Frasier (1993–2004): Season 8, Episode 24 - Cranes Go Caribbean - full transcript

OH, NILES, MMM-HMM.

LISTEN, WHEN CLAIRE GETS HERE,

CAN YOU GIVE US A MOMENT
OF PRIVACY, PLEASE? OF COURSE.

ACTUALLY, I'M
PLANNING ON ASKING HER

TO GO TO BELIZE WITH
ME NEXT WEEKEND.

OH, BELIZE-IMO!

YOU'D BETTER BELIZE IT.

[both chuckling]

LET'S SEE WHAT WE CAN
DO WITH ECUADOR. UM...

MAYBE LATER.

WAIT. NEXT WEEKEND?



THAT'S AWFULLY SOON.
I HOPE CLAIRE'S FREE.

WELL, ACTUALLY, LANA
TOLD ME ON THE Q.T.

THAT CLAIRE'S ALREADY GOTTEN WIND
OF THE TRIP AND SHE'S EAGER TO GO.

SO, ALL THAT'S LEFT
IS FOR ME TO ASK HER

AND ACT SURPRISED
WHEN SHE SAYS YES. WOW.

SO, MMM? ARE YOU JEALOUS?

WELL, I MIGHT BE JEALOUS,
BUT AS IT HAPPENS,

I HAVE PLANS NEXT
WEEKEND MYSELF.

YOU KNOW, DAPHNE AND I ARE
CELEBRATING ONE YEAR OF BEING TOGETHER.

NILES, THAT'S WONDERFUL. YES.

GOSH. SO WHAT DO
YOU HAVE IN STORE?

OOH, A WEEKEND ALONE
AT MY APARTMENT. UH-HUH.

SEE, WE DON'T NEED
BEACHES OR SUNSETS.

JUST A SIMPLE VICTORIAN BATHTUB



FILLED WITH CHAMPAGNE,

US AND A NON-SLIP MAT.

IT'S ROMANTIC AND YET, PRUDENT.

VERY GOOD. THANK YOU.

HERE'S WHERE I'M TAKING CLAIRE.

DO YOU THINK SHE'LL LIKE IT?

"LUSH GROUNDS,
WHITE SANDY BEACHES."

THIS HOTEL LOOKS AMAZING.
SHE'S GOING TO LOVE IT!

[Frasier chuckling]

OOH, NILES, I ALSO
TOOK THE LIBERTY

OF BUYING MYSELF A NEW
PIECE OF LUGGAGE BY MAURIZIO.

WOULD YOU CARE TO SEE IT?

MAURIZIO? TRY AND STOP
ME. I'M GREEN WITH ENVY!

[gasps] OH!

[doorbell rings]

[chuckling] OH, HELLO, CLAIRE.

HI, DAPHNE.

YOU SEEM SO HAPPY. WHAT? WHAT?

WELL, IT SEEMS NILES
IS GONNA SURPRISE ME

WITH AN EXOTIC TRIP
FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY.

HOW FUNNY. YOU KNOW, FRASIER...

I'M SO EXCITED. WE'VE ONLY RECENTLY
STARTED GOING AWAY TOGETHER.

WE WANTED TO WAIT UNTIL WE
GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER.

REALLY?

YEAH, I KNOW IT
SOUNDS OLD-FASHIONED.

BUT THERE'S NOTHING
WORSE FOR A RELATIONSHIP

THAN MOVING TOO FAST.

(Frasier) OH, HI, CLAIRE.

HELLO. HI.

I'VE JUST BEEN TELLING CLAIRE
ABOUT OUR ANNIVERSARY PLANS.

OH, YES. THERE'S
NO PLACE LIKE HOME.

RIGHT. HOME.

[both chuckling]

CLAIRE, LISTEN, UH,

I KNOW THIS IS COMING
OUT OF THE BLUE,

BUT HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO
AWAY WITH ME NEXT WEEKEND TO BELIZE?

IT SOUNDS WONDERFUL, FRASIER.

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT SAY THAT.

ONLY, HMM?

DO YOU THINK MAYBE IT'S TOO
SOON FOR US TO GO AWAY TOGETHER?

