Frasier (1993–2004): Season 3, Episode 20 - Police Story - full transcript

FASTER, FRASIER, FASTER!

YOU CAN MAKE THAT LIGHT!

GOD, YOU'RE GONNA GET US KILLED!

I CAN'T BE LATE FOR THIS DATE.

RIGHT! TAKE A RIGHT HERE!

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

FIRST THE DRY
CLEANER, THEN THE A.T.M.

NOW YOU'RE MAKING ME CART
YOU OFF TO SOME RESTAURANT...

SORRY, I DIDN'T PLAN FOR
MY CAR TO BE IN THE SHOP.

I REALLY APPRECIATE IT, FRASIER.

OH! A BASKET OF
FRUIT WOULD SUFFICE.



I AM CHANGING FOR MY DATE.

DON'T LOOK AT ME!

TURN AROUND! ALL THE WAY!

I'M DRIVING!

FINE... FINE.

HAND ME MY JEANS, WILL YOU?

HERE.

OH... OH, GREAT. THIS
IS JUST WHAT I NEED.

THERE'S A POLICE CAR BEHIND US.

PLEASE DON'T TURN
ON THE RED LIGHT.

DON'T TURN ON THE RED LIGHT.

DAMN IT, FRASIER!

DON'T WORRY, FRASIER

YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET A TICKET.



YOU'RE A CELEBRITY.
USE A LITTLE JUICE.

I REFUSE TO DO
ANYTHING OF THE SORT.

ENJOY TRAFFIC SCHOOL.

OH, GOD...

GOOD EVENING, OFFICER.

I'M DR. FRASIER CRANE.

IF THERE'S A PROBLEM,
"I'M LISTENING."

YOU WERE GOING
62 IN A 40-MILE ZONE.

WELL, THIS IS INTERESTING.

USUALLY BOTH PEOPLE
ARE IN THE BACK SEAT.

IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.

IT'S JUST, UM...

WE WERE JUST COMING
BACK FROM KACL

WHERE I DO MY RADIO SHOW.

UH-HUH.

YOU SEE, IT RAN A LITTLE LATE

BECAUSE I WAS ON WITH
A VERY TROUBLED CALLER

WITH A VERY COMPLEX
PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEM...

ON MY... RADIO SHOW.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU'RE DR. FRASIER CRANE.

DRAT, MY COVER IS BLOWN.

I LISTEN TO YOUR
SHOW ALL THE TIME.

OH, WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

IT'S ALWAYS A PLEASURE TO...

LICENSE AND
REGISTRATION, PLEASE.

BE ARRESTED BY A FAN.

ROZ, IF YOU COULD
DELAY ABLUTIONS

I'M IN CUSTODY HERE.

HEY... IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY TODAY.

IS THIS A LITTLE CELEBRATION?

NO, NO...

I'M SIMPLY TAKING MY PRODUCER

TO MEET HER DATE.

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

I'D HAVE THROWN YOU A
BIRTHDAY PARTY AT THE STATION.

QUESTION ASKED,
QUESTION ANSWERED.

I'M JUST GOING TO
BE DROPPING ROZ OFF

AND HAVE A COLD PLATE OF DELI...

GET TO BED EARLY...

ALMOST MAKES YOU FEEL
SORRY FOR ME, DOESN'T IT?

I SPENT MY LAST BIRTHDAY
SUBDUING A DRUNK-AND-DISORDERLY

AT A SLEAZY BAR.

DON'T YOU HATE TO
WORK ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?

HE WAS MY DATE.

TELL YOU WHAT I'M GONNA DO.

I'M LETTING YOU OFF.

JUST THINK OF THIS
AS A BIRTHDAY GIFT.

THANK YOU.

BUT SLOW DOWN.

I'D HATE TO SEE YOU GET HURT.

"I'M LISTENING."

OKAY...

LET'S GO.

OH...

DID YOU SENSE A
LITTLE MOMENT THERE?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

BETWEEN ME AND THAT
VERY ATTRACTIVE OFFICER.

IT JUST... FELT LIKE THERE
WAS SOMETHING THERE.

YEAH, MAJOR SPARKS.

IT'S THE BIG PEDAL ON THE RIGHT.

JUST A MINUTE, JUST A MINUTE.

I WANT TO SEE IF SHE'S WATCHING
ME. THAT MEANS SHE'S INTERESTED.

