Frasier (1993–2004): Season 8, Episode 11 - Motor Skills - full transcript
Frasier and Niles realize their helplessness when Frasier's car stalls, so they enroll in an auto repair night class. They quickly fall behind, and understand what it's like to be remedial students. They then take the part too far and degenerate into class clowns and become disruptive. Martin helps Roz pick out a new puppy, but after dog-sitting a few times, he starts to take over the puppy as his own.
OH, CHELSEA, YOU ARE IN
FOR A RARE TREAT TONIGHT.
HMM. YOUR FIRST OPERA.
AND BEN HEPPNER IS
SINGING THE ROLE OF TRISTAN.
OH, THIS IS GONNA BE A
WHOLE NEW EXPERIENCE FOR ME.
WHY? YOU'VE NEVER
BEEN BORED BEFORE?
[car engine idles]
OH, DEAR,
THE CAR SEEMS TO HAVE STALLED.
[car engine sputtering]
OH, GREAT, NOW WHAT?
ALL RIGHT, LET'S NOT PANIC.
CHELSEA, IF YOU WOULD PLEASE
OPEN THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT.
YOU WILL FIND A FLASHLIGHT
AND A SMALL TOOL KIT.
AH.
REACH BEHIND THEM AND
HAND ME MY CELL PHONE.
I'M GOING TO CALL THE AUTO CLUB.
BY THE TIME THEY GET
HERE, WE'LL MISS THE OPERA.
YOU KNOW, MY EX-BOYFRIEND
USED TO RESTORE CORVETTES.
MAYBE I CAN POKE
AROUND AND TAKE A LOOK.
I SUPPOSE I COULD
GIVE YOU A HAND.
YOU DON'T GROW
UP WITH 8 BROTHERS
AND NOT LEARN A THING
OR TWO ABOUT ENGINES,
OR THE IMPORTANCE OF
BEING FIRST IN THE SHOWER.
(Frasier) NOW, NOW, LADIES.
NILES AND I ARE NO
STRANGERS TO THE AUTOMOBILE.
NILES, LET'S HAVE A
LOOK. I'LL POP THE HOOD.
THAT WON'T VOID THE
WARRANTY, WILL IT?
THAT'S VERY FUNNY, NILES.
NO CAUSE FOR ALARM, LADIES.
HERE WE GO.
HEY, EDDIE.
THIS IS MY BOY, EDDIE.
THIS IS MY OTHER BOY, FRASIER.
OH, DEAR GOD.
DAD, YOU KNOW VERY WELL
WE HAVE NO ROOM IN THIS HOUSE
FOR ANOTHER DOG,
LET ALONE A PUPPY.
THEY CHEW THE FURNITURE,
THEY... THEY DIG LIKE DEMONS
AND THEY SOIL THE CARPET.
THE PUPPY'S MINE, FRASIER.
OH, WELL. CONGRATULATIONS.
EVERYBODY SHOULD HAVE ONE.
ALICE JUST BEGGED ME FOR ONE.
MARTIN, THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR HELPING ME PICK HIM OUT.
ARE YOU KIDDIN'? I HAD A BLAST.
NOW, HERE'S EDDIE'S
OLD PUPPY COLLAR AND HIS BRUSH
AND HIS FIRST CHEW TOY.
OH, MARTIN,
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
KEPT ALL HIS THINGS.
WELL, I ALWAYS THOUGHT
HE'D HAVE A BROTHER OR 2.
YOU... YOU KNOW, YOU ALWAYS
THINK YOU'RE GONNA HAVE ONE MORE.
DAD, I SAID YOU
COULD HAVE A FISH.
ROZ, WOULD YOU
HELP ME HERE, PLEASE?
YOU KNOW, MARTIN, I
COULD USE SOMEONE
TO HELP ME WALK
HIM WHILE I'M AT WORK.
YOU COULD BE LIKE HIS GRANDPA.
(Martin) THAT'D BE GREAT.
YOU KNOW, HE LOOKS
KIND OF THIRSTY, ROZ.
YOU MIGHT WANNA
GET HIM SOME WATER.
OH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
[doorbell ringing]
OH, LOOK, A PUPPY.
OH.
OH, HELLO, NILES. COME
ON IN. HELLO, FRASIER.
IT TOOK ME HALF THE MORNING,
BUT I FINALLY FOUND IT. GOOD.
FOUND WHAT? A NIGHT
SCHOOL CATALOG.
OH, WHAT CLASSES ARE
YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR?
AUTO REPAIR. YEAH.
NO, SERIOUSLY.
NO... NO. WELL, WE...
WE ARE SERIOUS, DAD.
NILES AND I FELT COMPLETELY
HELPLESS LAST NIGHT
WHEN MY CAR BROKE DOWN.
AND I VOWED NEVER TO BE
HUMILIATED THAT WAY AGAIN.
YOU KNOW, I'M MORE THAN
A LITTLE CONVINCED THAT
THAT'S WHY CHELSEA TURNED
ME DOWN FOR A SECOND DATE.
I'M SURE THAT HAD
NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
IF I HAD TO GUESS, I'D SAY
IT WAS ALL THAT BLUBBERING
AT THE OPERA THAT
KILLED YOUR CHANCES.
BUT IT WAS BEN
HEPPNER SINGING TRISTAN.
YOU'D HAVE TO BE STONE NOT
TO WEEP AT HIS TRAGIC END.
HEY, HEY. HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET.
HERE WE ARE.
"BASIC CAR REPAIR
AND MAINTENANCE."
I WILL CALL THE BURSAR AT ONCE.
YOU GUYS ARE REALLY
GONNA DO THIS? MMM-HMM.
MONKEY AROUND WITH ENGINES, GET
CALLUSES AND GREASE UNDER YOUR NAILS?
(Frasier) YES. ACTUALLY, I'M
LOOKING FORWARD TO IT, DAD.
WELL, GOOD FOR YOU,
FRASIER. I'M IMPRESSED.
AS THE ENIGMA WE CALL
SHAKESPEARE ONCE WROTE,
"I AM A TRUE LABORER,
"I EARN THAT I EAT,
GET THAT I WEAR,
OWE NO MAN HATE, ENVY
NO MAN'S HAPPINESS."
YOU JUST COULDN'T LET
ME ENJOY IT, COULD YOU?
HEY, ROZ.
HEY, GRANDPA.
HOW WAS THE LITTLE
CRITTER TODAY?
OH, TERRIFIC.
ATE ALL HIS CHOW.
AT LEAST HE DID AFTER
I ADDED SOME WATER
TO GIVE IT A KIND
OF GRAVY TEXTURE.
WE TOOK A WALK IN THE PARK.
NOW, THEY'RE ONLY
YOUNG ONCE, ROZ.
SAVOR THE DAYS.
YOU HAD A BIG DAY
TODAY, DIDN'T YOU?
DIDN'T YOU?
YEAH.
