Frasier (1993–2004): Season 3, Episode 23 - The Focus Group - full transcript

[LOUD TAPPING]

YOU GOT SOMETHING ON YOUR MIND?

IT'S JOE.

TONIGHT'S OUR
SIX-MONTH ANNIVERSARY

BUT WE CAN'T CELEBRATE
UNTIL NEXT WEEK.

HE'S FLYING TO LAS
VEGAS WITH HIS BUDDIES.

OH, VEGAS, HUH? GREAT.

WELL, TELL HIM NOT TO MISS THE
SHOW AT THE DIAMOND LOUNGE.

"A TOPLESS HISTORY
OF THE WORLD."

IF THEY STILL GOT
THE SAME BATHSHEBA

HE'S IN FOR A TREAT.



THAT'S JUST WHERE I WANT JOE
SPENDING OUR ANNIVERSARY...

SOME SMUTTY SHOW IN VEGAS.

WHOA! IT'S VERY TASTEFUL
AND HISTORICALLY ACCURATE...

EXCEPT AT THE END WHERE
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT AND EVA BRAUN

SETTLE WORLD WAR II
BY WRESTLING IN PUDDING.

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

OH, HELLO, DR. CRANE.

DAPHNE.

WHAT DO WE OWE THIS PLEASURE?

TO AN UNSCRUPULOUS ART DEALER
WHO'S TRYING TO ROB ME BLIND.

LAST NIGHT, I WAS...

IS THIS GOING TO
BE A LONG STORY?

MODERATELY.

WALK AND TALK.



ANYWAY, I WAS AT THIS OPENING

MAKING A RATHER EMPHATIC POINT

ABOUT POINTILLISM...

AH!

WHEN I LOST THE GRIP ON
MY CANAPE AND FOUND THAT IT

BECAME AIRBORNE.

THE NEXT THING I KNOW

I'M CONFRONTED BY AN
IRATE GALLERY OWNER

DEMANDING I REIMBURSE HIM
FOR DAMAGE TO HIS PAINTING.

HOW HE COULD NOTICE
A FLECK OF FOIE GRAS

ON A JACKSON
POLLOCK IS BEYOND ME.

[CHUCKLING]

HE'S GETTING AN ESTIMATE.

I SEEM TO RECALL YOU KNOWING
A TRUSTWORTHY ART RESTORER.

YES, I DO, ACTUALLY.

SAVED MY LIFE LAST YEAR

WHEN EDDIE LICKED
MY LICHTENSTEIN.

I'LL GET YOU HIS CARD.

OH, THANK YOU.

YOU FREE FOR LUNCH TODAY?

OH, SADLY, NO.

THE RADIO STATION IS
SUBJECTING MY PROGRAM

TO SOMETHING THEY CALL A
FOCUS GROUP THIS AFTERNOON.

UH, DINNER, PERHAPS.

OH, PERFECT.

AND WHAT EXACTLY
IS A FOCUS GROUP?

THEY ACTUALLY DRAG
PEOPLE OFF THE STREET

AND MAKE THEM
LISTEN TO MY PROGRAM

THEN DUTIFULLY
RECORD THEIR OPINIONS.

HOW DEMEANING.

CAN YOU IMAGINE SIGMUND FREUD

BEING DRAGGED INTO A
ROOMFUL OF VIENNESE LAYMEN

TO HEAR, "HATE THAT OEDIPAL
THING, BUT LOVE THE PENIS ENVY."

I MEAN, REALLY.

THEY MAY MAKE ME CHANGE MY
SHOW IN DEFERENCE TO JOE SIX-PACK.

YOU'RE WORRYING TOO MUCH.

I WAS ON A FOCUS GROUP ONCE.

THAT SOUND YOU HEAR

IS A NAIL BEING
HAMMERED INTO MY COFFIN.

THEY WERE TRYING OUT
A NEW FROZEN SNACK.

IT WAS A MEATBALL WITH
THE CHEESE INJECTED

RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE.

JUST AS NATURE INTENDED.

[PHONE RINGING]

DR. NILES CRANE.

AH, SO, YOU HAVE THE ESTIMATE?

WHAT?

