Frasier (1993–2004): Season 3, Episode 22 - Frasier Loves Roz - full transcript
Roz is going to a wedding as a bridesmaid, and has to wear a revolting lime-green dress to make sure the bride is radiant by comparison. The occasion starts her thinking about settling down, instead of moving from one brief relationship to another, and Frasier suggests she look for a man with more substance than superficial flash. Soon afterwards, he and Niles see her in Café Nervosa with someone, whom Niles recognizes as his least favorite patient: a compulsive womanizer called Ben Collins. He shares this detail with Frasier, but in the strictest confidence as one therapist to another, and as a result Frasier cannot tell Roz why she is dating the wrong man without contravening his professional ethics. He still tries to convince her, without giving a reason, and after a conversation with Daphne, Roz begins to wonder if he is doing this out of more than just friendship.
GO AHEAD, TOM. I'M LISTENING.
HI, DR. CRANE.
UM, IT'S ABOUT MY GIRLFRIEND.
MY PROBLEM IS, I DON'T KNOW
IF I LOVE HER FOR HERSELF
OR BECAUSE THINGS ARE SO
GREAT BETWEEN US PHYSICALLY.
HOW LONG YOU TWO BEEN TOGETHER?
SIX YEARS.
AND THE SEX IS STILL THAT GOOD?
MAN, EVERY MORNING,
NIGHT AND THREE TIMES A DAY
ON WEEKENDS, BUT I'M NOT SURE
WE HAVE MUCH ELSE IN COMMON.
COMMON INTERESTS ARE, OF
COURSE, THE FOUNDATION OF...
THREE TIMES, YOU SAY?
IS THAT ABNORMAL?
WELL, NO. NO, UH,
IT'S NOT ABNORMAL.
IT'S NOT FAIR, BUT
IT'S NOT ABNORMAL.
BUT PERHAPS YOU
SHARE MORE THINGS
THAN YOU THINK YOU DO, ACTUALLY.
TRY THIS. PICK UP A CATALOG
FROM THE LOCAL UNIVERSITY
GO THROUGH IT WITH HER
AND SEE IF THERE ARE ANY COURSES
YOU'D LIKE TO TAKE TOGETHER.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
THANKS, DOC. HAVE
A GREAT WEEKEND.
WELL, I'D WISH YOU THE SAME,
BUT IT HARDLY SEEMS NECESSARY.
WELL, THAT'S IT
FOR TODAY, SEATTLE.
THIS IS DR. FRASIER CRANE
WISHING YOU ALL
GOOD MENTAL HEALTH.
NILES CALLED FROM THE AIRPORT.
HE WANTS YOU TO CALL HIM BACK.
HE SOUNDED FRANTIC.
I'LL CALL HIM FROM THE CAR.
HE'S FLYING TO A
CONFERENCE IN SWITZERLAND.
I PROMISED TO TALK
HIM THROUGH IT.
SURELY HE'S FLOWN BEFORE.
WELL, NOT COACH. OH.
ROZ, IS THIS THE DRESS
YOU'RE WEARING TO THE WEDDING?
I HAVE TO. I'M A BRIDESMAID.
IS THERE ANY REASON
IT HAS TO BE SO..?
HIDEOUS?
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE.
SO, THAT WAY, THE BRIDE
BY COMPARISON, WILL GLOW.
NEXT TO THIS BABY
SHE'LL LIGHT UP
LIKE A BUG ZAPPER.
OF ALL MY FRIENDS IN WISCONSIN
THIS GIRL'S THE
LAST ONE I THOUGHT
WOULD BEAT ME TO THE ALTAR.
NOT THE DAIRY STATE'S
COMELIEST CHUNK OF CHEDDAR?
SHE WORKS IN HER
FATHER'S ICE CREAM PARLOR
AND SHE EATS HER MISTAKES.
THE GROOM'S FAMILY MAKES CONES.
OH, WELL, WE DON'T NEED
FREUD FOR THAT, DO WE?
OH, THE WHOLE THING
IS JUST SO DEPRESSING.
LATELY, EVERYONE I
KNOW IS SETTLING DOWN
GETTING MARRIED
HAVING CHILDREN...
WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?
DO YOU WANT ME TO ANSWER
AS A FRIEND OR A THERAPIST?
AS A FRIEND.
SEE A THERAPIST. FRASIER!
WELL, I THINK YOUR WHOLE PROBLEM
STEMS FROM SOME
UNRESOLVED ISSUES
THAT CAUSE YOU TO
CHOOSE THE MEN YOU DATE...
ALWAYS FLASHY AND SUPERFICIAL
OFFERING NO PROSPECT
OF A LASTING RELATIONSHIP.
WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
MAYBE FEAR OF COMMITMENT
FEAR OF BEING HURT.
MAYBE IT'S TIME YOU
STARTED LOOKING
AT DIFFERENT KINDS OF MEN
MEN WHO ARE MORE SETTLED.
A LITTLE LESS FLASH
AND MORE SUBSTANCE.
YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT, FRASIER.
IF I WERE SMART, I'D GO OUT
WITH THE NEXT GUY I SEE I'M NOT
THE LEAST BIT ATTRACTED TO.
ROZ, ROZ, I JUST BIT MY TONGUE.
CAN YOU KISS IT
AND MAKE IT BETTER?
THE NEXT ONE AFTER HIM.
UH, DOC, DOC...
HERE'S MY VIDEO CAMERA.
THANK YOU, BULLDOG.
WHAT DO YOU NEED IT FOR?
TO RECORD MY FATHER.
I WANT TO HAVE HIS LIFE ON TAPE
SO THAT FREDERICK CAN ENJOY IT.
WHAT A GOOD IDEA.
WHOA! THAT'S THE
UGLIEST THING I EVER SAW.
I'M GOING TO A WEDDING.
I LOVE WEDDINGS.
NEVER BEEN TO ONE
WHERE I DIDN'T BAG A BRIDESMAID.
AND THE UGLIER THE DRESS
THE QUICKER THEY WANT
TO GET OUT OF THEM.
THIS ONE WOULD HIT THE FLOOR
BEFORE THE RICE.
I GOTTA GET GOING.
CAN YOU BELIEVE I ACTUALLY
HAVE TO BE SEEN IN PUBLIC IN THIS?
IT'S ONLY FOR A FEW
HOURS. AFTER THAT
YOU CAN DONATE IT
TO THE SALVATION ARMY
AND ONE DAY MAKE SOME
IRISH DRAG QUEEN VERY HAPPY.
WHY GO TO SWITZERLAND
WITHOUT SPENDING A DAY SKIING?
SO I DUCKED OUT
OF THE CONFERENCE
AND WHO SHOULD I
RUN INTO BUT MARIS.
SHE'D JUST FLOWN IN
FOR HER YEARLY GOAT
PLACENTA TREATMENTS.
GOOD LORD.
IS IT PLACENTA TREATMENT
TIME AGAIN ALREADY?
WE HAD A SET-TO ON
THE SLOPES. SHE RAN.
I TRIED TO FOLLOW HER
TRACKS IN THE SNOW
BUT ALAS, SHE MADE NONE.