ROZ?
WHAT?
YOU SHOULDN'T PLAY WITH
HIM THAT WAY. WHY NOT?
IF YOU LET HIM STAND ON YOU,
IT MAKES HIM THINK
HE'S DOMINANT,
THAT YOU'RE BELOW
HIM IN THE PACK.
OH, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
DON'T WORRY.
IT'S A COMMON MISTAKE.
THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
(Martin) SO, UH,
YOU'RE JUST GONNA LET HIM
SIT ON THE COUCH LIKE THAT?
YEAH, HE LOOKS CUTE.
WELL, ALL RIGHT, BUT,
YOU KNOW, IF YOU LET HIM
SIT ON THE FURNITURE, HE'S
GONNA THINK HE'S EQUAL TO YOU.
I'VE SEEN EDDIE SITTING
ON THE FURNITURE.
WE DON'T REALLY WANNA COMPARE
THIS PUPPY TO EDDIE, NOW DO WE?
ALL I'M SAYING IS, EDDIE
BREAKS THOSE RULES.
AND HANK AARON HELD
HIS BAT ALL WRONG.
THE GREAT ONES HAVE
ALWAYS BROKEN THE RULES.
BUT FIRST THEY LEARNED
THE FUNDAMENTALS.
AND THAT'S WHAT I'M
TRYING TO TEACH FRANKIE.
FRANKIE?
YOU NAMED MY DOG?
WELL, HE'S GOT TO HAVE
A NAME TO RESPOND TO
AND YOU WERE TAKING A
LONG TIME COMIN' UP WITH ONE.
WELL, ALICE PICKED
ONE LAST NIGHT.
ARIEL, FROM THE LITTLE MERMAID.
ARIEL?
THAT'S A GIRL'S NAME.
I KNOW, BUT SHE LIKES IT SO
WE'RE GOING TO STICK WITH IT.
WELL, ALL RIGHT.
SHOULDN'T SCREW
THE DOG UP TOO MUCH.
WHAT?
NOTHIN', I... I BETTER
BE HEADIN' HOME.
WAIT, I'LL WALK WITH YOU.
I'M GONNA TAKE ARIEL WITH ME
TO PICK UP ALICE AT PRESCHOOL.
WHERE'D HE GO?
THINK HE'S IN THE BEDROOM.
ARIEL?
ARIEL?
OH, SHOOT, I'M
GONNA BE LATE. ARIEL?
FRANKIE.
NOT ONE WORD.
[people chattering]
FEELS GOOD TO BE BACK
IN CLASS AGAIN, DOESN'T IT?
IT'S FANTASTIC.
YOU KNOW, I'M ALMOST
JEALOUS OF WHOMEVER
GETS TO SIT HERE DURING THE DAY
AND MAKE LEARNING HIS
FULL-TIME OCCUPATION.
WELL, JUDGING FROM THE
CARVING ON YOUR DESK,
IT LOOKS LIKE HIS NAME IS OZZY.
YES, AND APPARENTLY HE RULES.
HMM.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY,
MY NAME IS RANDY
AND, UH, IF YOU'LL TAKE YOUR
SEATS, WE'LL GET STARTED.
WE'RE ALREADY SEATED, RANDY.
WELCOME TO BASIC CAR
REPAIR AND MAINTENANCE.
(Randy) THIS IS GONNA
BE A REAL SIMPLE,
LOW-STRESS CLASS FOR PEOPLE
WHO DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT CARS.
(Randy) YEAH? WHAT
IF YOU DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT CARS? I
MEAN, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
WELL, THEN... RANDY, IF I MAY?
ON BEHALF OF THE CLASS,
I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT
I... I FEEL THAT WE'RE
ALL A BIT ANXIOUS.
BUT WITH RANDY AS OUR DRIVER
AND DESIRE AS OUR GASOLINE,
WE WILL COMPLETE
THIS JOURNEY TOGETHER.
TO PARAPHRASE A
FAMOUS LITTLE ENGINE,
I THINK WE CAN.
THANK YOU.
ANYWAY, LET'S, UH,
START WITH THE BASICS.
A CAR BURNS GASOLINE
TO CREATE SMALL,
CAREFULLY-TIMED EXPLOSIONS
WHOSE ENERGY IS CONVERTED BY
THE ENGINE INTO FORWARD MOTION.
I'LL SHOW YOU HOW THAT HAPPENS.
SO THE ENGINE IS
JUST LIKE THE TIMPANI.
THE WAY IT DRIVES THE
ORCHESTRA FORWARD.
THE CONDUCTOR DRIVES THE
ORCHESTRA, NOT THE TIMPANI.
[Randy chattering]
THE CONDUCTOR
GUIDES THE ORCHESTRA.
HE'S MORE LIKE THE
STEERING WHEEL.
THE ACTUAL DRIVING
FORWARD... THE DRIVING FORWARD
IS ACTUALLY EXECUTED BY
THE PERCUSSION SECTION.
SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE NEEDS
TO TAKE A CLASS IN ORCHESTRA
RATHER THAN AUTOMOBILES.
WHICH LINKS THE CRANKSHAFT
TO THE CAMSHAFT
SO THAT THE VALVES ARE
IN SYNC WITH THE PISTONS.
OH.
(Randy) NOW, AS YOU CAN
IMAGINE, THE TOLERANCE IS...
EVERY COMPONENT IN THE
CYLINDER. UM, WHAT'S A CAMSHAFT?
I DON'T KNOW. YOU WERE TALKING.
(Randy) IF THE TIMING IS
OFF EVEN JUST A LITTLE...
OH, RIGHT. HERE IT IS.
THE CAMSHAFT IS THE SYSTEM
THAT OPENS AND
CLOSES THE VALVES. AH.
OH, SO IT'S THIS
THING, THIS OVER HERE.
OH, RIGHT, RIGHT,
GOOD, GOT IT. GOT IT.
THAT WAS CLOSE, WE
ALMOST GOT BEHIND.
LET'S NOT LET THAT
HAPPEN AGAIN. AGREED.
AND IF YOU ONLY TAKE ONE
THING AWAY FROM THIS COURSE,
THAT SHOULD BE IT.
(Randy) OK, MOVIN' ON.
SO, IF YOU'RE FINISHED
CHANGING THE SPARK PLUGS,
YOU'RE FREE TO LEAVE,
AND I'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
NILES, IT'S DOWN
TO US AND SHIRLEY.
I DID IT! I DID IT!
[whooping]
GOOD JOB, SHIRLEY.
IT'S ALL RIGHT IT'S ALL RIGHT.
PERSEVERANCE, FRASIER.
WE'LL GET THIS. RIGHT, RIGHT.
OH, WOULD YOU TAKE OFF
THOSE STUPID GOGGLES?
WELL, I'M SORRY,
IT'S FOR SAFETY.
NOBODY ELSE WORE THEM.
