Frasier (1993–2004): Season 3, Episode 11 - The Friend - full transcript

WHOA, SLOW DOWN.

HEY, DAPHNE

GUESS WHAT EDDIE
ATE IN THE PARK TODAY.

UH, LET'S SEE.

A HOT DOG WRAPPER?

NOPE. GUESS AGAIN.

A CIGARETTE BUTT?

GUESS AGAIN. APPLE CORE?

NOPE. GUESS AGAIN.

MUST YOU TWO PLAY
THIS RIDICULOUS GAME?

SHE MAKES SOME FEEBLE STAB



AND YOU SAY, "NO. GUESS AGAIN."

THEN SHE STARTS FLAILING AWAY

WITH EVEN MORE LUDICROUS ANSWERS

ALL THE WHILE YOU
CHANTING, "GUESS AGAIN"

TILL SHE'S GIBBERING LIKE SOME
AUCTIONEER WITH A BAD BLADDER.

THEN YOU FINALLY
REVEAL THE ANSWER

AT WHICH POINT
NOBODY EVEN CARES.

I'M NOT SURE WHO
GOT THE WORST OF THAT

BUT I THINK IT WAS YOU.

GUESS AGAIN.

( doorbell rings)

( sighs)

NILES.

THERE'S A HALF-EATEN
LIZARD IN YOUR ELEVATOR.



AND THAT'S THE LAST
HINT YOU'RE GETTING.

OH, FRASIER, I HAD A
BREAKTHROUGH TODAY

WITH ONE OF MY
COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS

AND HE GAVE ME TWO TICKETS

TO THE RACETRACK ON SATURDAY.

IT'S A LUXURY BOX.

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT TO GO.

I WOULD LOVE TO, NILES.

WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO USE THEM?

WELL, THE JOCKEYS,
IF YOU MUST KNOW.

WHAT?

DIMINUTIVE, UNDERWEIGHT
FIGURES IN EXPENSIVE SILKS

WIELDING RIDING CROPS...

IT JUST REMINDED ME

TOO MUCH OF MARIS.

DAD, WHAT ABOUT YOU?

I'VE NEVER KNOWN YOU
TO TURN DOWN THE HORSES.

I GOT POKER WITH THE GUYS.

OH, WELL, THEN, I'LL JUST, UH...

CALL ONE OF MY FRIENDS.

GEEZ, THIS IS SORT
OF EMBARRASSING.

FIRST THREE NAMES

ON MY LIST, THEY'RE
ALL BACK IN BOSTON.

WHAT ABOUT SOMEONE
FROM YOUR WINE CLUB?

TRUTH BE TOLD, DAPHNE

THOSE PEOPLE ARE BORES

UNLESS THEY HAVE A
GLASS IN THEIR HANDS.

SHERRY, NILES?

PLEASE.

OH, I KNOW.

HOW ABOUT...

ED O'HANLON.

MOVED AWAY LAST YEAR.

OH, OH! HOW ABOUT EDMUND KELLY.

I KNOW OL' ED.

HE'D NEVER LEAVE SEATTLE.

INDEED NOT. THEY BURIED
HIM HERE THREE YEARS AGO.

DEAR ME. REALLY?

WELL, HMM.

GEEZ, I'LL MISS HIM.

YES. THREE YEARS FROM NOW
WHEN YOU THINK OF HIM AGAIN

THERE'LL BE A VOID.

MY GOD. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

I'VE BEEN BACK
HERE FOR TWO YEARS

I'VE YET TO FORGE
ANY NEW FRIENDSHIPS.

WELL, YOU'D BETTER
WATCH IT, FRASIER.

NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU'LL
BE LIKE ONE OF THESE OLD PEOPLE

WHO ARE SO SET IN THEIR
WAYS THAT THEY'RE ONLY HAPPY

HANGING AROUND WITH PEOPLE
WHO ARE THE SAME AS THEY ARE.

( barking)

WHAT EXACTLY IS YOUR POINT, DAD?

I'VE LOST MY KNACK
FOR MAKING FRIENDS?

WELL, I HATE TO BRING IT UP

BUT YOU NEVER
WERE VERY GOOD AT IT.