WELL, I... I DON'T KNOW.

DO YOU?

I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, I'D HATE FOR US TO GO
AWAY BEFORE WE'RE READY.

SO ARE YOU SAYING
WE'RE NOT READY?

I DON'T KNOW. ARE YOU?

I DON'T KNOW.

I... I... I JUST DON'T WANT TO
JEOPARDIZE OUR RELATIONSHIP.

WOULD WE BE?

I DON'T KNOW.

WELL,

IF WE DON'T KNOW,

MAYBE WE SHOULD WAIT.

OK. YOU KNOW BEST. YEAH.

SO, NILES, MMM-HMM.

ABOUT OUR ANNIVERSARY
WEEKEND. MMM-HMM.

I'M TRYING TO FIGURE
OUT WHAT TO BRING.

WILL YOUR APARTMENT
BE WARM THAT WEEKEND,

OR UNSEASONABLY COLD?

WELL, I, UH, KEEP THE
THERMOSTAT AT A STEADY 71,

BUT I'M FLEXIBLE
WITHIN A DEGREE OR 2.

[chuckling]

WILL WE SNORKEL?

WELL, DAPHNE, YOU'RE
MAKING ME BLUSH.

OH, NILES, STOP IT.

I KNOW ABOUT THE TRIP TO BELIZE.

I'M SORRY. I OVERHEARD YOU
TALKING TO YOUR BROTHER.

TRUST YOU TO PLAN
SOMETHING SO ROMANTIC.

OH, OH, OH, THAT ISN'T...

OH, STOP THE CHARADE.

A BATHTUB FULL OF
CHAMPAGNE, PLEASE!

WE USED TO DO
THAT IN HIGH SCHOOL.

WELL,

TURNS OUT I'M NOT
GOING TO BELIZE AFTER ALL.

CLAIRE THINKS IT MAY BE TOO
SOON FOR US TO GO AWAY TOGETHER.

OR I DO.

I FORGET WHO SPOKE LAST.

WELL, I'M SO SORRY. YOU
MUST BE DEVASTATED. WELL...

CAN I HAVE YOUR RESERVATIONS?

EXCUSE ME?

WELL, I... I'VE DECIDED
TO GO AWAY WITH DAPHNE

FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY.

WHY NOT?

I MEAN, AT LEAST ONE
OF US SHOULD HAVE

THE MOST ROMANTIC
WEEK OF HIS LIFE, HMM?

THANK YOU, FRASIER. I
ONLY WISH IT COULD BE YOU.

DO YOU SUPPOSE I COULD
BORROW YOUR NEW LUGGAGE?

THAT'S TOO FAR. MMM.

WELL, IT'S OFFICIAL.

NILES IS WHISKING ME
AWAY NEXT WEEKEND.

I'M SO EXCITED.

EACH TRIP JUST GETS
BETTER AND BETTER.

BECAUSE YOU WAITED.

I SUPPOSE.

BUT LOOKING BACK,
I CAN'T BELIEVE

WE HELD OFF FOR SO LONG.

ALL THE FUN WE MISSED.

LET'S FACE IT. WHEN
IT'S THE RIGHT PERSON,

THERE'S NO SENSE IN WAITING.

WELL, HERE WE ARE, CLAIRE.

THANK YOU.

FRASIER, ABOUT BELIZE...

OH, NOW, NOW, CLAIRE.

WE'VE MADE OUR DECISION
AND I THINK IT'S A GOOD ONE.

MAYBE IT'S NOT TOO
SOON TO GO AWAY.

GO ON.

ARE WE POSSIBLY DENYING
OURSELVES A WONDERFUL TRIP?

WELL, EXAMINING
IT FROM ALL ANGLES,

ONE COULD CERTAINLY
MAKE A CASE...

LET'S GO!

I'M ALREADY PACKED. OH!

OH, I... I BETTER RUN.

RIGHT, RIGHT. OH, I THOUGHT
WE WERE HAVING LUNCH.

WELL, IF WE'RE GOING TO BELIZE,

I'VE GOT SOME SHOPPING TO DO.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "IF"?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

[exclaiming] JUST GO SHOP!