NO ONE ELSE WORE
THEM IN GYM CLASS EITHER
BUT THEN TOMMY FRITZ SCRATCHED HIS
CORNEA AND THEN THEY WERE MANDATORY.
GIVE ME THAT WRENCH.
G-GIVE ME THAT WRENCH.
I'M TELLING YOU, I'M TELLING
YOU. IT'S ON TOO TIGHT.
HERE, I'LL JUST TRY
TO LOOSEN IT UP.
WHOA, WHOA!
REMEMBER, UH, SPARK PLUGS COME
OUT WITH A SIMPLE TWIST AND PULL.
OH. TWIST AND
PULL. GIVE IT A TRY.
MMM-HMM.
OH! OK, UH,
THAT'S CALLED STRIPPING IT.
WOW. GOOD JOB, FRASIER.
HERE, LET ME STRIP ONE.
NO, NO.
STRIPPING IT MEANS
BREAKING IT. OH.
UH, WATCH ME.
WOW.
SO YOU TWIST
AND THEN PULL.
YOU SEE, I WAS TWISTING
AND PULLING SIMULTANEOUSLY
AS PER YOUR INSTRUCTIONS,
TWIST AND PULL.
YEAH. IN THE FUTURE, THE PHRASE
"TWIST, THEN PULL" MIGHT HELP.
LOOK, FELLAS,
MAYBE THAT'S
ENOUGH FOR ONE NIGHT.
BUT, UH, WHY DON'T YOU COME
IN A LITTLE EARLY NEXT WEEK
AND I'LL TRY TO GET YOU
CAUGHT UP TO EVERYONE ELSE?
UH, I'VE GOT A FEELING YOU GUYS
ARE GONNA BE MY SPECIAL PROJECT.
DID YOU HEAR THAT, FRASIER?
WE HAVE TO COME IN FOR TUTORING.
WE'VE BECOME REMEDIAL STUDENTS.
I KNOW.
IT'S HUMILIATING.
I THOUGHT WE SIGNED UP FOR
THIS CLASS TO AVOID HUMILIATION.
I GUESS WE'RE JUST GONNA HAVE
TO ROLL UP OUR SHIRTSLEEVES
AND... AND SEE IT THROUGH
FOR THE NEXT 8 WEEKS.
OF COURSE, WE WILL.
ALTHOUGH...
I'M LISTENING.
WHAT DO WE ACTUALLY ACCOMPLISH
BY LEARNING TO CHANGE
OUR OWN SPARK PLUGS?
OH, YES, OF COURSE, WE
ACQUIRE A... A NEW SKILL,
BUT AREN'T WE TAKING A JOB
AWAY FROM A QUALIFIED MECHANIC?
SOMEONE WHO MAY HAVE
A FAMILY TO SUPPORT.
NOT TO MENTION ALL THE MERCHANTS
WHO DEPEND ON HIS
DISPOSABLE INCOME YES.
FOR THEIR LIVELIHOOD.
YES. THE HUMAN TOLL
BEGINS TO MOUNT.
SOCIETY DECAYS.
NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING
TO SAY ABOUT IT.
NILES, I'M QUITTING.
AND IF YOU CARE ONE JOT ABOUT
CIVILIZATION, YOU'LL QUIT, TOO.
OUR DUTY IS CLEAR.
DO WE HAVE TIME FOR
GELATO? I THINK SO, YES.
THERE'S MY BURLY MECHANIC.
HELLO, DAPHNE.
YOUR EARS MUST HAVE
BEEN BURNING TONIGHT.
I'VE BEEN BRAGGING ABOUT YOU
ON THE PHONE TO MY MUM. OH?
I KNOW, I SAID YOU DIDN'T
HAVE TO TAKE THIS AUTO CLASS,
BUT I RATHER LIKE
THE IDEA OF MY MAN
BEING ABLE TO RESCUE
ME BY THE ROADSIDE.
YOU DO? YEAH.
IT JUST SHOWS ME
HOW MUCH YOU CARE.
WELL, UM,
NEXT WEEK, WE'RE
FLUSHING RADIATORS.
NILES?
HEY,
MR. GOODWRENCH.
RECOGNIZE THIS?
(Frasier) NO.
WELL, IT'S YOUR
GRANDPA'S OLD TOOLBOX.
HE GAVE IT TO ME WHEN I WAS 18.
OH. I THINK YOU'RE
READY FOR IT NOW.
WELL,
THANKS, DAD, BUT, UH...
I KNOW IT SOUNDS KIND OF CORNY,
BUT IT MEANT A LOT TO ME
WHEN MY FATHER GAVE THAT TO ME.
EVERY TIME I USE
IT, I THINK OF HIM
AND MAYBE EVERY TIME
YOU USE IT IN CLASS,
YOU'LL THINK OF YOUR OLD
MAN AND HOW PROUD HE IS.
OH, GOSH, DAD, I DON'T
KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
MAYBE SOMEDAY YOU'LL
PASS IT ON TO YOUR SON.
BUT FIRST, MAYBE I'LL REMOVE
THE TOPLESS PLAYING CARDS.
OH.
YOUR GRANDPA LOVED THE NUDIES.
[people chattering]
YES, MARTIN I'LL BE HOME
IN TIME TO FEED THE PUPPY.
I SAID I WOULD BE HOME.
OK. BYE-BYE.
YOUR DAD IS DRIVING
ME NUTS ABOUT THIS DOG.
ROZ, DO YOU MIND?
WE'RE TRYING TO STUDY.
WOW, THAT REMINDS ME OF COLLEGE.
STAYING UP ALL NIGHT
BEFORE A BIG EXAM
AND WISHING I'D STUDIED INSTEAD.
YES, AS MUCH AS WE'D LOVE TO
RELIVE THOSE 4 MONTHS WITH YOU,
OUR CLASS BEGINS SHORTLY.
(Frasier) WE'RE TRYING TO
LEARN LAST WEEK'S MATERIAL.
OH, FRASIER, IT'S USELESS.
IT'S POINTLESS. IT'S BORING.
AND, REALLY, WHO CARES?
WOW, IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU
GUYS SHOULD JUST QUIT.
IF ONLY WE COULD, ROZ. AH.
IT'S JUST THAT DAD AND
DAPHNE ARE SO PROUD OF US
WE CAN'T LET THEM DOWN.
THEY'VE ALREADY
BOUGHT MAHOGANY FRAMES
SO THEY CAN SHOWCASE OUR
CERTIFICATES OF COMPLETION.
SO COMPLETE IT.
I MEAN, THAT DOESN'T
MEAN YOU HAVE TO ACE IT.
JUST SIT THERE AND NOD
YOUR HEAD A FEW TIMES
AND YOU'RE HOME FREE.
ARE YOU SUGGESTING WE...
COAST?
WE HAVE NEVER WALKED THE BACK
ALLEYS OF UNDERACHIEVEMENT BEFORE.
DARE WE?
OH.
