Frasier (1993–2004): Season 10, Episode 20 - Farewell, Nervosa - full transcript

Which not only helps
in the healing process,

but also provides one with
the confidence to go forward

in spite of the fear this
kind of trauma can cause.

Honestly, I can't say enough

about these new
medicated bandage strips.

But thanks for asking, Jordan.

Up next is the stock market
report with Julia Wilcox.

( knocking)

Hello, Avery. Impeccable timing.

Good to see you, Frasier.

Yes, hello.



Ooh, careful, careful, careful.

Paper cut.

Yes, I caught the last
half hour of your show.

Oh, Roz, come and meet
an old friend of mine...

Avery McManus.

This is Roz Doyle, my producer.

Lovely to meet you.

Same here.

Avery and I used to live

across the hall from
each other back at Oxford.

Now he lives in Seattle.

A very accomplished accountant

who's going to take
me on as a client.

Well, my taxes could
use some serious doing.



FRASIER: Roz, he's married.

I'll tell you what:

I'll be back in about an hour to
go over this month's "Best Of."

Oh, I don't think an hour

is going to be long
enough, Frasier.

Your finances are a mess.

Your spending's out of control.

Well, that's impossible.

I'm very prudent.

Then what about this $9,000
caviar bill for last month?

And what's with you and wine?

I had to take on an associate

just to go through
your sherry receipts.

And then... Gosh, you know,

I've completely
forgotten myself.

How is Amanda?

I don't believe I've seen
her since the wedding.

Amanda's great.
She made partner.

Oh.

Okay, everybody,

the I'm a Pathetic
Loser Show is over.

My listeners are
not pathetic losers.

I wasn't referring
to your listeners.

You're Julia Wilcox.

Yes, I am.

You wrote, Practical
Applications of Econometrics.

Yes, I did.

I love that book.

Avery McManus.

Oh, it's a pleasure
to meet a fan, Avery.

A fan is someone
who enjoys your work.

Yes. And do you know
what they call someone

who can't stand your work?

In your case, the public.

She was supposed to say "what?"

And I was going to say "me."

Oh, come on,
let's get out of here.

Ow! How come you
only rub where it hurts?

Your sons hired me to torture
you, so that's what I'm doing.

Ow! Oh, Eddie,

Daddy's in trouble. Sic her.

Okay, all done, old man.

And I hope you got your
griping out of your system

because I need you to be

Why? on your best
behavior next time.

Because the agency won't
assign me any new clients

until an evaluator
observes me at work.

Oh, geez, I don't want to go on
display like some trained seal.

Please?

I'll give you some treats.

Treats, huh?

Okay.

Hey, Fras. How was
your trip to the accountant?

Fine.

Fine. Uh... why are
all these lights on?

All right, I'll be
honest with you.

Avery had some very
stern warnings for me.

The situation
isn't dire, but it...

it could become serious
if I don't change my ways.

Well, that doesn't
sound too tough.

You could get balcony
seats at the opera.

And stop throwing
away your change.

Oh, that was one time.

And if you had seen
that cashier's fingernails,

you'd have done the same thing.

All right, the point is, I just
have to come up with a plan.

A plan... Perhaps
a ruminative latte

would do me some
good at Nervosa.

What? You just had a
whole new espresso machine

shipped here from Italy.

Yes, well, I'm
waiting for the cups.

Besides, Nervosa is more to
me than just a place for coffee.

It's my refuge, my... my
sanctuary for contemplation.

Oh... oh... I've just
had a cost-saving idea.

Daphne, you're family now,

and yet I still pay you
full-price for Dad's therapy.

All right, I'll keep
thinking. Off I go.

This happens every time
you hire a new accountant.

You let their fear get to you.

But remember, it's Avery's
job to worry about your finances,

not yours.

Yes, of course it
is, of course it is.

He's the professional.

Thanks so much, Niles.

That's really quite helpful.

I feel better now.

Excuse me, change
my shortbread order

to a tarte tatin.

And one for my brother,
please; a la mode.

He's back.

( amplified guitar plays)

You ready for some
more music, Seattle?

( cheers and applause)

Great.

( music stops)

( all groan)

I quite agree.

I am sorry, young man.

