Frasier (1993–2004): Season 10, Episode 8 - Rooms with a View - full transcript
The Crane family keeps a tense vigil while Niles has open-heart surgery, each remembering various experiences they've had in hospitals.
Oh, this one's
from your mom.
Oh... kitten
in a basket of yarn.
"Dear Niles,
I know we haven't always
gotten along."
Isn't that sweet?
FRASIER:
Hey, Niles
look what I found
in the parking lot.
Hi, Niles.
It's good to see you.
How's he doing?
The doctor says
he's just great.
Well, he looks just great.
(whispers):
Why is he so pale?
(whispers):
He's always this pale.
I'll take those.
Well, Niles,
you've got
quite an impressive
array of flowers here.
Uh... Oh, dear Lord.
Who sent mums?
Those are from Jaime,
our squash valet.
Really?
You know, when I had the flu,
Jaime didn't send me
so much as a card.
You didn't have the flu.
You barely had the sniffles.
I almost threw up.
Who knows?
Mums might have been just
the thing to cheer me up.
I guess we'll never know now, will we?
I'm so sorry you have
to go through all this, Niles.
Oh, I'm pretty used to him by now.
Oh, right...
The... um, yes,
well... thank you.
Who knew all those years
of foie gras and brie
would finally catch up with me.
You know, Frasier,
you might want to get yourself
checked out.
You eat a lot
of that stuff, too.
Yes, but I also drink
a lot of red wine.
Now, Niles,
you'll be happy to know
that your prognosis
is excellent.
I have done some research.
Ah.
I have detailed the procedure
and made copies for each of you.
Here we are.
I also took
the liberty
of checking out your surgeon.
A fine choice.
True, he did have a few brushes
with the law as an undergrad
and I think you all know
how I feel about Tulane's medical school.
But...
on the bright side, he has been
extensively published
and his reputation is stellar.
Now, if you'll all please turn
to page 17 in your handouts.
Where is Dad?
He stepped outside for some coffee.
Oh, I specifically used
laymen's terms for his benefit
Well, all right.
How's he handling all this?
He's positively chirpy.
.
In other words, he's terrified
,
FRASIER:
Yes, when we were kids
whenever one of us
was sick or hurt,
Dad would try to keep us
from worrying
by pretending the problem
didn't even exist.
Nonchalance was his coping mechanism.
Things always turned out
all right, though.
It will this time, too.
How are you holding up?
Well, you know...
You know what?
I think you should think of
something really cool to do
when all this is over--
like a big trip.
That way, you can have something
good to focus on.
I can't think about that
right now.
What the hey?
You still in bed?
It's 9:00
in the morning
Up and at 'em, lazy bones.
Hello, I'm your anesthesiologist, Dr. Ling.
Oh, hello.
How are you
feeling today?
Oh, don't let
this faker fool you.
He's just trying
to get out of work.
,
If you're feeling at all anxious
I can give you
a mild sedative.
No, thanks.
Are you sure, Niles?
Dr. Ling went to Duke.
(phone rings)
Hello?
Can I ask who's calling?
Just a minute, please.
It's Maris.
Do you want me to make up
an excuse?
No, that's okay,
I'll talk to her.
Thank you.
Hello?
Well, yes. How did you hear?
Ah... Jaime is a bit
of a gossip.
Luckily,
they discovered the blockage
before I had a major event.
Well, thank you.
That wasn't the nurse,
that was my wife.
Yes. Daphne.
We were married
a couple of months ago.
.
No, well, uh, that's not really my fault
you didn't know
Sounds to me like your argument
is with Jaime.
Well, if it makes you
feel any better,
we didn't invite anyone.
Dr. Ling...
Uh-huh. Uh-huh
Yes, of course we invited him,
he's my brother.
Yes: Williams-Sonoma
and Tiffany's.
Keep it coming.
Now, in just a few moments,
we'll be ready to wheel you down to the O.R.
He'll receive general anesthesia
once he's on
the operating table.
Now, if you'd like to follow
along in your handouts,
I could take you through
the first steps
of the procedure.
The doctor explained everything
to us yesterday.
Yes, but did he have
an mnemonic verse
that goes along to the tune
of "Camptown Races"?
Hello.
Ah...
