Frasier (1993–2004): Season 11, Episode 16 - Boo! - full transcript
Frasier is becoming fed up with his father playing tricks on him, and mocking the effeminate scream that his pranks provoke. It happens that Frasier is treating a patient who has the rare condition of coulrophobia - fear of clowns. Part of the treatment he has planned is to dress up as a clown, so he has a very comprehensive costume. In a bid for vengeance on his father, Frasier disguises himself as a clown, which Martin hates. After Frasier jumps out at him wearing the outfit, Martin has a heart attack and is hospitalized. This spurs Martin to propose to Ronee while recovering.
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Boo!
That is not funny!
You don't sneak up on
someone and startle them.
First of all, it's very funny,
and secondly, I only
did it to prove a point.
And you called it... He
does scream like a woman.
I do not scream like a woman.
It was a manly, throaty wail.
Frasier, you may
want to call security.
As I got off the elevator,
I heard a woman
screaming hysterically.
That was me.
I was innocently
conducting some Brahms
when our madcap father
decided to startle me.
Oh, quit whining. I used to
scare you kids all the time
when we went camping...
You used to love it.
Remember the
story about the couple
making out in the
car who got slashed
by the killer with the
hook? Yes, I remember
I couldn't kiss a woman
in a car until I was 30.
Yeah, well, your father
doesn't have that problem...
Mr. Reclining Bucket Seats.
You want me to scream again?
Dad, when'd you
get the new cane?
Oh, Ronee got it for me.
Yeah, he's too young
for that old man cane.
This is much more his style.
Give me a top hat,
and I'm Fred Astaire.
Add a monocle, and
you're Mr. Peanut.
Hey, Frasier. Coulrophobia?
I have a patient who
suffers from it. What is it?
It's a very rare disorder,
a crippling fear of clowns.
Yes, I'm treating a pediatric
nurse who is terrified
every time one comes to
visit the children at her hospital.
It's almost cost her her job.
Poor thing. We're
making great progress.
Through some rather
groundbreaking techniques
I've devised, I think
we're close to a cure.
Really? Yes.
I wouldn't be surprised if
this may turn out to be my...
clowning achievement.
That sounded better
in your head, didn't it?
Vastly.
Well, I don't blame
her for hating clowns.
They're weird and creepy.
That was one of the reasons
I never took you
kids to the circus.
Which I always resented.
You know how much I
wanted to be a trapeze artist.
I even decorated a unitard
in the style of the
Flying Wallendas
to wear when we
visited the big top.
That was the other reason.
Well, I'll go check on dinner.
I'm gonna have to make
this an early evening.
I'm leaving in the
morning to visit my mother.
She moved last year to Spokane.
I remember your mom.
She used to chaperone
our dances, right? Oh, yeah.
She also taught Sunday
school and led the church choir.
Must've been a very windy day
when the apple
fell from that tree.
You're doing fine, Mimi.
There's nothing to be afraid of.
Right. Just a tiny,
inanimate piece of plastic...
It couldn't possibly hurt you.
I know.
You're doing great.
I feel good.
Much better.
Really? Yes, yes.
You're still in the room;
you didn't throw up.
That's a big improvement.
All right, now...
give me your hand.
Here's the tiny little hat.
Tiny little hat, right.
And the big red nose.
A big red nose.
Now, Mimi,
is there anything
you'd like to say
to our little clown friend?
Please don't kill me!
No!
No, Mimi.
Oh, I-I mean, uh...
you're my friend,
and I like you.
Excellent, Mimi.
All right, then.
Now, tomorrow
we will take our
biggest step yet.
No, I really don't think...
No, no, I... You are ready.
You are.
In the safety of
this environment,
you'll watch me transform myself
into a real live clown.
I will apply the makeup...
and then I'll put
on the clown suit
and the big funny shoes,
and time permitting,
I will make animal balloons.
And you really
think that'll work?
As long as you don't ask for
anything too
complicated, like a giraffe.
Well, our time is up.
Um... all right, then, Mimi,
I will see you tomorrow,
and rest assured,
I will talk you
through every step of the way.
There's nothing to be afraid of.
There will be no surprises.
I'm so... so sorry!
Here. There he
goes. All right, now.
I will see you
later, then. All right.
Again, I'm so sorry...
Little fellow really is
full of mischief, isn't he?
You mean you're
not controlling it?!