OH, I FELT A CHILL.
COME ON, EDDIE, GET IN ON THIS.
OH, WHAT, ARE YOU TOO
GROWN UP FOR THE SOCK GAME?
[knocking on door]
(Martin) COME IN.
HEY, MART...
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
WELL, YOU WERE LATE, SO
I BROUGHT FRANKIE HERE.
HIS NAME IS ARIEL, AND
I WAS 15 MINUTES LATE.
WELL, THAT'S ALMOST 2
HOURS IN DOGGY MINUTES.
PLUS, YOU DIDN'T PUT THE TOP
BACK ON HIS WORM MEDICINE.
PLUS, THE WATER IN
HIS DISH GOT DUSTY.
YOU KNOW, ROZ, I DON'T THINK THIS
SET-UP IS WORKIN' OUT TOO WELL.
I'LL SAY. SO I WAS THINKING
IT MIGHT BE BEST IF HE LIVED
HERE WITH ME FOR A WHILE.
WHAT? JUST UNTIL HE
GROWS UP A LITTLE BIT.
YOU KNOW, THEY NEED A
LOT OF ATTENTION AT THIS AGE.
I ASKED YOU TO HELP ME,
MARTIN, NOT TAKE OVER.
YOU'RE ACTING LIKE MY MOTHER.
YOU HEAR HOW SHE TALKS TO ME?
AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR HER,
AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET.
GIVE HIM TO ME.
ROZ, I DON'T THINK YOU'RE
IN THE RIGHT FRAME OF MIND.
GIVE HIM TO ME. NO.
WELL, I'M LEAVING HERE WITH
A DOG ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.
YOU WOULDN'T. TRY ME.
NO, WAIT!
YOU FIRST.
OH.
YOU'RE NOT HOLDIN' HIM RIGHT.
DAMN IT, MARTIN.
JUST BECAUSE I'M NOT
RAISING HIM YOUR WAY,
DOESN'T MEAN I'M RAISING HIM
THE WRONG WAY, SO BUTT OUT.
ALL RIGHT.
CAN I AT LEAST COME AND
VISIT HIM ONCE IN A WHILE?
YOU THINK YOU CAN DO IT
WITHOUT CRITICIZING ME?
YEAH, I PROMISE.
OK, YOU CAN COME VISIT.
BYE, FRANKIE. MARTIN.
ARIEL.
SEE YOU LATER, MARTIN.
[door closing]
HEY!
THAT'S MY BOY! YES!
[growling] COME ON. OH.
UH, THE BRAKE PEDAL
FEELS A LITTLE MUSHY.
WHAT IS THE POSSIBLE CAUSE?
UH, LET'S GET SOMEONE NEW
THIS TIME. HOW ABOUT FRASIER?
WHAT?
WHAT WOULD CAUSE A
MUSHY FEELING IN THE BRAKES?
I DON'T KNOW.
NILES?
UH, MUSH.
IT'S CAUSED BY A
LEAK IN THE BRAKE LINE.
GOOD, SHIRLEY. DID
EVERYBODY HEAR THAT?
HER VOICE WAS KIND OF MUFFLED.
WHAT WITH HER LIPS BEING
PRESSED UP AGAINST RANDY'S BUTT.
GUYS, THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'M
GONNA TELL YOU. KEEP IT DOWN, OK?
(Randy) A LEAK IN
THE BRAKE LINE IS,
UH, CERTAINLY A POSSIBLE CAUSE.
AH, ANOTHER CULPRIT MIGHT
BE THE WHEEL CYLINDER.
IF THE CAPS ARE
BRITTLE AND CRACKED,
UH, YOU CAN DEVELOP
A LEAK THERE, TOO.
EITHER CASE, THE HYDRAULICS...
IS THAT A FUNNY NOTE THERE?
(Randy) I ENJOY FUNNY THINGS.
WHY DON'T I SHARE
IT WITH THE CLASS?
[sighing]
DOES ANYBODY HERE READ FRENCH?
ANYONE BESIDES FRASIER?
LET ME SEE YOU GUYS
OUT IN THE HALL, PLEASE.
OOH. OOH, BUSTED.
AND BRING YOUR BOOKS AND TOOLS.
UH-OH.
WE'RE IN TROUBLE NOW. OH.
WE'RE NOT IN TROUBLE,
WE ARE TROUBLE.
PLEASE, PLEASE
DON'T THROW US OUT.
WE'LL SHUT UP. WE PROMISE.
YOU'VE PROMISED
THAT 4 TIMES TONIGHT.
SORRY, YOU'RE GONE.
BUT WHAT ARE WE GONNA TELL
OUR DAD? AND MY GIRLFRIEND?
MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF
THAT BEFORE YOU STARTED GOOFIN' OFF.
OK, OK, SO, UH,
HOW DOES THIS WORK,
RANDY? YOU... YOU... YOU MAIL US
OUR CERTIFICATES OF
COMPLETION OR WHAT?
YEAH. UH, LET ME GO GET
A PEN AND PAPER FOR YOUR
ADDRESSES. ALL RIGHTY.
[mumbling]
I'M STARTING TO THINK
HE'S NOT COMING BACK.
NOT ONLY DID WE
STINK AT AUTO CLASS,
WE STUNK AT COASTING
THROUGH AUTO CLASS.
WE BECAME BACK
ROW HOOLIGANS, NILES.
THE VERY STUDENTS WE
HATED BACK IN SCHOOL.
I ALWAYS THOUGHT
THEY WERE JUST MEAN.
NOW I REALIZE THEY WERE SIMPLY
ACTING OUT OF FRUSTRATION.
SO WHEN BILLY KRIEZEL
TRIED TO STUFF YOU
INTO YOUR LOCKER
AFTER MATH CLASS,
HE WASN'T REALLY MAD AT YOU.
HE WAS MAD AT PYTHAGORAS.
WHICH IS IRONIC, BECAUSE
A SIMPLE VOLUME EQUATION
WOULD HAVE SHOWN
HIM I COULDN'T FIT.
YOU KNOW, WE NEVER SHOULD
HAVE LIED TO DAD AND DAPHNE.
IF WE WANTED TO QUIT,
WE SHOULD HAVE JUST QUIT. YES.
IT WOULD HAVE SAVED US
A LOT OF EMBARRASSMENT.
WELL, THAT'S THE LESSON HERE.
NEVER DENY YOUR TRUE NATURE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
HONESTY.
THIS CERTIFICATE
LOOK OFFICIAL ENOUGH?
I THINK YOU FINALLY GOT IT.
2, PLEASE. YEAH.
(Frasier) ♪ HEY, BABY, I
HEAR THE BLUES A-CALLIN' ♪
♪ TOSSED SALADS
AND SCRAMBLED EGGS ♪
OH, MY.