OH, YES! OH, SHE'S
TURNING AROUND

SHE'S LOOKING UP...

MOVE YOUR VEHICLE!

OH, YES...

I'VE CAST MY SPELL.

MAKE A WISH.

WHY BOTHER?

I MADE THE SAME WISH LAST
YEAR. IT DIDN'T COME TRUE.

COME ON, SON, BLOW
OUT THE CANDLES.

OH, WHAT A SURPRISE.

LOOK, THEY'RE LIGHTING AGAIN.

WHAT SORCERER'S MAGIC IS THIS?

YOU KNOW, DAD

I HAD A NICE LITTLE
BIRTHDAY BONUS TODAY.

I WAS PULLED OVER FOR SPEEDING

BY A VERY PRETTY
POLICEWOMAN WHO LET ME OFF.

I GOT THE DISTINCT
IMPRESSION THAT SHE

FOUND ME ATTRACTIVE...
THAT HAPPENS, DOESN'T IT?

OH, SURE. I'D BE LEANING AGAINST
SOMEBODY'S WINDOW, THINKING

"THAT BLOODY CHAIN SAW IN
THE BACK SEAT LOOKS KIND OF IFFY

BUT SHE'S GOT A CUTE SMILE."

HA-HA.

I'M TELLING YOU

THERE WAS SOMETHING
THERE, THOUGH.

WELL, THIS WHOLE
CONVERSATION'S ACADEMIC.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW HER NAME.

I COULD CALL THE POLICE STATION.

TRY TO FIND OUT WHO
WAS ON TRAFFIC DUTY

BUT, UH... I DON'T SUPPOSE

THEY'D GIVE THAT SORT OF
INFORMATION TO A CIVILIAN.

HE'D HAVE TO HAVE SOME CONDUIT

INTO THE POLICE DEPARTMENT...

AN INSIDER WHO COULD BREAK
THAT DAMNABLE CODE OF SILENCE.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL MAKE
THE DAMN CALL.

YOU, DAD? WHY, I...

OH, SHUT UP.

YOU KNOW, I HAVEN'T FELT

SUCH AN INSTANT ATTRACTION
TO A WOMAN IN QUITE SOME TIME.

CONSIDERING THE DIFFERENCE
IN OUR BACKGROUNDS

IT'S RATHER PUZZLING.

OH, PISH-TOSH.

IT'S PATENTLY OBVIOUS
WHAT'S ATTRACTING YOU.

THE GLEAM OF HER JACKBOOTS.

HER DANGLING NIGHTSTICK.

THE GLINT OF HER HANDCUFFS

HANGING ON HER LEATHER BELT.

YOU'RE OFF ON
SOME LURID LITTLE...

DISCIPLINARY FANTASY.

OH, DR. CRANE, SHAME ON YOU.

YOU'VE GOT ICING ALL UP
AND DOWN YOUR SLEEVE.

OH...

I AM A NAUGHTY BOY.

WELL, CERTAINLY A MESSY ONE.

BUT MAINLY A NAUGHTY ONE.

HEY, CHARLIE...

MARTY CRANE... HOW YOU DOING?

LISTEN, CHARLIE, I'M TRYING TO
TRACK DOWN A WOMAN OFFICER

WHO WAS ON TRAFFIC
TONIGHT, UH, NEAR...

BLANCHARD AND FOURTH.

BLANCHARD AND FOURTH.

GREAT, OKAY, THANKS.

HER NAME'S MAUREEN CUTLER

AND SHE USUALLY GOES
TO MCGINTY'S AFTER WORK.

CHARLIE SAID SHE'S
PROBABLY THERE NOW.

THANKS, DAD.

YOU GONNA GO?

A POLICE BAR?

IF I GO THERE ALONE

I'LL STAND OUT
LIKE A SORE THUMB.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL GO.

JUST SIT DOWN,
NILES, I'LL GO WITH HIM.

AFTER ALL THESE
HOITY-TOITY, CAVIAR-SUCKING

EGGHEAD TYPES YOU'VE BEEN DATING

A LADY COP WOULD BE
A BREATH OF FRESH AIR.

OH, ALL RIGHT, I'LL GO.

JUST GIVE ME A SECOND

TO PUT SOME FRESH
COLLAR STAYS IN

AND, OH, I'VE GOT

A FABULOUS NEW CASHMERE JACKET

I'VE BEEN DYING TO PREMIERE.

