Frasier (1993–2004): Season 11, Episode 15 - Caught in the Act - full transcript
After a long time, Frasier meets his ex-wife Nanette again. Bored with her job entertaining children as a character named Nanny G, she's built up an enormous amount of passion she desperately wants to share with Frasier. However, she's married to her producer Donald. Not having had sex in six months, it's very hard for Frasier to do the right thing, especially with Nanette doing what she can to get some time alone with him.
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and PARAMOUNT TELEVISION
Large coffee to
go, please. Black.
Didn't get much sleep
last night at Ronee's.
Don't ask why, 'cause
there are certain things
a gentleman doesn't tell.
Ah.
Dad, please.
Well, all right, I'll
tell you just a little.
She's got this massage oil...
Would you stop it?
I do not want to hear
about your dirty weekend,
especially since the most
erotic experience I've had
in six months was last
week's trouser fitting.
Oh, Niles.
Hi, Niles.
The GAP, Niles?
I didn't know you shopped there.
I just discovered it.
Apparently, there
are a number of them.
And what did you get there?
Oh, uh... well, let's see.
Uh... some wineglasses
and a bud vase...
That's Pottery
Barn, you jackass!
Give me that.
Just as I thought.
You bought the Diego sweater.
What's the big deal?
It's just a sweater.
It is not just a sweater.
It is a work of art
by Spain's fabled
master weaver Diego,
who uses only
the soft chin hairs
of Andalusian mountain goats.
Our sweater man could
only get one this year.
Niles and I made a pact
that neither of us would buy it.
You can't even keep
a simple sweater pact!
Ah, Ronee... there's a gal
who can keep a sweater packed.
Stop that.
The least you can do is
let me borrow it sometime.
Absolutely not. You know
Diego's weave conforms precisely
to the contours of one's body.
Five minutes on you, I'd
never be able to wear it again.
Hello.
Oh, hi, Daph. Hey,
Daph. Hi, Daphne.
Not a word about this.
We're saving money for
the baby's college fund.
She'd kill me if she found out
I spent half a
semester on a sweater.
You want this?
Yeah, I'm leaving.
Where have you been?
You missed your
massage this weekend.
That's what she thinks.
Just go!
Have a seat.
May I have a coffee?
Oh. No biscotti?
No. I baked me own.
I decided $1.50 was way too
much to spend on a cookie.
Anyone?
Oh. Thank you,
my angel of thrift.
Oh, hi, Roz.
Good morning.
Maybe yours was.
I just spent the last
two hours waiting in line
for this kiddie performer
that Alice loves, Nanny G,
and the second I got to the
window, the show sold out.
Nanny G? Frasier might be able
to pull a few
strings for you there.
You know Nanny G?
What did you, like, date her?
Actually, I married her.
You married Nanny G?
Yeah. Well, briefly.
It was years ago.
I was a callow, dreamy-eyed
youth, and she was...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I need tickets.
She's at Kidbooks right
now signing her new CD.
If you come with me...
All right, all right.
I'll see what I can do.
Thank you.
Oh, and could you turn
the heat up in
here? It's freezing.
Oh, Niles has a sweater.
Oh, and it's from
the GAP. Good boy.
Now, help me
stretch the neck out.
I don't want to muss me hair.
Thank you, Nanny G.
So what was it like being
married to Nanny G?
Oh, gosh. We were
so young and immature.
We'd have huge
fights over nothing.
But in the bedroom...
Uh, Frasier...
Oh, sorry.
So, um... Nanny G
gave you nice "hugs"?
Oh, big hugs.
No kiddin'?
We used to hug our brains out.
In fact, you know,
the last time we saw each other,
she wanted to have
a little reunion hug.
But, alas, I was
still married to Lilith
and settling for my
weekly handshake.
So, you're hoping
for another hug?
Oh, the thought had
crossed my mind, you know.
We used to have this wild
attraction to each other.
It was almost combustible.
Truth be told,
it's been a while
since I, uh...
romped with abandon
through the perfumed
gardens of Eros.
Next time you say something
like that, cover my ears.
And who is this for? Frasier.
F-R-A...
Frasier! Oh! It's so
good to see you again!
And you... you look great.