Dr. Schafer,
I was just explaining
my brother's procedure
to my family.
I'll hand the floor
over to you.
Thank you...?
Frasier...Dr.Crane.
Oh, great.
Once you're under,
we'll begin by
inserting some tubes
to monitor your blood pressure
Then while one team harvests
the saphenous vein
from your right leg,
I'll be opening up your chest.
Excuse me, uh...
If I may, um...
wouldn't a mid-CAB
be less invasive?
I have done some research
into the matter
and I believe that is
the prevailing methodology.
Well, you may have read
about that in Reader's Digest,
but a mid-CAB is
only appropriate
for limited blockages.
My source is not
Reader's Digest.
It is a Harvard colleague.
Harvard being my alma mater.
Harvard!
,
Now, if I'm not mistaken
the blockage is in the left
anterior descending artery.
And the right coronary,
Look, in my expert opinion
I'm doing what's best for this patient.
And my expert opinion
says otherwise.
Well, if you're such an expert,
maybe you should perform
the surgery.
Maybe I should.
Dad.
Frasier, you are not operating
on your brother.
Suit yourself.
LING:
Maybe it would be best
if everyone stepped out
while Dr. Schafer
talks to the patient.
Mrs. Crane,
you're welcome to stay.
Niles, I'll...
I'll see you before
they wheel you in.
Well, I'll tell you one thing
about that Dr. Schafer's
people skills:
I am not a fan.
Oh, will you leave it alone?
You're being a big pain.
Yes, well, I happen
to know a thing or...
a thing or two
about bypass surgery.
He was totally
condescending to me.
He was just trying to
let you know who's in charge.
I'm sure, at the first sign of trouble,
he'll run right out here
to consult with you.
This is so weird.
24 hours ago,
we didn't even know anything
was wrong with Niles.
It just goes to show
you can't take a second
for granted.
Sure can't.
Can't take people for granted, either.
You just never know.
It's true.
That's why you should always
tell the people you love
just how much
they mean to you.
Well, I hope you guys know
how much I care about you.
Oh, geez, sure we do.
And we care about you, too, Roz.
Of course, Roz;
you're like family.
And, Dad...
I hope you know I love you
even at your most difficult.
Well, I love you, too, son,
even when you treat me
like a child.
Frasier bosses everyone around--
it's just his way.
Perhaps if people
behaved more competently,
I wouldn't be so bossy.
Maybe you wouldn't be so bossy
if you didn't always focus on how everybody else behaves.
That'd be the day.
Yes, well, maybe
that's because
human behavior is my profession.
n take a day off
once in a while.
No kidding.
Who asked you, Roz?
Niles is going off
to surgery soon.
Come and wish him well.
You know...
we really should tell her
how much
she means to us, too.
How are you feeling?
I'm a little woozy.
Maybe I should lie down.
Oh, now, Daphne, you know
all the important papers
are in my top
left-hand drawer...
DAPHNE:
Let's not talk
about that right now.
You just relax.
Okay, Daphne.
You know, Daphne, they do these
procedures hundreds of times.
I know
Okay. It's practically
routine, Daphne.
Why do you keep saying my name?
I just want to say it
as many times as I can.
Daphne.
What? Still in bed?
Look at this goldbrick
Well, if you're going to be loafing around all day,
you might as well
have something to read.
I know how you love
your Archies.
Thanks, Dad.
Oh, a Jughead Double Digest.
.
I'll be here waiting for you
I love you, son.
I love you, too.
Frasier.
I have a confession to make.
Hmm?
Remember when we were kids and
I was wearing your opera cape
and you pushed me
down the stairs?
Yes.
You didn't push me.
I jumped.
I was trying to fly
like a Valkyrie.
That's not important right now
The important thing is
that you get well, all right?
Dr. Crane, Mrs. Crane, it's that time.
Ooh.
Okay, we're going to need you
to slide over.
Boy, the hospital's an
interesting place, isn't it?
How so, Niles?
Oh
all roads lead to the hospital.
We're born here,
we get sick here,
and we get well here..
always these big, dramatic moments
and the hospital
just gobbles them up.
You think a hospital
has memories?
I bet it does.
I bet when I walked in,
it thought...
"Oh, you again.
"You're the little boy
who broke his leg in 1966.