♪ AND MAYBE I SEEM
A BIT CONFUSED ♪
♪ WELL, MAYBE, BUT
I GOT YOU PEGGED ♪
[laughing]
♪ BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ♪
♪ WITH THOSE TOSSED
SALADS AND SCRAMBLED EGGS ♪
♪ THEY'RE CALLIN' AGAIN ♪
THANK YOU!
FOR A RARE TREAT TONIGHT.
HMM. YOUR FIRST OPERA.
AND BEN HEPPNER IS
SINGING THE ROLE OF TRISTAN.
OH, THIS IS GONNA BE A
WHOLE NEW EXPERIENCE FOR ME.
WHY? YOU'VE NEVER
BEEN BORED BEFORE?
[car engine idles]
OH, DEAR,
THE CAR SEEMS TO HAVE STALLED.
[car engine sputtering]
OH, GREAT, NOW WHAT?
ALL RIGHT, LET'S NOT PANIC.
CHELSEA, IF YOU WOULD PLEASE
OPEN THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT.
YOU WILL FIND A FLASHLIGHT
AND A SMALL TOOL KIT.
AH.
REACH BEHIND THEM AND
HAND ME MY CELL PHONE.
I'M GOING TO CALL THE AUTO CLUB.
BY THE TIME THEY GET
HERE, WE'LL MISS THE OPERA.
YOU KNOW, MY EX-BOYFRIEND
USED TO RESTORE CORVETTES.
MAYBE I CAN POKE
AROUND AND TAKE A LOOK.
I SUPPOSE I COULD
GIVE YOU A HAND.
YOU DON'T GROW
UP WITH 8 BROTHERS
AND NOT LEARN A THING
OR TWO ABOUT ENGINES,
OR THE IMPORTANCE OF
BEING FIRST IN THE SHOWER.
(Frasier) NOW, NOW, LADIES.
NILES AND I ARE NO
STRANGERS TO THE AUTOMOBILE.
NILES, LET'S HAVE A
LOOK. I'LL POP THE HOOD.
THAT WON'T VOID THE
WARRANTY, WILL IT?
THAT'S VERY FUNNY, NILES.
NO CAUSE FOR ALARM, LADIES.
HERE WE GO.
HEY, EDDIE.
THIS IS MY BOY, EDDIE.
THIS IS MY OTHER BOY, FRASIER.
OH, DEAR GOD.
DAD, YOU KNOW VERY WELL
WE HAVE NO ROOM IN THIS HOUSE
FOR ANOTHER DOG,
LET ALONE A PUPPY.
THEY CHEW THE FURNITURE,
THEY... THEY DIG LIKE DEMONS
AND THEY SOIL THE CARPET.
THE PUPPY'S MINE, FRASIER.
OH, WELL. CONGRATULATIONS.
EVERYBODY SHOULD HAVE ONE.
ALICE JUST BEGGED ME FOR ONE.
MARTIN, THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR HELPING ME PICK HIM OUT.
ARE YOU KIDDIN'? I HAD A BLAST.
NOW, HERE'S EDDIE'S
OLD PUPPY COLLAR AND HIS BRUSH
AND HIS FIRST CHEW TOY.
OH, MARTIN,
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
KEPT ALL HIS THINGS.
WELL, I ALWAYS THOUGHT
HE'D HAVE A BROTHER OR 2.
YOU... YOU KNOW, YOU ALWAYS
THINK YOU'RE GONNA HAVE ONE MORE.
DAD, I SAID YOU
COULD HAVE A FISH.
ROZ, WOULD YOU
HELP ME HERE, PLEASE?
YOU KNOW, MARTIN, I
COULD USE SOMEONE
TO HELP ME WALK
HIM WHILE I'M AT WORK.
YOU COULD BE LIKE HIS GRANDPA.
(Martin) THAT'D BE GREAT.
YOU KNOW, HE LOOKS
KIND OF THIRSTY, ROZ.
YOU MIGHT WANNA
GET HIM SOME WATER.
OH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
[doorbell ringing]
OH, LOOK, A PUPPY.
OH.
OH, HELLO, NILES. COME
ON IN. HELLO, FRASIER.
IT TOOK ME HALF THE MORNING,
BUT I FINALLY FOUND IT. GOOD.
FOUND WHAT? A NIGHT
SCHOOL CATALOG.
OH, WHAT CLASSES ARE
YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR?
AUTO REPAIR. YEAH.
NO, SERIOUSLY.
NO... NO. WELL, WE...
WE ARE SERIOUS, DAD.
NILES AND I FELT COMPLETELY
HELPLESS LAST NIGHT
WHEN MY CAR BROKE DOWN.
AND I VOWED NEVER TO BE
HUMILIATED THAT WAY AGAIN.
YOU KNOW, I'M MORE THAN
A LITTLE CONVINCED THAT
THAT'S WHY CHELSEA TURNED
ME DOWN FOR A SECOND DATE.
I'M SURE THAT HAD
NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
IF I HAD TO GUESS, I'D SAY
IT WAS ALL THAT BLUBBERING
AT THE OPERA THAT
KILLED YOUR CHANCES.
BUT IT WAS BEN
HEPPNER SINGING TRISTAN.
YOU'D HAVE TO BE STONE NOT
TO WEEP AT HIS TRAGIC END.
HEY, HEY. HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET.
HERE WE ARE.
"BASIC CAR REPAIR
AND MAINTENANCE."
I WILL CALL THE BURSAR AT ONCE.
YOU GUYS ARE REALLY
GONNA DO THIS? MMM-HMM.
MONKEY AROUND WITH ENGINES, GET
CALLUSES AND GREASE UNDER YOUR NAILS?
(Frasier) YES. ACTUALLY, I'M
LOOKING FORWARD TO IT, DAD.
WELL, GOOD FOR YOU,
FRASIER. I'M IMPRESSED.
AS THE ENIGMA WE CALL
SHAKESPEARE ONCE WROTE,
"I AM A TRUE LABORER,
"I EARN THAT I EAT,
GET THAT I WEAR,
OWE NO MAN HATE, ENVY
NO MAN'S HAPPINESS."
YOU JUST COULDN'T LET
ME ENJOY IT, COULD YOU?
HEY, ROZ.
HEY, GRANDPA.
HOW WAS THE LITTLE
CRITTER TODAY?
OH, TERRIFIC.
ATE ALL HIS CHOW.
AT LEAST HE DID AFTER
I ADDED SOME WATER
TO GIVE IT A KIND
OF GRAVY TEXTURE.
WE TOOK A WALK IN THE PARK.
NOW, THEY'RE ONLY
YOUNG ONCE, ROZ.
SAVOR THE DAYS.
YOU HAD A BIG DAY
TODAY, DIDN'T YOU?
DIDN'T YOU?
YEAH.
ROZ?
WHAT?
YOU SHOULDN'T PLAY WITH
HIM THAT WAY. WHY NOT?
IF YOU LET HIM STAND ON YOU,
IT MAKES HIM THINK
HE'S DOMINANT,
THAT YOU'RE BELOW
HIM IN THE PACK.