I've never seen such
color in your cheeks.
Oh, this isn't Lilith.
This is my coworker, Roz,
and her daughter, Alice.
Hey, Alice. How old are you?
I'm divorced now.
Five.
Wow. Five!
Single again.
You know what happens
when you turn six?
You grow an extra finger.
Footloose, fancy free.
She's not biting.
Just get the tickets.
All right.
You know, Nanette, Alice
was so hoping to see your show,
but, alas, all the
tickets are sold.
Well, I think I can
scare up three seats,
if you don't mind
sitting in the front row.
Thank you, Nanny G!
Can I have everyone's attention?
Nanny G has to go
to the theater now,
so no more autographs.
Gosh, I'm sorry. But maybe
we have time for one more thing.
Would you like to hear a song?
Does everyone know
"The Peek-a-Boo Song?
Yeah!
Well, then, you know what to do!
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪
♪ Someone's there,
but, oh, my gosh ♪
♪ I don't know who ♪
♪ Is it you? ♪
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪ ♪ Give a clue ♪
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪
♪ Guess I better go and
sneak a peek-a-boo ♪
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪
That was great!
And now it's your
turn to sing back to me,
so I want everyone
to cover your eyes.
Ah-ah-ah! I said everyone.
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪ ♪ Peek-a-boo ♪
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪
♪ Someone's there ♪
♪ But, oh, my gosh,
I don't know who ♪
♪ Is it you? ♪
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪
♪ Here's a clue ♪
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪
♪ Guess I better go and
sneak a peek-a-boo ♪
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪
One more time!
Oh, hi, you guys. Hey.
I'm glad you're both here.
Guess who's
coming by for a drink.
Nanette Guzman.
Nanny G. I don't suppose
she's bringing her checkbook.
Oh, dear God, Dad,
will you let it go?
I was still paying
for that wedding
six months after
you two divorced.
Nanette didn't have any
family, so she got off scot-free.
Oh, yeah, orphans
get all the breaks.
Hey, Frasier, Dad and
Ronee are joining us for dinner.
Why don't you two come along?
Well, actually,
Niles, I'm planning
a bit of an intimate
evening myself.
Really?
She wants me.
Are you sure? You
said that last week
about the cable lady, and she
just had something in her eye.
She hit on me in the
children's bookstore
where I bought her CD.
Trust me, the woman
is a sexual volcano
about to erupt.
Judging from some
of these song titles,
you may be right.
"Nanny's Messy Bed"...
"I Feel Something
Great Inside Me"...
"Banisters Are Fun."
Hey. Hey, Daph.
My sweater...
Weren't you wearing
it when you went out?
Yeah, but Eddie was
pulling me along so fast
I started sweating
like a blacksmith.
I could smell the lamb curry I had
for lunch just wafting out my pores.
But don't worry...
It's right here.
Oh, great.
That was me last butterscotch.
Now it's all fuzzy.
That'll be Nanette.
Nanette.
God, I could throw you down
on this floor right now and... Hi!
Hello.
Here, let me take your, uh...
Isn't she the
children's entertainer?
Yeah, SpongeBob Hotpants.
Nanette, you remember my
dad, of course, and-and Niles.
And this is his wife, Daphne.
Hello. It's nice to
meet you. Oh, it's nice
to meet you, too.
Oh, I don't think I've seen
you since the wedding.
Oh, I remember that day.
All those nice
friends of yours came.
What was it, 60, 70?
It's okay, Dad.
I know because only 50 RSVP'ed.
It's all right...
You know, sadly, this bunch
is going out this evening,
so it'll just be the two of us.
Hey.
And Donald.
Donald?
Put 'er there. Don Burwell.
Frasier Crane, uh...
Donald here does, well,
just about everything for me.
He's my manager,
producer, songwriter,
publicist... Husband.
I was getting there.
And when I told him
where I was going, well,
he just had to come
along to meet you.
Well, uh...
Gosh, w-who wants wine?
I know I do.
I'll help. Donald,
introduce yourself.
Hello, Donald.
Just when were you planning on
telling me you have a husband?
He produces my show. It's
a marriage of convenience.
Not at the moment, it's not.
Come on, give Nanny some sugar.