$4,000 TO REMOVE A MINUSCULE
GOBBET OF DUCK LIVER?!

I COULD DO THE SAME THING WITH
A Q-TIP AND SOME CLUB SELTZER.

YOU MAY WELL SAY PAY UP OR ELSE

BUT I HAVE SOMETHING
TO SAY TO YOU...

UNBELIEVABLE.

UNBELIEVABLE.

[MAN ON TV] YOU SHUT UP!

[WOMAN ON TV] NO, YOU SHUT UP.

OH, I HAVE ENOUGH AGGRAVATION

WITHOUT HAVING TO LISTEN

TO A STUPID TALK SHOW. HONESTLY.

THE ONLY LIFE FORMS

LOWER THAN THE PEOPLE

WHO APPEAR ON THOSE SHOWS
ARE THE ONES WHO WATCH THEM.

LIKE ME?

WHAT? OH, NO.

I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU WERE...

NO, THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.

ALTHOUGH I FIND IT INTERESTING
THAT I GET CRITICIZED

FOR LISTENING TO
PEOPLE'S PROBLEMS

WHEN ALL YOU DO
IS GET RICH FROM IT.

TRULY, EVEN YOU
SEE THE DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN CHEAP
SENSATIONALISM AND PSYCHIATRY.

OHH. EVEN ME.

AS IN EVEN FEEBLE-MINDED DAPHNE?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I CAN
TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN:

A TRUE GENTLEMAN AND
A CONDESCENDING PRIG.

I...

AM NOT!

HE SAID PRIGGISHLY.

FORGIVE ME IF I'M NOT
AS DOWN TO EARTH AS YOU

AND YOUR TATTOOED,
MUUMUU-WEARING BRETHREN.

YOU POMPOUS TWIT!

COUCH ZOMBIE!

SNOB! BRAT!

OH, SHUT UP!

NO, YOU SHUT UP!

WELL, I'M GLAD WE
TURNED OFF THE TV.

OH.

OH, DR. CRANE, I'M SO SORRY.

I'M JUST SO UPSET AT JOE.

I DIDN'T MEAN A WORD.

I APOLOGIZE. I HAD NO IDEA...

NO, IT'S MY FAULT. I WAS ANGRY.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO
THAT... WELL, FRIENDS?

OH, OF COURSE.

[LAUGHS]

NILES, WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

I'M NOT SURE, BUT, OH,
MAMA, IT WAS GLORIOUS.

BLOOD-POUNDING,
SARCASTIC ZINGERS FLYING.

ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU ENJOYED

FIGHTING WITH DAPHNE?

EVERY EXHILARATING MOMENT.

IT WAS PURE UNBRIDLED PASSION.

I THINK I STILL HAVE SOME OF
HER SPITTLE ON MY FOREHEAD.

OH. OHH.

WHY DID DAD TELL US NOT TO
FIGHT WITH GIRLS? IT'S WONDERFUL.

THE FRICTION BETWEEN US...

NILES.

WILL THIS BE A LONG DESCRIPTION?

VERY.

WALK AND TALK.

THE FRICTION BETWEEN US...

I COULD FEEL IT BURNING
UP MY BODY, LIKE FLAMES...

BY SHOWERING A RELUCTANT
GIRLFRIEND WITH GIFTS, BILLY

YOU'RE APPLYING A
BAND-AID TO A GAPING WOUND.

MY ADVICE IS TO FIND SOMEONE

WHO WILL RETURN
YOUR WORTHY AFFECTION

OR SOONER OR LATER, YOUR WALLET

AS WELL AS YOUR
BED, WILL BE EMPTY.

WE'RE OUT OF TIME.
THIS IS DR. FRASIER CRANE

WISHING YOU ALL
GOOD MENTAL HEALTH.

OKAY, LET'S TALK ABOUT
DR. CRANE'S SHOW.

NOW, I KNOW. YOU'VE BEEN
EYEING THIS TWO-WAY MIRROR

BUT THE ONLY PEOPLE BEHIND
THERE ARE DATA CONSULTANTS.

THERE'S NO ONE INVOLVED

WITH THE SHOW WHOSE
FEELINGS COULD BE HURT.