OH, DEAR.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
I JUST SPOTTED SOMEONE.
IT'S MY LEAST FAVORITE PATIENT.
MAN IS A COMPULSIVE WOMANIZER.
HE GOES THROUGH SO MANY WOMEN
HE CALLS THEM ALL BY THE SAME
ODIOUS NICKNAME, "SUNSHINE"
TO AVOID SLIP-UPS.
OH, GOD.
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN
YOU DON'T LIKE A PATIENT?
IT'S A TRICKY SUBJECT, ISN'T IT?
HOW LONG HAVE
YOU BEEN SEEING HIM?
SIX MONTHS. WE'VE MADE
NO PROGRESS WHATSOEVER.
SOMETIMES I FEEL HE COMES IN
NOT SO MUCH FOR HELP AS TO BRAG.
HE CLAIMS TO HAVE BEEN WITH
AT LAST COUNT, 150 WOMEN.
OH, PLEASE.
A HUNDRED AND FIFTY.
AS IF ANYTHING OVER, SAY,
SEVEN WEREN'T ABSURD.
WELL, I WOULD SAY ELEVEN,
BUT I GET YOUR POINT.
OH, NOW SERVING 151.
GOOD GOD!
HE'S HERE TO SEE ROZ?
YES. THEY MET WHEN SEALY
POSTUREPEDIC NAMED THEM
MAN AND WOMAN OF THE YEAR.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!
SHE'S BEEN... VERY
VULNERABLE LATELY.
I CAN'T STICK AROUND.
I'D LIKE TO LEAVE BEFORE
SHE MAKES INTRODUCTIONS.
I'VE GOT TO WARN HER.
WARN HER HOW?
WHAT I TOLD YOU WAS
IN STRICT CONFIDENCE...
THERAPIST TO THERAPIST.
YOU CAN'T GO REPEATING IT.
ALL RIGHT. OF
COURSE YOU'RE RIGHT
BUT, UH...
THAT IS THE LAST MAN
THAT ROZ SHOULD BE WITH.
DON'T WORRY. KNOWING
ROZ, HE WON'T BE.
HEY, FRASIER!
OH, ROZ...
I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE
YOU TO SOMEONE.
THIS IS BEN COLLINS.
FRASIER CRANE. PLEASURE.
LIKEWISE.
IS IT ALL RIGHT IF WE JOIN YOU?
WHY NOT?
I'LL GRAB OUR COFFEES.
GREAT.
HE IS THE GREATEST GUY.
WHEN I FIRST MET HIM
I THOUGHT, "HE'S NOT MY TYPE"
BUT I'M SO GLAD
YOU GAVE ME THAT ADVICE
BECAUSE I WOULD HAVE NEVER
GIVEN HIM A SECOND LOOK.
WELL, ROZ, LET'S NOT RULE OUT
THAT ALL-IMPORTANT THIRD LOOK.
WOULD YOU STOP WORRYING
ABOUT ME, FRASIER?
THIS ONE'S DIFFERENT.
I CAN TELL HE REALLY
CARES ABOUT ME.
HERE YOU GO, SUNSHINE.
OH, THANK YOU.
WHY CAN'T YOU BE
LIKE OTHER DOGS?
WHY CAN'T YOU BRING HOME
BONES OR ANIMALS YOU KILL?
GIVE ME THOSE.
RELAX.
I'M JUST GOING TO PUT THEM
WITH THE ROSES YOU
PICKED YESTERDAY.
OH, HEY, DAD.
FRESH FROM YOUR WALK.
NOW MIGHT BE A
GOOD A TIME AS ANY
TO CRANK UP THE OLD CAMCORDER.
NAH. MAYBE LATER.
YOU'VE BEEN SAYING
NO FOR WEEKS NOW.
GEE, SOME PEOPLE WILL
TAKE THAT FOR A HINT.
YOU JUST HAVE TO SIT
AND TALK ABOUT YOUR LIFE.
LIFE'S GOT NOTHING
TO DO WITH IT.
THIS IS ABOUT ME DYING
AND YOU HAVING SOMETHING
TO LOOK AT AFTER I'M DEAD.
WHOLE THING GIVES ME THE CREEPS.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE REFUSING
TO RECORD YOUR HISTORY...
A STORY THAT ONLY YOU,
MARTIN CRANE CAN TELL
BECAUSE IT GIVES YOU THE CREEPS.
OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU
THE REAL TRUTH.
MY INDIAN HERITAGE FORBIDS IT.
I'M AFRAID YOUR MAGIC BOX
WILL ROB ME OF MY SPIRIT.
WHY ARE YOU BEING SO
NEGATIVE ABOUT THIS?
IT'S NOT FOR WHEN YOU'RE DEAD.
IT'S FOR WHEN YOU'VE
LOST YOUR MIND.
HEY, FRASIER.
HELLO, ROZ.
WHY, AFTER WAITING
FOR 45 MINUTES
DID I ASSUME YOU'D
FORGOTTEN OUR APPOINTMENT?
I'M SORRY, BUT I WAS ON
MY WAY OUT AND BEN CALLED.
OH, YES, BEN.
WHAT'S WITH YOU?
EVERY TIME I BRING HIM
UP, YOU MAKE THAT FACE.
I'M GETTING THE SENSE YOU
DON'T LIKE HIM THAT MUCH.
IT'S JUST THAT I KNOW
SOMETHING ABOUT BEN.
WHAT?
HE'S A LITTLE OLD FOR YOU.
HE'S 36.
WHEN YOU WERE A
FRESHMAN, HE WAS A SENIOR.
THAT NEVER WORKS OUT.
I'M GETTING MY BRIEFCASE.
I'LL GO GET A COKE.
OH, HEY, DAPHNE.
HELLO, ROZ.
HOW ARE YOU?
OKAY.
CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?
DOES FRASIER SEEM
WEIRD TO YOU..?
OH, GOD, YES.
I DIDN'T FINISH MY QUESTION YET.
WHEN YOU KNOW THE ANSWER,
IT'S HARD NOT TO HIT THE BUZZER.
WELL, THIS IS STRANGE.
I MEAN, FOR THE
FIRST TIME IN YEARS
I'M IN A REALLY
SOLID RELATIONSHIP
AND INSTEAD OF BEING HAPPY
FOR ME, FRASIER SEEMS UPSET.
THAT IS ODD.
UNLESS...
UNLESS WHAT?
WELL, DR. CRANE
IS JEALOUS OF BEN
BECAUSE HE WANTS
YOU FOR HIMSELF.
HUH?
OH... NO!
YES.
NO.
WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE? FRASIER?
YOU REALLY THINK SO?
DAPHNE, NO. NO WAY.
NO, HE DOESN'T.
FRASIER IS THE ONE WHO TOLD ME
TO FIND MYSELF A NEW BOYFRIEND
SOMEONE WHO IS
SETTLED AND NURTURING
SOMEONE WITH
SUBSTANCE OVER FLASH.
THEY COULD PUT THAT ON
DR. CRANE'S TOMBSTONE.
OH, COME ON. NO WAY.
YES. THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE.
WHAT?