BYE. BYE-BYE.

NILES, I'M SORRY.

I-IT TURNS OUT CLAIRE AND I
ARE GOING TO BELIZE AFTER ALL.

YOU AND DAPHNE WILL
HAVE TO GO SOMEPLACE ELSE.

W-W-WAIT. DAPHNE HAS
HER HEART SET ON BELIZE.

NILES, THIS IS NOT
"CRANES GO CARIBBEAN."

I WANT TO BE ALONE WITH CLAIRE.

HEY, GUYS.

(Frasier) OH, HI, DAD. HEY.

HI, GUYS. ARIEL,
COME AND SAY HELLO

TO FRASIER AND NILES.

SAY HELLO. HELLO.

SAY HELLO.

(both) HELLO.

SAY HELLO.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, ROZ,
THAT'S ENOUGH, PLEASE.

ARIEL JUST JOINED MARTIN'S
DOG GROUP AT THE PARK.

EDDIE WAS HIS SPONSOR.

OH, WELL.

AND ARIEL DISCOVERED SQUIRRELS.

I DISCOVERED I'M NOT THE ONLY
WOMAN USING MY DOG TO MEET MEN.

APPARENTLY, WE
ALSO HUNT IN PACKS.

COME ON, LET'S GO
GET SOME WATER.

HEY, FRASE, I GOT A
LITTLE FAVOR TO ASK YOU.

UH, DUKE AND I ARE GOING
ON A FISHING TRIP NEXT WEEK,

AND I NEED YOU TO
LOOK AFTER EDDIE.

WELL, ACTUALLY, I'VE GOT PLANS
NEXT WEEKEND, DAD. WHERE YOU GOIN'?

BELIZE!

YEAH. YEAH, I SAW THAT
BROCHURE YOU HAD LYIN' AROUND.

THE FISHING LOOKS FANTASTIC,

NOT TO MENTION THE SANDY
BEACHES AND LUSH GROUNDS.

YES, DAD, I'M FAMILIAR WITH IT.

THAT'S WHERE I'M TAKING CLAIRE.

AND I'M GOING WITH DAPHNE.

OH! WELL,

IF HE'S GOIN', I'M GOIN'.

[exclaiming]

GREAT!

WHAT THE HELL! THE
MORE THE MERRIER.

OH, BY THE WAY, THANKS FOR
DRIVING ME AND CLAIRE TO THE AIRPORT.

FRASIER, PLEASE.
ARE YOU KIDDING?

BECAUSE OF YOU, MY KIRBY
GOT A "B" IN HISTORY. A "B."

YES, IT TURNED OUT
WELL FOR BOTH OF US.

AND FOR ONCE, SOMEBODY
ELSE GOT THE GRADE

AND I GOT THE GIRL.

OH, GOD, I HOPE CLAIRE
ISN'T WAITING OUTSIDE.

THIS TRAFFIC IS TERRIBLE.

[honking]

[tires screeching]

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU SMOKED.

[coughing] I DON'T.

THE WAY YOU'RE DRIVING, I'M NOT GOING
TO DIE OF NATURAL CAUSES, ANYWAY.

GIVE ME THAT.

YOU HAVE A PROBLEM
WITH MY DRIVING?

NO, NO. IT'S FINE.

JUST WISH YOU'D PICK
A LANE, THAT'S ALL.

PICK, PICK, PICK,
PICK, PICK, PICK, PICK.

WELL, YOU'RE CERTAINLY
AN EXPERT AT THAT.

WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

IT MEANS THAT NOTHING IS
EVER GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.

YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT EVERYTHING.

THAT IS NOT TRUE.

OH, COME ON, FRASIER. I
HAVE BEEN OUT WITH YOU.

"THE WINE HAS TURNED.
THE SILVER HAS TARNISHED.

THE SERVICE IS TOO SLOW.
THE CHEESE IS RUNNY."

THAT'S FINE. IT WAS CAMEMBERT.

IF ANYTHING, IT
WASN'T RUNNY ENOUGH.