Stop-stop it, stop it.
Donald will see us.
We'll say that you're
short on something
and send him to the
store... He's good at errands.
I'm not going to send
him on an errand.
He's your husband.
It's just business.
It's nothing like what we had.
Do you remember the
passion... and the wildness?
Well, we are running
low on cornichons.
Not only did we break
house records in Boise
and Topeka, but she
hasn't missed a show.
She just... she lives
to entertain children.
Of all ages.
Don, come out and
look at the balcony.
Dear God!
Have we lost our minds?
Frasier, if you knew
how bored I am
being Nanny G...
how trapped I feel.
You have a wonderful career.
But nothing ever changes.
Do you have any
idea what it's like
to play the same
character for 20 years?
But... you've brought joy
to-to countless small children.
Yeah, well...
there are times
you want to bring joy
to somebody big enough
to throw a little back at you.
Stop-stop it!
Who wants wine?
Oh, that'll cool her right down.
Uh, none for us.
We really have to go.
Yeah. Uh, nice to
meet you, Donald,
and, uh, Fras, see
you in a few hours.
So, looks like a
threesome tonight.
Maybe I'll just stay at Ronee's.
Yes, well, uh...
Here we all are.
Hello.
Ar-Are you sure?
Mr. Bunny's using again.
Do you have anyone
to replace him?
Donald, we are guests here.
Take that outside.
Honestly.
The man has no manners.
Cut that out!
I can't help myself.
I've never stopped
thinking about you.
Nor I you, but this is wrong.
Oh, Frasier, you're so good.
You always do the right thing.
I have the exact same problem.
Well, you're making
great strides overcoming it.
Well, I'm tired of being good.
I've sung my songs
and cheered people up.
Haven't I earned the
right to be a little bad?
Isn't there a part of you
that wants to be bad?
Yes, and three
guesses which one.
I-I... I can't do it.
Come to my dressing room
after the show tomorrow.
I have an hour
when Donald's busy.
I know an hour's not much...
Trust me, an hour's
more than ample.
Shh. Shh.
Well, I just hope he
shows up tomorrow.
That bunny suit is just
so darn tight on me.
Donald, you know,
you really must try
one of these Gruyère tarts.
Oh, no, thanks.
I'm watching the
old cholesterol.
So am I, but you know what?
I just feel like
being bad tonight.
What about you, Frasier?
Are you going to be bad?
Ah, go on.
What's one little tart?
Mmm. Well, it shows its face.
What was that last night?
Relax, relax. Nothing happened.
My problem now is that...
she's invited me to
her dressing room
for an après-show tryst.
You're not going?
Well...
Frasier.
Niles, if you had any idea
how much pain she's in.
The woman is reaching out to me
to rescue her from
a loveless marriage,
from... from a career
she feels trapped in.
If I could help her
make a new beginning,
wouldn't it be heartless of
me to deny myself to her?
Did you say something?
Your penis was talking
so loud, I couldn't hear.
All right!
I want her and she wants me!
She's married.
Yes, well, I married her first.
Till death us do
part, as I recall.
Now, you may not take
those vows seriously, but I do.
Will you listen to yourself?
Oh, this is more
than just sex, Niles.
This is passion, kismet,
a gift the gods bestow
on only a chosen few.
Wouldn't the real
sin be to refuse it?
Isn't that your old
second-piece-of-pie argument?
Well, maybe it is,
but I haven't had
"pie" in six months.
Frasier, you can rationalize
this any way you want,
but the real question is,
if you do this, can you live
with yourself afterwards?
Ready for the concert?
Hey, Alice.
Hi, Uncle Niles.
Hi.
Come on, Mommy. Let's go.
Oh, oh, oh, no hugs for Frasier?
No...
No hugs for Frasier.
Frasier, I thought you
were coming after the show.
No, I can't.
Well, we have ten minutes.
Let me just get
rid of... Donald!
Huh?
No, no. I can't do this at all.
What?
Huh?
Nothing. Just sit there.
God knows I'm tempted,
but... this is wrong.
I-I'm sorry you've been so
unhappy in your life lately, but...
If you want to talk,
we can meet later
at the coffee shop next door.
Why can't we talk now?