I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T
TELL YOU THIS
BUT EARLIER THIS MORNING
DR. CRANE WAS ON THE
PHONE WITH HIS BROTHER
AND HE SAID THAT YOUR
RELATIONSHIP WITH BEN
WAS DRIVING HIM CRAZY
AND THAT HE WAS DYING
TO TELL YOU BUT HE CAN'T.
OH, MY GOD!
DID YOU HEAR HIM SAY THAT?!
I CERTAINLY DID.
THIS IS TOO WEIRD.
WHAT WILL I SAY?
MAYBE I DON'T HAVE
TO SAY ANYTHING.
MAYBE HE'LL JUST SEE
HOW HAPPY I AM WITH BEN.
BEN, BEN, BEN! MY GOD! ROZ,
WILL YOU JUST DROP IT WITH BEN
FOR A MINUTE AND PAY
SOME ATTENTION TO ME?!
OKAY.
MORNING, ROZ.
HI, FRASIER.
MY, YOU LOOK LOVELY.
THAT OUTFIT IS
FLATTERING. THANKS.
I THINK THIS CALLS FOR A HUG.
OH, I DON'T LOOK THAT GOOD.
OH, NO, NO. NO, ROZ. LOOK.
THE RATINGS ARE IN AND WE
DID BETTER IN OUR TIME SLOT
THIS WEEK THAN EVER BEFORE!
I MEAN, CONGRATULATIONS,
PARTNER.
SAY, YOU KNOW, WHY DON'T
WE HAVE DINNER TONIGHT
CELEBRATE.
THAT SOUNDS SO FUN
BUT I KIND OF HAVE PLANS.
SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
ANOTHER TIME, PERHAPS.
YEAH, SURE.
THAT SOUNDS GREAT.
WHEN WILL YOU RETURN
MY VIDEO CAMERA?
I GOT A HOT DATE TONIGHT.
I WANT TO RECORD CERTAIN
EVENTS FOR POSTERITY
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
UH, TOMORROW, BULLDOG.
WELL, MAYBE TONIGHT,
YOU COULD JUST HAVE
A POLICE SKETCH ARTIST
CROUCH ON YOUR BALCONY.
SO, MOM, LET ME
ASK YOU SOMETHING.
HOW LONG DID YOU KNOW DAD
BEFORE YOU TOLD HIM YOU LOVED HIM?
MOM... MOM? MOM!
YOU'VE BEEN DIVORCED
15 YEARS. LET IT GO.
LISTEN, BEN IS COMING
OVER TO DINNER TONIGHT
AND I THINK I'M GOING
TO TELL HIM I LOVE HIM.
I HAVE TO GET TO WORK. BYE!
OH, I'M SORRY, ROZ. I
SHOULD HAVE KNOCKED.
IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY.
I COULDN'T HELP OVERHEARING
THE LAST PART OF YOUR
CONVERSATION THERE.
DO YOU THINK MAYBE YOU'RE
NOT RUSHING THINGS WITH BEN?
I MEAN, ARE YOU
REALLY THAT SERIOUS?
YES, I AM.
YES, WELL, YOU KNOW
THERE ARE A LOT OF
OTHER MEN IN THE WORLD.
AND LOTS OF WOMEN TOO.
WELL, THAT'S MORE OF A
PERSONAL PREFERENCE, BUT...
I MEANT FOR YOU.
LOOK, FRASIER, WHAT
I'M TRYING TO SAY IS
I KNOW YOU HAVE A
PROBLEM WITH ME AND BEN
BUT WE'RE HAPPY TOGETHER.
WELL, YOU'VE ONLY BEEN
GOING OUT FOR A MONTH.
WELL, SOMETIMES THAT'S
ALL IT TAKES. 15 SECONDS.
LISTEN, FRASIER...
I'D LIKE TO THINK THERE'S
SOME SMALL PART OF YOU
THAT'S HAPPY FOR ME.
AFTER ALL, IT WAS YOUR ADVICE
THAT GOT ME THIS FAR.
OF COURSE I'M HAPPY FOR YOU.
ME AND MY STUPID ADVICE.
WE'LL BE WITH YOU FOR THE
NEXT THREE HOURS, SEATTLE.
I'M NOT DOING IT. IT'S MORBID.
IT'S NOT MORBID, AND
BESIDES, IF YOU DON'T DO IT,
THE ONLY FOOTAGE WE'LL
HAVE OF YOU IN THE ARCHIVES
IS YOU PRETENDING YOUR STOMACH
WAS A FACE THAT SUMMER AT THE LAKE.
IF IT'LL SHUT
YOU UP, I'LL DO IT.
THANKS, DAD.
WE'LL MAKE THIS QUICK AND EASY.
IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE WEARING?
FORGET IT.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
HERE WE GO. WAIT.
OKAY.
MY NAME'S MARTIN CRANE.
WHEN I MADE THIS
TAPE, I WAS 64 YEARS OLD
BUT NOW I'M DEAD!
TRAPPED IN A BOX UNDERGROUND.
PRETTY SCARY, HUH?
DAD, SURELY YOU MUST HAVE
SOME MESSAGE YOU WANT TO LEAVE
FOR THE CRANES OF
THE 21ST CENTURY?
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I DO.
REMEMBER TO ALWAYS WORK
HARD AND THAT FAMILY COMES FIRST
AND... I HAVE A MILLION
BUCKS IN UNMARKED BILLS
THAT I TOOK OFF A DRUG
DEALER THAT I HAVE STASHED
IN MY OLD ARMY FOOTLOCKER.
THE COMBINATION IS, LEFT 15...
RIGHT 32...
LE...
FUTURE GENERATIONS, SEE
WHAT I HAD TO PUT UP WITH?
HELLO.
HELLO.
THIS MEANS WE'RE FINISHED?
UNLESS YOU WANT FUTURE
GENERATIONS TO SEE ME GO TO THE CAN.
NILES, ACTUALLY, I'M
GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
I HAVE TO TALK ABOUT ROZ.
NO, I'VE BREACHED MY
ETHICS ONCE ALREADY.
THINGS ARE DESPERATE!
NO, NO, NO.
NILES, SHE PLANS TO TELL
HIM THAT SHE LOVES HIM!
GIVEN WHAT YOU'VE TOLD
ME ABOUT BEN'S PATTERNS
THAT'LL BE THE END AND
ROZ'LL BE SHATTERED.
THERE'S GOT TO BE SOME LOOPHOLE
IN THIS CONFIDENTIALITY RULE
THAT WOULD ALLOW ME TO WARN HER
AND STILL PRESERVE YOUR ETHICS.
NILES! HELP ME
GO THROUGH THESE TEXTBOOKS.
I'LL HAVE NO PART OF THIS.
PLEASE, NILES! THINK OF ROZ!
I'M THINKING OF MY LICENSE.
THINK OF WHAT FREUD
SAID... "WE ARE NEVER
SO HELPLESSLY UNHAPPY
AS WHEN WE LOSE LOVE."
OH, ALL RIGHT.
BUT THAT WAS DIRTY POOL
USING A FREUD QUOTATION.
I'M SORRY.
IT'S THE CRANE BOY" KRYPTONITE.