ANYBODY SAYS ANYTHING
BAD ABOUT ME I'LL KILL MYSELF.

OH, NOW, ROZ, RELAX.

WE DO A PERFECTLY GOOD SHOW.

ONLY A FOOL WOULD
LISTEN TO THE OPINION

OF EVERY TOM, DICK AND HARRY.

I LIKED EVERYTHING ABOUT IT.

ON THE OTHER HAND, IT'S
GOOD TO KEEP AN OPEN MIND.

AND I LIKE THAT ROZ.

I THINK HER VOICE
IS REALLY SEXY.

ESPECIALLY THAT
THROATY LAUGH OF HERS.

WOW. THAT'S NICE. I DIDN'T
KNOW I HAD A THROATY LAUGH.

YOU DO.

I'VE NOTICED IT TOO.

REALLY?

OH, YOU.

[THROATY LAUGHTER]

THE STUFF HE SAYS

REALLY SEEMS TO
MAKE A LOT OF SENSE.

HE TAKES HIS CALLERS SERIOUSLY

BUT HE CAN KID
AROUND WITH THEM TOO.

I LISTEN TO A LOT OF RADIO AND
I THINK THIS IS A GREAT SHOW.

I JUST DON'T KNOW

HOW MUCH MORE OF
THIS I CAN LISTEN TO.

MANU, I'VE NOTICED
YOU'VE BEEN QUIET.

DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY?

ME? NO.

WE'D LIKE TO HEAR YOUR
OPINION OF THE PROGRAM.

WELL, IT...

I DON'T KNOW.

UH, SOMETHING ABOUT...

I DON'T LIKE IT.

WELL...

[CLEARS THROAT]

WHO IS THIS CHEEKY
NONCONFORMIST?

WELL, LET'S SEE.

HIS NAME IS MANU HABIB.

MARRIED, NO CHILDREN,
OWNS HIS OWN NEWSSTAND.

WOW. THAT IS SO WEIRD

TO HEAR SOMEONE'S WHOLE LIFE

SUMMED UP LIKE THAT.

ROZ DOYLE, RADIO PRODUCER...

SINGLE.

[THROATY LAUGHTER]

GETTING BACK TO
YOUR THOUGHTS, MANU

YOU SAID THERE WAS SOMETHING

ABOUT THE PROGRAM
YOU DIDN'T LIKE.

CAN YOU BE MORE SPECIFIC?

WELL...

I DON'T LIKE HIM.

WHY?

I DON'T KNOW. I
JUST DON'T LIKE HIM.

I DO. I'M GOING TO
START LISTENING.

IT'S A GREAT SHOW.

YEAH, IT'S FANTASTIC.

HE'S WONDERFUL.

MY GOD, FRASIER.

THIS IS A LOVE FEST.

I CAN'T BELIEVE WE
WERE EVEN WORRIED.

"I JUST DON'T LIKE HIM."

HMM...

LOOKS LIKE OUR COFFEE'S HERE.

WHY DON'T WE TAKE A QUICK BREAK?

HEY, SPORTS FANS,
HOW'S IT GOING?

I THOUGHT THEY WERE
TESTING YOUR SHOW

ACROSS THE HALL.

YEAH, THEY ARE

BUT IT'S THE SAME OLD SAME-OLD:

GUYS LOVE ME, CHICKS
PRETEND NOT TO.

WHOA!

YOUR GROUP'S EVEN
UGLIER THAN MINE.

KNOCK IT OFF. THESE
PEOPLE HAPPEN TO LIKE US.

YOU GOT TO GET IN
THE SPIRIT OF THINGS.

THIS IS GREAT.

I LIVE FOR A MOMENT LIKE THIS.

THAT'S RIGHT.

GO FOR IT RIGHT THERE.

RIGHT THERE.

AS LONG AS YOU'RE IN THERE

GO AFTER THE HUEVOS RANCHEROS

YOU HAD FOR BREAKFAST.

HEY.

TEN BUCKS SAYS HE
EATS WHAT HE FINDS.

OH, THAT'S DISGUSTING.

COME ON.

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.

BINGO!

DO I KNOW THESE PEOPLE OR WHAT?