Don't you have a show to do?
They can't start without me.
Here, come with me.
What is this place?
It's the prop room.
This is where I come
before every show
to fight off the
emptiness and the nausea
that comes over me.
You don't know how many
times I've sat down here,
curled up in a ball
vomiting like a wino.
Hold me, Frasier.
I can't.
You're married.
And these shoes are suede.
Look, I-I realize that you're
at a crossroads right now,
and if I can help you
reach some decision...
I can't go on. Then don't.
Make a break. Redefine yourself.
No, I mean now, this show.
I can't go on. What?
Cancel?
I can't go out there
and sing and dance
and pretend to be a happy lady
when the love of my
life has just rejected me.
Oh, Nanette, I... I realize
you're upset, but-but...
think of little Alice
and-and the children.
Oh, let them learn now
that life is filled with
bitter disappointments.
But, Nanette...
Oh, make me a
happy lady, Frasier.
And then I can go on.
For the children!
Okay.
All right.
Take me, Frasier!
Yes! Yes!
Oh!
Oh, God!
How I've dreamed of this moment!
Have you?!
Are you kidding?
I dreamed of it
twice last night.
Oh, my God!
Already?
Oh, no!
I thought we had more time.
Quick, get off the bed!
Oh, dear God!
Why is the ceiling opening up?
This is how I make my entrance!
Get off the bed!
I can't. I can't. I'm
tangled in the sheets.
Jump!
Jump? It's too high.
Aim for your clothes.
Dear God, my clothes!
Oh, hide! For God's
sake, just hide!
You have got to
get out of this bed.
Can't I just hide here
until the show's over?
Trust me, that ain't gonna work.
♪ When it's time to rise ♪
♪ I yawn and rub my eyes ♪
♪ Because I'm
such a sleepyhead ♪
♪ But rise I do ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm dying
to see what's new ♪
♪ In Nanny's messy bed ♪
♪ There might be treats ♪
♪ Last week I found a pizza ♪
♪ And a chimpanzee named Fred ♪
♪ So, kids, what say ♪
♪ We see what we find today ♪
♪ In Nanny's messy bed ♪
♪ There's always something new ♪
♪ It's Mr. Kangaroo ♪
♪ Some bunny rabbits, too ♪
♪ And a Panda ♪
Psst, Panda.
Who the hell are you?
Dr. Frasier Crane,
a noted psychiatrist.
When does the bed go
back to the basement?
A new set comes on. The
bed flies out into the rafters.
Fast.
♪ What a mess, what a mess ♪
♪ What a messy, messy,
messy, messy bed ♪
♪ What a mess ♪
♪ Nonetheless ♪
♪ With all the
time I spend in it ♪
♪ It's nice to
have a friend in it ♪
You have got to
get me out of here.
This thing's about
to fly up to the rafters.
Gee, I didn't know that,
having only done this
show 12,000 times.
Put this on.
You can't be serious.
Just put it on now!
♪ Messy bed. ♪
Oh, hi, boys and girls.
Hi, Nanny G.
Well, I guess I'd
better make my bed.
You don't have to, Nanny G.
I have a magic wand
that can make it fly away
until it's nighttime again.
Alakaz...
Wait!
I think there's something in
there that I haven't found yet.
It's the best surprise ever.
It's...
a new baby brother!
Oh, what's the
matter, little guy?
You look kind of sad.
Are you going to cry?
Cry.
Waa!
Oh...
Sounds like somebody
could use some cheering up.
Let's sing him the
"Hoppity-Hop" song.
We cut "Hoppity-Hop" in Detroit.
Put it back in.
♪ When I'm blue just like you ♪
♪ When it's not my day ♪
♪ I hop, hop, hoppity-hop ♪
♪ Hop my troubles away ♪
Come on!
♪ When a bee stings my knee ♪
♪ When I lose a toy ♪
♪ I hop, hop, hoppity-hop ♪
♪ And soon I'm jumping for joy ♪
♪ We were feeling sad ♪
♪ Now we're feeling snappy ♪
♪ We were hopping mad ♪
♪ Now we're hopping happy ♪
♪ So when you
think people stink ♪
♪ Let your knees just bend ♪
♪ And hop, hop, hoppity-hop ♪
♪ And watch your
grumpiness end ♪
♪ Hop, hop, hoppity-hop ♪
♪ And soon you'll
make a new friend. ♪
and PARAMOUNT TELEVISION
Large coffee to
go, please. Black.
