Frasier (1993–2004): Season 8, Episode 10 - Cranes Unplugged - full transcript
In the wake of his conversation with Dr. Tewkesbury, Frasier has decided to stop defining his success by his career, and to focus on his son. To this end, he invites Frederick to stay for the weekend, and makes several plans for edifying activities. He is disappointed when Frederick, now thirteen, arrives and shows no interest in spending time with his father. He prefers watching MTV, playing on his Game Boy and talking on the phone with his friends. Frustrated, Frasier decides to take his son on a camping trip, so they can bond away from all electronic distractions. When Frederick protests Frasier decides to bring Martin as well. Meanwhile, Daphne is trying to set Roz up with Niles' squash partner, an attractive surgeon called Jack, but Roz is distressed when he cancels at the last minute, claiming a medical emergency.
WHO'S UP NEXT, ROZ?
WE HAVE CLEO FROM
REDMOND ON LINE 3.
[clicking]
HELLO, CLEO, I'M LISTENING.
(Cleo) HI, DR. CRANE.
I'VE BEEN DATING
3 DIFFERENT GUYS
AND I CAN'T CHOOSE BETWEEN THEM.
IS IT THAT YOU CAN'T CHOOSE,
OR YOU DON'T WANT TO CHOOSE?
IT'S JUST HARD.
ONE'S REALLY FUNNY,
ONE'S ADVENTUROUS, AND ONE'S
SENSITIVE. THEY'RE ALL GORGEOUS, TOO.
OH, EXCUSE ME, CLEO.
THIS SHOW IS FOR PEOPLE
WITH REAL PROBLEMS.
ROZ.
UM, IT... IT SOUNDS TO
ME AS IF EACH SUITOR
POSSESSES ONE
QUALITY THAT YOU ADMIRE.
RATHER THAN CHOOSE AMONG THEM,
WHY NOT TRY TO FIND ONE PERSON
WHO FITS ALL YOUR CRITERIA?
WHY DON'T YOU CALL BACK WHEN
YOU'RE A WORKING SINGLE MOTHER
WHOSE CHOICE IN DATES IS
BETWEEN A GUY WITH 8 TEETH
AND A GUY WHOSE
HAIR IS PAINTED ON?
SADLY, WE'RE OUT OF TIME.
THIS IS DR. FRASIER CRANE
SAYING GOOD DAY, SEATTLE,
AND GOOD MENTAL HEALTH,
UNLESS, OF COURSE, ROZ
HAS A PROBLEM WITH THAT.
IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG, ROZ?
BECAUSE IF THERE IS,
WE SHOULD DISCUSS IT
BEFORE IT BLEEDS INTO YOUR WORK.
I'M SORRY.
I'M JUST SICK OF HEARING PEOPLE
COMPLAIN ABOUT THEIR LOVE LIVES
WHILE I FACE ANOTHER
WEEKEND WITHOUT PLANS.
WELL, I EMPATHIZE, BUT...
I KNOW! LOOK WHO I'M TELLING!
IT SO HAPPENS I HAVE
BIG PLANS THIS WEEKEND.
LET ME GUESS.
YOU AND NILES ARE PLAYING YOUR
ZITHERS AGAIN AT THE RENAISSANCE FAIR.
GET REAL, ROZ.
THE RENAISSANCE FAIR IS A
FORTNIGHT AFTER ST. SWITHIN'S DAY.
NO, MY SON IS COMING TO TOWN.
IN... IN FACT, DAD AND DAPHNE SHOULD BE
PICKING HIM UP AT THE AIRPORT RIGHT NOW.
I DIDN'T KNOW FREDDY WAS COMING.
WELL, IT WAS SORT OF
LAST-MINUTE, ACTUALLY.
YOU KNOW, YOU REMEMBER I
HAD THAT REUNION OF SORTS
WITH MY OLD COLLEGE
MENTOR, DR. TEWKSBURY?
WELL, IT LED TO A LOT
OF SOUL-SEARCHING.
HE HELPED ME TO REALIZE
THAT I'VE BEEN DEFINING
MYSELF BY MY CAREER
AND IT'S TIME THAT I
REARRANGE MY PRIORITIES.
AND MY FIRST PRIORITY IS MY SON.
WHAT IS HE NOW, 12?
NO, 13, ROZ. (Roz) WOW.
GOSH, YOU KNOW, THE
YEARS REALLY HAVE FLOWN BY.
I FEEL LIKE I'VE MISSED SO MUCH.
SO WHAT ARE YOU GUYS GONNA DO?
OH, LOTS OF THINGS. I THOUGHT
WE'D GO AND SEE A PLAY,
AND, UH, MAYBE TAKE IN THE COMPUTER
SHOW, HE'D LOVE THAT, AND, UH...
OH, I'VE DECIDED WE ARE GOING
TO READ WALDEN TOGETHER.
SOME VACATION. NO, NO,
ROZ. IT... IT... IT IS, ACTUALLY.
YOU SEE, EVERY YEAR, WE PICK
A BOOK TO READ AND DISCUSS.
IT'S... IT'S BEEN SORT OF A
BONDING THING BETWEEN US, AND...
GOSH, YOU KNOW,
I... I HATE TO BRAG,
BUT FR-FREDDY REALLY IS A
VERY ARTICULATE YOUNG MAN. HMM.
YES. VERY IMAGINATIVE, YEAH.
N-NOT TO MENTION, UH, WHAT A
GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR HE HAS.
OH, THAT REMINDS ME, FRASIER. ALICE
SAID THE CUTEST THING THIS MORNING...
OH, BE CAREFUL, ROZ. YOU DON'T WANT
TO TURN INTO ONE OF THOSE MOTHERS
WHO BORES EVERYBODY
TALKING ABOUT HER CHILD.
[crowd cheering on T.V.] AT
LEVEL 7, GRAB THE BIO-SUIT
AND THEN TELEPORT
TO THE ACID TANK.
REALLY?
HEY, GRANDPA, PUT
ON M.T.V. CHANNEL 46.
ALL RIGHT.
♪ [hip-hop music playing]
♪ ALL THE FELLOWS
AND THE LADIES ♪
OH, GEEZ! WHAT IS THIS?
THEY'RE HALF-NUDE!
IT'S JUST NOT RIGHT.
I SAW THIS ONE ALREADY.
♪ [song continues playing]
WELL, HELLO, DAD.
[laughing] FREDDY! COME
GIVE YOUR DAD A HUG!
I'LL CALL YOU BACK.
[laughing] GOSH, IT'S SO
GOOD TO SEE YOU! OH!
WELL, SO, HOW WAS
YOUR FLIGHT, HMM?
[exclaims noncommittally]
GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
DID YOU, UH, GET ALL
YOUR UNPACKING DONE?
YEAH. (Frasier) GREAT.
GOSH, FREDDY, I'VE BEEN REALLY
LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING YOU.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO FIRST?
WHATEVER.
[phone ringing]
HELLO? HEY, ZACK.
HANG ON, LET ME
GET SOME PRIVACY.
♪ [hip-hop song
continues playing]
WELL...
THAT'S CERTAINLY NOT THE
GREETING I WAS EXPECTING.
I'VE NEVER SEEN SUCH DANCING.
WHAT DO YOU THINK THOSE
SHORTS ARE MADE OF?
SOME SORT OF...
STEEL MESH.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WATCHING?
[stammering]
IT'S FREDDY'S PROGRAM.
GOOD LORD!
YOU KNOW...
HE DOESN'T SEEM
VERY HAPPY TO BE HERE.
HE HARDLY SAID 2 WORDS TO ME.
OH, IT'S PERFECTLY
NORMAL. YOU'RE HIS DAD.