Hello, old friend."
Wow, a talking hospital.
That would be cool.
When are these drugs
going to kick in?
I don't know
why I need surgery...
this is the best I've felt in years.
Easy... easy...
Daphne, Daphne, Daphne,
Okay, you ready to take
a little trip
I think he already is.
Can I just have a second?
Of course.
I'll be here
when you wake up.
Promise?
I promise.
What do you mean you
don't like Archie?
It's a riot.
You got your Jughead, your
Reggie, your Mr. Weatherbee.
Please, stop crying, Maris.
The doctor can always
cut off more next time.
I'll be here when you wake up.
Promise?
Promise.
MARTIN
: How come these places
never have any
magazines for men?
It's all hairdos
and recipes and butt exercises.
I was just thinking
about what Niles said
about the hospital
and the things
that happen here.
Oh, geez, would you
look at this:
"Ten Saucy Secrets
To Please Him In Bed."
You know damn well
there are only four.
The rest are just do-si-dos.
It's like the whole
tapestry of life
keeps replaying itself
within these walls.
I used to bust people
for that one.
You didn't hear a word
I said, did you?
Yeah, I did.
"Hospital...
tapestry of life."
Whoa, that's a nice kitchen.
.
You're a sentimental fool, Dad
Well, here he is.
Frasier, say hello
to your new brother.
I don't like him.
(chuckles)
Remember when you were little
and you convinced Niles
that we were all figments
of his imagination?
The whole world was just
in his mind?
I told him we disappeared
whenever he left the room.
For months afterwards,
he was always
darting into rooms
to make sure we were
all still there.
Scared the crap
out of me.
I was ready
to kill you.
What made you think of that?
I don't know.
Just thinking about Niles.
Well, he must be all right.
We're all still here.
I don't think I've ever
been this frightened
in my whole life.
Well, Daph, according
to my timetable,
Niles is probably
off the bypass pump by now.
All the blockages
have been bypassed
and the myocardium
is now receiving normal blood.
How come you
know all this,
but you're stumped by an electric
barbecue fork?
Because the human heart was not
designed by some idiot in Japan.
You know, Frasier,
maybe now's not the perfect time to go into detail.
It's all right, Roz.
You see, she knows.
Knowledge is our ally
against anxiety.
Which happens to be the theme
for today's Best of Crane
which is being broadcast
over the airwaves
right this moment.
Oh, yeah. They're piping it into the operating room
instead of using anesthesia.
Very funny, Roz.
Oh, I hope the doctors
have their earplugs in,
so they don't
fall asleep, too.
All right, we get it.
Seriously, if I was ever
going to rob a bank
and I wanted to knock out
the guards...
All right, Roz.
Hey, is that
a Chunky in there?
Looks like one.
It's been a long time
since I seen one of those.
What are they asking for it?
Looks like it's 85 cents.
Does it only take
the exact change?
Looks like there's
a dollar slot.
All I have is a ten.
Will it take a ten?
Get off your ass
and look.
They usually just take singles.
Anybody have a single?
How can you think
about eating now?
What would you rather
have me thinking about?
I'll get you some change.
Oh, thanks, Roz.
I've been sitting
way too long, anyway.
Excuse me... Colleen.
Do you have any ones?
I think so.
Let me check.
Excuse me.
Can I help you?
Yes. There's something
wrong with my baby.
She has a little rash
on her cheek.
I looked in the book
and I don't think
it's chickenpox.
But it does look
a little like scarlet fever.
Is this your first child?
Yes. Why?
I think
this is lipstick.
Would a five help?
No, I'm afraid I need ones.
Oh, thank God.
Oh, look at that.
That's probably
how it happened.
Thank you.
Colleen, I won't forget you.
I'm sorry.
All I've got are fives.
Oh, thanks, anyway.
Do I know you?
I don't think so.
Are you sure?
Trust me, I'm really good with faces. Thanks.
Mrs. Crane?
Yes?
Your husband's
doing well.
He's off the pump
and his heart is
beating on its own.
FRASIER:
How's his blood pressure?
100/60.
Could be better.
Did you thoroughly suction
the cardioplegic solution?
You see, I'm a doctor.
Oh, yes, Dr. Schafer told me
about you.