YES, I MAY HAVE
EXACTING STANDARDS,

BUT WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO
CHARACTERIZE AS FAULT-FINDING,

I THINK OF AS MY STEADFAST
REFUSAL TO SETTLE.

PLEASE, THIS NEWPORT IS MORE
ALIVE WITH PLEASURE THAN YOU ARE.

THE TRUTH IS, FRASIER, YOU
DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE HAPPY.

THAT IS RIDICULOUS.

ADMIT IT. YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT.

WANT TO SEE ME HAPPY?

YOU LEAVE MORE THAN HALF A
CAR-LENGTH BETWEEN US AND THAT TAURUS.

[tires screeching]

[crashing]

AT LEAST, WHOEVER GETS
MY SEAT ON THE PLANE

WILL BE HAPPY.

DR. CRANE.

DR. CRANE?

I UNDERSTAND YOUR
ROOM IS NOT SATISFACTORY.

[shouting] YES, I
HAD A RESERVATION

FOR AN OCEAN-VIEW SUITE

AND INSTEAD, I GOT A SINGLE ROOM

OVERLOOKING AN ABANDONED BUS!

UH, PLEASE, SIR, YOU
DON'T HAVE TO YELL.

OH, I'M SORRY!

YOU SEE, MY EARS GOT CLOGGED

SOMEWHERE ABOVE OAXACA,

AND THEY HAVEN'T POPPED YET!

NOW, IF I COULD JUST GET
THE ROOM THAT I RESERVED!

I'M AFRAID WE GAVE
YOUR ROOM AWAY.

CHECK-IN TIME IS 3:00, AND
WE NEVER HEARD FROM YOU.

LET ME SEE!

AT 3:00,

MY GIRLFRIEND AND I HAD JUST
DISEMBARKED IN PUNTA GORDA

FROM OUR PLANE THAT WAS LATE,

BECAUSE THE PILOT HAD
TO DUST SOME CROPS!

I COULD HAVE CALLED

DURING MY CONNECTING
TRACTOR RIDE,

BUT I HAD TO FIND OUT
WHICH OF 4 AIRLINES

HAD LOST MY LUGGAGE,
NOT TO MENTION...

[softly] MY EARS JUST POPPED.

CONGRATULATIONS, SIR.

I STILL WANT A BETTER ROOM!

[sighs]

FRASIER, THIS
PLACE IS WONDERFUL!

YOU SHOULD SEE THE POOL!

IT'S ALL RIGHT. MY
EARS ARE BETTER NOW.

[laughing] OH, WELL,
THAT'S GOOD NEWS.

YES, WE'RE ON A ROLL.

WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE.

OH, HELLO THERE!

OH, WE THOUGHT YOU'D DECIDED

TO HIDE IN YOUR HOTEL
ROOM ALL WEEKEND.

OH, WELL, ACTUALLY,
WE JUST GOT HERE.

WE MISSED OUR FLIGHT
THIS MORNING. OH.

OH, DEAR, WHAT HAPPENED?

WELL, LANA HAPPENED. WE WERE
ON OUR WAY TO THE AIRPORT...

FRASIER, PLEASE. THEY DON'T
NEED TO HEAR THE WHOLE STORY

AND GOD KNOWS I'M
GOOD FOR A WHILE.

SO, WHO'S UP FOR A DRINK?

OH, YES, YOU'VE GOT
TO TRY A BELIZE BOMBER.

A COUPLE OF THOSE AND
YOU'LL BE FLYING. COME ON.

PLUS, EVERY ONE YOU KILL, THEY
PUT A DECAL ON YOUR COCONUT.

YOU GO AHEAD, CLAIRE.

I'M STILL WORKING ON OUR ROOM.

FRASIER, THIS VACATION
IS GOING TO DO YOU GOOD.

THIS PLACE IS
COMPLETELY FREEING.

WOULD YOU BELIEVE THAT
TODAY I DABBLED IN PUBLIC NUDITY?

DAPHNE AND I FOUND A
SECLUDED COVE ON THE BEACH,

WE SHED OUR GARMENTS
AND SURRENDERED OURSELVES

TO THE SAND, THE SEA, AND
ONE RATHER CURIOUS GROUPER.