KIDS THAT AGE DON'T
WANT TO TALK TO THEIR DAD.
I NEVER STOPPED TALKING TO YOU.
[sighing] I KNOW, BUDDY.
EVENING.
(Frasier) OH, HI, DAPH.
DINNER WILL BE READY
SOON. NILES IS JOINING US.
GOOD, GOOD.
SAY, UH, DAPHNE, UM...
DID FREDDY SAY
ANYTHING IN THE CAR?
NOT REALLY. WE PUT
YOUR SHOW ON THE RADIO.
HEARD ROZ GIVE THAT CALLER
THE BUSINESS. OH, YEAH.
[doorbell ringing]
(Daphne) OH, I'LL GET
THAT. ALL RIGHT, THEN.
YOU KNOW, IT'S A PITY SHE
HASN'T FOUND SOMEONE TO LOVE.
MMM. I MEAN, WHAT
COULD BE SADDER
THAN GROWING OLD ALONE? MMM.
YEAH, I... I WASN'T TALKING
ABOUT YOU, DR. CRANE.
YOU'VE GOT YOUR
FATHER TO GROW OLD WITH.
AH, YES.
NILES, HI. HELLO.
SAY, NILES, I... I DIDN'T
MISS A SQUASH DATE, DID I?
UH, NO, NO, NO, I WAS PLAYING
WITH JACK BETCHER FROM THE CLUB.
OH! AND HE PUMMELED ME BUT GOOD.
FROM NOW ON, I'LL STICK
TO PLAYING YOU. ALL RIGHT.
WHERE'S FREDDY? I CAN'T WAIT TO
SEE HIM. OH, OH, I'LL GO AND GET HIM!
YOU ALWAYS SMELL SO MASCULINE
AFTER YOU'VE FINISHED EXERCISING.
OH.
IT'S THE MANGO-KIWI SHOWER GEL.
[doorbell ringing]
[door opening]
OH, HI, THERE. OH, HELLO.
I'M JACK. I JUST
DROPPED NILES OFF.
(Niles) JACK?
YOU LEFT THIS IN MY
CAR. OH, THANK YOU.
UH, JACK, THIS IS
DAPHNE, MY GIRLFRIEND.
OH, YOU'RE A FINE-LOOKING
ONE, AREN'T YOU?
I DON'T KNOW.
MODEST. THAT'S GOOD.
I DON'T SEE A WEDDING
RING. YOU SINGLE? YES.
LOOKING? SURE.
FOR A WOMAN? RIGHT.
EMPLOYED?
A SURGEON.
MMM! IMPRESSIVE. THANKS!
YEAH. OK.
WELL, UH, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU
AGAIN, JACK, THANKS. GOODBYE.
WHAT'S HAPPENING? I THINK I'M
HAVING SOME KIND OF STROKE.
ROZ IS LONELY, SO I THOUGHT I'D
TRY AND SET HER UP WITH SOMEONE.
OH! MAYBE JACK?
HMM, THERE'S A
THOUGHT. OK, I GET IT NOW.
HERE WE ARE. OH.
UM, HELLO, FREDDY.
HI, UNCLE NILES.
DAPHNE, WOULD YOU
GIVE US A MOMENT?
SURE.
FREDDY, ABOUT WHAT
YOU JUST SAW, UH...
I KNOW YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD
SPECIAL FEELINGS FOR DAPHNE
AND THERE'S SOMETHING
I NEED TO TELL YOU.
I ALREADY KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS.
OH. UH...
AND YOU'RE OK WITH THAT?
I LIKED HER WHEN
I WAS A LITTLE KID.
I'M OVER IT NOW.
I MEAN, SHE'S, LIKE, 100.
SHE MOST CERTAINLY IS NOT. IT JUST
BURNS YOU UP THAT I GOT HER AND...
NILES.
WHY DON'T YOU GET US
BOTH SOME SHERRY, HMM?
WELL, FREDDY, YOU KNOW, I...
I'VE MADE SOME WONDERFUL PLANS
FOR OUR TIME TOGETHER, UH...
UH, I'VE ALREADY CHOSEN THE
BOOK WE'RE GOING TO READ.
I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT.
PUBLISHED IN 1854,
THIS PAEAN TO SELF-SUFFICIENCY
WAS KNOWN AS THE CORNERSTONE
OF THE TRANSCENDENTAL MOVEMENT.
[exclaiming]
YES, YES, YES, NILES, I'LL
LET YOU GET THE NEXT ONE.
FREDDY, ANY THOUGHTS?
NO.
NILES?
IT'S WALDEN BY
HENRY DAVID THOREAU.
OF COURSE IT IS.
"IT IS LIFE NEAR THE BONE
WHERE IT IS SWEETEST."
SHOULD BE THE SOURCE OF MUCH
LIVELY DISCUSSION, WOULDN'T YOU SAY?
I DON'T KNOW.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST TALK
ABOUT IT WITH UNCLE NILES?
OH, YES.
WELL, UH, YES, IF... IF
THAT'S WHAT YOU'D LIKE.
WE'LL DISCUSS IT TOGETHER!
"IF THE ENGINE
WHISTLES, LET IT WHISTLE
TILL IT IS HOARSE
FOR ITS PAINS."
OH, SHUT UP, NILES.
[door opening]
HEY, HOW WAS THE COMPUTER EXPO?
OK.
[groans]
SAY, FREDDY, WHY
DON'T YOU TELL GRANDPA
ABOUT THE NEW VIRTUAL REALITY...
(Frasier) AND HE'S GONE.
SO, DID YOU HAVE FUN?
OH, YEAH. IT WAS A BLAST.
HE SPENT THE ENTIRE
TIME TRYING TO DITCH ME.
YOU KNOW,
I ONLY GET TO SEE
FREDDY A FEW TIMES A YEAR
AND USUALLY WE
MAKE THE MOST OF IT.
NOW ALL HE WANTS TO DO IS
PLAY THAT DAMN COMPUTER GAME.
(Martin) WELL, YOU KNOW, FRASE,
HE'S NOT MUCH DIFFERENT
THAN YOU WERE AT THAT AGE
EXCEPT INSTEAD OF VIDEO
SCREENS AND ELECTRONICS,
YOU ALWAYS HAD
YOUR HEAD IN BOOKS.
THAT'S ENTIRELY DIFFERENT, DAD.
NO, IT ISN'T.
WE COULDN'T GET
YOU TO DO ANYTHING.
YOU KNOW, I REMEMBER WHEN
YOU READ THAT WALDEN BOOK.
IT WAS ON THE
FAMILY CAMPING TRIP.
SO? WHAT BETTER TIME
TO READ ABOUT NATURE?
WELL, THAT'S JUST IT.
WHILE YOU WERE IN THE CABIN READING
ABOUT IT, WE WERE OUTSIDE ENJOYING IT.
YOU'D RATHER READ ABOUT SOMETHING
THAN EXPERIENCE IT FIRSTHAND.
YOU KNOW, MY MENTOR
REMARKED ON THAT VERY THING.
[sighing]
FREDDY.
FREDDY, I'VE MADE A DECISION.
[authoritatively] WE ARE
GOING TO THE WOODS.
[defensively] WHAT FOR?
WE ARE GOING CAMPING.
IT'LL BE GOOD FOR
THE BOTH OF US.
BUT I DON'T WANT TO.
TOO BAD!
IT'LL BE FUN. FATHERS AND SONS
SHOULD DO FUN THINGS TOGETHER!
YOU AND GRANDPA DON'T
DO FUN THINGS TOGETHER.
HEY, LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS.
THAT'S WHY HE'S
COMING ALONG AS WELL.