I KNOW, I KNOW.
THANK YOU.
SAY, HERE'S A POSSIBILITY.
ACCORDING TO THIS, IT
SAYS WE CAN WARN HER
IF HE PLANS TO DO
HER BODILY HARM.
DOES HE? NO.
DAMN!
IT WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER IF
ROZ WERE MENTALLY INCOMPETENT.
GO ON.
THEN THERE WOULD
BE SOME JUSTIFICATION
FOR PROTECTING HER.
IS SHE IRRATIONAL?
SHE DID ATTACK A
VENDING MACHINE ONCE
WHEN A TWINKIE CAME
OUT OF THE YODEL SHOOT.
BORDERLINE, BORDERLINE.
DOES SHE EVER ACT DELUSIONAL?
SHE CLAIMS RESPONSIBILITY
FOR OUR SHOW'S SUCCESS.
BUILDING, BUILDING.
DOES SHE DISPLAY
BELOW-AVERAGE INTELLIGENCE?
SHE ONCE ORDERED A
BOTTLE OF WHITE ZINFANDEL!
JACKPOT!
GO TO HER. SHE'S A
THREAT TO HERSELF.
IT'S AMAZING THEY EVEN
LET THE WOMAN DRIVE.
WHO IS IT?
IT'S FRASIER.
OH, MY GOD. WHAT HAPPENED?
HE DUMPED ME, FRASIER!
OH! OH, HONEY!
COME HERE.
OH, GOD.
EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT
UNTIL I SAID, "I LOVE YOU, BEN."
THEN HE GOT THIS
LOOK ON HIS FACE
LIKE HE'D TAKEN A WRONG TURN
IN A REALLY BAD NEIGHBORHOOD.
HE DIDN'T EVEN
TOUCH HIS CHAMPAGNE.
OH, I'M SORRY, ROZ.
UM...
HERE.
THANK YOU.
WHEN YOU...
WHEN YOU...
PROFESSED YOUR
LOVE FOR HIM, UH...
WERE YOU DRESSED LIKE THAT?
NO.
AFTER HE LEFT, I
WENT IN TO CHANGE
AND I SAW ALL THESE
OLD BRIDESMAID DRESSES
HANGING IN THE CLOSET.
THAT'S WHEN IT HIT ME.
THAT'S WHAT I AM!
A BRIDESMAID!
I MIGHT AS WELL
WEAR THE UNIFORM!
OH, ROZ!
NO, NO! NOW, NOW.
THERE. COME ON, COME ON.
NOW, LOOK, YOU KNOW
I FIND THAT WHENEVER I'M LOW
IT ALWAYS LIFTS MY SPIRITS
WHEN I JUST SPRUCE UP A BIT.
SO, IT WOULDN'T HURT
TO RUN A BRUSH
THROUGH YOUR HAIR...
OR THROUGH YOUR TEETH.
OH, GOD!
I MUST LOOK AWFUL.
NO, NO. NOT AT ALL.
YOU'RE A BIG, FAT LIAR.
BUT YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT BEN
AND I JUST DIDN'T SEE IT.
WHAT MADE YOU COME
OVER HERE, ANYWAY?
WELL, ACTUALLY
I WAS COMING OVER
TO TAKE ONE LAST STAB
AT CONVINCING YOU THAT BEN
WAS THE WRONG MAN FOR YOU.
YOU DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER, ROZ.
OH, YEAH...
I'M A REAL CATCH.
OH, HELL.
LOOK, NO...
THINGS REALLY AREN'T
ALL AS DARK AS THEY SEEM.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL,
INTELLIGENT, DESIRABLE...
LET ME JUST TAKE A
STAB AT THAT, WILL YOU?
I CAN'T IMAGINE ANY MAN
NOT THINKING HIMSELF
THE LUCKIEST IN THE
WORLD TO BE WITH YOU.
YOU REALLY DO THINK
THAT, DON'T YOU?
YES. I'M SURPRISED
YOU EVEN HAVE TO ASK.
I GUESS I DIDN'T.
I'VE KNOWN THAT YOU'VE HAD THESE
ROMANTIC FEELINGS TOWARDS ME
FOR A WHILE.
WHAT?
OH, COME ON.
DON'T DENY IT.
THOSE HINTS ABOUT
FINDING SOMEONE
WITH SUBSTANCE OVER STYLE...
THE WAY YOU HATED BEN.
THEN DAPHNE TOLD
ME SHE OVERHEARD YOU
TELLING NILES THAT YOU
COULDN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT ME
AND WANTED TO TELL ME THE TRUTH.
DAPHNE TOLD YOU THAT?
DON'T BE MAD AT HER.
NO, I'M NOT. IT'S JUST
THAT WHEN SHE SAID THAT...
NO, IT'S OKAY. I'M
GLAD SHE TOLD ME.
THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME
FROM COMPLETELY
FALLING APART RIGHT NOW
IS KNOWING THAT SOMEONE LIKE
YOU COULD BE INTERESTED IN ME.
WELL, THEN THERE'S...
NO POINT IN
DENYING IT, IS THERE?
YOU KNOW
MAYBE THE IDEA OF YOU
AND ME ISN'T SO CRAZY.
YOU ARE THE KIND OF
MAN I SHOULD BE WITH.
SMART... GENTLE...
OW! I SAID "GENTLE"!
OH, I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY, ROZ.
UH, YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST THAT
THERE ARE SO MANY...
I KNOW, I KNOW.
WORKPLACE ROMANCES ALWAYS FAIL.
EXACTLY MY POINT.
AND I'M ON THE REBOUND.
I'VE GOT TO GIVE
MYSELF TIME TO HEAL.
YES, YES. LOTS OF TIME.
ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU
ARE THE ONE WHO SAYS
THE BEST RELATIONSHIPS START
WITH FRIENDSHIP, AREN'T YOU?
I DO SAY THAT, YES. IT'S TRUE.
AND WE ARE FRIENDS, AREN'T WE?
WE'RE VERY GOOD FRIENDS.
RIGHT NOW, WE ARE BOTH FREE.
WELL, IN MY CASE,
IT'S PAINFULLY FREE.
YOU KNOW, MAYBE IF WE...
BOTH WENT INTO IT
WITH OUR EYES OPEN...
WHAT AM I SAYING? ROZ, I...
THIS IS REALLY CRAZY.
MY RELATIONSHIP
WITH YOU IS PROBABLY
THE HEALTHIEST ONE
I'VE EVER HAD WITH A MAN.
I DON'T WANNA SCREW THAT
UP. NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU
IS PROBABLY THE BEST ONE
I'VE EVER HAD WITH A WOMAN.
NOT THAT IT'S BEEN MUCH
OF A HORSE RACE, BUT...
TO FRIENDSHIP.
HERE'S HOPING
THE NEXT TIME YOU
TELL A MAN YOU LOVE HIM
HE SAYS IT BACK.
WELL, LET'S SEE.
I LOVE YOU, FRASIER.
I LOVE YOU, TOO, ROZ.
YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT?
YEAH.
WELL, I'D BETTER RUN.
YEAH. MY SAYING "I LOVE YOU"
SEEMS TO HAVE THAT
EFFECT ON PEOPLE.