DON'T YOU HAVE A DIARY?

WELL, LOOK WHO
FINALLY GOT HERE. HI, DAD.

FRASE, HOW WAS YOUR FLIGHT?

OH, DON'T POKE THE BEAR, DAD.

UM, HOW WAS FISHING?

OH, DUKE AND I CAUGHT THE
BIGGEST MARLIN YOU'VE EVER SEEN.

THE SWELLS WERE HUGE. IT
TOOK US 2 HOURS TO REEL IT IN.

OH, WOW. WHERE'S DUKE?

OH, HE'S UPSTAIRS, SUNBURNED,
HEAVIN' HIS GUTS OUT.

YOU GUYS OUGHT TO
COME OUT TOMORROW.

SIR, UH, YOUR TABLE IS READY.

OH, THANKS. UH, FRASE, WHY
DON'T YOU AND CLAIRE JOIN US?

OH, NO, THANKS, DAD. WE'VE
RESERVED A ROMANTIC TABLE FOR 2

AT THE WATER'S EDGE.

OH, SAY NO MORE.

WELL, I'VE GONE ON LONG
ENOUGH ABOUT FISHING.

WHAT'D YOU GUYS DO TODAY?

OH, YOU KNOW, TOOK A SWIM,

GOT SOME SUN.

WELL, JUST MAKE SURE
YOU KEEP YOUR SUITS ON.

THE SKIPPER OF THE FISHING
BOAT HAS A TELEPHOTO LENS.

HE POSTS THE PHOTOS IN THE BAIT
SHOP UNDER "CATCH OF THE DAY."

[Martin laughing]

OH, LOOK WHO DECIDED TO JOIN US.

RIGHT. WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR TABLE?

WELL, WE WAITED AN ETERNITY FOR
OUR TABLE, BUT IT NEVER OPENED UP.

FRASIER, THIS IS FINE. LET'S
JUST TURN OUR CHAIRS AROUND.

LOOK, OCEAN VIEW.

OH, THAT'S NICE.

OH, ALL RIGHT.

[all chattering]

WOULD YOU LIKE A MENU?

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU
HAVE TO HAVE THE JOHN DORY.

NO, IT CAN'T BE ANY
BETTER THAN THIS HALIBUT.

NO, DON'T LISTEN TO 'EM.

THESE SOFT-SHELL CRABS
ARE MELTIN' IN MY MOUTH.

SORRY, SIR, BUT
WE'RE OUT OF ALL 3.

WONDERFUL.

WELL, WHAT FISH DO YOU HAVE?

WE MAKE A DECENT SWORDFISH.

DECENT!

THAT'S WHAT I TRAVELED
4,000 MILES FOR. DECENT!

YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD
PUT THAT ON YOUR MENU.

"HOME OF THE DECENT..."

I'LL HAVE THE SWORDFISH.

RIGHT.

SWORDFISH IS FINE, THANK YOU.

FRASIER, WHAT'S THE MATTER?

DIDN'T YOU HEAR? THEY'RE
OUT OF EVERYTHING...

(Claire) FRASIER.

WE'VE BOTH HAD A LONG
DAY, BUT WE'RE HERE NOW.

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST
MAKE THE MOST OF IT?

ENJOY YOURSELF. YEAH, YEAH.

I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY. YOU KNOW,
YOU'RE RIGHT. OK, NOT ANOTHER WORD.

[laughing]

WELL, AS LONG AS
EVERYONE'S HERE, MMM-HMM.

I'D LIKE TO MAKE A TOAST.

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHTY.

AH, NOTHING GIVES ME GREATER JOY

THAN TO SEE BOTH MY BOYS HAPPY.

[groaning]

MR. CRANE, IS
SOMETHING THE MATTER?

OH, IT'S REELIN' THAT FISH
IN TODAY. MY ARMS ARE SHOT.

OH, I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

[clearing throat] ANYWAY,
WHAT I WANT TO SAY...

[groaning]

DAD, DON'T BE A HERO.
PUT DOWN THE COCONUT.