THERE WILL BE NO T.V., THERE
WILL BE NO ELECTRONICS,
THERE WILL BE NO DISTRACTIONS.
JUST 3 GENERATIONS OF CRANES
COOKING OVER A FIRE AND
SLEEPING UNDER THE STARS.
WE LEAVE AT DAYBREAK!
GOOD WORK, FREDDY!
[door opening]
[birds chirping]
OH, WHAT AN IDYLLIC SPOT.
I'M ALREADY BEGINNING
TO FEEL LIKE THOREAU.
WE CAN'T SLEEP
HERE. THIS PLACE BITES.
IT... IT DOES NOT BITE.
"IT IS SHELTER, AS
GOOD AS THE BEST,
AND SUFFICIENT FOR ITS
COARSER AND SIMPLER WANTS."
IS THAT YOU TALKING, OR THAT
GUY FROM WHERE'S WALDEN?
[laughing] GOOD ONE, FREDDY.
[laughing]
YES, YOU KNOW, THE 2 OF YOU MAY WANT TO
IMMORTALIZE THIS GOOD-NATURED RAILLERY
IN THESE JOURNALS
THAT I BOUGHT FOR YOU.
THANKS, BUT I WOULDN'T
KNOW WHAT TO WRITE.
WELL, DAD, YOU SIMPLY WRITE
DOWN YOUR EXPERIENCES.
I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
FREDDY, I... I DON'T
SEE A BATHROOM. HMM.
YOU'RE SURROUNDED
BY 50,000 ACRES OF IT.
[guffawing] HOW QUAINTLY RUSTIC.
YES, FREDERICK, JUST PICK A
TREE AND MAKE IT YOUR OWN.
SO, DAD, I THOUGHT WE MIGHT
DO, UH, AN ACTIVITY LATER.
WHAT KIND OF ACTIVITY?
OH, I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE
PRESS SOME LEAVES,
OR... OR WHITTLE A BIRD CALL
AND SEE IF WE CAN LURE
SOME FINCHES TO OUR SILL.
[sighing]
TAKE IT EASY, NOW. WE WANT TO
SAVE SOMETHING FOR TOMORROW.
DAD, COULD YOU PLEASE BE A LITTLE
MORE SUPPORTIVE? WELL, I'D LIKE TO,
BUT I TRIED TO GET YOU TO
COME CAMPING A MILLION TIMES
AND YOU HAD TO WAIT TILL
THE PLAYOFFS WERE ON.
DAD, YOU CAN WATCH
THE PLAYOFFS ALL YEAR.
[huffs]
THE KIDS AT THE NEXT CAMPSITE
BUILT A ROPE SWING. CAN I GO OVER?
DON'T SEE WHY NOT. THANKS.
[door closing]
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
IT'S JUST A ROPE SWING.
WAIT TILL HE SEES US DRYING LEAVES
IN THE SUN. HE'LL COME RUNNING.
YOU KNOW, I'M JUST ABOUT
FED UP WITH YOUR SARCASM.
I'M TRYING TO DO SOME FATHER-SON
BONDING HERE, SO WILL YOU JUST BUTT OUT?
YOU KNOW WHAT? I JUST THOUGHT
OF SOMETHING TO WRITE IN THIS THING.
[door opening]
(Roz) THIS IS A BAD IDEA.
MY HAIR IS FLAT.
I NEVER HAVE A GOOD
DATE WHEN MY HAIR IS FLAT.
IF IT'S FLAT AFTER,
THAT'S A GOOD DATE.
[doorbell ringing]
YOUR HAIR'S NOT FLAT, ROZ.
IT'S... IT'S DELIGHTFULLY FRIZZY.
OH.
(Daphne) HELLO.
(Jack) HI.
HEY, JACK, COME IN.
YOU REMEMBER DAPHNE? YES.
THIS IS ROZ.
HI, JACK. HI.
SO, UH, WHERE ARE YOU
TWO GOING FOR DINNER?
I THOUGHT WE'D TRY THE PERGOLA.
THEY HAVE A GARDEN PATIO.
UNLESS YOU'D RATHER EAT INSIDE?
I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET COLD.
OH, DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT THAT.
[chuckling]
COME ON, ROZ. I HAVE A COUPLE
OF WRAPS. YOU CAN BORROW ONE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? SHE'S PRETTY.
YOU KNOW, I SHOULD CHECK
MY SERVICE BEFORE WE GO.
OH, OK. CAN I POUR
YOU SOME WINE? SURE.
[cell phone beeps]
(Jack) IT'S DR. BETCHER.
REALLY? WELL, ISN'T DR. UNGER ON
CALL? I'M KIND OF BUSY RIGHT NOW.
ALL RIGHT. I'M ON MY WAY.
THERE'S AN EMERGENCY WITH
ONE OF MY POST-OP PATIENTS.
PLEASE TELL ROZ
I'M REALLY SORRY.
OF COURSE. THANKS, NILES.
YEAH, GOOD LUCK.
WE NEED A MAN'S OPINION.
THE VELVET TRIM OR
THE MULTICOLORED?
WHERE'S JACK? HE LEFT.
HE LEFT? IT WAS AN EMERGENCY.
WHAT KIND OF AN EMERGENCY?
LIKE, "HE SAW ME AND THOUGHT
I WAS A DOG" EMERGENCY?
NO, NO, NO, HE SAID
YOU WERE PRETTY.
THAT'S IT?
W-WELL, HE FLEW OUT OF HERE
AS SOON AS YOU LEFT THE ROOM.
OH, GOD, HE WAS JUST TRYING
TO GET OUT OF THIS DATE.
I'VE BEEN DUMPED!
OH, I'M SURE YOU WEREN'T DUMPED.
HE WAS PAGED, RIGHT, NILES?
OH, YEAH, THE OLD
FAKE PAGE ROUTINE.
NO, NO, NO, NOT EVEN.
HE ACTUALLY CALLED IN.
I SHOULD GO.
OH, WE UNDERSTAND.
YOU WANNA BE ALONE.
NO, ROZ, I WON'T HEAR OF IT.
YOU'LL STAY RIGHT HERE WITH US.
OH, I DON'T WANNA BE A PAIN. YOU
GUYS HAVE A BIG EVENING PLANNED.
ROZ, YOU ARE SO CONSIDERATE.
WE CAN HAVE AN
EVENING ANY OLD TIME.
YOU'LL STAY FOR
DINNER. ALL RIGHT.
ALLOW ME.
BUT WHAT ARE WE HAVING?
'CAUSE I DON'T LIKE FISH.
[door opening]
OH, FREDDY, THERE YOU
ARE. THANK GOODNESS.
CAN I HAVE DINNER WITH THESE
GUYS? THEY'RE HAVING SLOPPY JOES.
I'M SORRY, BUT FREDERICK IS GOING TO BE
HAVING DINNER WITH HIS FAMILY THIS EVENING.
COME ON, DAD.
IT'S OK. COME BY LATER.
WE'RE MAKING S'MORES.
YES, WE'LL SEE. ALL RIGHT,
NOW, OFF YOU GO, YOUNG PEOPLE.
JUST... JUST SIT DOWN,
FREDERICK, AND EAT YOUR MEAL.
YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME?
I GUESS.
WHAT DID YOU DO?
WE PLAYED SOME FRISBEE. HMM!
IT SUCKED WITH ALL
THOSE TREES IN THE WAY.
YES, WELL,
PERHAPS ONE DAY, CIVILIZATION
WILL CUT DOWN ALL THOSE TREES
AND PAVE OVER THIS
GRAND WILDERNESS.
THEN YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS CAN
PLAY FRISBEE WITHOUT CONSTRAINT.