IT WAS ALWAYS YOU AND NILES

EVER SINCE YOU WERE KIDS.

THE TWO OF YOU ALWAYS
HOLED UP IN THAT DAMN GARAGE

AT LEAST UNTIL YOU
BURNED IT DOWN.

YOU BURNED DOWN THE GARAGE?

WELL, WITH FRASIER
AND HIS BUNSEN BURNER

AND ME AND MY
MOSQUITO REPELLANT...

IN RETROSPECT, IT
WAS UNAVOIDABLE.

Frasier: STILL, DAD,
I DID HAVE FRIENDS

IN COLLEGE AND BACK IN BOSTON.

IT'S ONLY SINCE I'VE
MOVED TO SEATTLE

THAT I STARTED
FALLING BACK ON NILES.

OOH, FALLING BACK ON NILES.

OH, NILES, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

SETTLING FOR WHAT'S FAMILIAR.

MY GOD, YOU AND I
CAN GO OUT TOGETHER

AND I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING

BEFORE YOU EVEN SAY IT.

WELL, THEN I'M SORRY YOU
HAD TO HEAR THAT, FRASIER.

THIS WOULD MAKE A
WONDERFUL TOPIC FOR MY SHOW.

"MAKING NEW FRIENDS:
WHAT ARE WE SO AFRAID OF?"

WHY DO YOU
COMPLICATE EVERYTHING?

YOU WANT TO MEET SOMEBODY NEW

WALK UP TO HIM

STICK OUT YOUR
HAND AND SAY, "HI."

I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON YOU
NOT TO OVERTHINK SOMETHING.

THANKS.

HEY!

Frasier: SO WHY IS IT WE HAVE SO
MUCH TROUBLE MAKING FRIENDS?

IS IT BECAUSE WE'VE
BECOME CLOSED OFF AND

NO LONGER WANT TO REACH
OUT TO OUR FELLOW MAN?

I'D LIKE TO THINK
THAT IF ONE OF YOU

LISTENERS SAW ME ON THE STREET

YOU'D FEEL FREE TO WALK UP...

EXCUSE ME, DR. CRANE.

WE HAVE TO STOP
FOR A VERY IMPORTANT

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT.

HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?!

YOU'RE OPENING YOURSELF UP

TO EVERY CREEP OUT THERE.

THAT'S THE KIND OF
CYNICISM I'M TALKING ABOUT.

I HAPPEN TO BELIEVE IN THE
KINDNESS OF STRANGERS.

WELL, I BELIEVE

IN THE STRANGENESS OF STRANGERS.

THREE SECONDS.

HI, WE'RE BACK ON THE
TOPIC OF FRIENDSHIP.

NOW LET'S GO TO THE SWITCHBOARD.

ROZ, WHO'S ON LINE ONE?

GOOD NEWS, DR. CRANE.

IT'S GERARD FROM STANWOOD.

A NEW FRIEND.

HELLO, GERARD, I'M LISTENING.

Well, I called for
another reason, Dr. Crane

but what you just
said really moved me.

I wish more
people felt that way.

WELL, THANK YOU, GERARD.

I SENSE A KINDRED SPIRIT.

Maybe we could get together
sometime, have a beer.

Maybe I could, you know...

comb your hair.

WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH

FOR YOUR OFFER OF
FRIENDSHIP, GEORGE

BUT I REALLY DON'T HAVE $5,000

TO INVEST IN YOUR FRENCH
FRY VENDING MACHINE

AND FOR THE SAKE OF
THOSE WHO DO INVEST

I SUGGEST, SIR, THAT
YOU FIND A BETTER NAME

THAN "THE SPUDDY BUDDY."

THIS IS DR. FRASIER
CRANE, WISHING YOU ALL

GOOD MENTAL HEALTH.

I MEAN THAT TODAY
MORE THAN EVER.

I JUST LOVE IT WHEN I'M RIGHT.

MAKES THE DAY SO GOOD.

YOU STACKED THE
DECK, DIDN'T YOU?

YOU SHOULD'VE HEARD
SOME OF THE CALLS

I DIDN'T PUT THROUGH,
LET ALONE THESE FAXES.

READ SOME OF
THESE. THEY'RE SICK.