GO AWAY.

GET OUT OF HERE.

HI, NILES.

HEY, DAD.

MAY I ASSUME FROM
YOUR DRESS WINDBREAKER

YOU'LL BE JOINING US FOR DINNER?

YEP, BUT I'M MAKING A PITCH
THAT WE EAT AT THE TIMBER MILL.

I GOT A COUPON FROM THERE
THAT EXPIRES TOMORROW.

OOH. IF I DINE THERE
TONIGHT, SO MAY I.

HELLO, DR. CRANE.

THERE'S THE BRITISH BOBCAT.

NOW LOOK, SHE'S
STILL A LITTLE BIT

OVER THE EDGE
ABOUT THIS JOE THING

SO YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR STEP

OR YOU'LL HAVE A
REPEAT OF THIS MORNING.

WE WOULDN'T WANT THAT, WOULD WE?

CHIPS, DAPHNE?

IS THAT WISE?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY:

"MANY CHIPS MAKE
FOR CHUBBY HIPS."

WADDLE, WADDLE, WADDLE.

HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?

NO, NO. I'M GLAD IF
I'VE PUT ON A FEW.

MAYBE JOE WILL STOP
NAGGING ME TO PLUMP UP.

[DOOR OPENING]

[MARTIN] HEY, HOW
WAS THE FOCUS GROUP?

FINE, I GUESS.

OH. WELL, YOU SAID YOURSELF,
THEY DON'T MEAN ANYTHING.

YES, WELL, IT'S ONE
THING TO SAY THAT

IT'S ANOTHER TO SIT THERE
BEING PERSONALLY ATTACKED.

ONE MAN ACTUALLY SAID
"I JUST DON'T LIKE HIM."

ONLY ONE?

I'M HEALING WITH HUMOR.

I'LL STOP NOW.

I'M SURE SOMEONE MUST
HAVE SAID SOMETHING NICE.

THE OTHER 11 HAD
NOTHING BUT HIGH PRAISE.

11 OUT OF 12 LIKED YOU?
YOU SHOULD BE THRILLED.

F.D.R. DIDN'T HAVE THAT
KIND OF APPROVAL RATING.

OR CHURCHILL, FOR THAT MATTER.

CHURCHILL.

THAT CIGAR-CHOMPING GIN
BLOSSOM WITH A FACE ATTACHED.

YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT THAT.

THERE'S A KISS HELLO
TO PUT YOU OFF YOUR TEA.

I WISH I WAS ABLE TO TALK
TO THIS MAN AND ASK HIM

WHAT IT IS ABOUT ME HE
DOESN'T LIKE, BUT I CAN'T.

HE WAS TOLD HIS COMMENTS
WERE CONFIDENTIAL.

JUST FORGET IT.

LET'S GO OUT TO DINNER.

WHAT IS IT HE DOESN'T
LIKE ABOUT ME?

MY VOICE, MY MANNER?

DO I INTIMIDATE HIM?

EVERYBODY HAS TO LOVE YOU.

IT'S LIKE THAT PLAY
IN HIGH SCHOOL.

YOU GOT STANDING OVATIONS.

ALL YOUR FRIENDS
SAY YOU'RE GREAT

YOU GOT ONE LOUSY
REVIEW IN THE SCHOOL PAPER

AND YOU SULKED FOR A WEEK.
I LIKE TO THINK I'VE MATURED.

YOU WOULD HAVE
SULKED, TOO, IF YOU READ

"MR. CRANE'S ATTEMPTS
TO GYRATE HIS HIPS

"AS CONRAD, THE TEEN
IDOL, IN BYE BYE BIRDIE

MADE THIS REVIEWER
SAY 'BYE BYE BREAKFAST.'"

THAT REVIEW WAS A MASH NOTE
COMPARED TO MY FIRST DRAFT.

I KNOW JUST WHAT
YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.

I ONCE WON A DANCE
COMPETITION HANDS DOWN

BUT INSTEAD OF CELEBRATING,
I SPENT THE WHOLE NIGHT

FRETTING OVER ME ONE BAD SCORE.

SILLY HEAD.

IDIOT.