OH, YEAH, THIS IS GONNA WORK.

SO, YOU SEE HER YET?

I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT ABOUT HER?

NO, THAT'S NOT MAUREEN.

NO, I MEAN WHAT ABOUT HER?

OH, THERE SHE IS.

WOW, SHE IS A LOOKER.

COME ON, LET'S GO SAY HELLO.

OH! WELL... OH, MY GOD.

FANCY SEEING YOU HERE.

HEY, FRASIER CRANE.

OH, YOU REMEMBER ME.

COME ON.

62 IN A 40-MILE ZONE

WITH A HALF-NAKED
GIRL IN YOUR BACK SEAT?

ROZ.

OH.

OH, UH... THIS IS MY FATHER.

HOW DO YOU DO? MAUREEN CUTLER.

MARTY CRANE. NICE TO MEET YOU.

SAY, HOW ABOUT A DRINK?

OH, LET ME GET THEM.

I'M A BEER DRINKER MYSELF. YOU?

THAT'S FINE.

A BEER, HUH?

OH, WHAT THE HELL, I'LL TRY ONE.

SO, WHAT BRINGS YOU GUYS HERE?

THIS IS MOSTLY A COP HANGOUT.

I USED TO BE ON
THE FORCE. REALLY?

WAIT A MINUTE.

MARTY CRANE.

YOU'RE MARTIN CRANE.

YOU'RE WASTED IN TRAFFIC.
YOU'RE QUITE A DETECTIVE.

NO, I MEAN, I REMEMBER
YOU WHEN I WAS IN TRAINING.

YOU GAVE THIS GREAT LECTURE

ON HOW TO DEAL WITH
AN ARMED SUSPECT.

WELL, THANKS.

HOW COME YOU LEFT THE FORCE?

WELL, I, UH... GOT SHOT
BY AN ARMED SUSPECT.

OH... OH, I'M SORRY.

NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

SO... DO YOU MISS IT?

NO... HOW ATTACHED
CAN YOU GET TO A HIP?

I HAVE TO GET TO THE HOSPITAL.

I TOLD THEM TO BEEP ME IF THERE
WAS ANY NEWS ABOUT MY SERGEANT.

WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?

SHE'S HAVING A BABY.

OH, WELL, HOPE IT'S A GIRL.

I'LL TELL FRASIER YOU
HAD TO RUN. THANKS.

LISTEN, UM...

I NEVER DO THIS, BUT...

I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A BEER
OR GO TO DINNER SOMETIME.

WITH ME?

I DON'T WANNA PUT
YOU ON THE SPOT.

IF YOU WANT TO GO OUT

JUST GIVE ME A CALL.

WITH ME?

YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE HERE.

HERE WE ARE.

THREE BEERS.

GOOD NEWS... THERE
WAS A FLY IN ONE GLASS

SO THEY'RE FREE.

SORRY, I GOT BEEPED.

OH, THAT'S TOO BAD.

YEAH.

IT WAS NICE TO SEE YOU.

MAYBE I'LL BUMP INTO YOU AGAIN.

THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

BYE.

BYE.

WELL, I THINK THAT WENT
VERY WELL, DON'T YOU?

I'LL HAVE A GRANDE
HALF-CAF LATTE

WITH A WHISPER OF CINNAMON

AND FOR MY FATHER, PLAIN COFFEE.

I CANNOT EMPHASIZE
THE WORD "PLAIN" ENOUGH.

NO FOAM, NO CINNAMON,
NO EXOTIC FLAVORS.

IF IT IS NOT PLAIN

I TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY
FOR THE CONSEQUENCES.

HOW ABOUT A BISCOTTI?

ALL RIGHT.

BUT WHEN YOU BRING
IT, CALL IT A COOKIE.

HI, SON.

HELLO, DAD.

THANK YOU FOR
MEETING ME LIKE THIS.

WELL, MY PLEASURE.

SO...

WHAT CAN I DO YA FOR?

WELL...

I NEED SOME ADVICE.

ADVICE?

THAT'S WHY YOU ASKED ME HERE?

YEAH.

YOU'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE.

YEAH, WELL, I'M SORRY...

I WANT YOU TO KNOW

I'M DEEPLY TOUCHED,
AND I CONSIDER THIS

A WATERSHED MOMENT
IN OUR RELATIONSHIP.