Yes. Yes, of course I am.
Anyway, I will, uh,
see you tomorrow.
Yeah. Double session.
Boo!
What is the matter with you?
You keep standing in empty
rooms with your back to the door.
I'm only human.
Oh, I wish Ronee
could've seen that one.
I'm glad that your little
girlfriend is making you
feel young again,
but you're acting
like an irresponsible
adolescent.
Irresponsible adolescent.
Mimicking me now.
Mimicking me now.
Stop it. Did you specifically
come down here to torture me?
No. I'm picking up
Niles for a movie,
but he's still got
someone in his office.
Yes, as do I, unfortunately.
Now, off you go.
Oh... when did you
forget how to have fun?
You've turned into
such a fuddy-duddy.
Well, forgive me
if I prefer humor of a
more elevated level.
I tell you,
I might actually enjoy one
of your little japes one day
if you could come
up with something
with a bit more wit
and sophistication.
Hello?
Yes, well, I'm
afraid my calendar's
rather booked right now.
Well, all right.
I suppose I could try to
squeeze you in somewhere.
Uh... yes, uh, and
your last name, please?
Rection. That's unusual.
And your first name?
That's not funny, either, Dad.
Oh, hello, Roz. Hi.
Oh, thanks for bringing
that over. No problem.
I'm warning you, though,
that clown makeup
is a bitch to get off.
I wore it for Alice's
birthday party,
and for a whole week afterwards,
I looked like a Kabuki hooker.
Oh, yes, that was around
the time of the Seabee
Awards ceremony.
I remember, you looked rather
comically made-up that night.
I'd gotten it off by then.
Yoo-hoo, Frasier.
Don't be afraid. I'm
coming in the door.
Very funny, Dad.
Roz, do you think it's funny
when someone
sneaks up behind you
and jolts you out of your skin?
Let me guess...
Somebody screamed like a woman.
Yes, all right. Good
night, Roz. Bye.
I thought you were
having dinner with Niles.
He canceled.
Something else came up.
I'm just gonna watch the
game in my room. All right.
But don't worry. If I
come out for a beer,
I'll call ahead.
Wouldn't want you to think
there was an
intruder in the house.
It's about ten years
too late for that.
Dad, I'm going to
go out for a while!
See you later!
All right, see you!
Oh, you were right,
Dad. That's hilarious!
Not such a
fuddy-duddy now, am I?
That's quite a comeback, Dad.
A heart attack. Come on, get up.
Dad.
Dad, you can get up now.
Dad!
Frasier.
Niles...
How's Dad?
Well, he's resting, he's
stable, his color is good.
Can I see him?
They're running some tests.
The doctor should be out.
How did this happen?
Well, there's so many
factors in a case like this, Niles.
It's impossible to pinpoint
any one cause in particular.
Why are you dressed like that?
Hmm?
Well, uh...
Oh, all right.
You remember my patient
with the clown phobia?
Oh, yes, of course. I'm sorry.
Oh, Niles.
I feel just terrible about this.
Frasier, you feel terrible...
I was supposed to have
dinner with him tonight
and I canceled on him.
I would have been
there when it happened,
but no, I had to try out
those new bath emollients.
There's no point in
trying to assign blame
at a time like this, Niles.
We must remember that.
You probably saved his life.
Our father had a heart attack.
This man saved his life.
Well, I'm sure you would
have done the same thing
if you were in my shoes, Niles.
Well, not these
shoes, of course.
Hey.
Oh, Roz, hi.
Here are your clothes.
Thank you. How's your dad?
He's fine now, thanks to
Frasier's grace under pressure.
You know, they say
the first few
minutes are critical.
Did you give him an aspirin?
Uh... yes, I did.
He's been taking care
of his dad for ten years.
God bless him. What a good son.
Uh, excuse me, Dr. Crane.
I have to verify the
paramedics' report.
Around 7:00 this evening
you pretended to
leave your apartment...
Yes, that's right.
It's all there.
Off you go.
Then you dressed up like a clown
and lured your father
into the living room
where you leapt out
waving a meat cleaver
causing him to collapse.
You scared him on purpose?
It was a joke.
You know how much
he hates clowns.
My father hates clowns.
Yes, well, it was only
meant as a playful little jolt.
Why didn't you just
throw a toaster in his tub?
Dr. Crane.
Oh, yes.
Your father's doing well.