If we wanted to hear your music,

we would attend
one of your concerts

in the bus station.

Well, people seem to like it.

Here they clap along,

and it's been enough

to keep me out of
the three-piece-cage.

The what?

The suit, man, the suit.

Excuse me, is there a problem?

Well, yes, as a
matter of fact there is.

This man is making
it impossible for me

to converse with my brother.

I think he's great.

Ah...

I understand.

You two are friends.

Perhaps you used to gig
together in your salad days.

But, if you wish to alter

the atmosphere of this cafe,

I suggest you
consult with the owner.

I am the owner. Oh, really?

Well, I'm Frasier
Crane. It's a pleasure.

Maureen Nervosa.

Really?

Well, I happen to be

one of your core
customers, Miss Nervosa.

In fact, I spend over
$3,000 a year here.

Which I just found out today.

NILES: Frasier...

people are starting to stare.

Let's just come back
tomorrow afternoon

when the cafe's quieter.

Actually, Ben will be playing
afternoons from now on.

Really? Well, you know,
I... I would think about that.

I mean, although we do
adore your establishment,

if there is one thing
we can find in Seattle,

it is another coffee shop.

Yeah, but not many of them

will let you change
in the men's room.

Now, I don't relish

the idea of asking you this,

but I'm afraid you
will have to choose...

I choose Ben.

I see.

Well...

Farewell, Nervosa.

It's been a splendid decade,

but I'm afraid your brew
has become a bit too bold

for my brother and me.

Come, Niles, let's go.

But I don't want to go.

Nervosa is my haven, my cocoon.

BEN: This next one's
called "The Wild Rover."

( strums guitar)

( applause)

♪ I've been a wild
rover for many a year ♪

♪ And I spent all me money
on whiskey and beer ♪

♪ And now I'm returning ♪

♪ With gold in great store ♪

♪ I never will play the
wild rover no more ♪

♪ And it's no, nay, never ♪

♪ No, nay, never no more... ♪

My name is Frasier.

This is my brother Niles.

We're thinking of making
this our regular haunt.

Way to go.

We'll have two
espressos, please.

I'm sorry, and your name is?

Steve.

Steven. Outstanding.

Just Steve.

Steve.

I look forward to years
of this sort of lively banter.

They found a way to
bring the charm of an airport

to a midtown location.

Now, Niles, let's
try to be positive.

This may be our new home.

Yes. This will do nicely.

This will be our regular table.

And that will be our
backup regular table.

Oh, perhaps we
should keep looking.

Hello, Julia.

Hello, Frasier.

Wow. Who's this,
your stunt double?

This is my brother Niles.

Niles, I'd like you to meet
my colleague Julia Wilcox.

How do you do?

Oh, that's very good, Frasier.

I didn't even see
your lips move.

So I thought you
always go to Nervosa.

Well, sadly, no more.

They've hired a terribly
annoying folksinger,

whose hideous noisemaking

has made it impossible for
me to enjoy my one sanctuary.

I didn't ask for
your life story.

Steve, I'm afraid we'll be
taking these to go, thank you.

Glad to hear it.

Good-bye, Frasier.

Good-bye, Emergency Frasier.

I don't like her.

I don't like her cafe anymore.

Let's go. Ah, thank you, Steve.

I'm sorry to have
to tell you this,

but I'm afraid my brother and I

will not be the
everyday stalwarts

I'd predicted we'd be.

Damn.

Every time I open my heart.

You know, Avery was
always a bit of a playboy.

But, honestly, I thought
marriage would settle him down.

I should just tell
Julia that he's married.

Then again, she's
been so rude to me.

Why should I do
something nice for her?

But, then again, can
I just stand idly by

and keep my mouth shut?

I can answer that one.

Doesn't he wear a ring? No.

But I know he has one.

I was at the wedding.

Dad, you see I'm facing a
perplexing dilemma here.

Some guidance would be welcome.

No, it wouldn't.

You always ask for my opinion
and then completely ignore it.

Well, this time,
while I've got the floor,

I'm going to talk about
what I want to talk about:

NBA referees need to
enforce the traveling rule.

It's dribble, one step, shoot.

Not dribble, step,
step, step, step, shoot.

Thank you.