NO, NO.
I'LL STAY IF YOU LIKE.
NO, NO. DON'T YOU
WORRY ABOUT ME.
I WILL NOT BE ALONE.
I WILL BE SLIDING INTO A HOT TUB
WITH MY GOOD
FRIENDS, BEN AND JERRY.
SEE YOU TOMORROW, ROZ.
SEE YOU, FRASIER.
HI, DR. CRANE.
UM, IT'S ABOUT MY GIRLFRIEND.
MY PROBLEM IS, I DON'T KNOW
IF I LOVE HER FOR HERSELF
OR BECAUSE THINGS ARE SO
GREAT BETWEEN US PHYSICALLY.
HOW LONG YOU TWO BEEN TOGETHER?
SIX YEARS.
AND THE SEX IS STILL THAT GOOD?
MAN, EVERY MORNING,
NIGHT AND THREE TIMES A DAY
ON WEEKENDS, BUT I'M NOT SURE
WE HAVE MUCH ELSE IN COMMON.
COMMON INTERESTS ARE, OF
COURSE, THE FOUNDATION OF...
THREE TIMES, YOU SAY?
IS THAT ABNORMAL?
WELL, NO. NO, UH,
IT'S NOT ABNORMAL.
IT'S NOT FAIR, BUT
IT'S NOT ABNORMAL.
BUT PERHAPS YOU
SHARE MORE THINGS
THAN YOU THINK YOU DO, ACTUALLY.
TRY THIS. PICK UP A CATALOG
FROM THE LOCAL UNIVERSITY
GO THROUGH IT WITH HER
AND SEE IF THERE ARE ANY COURSES
YOU'D LIKE TO TAKE TOGETHER.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
THANKS, DOC. HAVE
A GREAT WEEKEND.
WELL, I'D WISH YOU THE SAME,
BUT IT HARDLY SEEMS NECESSARY.
WELL, THAT'S IT
FOR TODAY, SEATTLE.
THIS IS DR. FRASIER CRANE
WISHING YOU ALL
GOOD MENTAL HEALTH.
NILES CALLED FROM THE AIRPORT.
HE WANTS YOU TO CALL HIM BACK.
HE SOUNDED FRANTIC.
I'LL CALL HIM FROM THE CAR.
HE'S FLYING TO A
CONFERENCE IN SWITZERLAND.
I PROMISED TO TALK
HIM THROUGH IT.
SURELY HE'S FLOWN BEFORE.
WELL, NOT COACH. OH.
ROZ, IS THIS THE DRESS
YOU'RE WEARING TO THE WEDDING?
I HAVE TO. I'M A BRIDESMAID.
IS THERE ANY REASON
IT HAS TO BE SO..?
HIDEOUS?
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE.
SO, THAT WAY, THE BRIDE
BY COMPARISON, WILL GLOW.
NEXT TO THIS BABY
SHE'LL LIGHT UP
LIKE A BUG ZAPPER.
OF ALL MY FRIENDS IN WISCONSIN
THIS GIRL'S THE
LAST ONE I THOUGHT
WOULD BEAT ME TO THE ALTAR.
NOT THE DAIRY STATE'S
COMELIEST CHUNK OF CHEDDAR?
SHE WORKS IN HER
FATHER'S ICE CREAM PARLOR
AND SHE EATS HER MISTAKES.
THE GROOM'S FAMILY MAKES CONES.
OH, WELL, WE DON'T NEED
FREUD FOR THAT, DO WE?
OH, THE WHOLE THING
IS JUST SO DEPRESSING.
LATELY, EVERYONE I
KNOW IS SETTLING DOWN
GETTING MARRIED
HAVING CHILDREN...
WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?
DO YOU WANT ME TO ANSWER
AS A FRIEND OR A THERAPIST?
AS A FRIEND.
SEE A THERAPIST. FRASIER!
WELL, I THINK YOUR WHOLE PROBLEM
STEMS FROM SOME
UNRESOLVED ISSUES
THAT CAUSE YOU TO
CHOOSE THE MEN YOU DATE...
ALWAYS FLASHY AND SUPERFICIAL
OFFERING NO PROSPECT
OF A LASTING RELATIONSHIP.
WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
MAYBE FEAR OF COMMITMENT
FEAR OF BEING HURT.
MAYBE IT'S TIME YOU
STARTED LOOKING
AT DIFFERENT KINDS OF MEN
MEN WHO ARE MORE SETTLED.
A LITTLE LESS FLASH
AND MORE SUBSTANCE.
YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT, FRASIER.
IF I WERE SMART, I'D GO OUT
WITH THE NEXT GUY I SEE I'M NOT
THE LEAST BIT ATTRACTED TO.
ROZ, ROZ, I JUST BIT MY TONGUE.
CAN YOU KISS IT
AND MAKE IT BETTER?
THE NEXT ONE AFTER HIM.
UH, DOC, DOC...
HERE'S MY VIDEO CAMERA.
THANK YOU, BULLDOG.
WHAT DO YOU NEED IT FOR?
TO RECORD MY FATHER.
I WANT TO HAVE HIS LIFE ON TAPE
SO THAT FREDERICK CAN ENJOY IT.
WHAT A GOOD IDEA.
WHOA! THAT'S THE
UGLIEST THING I EVER SAW.
I'M GOING TO A WEDDING.
I LOVE WEDDINGS.
NEVER BEEN TO ONE
WHERE I DIDN'T BAG A BRIDESMAID.
AND THE UGLIER THE DRESS
THE QUICKER THEY WANT
TO GET OUT OF THEM.
THIS ONE WOULD HIT THE FLOOR
BEFORE THE RICE.
I GOTTA GET GOING.
CAN YOU BELIEVE I ACTUALLY
HAVE TO BE SEEN IN PUBLIC IN THIS?
IT'S ONLY FOR A FEW
HOURS. AFTER THAT
YOU CAN DONATE IT
TO THE SALVATION ARMY
AND ONE DAY MAKE SOME
IRISH DRAG QUEEN VERY HAPPY.
WHY GO TO SWITZERLAND
WITHOUT SPENDING A DAY SKIING?
SO I DUCKED OUT
OF THE CONFERENCE
AND WHO SHOULD I
RUN INTO BUT MARIS.
SHE'D JUST FLOWN IN
FOR HER YEARLY GOAT
PLACENTA TREATMENTS.
GOOD LORD.
IS IT PLACENTA TREATMENT
TIME AGAIN ALREADY?
WE HAD A SET-TO ON
THE SLOPES. SHE RAN.
I TRIED TO FOLLOW HER
TRACKS IN THE SNOW
BUT ALAS, SHE MADE NONE.
OH, DEAR.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
I JUST SPOTTED SOMEONE.
IT'S MY LEAST FAVORITE PATIENT.
MAN IS A COMPULSIVE WOMANIZER.
HE GOES THROUGH SO MANY WOMEN
HE CALLS THEM ALL BY THE SAME
ODIOUS NICKNAME, "SUNSHINE"
TO AVOID SLIP-UPS.
OH, GOD.
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN
YOU DON'T LIKE A PATIENT?