OH, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
DON'T WORRY.
IT'S A COMMON MISTAKE.
THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
(Martin) SO, UH,
YOU'RE JUST GONNA LET HIM
SIT ON THE COUCH LIKE THAT?
YEAH, HE LOOKS CUTE.
WELL, ALL RIGHT, BUT,
YOU KNOW, IF YOU LET HIM
SIT ON THE FURNITURE, HE'S
GONNA THINK HE'S EQUAL TO YOU.
I'VE SEEN EDDIE SITTING
ON THE FURNITURE.
WE DON'T REALLY WANNA COMPARE
THIS PUPPY TO EDDIE, NOW DO WE?
ALL I'M SAYING IS, EDDIE
BREAKS THOSE RULES.
AND HANK AARON HELD
HIS BAT ALL WRONG.
THE GREAT ONES HAVE
ALWAYS BROKEN THE RULES.
BUT FIRST THEY LEARNED
THE FUNDAMENTALS.
AND THAT'S WHAT I'M
TRYING TO TEACH FRANKIE.
FRANKIE?
YOU NAMED MY DOG?
WELL, HE'S GOT TO HAVE
A NAME TO RESPOND TO
AND YOU WERE TAKING A
LONG TIME COMIN' UP WITH ONE.
WELL, ALICE PICKED
ONE LAST NIGHT.
ARIEL, FROM THE LITTLE MERMAID.
ARIEL?
THAT'S A GIRL'S NAME.
I KNOW, BUT SHE LIKES IT SO
WE'RE GOING TO STICK WITH IT.
WELL, ALL RIGHT.
SHOULDN'T SCREW
THE DOG UP TOO MUCH.
WHAT?
NOTHIN', I... I BETTER
BE HEADIN' HOME.
WAIT, I'LL WALK WITH YOU.
I'M GONNA TAKE ARIEL WITH ME
TO PICK UP ALICE AT PRESCHOOL.
WHERE'D HE GO?
THINK HE'S IN THE BEDROOM.
ARIEL?
ARIEL?
OH, SHOOT, I'M
GONNA BE LATE. ARIEL?
FRANKIE.
NOT ONE WORD.
[people chattering]
FEELS GOOD TO BE BACK
IN CLASS AGAIN, DOESN'T IT?
IT'S FANTASTIC.
YOU KNOW, I'M ALMOST
JEALOUS OF WHOMEVER
GETS TO SIT HERE DURING THE DAY
AND MAKE LEARNING HIS
FULL-TIME OCCUPATION.
WELL, JUDGING FROM THE
CARVING ON YOUR DESK,
IT LOOKS LIKE HIS NAME IS OZZY.
YES, AND APPARENTLY HE RULES.
HMM.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY,
MY NAME IS RANDY
AND, UH, IF YOU'LL TAKE YOUR
SEATS, WE'LL GET STARTED.
WE'RE ALREADY SEATED, RANDY.
WELCOME TO BASIC CAR
REPAIR AND MAINTENANCE.
(Randy) THIS IS GONNA
BE A REAL SIMPLE,
LOW-STRESS CLASS FOR PEOPLE
WHO DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT CARS.
(Randy) YEAH? WHAT
IF YOU DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT CARS? I
MEAN, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
WELL, THEN... RANDY, IF I MAY?
ON BEHALF OF THE CLASS,
I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT
I... I FEEL THAT WE'RE
ALL A BIT ANXIOUS.
BUT WITH RANDY AS OUR DRIVER
AND DESIRE AS OUR GASOLINE,
WE WILL COMPLETE
THIS JOURNEY TOGETHER.
TO PARAPHRASE A
FAMOUS LITTLE ENGINE,
I THINK WE CAN.
THANK YOU.
ANYWAY, LET'S, UH,
START WITH THE BASICS.
A CAR BURNS GASOLINE
TO CREATE SMALL,
CAREFULLY-TIMED EXPLOSIONS
WHOSE ENERGY IS CONVERTED BY
THE ENGINE INTO FORWARD MOTION.
I'LL SHOW YOU HOW THAT HAPPENS.
SO THE ENGINE IS
JUST LIKE THE TIMPANI.
THE WAY IT DRIVES THE
ORCHESTRA FORWARD.
THE CONDUCTOR DRIVES THE
ORCHESTRA, NOT THE TIMPANI.
[Randy chattering]
THE CONDUCTOR
GUIDES THE ORCHESTRA.
HE'S MORE LIKE THE
STEERING WHEEL.
THE ACTUAL DRIVING
FORWARD... THE DRIVING FORWARD
IS ACTUALLY EXECUTED BY
THE PERCUSSION SECTION.
SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE NEEDS
TO TAKE A CLASS IN ORCHESTRA
RATHER THAN AUTOMOBILES.
WHICH LINKS THE CRANKSHAFT
TO THE CAMSHAFT
SO THAT THE VALVES ARE
IN SYNC WITH THE PISTONS.
OH.
(Randy) NOW, AS YOU CAN
IMAGINE, THE TOLERANCE IS...
EVERY COMPONENT IN THE
CYLINDER. UM, WHAT'S A CAMSHAFT?
I DON'T KNOW. YOU WERE TALKING.
(Randy) IF THE TIMING IS
OFF EVEN JUST A LITTLE...
OH, RIGHT. HERE IT IS.
THE CAMSHAFT IS THE SYSTEM
THAT OPENS AND
CLOSES THE VALVES. AH.
OH, SO IT'S THIS
THING, THIS OVER HERE.
OH, RIGHT, RIGHT,
GOOD, GOT IT. GOT IT.
THAT WAS CLOSE, WE
ALMOST GOT BEHIND.
LET'S NOT LET THAT
HAPPEN AGAIN. AGREED.
AND IF YOU ONLY TAKE ONE
THING AWAY FROM THIS COURSE,
THAT SHOULD BE IT.
(Randy) OK, MOVIN' ON.
SO, IF YOU'RE FINISHED
CHANGING THE SPARK PLUGS,
YOU'RE FREE TO LEAVE,
AND I'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
NILES, IT'S DOWN
TO US AND SHIRLEY.
I DID IT! I DID IT!
[whooping]
GOOD JOB, SHIRLEY.
IT'S ALL RIGHT IT'S ALL RIGHT.
PERSEVERANCE, FRASIER.
WE'LL GET THIS. RIGHT, RIGHT.
OH, WOULD YOU TAKE OFF
THOSE STUPID GOGGLES?
WELL, I'M SORRY,
IT'S FOR SAFETY.
NOBODY ELSE WORE THEM.
NO ONE ELSE WORE
THEM IN GYM CLASS EITHER
BUT THEN TOMMY FRITZ SCRATCHED HIS
CORNEA AND THEN THEY WERE MANDATORY.
GIVE ME THAT WRENCH.
G-GIVE ME THAT WRENCH.