HOW WOULD THAT BE?
I DON'T KNOW.
I'M DONE. CAN I GO NOW? NO!
WHY NOT? BECAUSE THIS
IS YOUR FIRST CAMPING TRIP
AND WE'RE GOING TO
ENJOY IT TOGETHER.
THIS ISN'T MY
FIRST CAMPING TRIP.
YOU NEVER TOLD ME THAT.
I DON'T TELL YOU A
LOT OF THINGS. OH.
I SEE.
WELL, YOU MAY GO.
[crickets chirruping]
[door closes]
SO...
HE'S BEEN CAMPING BEFORE.
INSTEAD OF THIS BEING
SOMETHING SPECIAL BETWEEN US,
IT'S JUST ANOTHER
THING I'VE MISSED OUT ON.
THIS TRIP WAS A BUST
FROM THE GET-GO.
WE LEAVE AT DAYBREAK!
WHAT'S WITH YOU AND DAYBREAK?
I'M GONNA SEE IF THOSE KIDS HAVE A
GENEROUS GRANDPA WITH A 6-PACK.
SIT.
[cutlery clinking]
(Daphne) I ONCE DATED A
GUY WHO WAS SO GRABBY,
I JUMPED OUT OF HIS CAR
WHILE IT WAS STILL MOVING.
[laughing]
DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT
THIS JERK NAMED NICK?
I DATED A NICK!
[doorbell ringing]
MY NICK HAD A SILENT "G" AT
THE BEGINNING OF HIS NAME.
HE WAS VIETNAMESE.
I WONDER WHO THIS COULD BE.
OH! WHAT AN INCREDIBLE SURPRISE.
IT'S HANS. HANS, COME IN.
ROZ, DAPHNE, THIS IS HANS.
HE'S A DOCTOR FROM MY BUILDING.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
HELLO, HANS. WHAT BRINGS YOU BY?
I'M A FRIEND OF FRASIER.
UH, I WAS DOWNSTAIRS, SO I
THOUGHT I'D POP BY, SEE IF HE WAS IN.
YEAH, WELL, HE'S NOT.
BUT STILL, YOU COULD
STAY FOR A DRINK.
WHY DON'T YOU COME
HERE, SIT NEXT TO ROZ?
NILES, HELP ME FIX
THOSE DRINKS, WILL YOU?
YES, DEAR.
DOCTOR, MY EYE!
THAT'S TED, THE
MORON FROM THE DELI.
ARE YOU SURE? OH, STOP IT!
YOU INVITED HIM
OVER HERE FOR ROZ.
WELL, SHE'S IN NO MOOD TO BE
TRIFLED WITH, AND NEITHER AM I.
I'M SORRY. I WAS TRYING TO HELP.
YEAH, WELL, IF YOU WANT
TO HELP, GET RID OF HIM.
LOVE YOU.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS, DAPHNE?
ROZ, I AM SO SORRY. THIS
EVENING'S BEEN A DISASTER.
NO, I MEAN, THINGS
ARE LOOKING UP.
HANS AND I ARE
REALLY HITTING IT OFF.
DO YOU HAVE ANY MINTS IN HERE?
UH, TRY THE CUPBOARDS. THANKS.
I HAVE A REALLY GOOD
FEELING ABOUT HANS.
HE'S VERY FUNNY.
HE JUST TOLD ME HE WAS
CHIEF DOCTOR OF BRAINIATRICS.
WHERE DID HE GO?
I... I GAVE HIM THE
BOOT. HE'S GONE.
WHO'S GONE?
HANS. HE HAD AN EMERGENCY.
[groaning] YOU'VE GOT
TO BE KIDDING ME!
OH, ROZ... I THOUGHT
THIS ONE LIKED ME.
MAN, I'VE DRIVEN AWAY
2 DOCTORS IN ONE NIGHT!
NO, UH, HANS IS JUST THE...
THE MEAT SLICER FROM THE DELI.
AND THAT'S SUPPOSED
TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER?
OH, GOD, I JUST WANT TO PUT
THIS WHOLE NIGHT BEHIND ME.
I DON'T BLAME YOU ONE BIT.
I... I'M SURE IT'LL ALL LOOK
BETTER IN THE MORNING.
I SURE HOPE SO.
YOU TWO HAVE LISTENED TO ENOUGH
OF MY PROBLEMS FOR ONE NIGHT.
(Niles) SURE.
[sonar pinging on T.V.]
OH, LOOK, TITANIC JUST STARTED.
HMM.
[in eerie voice] WHEN YOU HEAR THAT
SCRATCHING AT YOUR WINDOW LATE AT NIGHT,
REMEMBER THAT YOUNG COUPLE...
[hissing sharply] AND FORK HAND!
[groans]
OH, COME ON, THAT'S SCARY STUFF.
I TOLD THAT TO DUKE LAST SUMMER
AND HE WET HIS SLEEPING BAG.
WAIT A MINUTE.
ISN'T THIS DUKE'S SLEEPING BAG?
NOW YOU'RE SCARED.
[both laughing]
OH, GOSH, DAD.
I'M SORRY I SNAPPED
AT YOU EARLIER.
OH.
YOU KNOW, I GUESS I
WAS JUST HOPING THIS TRIP
MIGHT GIVE ME AND
FREDERICK SOME SORT OF...
I DON'T KNOW,
GOLDEN MOMENT.
I GUESS I'M JUST DISAPPOINTED.
I KNOW.
BUT, YOU KNOW, NONE OF THIS
WOULD BE HAPPENING IF WE HAD A T.V.
HMM?
T.V. MAKES EVERYONE GET ALONG.
(Martin) OH, HEY, BUDDY.
(Frasier) HI, FRED.
WELL, I'LL JUST
TAKE A LITTLE WALK.
ALL RIGHT. SEE
YOU IN A BIT, DAD.
(Martin) ALL RIGHT.
[crickets chirruping]
FREDERICK, WE'RE GOING TO
BE LEAVING IN THE MORNING.
BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO.
NO? I THOUGHT YOU'D BE DYING
TO GET BACK TO YOUR GAMEBOY.
WELL, YEAH, BUT I
KIND OF MADE PLANS.
OH, REALLY? WITH WHO?
NOBODY.
OH, THEN YOU DON'T
HAVE PLANS. WE LEAVE AT...
9:00-ISH.
OK, FINE. I HAVE
PLANS WITH MELODY.
THE S'MORES GIRL?
YEAH.
SHE'S CUTE.
SHE'S A CHEERLEADER.
[laughing] HO... HO!
I REMEMBER A PARTICULAR
CHEERLEADER FROM MY YOUTH.
LORNA.
[longingly] SHE WAS
A BEAUTIFUL GIRL.
IN FACT, I WAS SO
INTIMIDATED BY HER,
I... I COULD NEVER EVEN WORK UP
THE COURAGE TO APPROACH HER. I...
DAD.
I KISSED HER.
OH.
(Frederick) I KNOW.
IT WAS HER FIRST TIME.
(Frasier) WOW.
IT WAS MY FIRST TIME, TOO.
I SEE.
DON'T TELL MOM ABOUT THIS, OK?
SHE'D ASK ALL KINDS
OF STUPID QUESTIONS.
DON'T WORRY, SON.
IT'S JUST BETWEEN YOU AND ME.
YOU KNOW, I THINK I'LL WRITE
FOR A WHILE BEFORE BED.
WHOA! WHAT...
DID YOU SEE THE STUFF THAT
GRANDPA WROTE ABOUT YOU?
GIVE ME THAT!
