Frasier (1993–2004): Season 11, Episode 7 - Maris Returns - full transcript
Frasier makes a return to practicing private psychiatry, and although he is most excited, his first day turns into a sequence of disasters. Niles, who is doing his best to cope with a pregnant and hormonal Daphne, receives an unexpected phone call from a hysterical Maris. He agrees to meet her for lunch, and learns that she has problems with a new boyfriend, an Argentine polo player who has a violent temper. Niles advises Maris to leave him, and is worried how Daphne will react to hearing about the meeting. Both Frasier and Martin advise him to keep it to himself, so when Daphne starts asking questions about lunch, Niles pretends to be organizing a surprise baby shower for her. However, the deception becomes progressively more difficult to sustain. Things come out when the polo player comes to the apartment, mistakes Frasier for Niles, and punches him in the face. Daphne learns that Niles met with Maris and is understandably furious that he lied. Later, Niles apologizes to Daphne and she accepts his apology. As they leave, the radio changes to a news broadcast and reveals that Maris killed her boyfriend.
Mm, that Lemon
Sunrise smells refreshing.
Ugh! It tastes like
a cup of cold sick.
It's hell to be pregnant.
I know.
No, you don't.
No, I don't.
And that's why I
got you this present.
"Belle Du Jour Day Spa"?
Yes, it's for this afternoon.
I think you need
a little pampering.
Oh, Niles!
I'm so lucky to have a husband
who's so tolerant of my...
Mood swings?
I would have come up with it.
I'm not stupid.
Hello, all. Hello. Hey.
What a glorious
morning it is, isn't it?
May I get my usual, please?
Well, well, nice to see
you're approaching your
first day of private practice
with such an upbeat attitude.
Yes, I'm like an eager schoolboy
on his first day of fractions.
So, how was the
Vanlandingham's party last night?
Weren't you lucky
to snare an invitation?
Yes. No.
No.
Well, I'd better get
over to your father's.
Call me later.
I will.
Thanks again for
my day of beauty.
I'm sorry I snapped at you.
Did you snap at me?
I didn't even notice.
That's because you don't listen.
Ah...
the mood swings.
Takes me back.
Thank you.
Well, anyway, in
honor of your first day,
I want to take you out to lunch.
There's a wonderful
Indian restaurant
right across the street
from our building.
Could we order in from them?
I'm booked except between
the hours of 11:45 and 12:30.
All right.
My, that's an
ambitious first day.
Yes, well, I want
to pack in all I can.
That's why I took the day
off from my radio snow.
Well, happy sailing
through the choppy waters
of the dysfunctional
and the disturbed.
"Optional eyebrow wax"?!
What is that supposed to mean?!
Same to you, skipper.
Dr. Crane? I'm Peggy.
I hope I'm not late.
Not at all. Won't you come in?
I'm Dr. Frasier Crane.
Please, be seated.
First of all, welcome.
Whether our journey
together lasts for years
or just one day,
I can't tell you
how excited I am
to take this first
step with you.
You know I'm just the temp?
Ah.
Well, I see my
first patient is here.
If you could just see her in.
Thank you.
Righty-o.
Go right in.
Hello, Dr. Crane.
I'm Jane Walsh.
Hello, Jane. Please
be seated, won't you?
I'm Dr. Frasier Crane.
First of all, welcome.
Whether our journey
together lasts for
years or just for one day,
I can't tell you
how excited I am
to take this first
step with you.
Have we met?
Ah, I am in the media.
So my face is recognizable.
But don't let that inhibit you.
Please, what's on your mind?
Okay, um...
sometimes I feel this, this kind
of sadness hanging over me.
I see.
And is this sadness
triggered by anything...?
Wait. Did you ever date a
woman named Stephanie Walsh?
Yes, a few years ago.
She's my sister.
Oh.
Yeah, I met you at a party once.
Oh, well, then I'm
glad we cleared that up.
All right, now, this
sadness of yours,
is it a general...