OH, ROZ, MY LISTENERS
ARE NOT SICK!

ALTHOUGH THIS ONE
DOES BEAR WATCHING.

HERE'S ONE THAT HAS PROMISE.

LET'S SEE. "DEAR DR. CRANE

"I NEVER THOUGHT I'D
WRITE A LETTER LIKE THIS

"BUT I WAS MOVED
BY TODAY'S SHOW.

"AS A PHOTOGRAPHER,
I COME INTO CONTACT

"WITH NEW PEOPLE
ON A DAILY BASIS.

"YET I OFTEN FIND IT DIFFICULT

"TO MAKE THAT
ONE-ON-ONE CONNECTION.

"HOWEVER, YOUR
WORDS OFFERED HOPE

"AND I JUST WANTED
TO SAY THANK YOU.

SINCERELY, BOB REYNOLDS."

WELL, HE DOESN'T
SOUND TOO WHACKED.

I THINK I'M GOING TO GIVE
MR. BOB REYNOLDS A CALL.

OH, ARE YOU NUTS?

HE COULD BE A RAVING PSYCHOPATH

WITH A TRUNK FULL OF
DECOMPOSING SQUIRRELS.

RUBBISH, ROZ! I'M CALLING HIM.

BY THE WAY, WHERE
DID YOU COME UP

WITH SUCH A DISGUSTING IMAGE?

MEET GARTH FROM TACOMA.

Niles: YOU'RE LATE TODAY

BUT I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

I NEED YOUR HELP.

MY DESIGNER IS READY TO MUTINY

IF I DON'T PICK A FABRIC
FOR MY NEW COUCH.

NOW I'VE BROUGHT
LOTS OF SWATCHES

SO MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.

FRANKLY, NILES, I'M
NOT HERE TO SEE YOU.

I'M MEETING A NEW FRIEND.

A NEW FRIEND?

YES. WELL, YOU REMEMBER I WAS

TALKING ABOUT WIDENING
MY CIRCLE OF FRIENDS.

OH, I SEE.

NO MORE FALLING BACK ON NILES.

NO. IT'S NOT

THAT I'M TRYING TO
REPLACE YOU, NILES.

IT'S JUST THAT BOB AND I ARE...

BOB?

YOU'RE DUMPING ME FOR
SOMEONE NAMED BOB?

NILES, I AM NOT DUMPING YOU.

I'M JUST WORRIED THAT
BOB MIGHT FEEL AWKWARD

MEETING THE TWO OF US.

OH, WELL, WE WOULDN'T WANT

TO MAKE BOB FEEL
UNCOMFORTABLE NOW, WOULD WE?

AFTER ALL, I'VE ONLY BEEN

YOUR BROTHER FOR 38 YEARS NOW.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN
WHEN THERE'S THE POSSIBILITY

THAT BOB MAY FEEL AWKWARD.

Woman: THERE'S A MAN OVER THERE

WHO SAYS HE'S WAITING FOR YOU.

AH, NO DOUBT THE
MUCH-BALLYHOOED BOB.

NILES!

OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

I'LL GO QUIETLY.

AND DON'T WORRY
ABOUT ME, I'LL BE FINE.

I'LL JUST GO HOME TO MY MARIS.

OH! THAT'S RIGHT.

BOB?

DR. CRANE?

NO, PLEASE...

CALL ME FRASIER.

FRASIER, THEN.

I'M GLAD YOU CALLED.

OH, YES, WELL...

COFFEE, PLEASE? THANK YOU.

WELL, UH...

SO...

SO.

( nervous laughter)

LISTEN, THANK YOU FOR YOUR FAX.

I LISTEN TO YOUR
SHOW ALL THE TIME.

I THINK YOU'RE BRILLIANT.

YOU'RE PROBABLY SICK

OF HEARING THAT THOUGH, RIGHT?

ONE WOULD THINK,
BUT IT'S MY CROSS.

( laughing)

THAT'S THE THING I
LOVE ABOUT YOUR SHOW.

YOU'RE NOT JUST SERIOUS.
YOU CAN BE FUNNY.

WELL, YES, I BELIEVE THAT HUMOR
CAN BE A THERAPEUTIC TOOL.