He appears to have
suffered a mild cardiac event.
And what does that mean exactly?
Basically, it's a warning.
He'll need to change
his diet, start exercising.
Anyway, he should be
able to go home tomorrow.
What relief. He's
going to be okay.
No thanks to you.
Look at you.
You just stand there
with a smile on your face.
That's makeup, you idiot.
May I remind you all
that this was an accident.
It was meant as a
harmless amusement.
I will not stand here and
be demonized for this.
I am not a monster!
Okay, Dad, just take it easy.
I'm fine.
Hey, there's my guy.
Daddy's home from
the little vacation
your brother Frasier sent me on.
All right, Dad.
Daphne's on her
way over to join us
for a nice heart-smart dinner.
Oh, and, Dad, you
really should take a look
at this list the hospital
sent home with us.
Now, the foods that
have a little picture
of a smiling heart next
to them are good for you.
Yeah, I cracked
that code already.
Frasier, I wish you'd
stop coddling me.
I know you're sorry
and you didn't mean to
give me a heart attack.
Not a heart attack, Dad.
A cardiac event.
You know, maybe we
can look on this as a sign
that you should begin
a healthier lifestyle.
Perhaps one day
we'll look back on this
and you'll thank me for it.
Oh, yes.
Maybe then you can
find a nice card for Frasier
like, "Now that I'm
old and looking back,
I thank you for
my heart attack."
Cardiac event.
Here. Give me this, will you.
No, Dad, here, I'll take
this in your room for you.
Why don't you just
go sit down and rest.
Were you able to reach
Ronee at her mom's? No.
Well, here, you can try now.
No, because I'm not telling her.
What?
She doesn't need to
know every little thing
that goes on in my life.
Dad, you had a heart attack.
Cardiac event.
And it's over.
- Dad...
- It's over.
Dad, are you afraid
she'll start seeing
you differently?
Well, you see me differently.
"Let me have that
suitcase, Dad."
"Just sit down and rest."
I don't need her thinking of
me as some feeble old guy.
Do you really want to keep such
an enormous secret from her?
Well, not forever.
You and Niles can
tell her after I'm dead.
Oh, that'll be Daphne.
She's not cooking, is she?
I just got out of the hospital.
Ronee.
Surprise, boys.
And start pouring.
How you doing, sweetie?
Hey. Thought you
were at your mother's.
Oh, you know, I cut it short.
It was just too depressing.
Every since her operation,
she just sits around all day
like she's a hundred.
Nice flowers.
"Get well soon"?
Oh, I got those for Frasier.
He has a little...
man problem.
Flares up every once in a while.
Frasier has a man problem.
Shut up, you nit.
Hey, thank God
for antibiotics, huh?
I'll be right back, and
then you want to go out
and get some ribs?
Ribs sounds great.
Well, I'm not telling her.
You heard what she
said about her mother.
Dad, you're not going to
be able to keep this from her.
Watch me.
And how are you
going to explain the fact
that you can't eat ribs tonight
or the new medication
that you're on
or the fact that
you can't have sex
for the next two weeks?
Who says? It's on the list.
What little picture
is next to that one?
Dad...
Listen, if she's not able to
handle something like this,
isn't it better if you know now?
Okay, Marty, let's go pig out.
Niles, help me put
this stuff away, will you?
Good seeing you again, Ronee.
Yeah, you, too, and I'm
glad you're feeling better.
Sorry?
You know, your man problem.
Ha!
Keep laughing, you're
going to have a man problem.
You know, I'm not
that hungry right now.
Do you mind if we
just sit for awhile?
No, no, it's fine.
You want me to
go get you a beer?
No, thanks.
So, uh...
did you have good weather
over there in Spokane?
Oh, God, it rained
the entire time.
I basically just sat there
and made boring small
talk with my mother.
God, I hate small talk.
Oh, tell me.
Rained here some, too.
I don't know.
I just hope it
doesn't scare her off.
Maybe she'll surprise us.
Does Ronee ever
spend the night here?
Yeah, on occasion.
Oh, good. 'Cause there's
some underwear in this drawer
I was really hoping
didn't belong to Dad.
Oh, look at this.
Dad was right... we're
camping and we're having fun.
Look how happy we are.
No, the car's
packed. We're leaving.
God, what pains we were.