He said if you started
asking me questions,
I should do this.
Oh, I get it.
Very nice.
Well, that's
good news, right?
Oh, yeah, great.
They didn't have
any change.
Oh, shoot.
What you reading, Daph?
I have no idea.
I must have read
the same paragraph ten times.
I don't know how
you're getting through this.
Well, it's not like the old days
when heart surgery
was a big thing.
Nowadays, they
do it so much,
it's like going in for a haircut.
You read the paper and
wait till he's done.
But aren't you scared?
Uh, I wonder if that
guy has a dollar.
I bet he does.
Excuse me.
Oh, no!
What, Daph?
I don't believe this.
Excuse me.
What?
I was supposed to bring
Niles's cell phone
in case any of his
patients called
so I could refer them
to Dr. Wells.
Now, I'm going to be calling
his stupid cell phone
every two minutes
to check his mailbox.
Here, let's use
my cell phone, all right?
We can take turns calling.
He asked me to do
this one simple thing
and I forgot.
I'm such an idiot.
Don't go beating yourself up.
You didn't do
anything wrong.
Come on.
I'll dial first.
Now, look, Niles,
as far as Dad knows
I had nothing to do
with your leg breaking, right?
You pushed me.
Yes, and in exchange
for your silence,
you'll get ten
of my records.
Any ones you want.
Even the Shostakovich?
Not that one.
Then forget it.
Okay, fine.
Sign here
and initial here.
You still in bed, Mr. Lazybones?
If you're going to lie around all day
I got you something to read.
The Charterhouse of Parma?
Better. Archie.
Well, hello, Chunky.
I beg your pardon?
Got some change.
Congratulations.
Hey, is that
a Marathon bar?
Oh, geez, now I don't know
what to get.
You should go with your
first instinct, Dad.
I haven't had
a Marathon bar in years.
All right, then
get a Marathon bar.
Come to think of it,
I think they quit making
Marathons back in the '80s.
Then you should get a Chunky.
Uh, although...
I kind of want
to get a Marathon bar
just to see what
it looks like
on the inside.
All right,
just get the Chunky!
All right.
Hey!
What?
It's stuck!
Oh, great,
you had to have Chunky!
Oh, fine! All right!
I'll get it!
What is going on?
We have a stuck Chunky.
Why did Chunky
stick his arm in there?
Not me, the candy.
Oh, I give up.
Don't worry, Martin.
I'll stop by tomorrow
and get us some Godiva.
But I want my Chunky.
Excuse me.
Chunky, was it?
Oh, oh, Daphne.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Everything's going
to be fine.
Do I need to call security here?
Uh, no, it's all right.
I'm sorry about this.
Kind of a tough time.
All right, but keep
this area clear
until I can get it cleaned up.
Right. And we'll pay for this.
I already paid for this.
Daphne, I know
you're in hell right now,
but in just about
20 minutes,
comes the disconnecting
of the ventilator
and the extubation.
You can see it all
in the diagram
on page 24-C.
He's not a diagram!
He's my husband
and he's on a table
with his chest cut open!
I'm sorry if I can't handle
this as well as the rest of you,
but I'm terrified!
Daphne, it's okay.
Just calm down.
When all this is over...
There is no
"when this is over"!
There's no tomorrow,
no next week, no next year!
There's nothing until
he comes out of there
and I know he's okay!
Daphne...
Why don't you sit down, son?
Nobody meant anything.
It's hard as hell for
all of us to be here.
I know. It's just...
I hate hospitals.
I hate them.
I hate all of this.
I know.
.
I'm afraid your wife's X rays don't look good
Waiting is the hardest part.
Niles...
you did great.
The doctor said
it went even better
than he expected.
I'm so proud of you.
He'll be out all night.
Why don't you get
something to eat?
I'll be here
when you wake up.
Say hello to your new sister.
Look, she's smiling at you.
♪♪ Hey, baby,
I hear the blues a-calling ♪
♪
♪♪ Tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪♪
♪♪ Oh, my ♪♪
♪♪ And maybe I seem
a bit confused ♪♪
♪♪ Well, maybe,
but I got you pegged ♪♪
(laughs)
♪♪ But I don'’’t know what to do
♪♪
♪♪ With those tossed salad
s and scrambled eggs ♪♪
♪♪ They'’’re calling again
. ♪♪
Thank you!
from your mom.