That was very helpful.

I guess I'll just do
what I always do:

sort through this myself.

All right, I'm off to Nervosa.

No, I'm off to that other place
where young Steve works.

No...

that's Avery and Julia's place.

Well, I hope you're
both satisfied.

Now I don't know
where the hell I'm going.

I'm hashing over
an ethical dilemma,

so I think I could use
some black coffee.

What size would you like?

Um... I've got a lot to
ponder, so I think a large.

I'm afraid we don't
have large, sir.

We have piccolo, macho,
mucho, and mucho macho.

I see. Uh...

Do you happen to know what size

would correspond
to a Nervosa grande?

No. But our mucho is about
the same as the semi-colossal

over at Don't Spill The Beans.

Ah, ah...

all right, I know
that their colossal

is comparable to
a Nervosa grande,

so the semi-colossal would
be three-quarters of a colossal.

So the...

mucho and the semi-colossal
would be equivalent,

so I should have
the mucho macho.

But only fill it five-eighths.

Yes, sir.

For 50 cents extra, we
can pre-heat the vessel.

No. Can we just move
this along, please?

I understand completely.

Your zip code, sir?

( whispering): You don't have to
give your real zip if you don't want to.

Then what's the point?

It unlocks the cash register.

Put in whatever code you wish.

Here we are.

Now, I'd just like
a cup of coffee

and a quiet place to drink it.

Can do, sir.

Okay, here's your change.

You're number four.

I'll bring it to your beanbag.

Now, you have a bullet

lodged in your hip, correct?

Do I?

Oh! That's right, I do.

Sometimes I forget, the
way Daphne takes care of me.

She's the best.

All right.

And how would you rate your
level of comfort during therapy?

Oh, I don't think you could come
up with a number high enough,

so I'll just say... 30.

( phone ringing)

Sorry.

Oh, it's my nanny.

Well, not my nanny.

Wouldn't that be something?

Do you mind?

No. Please go ahead.

Hi.

What are you doing?

What do you think?

I'm making you look good.

Yeah? Well, stop it.

My work speaks for itself.

Oh, Daphne, I love you,

but sometimes
you can be so naive.

Sure, you're good at the job,

but you need a
little salesmanship.

That's why I'm here.

If you so much as...

Sorry about that.

Suzie got stuck in the
laundry chute again.

Oh, poor thing.

How old is she?

What's the difference?

After tomorrow, she's
not our nanny anymore.

All right. Shall
we begin, Martin?

Are you kidding?

This is my favorite
part of the day.

( groans)

Whenever you're ready, Daphne.

First I like to start

with some simple
range of motion exercises

to warm up the muscles.

Oh! Am I on a cloud?

'Cause that's how it
feels, like I'm on a cloud.

Then some strokes
around the flexor,

smoothing out any knots.

Do you feel any
discomfort, Martin?

Discomfort?

Try disbelief.

I don't know how she does it.

You know, physical therapy
shouldn't be a pleasure trip.

It is challenging, healing work.

You really need to be digging
into the muscles there, Daphne.

Yeah.

Let me show you.

Ah!

That's digging, all right.

Oh, it's not so bad.

I think you've just been
pampered a little too long, huh?

Whoa!

That is the sound of progress.

You think you
can work like this?

Watch me.

( cracks knuckles)

( whines)

You can stop checking the door.

Frasier swore he'd
never come back here.

I'm not worried about him.

Yes, we do have a
pact to boycott Nervosa,

but I only came in here
because I saw you sitting alone,

and I thought you
needed company.

Are you ready for
some more music?!

ALL: Yeah!

Oh, fudge. Time to go.

Why don't you like Ben?

He's really nice.

He was selling his CDs outside.

I got Abbey Road and the
soundtrack from Grease.

I'm going to need a little bit

of help with this one.

What about you,
sir? What about you?

Can you keep a
steady beat for me?

Sorry, no.

What do you think, Nervosa,
is he the man for the job?

( all cheer)

That's-that's...

He doesn't really
think you mean it!

Go!

If I do this, will
you take a break?

Yeah, I love breaks, yeah.

He says, "Yes"!

( cheering)

I'm sorry. Are you going
to stick with that 4/4 tempo?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you call that sort
of an andante feeling?