Didn't want to get
our hands dirty,
didn't want to go fishing,
didn't want to
sleep on the ground,
but he kept taking us...
year after year just so he
could spend time with us.
And frighten us to death
with stories of
hook-armed slashers.
You know, no matter
how frightened I got,
as soon as Dad
started laughing again,
I knew that everything was safe.
I'm not ready to
lose him, Niles.
Me neither.
And I don't want my
child to miss knowing him.
Who else is going to teach
him how to catch a football ball?
You know, 11 years ago
when he moved in here,
I couldn't imagine a
bigger infringement
on my life.
Now... I can't imagine
my life without him.
It would be very hard to
walk into this apartment
and see that chair...
and know that Dad
wasn't here anymore.
Oh, I'd get rid of that
chair immediately.
So you made it from
Spokane on one tank? Wow.
Yeah, that was really
one for the books.
Okay, Marty, what's going on?
What?
Well, I feel like you have
something on your mind
that you're not telling me.
No, I don't.
It's just...
Boy, this is hard.
I'm just nervous about
what you're going to say.
Marty, just...
Yesterday I had a mild,
very mild cardiac event.
A what?
I had a little heart attack.
And that's it?
What do you mean, that's it?
I had a heart attack,
for God's sake!
No surgery, home the next day.
That's a bee sting.
Did they use the paddles? No.
Well, talk to me after
they've used the paddles.
You had the paddles?
Let's just say I didn't
have the best lipo guy.
Well, I'm sorry if it's not
dramatic enough for you.
Look, after all that buildup
I just thought it would be
something bigger, you know,
like you were going
to break up with me
or pop the question
or something.
And FYI, the next time
you're in the hospital,
I would appreciate a phone
call, if it's not too much trouble.
Fine. And FYI, I'm not
breaking up with you.
Well, I know that now.
And if I was going
to do that other thing,
it wouldn't be here.
What other thing?
Pop the question.
Oh.
It'd be someplace
romantic, for God's sake.
Tablecloths.
Nice.
Damn right it'd be nice.
So?
So what?
So what would you have said?
How should I know?
You didn't ask me.
So say I am now.
What? Asking you.
Well, are you or aren't you?
I am.
Okay then.
Okay.
Okay, what?
Okay, I will.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
Maybe Dad's right.
I'm getting stuck in my ways.
I like the way things are. I
don't want them to change.
Well, don't worry.
He's not going
anywhere for awhile.
Hey, guys, guess what.
I'm getting married!
Well, come on, boys.
Give your old mom a kiss.
and PARAMOUNT TELEVISION
Boo!
That is not funny!
You don't sneak up on
someone and startle them.
First of all, it's very funny,
and secondly, I only
did it to prove a point.
And you called it... He
does scream like a woman.
I do not scream like a woman.
It was a manly, throaty wail.
Frasier, you may
want to call security.
As I got off the elevator,
I heard a woman
screaming hysterically.
That was me.
I was innocently
conducting some Brahms
when our madcap father
decided to startle me.
Oh, quit whining. I used to
scare you kids all the time
when we went camping...
You used to love it.
Remember the
story about the couple
making out in the
car who got slashed
by the killer with the
hook? Yes, I remember
I couldn't kiss a woman
in a car until I was 30.
Yeah, well, your father
doesn't have that problem...
Mr. Reclining Bucket Seats.
You want me to scream again?
Dad, when'd you
get the new cane?
Oh, Ronee got it for me.
Yeah, he's too young
for that old man cane.
This is much more his style.
Give me a top hat,
and I'm Fred Astaire.
Add a monocle, and
you're Mr. Peanut.
Hey, Frasier. Coulrophobia?
I have a patient who
suffers from it. What is it?
It's a very rare disorder,
a crippling fear of clowns.
Yes, I'm treating a pediatric
nurse who is terrified
every time one comes to
visit the children at her hospital.
It's almost cost her her job.
Poor thing. We're
making great progress.
Through some rather
groundbreaking techniques
I've devised, I think
we're close to a cure.
Really? Yes.
I wouldn't be surprised if
this may turn out to be my...
clowning achievement.
That sounded better
in your head, didn't it?
Vastly.
Well, I don't blame
her for hating clowns.
They're weird and creepy.
That was one of the reasons
I never took you
kids to the circus.
Which I always resented.
You know how much I
wanted to be a trapeze artist.
I even decorated a unitard
in the style of the
Flying Wallendas
to wear when we
visited the big top.