IT'S A TRICKY SUBJECT, ISN'T IT?
HOW LONG HAVE
YOU BEEN SEEING HIM?
SIX MONTHS. WE'VE MADE
NO PROGRESS WHATSOEVER.
SOMETIMES I FEEL HE COMES IN
NOT SO MUCH FOR HELP AS TO BRAG.
HE CLAIMS TO HAVE BEEN WITH
AT LAST COUNT, 150 WOMEN.
OH, PLEASE.
A HUNDRED AND FIFTY.
AS IF ANYTHING OVER, SAY,
SEVEN WEREN'T ABSURD.
WELL, I WOULD SAY ELEVEN,
BUT I GET YOUR POINT.
OH, NOW SERVING 151.
GOOD GOD!
HE'S HERE TO SEE ROZ?
YES. THEY MET WHEN SEALY
POSTUREPEDIC NAMED THEM
MAN AND WOMAN OF THE YEAR.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!
SHE'S BEEN... VERY
VULNERABLE LATELY.
I CAN'T STICK AROUND.
I'D LIKE TO LEAVE BEFORE
SHE MAKES INTRODUCTIONS.
I'VE GOT TO WARN HER.
WARN HER HOW?
WHAT I TOLD YOU WAS
IN STRICT CONFIDENCE...
THERAPIST TO THERAPIST.
YOU CAN'T GO REPEATING IT.
ALL RIGHT. OF
COURSE YOU'RE RIGHT
BUT, UH...
THAT IS THE LAST MAN
THAT ROZ SHOULD BE WITH.
DON'T WORRY. KNOWING
ROZ, HE WON'T BE.
HEY, FRASIER!
OH, ROZ...
I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE
YOU TO SOMEONE.
THIS IS BEN COLLINS.
FRASIER CRANE. PLEASURE.
LIKEWISE.
IS IT ALL RIGHT IF WE JOIN YOU?
WHY NOT?
I'LL GRAB OUR COFFEES.
GREAT.
HE IS THE GREATEST GUY.
WHEN I FIRST MET HIM
I THOUGHT, "HE'S NOT MY TYPE"
BUT I'M SO GLAD
YOU GAVE ME THAT ADVICE
BECAUSE I WOULD HAVE NEVER
GIVEN HIM A SECOND LOOK.
WELL, ROZ, LET'S NOT RULE OUT
THAT ALL-IMPORTANT THIRD LOOK.
WOULD YOU STOP WORRYING
ABOUT ME, FRASIER?
THIS ONE'S DIFFERENT.
I CAN TELL HE REALLY
CARES ABOUT ME.
HERE YOU GO, SUNSHINE.
OH, THANK YOU.
WHY CAN'T YOU BE
LIKE OTHER DOGS?
WHY CAN'T YOU BRING HOME
BONES OR ANIMALS YOU KILL?
GIVE ME THOSE.
RELAX.
I'M JUST GOING TO PUT THEM
WITH THE ROSES YOU
PICKED YESTERDAY.
OH, HEY, DAD.
FRESH FROM YOUR WALK.
NOW MIGHT BE A
GOOD A TIME AS ANY
TO CRANK UP THE OLD CAMCORDER.
NAH. MAYBE LATER.
YOU'VE BEEN SAYING
NO FOR WEEKS NOW.
GEE, SOME PEOPLE WILL
TAKE THAT FOR A HINT.
YOU JUST HAVE TO SIT
AND TALK ABOUT YOUR LIFE.
LIFE'S GOT NOTHING
TO DO WITH IT.
THIS IS ABOUT ME DYING
AND YOU HAVING SOMETHING
TO LOOK AT AFTER I'M DEAD.
WHOLE THING GIVES ME THE CREEPS.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE REFUSING
TO RECORD YOUR HISTORY...
A STORY THAT ONLY YOU,
MARTIN CRANE CAN TELL
BECAUSE IT GIVES YOU THE CREEPS.
OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU
THE REAL TRUTH.
MY INDIAN HERITAGE FORBIDS IT.
I'M AFRAID YOUR MAGIC BOX
WILL ROB ME OF MY SPIRIT.
WHY ARE YOU BEING SO
NEGATIVE ABOUT THIS?
IT'S NOT FOR WHEN YOU'RE DEAD.
IT'S FOR WHEN YOU'VE
LOST YOUR MIND.
HEY, FRASIER.
HELLO, ROZ.
WHY, AFTER WAITING
FOR 45 MINUTES
DID I ASSUME YOU'D
FORGOTTEN OUR APPOINTMENT?
I'M SORRY, BUT I WAS ON
MY WAY OUT AND BEN CALLED.
OH, YES, BEN.
WHAT'S WITH YOU?
EVERY TIME I BRING HIM
UP, YOU MAKE THAT FACE.
I'M GETTING THE SENSE YOU
DON'T LIKE HIM THAT MUCH.
IT'S JUST THAT I KNOW
SOMETHING ABOUT BEN.
WHAT?
HE'S A LITTLE OLD FOR YOU.
HE'S 36.
WHEN YOU WERE A
FRESHMAN, HE WAS A SENIOR.
THAT NEVER WORKS OUT.
I'M GETTING MY BRIEFCASE.
I'LL GO GET A COKE.
OH, HEY, DAPHNE.
HELLO, ROZ.
HOW ARE YOU?
OKAY.
CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?
DOES FRASIER SEEM
WEIRD TO YOU..?
OH, GOD, YES.
I DIDN'T FINISH MY QUESTION YET.
WHEN YOU KNOW THE ANSWER,
IT'S HARD NOT TO HIT THE BUZZER.
WELL, THIS IS STRANGE.
I MEAN, FOR THE
FIRST TIME IN YEARS
I'M IN A REALLY
SOLID RELATIONSHIP
AND INSTEAD OF BEING HAPPY
FOR ME, FRASIER SEEMS UPSET.
THAT IS ODD.
UNLESS...
UNLESS WHAT?
WELL, DR. CRANE
IS JEALOUS OF BEN
BECAUSE HE WANTS
YOU FOR HIMSELF.
HUH?
OH... NO!
YES.
NO.
WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE? FRASIER?
YOU REALLY THINK SO?
DAPHNE, NO. NO WAY.
NO, HE DOESN'T.
FRASIER IS THE ONE WHO TOLD ME
TO FIND MYSELF A NEW BOYFRIEND
SOMEONE WHO IS
SETTLED AND NURTURING
SOMEONE WITH
SUBSTANCE OVER FLASH.
THEY COULD PUT THAT ON
DR. CRANE'S TOMBSTONE.
OH, COME ON. NO WAY.
YES. THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE.
WHAT?
I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T
TELL YOU THIS
BUT EARLIER THIS MORNING
DR. CRANE WAS ON THE
PHONE WITH HIS BROTHER
AND HE SAID THAT YOUR
RELATIONSHIP WITH BEN
WAS DRIVING HIM CRAZY
AND THAT HE WAS DYING
TO TELL YOU BUT HE CAN'T.
OH, MY GOD!
DID YOU HEAR HIM SAY THAT?!
I CERTAINLY DID.