OH, I'VE STEPPED IN IT NOW.

LISTEN HERE, DR. CRANE.

YEAH, DAPHNE.

[FRASIER] DAPHNE,
REMEMBER WHAT YOU'RE LIKE

WHEN YOU'RE ARGUING WITH JOE.

CONSIDER NILES'
SITUATION; HE'S SEPARATED.

YOU CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE
EMOTIONAL SEESAW HE'S ON.

NOT TO MENTION THAT
HE MAY BE UNAWARE

HE'S ACTING LIKE A JACKASS.

OF COURSE.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

I'M SORRY.

I SHOULD BE MORE SENSITIVE.

FROM NOW ON, NOTHING YOU SAY

CAN MAKE ME CROSS WITH YOU.

I SUPPOSE I HAD THAT COMING

THOUGH, I THINK, JACKASS
WAS A TAD OVER THE LINE.

WELL, JUST CONSIDER IT
PAYBACK FOR THE HEADLINE

"CRANE'S BIRDIE LAYS AN EGG."

FRASIER, YOU GOT TO LET IT GO.

NO MATTER WHO YOU
ARE, OR WHAT YOU DO

YOU CAN'T PLEASE EVERYBODY.

WELL, I SUPPOSE MY
NEGATIVE BAGGAGE

IS JUST A POUND OR TWO
OVER THE WEIGHT LIMIT.

COME ON. LET'S GO HAVE DINNER.

THIS IS GOOD.

THIS IS HEALTHY.

I'M LETTING GO.

THERE HE IS.

THE MAN WHO DOESN'T LIKE ME.

I KNEW WE SHOULD
HAVE TAKEN TWO CARS.

WHAT THE HELL'S THE
MATTER WITH YOU?

I'M SORRY, DAD.

IT'S JUST THAT

"I JUST DON'T LIKE HIM..."

IT'S JUST NOT SPECIFIC ENOUGH.

I MEAN

WHY DOESN'T HE LIKE ME?

WHO CARES?

IF HIS POINT WAS VALID,
I WOULD DO SOMETHING.

IF IT'S NOT, I CAN DISMISS IT.

FINE. GO TALK TO HIM.

I CAN'T. HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO
KNOW I WAS PART OF THE FOCUS GROUP.

BUT YOU COULD
TALK TO HIM FOR ME.

OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

IF WE'RE GOING TO BE HERE
FOR A WHILE, LOCK THE DOORS.

RELAX, NILES. THE
NEIGHBORHOOD'S OKAY.

THE DOCKS ARE TWO
BLOCKS FROM HERE.

SO'S THE RITZ CARLTON.

EXACTLY. WE'RE CAUGHT HALFWAY

BETWEEN HEAVEN AND HELL.

ALL I WANT IS MORE
INFORMATION. DAD, PLEASE.

PLEASE GO TALK TO HIM FOR ME.

IF I GET AN ANSWER,
CAN WE GO TO DINNER?

OKAY, FINE. BUT WAIT.

NOW, YOU CAN'T JUST ASK HIM.

HE'LL KNOW THAT I SENT YOU.

GOT TO FIND SOME ARTFUL WAY
OF INTRODUCING THE SUBJECT.

AT LEAST HIDE DAD'S
HANDICAPPED SIGN.

IT SENDS A SIGNAL THAT WE'RE
INCAPABLE OF FIGHTING BACK.

SO DO YOUR SUSPENDERS.

I'VE GOT IT.

YOU'RE A BUSINESSMAN
IN TOWN FROM CHICAGO.

NO, IT'S TOO OBVIOUS.

CLEVELAND. NO ONE WOULD
PRETEND TO BE FROM CLEVELAND.

FINE. THEN WE EAT.

YOU'VE HAD A BAD SALES MONTH

AND YOU'RE DEPRESSED, YOU
SEE AN AD FOR MY SHOW ON A BUS.

YOU WERE WONDERING IF
I'M AS INTELLIGENT AS I LOOK.

WHAT?

WORD IT YOUR OWN WAY

BUT ARE WE CLEAR ON THIS NOW?

ALL RIGHT, I GOT IT.