That was the other reason.
Well, I'll go check on dinner.
I'm gonna have to make
this an early evening.
I'm leaving in the
morning to visit my mother.
She moved last year to Spokane.
I remember your mom.
She used to chaperone
our dances, right? Oh, yeah.
She also taught Sunday
school and led the church choir.
Must've been a very windy day
when the apple
fell from that tree.
You're doing fine, Mimi.
There's nothing to be afraid of.
Right. Just a tiny,
inanimate piece of plastic...
It couldn't possibly hurt you.
I know.
You're doing great.
I feel good.
Much better.
Really? Yes, yes.
You're still in the room;
you didn't throw up.
That's a big improvement.
All right, now...
give me your hand.
Here's the tiny little hat.
Tiny little hat, right.
And the big red nose.
A big red nose.
Now, Mimi,
is there anything
you'd like to say
to our little clown friend?
Please don't kill me!
No!
No, Mimi.
Oh, I-I mean, uh...
you're my friend,
and I like you.
Excellent, Mimi.
All right, then.
Now, tomorrow
we will take our
biggest step yet.
No, I really don't think...
No, no, I... You are ready.
You are.
In the safety of
this environment,
you'll watch me transform myself
into a real live clown.
I will apply the makeup...
and then I'll put
on the clown suit
and the big funny shoes,
and time permitting,
I will make animal balloons.
And you really
think that'll work?
As long as you don't ask for
anything too
complicated, like a giraffe.
Well, our time is up.
Um... all right, then, Mimi,
I will see you tomorrow,
and rest assured,
I will talk you
through every step of the way.
There's nothing to be afraid of.
There will be no surprises.
I'm so... so sorry!
Here. There he
goes. All right, now.
I will see you
later, then. All right.
Again, I'm so sorry...
Little fellow really is
full of mischief, isn't he?
You mean you're
not controlling it?!
Yes. Yes, of course I am.
Anyway, I will, uh,
see you tomorrow.
Yeah. Double session.
Boo!
What is the matter with you?
You keep standing in empty
rooms with your back to the door.
I'm only human.
Oh, I wish Ronee
could've seen that one.
I'm glad that your little
girlfriend is making you
feel young again,
but you're acting
like an irresponsible
adolescent.
Irresponsible adolescent.
Mimicking me now.
Mimicking me now.
Stop it. Did you specifically
come down here to torture me?
No. I'm picking up
Niles for a movie,
but he's still got
someone in his office.
Yes, as do I, unfortunately.
Now, off you go.
Oh... when did you
forget how to have fun?
You've turned into
such a fuddy-duddy.
Well, forgive me
if I prefer humor of a
more elevated level.
I tell you,
I might actually enjoy one
of your little japes one day
if you could come
up with something
with a bit more wit
and sophistication.
Hello?
Yes, well, I'm
afraid my calendar's
rather booked right now.
Well, all right.
I suppose I could try to
squeeze you in somewhere.
Uh... yes, uh, and
your last name, please?
Rection. That's unusual.
And your first name?
That's not funny, either, Dad.
Oh, hello, Roz. Hi.
Oh, thanks for bringing
that over. No problem.
I'm warning you, though,
that clown makeup
is a bitch to get off.
I wore it for Alice's
birthday party,
and for a whole week afterwards,
I looked like a Kabuki hooker.
Oh, yes, that was around
the time of the Seabee
Awards ceremony.
I remember, you looked rather
comically made-up that night.
I'd gotten it off by then.
Yoo-hoo, Frasier.
Don't be afraid. I'm
coming in the door.
Very funny, Dad.
Roz, do you think it's funny
when someone
sneaks up behind you
and jolts you out of your skin?
Let me guess...
Somebody screamed like a woman.
Yes, all right. Good
night, Roz. Bye.
I thought you were
having dinner with Niles.
He canceled.
Something else came up.
I'm just gonna watch the
game in my room. All right.
But don't worry. If I
come out for a beer,
I'll call ahead.
Wouldn't want you to think
there was an
intruder in the house.
It's about ten years
too late for that.
Dad, I'm going to
go out for a while!
See you later!
All right, see you!
Oh, you were right,
Dad. That's hilarious!
Not such a
fuddy-duddy now, am I?
That's quite a comeback, Dad.
A heart attack. Come on, get up.
Dad.