I'm sorry.
I was just
remembering something.
Uh, yeah, I'm sad all the time.
Ah. Yes, well,
you are now in a place
where you can feel
free to express yourself.
I'm sorry. I was just...
I was thinking about something
my sister told me about you.
Well, perhaps we
should discuss it.
Okay.
Um, you were in
bed with my sister,
and, uh, right in
the middle of things,
I guess you called her "Milady."
I see.
I'm sorry. No, no, please.
It's important
that you feel free
to express yourself to me.
Please, go on. All right.
It became this running joke
between me and my sister.
She called me "Milady,"
and I called her "Milady,"
and my mother started doing it,
and now my aunt has
a cat named "Milady."
This isn't going to work, is it?
No, I don't think so.
I am so sorry, again.
Oh, please, not at all.
It's just fine.
And best of luck conquering
that constant sadness.
If you're done, Dr. C,
your next patient is here.
Already?
Yeah, that's me.
I find it best to be no later
than a half hour early.
Saves a lot of anxiety.
First of all,
welcome.
Whether our journey
together lasts for years
or just one day,
I can't tell you
how excited I am
to take this first
step with you.
No, this won't work.
Thanks. Bye.
Oh! Hello.
Sir... Sir!
That's all right, Peggy.
Goodness, done with
your 10:00 already?
That was my 11:00.
Hello.
Calm down! Calm down!
What is it?
I was planning on
lunching with Frasier.
No, no, if it's that
urgent, I'll see you then.
Oh, dear.
What's got Daphne
all worked up now?
It wasn't Daphne.
It was Maris.
Maris?!
I haven't spoken
to her for months.
She said she needs to see me.
About what?
I don't know. She
was hysterical.
I haven't heard
her this panicked
since her strength gave out
halfway through
a revolving door.
Uh, I have to cancel lunch.
Can't you see her after lunch?
I have patients. Before, then.
I'm sorry. This
just won't work out.
You know, you could at
least give him a chance!
It's his first day!
Excuse me, I'm crazy,
and I need to see the doctor.
Hello, Dad.
I brought you
this for your office.
Thank you. Why
don't you have a seat?
What you doing there?
I'm just trying to
figure out this chair
from Stockholm Design.
Instruction booklet
alone would account
for the high
Swedish suicide rate.
Hey. Hey, Niles.
Niles, listen, how did
things go with Maris?
Maris?!
She invited me to
lunch at Le Toque.
She's gotten involved with
some Argentine polo player.
Turns out he's a cad
and a gold digger with
a violent temper to boot.
That's probably what
she put in her ad.
So, Niles, what
did you tell her?
I told her to leave him.
If he causes trouble,
get a restraining order.
She was very upset
by the whole thing.
Poor thing completely
lost her appetite.
Barely touched her snail.
I'm supposed to
be seeing Daphne.
She's going to love this.
Well, you're not going
to tell her, are you?
Well, I think I
have to, don't I?
You don't tell your pregnant
wife you had lunch with your ex.
Yes, I agree with Dad.
Normally, I'm a proponent
of telling the truth,
but as a man who's dealt
with a pregnant spouse,
I say lie until your
pants are on fire.
I see your point, of course,
but this isn't just a
little fib to cover up
some after-work shoe shopping.
This is a big lie.
I'm just not
comfortable with it.
Dr. Crane, I'm back from lunch.
Your next patient is here.
Thank you, Peggy.
Well, I'd love to stay
and chat, but duty calls.
If you want to wait,
he's usually very quick.
Thank you, Peggy.
Hello, Dr. Crane.
I'm Carol Dryden.
Hi, Carol. Please, come in.
Uh, won't you sit down?
Welcome.
Whether our journey
lasts for several years
or just for a day,
I want you to know
how excited I am
to take this first
step with you.
So, what's on your mind?
I guess I have trouble
asserting myself.
Uh-huh. How so?
Well, like last week,
I was supposed to have
dinner with some friends...