(Frasier) ♪ HEY, BABY, I
HEAR THE BLUES A-CALLIN' ♪
♪ TOSSED SALADS
AND SCRAMBLED EGGS ♪
QUITE STYLISH
♪ AND MAYBE, I SEEM
A BIT CONFUSED ♪
♪ WELL, MAYBE, BUT
I GOT YOU PEGGED ♪
[laughing]
♪ BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ♪
♪ WITH THOSE TOSSED
SALADS AND SCRAMBLED EGGS ♪
♪ THEY'RE CALLIN' AGAIN ♪
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY!
WE HAVE CLEO FROM
REDMOND ON LINE 3.
[clicking]
HELLO, CLEO, I'M LISTENING.
(Cleo) HI, DR. CRANE.
I'VE BEEN DATING
3 DIFFERENT GUYS
AND I CAN'T CHOOSE BETWEEN THEM.
IS IT THAT YOU CAN'T CHOOSE,
OR YOU DON'T WANT TO CHOOSE?
IT'S JUST HARD.
ONE'S REALLY FUNNY,
ONE'S ADVENTUROUS, AND ONE'S
SENSITIVE. THEY'RE ALL GORGEOUS, TOO.
OH, EXCUSE ME, CLEO.
THIS SHOW IS FOR PEOPLE
WITH REAL PROBLEMS.
ROZ.
UM, IT... IT SOUNDS TO
ME AS IF EACH SUITOR
POSSESSES ONE
QUALITY THAT YOU ADMIRE.
RATHER THAN CHOOSE AMONG THEM,
WHY NOT TRY TO FIND ONE PERSON
WHO FITS ALL YOUR CRITERIA?
WHY DON'T YOU CALL BACK WHEN
YOU'RE A WORKING SINGLE MOTHER
WHOSE CHOICE IN DATES IS
BETWEEN A GUY WITH 8 TEETH
AND A GUY WHOSE
HAIR IS PAINTED ON?
SADLY, WE'RE OUT OF TIME.
THIS IS DR. FRASIER CRANE
SAYING GOOD DAY, SEATTLE,
AND GOOD MENTAL HEALTH,
UNLESS, OF COURSE, ROZ
HAS A PROBLEM WITH THAT.
IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG, ROZ?
BECAUSE IF THERE IS,
WE SHOULD DISCUSS IT
BEFORE IT BLEEDS INTO YOUR WORK.
I'M SORRY.
I'M JUST SICK OF HEARING PEOPLE
COMPLAIN ABOUT THEIR LOVE LIVES
WHILE I FACE ANOTHER
WEEKEND WITHOUT PLANS.
WELL, I EMPATHIZE, BUT...
I KNOW! LOOK WHO I'M TELLING!
IT SO HAPPENS I HAVE
BIG PLANS THIS WEEKEND.
LET ME GUESS.
YOU AND NILES ARE PLAYING YOUR
ZITHERS AGAIN AT THE RENAISSANCE FAIR.
GET REAL, ROZ.
THE RENAISSANCE FAIR IS A
FORTNIGHT AFTER ST. SWITHIN'S DAY.
NO, MY SON IS COMING TO TOWN.
IN... IN FACT, DAD AND DAPHNE SHOULD BE
PICKING HIM UP AT THE AIRPORT RIGHT NOW.
I DIDN'T KNOW FREDDY WAS COMING.
WELL, IT WAS SORT OF
LAST-MINUTE, ACTUALLY.
YOU KNOW, YOU REMEMBER I
HAD THAT REUNION OF SORTS
WITH MY OLD COLLEGE
MENTOR, DR. TEWKSBURY?
WELL, IT LED TO A LOT
OF SOUL-SEARCHING.
HE HELPED ME TO REALIZE
THAT I'VE BEEN DEFINING
MYSELF BY MY CAREER
AND IT'S TIME THAT I
REARRANGE MY PRIORITIES.
AND MY FIRST PRIORITY IS MY SON.
WHAT IS HE NOW, 12?
NO, 13, ROZ. (Roz) WOW.
GOSH, YOU KNOW, THE
YEARS REALLY HAVE FLOWN BY.
I FEEL LIKE I'VE MISSED SO MUCH.
SO WHAT ARE YOU GUYS GONNA DO?
OH, LOTS OF THINGS. I THOUGHT
WE'D GO AND SEE A PLAY,
AND, UH, MAYBE TAKE IN THE COMPUTER
SHOW, HE'D LOVE THAT, AND, UH...
OH, I'VE DECIDED WE ARE GOING
TO READ WALDEN TOGETHER.
SOME VACATION. NO, NO,
ROZ. IT... IT... IT IS, ACTUALLY.
YOU SEE, EVERY YEAR, WE PICK
A BOOK TO READ AND DISCUSS.
IT'S... IT'S BEEN SORT OF A
BONDING THING BETWEEN US, AND...
GOSH, YOU KNOW,
I... I HATE TO BRAG,
BUT FR-FREDDY REALLY IS A
VERY ARTICULATE YOUNG MAN. HMM.
YES. VERY IMAGINATIVE, YEAH.
N-NOT TO MENTION, UH, WHAT A
GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR HE HAS.
OH, THAT REMINDS ME, FRASIER. ALICE
SAID THE CUTEST THING THIS MORNING...
OH, BE CAREFUL, ROZ. YOU DON'T WANT
TO TURN INTO ONE OF THOSE MOTHERS
WHO BORES EVERYBODY
TALKING ABOUT HER CHILD.
[crowd cheering on T.V.] AT
LEVEL 7, GRAB THE BIO-SUIT
AND THEN TELEPORT
TO THE ACID TANK.
REALLY?
HEY, GRANDPA, PUT
ON M.T.V. CHANNEL 46.
ALL RIGHT.
♪ [hip-hop music playing]
♪ ALL THE FELLOWS
AND THE LADIES ♪
OH, GEEZ! WHAT IS THIS?
THEY'RE HALF-NUDE!
IT'S JUST NOT RIGHT.
I SAW THIS ONE ALREADY.
♪ [song continues playing]
WELL, HELLO, DAD.
[laughing] FREDDY! COME
GIVE YOUR DAD A HUG!
I'LL CALL YOU BACK.
[laughing] GOSH, IT'S SO
GOOD TO SEE YOU! OH!
WELL, SO, HOW WAS
YOUR FLIGHT, HMM?
[exclaims noncommittally]
GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
DID YOU, UH, GET ALL
YOUR UNPACKING DONE?
YEAH. (Frasier) GREAT.
GOSH, FREDDY, I'VE BEEN REALLY
LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING YOU.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO FIRST?
WHATEVER.
[phone ringing]
HELLO? HEY, ZACK.
HANG ON, LET ME
GET SOME PRIVACY.
♪ [hip-hop song
continues playing]
WELL...
THAT'S CERTAINLY NOT THE
GREETING I WAS EXPECTING.
I'VE NEVER SEEN SUCH DANCING.
WHAT DO YOU THINK THOSE
SHORTS ARE MADE OF?
SOME SORT OF...
STEEL MESH.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WATCHING?
[stammering]
IT'S FREDDY'S PROGRAM.
GOOD LORD!
YOU KNOW...
HE DOESN'T SEEM
VERY HAPPY TO BE HERE.
HE HARDLY SAID 2 WORDS TO ME.
OH, IT'S PERFECTLY
NORMAL. YOU'RE HIS DAD.
KIDS THAT AGE DON'T
WANT TO TALK TO THEIR DAD.
I NEVER STOPPED TALKING TO YOU.
[sighing] I KNOW, BUDDY.
EVENING.
(Frasier) OH, HI, DAPH.
DINNER WILL BE READY
SOON. NILES IS JOINING US.
GOOD, GOOD.
SAY, UH, DAPHNE, UM...