THIS IS TOO WEIRD.
WHAT WILL I SAY?
MAYBE I DON'T HAVE
TO SAY ANYTHING.
MAYBE HE'LL JUST SEE
HOW HAPPY I AM WITH BEN.
BEN, BEN, BEN! MY GOD! ROZ,
WILL YOU JUST DROP IT WITH BEN
FOR A MINUTE AND PAY
SOME ATTENTION TO ME?!
OKAY.
MORNING, ROZ.
HI, FRASIER.
MY, YOU LOOK LOVELY.
THAT OUTFIT IS
FLATTERING. THANKS.
I THINK THIS CALLS FOR A HUG.
OH, I DON'T LOOK THAT GOOD.
OH, NO, NO. NO, ROZ. LOOK.
THE RATINGS ARE IN AND WE
DID BETTER IN OUR TIME SLOT
THIS WEEK THAN EVER BEFORE!
I MEAN, CONGRATULATIONS,
PARTNER.
SAY, YOU KNOW, WHY DON'T
WE HAVE DINNER TONIGHT
CELEBRATE.
THAT SOUNDS SO FUN
BUT I KIND OF HAVE PLANS.
SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
ANOTHER TIME, PERHAPS.
YEAH, SURE.
THAT SOUNDS GREAT.
WHEN WILL YOU RETURN
MY VIDEO CAMERA?
I GOT A HOT DATE TONIGHT.
I WANT TO RECORD CERTAIN
EVENTS FOR POSTERITY
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
UH, TOMORROW, BULLDOG.
WELL, MAYBE TONIGHT,
YOU COULD JUST HAVE
A POLICE SKETCH ARTIST
CROUCH ON YOUR BALCONY.
SO, MOM, LET ME
ASK YOU SOMETHING.
HOW LONG DID YOU KNOW DAD
BEFORE YOU TOLD HIM YOU LOVED HIM?
MOM... MOM? MOM!
YOU'VE BEEN DIVORCED
15 YEARS. LET IT GO.
LISTEN, BEN IS COMING
OVER TO DINNER TONIGHT
AND I THINK I'M GOING
TO TELL HIM I LOVE HIM.
I HAVE TO GET TO WORK. BYE!
OH, I'M SORRY, ROZ. I
SHOULD HAVE KNOCKED.
IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY.
I COULDN'T HELP OVERHEARING
THE LAST PART OF YOUR
CONVERSATION THERE.
DO YOU THINK MAYBE YOU'RE
NOT RUSHING THINGS WITH BEN?
I MEAN, ARE YOU
REALLY THAT SERIOUS?
YES, I AM.
YES, WELL, YOU KNOW
THERE ARE A LOT OF
OTHER MEN IN THE WORLD.
AND LOTS OF WOMEN TOO.
WELL, THAT'S MORE OF A
PERSONAL PREFERENCE, BUT...
I MEANT FOR YOU.
LOOK, FRASIER, WHAT
I'M TRYING TO SAY IS
I KNOW YOU HAVE A
PROBLEM WITH ME AND BEN
BUT WE'RE HAPPY TOGETHER.
WELL, YOU'VE ONLY BEEN
GOING OUT FOR A MONTH.
WELL, SOMETIMES THAT'S
ALL IT TAKES. 15 SECONDS.
LISTEN, FRASIER...
I'D LIKE TO THINK THERE'S
SOME SMALL PART OF YOU
THAT'S HAPPY FOR ME.
AFTER ALL, IT WAS YOUR ADVICE
THAT GOT ME THIS FAR.
OF COURSE I'M HAPPY FOR YOU.
ME AND MY STUPID ADVICE.
WE'LL BE WITH YOU FOR THE
NEXT THREE HOURS, SEATTLE.
I'M NOT DOING IT. IT'S MORBID.
IT'S NOT MORBID, AND
BESIDES, IF YOU DON'T DO IT,
THE ONLY FOOTAGE WE'LL
HAVE OF YOU IN THE ARCHIVES
IS YOU PRETENDING YOUR STOMACH
WAS A FACE THAT SUMMER AT THE LAKE.
IF IT'LL SHUT
YOU UP, I'LL DO IT.
THANKS, DAD.
WE'LL MAKE THIS QUICK AND EASY.
IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE WEARING?
FORGET IT.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
HERE WE GO. WAIT.
OKAY.
MY NAME'S MARTIN CRANE.
WHEN I MADE THIS
TAPE, I WAS 64 YEARS OLD
BUT NOW I'M DEAD!
TRAPPED IN A BOX UNDERGROUND.
PRETTY SCARY, HUH?
DAD, SURELY YOU MUST HAVE
SOME MESSAGE YOU WANT TO LEAVE
FOR THE CRANES OF
THE 21ST CENTURY?
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I DO.
REMEMBER TO ALWAYS WORK
HARD AND THAT FAMILY COMES FIRST
AND... I HAVE A MILLION
BUCKS IN UNMARKED BILLS
THAT I TOOK OFF A DRUG
DEALER THAT I HAVE STASHED
IN MY OLD ARMY FOOTLOCKER.
THE COMBINATION IS, LEFT 15...
RIGHT 32...
LE...
FUTURE GENERATIONS, SEE
WHAT I HAD TO PUT UP WITH?
HELLO.
HELLO.
THIS MEANS WE'RE FINISHED?
UNLESS YOU WANT FUTURE
GENERATIONS TO SEE ME GO TO THE CAN.
NILES, ACTUALLY, I'M
GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
I HAVE TO TALK ABOUT ROZ.
NO, I'VE BREACHED MY
ETHICS ONCE ALREADY.
THINGS ARE DESPERATE!
NO, NO, NO.
NILES, SHE PLANS TO TELL
HIM THAT SHE LOVES HIM!
GIVEN WHAT YOU'VE TOLD
ME ABOUT BEN'S PATTERNS
THAT'LL BE THE END AND
ROZ'LL BE SHATTERED.
THERE'S GOT TO BE SOME LOOPHOLE
IN THIS CONFIDENTIALITY RULE
THAT WOULD ALLOW ME TO WARN HER
AND STILL PRESERVE YOUR ETHICS.
NILES! HELP ME
GO THROUGH THESE TEXTBOOKS.
I'LL HAVE NO PART OF THIS.
PLEASE, NILES! THINK OF ROZ!
I'M THINKING OF MY LICENSE.
THINK OF WHAT FREUD
SAID... "WE ARE NEVER
SO HELPLESSLY UNHAPPY
AS WHEN WE LOSE LOVE."
OH, ALL RIGHT.
BUT THAT WAS DIRTY POOL
USING A FREUD QUOTATION.
I'M SORRY.
IT'S THE CRANE BOY" KRYPTONITE.
I KNOW, I KNOW.
THANK YOU.
SAY, HERE'S A POSSIBILITY.
ACCORDING TO THIS, IT
SAYS WE CAN WARN HER
IF HE PLANS TO DO
HER BODILY HARM.
DOES HE? NO.
DAMN!
IT WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER IF
ROZ WERE MENTALLY INCOMPETENT.
GO ON.
THEN THERE WOULD
BE SOME JUSTIFICATION
FOR PROTECTING HER.