"AGAINST THE ASSAULT OF
LAUGHTER, NOTHING CAN STAND."

MARK TWAIN.

THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER.

I HAVE A FIRST EDITION.

I'M A COLLECTOR MYSELF.

YOU KNOW, I WAS
A BIT TREPIDATIOUS

ABOUT THIS EXPERIMENT, BOB

BUT I'M FEELING A
REAL SIMPATICO HERE.

YEAH, ME TOO.

WHAT DO YOU SAY ONCE
WE FINISH THESE COFFEES

WE TREAT OURSELVES
TO A PROPER DINNER?

HEY, THAT SOUNDS GREAT.

SO, WHAT ARE YOU READING?

IT'S MY BIBLE.

THE BIG BOOK OF
BARBECUE BY JEFF FILGO.

HE'S A TEXAN.

OF COURSE, ALL TEXANS

THINK THEY INVENTED BARBECUE...

ARROGANT BASTARDS.

YOU LIKE BARBECUE?

WELL, UM...

NATIONAL HOLIDAY,
FOURTH OF JULY...

THAT SORT OF THING.

YOU KNOW THE SECRET
TO GOOD BARBECUE?

MESQUITE.

AND THE SECRET TO MESQUITE IS

YOU GOT TO SOAK THEM
IN WATER FOR TEN MINUTES.

ON SPECIAL OCCASIONS,
I'LL SOAK THEM IN BEER.

ONCE I SOAKED THEM IN SAKE

FOR THAT FLAVOR OF THE FAR EAST.

YOU KNOW, IN JAPAN THEY CALL
THEIR BARBECUES HIBACHIS...

THE ARROGANT BASTARDS.

I'M DIGGING MY OWN
BARBECUE PIT RIGHT NOW.

MY SPECIALTY IS THE
CHEYENNE SMOKY QUAIL.

THE TRICK IS A HIGH,
ENGULFING FLAME

LIKE A FOREST FIRE.

OF COURSE, THEY
CALL FOREST FIRES

"NATURE'S BARBECUE."

YOU KNOW WHAT

MY COWORKERS CALL ME?

SHISH KE-BOB.

AH.

WELL, BOB, UH...

DO YOU HAVE ANY
CHARCOAL-FREE INTERESTS?

YEAH, I'M A PROFESSIONAL
PHOTOGRAPHER.

THE CAMERA NEVER LIES.

YES. I AM A BIT OF A
CAMERA BUFF MYSELF.

ARE YOU A PHOTOJOURNALIST?

I TAKE KIDS' PORTRAITS
AT VALUEMART

"WHERE YOUR DOLLAR BUYS MORE."

YOU KNOW WHAT? AH.

WHY DON'T WE TALK
ABOUT THIS OVER DINNER?

RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, BOB...

ABOUT THAT DINNER...

HOW ABOUT TEX-MEX, HUH?

HEY, YOU'RE TALKING MY LANGUAGE.

( wheelchair squeaking)

NO, YOU DON'T.

I'M FIXING YOU A BREAKFAST DRINK

WITH FRESH FRUIT, YOGURT

CAROB, PITTED PRUNES.

A HEALTHY BODY MAKES
FOR A SUNNY DISPOSITION.

YOU WANT SUNNY, LET
ME HAVE MY FRITTER.

OH, SHUSH.

THERE WE ARE.

THERE JUST AREN'T ENOUGH DRINKS

THAT BUILD UP A NICE
HEAD OF BLACK FOAM.

MORNING.

YOU WERE HOME LATE LAST NIGHT.

MM-HMM. I HAD DINNER
WITH A NEW FRIEND, BOB.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME?

HARDLY.

HE TALKS ENDLESSLY ON SUBJECTS

OF NO INTEREST
TO ANYONE BUT HIM.

GEE, I CAN'T IMAGINE
WHAT THAT'S LIKE.

DAD, HE TOOK ME TO THIS
GOD-AWFUL BARBECUE PLACE.

ALL THEY SERVE IS HUGE PLATTERS
OF CHARRED, GREASY BEEF.

THE ONLY SOUND YOU CAN HEAR

IS THE GNAWING OF MEAT,
AND THE SMACKING OF LIPS

AND THE CLATTER OF
BONES HITTING THE FLOOR.