Please, why don't you go ahead?
Anyway, I didn't
really feel up to dinner,
but I'm the kind of
person that hates to dis...
appoint people,
and I was the designated
driver as usual...
Tell you what.
I'm just going to
get another chair.
And why don't you
keep talking, if you like.
I can still hear you.
So we go to dinner,
and my two friends
on either side of me
are talking over me
like I'm not even there.
And then when dinner arrived,
my meal didn't come,
and no one even noticed.
I guess after a while, that
kind of thing gets to you.
It's like people aren't
paying attention to me.
I can see how that would
be very frustrating for you.
And I'm a good person.
But sometimes I just
feel like the whole world
is shutting me out.
Oh, there you are.
I was just calling to see
if you were on your way.
I used to move faster
before I was carrying
your child around in me.
Well, why don't I get you
a soothing cup of herb tea
and then I'll tell you
about a very interesting
lunch I had today.
Hello.
Yes, he just stepped away.
Who's calling?
What do you want, Maris?
It most certainly
is my business.
He's my husband now.
You leave him alone.
That was Maris.
She has some nerve calling
after all she put us through.
How stupid does
she think you are
that you'd have anything
more to do with her?
Right.
Cheer me up.
Tell me about your
interesting lunch.
Who was it with?
Frasier.
You have lunch
with him all the time.
Wait a minute.
I spoke to him earlier.
He told me he was eating in.
And that's the interesting part,
because just then Dad showed up
and that clogged ear
of his was acting up,
so I took him to the doctor.
That's not interesting.
And your father told me he
was going to the dog track.
And that's where
it gets interesting
because after the doctor...
we had lunch at the dog track.
Let me just go
check on your tea.
Hey, Daph.
Hello, Martin.
How are your ears?
Huh?
How are your ears?!
Dad, Dad.
Here you go.
I was just... darling...
Telling Daphne
that I had lunch with
you at the dog track.
Right.
After the ear doctor.
Right.
And how about that
flat tire on the freeway?
Niles helped me change it.
All right, now I
know you're lying.
It all makes sense now.
First you get me out of
the house with that spa,
then this ridiculous story.
You're throwing me
a surprise baby shower
tonight, aren't you.
That's it. Yeah.
But promise you'll
look surprised
when you come
in through the door.
Oh, Niles, you are
the sweetest man alive!
Well, I should run.
The party's tonight
and I have one or two
finishing touches to tend to.
Come along, Dad.
Huh?
Come along.
Oh, you know, my
ear is really starting...
Get in the car!
Hey, Niles.
Not a bad party for
two hours' notice.
It's a disaster.
None of Daphne's
friends could make it.
I told the caterer I
wanted a maternity motif.
He thought I said
"fraternity," and now we have
three kegs of beer
and a six-foot hoagie.
Great spread, Niles.
Kenny Daly... Frasier's boss.
Roz invited me.
Sorry I didn't bring a present.
Actually, you did...
A baby blanket.
You'll find it in the
pile on the table.
Oh, great.
Oh, by the way,
your wife's a peach.
My wife isn't here yet.
Oh, no. Whose
stomach did I just rub?
Wow, Frasier, you're
really stuffing your pie hole.
Look, I've had a very tough day.
I'm entitled to a
little comfort food
before my evening appointment.
That was pretty.
I'll give you a tip, son.
Tough nights on the
force, I used to eat like that.
Trouble was, I'd be sitting
in the squad car all night,
pants digging in, stomach
making unholy noises.
There's only one
thing that helps:
loosen your belt and
pop the top button.
Thank you, Dad,
for schooling me
in the ancient ways.
Oh! Here she comes!
Oh! Oh! Come on.
Okay, okay.
Surprise!
My God, what a surprise!
I've never been so surprised!
Oh, thank you, Niles.
All these people who
mean so much to us.
Mom and Frasier and...
you.
Our doorman.
Doesn't he work with Frasier,
that man at the big sandwich?
Well, once word got
out, who was I to say no?
Here, Daphne.
I don't see many
of my friends yet.
Will Holly be coming?
Margaret or Tina?
Well, I had to make
the cutoff somewhere.
Excuse me, darling.
Would you come here.
Calm down, Niles. I can't.
I'm telling her another lie
every time I open my mouth!
Get a grip on yourself,
man! It's called marriage!
Dr. Crane? Yes?
I'm Esteban di Rojo.
I am the lover of
your ex-wife Maris.
Uh, you've made a mistake.
No, you have.
What did you do that for?
This ex-husband had
lunch with my Maris today.
He gave her fool's advice,
and she was a fool to follow it.
Are you all right?
Niles, did you have
lunch with Maris today?
Yes, I-I-I was
just about to tell...
So you weren't
planning my shower at all.
This whole party
was just a sham.
I'm so sorry. Not
as sorry as I am.
Daphne, Daphne, wait...
I don't want to hear it.
I've never been so
humiliated in my life.
Allow me.
Dr. Crane, your
appointment is here.
Is your eye okay?
It's kind of twitching.
Well, just a little
unfortunate accident.
Uh... please, send
her in. All right.
Hi. Hello.
I'm Shannon Palmer.
Hello, Shannon.
Uh, please, won't you be seated.
Uh, I'm Dr. Frasier Crane.
Uh... first of all, welcome.
Whether our... journey
together lasts for years
or... only just a day,
I can't tell you how
excited... I am...
to take this first
step with you.
Okay. Uh...
Geez, this is a little
hard to talk about.
Oh, well, just relax.
You know, many of my patients
find it easier to open
up if they're lying down.
Um... okay.
Well... I guess I have
problems with men.
No matter what they say,
all they really
seem to want is sex.
It's hard, because I want to
be loved for who I am, of course,
but if who I am is an
attractive woman...
What was that?
It-it must be the, uh...
the air-conditioning
or something.
Please, uh, continue.
It's to the point now...
I meet
a perfectly nice man,
and I don't trust him.
The machine'll get it.
This is Stephanie Walsh.
Remember? Milady?
Sorry about my sister.
You're not the first guy to
do something weird in bed.
Oh!
I'm so sor... Oh!
Oh, good Lord! No!
What the hell?!
I'm sorry! I-I'm sorry!
What is wrong with you?!
It's not my fault.
It's just a-a trick I
learned from my dad.
You certainly know
how to keep 'em moving.
Anyway, if you could sign
my timecard, I'll be going.
Although if you...
haven't hired anyone
permanent yet...
Well, Peggy,
I'm afraid I won't really be
needing anybody permanent.
Uh, I'm starting to think
this return to private practice
was a big mistake.
Everyone's first
day is a little rough.
Well, except mine. I didn't
even have to do any billing.
Nice meeting you.
Nice meeting you, too.
Dr. Crane? Yes?
Uh... I was your
3:00 that canceled.
I got cold feet.
I was hoping maybe
you could squeeze me in.
Oh, well, I was just
about to put this day
out of its misery, but,
uh, please come in.
Thanks.
Hello. I'm Brad Kincaid.
That's... not my real name.
I'll just get it off
your insurance form.
Why don't you have a seat, Brad.
First of all, welcome.
Whether this
journey... Well, forget it.
Uh...
What's troubling you?
Well, I just went
through a messy divorce,
and my kid's in another city.
I came here to
begin a new career...
but it's not happening for me,
and I'm thinking maybe
I made a big mistake.
You know, Brad,
sometimes things
take a little longer
to turn in our favor than
we think they should.
How long?
Well, that depends.
Tell me more. I'm listening.
Okay.
Well, I've been here
about six months now...
Daphne...
I am so sorry.
It's all right.
Well, not completely,
but I'm not as mad as I was.
I just don't understand
why you couldn't tell me
you were having
lunch with Maris.
I was going to, but you were
just so upset when she called.
I didn't know how you'd react.
I suppose I have been
a little bit difficult
lately, haven't I?
There's just no
good answer to that.
I'm too tired to talk
about this right now.
All I want is a nice cup
of tea and a warm bed.
Coming up. One last word.
I tell you, Maris will never
come between us again.
Under the baton
of Sir Adrian Adler.
And now, news headlines.
Police have just arrested
Seattle socialite Maris Crane
for the murder of her lover,
polo star Esteban di Rojo.
Di Rojo was killed this
evening at Mrs. Crane's estate...
Sunrise smells refreshing.
Ugh! It tastes like
a cup of cold sick.
It's hell to be pregnant.
I know.
No, you don't.
No, I don't.
And that's why I
got you this present.
"Belle Du Jour Day Spa"?
Yes, it's for this afternoon.
I think you need
a little pampering.
Oh, Niles!
I'm so lucky to have a husband
who's so tolerant of my...
Mood swings?
I would have come up with it.
I'm not stupid.
Hello, all. Hello. Hey.
What a glorious
morning it is, isn't it?
May I get my usual, please?
Well, well, nice to see
you're approaching your
first day of private practice
with such an upbeat attitude.
Yes, I'm like an eager schoolboy
on his first day of fractions.
So, how was the
Vanlandingham's party last night?
Weren't you lucky
to snare an invitation?
Yes. No.
No.
Well, I'd better get
over to your father's.
Call me later.
I will.
Thanks again for
my day of beauty.
I'm sorry I snapped at you.
Did you snap at me?
I didn't even notice.
That's because you don't listen.
Ah...
the mood swings.
Takes me back.
Thank you.
Well, anyway, in
honor of your first day,
I want to take you out to lunch.
There's a wonderful
Indian restaurant
right across the street
from our building.
Could we order in from them?
I'm booked except between
the hours of 11:45 and 12:30.
All right.
My, that's an
ambitious first day.
Yes, well, I want
to pack in all I can.
That's why I took the day
off from my radio snow.
Well, happy sailing
through the choppy waters
of the dysfunctional
and the disturbed.
"Optional eyebrow wax"?!
What is that supposed to mean?!
Same to you, skipper.
Dr. Crane? I'm Peggy.
I hope I'm not late.
Not at all. Won't you come in?
I'm Dr. Frasier Crane.
Please, be seated.
First of all, welcome.
Whether our journey
together lasts for years
or just one day,
I can't tell you
how excited I am
to take this first
step with you.
You know I'm just the temp?
Ah.
Well, I see my
first patient is here.
If you could just see her in.
Thank you.
Righty-o.
Go right in.
Hello, Dr. Crane.
I'm Jane Walsh.
Hello, Jane. Please
be seated, won't you?
I'm Dr. Frasier Crane.
First of all, welcome.
Whether our journey
together lasts for
years or just for one day,
I can't tell you
how excited I am
to take this first
step with you.
Have we met?
Ah, I am in the media.
So my face is recognizable.
But don't let that inhibit you.
Please, what's on your mind?
Okay, um...
sometimes I feel this, this kind
of sadness hanging over me.
I see.
And is this sadness
triggered by anything...?
Wait. Did you ever date a
woman named Stephanie Walsh?
Yes, a few years ago.
She's my sister.
Oh.
Yeah, I met you at a party once.
Oh, well, then I'm
glad we cleared that up.
All right, now, this
sadness of yours,
is it a general...
I'm sorry.
I was just
remembering something.
Uh, yeah, I'm sad all the time.
Ah. Yes, well,
you are now in a place
where you can feel
free to express yourself.
I'm sorry. I was just...
I was thinking about something
my sister told me about you.
Well, perhaps we
should discuss it.
Okay.
Um, you were in
bed with my sister,
and, uh, right in
the middle of things,
I guess you called her "Milady."
I see.
I'm sorry. No, no, please.
It's important
that you feel free
to express yourself to me.
Please, go on. All right.
It became this running joke
between me and my sister.
She called me "Milady,"
and I called her "Milady,"
and my mother started doing it,
and now my aunt has
a cat named "Milady."
This isn't going to work, is it?
No, I don't think so.
I am so sorry, again.
Oh, please, not at all.
It's just fine.
And best of luck conquering
that constant sadness.
If you're done, Dr. C,
your next patient is here.
Already?
Yeah, that's me.
I find it best to be no later
than a half hour early.
Saves a lot of anxiety.
First of all,
welcome.
Whether our journey
together lasts for years
or just one day,
I can't tell you
how excited I am
to take this first
step with you.
No, this won't work.
Thanks. Bye.
Oh! Hello.
Sir... Sir!
That's all right, Peggy.
Goodness, done with
your 10:00 already?
That was my 11:00.
Hello.
Calm down! Calm down!
What is it?
I was planning on
lunching with Frasier.
No, no, if it's that
urgent, I'll see you then.
Oh, dear.
What's got Daphne
all worked up now?
It wasn't Daphne.
It was Maris.
Maris?!
I haven't spoken
to her for months.
She said she needs to see me.
About what?
I don't know. She
was hysterical.
I haven't heard
her this panicked
since her strength gave out
halfway through
a revolving door.
Uh, I have to cancel lunch.
Can't you see her after lunch?
I have patients. Before, then.
I'm sorry. This
just won't work out.
You know, you could at
least give him a chance!
It's his first day!
Excuse me, I'm crazy,
and I need to see the doctor.
Hello, Dad.
I brought you
this for your office.
Thank you. Why
don't you have a seat?
What you doing there?
I'm just trying to
figure out this chair
from Stockholm Design.
Instruction booklet
alone would account
for the high
Swedish suicide rate.
Hey. Hey, Niles.
Niles, listen, how did
things go with Maris?
Maris?!
She invited me to
lunch at Le Toque.
She's gotten involved with
some Argentine polo player.
Turns out he's a cad
and a gold digger with
a violent temper to boot.
That's probably what
she put in her ad.
So, Niles, what
did you tell her?
I told her to leave him.
If he causes trouble,
get a restraining order.
She was very upset
by the whole thing.
Poor thing completely
lost her appetite.
Barely touched her snail.
I'm supposed to
be seeing Daphne.
She's going to love this.
Well, you're not going
to tell her, are you?
Well, I think I
have to, don't I?
You don't tell your pregnant
wife you had lunch with your ex.
Yes, I agree with Dad.
Normally, I'm a proponent
of telling the truth,
but as a man who's dealt
with a pregnant spouse,
I say lie until your
pants are on fire.
I see your point, of course,
but this isn't just a
little fib to cover up
some after-work shoe shopping.
This is a big lie.
I'm just not
comfortable with it.
Dr. Crane, I'm back from lunch.
Your next patient is here.
Thank you, Peggy.
Well, I'd love to stay
and chat, but duty calls.
If you want to wait,
he's usually very quick.
Thank you, Peggy.
Hello, Dr. Crane.
I'm Carol Dryden.
Hi, Carol. Please, come in.
Uh, won't you sit down?
Welcome.
Whether our journey
lasts for several years
or just for a day,
I want you to know
how excited I am
to take this first
step with you.
So, what's on your mind?
I guess I have trouble
asserting myself.
Uh-huh. How so?
Well, like last week,
I was supposed to have
dinner with some friends...
Please, why don't you go ahead?
Anyway, I didn't
really feel up to dinner,
but I'm the kind of
person that hates to dis...
appoint people,
and I was the designated
driver as usual...
Tell you what.
I'm just going to
get another chair.
And why don't you
keep talking, if you like.
I can still hear you.
So we go to dinner,
and my two friends
on either side of me
are talking over me
like I'm not even there.
And then when dinner arrived,
my meal didn't come,
and no one even noticed.
I guess after a while, that
kind of thing gets to you.
It's like people aren't
paying attention to me.
I can see how that would
be very frustrating for you.
And I'm a good person.
But sometimes I just
feel like the whole world
is shutting me out.
Oh, there you are.
I was just calling to see
if you were on your way.
I used to move faster
before I was carrying
your child around in me.
Well, why don't I get you
a soothing cup of herb tea
and then I'll tell you
about a very interesting
lunch I had today.
Hello.
Yes, he just stepped away.
Who's calling?
What do you want, Maris?
It most certainly
is my business.
He's my husband now.
You leave him alone.
That was Maris.
She has some nerve calling
after all she put us through.
How stupid does
she think you are
that you'd have anything
more to do with her?
Right.
Cheer me up.
Tell me about your
interesting lunch.
Who was it with?
Frasier.
You have lunch
with him all the time.
Wait a minute.
I spoke to him earlier.
He told me he was eating in.
And that's the interesting part,
because just then Dad showed up
and that clogged ear
of his was acting up,
so I took him to the doctor.
That's not interesting.
And your father told me he
was going to the dog track.
And that's where
it gets interesting
because after the doctor...
we had lunch at the dog track.
Let me just go
check on your tea.
Hey, Daph.
Hello, Martin.
How are your ears?
Huh?
How are your ears?!
Dad, Dad.
Here you go.
I was just... darling...
Telling Daphne
that I had lunch with
you at the dog track.
Right.
After the ear doctor.
Right.
And how about that
flat tire on the freeway?
Niles helped me change it.
All right, now I
know you're lying.
It all makes sense now.
First you get me out of
the house with that spa,
then this ridiculous story.
You're throwing me
a surprise baby shower
tonight, aren't you.
That's it. Yeah.
But promise you'll
look surprised
when you come
in through the door.
Oh, Niles, you are
the sweetest man alive!
Well, I should run.
The party's tonight
and I have one or two
finishing touches to tend to.
Come along, Dad.
Huh?
Come along.
Oh, you know, my
ear is really starting...
Get in the car!
Hey, Niles.
Not a bad party for
two hours' notice.
It's a disaster.
None of Daphne's
friends could make it.
I told the caterer I
wanted a maternity motif.
He thought I said
"fraternity," and now we have
three kegs of beer
and a six-foot hoagie.
Great spread, Niles.
Kenny Daly... Frasier's boss.
Roz invited me.
Sorry I didn't bring a present.
Actually, you did...
A baby blanket.
You'll find it in the
pile on the table.
Oh, great.
Oh, by the way,
your wife's a peach.
My wife isn't here yet.
Oh, no. Whose
stomach did I just rub?
Wow, Frasier, you're
really stuffing your pie hole.
Look, I've had a very tough day.
I'm entitled to a
little comfort food
before my evening appointment.
That was pretty.
I'll give you a tip, son.
Tough nights on the
force, I used to eat like that.
Trouble was, I'd be sitting
in the squad car all night,
pants digging in, stomach
making unholy noises.
There's only one
thing that helps:
loosen your belt and
pop the top button.
Thank you, Dad,
for schooling me
in the ancient ways.
Oh! Here she comes!
Oh! Oh! Come on.
Okay, okay.
Surprise!
My God, what a surprise!
I've never been so surprised!
Oh, thank you, Niles.
All these people who
mean so much to us.
Mom and Frasier and...
you.
Our doorman.
Doesn't he work with Frasier,
that man at the big sandwich?
Well, once word got
out, who was I to say no?
Here, Daphne.
I don't see many
of my friends yet.
Will Holly be coming?
Margaret or Tina?
Well, I had to make
the cutoff somewhere.
Excuse me, darling.
Would you come here.
Calm down, Niles. I can't.
I'm telling her another lie
every time I open my mouth!
Get a grip on yourself,
man! It's called marriage!
Dr. Crane? Yes?
I'm Esteban di Rojo.
I am the lover of
your ex-wife Maris.
Uh, you've made a mistake.
No, you have.
What did you do that for?
This ex-husband had
lunch with my Maris today.
He gave her fool's advice,
and she was a fool to follow it.
Are you all right?
Niles, did you have
lunch with Maris today?
Yes, I-I-I was
just about to tell...
So you weren't
planning my shower at all.
This whole party
was just a sham.
I'm so sorry. Not
as sorry as I am.
Daphne, Daphne, wait...
I don't want to hear it.
I've never been so
humiliated in my life.
Allow me.
Dr. Crane, your
appointment is here.
Is your eye okay?
It's kind of twitching.
Well, just a little
unfortunate accident.
Uh... please, send
her in. All right.
Hi. Hello.
I'm Shannon Palmer.
Hello, Shannon.
Uh, please, won't you be seated.
Uh, I'm Dr. Frasier Crane.
Uh... first of all, welcome.
Whether our... journey
together lasts for years
or... only just a day,
I can't tell you how
excited... I am...
to take this first
step with you.
Okay. Uh...
Geez, this is a little
hard to talk about.
Oh, well, just relax.
You know, many of my patients
find it easier to open
up if they're lying down.
Um... okay.
Well... I guess I have
problems with men.
No matter what they say,
all they really
seem to want is sex.
It's hard, because I want to
be loved for who I am, of course,
but if who I am is an
attractive woman...
What was that?
It-it must be the, uh...
the air-conditioning
or something.
Please, uh, continue.
It's to the point now...
I meet
a perfectly nice man,
and I don't trust him.
The machine'll get it.
This is Stephanie Walsh.
Remember? Milady?
Sorry about my sister.
You're not the first guy to
do something weird in bed.
Oh!
I'm so sor... Oh!
Oh, good Lord! No!
What the hell?!
I'm sorry! I-I'm sorry!
What is wrong with you?!
It's not my fault.
It's just a-a trick I
learned from my dad.
You certainly know
how to keep 'em moving.
Anyway, if you could sign
my timecard, I'll be going.
Although if you...
haven't hired anyone
permanent yet...
Well, Peggy,
I'm afraid I won't really be
needing anybody permanent.
Uh, I'm starting to think
this return to private practice
was a big mistake.
Everyone's first
day is a little rough.
Well, except mine. I didn't
even have to do any billing.
Nice meeting you.
Nice meeting you, too.
Dr. Crane? Yes?
Uh... I was your
3:00 that canceled.
I got cold feet.
I was hoping maybe
you could squeeze me in.
Oh, well, I was just
about to put this day
out of its misery, but,
uh, please come in.
Thanks.
Hello. I'm Brad Kincaid.
That's... not my real name.
I'll just get it off
your insurance form.
Why don't you have a seat, Brad.
First of all, welcome.
Whether this
journey... Well, forget it.
Uh...
What's troubling you?
Well, I just went
through a messy divorce,
and my kid's in another city.
I came here to
begin a new career...
but it's not happening for me,
and I'm thinking maybe
I made a big mistake.
You know, Brad,
sometimes things
take a little longer
to turn in our favor than
we think they should.
How long?
Well, that depends.
Tell me more. I'm listening.
Okay.
Well, I've been here
about six months now...
Daphne...
I am so sorry.
It's all right.
Well, not completely,
but I'm not as mad as I was.
I just don't understand
why you couldn't tell me
you were having
lunch with Maris.
I was going to, but you were
just so upset when she called.
I didn't know how you'd react.
I suppose I have been
a little bit difficult
lately, haven't I?
There's just no
good answer to that.
I'm too tired to talk
about this right now.
All I want is a nice cup
of tea and a warm bed.
Coming up. One last word.
I tell you, Maris will never
come between us again.
Under the baton
of Sir Adrian Adler.
And now, news headlines.
Police have just arrested
Seattle socialite Maris Crane
for the murder of her lover,
polo star Esteban di Rojo.
Di Rojo was killed this
evening at Mrs. Crane's estate...