Oh... kitten
in a basket of yarn.
"Dear Niles,
I know we haven't always
gotten along."
Isn't that sweet?
FRASIER:
Hey, Niles
look what I found
in the parking lot.
Hi, Niles.
It's good to see you.
How's he doing?
The doctor says
he's just great.
Well, he looks just great.
(whispers):
Why is he so pale?
(whispers):
He's always this pale.
I'll take those.
Well, Niles,
you've got
quite an impressive
array of flowers here.
Uh... Oh, dear Lord.
Who sent mums?
Those are from Jaime,
our squash valet.
Really?
You know, when I had the flu,
Jaime didn't send me
so much as a card.
You didn't have the flu.
You barely had the sniffles.
I almost threw up.
Who knows?
Mums might have been just
the thing to cheer me up.
I guess we'll never know now, will we?
I'm so sorry you have
to go through all this, Niles.
Oh, I'm pretty used to him by now.
Oh, right...
The... um, yes,
well... thank you.
Who knew all those years
of foie gras and brie
would finally catch up with me.
You know, Frasier,
you might want to get yourself
checked out.
You eat a lot
of that stuff, too.
Yes, but I also drink
a lot of red wine.
Now, Niles,
you'll be happy to know
that your prognosis
is excellent.
I have done some research.
Ah.
I have detailed the procedure
and made copies for each of you.
Here we are.
I also took
the liberty
of checking out your surgeon.
A fine choice.
True, he did have a few brushes
with the law as an undergrad
and I think you all know
how I feel about Tulane's medical school.
But...
on the bright side, he has been
extensively published
and his reputation is stellar.
Now, if you'll all please turn
to page 17 in your handouts.
Where is Dad?
He stepped outside for some coffee.
Oh, I specifically used
laymen's terms for his benefit
Well, all right.
How's he handling all this?
He's positively chirpy.
.
In other words, he's terrified
,
FRASIER:
Yes, when we were kids
whenever one of us
was sick or hurt,
Dad would try to keep us
from worrying
by pretending the problem
didn't even exist.
Nonchalance was his coping mechanism.
Things always turned out
all right, though.
It will this time, too.
How are you holding up?
Well, you know...
You know what?
I think you should think of
something really cool to do
when all this is over--
like a big trip.
That way, you can have something
good to focus on.
I can't think about that
right now.
What the hey?
You still in bed?
It's 9:00
in the morning
Up and at 'em, lazy bones.
Hello, I'm your anesthesiologist, Dr. Ling.
Oh, hello.
How are you
feeling today?
Oh, don't let
this faker fool you.
He's just trying
to get out of work.
,
If you're feeling at all anxious
I can give you
a mild sedative.
No, thanks.
Are you sure, Niles?
Dr. Ling went to Duke.
(phone rings)
Hello?
Can I ask who's calling?
Just a minute, please.
It's Maris.
Do you want me to make up
an excuse?
No, that's okay,
I'll talk to her.
Thank you.
Hello?
Well, yes. How did you hear?
Ah... Jaime is a bit
of a gossip.
Luckily,
they discovered the blockage
before I had a major event.
Well, thank you.
That wasn't the nurse,
that was my wife.
Yes. Daphne.
We were married
a couple of months ago.
.
No, well, uh, that's not really my fault
you didn't know
Sounds to me like your argument
is with Jaime.
Well, if it makes you
feel any better,
we didn't invite anyone.
Dr. Ling...
Uh-huh. Uh-huh
Yes, of course we invited him,
he's my brother.
Yes: Williams-Sonoma
and Tiffany's.
Keep it coming.
Now, in just a few moments,
we'll be ready to wheel you down to the O.R.
He'll receive general anesthesia
once he's on
the operating table.
Now, if you'd like to follow
along in your handouts,
I could take you through
the first steps
of the procedure.
The doctor explained everything
to us yesterday.
Yes, but did he have
an mnemonic verse
that goes along to the tune
of "Camptown Races"?
Hello.
Ah...
Dr. Schafer,
I was just explaining
my brother's procedure
to my family.
I'll hand the floor
over to you.
Thank you...?
