HEY, BABY, I
HEAR THE BLUES A-CALLIN' ♪

♪ TOSSED SALADS
AND SCRAMBLED EGGS ♪

MERCY.

♪ AND MAYBE I SEEM
A BIT CONFUSED ♪

♪ WELL, MAYBE, BUT
I GOT YOU PEGGED ♪

[laughing]

♪ BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ♪

♪ WITH THOSE TOSSED
SALADS AND SCRAMBLED EGGS ♪

♪ THEY'RE CALLIN' AGAIN ♪

GOOD NIGHT!