Didn't get much sleep
last night at Ronee's.
Don't ask why, 'cause
there are certain things
a gentleman doesn't tell.
Ah.
Dad, please.
Well, all right, I'll
tell you just a little.
She's got this massage oil...
Would you stop it?
I do not want to hear
about your dirty weekend,
especially since the most
erotic experience I've had
in six months was last
week's trouser fitting.
Oh, Niles.
Hi, Niles.
The GAP, Niles?
I didn't know you shopped there.
I just discovered it.
Apparently, there
are a number of them.
And what did you get there?
Oh, uh... well, let's see.
Uh... some wineglasses
and a bud vase...
That's Pottery
Barn, you jackass!
Give me that.
Just as I thought.
You bought the Diego sweater.
What's the big deal?
It's just a sweater.
It is not just a sweater.
It is a work of art
by Spain's fabled
master weaver Diego,
who uses only
the soft chin hairs
of Andalusian mountain goats.
Our sweater man could
only get one this year.
Niles and I made a pact
that neither of us would buy it.
You can't even keep
a simple sweater pact!
Ah, Ronee... there's a gal
who can keep a sweater packed.
Stop that.
The least you can do is
let me borrow it sometime.
Absolutely not. You know
Diego's weave conforms precisely
to the contours of one's body.
Five minutes on you, I'd
never be able to wear it again.
Hello.
Oh, hi, Daph. Hey,
Daph. Hi, Daphne.
Not a word about this.
We're saving money for
the baby's college fund.
She'd kill me if she found out
I spent half a
semester on a sweater.
You want this?
Yeah, I'm leaving.
Where have you been?
You missed your
massage this weekend.
That's what she thinks.
Just go!
Have a seat.
May I have a coffee?
Oh. No biscotti?
No. I baked me own.
I decided $1.50 was way too
much to spend on a cookie.
Anyone?
Oh. Thank you,
my angel of thrift.
Oh, hi, Roz.
Good morning.
Maybe yours was.
I just spent the last
two hours waiting in line
for this kiddie performer
that Alice loves, Nanny G,
and the second I got to the
window, the show sold out.
Nanny G? Frasier might be able
to pull a few
strings for you there.
You know Nanny G?
What did you, like, date her?
Actually, I married her.
You married Nanny G?
Yeah. Well, briefly.
It was years ago.
I was a callow, dreamy-eyed
youth, and she was...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I need tickets.
She's at Kidbooks right
now signing her new CD.
If you come with me...
All right, all right.
I'll see what I can do.
Thank you.
Oh, and could you turn
the heat up in
here? It's freezing.
Oh, Niles has a sweater.
Oh, and it's from
the GAP. Good boy.
Now, help me
stretch the neck out.
I don't want to muss me hair.
Thank you, Nanny G.
So what was it like being
married to Nanny G?
Oh, gosh. We were
so young and immature.
We'd have huge
fights over nothing.
But in the bedroom...
Uh, Frasier...
Oh, sorry.
So, um... Nanny G
gave you nice "hugs"?
Oh, big hugs.
No kiddin'?
We used to hug our brains out.
In fact, you know,
the last time we saw each other,
she wanted to have
a little reunion hug.
But, alas, I was
still married to Lilith
and settling for my
weekly handshake.
So, you're hoping
for another hug?
Oh, the thought had
crossed my mind, you know.
We used to have this wild
attraction to each other.
It was almost combustible.
Truth be told,
it's been a while
since I, uh...
romped with abandon
through the perfumed
gardens of Eros.
Next time you say something
like that, cover my ears.
And who is this for? Frasier.
F-R-A...
Frasier! Oh! It's so
good to see you again!
And you... you look great.
I've never seen such
color in your cheeks.
Oh, this isn't Lilith.
This is my coworker, Roz,
and her daughter, Alice.
Hey, Alice. How old are you?
I'm divorced now.
Five.
Wow. Five!