ALL MY LIFE, YOU'VE
ALWAYS TURNED TO FRASIER.

FRASIER, FRASIER, FRASIER...

NILES, CAN I TALK?

I'M LISTENING.

HERE WE ARE, ONE LATTE...

ONE COFFEE...

AND ONE... COOKIE.

I THINK THEY CALL
THIS THING A BISCOTTI.

NO NEED TO TALK DOWN
TO THE MAN. OFF YOU GO.

WELL, ANYWAY, REMEMBER
THE OTHER NIGHT?

FRASIER'S POLICEWOMAN?

MM-HMM.

WELL, WE FOUND HER
AT THE BAR, AND, UH...

WELL...

SHE CAME ON TO ME.

NO.

YOU?

YEAH.

WAS SHE DRUNK?

I'M SORRY.

OF COURSE, DAD, I'M SORRY.

UH... WHAT WAS
FRASIER'S REACTION?

I HAVEN'T TOLD HIM YET.

WHY NOT?

I JUST CAN'T.

CAN I?

I KNOW HE'S GONNA FEEL LOUSY.

HE FINALLY MEETS A GIRL HE LIKES

AND SHE'S ATTRACTED
TO HIS OLD MAN.

HMM, THAT IS QUITE A CONUNDRUM.

I WONDER IF THAT'S WHAT'S
REALLY BOTHERING YOU.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

MAYBE UNDERNEATH IT ALL,
YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO THIS WOMAN

AND YOU WANT TO GO OUT WITH HER.

OH, ARE YOU NUTS?

THAT'S SICK! THAT'S DISGUSTING!

BUT FOR THE SAKE OF
ARGUMENT, LET'S SAY YOU'RE RIGHT.

DAD, YOU'RE ALLOWED TO
BE ATTRACTED TO A WOMAN.

OH, WHAT KIND OF A FATHER
DOES A THING LIKE THAT?

DID YOU ENCOURAGE
HER IN ANY WAY?

WELL, I GUESS I WAS
KIND OF CHARMING.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE.

IT JUST SOMETIMES LEAKS OUT.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

WELL, MOST IMPORTANT, I
DON'T WANT TO HURT FRASIER

AND SECONDLY

I WANT TO GO OUT WITH MAUREEN.

THE ORDER OF THAT CHANGES
DEPENDING ON THE TIME OF DAY.

ONE POSSIBILITY IS
GO ON A DATE WITH HER.

IF THERE ARE SPARKS
BETWEEN YOU TWO

THEN TELL FRASIER.

I DON'T WANNA LIE TO MY
SON. YOU'RE NOT LYING TO HIM.

YOU'RE DELAYING THE
TRUTH TO SPARE HIS FEELINGS.

IF NOTHING HAPPENS,
HE NEED NEVER KNOW.

WELL, I GUESS IT'S WORTH A TRY.

IF MAUREEN AND I HIT IT OFF,
THEN I'LL TELL HIM IMMEDIATELY.

OR I CAN.

REALLY, I DON'T MIND.

HI, DAD.

OH, FRASIER, YOU'RE STILL HOME.

YEAH.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

JUST OUT.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

NOTHING.

WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO BE HOME?

LATER.

WELL, YOU PUT A DENT
IN THE CAR, YOUNG MAN

IT'S COMING OUT OF
YOUR ALLOWANCE.

AND I'VE GOT MY PRIDE, YOU KNOW.

SO I SAID, "MRS. GREYSON,
I'LL DO THE COOKING

"I'LL DO THE CLEANING

BUT I DRAW THE LINE AT
CREAMING YOUR FEET."

HURRY UP.

THE MAMBO KINGS
IS ABOUT TO START.

OOH, I WOULDN'T MIND MAMBOING

WITH ANTONIO BANDERAS.

SET OUT THE GOODIES
AND I'LL GO GET THE WINE.

OH, AND THIS TIME, CHARLOTTE

BE CAREFUL WITH THAT CHOCOLATE.

I HAD A HELL OF A TIME HIDING
THE STAIN FROM HIS NIBS...

OH.

HELLO, DR. CRANE.

DAPHNE, CHARLOTTE, MAGGIE.

DR. CRANE.

AREN'T YOU FILLING
IN AT THE STATION?

OH, I, I AM, BUT, UH...

NOT FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS YET.