Just shake it, okay?

♪ Tie me kangaroo down, sport ♪

♪ Tie me kangaroo down ♪

♪ Tie me kangaroo down, sport ♪

♪ Tie me kangaroo down ♪

♪ Watch me wallaby feed, mate ♪

♪ Watch me wallaby feed ♪

♪ It's a dangerous breed, mate ♪

♪ Watch me wallaby feed ♪

All together now.

♪ Tie me kangaroo down, sport ♪

♪ Tie me kangaroo down ♪

♪ Tie me kangaroo down, sport ♪

♪ Tie me kangaroo down ♪

Egg solo!

Niles!

( music stops)

Oh, don't you run, you coward!

I'll be right back.

By the way, ten dollars

is still the best price
for Quadrophenia!

Well, well, look who's here.

I thought you were
Nervosa non grata.

I had no place else to go.

Would you like your usual?

More than you
could possibly know.

This is a song that I wrote

about doing the right thing.

Oh, Lord.

I'm going to need that to go.

I think we always
know in our hearts

what the right thing is,

but we don't always
have the courage to do it.

In my case,

I knew this guy

what was playing
around with a woman.

But what she didn't know
was he already had a girlfriend.

Anyway, I was the only
one what knew the facts,

but what was I to do?

Tell the guy to back off?

Tell the girl that she
was dating a sleaze?

So I thought and I thought,
and here's what I done.

( snapping sound)

Oh, what a drag.
I broke a string.

Anyway, I'll be
back in a moment.

Excuse me. Excuse me. What?

What happened?

What?

In the song, what happened?

I have to think all
the way through it.

Eh, eh...

"I knew a guy who
had a wandering eye..."

Yes, yes, we know that part.

What next?

"He met a lady,
he told her a lie."

Right, right. And then?

Chorus... repeat chorus.

The end! How did it end?!

♪ San Antonio blues! ♪

( pounding on door)
I said I'm coming!

Frasier, what can I do for you?

Avery, we need to talk.

I'm a little busy at the moment.

I'm sorry. It can't wait.

I know about you
and Julia Wilcox.

I have no idea
what... Oh, stop that!

You are a married man.

I realize this may be
fun and games to you,

but she could get hurt.

This is really not a good time.

And why the hell not?

JULIA: Because
I'm in the closet.

Uh... I had no idea.

I didn't mean for you
to overhear... What?

That Avery's married?

I already know.

You do?

We're having an
affair, you idiot.

Oh.

Well, I'm sorry.

I thought I was helping you.

Are you finished helping yet?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.

I am also finished thinking
that you and I owe each other

the loyalty of
professional kinship.

From this day forward,
we are merely coworkers,

cut-and-dried.

And as for you,

I am deducting my mileage
here as a business expense!

Unbelievable.

Are you all right?

Yeah. Yeah, he
was just trying to help

in his own heavy-handed way.

He was always
trying to be the hero.

You know, one
night, back at Oxford,

he crawled out onto a ledge

to rescue what turned
out to be a gargoyle.

( both chuckle)

( phone rings)

Ah! It's my wife.

Excuse me.

Hello.

Hello, darling.

I miss you, too.

Uh... not long.

When does the
alleged music start?

It doesn't. Ben quit.

Really? Why?

Ask him yourself. Hmm?

Well, well.

That's quite a sharp-looking
three-piece cage.

What happened?

Well, you know, I
don't really know.

Some little blond
doxy came in here

and hooked me up with a job

at the Pelham Bay Bank.

Have you got my check, old man?

In the back.

Would you like that
for here or to go?

For here. I'm staying.

Congratulations, Frasier.

You got your cafe back.

Whatever.

Say, Julia, wait.

Didn't you used
to be on the board

of the Pelham Bay Bank?

Want to know my bio?

Go to my website.

♪ Hey, baby, I hear
the blues a-calling ♪

♪ Tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪

♪ Oh, my ♪

♪ And maybe I
seem a bit confused ♪

♪ Well, maybe, but
I got you pegged ♪

( laughs)

♪ But I don't know what to do ♪

♪ With those tossed
salads and scrambled eggs ♪

♪ They're calling again. ♪

Good night, everybody!