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

I'M HAVING THAT FRITTER.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE THIS MAN

WHY DID YOU HAVE
DINNER WITH HIM?

I WAS GOING TO TELL HIM

THAT I DIDN'T WANT
TO SEE HIM ANYMORE

BUT IT'S A BIT MORE
DELICATE THAN JUST THAT, UH...

THE PROBLEM IS, HE'S...

HE'S IN A WHEELCHAIR.

SO WHAT?

IF YOU DON'T LIKE HIM...

IT'S JUST THAT I'D
HATE TO HAVE HIM THINK

IT WAS JUST BECAUSE
OF THE CHAIR.

I HAVE WORKED WITH THE
DISABLED FOR OVER TEN YEARS NOW

AND IF IT'S ONE
THING I'VE LEARNED

THEY DON'T WANT
SPECIAL TREATMENT.

OH, I FORGOT TO
BRING IN THE PAPER.

DAPHNE, WOULD YOU GET IT?

MY LEG'S JUST ACHING
AND THROBBING.

( doorbell rings)

I'LL GET IT.

YOU KNOW, DAPHNE, YOU'RE RIGHT.

I WAS KIND OF A
COWARD, WASN'T I?

WELL, AT LEAST I GOT
THROUGH THE EVENING.

HERE'S YOUR PAPER, BUDDY.

BOB, YOU'RE HERE.

UH, DID WE HAVE PLANS?

NOPE. I WAS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

JUST THOUGHT I'D STOP BY.

DID I MENTION WHERE
I LIVED LAST NIGHT?

I AM ASTONISHINGLY
SURE I DIDN'T.

YOU'D BE AMAZED
WHAT YOU CAN FIND OUT

WITH COMPUTERS TODAY.

ANYWAY, BROUGHT BAGELS.

POPPY SEED, PUMPERNICKEL, RYE

SESAME, ONION, GARLIC

BECAUSE AFTER ALL

BREAKFAST IS THE MOST
IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY.

HEY-HO, YOU MUST BE MARTIN.

YOU'RE DAPHNE.

THAT'S RIGHT.

AND YOU MUST BE BOB.

BOB. SAME BACKWARDS AS FORWARDS.

Daphne: OH, YES, IT IS.

( all chuckling)

Roz: YOU GOT SOME MESSAGES.

BOB, BOB, AND, OH, LOOK...

HERE'S ONE FROM BOB.

TWO WEEKS AND 45 PHONE CALLS.

CAN'T WE JUST GET
AN UNLISTED NUMBER?

THEY SORT OF FROWN ON
THAT WITH CALL-IN SHOWS.

I KNOW, I KNOW.

FRASIER, YOU'VE GOT TO
DO SOMETHING ABOUT BOB.

I KNOW, ROZ.

I'M WORKING UP TO IT.

YOU KNOW, THE
LONGER YOU PUT IT OFF

THE WORSE HE'LL FEEL
WHEN YOU TELL HIM.

YES, I KNOW THAT.

I'M A PSYCHIATRIST.

I'M QUITE CAPABLE OF DEALING
WITH DIFFICULT PROBLEMS

IN A SENSITIVE, MATURE FASHION.

WAIT!

DO YOU HEAR THAT?

THAT SQUEAK.

WHAT SQUEAK?

HE'S HERE! IT'S BOB!

I DON'T HEAR ANYTHING.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

ONLY DOGS AND I CAN HEAR IT.

FRASIER, YOU'RE BEING PARANOID.

NO...

( squeaking)

IT'S THE SOUND OF HIS CHAIR.

I'D KNOW IT ANYWHERE.

( squeaking)

OH, MY GOD!

HI, BOB.

KNOCK-KNOCK, ROZ.

IS FRASIER AROUND?

OH, YOU JUST MISSED HIM.

TOO BAD. I GOT GREAT NEWS.

I CHECKED OUT THAT
VACANCY IN HIS BUILDING

AND, UH, WELL, GUESS WHO'S
GOING TO BE NEIGHBORS?

( strangled sob)

WHAT WAS THAT?