DID FREDDY SAY
ANYTHING IN THE CAR?
NOT REALLY. WE PUT
YOUR SHOW ON THE RADIO.
HEARD ROZ GIVE THAT CALLER
THE BUSINESS. OH, YEAH.
[doorbell ringing]
(Daphne) OH, I'LL GET
THAT. ALL RIGHT, THEN.
YOU KNOW, IT'S A PITY SHE
HASN'T FOUND SOMEONE TO LOVE.
MMM. I MEAN, WHAT
COULD BE SADDER
THAN GROWING OLD ALONE? MMM.
YEAH, I... I WASN'T TALKING
ABOUT YOU, DR. CRANE.
YOU'VE GOT YOUR
FATHER TO GROW OLD WITH.
AH, YES.
NILES, HI. HELLO.
SAY, NILES, I... I DIDN'T
MISS A SQUASH DATE, DID I?
UH, NO, NO, NO, I WAS PLAYING
WITH JACK BETCHER FROM THE CLUB.
OH! AND HE PUMMELED ME BUT GOOD.
FROM NOW ON, I'LL STICK
TO PLAYING YOU. ALL RIGHT.
WHERE'S FREDDY? I CAN'T WAIT TO
SEE HIM. OH, OH, I'LL GO AND GET HIM!
YOU ALWAYS SMELL SO MASCULINE
AFTER YOU'VE FINISHED EXERCISING.
OH.
IT'S THE MANGO-KIWI SHOWER GEL.
[doorbell ringing]
[door opening]
OH, HI, THERE. OH, HELLO.
I'M JACK. I JUST
DROPPED NILES OFF.
(Niles) JACK?
YOU LEFT THIS IN MY
CAR. OH, THANK YOU.
UH, JACK, THIS IS
DAPHNE, MY GIRLFRIEND.
OH, YOU'RE A FINE-LOOKING
ONE, AREN'T YOU?
I DON'T KNOW.
MODEST. THAT'S GOOD.
I DON'T SEE A WEDDING
RING. YOU SINGLE? YES.
LOOKING? SURE.
FOR A WOMAN? RIGHT.
EMPLOYED?
A SURGEON.
MMM! IMPRESSIVE. THANKS!
YEAH. OK.
WELL, UH, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU
AGAIN, JACK, THANKS. GOODBYE.
WHAT'S HAPPENING? I THINK I'M
HAVING SOME KIND OF STROKE.
ROZ IS LONELY, SO I THOUGHT I'D
TRY AND SET HER UP WITH SOMEONE.
OH! MAYBE JACK?
HMM, THERE'S A
THOUGHT. OK, I GET IT NOW.
HERE WE ARE. OH.
UM, HELLO, FREDDY.
HI, UNCLE NILES.
DAPHNE, WOULD YOU
GIVE US A MOMENT?
SURE.
FREDDY, ABOUT WHAT
YOU JUST SAW, UH...
I KNOW YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD
SPECIAL FEELINGS FOR DAPHNE
AND THERE'S SOMETHING
I NEED TO TELL YOU.
I ALREADY KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS.
OH. UH...
AND YOU'RE OK WITH THAT?
I LIKED HER WHEN
I WAS A LITTLE KID.
I'M OVER IT NOW.
I MEAN, SHE'S, LIKE, 100.
SHE MOST CERTAINLY IS NOT. IT JUST
BURNS YOU UP THAT I GOT HER AND...
NILES.
WHY DON'T YOU GET US
BOTH SOME SHERRY, HMM?
WELL, FREDDY, YOU KNOW, I...
I'VE MADE SOME WONDERFUL PLANS
FOR OUR TIME TOGETHER, UH...
UH, I'VE ALREADY CHOSEN THE
BOOK WE'RE GOING TO READ.
I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT.
PUBLISHED IN 1854,
THIS PAEAN TO SELF-SUFFICIENCY
WAS KNOWN AS THE CORNERSTONE
OF THE TRANSCENDENTAL MOVEMENT.
[exclaiming]
YES, YES, YES, NILES, I'LL
LET YOU GET THE NEXT ONE.
FREDDY, ANY THOUGHTS?
NO.
NILES?
IT'S WALDEN BY
HENRY DAVID THOREAU.
OF COURSE IT IS.
"IT IS LIFE NEAR THE BONE
WHERE IT IS SWEETEST."
SHOULD BE THE SOURCE OF MUCH
LIVELY DISCUSSION, WOULDN'T YOU SAY?
I DON'T KNOW.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST TALK
ABOUT IT WITH UNCLE NILES?
OH, YES.
WELL, UH, YES, IF... IF
THAT'S WHAT YOU'D LIKE.
WE'LL DISCUSS IT TOGETHER!
"IF THE ENGINE
WHISTLES, LET IT WHISTLE
TILL IT IS HOARSE
FOR ITS PAINS."
OH, SHUT UP, NILES.
[door opening]
HEY, HOW WAS THE COMPUTER EXPO?
OK.
[groans]
SAY, FREDDY, WHY
DON'T YOU TELL GRANDPA
ABOUT THE NEW VIRTUAL REALITY...
(Frasier) AND HE'S GONE.
SO, DID YOU HAVE FUN?
OH, YEAH. IT WAS A BLAST.
HE SPENT THE ENTIRE
TIME TRYING TO DITCH ME.
YOU KNOW,
I ONLY GET TO SEE
FREDDY A FEW TIMES A YEAR
AND USUALLY WE
MAKE THE MOST OF IT.
NOW ALL HE WANTS TO DO IS
PLAY THAT DAMN COMPUTER GAME.
(Martin) WELL, YOU KNOW, FRASE,
HE'S NOT MUCH DIFFERENT
THAN YOU WERE AT THAT AGE
EXCEPT INSTEAD OF VIDEO
SCREENS AND ELECTRONICS,
YOU ALWAYS HAD
YOUR HEAD IN BOOKS.
THAT'S ENTIRELY DIFFERENT, DAD.
NO, IT ISN'T.
WE COULDN'T GET
YOU TO DO ANYTHING.
YOU KNOW, I REMEMBER WHEN
YOU READ THAT WALDEN BOOK.
IT WAS ON THE
FAMILY CAMPING TRIP.
SO? WHAT BETTER TIME
TO READ ABOUT NATURE?
WELL, THAT'S JUST IT.
WHILE YOU WERE IN THE CABIN READING
ABOUT IT, WE WERE OUTSIDE ENJOYING IT.
YOU'D RATHER READ ABOUT SOMETHING
THAN EXPERIENCE IT FIRSTHAND.
YOU KNOW, MY MENTOR
REMARKED ON THAT VERY THING.
[sighing]
FREDDY.
FREDDY, I'VE MADE A DECISION.
[authoritatively] WE ARE
GOING TO THE WOODS.
[defensively] WHAT FOR?
WE ARE GOING CAMPING.
IT'LL BE GOOD FOR
THE BOTH OF US.
BUT I DON'T WANT TO.
TOO BAD!
IT'LL BE FUN. FATHERS AND SONS
SHOULD DO FUN THINGS TOGETHER!
YOU AND GRANDPA DON'T
DO FUN THINGS TOGETHER.
HEY, LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS.
THAT'S WHY HE'S
COMING ALONG AS WELL.
THERE WILL BE NO T.V., THERE
WILL BE NO ELECTRONICS,
THERE WILL BE NO DISTRACTIONS.
JUST 3 GENERATIONS OF CRANES
COOKING OVER A FIRE AND
SLEEPING UNDER THE STARS.
WE LEAVE AT DAYBREAK!
GOOD WORK, FREDDY!
[door opening]
[birds chirping]
OH, WHAT AN IDYLLIC SPOT.