SEEMS A SHAME TO
HANG AROUND HERE.

I MEAN, I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT

YOU'D HAVE TAKEN AN
OPPORTUNITY LIKE THIS

TO, OH, I DON'T KNOW, GO DOWN
TO MCGINTY'S, FOR EXAMPLE.

OH, TO SEE HIS NEW
LADY FRIEND, YOU MEAN?

AH, I SEE I'VE BEEN QUITE THE
HOT TOPIC OVER THE TEAPOT.

WELL, YOU KNOW, I MAY HAVE
SAID A THING OR TWO IN PASSING.

I'D GO FOR IT, DR. CRANE.

YES, WELL, IF YOU MUST KNOW

I WAS PLANNING TO GO DOWN THERE

BUT NOT FOR A
COUPLE OF DAYS YET.

WELL, I WOULDN'T WAIT TOO LONG.

I MEAN, STRIKE
WHILE THE IRON'S HOT

THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS SAY.

WOMEN DON'T LIKE MEN
THAT ARE TOO OVER-EAGER.

OH, NONSENSE.

I MEAN, IT'S ONE THING IF
THE MAN'S SOME BARMY GIT

FROM THE DOCKS.

BUT IT'S DIFFERENT
IF THE MAN'S LIKE YOU.

SOMEONE CHARMING.

AND HANDSOME.

AND KNOWS LOTS
AND LOTS OF WORDS.

SHE COULD BE DOWN
THERE RIGHT NOW

NURSING A GIN AND TONIC

CASTING HOPEFUL GLANCES
TOWARDS THE DOOR.

WELL, MCGINTY'S IS ON
MY WAY TO THE STATION.

I SUPPOSE I COULD
JUST POP MY HEAD IN.

THANK YOU, LADIES,
FOR YOUR SUPPORT

EVEN IF IT WAS NAKEDLY
SELF-SERVING AND INSINCERE.

SO THEY FINALLY PUT
MY TRANSFER THROUGH

AND I'M MOVING OUT OF TRAFFIC

AND INTO NARCOTICS.

YEAH, I'M GOING TO BE WORKING

WITH BILL HENDERSON AT THE 31ST.

GOOD FOR YOU.

I HEAR HE CAN BE PRETTY TOUGH.

OH, NO, HE MIGHT
SEEM A LITTLE STIFF

BUT ONCE YOU GET TO KNOW HIM

HE'S THE GREATEST
GUY IN THE WORLD.

YEAH, HE IS PRETTY IMPRESSIVE.

OH, YEAH, SMART,
GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR.

YOU'LL HAVE A
GREAT TIME WITH HIM.

DAD, I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU'RE DOING THIS!

FRASIER.

I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU.

BELIEVE ME, I DID NOT
PUT HIM UP TO THIS

THOUGH I THINK HE'S
OVER-SELLING ME A LITTLE.

I'M NOT "THE GREATEST
GUY IN THE WORLD."

SEATTLE, MAYBE.

AM I MISSING SOMETHING?

OH, I'M JUST JOKING.

THANKS FOR WARMING
HER UP FOR ME.

I CAN TAKE OVER HERE.

MARTIN.

COME ON, MARTIN, YOU HEARD HER.

COME ON, WHAT
DOES SHE HAVE TO DO...

SEND UP SMOKE SIGNALS?

FRASIER, MAUREEN AND
I ARE HERE ON A DATE.

YOU MIGHT THINK

THIS IS ONE OF THOSE WILDLY
EMBARRASSING MOMENTS

WHERE I'M STANDING
HERE WITH EGG ON MY FACE.

I ASSURE YOU

I'M NOT AS EMBARRASSED

AS YOU MIGHT ASSUME THAT
I WOULD BE EMBARRASSED.

I... I'M NOT UNCOMFORTABLE

SO, PLEASE

DON'T YOU BE
UNCOMFORTABLE EITHER.

WHY DON'T I GIVE
YOU TWO A MOMENT?

WHATEVER.

YOU ASKED HER OUT?

NO, THAT'S NOT THE
WAY IT HAPPENED.

THERE'S NO USE LYING TO ME.

I'M AT THE LOWEST POINT I
COULD BE, SO TELL ME THE TRUTH.

MAUREEN ASKED ME OUT.

GOING DOWN.