FEEDBACK. THIS EQUIPMENT'S
OLD AND PATHETIC.

WELL, UH, MAYBE I
CAN CATCH FRASIER

BACK AT HIS PLACE.

CORRECTION. OUR PLACE.

BYE, BOB.

BYE, ROZ.

( squeaking)

OKAY, HE'S GONE.

YOU CAN COME OUT NOW.

NO, HE'S NOT.

HE'S NEVER REALLY GONE.

SO, BOB'S GOING TO
BE YOUR NEW NEIGHBOR.

BREAK OUT THE BUTANE.

NOW EVERY DAY CAN
BE BARBECUE DAY.

OH, GOD!

NO! HE IS NOT GOING TO
MOVE INTO MY BUILDING.

I'M GOING TO TALK TO HIM, ROZ.

YOU'VE BROKEN UP

WITH A LOT OF PEOPLE.

WHAT'S THE MOST
EFFECTIVE THING TO SAY?

I LOVE YOU, AND I WANT
TO HAVE YOUR BABY.

GOOD. I'VE GOT MY FALLBACK.

OH, NILES, NILES,
I NEED TO TALK.

BOB'S MEETING ME HERE AND...

THIS ISN'T MY USUAL.

WELL, IT'S NOT FOR YOU.

IT'S FOR MY FRIEND.

THAT MAN IS YOUR FRIEND?

YUP.

WE SHARE THOUGHTS, FEELINGS

TALK ABOUT THE
ARTS, CURRENT EVENTS.

TODAY, WE'RE JUST HANGIN'.

THERE YOU ARE.

THANKS.

MY PLEASURE.

YOU KNOW, I CAN'T STAY LONG.

I'VE GOT FOUR MORE POOLS
TO CLEAN TODAY BESIDES YOURS

AND I'M GOING TO LOSE SUNLIGHT.

WELL, YOU KNOW...
RALPH, I WAS THINKING

THAT IN MANY WAYS, MY
PROFESSION IS A LOT LIKE YOURS.

I START OUT SKIMMING THE SURFACE

OF THE HUMAN PSYCHE

AND THEN I PLUNGE EVER DEEPER

INTO THE MURKY UNDERCURRENTS

ADDING CHEMICALS WHEN NECESSARY.

THERE'S A LOT OF
LEAVES THIS YEAR.

I'M GLAD YOU CALLED.

I WAS STARTING TO
GET SELF-CONSCIOUS.

IT SEEMS LIKE I'M
ALWAYS THE ONE CALLING

OR STOPPING BY OR
SUGGESTING DINNER OR MOVIES

OR SHOPPING FOR HATS.

OH. HEY, I GOT YOU A BEAUT.

WELL, BOB, YOU
REALLY SHOULDN'T HAVE.

I KNEW YOU'D
LIKE IT... NEIGHBOR.

( forced chuckle)

ABOUT THAT, BOB, HAVE
YOU SIGNED A LEASE YET?

NO. WHY?

WELL... WE NEED TO TALK.

WHOA. IF YOU WERE A WOMAN,
I'D SWEAR YOU WERE DUMPING ME.

( laughing)

WELL...

BLUE ONE'S NICE.

I'M CONCERNED THAT THE BLUE

MIGHT BE A BIT OVERBEARING

ON A COUCH OF THAT SIZE

THOUGH IT MIGHT COMPLIMENT

THAT KILIM RUG I WAS
TELLING YOU ABOUT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I LIVE IN MY VAN.

SO, YOU, YOU PROBABLY
GO FOR COLORS

THAT ADD THE ILLUSION OF SPACE.

YOU KNOW, DR. CRANE,
TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST

WHEN YOU ASKED
IF I WANTED COFFEE

I THOUGHT YOU WERE
GOING TO BRING ME ONE.

DULY NOTED, RALPH.

NEXT WEEK, YOU CAN...

GO BACK TO DRINKING
FROM THE HOSE.

YOU SEE, I...

I JUST DON'T THINK

THERE'S A BASIS BETWEEN US

FOR A SOUND FRIENDSHIP.

NEITHER OF US SHOULD
FEEL BAD ABOUT IT.

THAT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY.

YOU'RE NOT THE
ONE BEING REJECTED.