Dad, you can get up now.
Dad!
Frasier.
Niles...
How's Dad?
Well, he's resting, he's
stable, his color is good.
Can I see him?
They're running some tests.
The doctor should be out.
How did this happen?
Well, there's so many
factors in a case like this, Niles.
It's impossible to pinpoint
any one cause in particular.
Why are you dressed like that?
Hmm?
Well, uh...
Oh, all right.
You remember my patient
with the clown phobia?
Oh, yes, of course. I'm sorry.
Oh, Niles.
I feel just terrible about this.
Frasier, you feel terrible...
I was supposed to have
dinner with him tonight
and I canceled on him.
I would have been
there when it happened,
but no, I had to try out
those new bath emollients.
There's no point in
trying to assign blame
at a time like this, Niles.
We must remember that.
You probably saved his life.
Our father had a heart attack.
This man saved his life.
Well, I'm sure you would
have done the same thing
if you were in my shoes, Niles.
Well, not these
shoes, of course.
Hey.
Oh, Roz, hi.
Here are your clothes.
Thank you. How's your dad?
He's fine now, thanks to
Frasier's grace under pressure.
You know, they say
the first few
minutes are critical.
Did you give him an aspirin?
Uh... yes, I did.
He's been taking care
of his dad for ten years.
God bless him. What a good son.
Uh, excuse me, Dr. Crane.
I have to verify the
paramedics' report.
Around 7:00 this evening
you pretended to
leave your apartment...
Yes, that's right.
It's all there.
Off you go.
Then you dressed up like a clown
and lured your father
into the living room
where you leapt out
waving a meat cleaver
causing him to collapse.
You scared him on purpose?
It was a joke.
You know how much
he hates clowns.
My father hates clowns.
Yes, well, it was only
meant as a playful little jolt.
Why didn't you just
throw a toaster in his tub?
Dr. Crane.
Oh, yes.
Your father's doing well.
He appears to have
suffered a mild cardiac event.
And what does that mean exactly?
Basically, it's a warning.
He'll need to change
his diet, start exercising.
Anyway, he should be
able to go home tomorrow.
What relief. He's
going to be okay.
No thanks to you.
Look at you.
You just stand there
with a smile on your face.
That's makeup, you idiot.
May I remind you all
that this was an accident.
It was meant as a
harmless amusement.
I will not stand here and
be demonized for this.
I am not a monster!
Okay, Dad, just take it easy.
I'm fine.
Hey, there's my guy.
Daddy's home from
the little vacation
your brother Frasier sent me on.
All right, Dad.
Daphne's on her
way over to join us
for a nice heart-smart dinner.
Oh, and, Dad, you
really should take a look
at this list the hospital
sent home with us.
Now, the foods that
have a little picture
of a smiling heart next
to them are good for you.
Yeah, I cracked
that code already.
Frasier, I wish you'd
stop coddling me.
I know you're sorry
and you didn't mean to
give me a heart attack.
Not a heart attack, Dad.
A cardiac event.
You know, maybe we
can look on this as a sign
that you should begin
a healthier lifestyle.
Perhaps one day
we'll look back on this
and you'll thank me for it.
Oh, yes.
Maybe then you can
find a nice card for Frasier
like, "Now that I'm
old and looking back,
I thank you for
my heart attack."
Cardiac event.
Here. Give me this, will you.
No, Dad, here, I'll take
this in your room for you.
Why don't you just
go sit down and rest.
Were you able to reach
Ronee at her mom's? No.
Well, here, you can try now.
No, because I'm not telling her.
What?
She doesn't need to
know every little thing
that goes on in my life.
Dad, you had a heart attack.
Cardiac event.
And it's over.
- Dad...
- It's over.
Dad, are you afraid
she'll start seeing
you differently?
Well, you see me differently.
"Let me have that
suitcase, Dad."
"Just sit down and rest."
I don't need her thinking of
me as some feeble old guy.
Do you really want to keep such
an enormous secret from her?
Well, not forever.
You and Niles can
tell her after I'm dead.
Oh, that'll be Daphne.
She's not cooking, is she?
I just got out of the hospital.
Ronee.
Surprise, boys.
And start pouring.
How you doing, sweetie?
Hey. Thought you
were at your mother's.
Oh, you know, I cut it short.
It was just too depressing.
Every since her operation,
she just sits around all day
like she's a hundred.