Single again.
You know what happens
when you turn six?
You grow an extra finger.
Footloose, fancy free.
She's not biting.
Just get the tickets.
All right.
You know, Nanette, Alice
was so hoping to see your show,
but, alas, all the
tickets are sold.
Well, I think I can
scare up three seats,
if you don't mind
sitting in the front row.
Thank you, Nanny G!
Can I have everyone's attention?
Nanny G has to go
to the theater now,
so no more autographs.
Gosh, I'm sorry. But maybe
we have time for one more thing.
Would you like to hear a song?
Does everyone know
"The Peek-a-Boo Song?
Yeah!
Well, then, you know what to do!
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪
♪ Someone's there,
but, oh, my gosh ♪
♪ I don't know who ♪
♪ Is it you? ♪
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪ ♪ Give a clue ♪
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪
♪ Guess I better go and
sneak a peek-a-boo ♪
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪
That was great!
And now it's your
turn to sing back to me,
so I want everyone
to cover your eyes.
Ah-ah-ah! I said everyone.
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪ ♪ Peek-a-boo ♪
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪
♪ Someone's there ♪
♪ But, oh, my gosh,
I don't know who ♪
♪ Is it you? ♪
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪
♪ Here's a clue ♪
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪
♪ Guess I better go and
sneak a peek-a-boo ♪
♪ Peek-a-boo ♪
One more time!
Oh, hi, you guys. Hey.
I'm glad you're both here.
Guess who's
coming by for a drink.
Nanette Guzman.
Nanny G. I don't suppose
she's bringing her checkbook.
Oh, dear God, Dad,
will you let it go?
I was still paying
for that wedding
six months after
you two divorced.
Nanette didn't have any
family, so she got off scot-free.
Oh, yeah, orphans
get all the breaks.
Hey, Frasier, Dad and
Ronee are joining us for dinner.
Why don't you two come along?
Well, actually,
Niles, I'm planning
a bit of an intimate
evening myself.
Really?
She wants me.
Are you sure? You
said that last week
about the cable lady, and she
just had something in her eye.
She hit on me in the
children's bookstore
where I bought her CD.
Trust me, the woman
is a sexual volcano
about to erupt.
Judging from some
of these song titles,
you may be right.
"Nanny's Messy Bed"...
"I Feel Something
Great Inside Me"...
"Banisters Are Fun."
Hey. Hey, Daph.
My sweater...
Weren't you wearing
it when you went out?
Yeah, but Eddie was
pulling me along so fast
I started sweating
like a blacksmith.
I could smell the lamb curry I had
for lunch just wafting out my pores.
But don't worry...
It's right here.
Oh, great.
That was me last butterscotch.
Now it's all fuzzy.
That'll be Nanette.
Nanette.
God, I could throw you down
on this floor right now and... Hi!
Hello.
Here, let me take your, uh...
Isn't she the
children's entertainer?
Yeah, SpongeBob Hotpants.
Nanette, you remember my
dad, of course, and-and Niles.
And this is his wife, Daphne.
Hello. It's nice to
meet you. Oh, it's nice
to meet you, too.
Oh, I don't think I've seen
you since the wedding.
Oh, I remember that day.
All those nice
friends of yours came.
What was it, 60, 70?
It's okay, Dad.
I know because only 50 RSVP'ed.
It's all right...
You know, sadly, this bunch
is going out this evening,
so it'll just be the two of us.
Hey.
And Donald.
Donald?
Put 'er there. Don Burwell.
Frasier Crane, uh...
Donald here does, well,
just about everything for me.
He's my manager,
producer, songwriter,
publicist... Husband.
I was getting there.
And when I told him
where I was going, well,
he just had to come
along to meet you.
Well, uh...
Gosh, w-who wants wine?
I know I do.
I'll help. Donald,
introduce yourself.
Hello, Donald.
Just when were you planning on
telling me you have a husband?
He produces my show. It's
a marriage of convenience.
Not at the moment, it's not.
Come on, give Nanny some sugar.
Stop-stop it, stop it.
Donald will see us.
We'll say that you're
short on something
and send him to the
store... He's good at errands.
I'm not going to send
him on an errand.
He's your husband.
It's just business.