[Martin groaning]

[sighs]

UH, WELL, I JUST
WANT TO SAY THAT

I'M NOT THE ONLY
FISHERMAN IN THE FAMILY.

IN FACT, I'M NOT
EVEN THE BEST ONE.

ONE YEAR AGO, AFTER 7 YEARS
OF TRYING TO GET HER TO BITE,

NILES FINALLY HOOKED DAPHNE.

AND I THINK WE'D ALL AGREE

THAT SHE'S QUITE A CATCH.

[all exclaiming]

OH, THANK YOU. HERE YOU ARE.

[clears throat]

AND, CLAIRE, I JUST
WANT YOU TO KNOW

HOW GLAD WE ARE
THAT YOU'RE HERE.

THAT'S RIGHT.

I DON'T REMEMBER FRASIER
BEING THIS HAPPY IN A LONG TIME.

THANK YOU.

OUT OF SWORDFISH, TOO.

I'M SORRY, SIR.

MAY I SUGGEST THE PEPPER STEAK?

STEAK?

THAT'S WHAT WE SHOULD
EAT AT BELIZE'S FINEST

SEAFOOD RESTAURANT?

THERE'S AN OCEAN
FULL OF FRESH FISH

NOT 15 FEET AWAY!

BUT WHY NOT TRY A SLAB
OF ARTERY-CLOGGING,

HORMONE-INJECTED,
FROZEN RED MEAT INSTEAD?

I'M SORRY, DAD. PLEASE CONTINUE.

NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. I'M DONE.

ACTUALLY, I THINK I AM, TOO.

EXCUSE ME. (Niles)
OH, OF COURSE.

CLAIRE.

[sighs]

CLAIRE!

YOU DIDN'T TELL ME
YOU HAD STEAK HERE!

CLAIRE?

(Claire) YES.

LISTEN, UH,

I... I DON'T BLAME YOU
FOR WANTING TO LEAVE.

BUT BEFORE YOU GO, I'D...

I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY THAT
I'M... I'M... I'M REALLY SORRY

FOR... FOR GETTING SO UPSET.

YOU SEE, IT'S JUST THAT
EVER SINCE I MET YOU, I...

I... I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE
PRETTY MUCH PERFECT FOR ME.

AND I GUESS I JUST WANTED OUR FIRST
TRIP TOGETHER TO BE PERFECT, TOO.

AND I THINK IT STILL CAN BE.

WHAT CAN I SAY TO
CONVINCE YOU TO STAY?

I SEE I'M OFF TO A
PRETTY GOOD START.

FRASIER, I WASN'T GOING TO
LEAVE. I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU.

I JUST STARTED TO FEEL LIKE YOU
DIDN'T WANT TO BE HERE WITH ME.

OH, GOSH, NOTHING COULD
BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH.

I MEAN, THIS WEEKEND
DOESN'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT.

LET'S JUST TRY TO HAVE FUN.

FUN? YEAH.

OH, I CAN DO THAT.

FUN'S BEEN MY NICKNAME
SINCE MATH CAMP.

MATH CAMP?

OOH.

YOU'RE JUST TRYING
TO GET ME INTO BED.

I MUST SAY

THIS TRIP HAS CERTAINLY
TAKEN A TURN FOR THE BETTER.

HMM.

I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE.

I'M HAPPY.

UTTERLY AND COMPLETELY HAPPY.

I'M GLAD, FRASIER.

I'M HAPPY, TOO.

(Claire) FRASIER?

FRASIER?

HMM?

FRASIER? HMM.

ARE YOU OK? YOU WERE
TALKING IN YOUR SLEEP.

OH, YES.

YES, I'M... I'M
OK. I'M FINE. UH...

GO BACK TO SLEEP.

HI. IT'S ME, FRASIER.

UM, LISTEN, I'M AWARE OF
THE TIME. IT'S JUST THAT...

WELL, YOU'RE THE LAST PERSON
ON EARTH I THOUGHT I'D BE CALLING,

BUT I... I HAD THIS DREAM AND I
HAD TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT.