I'M ALREADY BEGINNING
TO FEEL LIKE THOREAU.
WE CAN'T SLEEP
HERE. THIS PLACE BITES.
IT... IT DOES NOT BITE.
"IT IS SHELTER, AS
GOOD AS THE BEST,
AND SUFFICIENT FOR ITS
COARSER AND SIMPLER WANTS."
IS THAT YOU TALKING, OR THAT
GUY FROM WHERE'S WALDEN?
[laughing] GOOD ONE, FREDDY.
[laughing]
YES, YOU KNOW, THE 2 OF YOU MAY WANT TO
IMMORTALIZE THIS GOOD-NATURED RAILLERY
IN THESE JOURNALS
THAT I BOUGHT FOR YOU.
THANKS, BUT I WOULDN'T
KNOW WHAT TO WRITE.
WELL, DAD, YOU SIMPLY WRITE
DOWN YOUR EXPERIENCES.
I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
FREDDY, I... I DON'T
SEE A BATHROOM. HMM.
YOU'RE SURROUNDED
BY 50,000 ACRES OF IT.
[guffawing] HOW QUAINTLY RUSTIC.
YES, FREDERICK, JUST PICK A
TREE AND MAKE IT YOUR OWN.
SO, DAD, I THOUGHT WE MIGHT
DO, UH, AN ACTIVITY LATER.
WHAT KIND OF ACTIVITY?
OH, I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE
PRESS SOME LEAVES,
OR... OR WHITTLE A BIRD CALL
AND SEE IF WE CAN LURE
SOME FINCHES TO OUR SILL.
[sighing]
TAKE IT EASY, NOW. WE WANT TO
SAVE SOMETHING FOR TOMORROW.
DAD, COULD YOU PLEASE BE A LITTLE
MORE SUPPORTIVE? WELL, I'D LIKE TO,
BUT I TRIED TO GET YOU TO
COME CAMPING A MILLION TIMES
AND YOU HAD TO WAIT TILL
THE PLAYOFFS WERE ON.
DAD, YOU CAN WATCH
THE PLAYOFFS ALL YEAR.
[huffs]
THE KIDS AT THE NEXT CAMPSITE
BUILT A ROPE SWING. CAN I GO OVER?
DON'T SEE WHY NOT. THANKS.
[door closing]
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
IT'S JUST A ROPE SWING.
WAIT TILL HE SEES US DRYING LEAVES
IN THE SUN. HE'LL COME RUNNING.
YOU KNOW, I'M JUST ABOUT
FED UP WITH YOUR SARCASM.
I'M TRYING TO DO SOME FATHER-SON
BONDING HERE, SO WILL YOU JUST BUTT OUT?
YOU KNOW WHAT? I JUST THOUGHT
OF SOMETHING TO WRITE IN THIS THING.
[door opening]
(Roz) THIS IS A BAD IDEA.
MY HAIR IS FLAT.
I NEVER HAVE A GOOD
DATE WHEN MY HAIR IS FLAT.
IF IT'S FLAT AFTER,
THAT'S A GOOD DATE.
[doorbell ringing]
YOUR HAIR'S NOT FLAT, ROZ.
IT'S... IT'S DELIGHTFULLY FRIZZY.
OH.
(Daphne) HELLO.
(Jack) HI.
HEY, JACK, COME IN.
YOU REMEMBER DAPHNE? YES.
THIS IS ROZ.
HI, JACK. HI.
SO, UH, WHERE ARE YOU
TWO GOING FOR DINNER?
I THOUGHT WE'D TRY THE PERGOLA.
THEY HAVE A GARDEN PATIO.
UNLESS YOU'D RATHER EAT INSIDE?
I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET COLD.
OH, DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT THAT.
[chuckling]
COME ON, ROZ. I HAVE A COUPLE
OF WRAPS. YOU CAN BORROW ONE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? SHE'S PRETTY.
YOU KNOW, I SHOULD CHECK
MY SERVICE BEFORE WE GO.
OH, OK. CAN I POUR
YOU SOME WINE? SURE.
[cell phone beeps]
(Jack) IT'S DR. BETCHER.
REALLY? WELL, ISN'T DR. UNGER ON
CALL? I'M KIND OF BUSY RIGHT NOW.
ALL RIGHT. I'M ON MY WAY.
THERE'S AN EMERGENCY WITH
ONE OF MY POST-OP PATIENTS.
PLEASE TELL ROZ
I'M REALLY SORRY.
OF COURSE. THANKS, NILES.
YEAH, GOOD LUCK.
WE NEED A MAN'S OPINION.
THE VELVET TRIM OR
THE MULTICOLORED?
WHERE'S JACK? HE LEFT.
HE LEFT? IT WAS AN EMERGENCY.
WHAT KIND OF AN EMERGENCY?
LIKE, "HE SAW ME AND THOUGHT
I WAS A DOG" EMERGENCY?
NO, NO, NO, HE SAID
YOU WERE PRETTY.
THAT'S IT?
W-WELL, HE FLEW OUT OF HERE
AS SOON AS YOU LEFT THE ROOM.
OH, GOD, HE WAS JUST TRYING
TO GET OUT OF THIS DATE.
I'VE BEEN DUMPED!
OH, I'M SURE YOU WEREN'T DUMPED.
HE WAS PAGED, RIGHT, NILES?
OH, YEAH, THE OLD
FAKE PAGE ROUTINE.
NO, NO, NO, NOT EVEN.
HE ACTUALLY CALLED IN.
I SHOULD GO.
OH, WE UNDERSTAND.
YOU WANNA BE ALONE.
NO, ROZ, I WON'T HEAR OF IT.
YOU'LL STAY RIGHT HERE WITH US.
OH, I DON'T WANNA BE A PAIN. YOU
GUYS HAVE A BIG EVENING PLANNED.
ROZ, YOU ARE SO CONSIDERATE.
WE CAN HAVE AN
EVENING ANY OLD TIME.
YOU'LL STAY FOR
DINNER. ALL RIGHT.
ALLOW ME.
BUT WHAT ARE WE HAVING?
'CAUSE I DON'T LIKE FISH.
[door opening]
OH, FREDDY, THERE YOU
ARE. THANK GOODNESS.
CAN I HAVE DINNER WITH THESE
GUYS? THEY'RE HAVING SLOPPY JOES.
I'M SORRY, BUT FREDERICK IS GOING TO BE
HAVING DINNER WITH HIS FAMILY THIS EVENING.
COME ON, DAD.
IT'S OK. COME BY LATER.
WE'RE MAKING S'MORES.
YES, WE'LL SEE. ALL RIGHT,
NOW, OFF YOU GO, YOUNG PEOPLE.
JUST... JUST SIT DOWN,
FREDERICK, AND EAT YOUR MEAL.
YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME?
I GUESS.
WHAT DID YOU DO?
WE PLAYED SOME FRISBEE. HMM!
IT SUCKED WITH ALL
THOSE TREES IN THE WAY.
YES, WELL,
PERHAPS ONE DAY, CIVILIZATION
WILL CUT DOWN ALL THOSE TREES
AND PAVE OVER THIS
GRAND WILDERNESS.
THEN YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS CAN
PLAY FRISBEE WITHOUT CONSTRAINT.
HOW WOULD THAT BE?
I DON'T KNOW.
I'M DONE. CAN I GO NOW? NO!
WHY NOT? BECAUSE THIS
IS YOUR FIRST CAMPING TRIP
AND WE'RE GOING TO
ENJOY IT TOGETHER.
THIS ISN'T MY
FIRST CAMPING TRIP.
YOU NEVER TOLD ME THAT.
I DON'T TELL YOU A
LOT OF THINGS. OH.