I'M TELLING YOU, I'M TELLING
YOU. IT'S ON TOO TIGHT.
HERE, I'LL JUST TRY
TO LOOSEN IT UP.
WHOA, WHOA!
REMEMBER, UH, SPARK PLUGS COME
OUT WITH A SIMPLE TWIST AND PULL.
OH. TWIST AND
PULL. GIVE IT A TRY.
MMM-HMM.
OH! OK, UH,
THAT'S CALLED STRIPPING IT.
WOW. GOOD JOB, FRASIER.
HERE, LET ME STRIP ONE.
NO, NO.
STRIPPING IT MEANS
BREAKING IT. OH.
UH, WATCH ME.
WOW.
SO YOU TWIST
AND THEN PULL.
YOU SEE, I WAS TWISTING
AND PULLING SIMULTANEOUSLY
AS PER YOUR INSTRUCTIONS,
TWIST AND PULL.
YEAH. IN THE FUTURE, THE PHRASE
"TWIST, THEN PULL" MIGHT HELP.
LOOK, FELLAS,
MAYBE THAT'S
ENOUGH FOR ONE NIGHT.
BUT, UH, WHY DON'T YOU COME
IN A LITTLE EARLY NEXT WEEK
AND I'LL TRY TO GET YOU
CAUGHT UP TO EVERYONE ELSE?
UH, I'VE GOT A FEELING YOU GUYS
ARE GONNA BE MY SPECIAL PROJECT.
DID YOU HEAR THAT, FRASIER?
WE HAVE TO COME IN FOR TUTORING.
WE'VE BECOME REMEDIAL STUDENTS.
I KNOW.
IT'S HUMILIATING.
I THOUGHT WE SIGNED UP FOR
THIS CLASS TO AVOID HUMILIATION.
I GUESS WE'RE JUST GONNA HAVE
TO ROLL UP OUR SHIRTSLEEVES
AND... AND SEE IT THROUGH
FOR THE NEXT 8 WEEKS.
OF COURSE, WE WILL.
ALTHOUGH...
I'M LISTENING.
WHAT DO WE ACTUALLY ACCOMPLISH
BY LEARNING TO CHANGE
OUR OWN SPARK PLUGS?
OH, YES, OF COURSE, WE
ACQUIRE A... A NEW SKILL,
BUT AREN'T WE TAKING A JOB
AWAY FROM A QUALIFIED MECHANIC?
SOMEONE WHO MAY HAVE
A FAMILY TO SUPPORT.
NOT TO MENTION ALL THE MERCHANTS
WHO DEPEND ON HIS
DISPOSABLE INCOME YES.
FOR THEIR LIVELIHOOD.
YES. THE HUMAN TOLL
BEGINS TO MOUNT.
SOCIETY DECAYS.
NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING
TO SAY ABOUT IT.
NILES, I'M QUITTING.
AND IF YOU CARE ONE JOT ABOUT
CIVILIZATION, YOU'LL QUIT, TOO.
OUR DUTY IS CLEAR.
DO WE HAVE TIME FOR
GELATO? I THINK SO, YES.
THERE'S MY BURLY MECHANIC.
HELLO, DAPHNE.
YOUR EARS MUST HAVE
BEEN BURNING TONIGHT.
I'VE BEEN BRAGGING ABOUT YOU
ON THE PHONE TO MY MUM. OH?
I KNOW, I SAID YOU DIDN'T
HAVE TO TAKE THIS AUTO CLASS,
BUT I RATHER LIKE
THE IDEA OF MY MAN
BEING ABLE TO RESCUE
ME BY THE ROADSIDE.
YOU DO? YEAH.
IT JUST SHOWS ME
HOW MUCH YOU CARE.
WELL, UM,
NEXT WEEK, WE'RE
FLUSHING RADIATORS.
NILES?
HEY,
MR. GOODWRENCH.
RECOGNIZE THIS?
(Frasier) NO.
WELL, IT'S YOUR
GRANDPA'S OLD TOOLBOX.
HE GAVE IT TO ME WHEN I WAS 18.
OH. I THINK YOU'RE
READY FOR IT NOW.
WELL,
THANKS, DAD, BUT, UH...
I KNOW IT SOUNDS KIND OF CORNY,
BUT IT MEANT A LOT TO ME
WHEN MY FATHER GAVE THAT TO ME.
EVERY TIME I USE
IT, I THINK OF HIM
AND MAYBE EVERY TIME
YOU USE IT IN CLASS,
YOU'LL THINK OF YOUR OLD
MAN AND HOW PROUD HE IS.
OH, GOSH, DAD, I DON'T
KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
MAYBE SOMEDAY YOU'LL
PASS IT ON TO YOUR SON.
BUT FIRST, MAYBE I'LL REMOVE
THE TOPLESS PLAYING CARDS.
OH.
YOUR GRANDPA LOVED THE NUDIES.
[people chattering]
YES, MARTIN I'LL BE HOME
IN TIME TO FEED THE PUPPY.
I SAID I WOULD BE HOME.
OK. BYE-BYE.
YOUR DAD IS DRIVING
ME NUTS ABOUT THIS DOG.
ROZ, DO YOU MIND?
WE'RE TRYING TO STUDY.
WOW, THAT REMINDS ME OF COLLEGE.
STAYING UP ALL NIGHT
BEFORE A BIG EXAM
AND WISHING I'D STUDIED INSTEAD.
YES, AS MUCH AS WE'D LOVE TO
RELIVE THOSE 4 MONTHS WITH YOU,
OUR CLASS BEGINS SHORTLY.
(Frasier) WE'RE TRYING TO
LEARN LAST WEEK'S MATERIAL.
OH, FRASIER, IT'S USELESS.
IT'S POINTLESS. IT'S BORING.
AND, REALLY, WHO CARES?
WOW, IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU
GUYS SHOULD JUST QUIT.
IF ONLY WE COULD, ROZ. AH.
IT'S JUST THAT DAD AND
DAPHNE ARE SO PROUD OF US
WE CAN'T LET THEM DOWN.
THEY'VE ALREADY
BOUGHT MAHOGANY FRAMES
SO THEY CAN SHOWCASE OUR
CERTIFICATES OF COMPLETION.
SO COMPLETE IT.
I MEAN, THAT DOESN'T
MEAN YOU HAVE TO ACE IT.
JUST SIT THERE AND NOD
YOUR HEAD A FEW TIMES
AND YOU'RE HOME FREE.
ARE YOU SUGGESTING WE...
COAST?
WE HAVE NEVER WALKED THE BACK
ALLEYS OF UNDERACHIEVEMENT BEFORE.
DARE WE?
OH.
OH, I FELT A CHILL.
COME ON, EDDIE, GET IN ON THIS.
OH, WHAT, ARE YOU TOO
GROWN UP FOR THE SOCK GAME?
[knocking on door]
(Martin) COME IN.