IT HAPPENED THE OTHER NIGHT

WHEN YOU WENT TO
THE BAR TO GET DRINKS.

YOU KNOW, IT JUST...
CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD.

I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE IT.

SO, NILES TOLD ME...

NILES?!

NILES KNOWS?

IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE

A ONE-TIME THING

JUST TO SEE IF THERE
WAS SOMETHING THERE

AND IF THERE WASN'T

THEN YOU'D NEVER KNOW ABOUT IT.

WELL, IS THERE...
SOMETHING THERE?

OH, YEAH.

WELL, IT'S NOT

AS IF WE WERE
STANDING SIDE BY SIDE

WHEN SHE CHOSE YOU.

I WAS AT THE BAR.

IF YOU'D GONE TO GET THE DRINKS

THINGS WOULD HAVE
BEEN DIFFERENT.

I DON'T THINK SO.

DAD, I'M DROWNING HERE.

PLEASE, THROW ME A LINE.

I'LL GO TELL HER

THIS WHOLE THING IS A MISTAKE.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, DAD.

I'LL BE ALL RIGHT, REALLY.

SO...

THE OLD DOG'S STILL
GOT IT IN HIM, HUH?

YEAH, YEAH.

BUT HOW LONG CAN IT LAST?

I MEAN, SHE'S GOT TO COME
TO HER SENSES EVENTUALLY.

OH, NO, DAD.

DON'T SELL YOURSELF SHORT.

YOU'VE GOT A LOT TO OFFER.

WELL, I'M GOING...

GOING TO HEAD OFF TO WORK.

GOOD NIGHT, DAD.

GOOD NIGHT. THANKS.

DAMN.

UH-HUH, OKAY, THANKS.

FRASIER'S ON HIS WAY

SO EVERYBODY HIDE AND BE QUIET.

DO YOU THINK HE'LL BE SURPRISED?

CONSIDERING HIS
BIRTHDAY WAS YESTERDAY

YEAH, I DO, ELIZABETH.

SHOULD WE YELL "SURPRISE"
OR "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"?

WE'VE DONE THIS, LIKE, 500 TIMES

AND EVERY TIME IS
PRETTY MUCH THE SAME.

WE YELL, THE PERSON
PRETENDS TO BE SURPRISED

AND WE STUFF
OURSELVES WITH CAKE.

I JUST WANTED IT TO BE PERFECT.

AND THAT IS WHAT MAKES
YOU SO SPECIAL TO US.

NOW GET UNDER THE CONSOLE.

OH, YES.

HI, FRASIER.

HOW YOU DOING?

JUST WONDERFUL.

43 IS OFF TO A ROUSING START.

REMEMBER THAT POLICEWOMAN
I WAS INTERESTED IN?

YEAH.

WELL, SHE'S DATING MY FATHER.

YOUR FATHER?

MM-HMM.

I KNOW WHAT WILL TAKE
YOUR MIND OFF OF IT.

I'VE GOT SOMETHING
REALLY FUNNY IN MY BOOTH.

I SPENT THE LAST HOUR
ASSESSING MY LIFE.

DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT'S BEEN
SINCE I'VE SLEPT WITH A WOMAN?

SEVEN MONTHS! FRASIER.

ALL RIGHT, NINE MONTHS.

I REALLY DON'T THINK WE SHOULD

TALK ABOUT THAT NOW.

OH, SURE.

FINE... YOU CAN'T
SPARE ME FIVE MINUTES

WHEN EVERY DAY I
DROP WHAT I'M DOING

TO BE YOUR PERSONAL
WAILING WALL.

"FRASIER, HE'S
STOPPED CALLING ME.

"FRASIER, HE WANTS HIS KEY BACK.

"FRASIER, HIS GIRLFRIEND

IS HAVING ME FOLLOWED."

I'M SORRY.

SO NINE MONTHS, HUH?

NINE LONG, LONG MONTHS.

OH.

YOU KNOW WHO THAT WOMAN WAS?

EDNA, FROM ACCOUNTING.

THE NEXT DAY, SHE DUMPED ME.

I'M STARTING TO FEEL NOSTALGIC

FOR THAT SUMMER IN MY 20S

WHEN I WAS IMPOTENT.

THE ONLY COMFORT I HAVE NOW

IS KNOWING THAT MY HUMILIATION

CAN'T POSSIBLY GET ANY WORSE.

SURPRISE!

HI, EDNA.