IS SHE IRRATIONAL?
SHE DID ATTACK A
VENDING MACHINE ONCE
WHEN A TWINKIE CAME
OUT OF THE YODEL SHOOT.
BORDERLINE, BORDERLINE.
DOES SHE EVER ACT DELUSIONAL?
SHE CLAIMS RESPONSIBILITY
FOR OUR SHOW'S SUCCESS.
BUILDING, BUILDING.
DOES SHE DISPLAY
BELOW-AVERAGE INTELLIGENCE?
SHE ONCE ORDERED A
BOTTLE OF WHITE ZINFANDEL!
JACKPOT!
GO TO HER. SHE'S A
THREAT TO HERSELF.
IT'S AMAZING THEY EVEN
LET THE WOMAN DRIVE.
WHO IS IT?
IT'S FRASIER.
OH, MY GOD. WHAT HAPPENED?
HE DUMPED ME, FRASIER!
OH! OH, HONEY!
COME HERE.
OH, GOD.
EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT
UNTIL I SAID, "I LOVE YOU, BEN."
THEN HE GOT THIS
LOOK ON HIS FACE
LIKE HE'D TAKEN A WRONG TURN
IN A REALLY BAD NEIGHBORHOOD.
HE DIDN'T EVEN
TOUCH HIS CHAMPAGNE.
OH, I'M SORRY, ROZ.
UM...
HERE.
THANK YOU.
WHEN YOU...
WHEN YOU...
PROFESSED YOUR
LOVE FOR HIM, UH...
WERE YOU DRESSED LIKE THAT?
NO.
AFTER HE LEFT, I
WENT IN TO CHANGE
AND I SAW ALL THESE
OLD BRIDESMAID DRESSES
HANGING IN THE CLOSET.
THAT'S WHEN IT HIT ME.
THAT'S WHAT I AM!
A BRIDESMAID!
I MIGHT AS WELL
WEAR THE UNIFORM!
OH, ROZ!
NO, NO! NOW, NOW.
THERE. COME ON, COME ON.
NOW, LOOK, YOU KNOW
I FIND THAT WHENEVER I'M LOW
IT ALWAYS LIFTS MY SPIRITS
WHEN I JUST SPRUCE UP A BIT.
SO, IT WOULDN'T HURT
TO RUN A BRUSH
THROUGH YOUR HAIR...
OR THROUGH YOUR TEETH.
OH, GOD!
I MUST LOOK AWFUL.
NO, NO. NOT AT ALL.
YOU'RE A BIG, FAT LIAR.
BUT YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT BEN
AND I JUST DIDN'T SEE IT.
WHAT MADE YOU COME
OVER HERE, ANYWAY?
WELL, ACTUALLY
I WAS COMING OVER
TO TAKE ONE LAST STAB
AT CONVINCING YOU THAT BEN
WAS THE WRONG MAN FOR YOU.
YOU DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER, ROZ.
OH, YEAH...
I'M A REAL CATCH.
OH, HELL.
LOOK, NO...
THINGS REALLY AREN'T
ALL AS DARK AS THEY SEEM.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL,
INTELLIGENT, DESIRABLE...
LET ME JUST TAKE A
STAB AT THAT, WILL YOU?
I CAN'T IMAGINE ANY MAN
NOT THINKING HIMSELF
THE LUCKIEST IN THE
WORLD TO BE WITH YOU.
YOU REALLY DO THINK
THAT, DON'T YOU?
YES. I'M SURPRISED
YOU EVEN HAVE TO ASK.
I GUESS I DIDN'T.
I'VE KNOWN THAT YOU'VE HAD THESE
ROMANTIC FEELINGS TOWARDS ME
FOR A WHILE.
WHAT?
OH, COME ON.
DON'T DENY IT.
THOSE HINTS ABOUT
FINDING SOMEONE
WITH SUBSTANCE OVER STYLE...
THE WAY YOU HATED BEN.
THEN DAPHNE TOLD
ME SHE OVERHEARD YOU
TELLING NILES THAT YOU
COULDN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT ME
AND WANTED TO TELL ME THE TRUTH.
DAPHNE TOLD YOU THAT?
DON'T BE MAD AT HER.
NO, I'M NOT. IT'S JUST
THAT WHEN SHE SAID THAT...
NO, IT'S OKAY. I'M
GLAD SHE TOLD ME.
THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME
FROM COMPLETELY
FALLING APART RIGHT NOW
IS KNOWING THAT SOMEONE LIKE
YOU COULD BE INTERESTED IN ME.
WELL, THEN THERE'S...
NO POINT IN
DENYING IT, IS THERE?
YOU KNOW
MAYBE THE IDEA OF YOU
AND ME ISN'T SO CRAZY.
YOU ARE THE KIND OF
MAN I SHOULD BE WITH.
SMART... GENTLE...
OW! I SAID "GENTLE"!
OH, I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY, ROZ.
UH, YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST THAT
THERE ARE SO MANY...
I KNOW, I KNOW.
WORKPLACE ROMANCES ALWAYS FAIL.
EXACTLY MY POINT.
AND I'M ON THE REBOUND.
I'VE GOT TO GIVE
MYSELF TIME TO HEAL.
YES, YES. LOTS OF TIME.
ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU
ARE THE ONE WHO SAYS
THE BEST RELATIONSHIPS START
WITH FRIENDSHIP, AREN'T YOU?
I DO SAY THAT, YES. IT'S TRUE.
AND WE ARE FRIENDS, AREN'T WE?
WE'RE VERY GOOD FRIENDS.
RIGHT NOW, WE ARE BOTH FREE.
WELL, IN MY CASE,
IT'S PAINFULLY FREE.
YOU KNOW, MAYBE IF WE...
BOTH WENT INTO IT
WITH OUR EYES OPEN...
WHAT AM I SAYING? ROZ, I...
THIS IS REALLY CRAZY.
MY RELATIONSHIP
WITH YOU IS PROBABLY
THE HEALTHIEST ONE
I'VE EVER HAD WITH A MAN.
I DON'T WANNA SCREW THAT
UP. NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU
IS PROBABLY THE BEST ONE
I'VE EVER HAD WITH A WOMAN.
NOT THAT IT'S BEEN MUCH
OF A HORSE RACE, BUT...
TO FRIENDSHIP.
HERE'S HOPING
THE NEXT TIME YOU
TELL A MAN YOU LOVE HIM
HE SAYS IT BACK.
WELL, LET'S SEE.
I LOVE YOU, FRASIER.
I LOVE YOU, TOO, ROZ.
YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT?
YEAH.
WELL, I'D BETTER RUN.
YEAH. MY SAYING "I LOVE YOU"
SEEMS TO HAVE THAT
EFFECT ON PEOPLE.
NO, NO.
I'LL STAY IF YOU LIKE.
NO, NO. DON'T YOU
WORRY ABOUT ME.
I WILL NOT BE ALONE.
I WILL BE SLIDING INTO A HOT TUB
WITH MY GOOD
FRIENDS, BEN AND JERRY.
SEE YOU TOMORROW, ROZ.
SEE YOU, FRASIER.