HEY, MART...
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
WELL, YOU WERE LATE, SO
I BROUGHT FRANKIE HERE.
HIS NAME IS ARIEL, AND
I WAS 15 MINUTES LATE.
WELL, THAT'S ALMOST 2
HOURS IN DOGGY MINUTES.
PLUS, YOU DIDN'T PUT THE TOP
BACK ON HIS WORM MEDICINE.
PLUS, THE WATER IN
HIS DISH GOT DUSTY.
YOU KNOW, ROZ, I DON'T THINK THIS
SET-UP IS WORKIN' OUT TOO WELL.
I'LL SAY. SO I WAS THINKING
IT MIGHT BE BEST IF HE LIVED
HERE WITH ME FOR A WHILE.
WHAT? JUST UNTIL HE
GROWS UP A LITTLE BIT.
YOU KNOW, THEY NEED A
LOT OF ATTENTION AT THIS AGE.
I ASKED YOU TO HELP ME,
MARTIN, NOT TAKE OVER.
YOU'RE ACTING LIKE MY MOTHER.
YOU HEAR HOW SHE TALKS TO ME?
AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR HER,
AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET.
GIVE HIM TO ME.
ROZ, I DON'T THINK YOU'RE
IN THE RIGHT FRAME OF MIND.
GIVE HIM TO ME. NO.
WELL, I'M LEAVING HERE WITH
A DOG ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.
YOU WOULDN'T. TRY ME.
NO, WAIT!
YOU FIRST.
OH.
YOU'RE NOT HOLDIN' HIM RIGHT.
DAMN IT, MARTIN.
JUST BECAUSE I'M NOT
RAISING HIM YOUR WAY,
DOESN'T MEAN I'M RAISING HIM
THE WRONG WAY, SO BUTT OUT.
ALL RIGHT.
CAN I AT LEAST COME AND
VISIT HIM ONCE IN A WHILE?
YOU THINK YOU CAN DO IT
WITHOUT CRITICIZING ME?
YEAH, I PROMISE.
OK, YOU CAN COME VISIT.
BYE, FRANKIE. MARTIN.
ARIEL.
SEE YOU LATER, MARTIN.
[door closing]
HEY!
THAT'S MY BOY! YES!
[growling] COME ON. OH.
UH, THE BRAKE PEDAL
FEELS A LITTLE MUSHY.
WHAT IS THE POSSIBLE CAUSE?
UH, LET'S GET SOMEONE NEW
THIS TIME. HOW ABOUT FRASIER?
WHAT?
WHAT WOULD CAUSE A
MUSHY FEELING IN THE BRAKES?
I DON'T KNOW.
NILES?
UH, MUSH.
IT'S CAUSED BY A
LEAK IN THE BRAKE LINE.
GOOD, SHIRLEY. DID
EVERYBODY HEAR THAT?
HER VOICE WAS KIND OF MUFFLED.
WHAT WITH HER LIPS BEING
PRESSED UP AGAINST RANDY'S BUTT.
GUYS, THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'M
GONNA TELL YOU. KEEP IT DOWN, OK?
(Randy) A LEAK IN
THE BRAKE LINE IS,
UH, CERTAINLY A POSSIBLE CAUSE.
AH, ANOTHER CULPRIT MIGHT
BE THE WHEEL CYLINDER.
IF THE CAPS ARE
BRITTLE AND CRACKED,
UH, YOU CAN DEVELOP
A LEAK THERE, TOO.
EITHER CASE, THE HYDRAULICS...
IS THAT A FUNNY NOTE THERE?
(Randy) I ENJOY FUNNY THINGS.
WHY DON'T I SHARE
IT WITH THE CLASS?
[sighing]
DOES ANYBODY HERE READ FRENCH?
ANYONE BESIDES FRASIER?
LET ME SEE YOU GUYS
OUT IN THE HALL, PLEASE.
OOH. OOH, BUSTED.
AND BRING YOUR BOOKS AND TOOLS.
UH-OH.
WE'RE IN TROUBLE NOW. OH.
WE'RE NOT IN TROUBLE,
WE ARE TROUBLE.
PLEASE, PLEASE
DON'T THROW US OUT.
WE'LL SHUT UP. WE PROMISE.
YOU'VE PROMISED
THAT 4 TIMES TONIGHT.
SORRY, YOU'RE GONE.
BUT WHAT ARE WE GONNA TELL
OUR DAD? AND MY GIRLFRIEND?
MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF
THAT BEFORE YOU STARTED GOOFIN' OFF.
OK, OK, SO, UH,
HOW DOES THIS WORK,
RANDY? YOU... YOU... YOU MAIL US
OUR CERTIFICATES OF
COMPLETION OR WHAT?
YEAH. UH, LET ME GO GET
A PEN AND PAPER FOR YOUR
ADDRESSES. ALL RIGHTY.
[mumbling]
I'M STARTING TO THINK
HE'S NOT COMING BACK.
NOT ONLY DID WE
STINK AT AUTO CLASS,
WE STUNK AT COASTING
THROUGH AUTO CLASS.
WE BECAME BACK
ROW HOOLIGANS, NILES.
THE VERY STUDENTS WE
HATED BACK IN SCHOOL.
I ALWAYS THOUGHT
THEY WERE JUST MEAN.
NOW I REALIZE THEY WERE SIMPLY
ACTING OUT OF FRUSTRATION.
SO WHEN BILLY KRIEZEL
TRIED TO STUFF YOU
INTO YOUR LOCKER
AFTER MATH CLASS,
HE WASN'T REALLY MAD AT YOU.
HE WAS MAD AT PYTHAGORAS.
WHICH IS IRONIC, BECAUSE
A SIMPLE VOLUME EQUATION
WOULD HAVE SHOWN
HIM I COULDN'T FIT.
YOU KNOW, WE NEVER SHOULD
HAVE LIED TO DAD AND DAPHNE.
IF WE WANTED TO QUIT,
WE SHOULD HAVE JUST QUIT. YES.
IT WOULD HAVE SAVED US
A LOT OF EMBARRASSMENT.
WELL, THAT'S THE LESSON HERE.
NEVER DENY YOUR TRUE NATURE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
HONESTY.
THIS CERTIFICATE
LOOK OFFICIAL ENOUGH?
I THINK YOU FINALLY GOT IT.
2, PLEASE. YEAH.
(Frasier) ♪ HEY, BABY, I
HEAR THE BLUES A-CALLIN' ♪
♪ TOSSED SALADS
AND SCRAMBLED EGGS ♪
OH, MY.
♪ AND MAYBE I SEEM
A BIT CONFUSED ♪
♪ WELL, MAYBE, BUT
I GOT YOU PEGGED ♪
[laughing]
♪ BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ♪
♪ WITH THOSE TOSSED
SALADS AND SCRAMBLED EGGS ♪
♪ THEY'RE CALLIN' AGAIN ♪
THANK YOU!