I SEE.
WELL, YOU MAY GO.
[crickets chirruping]
[door closes]
SO...
HE'S BEEN CAMPING BEFORE.
INSTEAD OF THIS BEING
SOMETHING SPECIAL BETWEEN US,
IT'S JUST ANOTHER
THING I'VE MISSED OUT ON.
THIS TRIP WAS A BUST
FROM THE GET-GO.
WE LEAVE AT DAYBREAK!
WHAT'S WITH YOU AND DAYBREAK?
I'M GONNA SEE IF THOSE KIDS HAVE A
GENEROUS GRANDPA WITH A 6-PACK.
SIT.
[cutlery clinking]
(Daphne) I ONCE DATED A
GUY WHO WAS SO GRABBY,
I JUMPED OUT OF HIS CAR
WHILE IT WAS STILL MOVING.
[laughing]
DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT
THIS JERK NAMED NICK?
I DATED A NICK!
[doorbell ringing]
MY NICK HAD A SILENT "G" AT
THE BEGINNING OF HIS NAME.
HE WAS VIETNAMESE.
I WONDER WHO THIS COULD BE.
OH! WHAT AN INCREDIBLE SURPRISE.
IT'S HANS. HANS, COME IN.
ROZ, DAPHNE, THIS IS HANS.
HE'S A DOCTOR FROM MY BUILDING.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
HELLO, HANS. WHAT BRINGS YOU BY?
I'M A FRIEND OF FRASIER.
UH, I WAS DOWNSTAIRS, SO I
THOUGHT I'D POP BY, SEE IF HE WAS IN.
YEAH, WELL, HE'S NOT.
BUT STILL, YOU COULD
STAY FOR A DRINK.
WHY DON'T YOU COME
HERE, SIT NEXT TO ROZ?
NILES, HELP ME FIX
THOSE DRINKS, WILL YOU?
YES, DEAR.
DOCTOR, MY EYE!
THAT'S TED, THE
MORON FROM THE DELI.
ARE YOU SURE? OH, STOP IT!
YOU INVITED HIM
OVER HERE FOR ROZ.
WELL, SHE'S IN NO MOOD TO BE
TRIFLED WITH, AND NEITHER AM I.
I'M SORRY. I WAS TRYING TO HELP.
YEAH, WELL, IF YOU WANT
TO HELP, GET RID OF HIM.
LOVE YOU.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS, DAPHNE?
ROZ, I AM SO SORRY. THIS
EVENING'S BEEN A DISASTER.
NO, I MEAN, THINGS
ARE LOOKING UP.
HANS AND I ARE
REALLY HITTING IT OFF.
DO YOU HAVE ANY MINTS IN HERE?
UH, TRY THE CUPBOARDS. THANKS.
I HAVE A REALLY GOOD
FEELING ABOUT HANS.
HE'S VERY FUNNY.
HE JUST TOLD ME HE WAS
CHIEF DOCTOR OF BRAINIATRICS.
WHERE DID HE GO?
I... I GAVE HIM THE
BOOT. HE'S GONE.
WHO'S GONE?
HANS. HE HAD AN EMERGENCY.
[groaning] YOU'VE GOT
TO BE KIDDING ME!
OH, ROZ... I THOUGHT
THIS ONE LIKED ME.
MAN, I'VE DRIVEN AWAY
2 DOCTORS IN ONE NIGHT!
NO, UH, HANS IS JUST THE...
THE MEAT SLICER FROM THE DELI.
AND THAT'S SUPPOSED
TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER?
OH, GOD, I JUST WANT TO PUT
THIS WHOLE NIGHT BEHIND ME.
I DON'T BLAME YOU ONE BIT.
I... I'M SURE IT'LL ALL LOOK
BETTER IN THE MORNING.
I SURE HOPE SO.
YOU TWO HAVE LISTENED TO ENOUGH
OF MY PROBLEMS FOR ONE NIGHT.
(Niles) SURE.
[sonar pinging on T.V.]
OH, LOOK, TITANIC JUST STARTED.
HMM.
[in eerie voice] WHEN YOU HEAR THAT
SCRATCHING AT YOUR WINDOW LATE AT NIGHT,
REMEMBER THAT YOUNG COUPLE...
[hissing sharply] AND FORK HAND!
[groans]
OH, COME ON, THAT'S SCARY STUFF.
I TOLD THAT TO DUKE LAST SUMMER
AND HE WET HIS SLEEPING BAG.
WAIT A MINUTE.
ISN'T THIS DUKE'S SLEEPING BAG?
NOW YOU'RE SCARED.
[both laughing]
OH, GOSH, DAD.
I'M SORRY I SNAPPED
AT YOU EARLIER.
OH.
YOU KNOW, I GUESS I
WAS JUST HOPING THIS TRIP
MIGHT GIVE ME AND
FREDERICK SOME SORT OF...
I DON'T KNOW,
GOLDEN MOMENT.
I GUESS I'M JUST DISAPPOINTED.
I KNOW.
BUT, YOU KNOW, NONE OF THIS
WOULD BE HAPPENING IF WE HAD A T.V.
HMM?
T.V. MAKES EVERYONE GET ALONG.
(Martin) OH, HEY, BUDDY.
(Frasier) HI, FRED.
WELL, I'LL JUST
TAKE A LITTLE WALK.
ALL RIGHT. SEE
YOU IN A BIT, DAD.
(Martin) ALL RIGHT.
[crickets chirruping]
FREDERICK, WE'RE GOING TO
BE LEAVING IN THE MORNING.
BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO.
NO? I THOUGHT YOU'D BE DYING
TO GET BACK TO YOUR GAMEBOY.
WELL, YEAH, BUT I
KIND OF MADE PLANS.
OH, REALLY? WITH WHO?
NOBODY.
OH, THEN YOU DON'T
HAVE PLANS. WE LEAVE AT...
9:00-ISH.
OK, FINE. I HAVE
PLANS WITH MELODY.
THE S'MORES GIRL?
YEAH.
SHE'S CUTE.
SHE'S A CHEERLEADER.
[laughing] HO... HO!
I REMEMBER A PARTICULAR
CHEERLEADER FROM MY YOUTH.
LORNA.
[longingly] SHE WAS
A BEAUTIFUL GIRL.
IN FACT, I WAS SO
INTIMIDATED BY HER,
I... I COULD NEVER EVEN WORK UP
THE COURAGE TO APPROACH HER. I...
DAD.
I KISSED HER.
OH.
(Frederick) I KNOW.
IT WAS HER FIRST TIME.
(Frasier) WOW.
IT WAS MY FIRST TIME, TOO.
I SEE.
DON'T TELL MOM ABOUT THIS, OK?
SHE'D ASK ALL KINDS
OF STUPID QUESTIONS.
DON'T WORRY, SON.
IT'S JUST BETWEEN YOU AND ME.
YOU KNOW, I THINK I'LL WRITE
FOR A WHILE BEFORE BED.
WHOA! WHAT...
DID YOU SEE THE STUFF THAT
GRANDPA WROTE ABOUT YOU?
GIVE ME THAT!
(Frasier) ♪ HEY, BABY, I
HEAR THE BLUES A-CALLIN' ♪
♪ TOSSED SALADS
AND SCRAMBLED EGGS ♪
QUITE STYLISH
♪ AND MAYBE, I SEEM
A BIT CONFUSED ♪
♪ WELL, MAYBE, BUT
I GOT YOU PEGGED ♪
[laughing]
♪ BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ♪
♪ WITH THOSE TOSSED
SALADS AND SCRAMBLED EGGS ♪
♪ THEY'RE CALLIN' AGAIN ♪
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY!