Frasier (1993–2004): Season 11, Episode 6 - I'm Listening - full transcript

♪ Good morning ♪

♪ Good morning ♪

♪ I'd like a bagel, too ♪

♪ And schmear it
with cream cheese ♪

Excuse me.

♪ Thank you. ♪

Excuse me!

Did it occur to you

that some of us might
still be trying to sleep?

Oh, lighten up, Fras.

Ronee was just showing me



how she can change the lyrics

to any song to
suit the occasion.

Yes, very impressive.

Does she take requests?

Sure.

Stop it.

You know what you need, Grumpy?

A nice hot breakfast.

Marty, why don't you get
Grumpy here some breakfast?

I don't want any breakfast.

And please stop calling me that.

♪ Got me some ham and
some cakes on the griddle ♪

♪ Whoo! Good God,
he's a grumpy boy. ♪

You see what she just did?



Yes, it's mind-boggling.

Listen, Dad, do you mind

giving me a ride to work today?

My car is in the shop.

Again?

Yes, my seat
warmer's stuck on high.

So I tried to offset it by
blasting the air conditioner,

which resulted in sort of a
fog bank on my dashboard.

I can give you a ride, Fras.

It's just an old Caddy,

so there's nothing fancy like
butt warmers or seat belts.

Fine. Let me just make
sure my will is in order,

and I'll be back in a minute.

Well, I'm going
to take a shower.

Don't use all the hot water.

I know. Gotta leave
enough for milady's tub.

That's okay. I can
take a shower, too.

I wasn't talking about you.

Hello?

Oh, Richard, hi.

Listen, this really
isn't a good time.

I was just heading
into a yoga class.

Yeah. No. I would
love to have dinner.

That sounds fun.

Okay, I'll see
you then, sweetie.

You know, I got
two steps in my room

and realized I forgot my...

Ah, there it is.

♪ There it is ♪

♪ Frasier's coffee cup... ♪

You are a national treasure.

Niles, thank God you're here.

Listen, there's something
I need to discuss.

Wait, wait, wait.

I'm in the middle
of composing a plea

to Alfred Antin in the
meter of Dr. Seuss.

Who?

Theodor Geisel,
the children's author.

You know, "I do not
like green eggs and ham,

I do not like them, Sam I Am."

Yes, I know who
Dr. Seuss is, you ninny.

Who's the other guy?

Oh, oh. Alfred Antin.

He's Seattle's
premier scenic painter

specializing in
children's rooms.

His billowing clouds can be seen

scudding across the ceilings

of the finest nurseries in town,

but he's booked solid,

so I thought if I wrote this...

Oh, you've lost
interest, haven't you?

I was feigning
interest to begin with.

Niles, I need your
advice on something.

This morning I heard
Ronee on the phone

make a date with another man.

Are you sure?

Well, I'm positive

she was talking to a man,
yes, and in honeyed tones.

Mm.

Here's my predicament.

I don't want to meddle,

but I also don't want
to see Dad get hurt.

So how do you
suggest we tell him?

"We"? Yes, "we."

Don't drag me into this. I
don't know a thing about it.

You know as much as
I do. I just briefed you.

I didn't want to be briefed.

Then you should
have said something.

Now you're in as deep as I am.

You can't unscramble
an egg, Niles.

What are you talking about?!

Oh, boys, boys, boys.
I'm glad I caught you.

Did you see this?

"Doo-wop-alooza"?

Yeah, one night only.

All the greats of doo-wop:
The Coasters, The Platters,

and that guy from The Teenagers

is back from his
hip replacement.

Wow.

Yes.

Oh, I know you guys aren't
interested in modern music,

but Ronee would really love it.

I was hoping maybe you
could use your connections

to maybe score us
a couple of seats.

I'm afraid I'm not

that well-connected to
the doo-wop world, Dad.

If there's ever a Mahler-
palooza, I'm your man.

Dad, I'll ask around.

I'm off to try to win

the heart and mind of A. Antin.

I'll go and meet
him with my Daphne

and hope that things
don't go ker-phaphne.

Sorry again about this morning
me and Ronee waking you up.

We were just
having a little fun.

It's all right. It's great to
have a fling once in a while.

Hey, let me tell you something:

you don't go to
Doo-wop-alooza with a fling.

I see.

You got something
you want to say, son?

No.

Fine.

Well, all right,

if you insist on
dragging it out of me.

Something happened
this morning, Dad.

What?

Well, I was

walking down the hall
to retrieve my coffee

and Ronee was on the phone,

and I didn't want to
interrupt, so I waited.

And I heard her make a...

a date with another man.

So you eavesdropped, huh?

No.

A person's having a
private conversation,

you stop and listen...
That's eavesdropping.

Dad, it was
completely by accident.

I understand why you'd be upset,

but please don't
shoot the messenger.

Well, the messenger's
got it coming

if he's a dirty little
eavesdropper.

You walk into a
private conversation,

you make your presence
known by some subtle way.

You can clear your throat.

You can make a noise.

Dad, please!

You know, just
because people call in

for your precious pearls
of wisdom on the radio,

doesn't give you a free pass

to get into
everybody's business.

Now I know why you're
always saying, "I'm listening."

Because you always are.

Oh, well, I'm glad the two
of you found that so amusing,

but as you've just heard,

it is rude to listen in on
other people's conversations.

Oh, Niles, come
on in. Hey, Frasier.

Hi. I'm just here to drop off

these Doo-wop-alooza
tickets for Dad.

Oh, well, that's good luck.
How did you manage it?

Well, actually,

Alfred Antin and his
wife are big doo-wop fans,

and the, uh, the couple

that was going
with them canceled,

so-so they let...

they let me have the tickets.

What are we looking for?

Well, my money clip.
Have you seen it?

Rarely.

I've misplaced it,

and it's-it's
distracting me no end.

Well, anyway, Dad was thrilled

when I told him I
found the tickets.

Oh, well, I'm glad to hear that.

He was just a bit vexed

when he left me
earlier this morning.

Over what?

Frasier,

you told him about Ronee's date.

As we agreed.

"We"?

Yes, "we."

There's no "we." There's
never been a "we."

Oh, give it up, Niles.

There's blood on both our hands.

Oh, gosh, I better
go eat something.

I've got my reading
in 20 minutes.

Reading? Yes.

Yes. I'm, uh, reciting
"Annabelle Lee"

for the Poe Society
this evening.

I-I don't mind telling
you, I'm just a bit nervous.

Oh, don't worry.

Po' folk don't 'spect much.

I had to say that.

Well, I'm off.

Yes.

It's this amazing doo-wop show.

All the greats, one
night only, this Sunday.

Sunday? I...

God, I'm sorry.
I-I... I made plans.

Oh, plans, huh?

Uh... what kind of plans?

Look, Marty, I like you
too much to lie to you. I...

I have a date.

Oh, oh.

Well, that's no problem. Yeah.

Uh, you want a drink?

Oh, no, I better not.
I'm working. Just a beer.

You're not upset, are you?

I mean, you know,
we never really talked

about not seeing other people.

Oh, no, that's fine. No, no.

I'm seeing other people, too.

Maybe I'll ask, uh...

Sheila.

Yeah. She'll be
all over this one.

So, uh...

how about another night?

Yeah, sure. How's...
What about Tuesday?

Great. Great.

Great. Great.

Wow, I had no
idea it was this late.

So I'll call you about Tuesday.

Great.

Frasier, what are you doing?

I didn't know you two were home.

Uh...

I was just, uh,
cleaning the oven.

I must have dozed off.

Cool.

Well, got to run.
Good night, you two.

Yeah. See ya.

You have a disease!

Please.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Let me explain, all right?

There's nothing to explain.

I told you not to eavesdrop,
and you did it again.

You are a very sick person.

I tried to announce myself,

but I had a mouth full of apple,

rendering me speechless.

Oh. I was a cop. You think I
haven't heard that one before?

You're just angry

because I heard
you lying to Ronee.

You really expect
to win Ronee's heart

by inventing
fictitious girlfriends?

Sheila indeed.

Well, that's none
of your business,

and you weren't
supposed to hear it.

Well, I did hear it.

No, you overheard it.

It's like an illegal
wiretap. It's inadmissible.

Dad, you cannot build
a relationship on lies.

Inadmissible. Dad...

Inadmissible!

Oh, fine.

Why can't your father

just go to the
concert by himself?

Because Alfred
Antin will be offended

if we don't use his tickets

and then he won't
paint our nursery.

Don't you want to be
the one to go with him?

Forget it, Niles.

We flipped a coin and you
were the doo-wop-a-loser.

Hey, Niles.

Ready to bop-bop-she-bop?

Oh, dear God. Is it a dance?

Am I going to have
to move about?

No, you don't have to,
but you're going to want to.

Daphne?

I'm pregnant.

What does that
have to do with it?

It's my blanket excuse
until the baby is born.

After that it'll be, "I
can't leave the baby."

Get used to it.

Oh, Marty, hi.

Ronee, hey.

Oh, this is Richard.

Martin, Daphne, Niles.

Hello, Richard. Hi.

Hello.

So how do you all
know each other?

Well, uh...

Ronee was my baby-sitter.

I was a little monster.

And you?

Um...

Sheila! Where have you been?

This is my date, Sheila.

Got stuck at work, huh?

Uh, yeah?

Yeah.

Sheila's a model.

She does all those
big auto and RV shows.

Point to something.

Wow, impressive.
Nice meeting you.

Let's get ours to go.

But I thought...

Roll with the punches, Dick.

What are you doing?

I'm trying to make her jealous.

Just go with it.

But I'm meeting
my own date here.

Dad, the concert
starts in 15 minutes,

and Alfred Antin will be
very angry if we're late.

Well, I can't leave unless
Sheila comes with me.

Hello? Sheila has a date.

Here are the tickets.
You and I are going.

Oh, do we have to?

Yes.

Do we really need
clouds on the ceiling?

Couldn't we just push the
crib closer to the window?

Why even use a crib?

Let's just put it
in a pizza box.

Stop it.

Oh, you! Work with me here.

Okay, okay.

Roz?

Larry. Hi.

This is my dad.

How you doing?

Hello.

You brought your
dad on our date?

Oh, of course not.

He was just leaving.
Aren't you, Dad?

Yeah, but not until
I finish my coffee.

You don't have any coffee.

Get me one, would you, Larry?

Dad, what are you doing here?

Hi, Roz. Hello.

Hi.

Is your brother joining us, too?

He's not my brother.

Oh, now, that's no way to be.

Still waiting on
that coffee, Lar.

Okay, what the hell is going on?

Nothing.

Hi, Frasier.

Hi, Ronee.

Nice to see you, Marty.

Sheila.

Take care. Bye.

So you've been pressed
into service as Sheila, hmm?

Pressed is right. He
nearly bit my lip off.

Here you go, Mr. Doyle.

Ah, thanks.

Come on, Larry. We're leaving.

It's nice meeting
you, Mr. Doyle.

And you can owe
me on that coffee.

It was $3.75 and I flipped
a quarter in the tip jar.

I'll be home early, Dad.

Dad, when are you going
to stop playing games

and tell her how you feel?

It's too soon.

We've only been seeing
each other a few weeks.

I don't want to scare her off.

How do you know you're
going to scare her off?

Well, look at her, Fras.

She's young. She's got
all these guys after her.

I'm lucky she even gave
me a second glance.

I don't want to
blow it by looking

like some desperate
old guy with no options.

It's not desperate

to tell somebody how
you feel about them.

What if she doesn't
feel the same way?

What if she does and
you never find out?

Dad...

just give her a call

and tell her you
want to talk to her.

Was that a "leave
me alone" grunt,

or a "you've bested
me again, son,

with your unassailable
logic" grunt?

I thought so.

Hey, Dad.

What you watching?

Sports wrap-up.

Sports wrap-up.

That sounds like fun. Oof.

Oh, gosh, that's not
very sportsmanlike.

I called her, okay.

Not that it's any
of your business.

So...?

I left a message.

I'm glad she wasn't there.

I don't know what I'll
say if she calls back.

Well, you did the
right thing, Dad.

I am proud of you.

I don't know.

The whole thing's
making me nervous.

You know, I know why
she's not calling me back.

She doesn't know how to tell me

she's dropping me for Richard.

Well, who said anything
about dropping you?

No one, apparently, or
you would've overheard it.

Oh, hi, Ronee.

Hi, Frasier.

Ronee, I didn't expect
to see you tonight.

Well, I got your message
and I was in the neighborhood.

So, what's up?

Oh, uh...

I was just heading out.

What, at this hour?

I never thought you
were such a night owl.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I love clubbin'.

I-I thought you'd just call.

Well, you know, I was
going to, but it sounded like

maybe we needed
to talk face-to-face.

Yeah.

Marty, is this about that woman

I saw you with tonight?

Well... kind of.

Yeah, I thought so.

Look, whatever it is,

why don't you just
come out and say it.

Yeah, all right.

Well, um... I'm not
the kind of guy who...

Hey, you want a beer?

Oh, boy, do I need one?

No, I think we
could both use one.

Would you get that?

Frasier probably forgot his key.

Yeah, sure.

Oh, Sheila.

I kind of thought
your date was over.

Well... maybe it is...

and maybe it isn't.

Gotcha.

Uh, just tell Marty,
message received.

Okay.

Hey, Roz, what
are you doing here?

I found Frasier's
money clip. Is he home?

No, uh-uh.

Where's Ronee?

Oh, don't worry.

Sheila showed Ronee the door.

What?!

What the hell did
you do that for?!

Hey, I have no control
over what Sheila does.

Oh, good, Niles, you're
back. How was the concert?

Well, you're the one who
wanted that cloud mural.

I'm sure Pope Julius had to
jump through similar hoops

to get Michelangelo
to paint his ceiling.

Dear God, I think
I just realized

where I must've
dropped my money clip.

Ronee's car.

She gave me a ride
in it the day I lost it.

Well, that's
irresponsible of her.

She just left it open.

Excuse me.

Oh, yes, of course.

There we are.

Thank you.

Anyway, I thought I'd swing by

and take us both
out for a nightcap.

All right, great.

By the way, Niles, I,
uh, I spoke with Dad

and he has taken our advice
about talking things over..

Mine and yours, that's
what I mean by "our."

Oh, take some responsibility
for once in your life, man.

You could've at least warned
me that Sheila was on her way up.

Ronee, it's all a
misunderstanding.

Marty, I really
don't want to hear it.

Well, you're going to hear
it 'cause I'm not leaving.

Fine, just get in the
car if you want to.

We're going to sit right
here until you hear it all.

Okay, go ahead.

But you better make it good

because I have a
finely tuned crap-ometer.

There is no Sheila.
Her name's Roz.

She's Frasier's secretary.

I just pretended
we were together.

Forget it, Marty.

I know how this
sounds, but it's true.

Why would you do that?

Because I'd gotten these
concert tickets to impress you.

And then when you said
you had a date, I got...

well, I got jealous, so I
said I was getting a date, too.

And then there you
were in Nervosa,

and when Roz came
in, I made her Sheila.

Do you believe me?

You know, it's
actually a little hot.

Really?

Look, Ronee, uh,
maybe I'm old-fashioned,

but I know when
something feels right.

I don't want to
see anybody else.

I want to be exclusive.

Go steady, whatever
they call it now.

Well, that's my story.

What about you?

Well...

God, it's freezing in here.

I had a blanket.

Okay.

Since we're being honest, uh,

well, I-I've done
my share of dating,

and I haven't always
made the best choices.

I've dated the bad guys,
the guys who can't commit,

the guys who won't grow up,

the creeps with the nice
suit, the pathological liars...

Okay, I got it.

Anyway, and then I started
dating this really good guy...

You...

and I guess I-I just wanted

to keep my options
open with Richard

because I wasn't sure
how you felt about me.

But now I am.

Now would be the time

to put your class ring on
a chain around my neck.

I got one upstairs.

You want to come get it?

Wait, wait.

I've got a better idea.

I know this secluded beach
that's miles away from anything.

You want to go there and
steam up the windows?

Oh, yeah.