BUSINESSMAN, CLEVELAND,
DEPRESSION, THEN EAT.

YES, DAD, EAT.

HONESTLY

SOMETIMES, YOU BECOME
SO OBSESSED ABOUT THINGS.

OH, GOD, IT'S RAINING.

HI. I'M MARTY CRANE.

MY SON'S DR. FRASIER CRANE.

HE'S IN THAT BMW.

NO, DON'T LOOK. DON'T LOOK.

OH, MY GOD, HE WAS
BEHIND THE MIRROR.

HE'S NOT MAD AT YOU.

HE JUST WANTS TO KNOW
WHY YOU DON'T LIKE HIM.

BUT I DO LIKE HIM.

NO, YOU DON'T.

YES, I DO.

NO, HE HEARD WHAT YOU SAID.

THEY LIED TO ME.

THEY LIED ABOUT THE MIRROR.

THEY LIED ABOUT THE FREE GIFT.

IF THAT'S A TOTEBAG, WHAT
THE HELL IS A FANNY PACK?

I JUST NEED YOU TO BE
A LITTLE MORE SPECIFIC.

WHAT DON'T YOU LIKE ABOUT HIM?

I CAN'T DO THIS.

I DON'T LIKE TO SAY BAD
THINGS ABOUT PEOPLE

AND YOU ARE HIS FATHER.

JUST ANSWER THIS ONE QUESTION

AND WE'LL ALL GET OUT
OF YOUR LIFE FOREVER.

YOU'RE PROMISING?

ABSOLUTELY.

ALL RIGHT.

I DON'T KNOW YOUR SON WELL

BUT, UH, I GUESS I FIND HIM

UH...

JUST A LITTLE BIT...

YEAH?

ANNOYING.

OKAY, YOU DID GOOD. THANKS.

BUT PLEASE TELL YOUR SON I AM
SORRY THAT HE ANNOYS ME SO MUCH.

WILL DO.

NOT YET. NOT YET.

NOT YET.

OKAY, UNLOCK.

ALL RIGHT, AND...

LOCK.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

GOOD. DID HE BELIEVE OUR STORY?

YEAH. THAT CLEVELAND
THING REALLY SOLD IT.

WE BETTER GO EAT BEFORE
HE SEES US TOGETHER. RIGHT.

SO, WHAT DOESN'T

HE LIKE ABOUT ME?

HE SAID YOU ANNOY HIM.

YES? HOW SO?

I DIDN'T ASK HIM WHY.

YOU DIDN'T ASK HIM?

OH, GEEZ.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT
"HE'S ANNOYING" MEANS.

WELL, IT'S CLEAR ENOUGH TO ME.

FRASIER, NOT TO
APPEAR UNSYMPATHETIC

BUT I'VE HAD MY "I'M
DANGEROUS" FACE ON SO LONG

IT'S STARTING TO HURT.

WHAT IS IT ABOUT ME HE
COULD FIND SO ANNOYING?

HE MENTIONED SOMETHING
ABOUT NOT LETTING AN OLD MAN EAT.

OH, IT'S JUST CLEAR

I'M GOING TO HAVE TO
DO THIS MYSELF, ISN'T IT?

HERE.

WHO ARE YOU CALLING?

I PRESSED 911 AND
I'M KEEPING MY FINGER

POISED OVER THE SEND BUTTON

IN CASE THERE'S TROUBLE
WITH THOSE HOOLIGANS.

OH, THE U.P.S. MAN OR THE LITTLE
GIRLS PLAYING IN THE PUDDLES?

HELLO.

HELLO.

I CAN HELP YOU.

UM, YES, YES.

YOU WERE RECENTLY SPEAKING
WITH A SALESMAN FROM CLEVELAND.

I DON'T THINK SO.

IT WAS JUST FIVE MINUTES AGO.

HE LEFT YOU AND
WENT OVER TO THAT CAR.

OH, GOD, NO.
YOU'RE HIM. IT'S YOU.

I REALLY DON'T
MEAN TO BOTHER YOU

BUT I WOULD LIKE TO JUST
TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE.

I LIKE YOUR SHOW. NO, YOU DON'T.