Frasier...Dr.Crane.
Oh, great.
Once you're under,
we'll begin by
inserting some tubes
to monitor your blood pressure
Then while one team harvests
the saphenous vein
from your right leg,
I'll be opening up your chest.
Excuse me, uh...
If I may, um...
wouldn't a mid-CAB
be less invasive?
I have done some research
into the matter
and I believe that is
the prevailing methodology.
Well, you may have read
about that in Reader's Digest,
but a mid-CAB is
only appropriate
for limited blockages.
My source is not
Reader's Digest.
It is a Harvard colleague.
Harvard being my alma mater.
Harvard!
,
Now, if I'm not mistaken
the blockage is in the left
anterior descending artery.
And the right coronary,
Look, in my expert opinion
I'm doing what's best for this patient.
And my expert opinion
says otherwise.
Well, if you're such an expert,
maybe you should perform
the surgery.
Maybe I should.
Dad.
Frasier, you are not operating
on your brother.
Suit yourself.
LING:
Maybe it would be best
if everyone stepped out
while Dr. Schafer
talks to the patient.
Mrs. Crane,
you're welcome to stay.
Niles, I'll...
I'll see you before
they wheel you in.
Well, I'll tell you one thing
about that Dr. Schafer's
people skills:
I am not a fan.
Oh, will you leave it alone?
You're being a big pain.
Yes, well, I happen
to know a thing or...
a thing or two
about bypass surgery.
He was totally
condescending to me.
He was just trying to
let you know who's in charge.
I'm sure, at the first sign of trouble,
he'll run right out here
to consult with you.
This is so weird.
24 hours ago,
we didn't even know anything
was wrong with Niles.
It just goes to show
you can't take a second
for granted.
Sure can't.
Can't take people for granted, either.
You just never know.
It's true.
That's why you should always
tell the people you love
just how much
they mean to you.
Well, I hope you guys know
how much I care about you.
Oh, geez, sure we do.
And we care about you, too, Roz.
Of course, Roz;
you're like family.
And, Dad...
I hope you know I love you
even at your most difficult.
Well, I love you, too, son,
even when you treat me
like a child.
Frasier bosses everyone around--
it's just his way.
Perhaps if people
behaved more competently,
I wouldn't be so bossy.
Maybe you wouldn't be so bossy
if you didn't always focus on how everybody else behaves.
That'd be the day.
Yes, well, maybe
that's because
human behavior is my profession.
n take a day off
once in a while.
No kidding.
Who asked you, Roz?
Niles is going off
to surgery soon.
Come and wish him well.
You know...
we really should tell her
how much
she means to us, too.
How are you feeling?
I'm a little woozy.
Maybe I should lie down.
Oh, now, Daphne, you know
all the important papers
are in my top
left-hand drawer...
DAPHNE:
Let's not talk
about that right now.
You just relax.
Okay, Daphne.
You know, Daphne, they do these
procedures hundreds of times.
I know
Okay. It's practically
routine, Daphne.
Why do you keep saying my name?
I just want to say it
as many times as I can.
Daphne.
What? Still in bed?
Look at this goldbrick
Well, if you're going to be loafing around all day,
you might as well
have something to read.
I know how you love
your Archies.
Thanks, Dad.
Oh, a Jughead Double Digest.
.
I'll be here waiting for you
I love you, son.
I love you, too.
Frasier.
I have a confession to make.
Hmm?
Remember when we were kids and
I was wearing your opera cape
and you pushed me
down the stairs?
Yes.
You didn't push me.
I jumped.
I was trying to fly
like a Valkyrie.
That's not important right now
The important thing is
that you get well, all right?
Dr. Crane, Mrs. Crane, it's that time.
Ooh.
Okay, we're going to need you
to slide over.
Boy, the hospital's an
interesting place, isn't it?
How so, Niles?
Oh
all roads lead to the hospital.
We're born here,
we get sick here,
and we get well here..
always these big, dramatic moments
and the hospital
just gobbles them up.
You think a hospital
has memories?
I bet it does.
I bet when I walked in,
it thought...
"Oh, you again.
"You're the little boy
who broke his leg in 1966.
Hello, old friend."
Wow, a talking hospital.
That would be cool.