NO, I'M NOT REJECTING YOU.

THE TRUTH IS, YOU'RE,
YOU'RE PLEASANT

YOU'RE CH-CHARMING...

FRASIER, I'M AN ADULT HERE.

AT LEAST RESPECT ME ENOUGH

TO TELL ME WHAT IT IS
YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT ME.

WELL, ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT. LOOK...

WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY
NOTHING IN COMMON.

YOU TALK ON ENDLESSLY
ABOUT SUBJECTS

THAT I HAVE NO INTEREST IN.

YOU CALL ME ALL THE TIME.

FRANKLY, Y-YOU'RE
SUFFOCATING ME!

WOW. I... I-I-I DON'T
KNOW WHAT TO SAY. I...

I WISH YOU'D SAID
SOMETHING SOONER.

I WANTED TO.

IT'S, FRANKLY, I WAS
AFRAID THAT YOU'D...

THINK IT WAS BECAUSE OF THE...

YOU KNOW.

THE WHAT?

THE WHEELCHAIR.

WHY WOULD I THINK THAT?

WELL, UH...

I DON'T KNOW.

I-I JUST WANTED
YOU TO KNOW THAT.

I WISH IT DID HAVE
TO DO WITH THE CHAIR.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

WELL, IF THE CHAIR
WERE YOUR PROBLEM

THAT WOULD MAKE YOU A JERK.

THIS WAY, I'M THE JERK.

WELL, I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.

YOU JUST SAID I'M
BORING AND OBNOXIOUS.

WHO KNOWS PEOPLE
BETTER THAN YOU?

YOU CAN... YOU CAN KEEP THE HAT.

BOB, WAIT.

UH...

PLEASE, LOOK.

I'VE GOT TO LEVEL
WITH YOU, UH...

THE TRUTH IS, I...

I FIND NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.

I WAS JUST ASHAMED
TO ADMIT IT, BUT, UH...

IT IS THE CHAIR.

WHAT?

I THINK, FRANKLY, THAT YOU
ARE WONDERFUL COMPANY.

WILDLY STIMULATING.

YOUR HOBBIES ARE SO FASCINATING

AND YOU HAVE A SENSE OF
STYLE THAT REALLY, I MEAN

DOESN'T COMPARE TO ANYONE'S.

IT'S JUST... ME.

I FEEL PETTY AND
SMALL ABOUT IT, BUT...

I CAN'T GET PAST THE CHAIR.

I-I'M SORRY, BOB. PLEASE...

I'M SORRY. THIS IS GOOD-BYE.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

YOU DON'T WANT TO BE MY FRIEND

'CAUSE I'M IN A WHEELCHAIR?

WHAT? THAT'S THE WORST
THING I'VE EVER HEARD.

LOOK, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

WHAT'S NOT TO UNDERSTAND?

YOU JUST SAID, FLAT OUT,
MY CHAIR REPULSES YOU.

WHAT KIND OF A PERSON DOES THAT?

I'VE GOT A BIRTHMARK ON MY BACK.

I GUESS WE CAN'T
BE FRIENDS EITHER.

YOU KNOW, FRANKLY, THIS
DOESN'T CONCERN ANY OF YOU.

WHEN I THINK

ABOUT ALL THE GIFTS I GAVE YOU.

ALL THE BARBECUE SAUCE...

HOT AND SPICY, TEX-MEX

MESQUITE

TERIYAKI, HONEY-MUSTARD...

OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE, BOB

PUT A SOCK IN IT!

WE WERE JUST ON
OUR WAY TO DINNER.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN US?

I'D LOVE TO.

SO, YOU GUYS LIKE BARBECUE?

YEAH, WHO DOESN'T?

ARE THESE WINGTIPS TOO
BUSY WITH THESE PANTS?

WELL, YES, THEY'RE
A BIT FRENZIED.

PERHAPS A WOVEN LACE
WOULD TONE DOWN THE GLITZ.

MIGHT HAVE TO GO
OVERSEAS FOR THAT.

NO, YOU CAN GET THEM DOWNTOWN.

WHO SHOPS DOWNTOWN ANYMORE?

I DO, FOR ONE. YOU AND WHO ELSE?

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