I LIKE YOUR SHOW AND I LIKE YOU.

NO, YOU DON'T. THAT
MAN WAS MY FATHER.

I LIKE YOUR FATHER.

THAT'S VERY DELIGHTFUL.

BUT YOU TOLD HIM THAT
YOU FIND ME ANNOYING.

YOU DID. THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

I DON'T MIND
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM

BUT BE MORE SPECIFIC.

WHAT IS IT ABOUT ME THAT
YOU FIND SO ANNOYING?

YOU'RE NOT ANNOYING.

YES, I AM.

WOULD I BE HERE IF I WASN'T?

I'VE ENJOYED TALKING
TO YOU VERY MUCH

BUT NOW IT'S TIME FOR MY BREAK.

NO!

OH, BOY.

I'M SO SORRY.

I AM A STICKY MESS.

LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT.

NO, NO, NO, IT'S FINE.

MANU?

DRIVE SAFELY.

OW! OH!

OH, DEAR GOD. I'M SO SORRY.

NO, NO.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

LET ME LOOK AT IT.

I AM A DOCTOR.

I'LL JUST GO TO THE
RESTAURANT TO PUT ICE ON IT.

I'LL HOLD DOWN THE FORT HERE.

GLAD TO BE OF HELP.

HE'S CRUSHED THE
GENTLEMAN'S HAND

AND NOW, HE APPEARS TO BE
COMMANDEERING HIS NEWSSTAND.

UH-HUH.

OH, LORD. SMOKING,
IN THE WORST PLACES.

IT'S VILE.

HOW MUCH FOR THE PAPER?

AH, YES, UH, WELL, UH...

IT WOULD BE, UH, OH, 50 CENTS.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

THERE WE ARE.

ARE YOU DR. CRANE
FROM THE RADIO?

WHY, YES, I AM.

I NEVER MISS YOUR SHOW.

I LOVE YOU.

I GUESS YOU GET
TIRED OF HEARING THAT.

OH, OCCUPATIONAL HAZARD.

UM, WOULD YOU MIND?

I WOULDN'T MIND AT ALL.

TO AMANDA.

AMANDA.

MM-HMM. IT'S A PLEASURE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ANYWAY?

OH, OH, WELL, YOU
SEE, LET ME EXPLAIN.

YOU SEE, THE RADIO
STATION CONDUCTED

A LITTLE AUDIENCE SURVEY TODAY

AND ALTHOUGH THE
RESPONSE WAS FAVORABLE

FROM 11 OUT OF 12
OF THE PARTICIPANTS...

IS THAT SMOKING?

SOME PEOPLE MIGHT
CONSIDER IT SMOKING

BUT FOR ME, A PERFECTIONIST...

FIRE!

FIRE?

OH, GOOD HEAVENS.

OH, MY GOD!

OH, MY GOD.

FRASIER SET HIS
NEWSSTAND ON FIRE.

MM-HMM.

UH...

UM... MAY I?

I KNOW THERE'S NOTHING
I CAN SAY RIGHT NOW

THAT WOULD MAKE
YOU FEEL ANY BETTER.

BUT REST ASSURED

I WILL BE FINANCIALLY
RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING.

ALL THIS

BECAUSE YOU HAD TO
KNOW WHY I DO NOT LIKE YOU.

WELL, YOU WERE KIND OF VAGUE.

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?

I'LL TELL YOU WHY.

I THINK YOU ARE A SMARTY-PANTS.

I WAS TOO POLITE
TO SAY THAT BEFORE

BUT THEN YOU SPIED ON ME

YOU STALKED ME, YOU BADGERED ME

YOU POURED YOO-HOO
DOWN MY DOCKERS

YOU CRUNCHED MY HAND.

AS IF ALL THAT WAS NOT ENOUGH

YOU BURNED DOWN MY
NEWSSTAND, MY LIVELIHOOD...

A GIFT TO ME FROM
MY BELOVED UNCLE

MAY HE REST IN PEACE.

WAS THAT SO HARD?

[CAPTIONING SPONSORED BY
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION, NBC]

[CAPTIONED BY THE CAPTION CENTER
WGBH EDUCATIONAL FOUNDATION]