When are these drugs
going to kick in?
I don't know
why I need surgery...
this is the best I've felt in years.
Easy... easy...
Daphne, Daphne, Daphne,
Okay, you ready to take
a little trip
I think he already is.
Can I just have a second?
Of course.
I'll be here
when you wake up.
Promise?
I promise.
What do you mean you
don't like Archie?
It's a riot.
You got your Jughead, your
Reggie, your Mr. Weatherbee.
Please, stop crying, Maris.
The doctor can always
cut off more next time.
I'll be here when you wake up.
Promise?
Promise.
MARTIN
: How come these places
never have any
magazines for men?
It's all hairdos
and recipes and butt exercises.
I was just thinking
about what Niles said
about the hospital
and the things
that happen here.
Oh, geez, would you
look at this:
"Ten Saucy Secrets
To Please Him In Bed."
You know damn well
there are only four.
The rest are just do-si-dos.
It's like the whole
tapestry of life
keeps replaying itself
within these walls.
I used to bust people
for that one.
You didn't hear a word
I said, did you?
Yeah, I did.
"Hospital...
tapestry of life."
Whoa, that's a nice kitchen.
.
You're a sentimental fool, Dad
Well, here he is.
Frasier, say hello
to your new brother.
I don't like him.
(chuckles)
Remember when you were little
and you convinced Niles
that we were all figments
of his imagination?
The whole world was just
in his mind?
I told him we disappeared
whenever he left the room.
For months afterwards,
he was always
darting into rooms
to make sure we were
all still there.
Scared the crap
out of me.
I was ready
to kill you.
What made you think of that?
I don't know.
Just thinking about Niles.
Well, he must be all right.
We're all still here.
I don't think I've ever
been this frightened
in my whole life.
Well, Daph, according
to my timetable,
Niles is probably
off the bypass pump by now.
All the blockages
have been bypassed
and the myocardium
is now receiving normal blood.
How come you
know all this,
but you're stumped by an electric
barbecue fork?
Because the human heart was not
designed by some idiot in Japan.
You know, Frasier,
maybe now's not the perfect time to go into detail.
It's all right, Roz.
You see, she knows.
Knowledge is our ally
against anxiety.
Which happens to be the theme
for today's Best of Crane
which is being broadcast
over the airwaves
right this moment.
Oh, yeah. They're piping it into the operating room
instead of using anesthesia.
Very funny, Roz.
Oh, I hope the doctors
have their earplugs in,
so they don't
fall asleep, too.
All right, we get it.
Seriously, if I was ever
going to rob a bank
and I wanted to knock out
the guards...
All right, Roz.
Hey, is that
a Chunky in there?
Looks like one.
It's been a long time
since I seen one of those.
What are they asking for it?
Looks like it's 85 cents.
Does it only take
the exact change?
Looks like there's
a dollar slot.
All I have is a ten.
Will it take a ten?
Get off your ass
and look.
They usually just take singles.
Anybody have a single?
How can you think
about eating now?
What would you rather
have me thinking about?
I'll get you some change.
Oh, thanks, Roz.
I've been sitting
way too long, anyway.
Excuse me... Colleen.
Do you have any ones?
I think so.
Let me check.
Excuse me.
Can I help you?
Yes. There's something
wrong with my baby.
She has a little rash
on her cheek.
I looked in the book
and I don't think
it's chickenpox.
But it does look
a little like scarlet fever.
Is this your first child?
Yes. Why?
I think
this is lipstick.
Would a five help?
No, I'm afraid I need ones.
Oh, thank God.
Oh, look at that.
That's probably
how it happened.
Thank you.
Colleen, I won't forget you.
I'm sorry.
All I've got are fives.
Oh, thanks, anyway.
Do I know you?
I don't think so.
Are you sure?
Trust me, I'm really good with faces. Thanks.
Mrs. Crane?
Yes?
Your husband's
doing well.
He's off the pump
and his heart is
beating on its own.
FRASIER:
How's his blood pressure?
100/60.
Could be better.
Did you thoroughly suction
the cardioplegic solution?
You see, I'm a doctor.
Oh, yes, Dr. Schafer told me
about you.
He said if you started
asking me questions,
I should do this.
Oh, I get it.
Very nice.
Well, that's
good news, right?