It's nothing like what we had.
Do you remember the
passion... and the wildness?
Well, we are running
low on cornichons.
Not only did we break
house records in Boise
and Topeka, but she
hasn't missed a show.
She just... she lives
to entertain children.
Of all ages.
Don, come out and
look at the balcony.
Dear God!
Have we lost our minds?
Frasier, if you knew
how bored I am
being Nanny G...
how trapped I feel.
You have a wonderful career.
But nothing ever changes.
Do you have any
idea what it's like
to play the same
character for 20 years?
But... you've brought joy
to-to countless small children.
Yeah, well...
there are times
you want to bring joy
to somebody big enough
to throw a little back at you.
Stop-stop it!
Who wants wine?
Oh, that'll cool her right down.
Uh, none for us.
We really have to go.
Yeah. Uh, nice to
meet you, Donald,
and, uh, Fras, see
you in a few hours.
So, looks like a
threesome tonight.
Maybe I'll just stay at Ronee's.
Yes, well, uh...
Here we all are.
Hello.
Ar-Are you sure?
Mr. Bunny's using again.
Do you have anyone
to replace him?
Donald, we are guests here.
Take that outside.
Honestly.
The man has no manners.
Cut that out!
I can't help myself.
I've never stopped
thinking about you.
Nor I you, but this is wrong.
Oh, Frasier, you're so good.
You always do the right thing.
I have the exact same problem.
Well, you're making
great strides overcoming it.
Well, I'm tired of being good.
I've sung my songs
and cheered people up.
Haven't I earned the
right to be a little bad?
Isn't there a part of you
that wants to be bad?
Yes, and three
guesses which one.
I-I... I can't do it.
Come to my dressing room
after the show tomorrow.
I have an hour
when Donald's busy.
I know an hour's not much...
Trust me, an hour's
more than ample.
Shh. Shh.
Well, I just hope he
shows up tomorrow.
That bunny suit is just
so darn tight on me.
Donald, you know,
you really must try
one of these Gruyère tarts.
Oh, no, thanks.
I'm watching the
old cholesterol.
So am I, but you know what?
I just feel like
being bad tonight.
What about you, Frasier?
Are you going to be bad?
Ah, go on.
What's one little tart?
Mmm. Well, it shows its face.
What was that last night?
Relax, relax. Nothing happened.
My problem now is that...
she's invited me to
her dressing room
for an après-show tryst.
You're not going?
Well...
Frasier.
Niles, if you had any idea
how much pain she's in.
The woman is reaching out to me
to rescue her from
a loveless marriage,
from... from a career
she feels trapped in.
If I could help her
make a new beginning,
wouldn't it be heartless of
me to deny myself to her?
Did you say something?
Your penis was talking
so loud, I couldn't hear.
All right!
I want her and she wants me!
She's married.
Yes, well, I married her first.
Till death us do
part, as I recall.
Now, you may not take
those vows seriously, but I do.
Will you listen to yourself?
Oh, this is more
than just sex, Niles.
This is passion, kismet,
a gift the gods bestow
on only a chosen few.
Wouldn't the real
sin be to refuse it?
Isn't that your old
second-piece-of-pie argument?
Well, maybe it is,
but I haven't had
"pie" in six months.
Frasier, you can rationalize
this any way you want,
but the real question is,
if you do this, can you live
with yourself afterwards?
Ready for the concert?
Hey, Alice.
Hi, Uncle Niles.
Hi.
Come on, Mommy. Let's go.
Oh, oh, oh, no hugs for Frasier?
No...
No hugs for Frasier.
Frasier, I thought you
were coming after the show.
No, I can't.
Well, we have ten minutes.
Let me just get
rid of... Donald!
Huh?
No, no. I can't do this at all.
What?
Huh?
Nothing. Just sit there.
God knows I'm tempted,
but... this is wrong.
I-I'm sorry you've been so
unhappy in your life lately, but...
If you want to talk,
we can meet later
at the coffee shop next door.
Why can't we talk now?
Don't you have a show to do?
They can't start without me.
Here, come with me.
What is this place?
It's the prop room.
This is where I come
before every show
to fight off the
emptiness and the nausea
that comes over me.