(Lilith) OH, GOD.

I SUPPOSE YOU
EXPECT ME TO BE AWAKE

FOR THIS CONVERSATION,
DON'T YOU?

(Frasier) OK, I'LL BE BRIEF.

I-I-IT'S JUST THAT I'M ON VACATION
WITH MY GIRLFRIEND CLAIRE.

A WOMAN WHO, BY ALL CONVENTIONAL
MEASURES, IS PERFECT FOR ME.

AND YET, I'VE JUST HAD
A VIVID, SEXUAL DREAM

ABOUT SOMEONE WHO
DIFFERS FROM HER ENTIRELY.

A MAN?

NOT THAT DIFFERENT.

SOMEONE YOU'VE SLEPT WITH?

WELL, YES.

BUT IT DIDN'T WORK
OUT. YOU SEE, WE...

I WORSHIPPED HER FOR YEARS

AND THEN WE HAD A...
A PARTING OF THE WAYS

BECAUSE I-IT TURNED OUT
THAT SHE WAS JUST UNPLEASANT

AND, UH, CONFRONTATIONAL,
AND SELF-CENTERED...

FRASIER, IF YOU'RE DREAMING
ABOUT ME, JUST SAY IT.

[stuttering] NO,
LILITH, IT'S NOT YOU.

IT'S A WOMAN NAMED LANA.

WELL, IT SEEMS LIKE A
TEXTBOOK SIMPLE DREAM.

WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME?

WELL, BECAUSE YOU KNOW
ME BETTER THAN ANYBODY ELSE

AND YOU'RE A
TERRIFIC PSYCHIATRIST.

THANK YOU.

SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

[sighs]

AS A WORKING HYPOTHESIS,

I'D SAY YOU HAVE
THE HOTS FOR LANA.

NO, NO, NO, YOU SEE, MAYBE
I'M NOT MAKING MYSELF CLEAR.

YOU SEE, THE... THE WOMAN
IRRITATES ME NO END.

SHE'S ANTAGONISTIC AND...
AND OPINIONATED, CRITICAL...

OH, SO I SEE, WHAT
YOU'RE SAYING IS THAT

UNLIKE MOST WOMEN YOU'VE
DATED, SHE CHALLENGES YOU.

WELL, MAYBE SO.

BUT THAT-THAT'S NOT
THE POINT, YOU SEE.

CLAIRE IS PERFECT FOR ME.

ALL RIGHT.

WHY DOES THIS DREAM
ABOUT LANA UPSET YOU?

I DON'T KNOW.

ARE YOU SURE?

LILITH,

DO YOU THINK I KNOW
HOW TO BE HAPPY?

OF COURSE, YOU DO.

YOU JUST LIKE A CHALLENGE.

YOU'VE NEVER BEEN ONE
TO TAKE THE EASY ROAD.

WELL, IT SEEMS I'VE SKIDDED RIGHT
OFF THE ROAD THIS TIME AND INTO A DITCH.

A DEEP ONE.

WELL, YOU COULD TRY
TO THROW IT IN REVERSE

AND SPIN YOUR
WHEELS FOR A WHILE,

OR YOU COULD GET
OUT INTO THE DITCH

AND GET YOURSELF A LITTLE DIRTY.

I SEE.

LANA'S THE DITCH, RIGHT?

IT'S YOUR METAPHOR.

YES, WELL, I GUESS I'VE
GOT SOME THINKING TO DO.

THANKS FOR TALKING, LILITH.

ANYTIME.

I LOVE YOU, FRASIER.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

(Frasier) ♪ HEY, BABY, I
HEAR THE BLUES A-CALLIN' ♪

♪ TOSSED SALADS
AND SCRAMBLED EGGS ♪

OH, MY.

♪ AND MAYBE I SEEM
A BIT CONFUSED ♪

♪ WELL, MAYBE, BUT
I GOT YOU PEGGED ♪

[laughing]

♪ BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ♪

♪ WITH THOSE TOSSED
SALADS AND SCRAMBLED EGGS ♪

♪ THEY'RE CALLIN' AGAIN ♪

THANK YOU!