Oh, yeah, great.
They didn't have
any change.
Oh, shoot.
What you reading, Daph?
I have no idea.
I must have read
the same paragraph ten times.
I don't know how
you're getting through this.
Well, it's not like the old days
when heart surgery
was a big thing.
Nowadays, they
do it so much,
it's like going in for a haircut.
You read the paper and
wait till he's done.
But aren't you scared?
Uh, I wonder if that
guy has a dollar.
I bet he does.
Excuse me.
Oh, no!
What, Daph?
I don't believe this.
Excuse me.
What?
I was supposed to bring
Niles's cell phone
in case any of his
patients called
so I could refer them
to Dr. Wells.
Now, I'm going to be calling
his stupid cell phone
every two minutes
to check his mailbox.
Here, let's use
my cell phone, all right?
We can take turns calling.
He asked me to do
this one simple thing
and I forgot.
I'm such an idiot.
Don't go beating yourself up.
You didn't do
anything wrong.
Come on.
I'll dial first.
Now, look, Niles,
as far as Dad knows
I had nothing to do
with your leg breaking, right?
You pushed me.
Yes, and in exchange
for your silence,
you'll get ten
of my records.
Any ones you want.
Even the Shostakovich?
Not that one.
Then forget it.
Okay, fine.
Sign here
and initial here.
You still in bed, Mr. Lazybones?
If you're going to lie around all day
I got you something to read.
The Charterhouse of Parma?
Better. Archie.
Well, hello, Chunky.
I beg your pardon?
Got some change.
Congratulations.
Hey, is that
a Marathon bar?
Oh, geez, now I don't know
what to get.
You should go with your
first instinct, Dad.
I haven't had
a Marathon bar in years.
All right, then
get a Marathon bar.
Come to think of it,
I think they quit making
Marathons back in the '80s.
Then you should get a Chunky.
Uh, although...
I kind of want
to get a Marathon bar
just to see what
it looks like
on the inside.
All right,
just get the Chunky!
All right.
Hey!
What?
It's stuck!
Oh, great,
you had to have Chunky!
Oh, fine! All right!
I'll get it!
What is going on?
We have a stuck Chunky.
Why did Chunky
stick his arm in there?
Not me, the candy.
Oh, I give up.
Don't worry, Martin.
I'll stop by tomorrow
and get us some Godiva.
But I want my Chunky.
Excuse me.
Chunky, was it?
Oh, oh, Daphne.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Everything's going
to be fine.
Do I need to call security here?
Uh, no, it's all right.
I'm sorry about this.
Kind of a tough time.
All right, but keep
this area clear
until I can get it cleaned up.
Right. And we'll pay for this.
I already paid for this.
Daphne, I know
you're in hell right now,
but in just about
20 minutes,
comes the disconnecting
of the ventilator
and the extubation.
You can see it all
in the diagram
on page 24-C.
He's not a diagram!
He's my husband
and he's on a table
with his chest cut open!
I'm sorry if I can't handle
this as well as the rest of you,
but I'm terrified!
Daphne, it's okay.
Just calm down.
When all this is over...
There is no
"when this is over"!
There's no tomorrow,
no next week, no next year!
There's nothing until
he comes out of there
and I know he's okay!
Daphne...
Why don't you sit down, son?
Nobody meant anything.
It's hard as hell for
all of us to be here.
I know. It's just...
I hate hospitals.
I hate them.
I hate all of this.
I know.
.
I'm afraid your wife's X rays don't look good
Waiting is the hardest part.
Niles...
you did great.
The doctor said
it went even better
than he expected.
I'm so proud of you.
He'll be out all night.
Why don't you get
something to eat?
I'll be here
when you wake up.
Say hello to your new sister.
Look, she's smiling at you.
♪♪ Hey, baby,
I hear the blues a-calling ♪
♪
♪♪ Tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪♪
♪♪ Oh, my ♪♪
♪♪ And maybe I seem
a bit confused ♪♪
♪♪ Well, maybe,
but I got you pegged ♪♪
(laughs)
♪♪ But I don'’’t know what to do
♪♪
♪♪ With those tossed salad
s and scrambled eggs ♪♪
♪♪ They'’’re calling again
. ♪♪
Thank you!