You don't know how many
times I've sat down here,
curled up in a ball
vomiting like a wino.
Hold me, Frasier.
I can't.
You're married.
And these shoes are suede.
Look, I-I realize that you're
at a crossroads right now,
and if I can help you
reach some decision...
I can't go on. Then don't.
Make a break. Redefine yourself.
No, I mean now, this show.
I can't go on. What?
Cancel?
I can't go out there
and sing and dance
and pretend to be a happy lady
when the love of my
life has just rejected me.
Oh, Nanette, I... I realize
you're upset, but-but...
think of little Alice
and-and the children.
Oh, let them learn now
that life is filled with
bitter disappointments.
But, Nanette...
Oh, make me a
happy lady, Frasier.
And then I can go on.
For the children!
Okay.
All right.
Take me, Frasier!
Yes! Yes!
Oh!
Oh, God!
How I've dreamed of this moment!
Have you?!
Are you kidding?
I dreamed of it
twice last night.
Oh, my God!
Already?
Oh, no!
I thought we had more time.
Quick, get off the bed!
Oh, dear God!
Why is the ceiling opening up?
This is how I make my entrance!
Get off the bed!
I can't. I can't. I'm
tangled in the sheets.
Jump!
Jump? It's too high.
Aim for your clothes.
Dear God, my clothes!
Oh, hide! For God's
sake, just hide!
You have got to
get out of this bed.
Can't I just hide here
until the show's over?
Trust me, that ain't gonna work.
♪ When it's time to rise ♪
♪ I yawn and rub my eyes ♪
♪ Because I'm
such a sleepyhead ♪
♪ But rise I do ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm dying
to see what's new ♪
♪ In Nanny's messy bed ♪
♪ There might be treats ♪
♪ Last week I found a pizza ♪
♪ And a chimpanzee named Fred ♪
♪ So, kids, what say ♪
♪ We see what we find today ♪
♪ In Nanny's messy bed ♪
♪ There's always something new ♪
♪ It's Mr. Kangaroo ♪
♪ Some bunny rabbits, too ♪
♪ And a Panda ♪
Psst, Panda.
Who the hell are you?
Dr. Frasier Crane,
a noted psychiatrist.
When does the bed go
back to the basement?
A new set comes on. The
bed flies out into the rafters.
Fast.
♪ What a mess, what a mess ♪
♪ What a messy, messy,
messy, messy bed ♪
♪ What a mess ♪
♪ Nonetheless ♪
♪ With all the
time I spend in it ♪
♪ It's nice to
have a friend in it ♪
You have got to
get me out of here.
This thing's about
to fly up to the rafters.
Gee, I didn't know that,
having only done this
show 12,000 times.
Put this on.
You can't be serious.
Just put it on now!
♪ Messy bed. ♪
Oh, hi, boys and girls.
Hi, Nanny G.
Well, I guess I'd
better make my bed.
You don't have to, Nanny G.
I have a magic wand
that can make it fly away
until it's nighttime again.
Alakaz...
Wait!
I think there's something in
there that I haven't found yet.
It's the best surprise ever.
It's...
a new baby brother!
Oh, what's the
matter, little guy?
You look kind of sad.
Are you going to cry?
Cry.
Waa!
Oh...
Sounds like somebody
could use some cheering up.
Let's sing him the
"Hoppity-Hop" song.
We cut "Hoppity-Hop" in Detroit.
Put it back in.
♪ When I'm blue just like you ♪
♪ When it's not my day ♪
♪ I hop, hop, hoppity-hop ♪
♪ Hop my troubles away ♪
Come on!
♪ When a bee stings my knee ♪
♪ When I lose a toy ♪
♪ I hop, hop, hoppity-hop ♪
♪ And soon I'm jumping for joy ♪
♪ We were feeling sad ♪
♪ Now we're feeling snappy ♪
♪ We were hopping mad ♪
♪ Now we're hopping happy ♪
♪ So when you
think people stink ♪
♪ Let your knees just bend ♪
♪ And hop, hop, hoppity-hop ♪
♪ And watch your
grumpiness end ♪
♪ Hop, hop, hoppity-hop ♪
♪ And soon you'll
make a new friend. ♪