Nice flowers.
"Get well soon"?
Oh, I got those for Frasier.
He has a little...
man problem.
Flares up every once in a while.
Frasier has a man problem.
Shut up, you nit.
Hey, thank God
for antibiotics, huh?
I'll be right back, and
then you want to go out
and get some ribs?
Ribs sounds great.
Well, I'm not telling her.
You heard what she
said about her mother.
Dad, you're not going to
be able to keep this from her.
Watch me.
And how are you
going to explain the fact
that you can't eat ribs tonight
or the new medication
that you're on
or the fact that
you can't have sex
for the next two weeks?
Who says? It's on the list.
What little picture
is next to that one?
Dad...
Listen, if she's not able to
handle something like this,
isn't it better if you know now?
Okay, Marty, let's go pig out.
Niles, help me put
this stuff away, will you?
Good seeing you again, Ronee.
Yeah, you, too, and I'm
glad you're feeling better.
Sorry?
You know, your man problem.
Ha!
Keep laughing, you're
going to have a man problem.
You know, I'm not
that hungry right now.
Do you mind if we
just sit for awhile?
No, no, it's fine.
You want me to
go get you a beer?
No, thanks.
So, uh...
did you have good weather
over there in Spokane?
Oh, God, it rained
the entire time.
I basically just sat there
and made boring small
talk with my mother.
God, I hate small talk.
Oh, tell me.
Rained here some, too.
I don't know.
I just hope it
doesn't scare her off.
Maybe she'll surprise us.
Does Ronee ever
spend the night here?
Yeah, on occasion.
Oh, good. 'Cause there's
some underwear in this drawer
I was really hoping
didn't belong to Dad.
Oh, look at this.
Dad was right... we're
camping and we're having fun.
Look how happy we are.
No, the car's
packed. We're leaving.
God, what pains we were.
Didn't want to get
our hands dirty,
didn't want to go fishing,
didn't want to
sleep on the ground,
but he kept taking us...
year after year just so he
could spend time with us.
And frighten us to death
with stories of
hook-armed slashers.
You know, no matter
how frightened I got,
as soon as Dad
started laughing again,
I knew that everything was safe.
I'm not ready to
lose him, Niles.
Me neither.
And I don't want my
child to miss knowing him.
Who else is going to teach
him how to catch a football ball?
You know, 11 years ago
when he moved in here,
I couldn't imagine a
bigger infringement
on my life.
Now... I can't imagine
my life without him.
It would be very hard to
walk into this apartment
and see that chair...
and know that Dad
wasn't here anymore.
Oh, I'd get rid of that
chair immediately.
So you made it from
Spokane on one tank? Wow.
Yeah, that was really
one for the books.
Okay, Marty, what's going on?
What?
Well, I feel like you have
something on your mind
that you're not telling me.
No, I don't.
It's just...
Boy, this is hard.
I'm just nervous about
what you're going to say.
Marty, just...
Yesterday I had a mild,
very mild cardiac event.
A what?
I had a little heart attack.
And that's it?
What do you mean, that's it?
I had a heart attack,
for God's sake!
No surgery, home the next day.
That's a bee sting.
Did they use the paddles? No.
Well, talk to me after
they've used the paddles.
You had the paddles?
Let's just say I didn't
have the best lipo guy.
Well, I'm sorry if it's not
dramatic enough for you.
Look, after all that buildup
I just thought it would be
something bigger, you know,
like you were going
to break up with me
or pop the question
or something.
And FYI, the next time
you're in the hospital,
I would appreciate a phone
call, if it's not too much trouble.
Fine. And FYI, I'm not
breaking up with you.
Well, I know that now.
And if I was going
to do that other thing,
it wouldn't be here.
What other thing?
Pop the question.
Oh.
It'd be someplace
romantic, for God's sake.
Tablecloths.
Nice.
Damn right it'd be nice.
So?
So what?
So what would you have said?
How should I know?
You didn't ask me.
So say I am now.
What? Asking you.
Well, are you or aren't you?
I am.
Okay then.
Okay.
Okay, what?
Okay, I will.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
Maybe Dad's right.
I'm getting stuck in my ways.
I like the way things are. I
don't want them to change.
Well, don't worry.
He's not going
anywhere for awhile.
Hey, guys, guess what.
I'm getting married!
Well, come on, boys.
Give your old mom a kiss.