Frasier (1993–2004): Season 1, Episode 11 - Death Becomes Him - full transcript
After he learns that a robust doctor his own age unexpectedly died, Frasier (Kelsey Grammer) irks his family and co-workers with his sudden concern for mortality. He is especially annoying when he drafts a will and makes arrangements for his own funeral.
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PARAMOUNT PICTURES
No, really, I've never
had a serious boyfriend.
No one's really been interested.
Men can be such pigs.
It's not that people
weren't trying to fix me up.
Back in Manchester,
me mum was steering me
towards Reginald
Glower, the butcher's son.
Pasty little thing...
Never did take to him.
I suppose I like my gents
more on the manly side.
Was that a little swan you made?
No, it was a B-52.
FRASIER: Well,
Dad's done it again.
That was Dr. Jennings'
office on the phone.
He skipped his
physical again today.
Why, that little devil.
No wonder he didn't
want me to go with him.
Frasier, you know Dad's
intense aversion to doctors.
You should have
seen that he got there.
Yes, well, I didn't
see you volunteering
to take him this afternoon.
Well, I couldn't.
I had my fear of
abandonment workshop today
and I've already
been a no-show twice.
Wait till your father gets here.
I'll give him such
a piece of my mind.
If only we had
some way of knowing
when he was about to arrive.
Hey!
How you doing, boy?
Yeah, I'm glad to see you, too.
So, how was your exam today?
Ah, you know those
things... Pretty routine.
E.K.G.?
Perfect.
Blood pressure?
Textbook.
Hope they took
a full blood panel.
Oh, yeah, I told them to
take two... they're small.
Oh, let's give a look.
Oh, look at this.
A nice big Band-Aid.
Nice try.
Ouch!
What'd you do that for?
Dr. Jennings' office called
to reschedule your appointment.
You never showed up today.
NILES: Dad, this is ludicrous.
Why do you keep
avoiding the doctor?
Because I feel fine.
I'll go to the doctor
when I don't feel fine.
Besides, I don't
like Dr. Jennings.
He's got a model of
a colon on his desk.
He keeps his tongue
depressors in it.
All right, Dad, fine.
If you don't like him, why
don't you go to see my doctor?
She's one of the finest
gastroenterologists in this city.
She?
Oh, no, no, no way.
If a doctor's going
to have me bend over
I want to look through
my legs and see wing-tips.
DAPHNE: Now, now
we'll have none of that.
We women have been
poked and prodded
by male doctors for centuries.
I say it's high time you gents
went to see a doctor
of the opposite sex.
See how you like
waiting in that room
sitting there all
naked and helpless
and goose-bumpy.
Niles, surely you could
recommend someone.
Niles!
I'm sorry, my mind
was somewhere else.
Oh, I know who you should see.
Dr. Gary Newman.
His office is in my building.
He has a very
successful practice.
I saw a Liechtenstein
hanging in his office.
Ooh, a Liechtenstein?
He sounds perfect.
All right, all right, I'll
make an appointment
and I'll go see him.
Oh, now, just hang on
a second there, mister.
I will make the arrangements
and I will escort you personally.
Wonderful, I can't wait.
Oh, stop grumbling.
It won't be so bad.
Well, unless you have to
parade around the office
in one of those gowns
where your little bum
peeks through the back.
So, Niles, what's
Dr. Newman's number?
Niles... Niles!
I'm sorry, I must
have drifted off again.
My appointment was
supposed to be half an hour ago.
How much longer we
going to wait for this guy?
Come on, Frasier,
let's get out of here.
Dad, just relax.
Read a magazine.
Oh, here, here...
Take the Cosmo quiz.
"Are your nipples sensitive?"
Dad, would you mind
doing that quietly?
It's not an oral exam.
You haven't seen
the second question.
Did you used to keep your
patients waiting like this?
Oh, just the compulsives.
It was part of their therapy.
Relax, I'll take care of it.
Yes, my father, Martin Crane
had an appointment
30 minutes ago.
Yes, I'm sorry.
The doctor's running
a little late this morning
but you'll be first
up when he gets in.
When he gets in?
My god, where's he
coming from, Spokane?
Actually, it's a long drive in
from his weekend
house in Lake Chelan.
Lake Chelan? Ooh!
This guy must be terrific.
So?
Dad, relax, he'll
be here any minute.
You know, Dad, I was just
struck by one of life's little ironies.
I remember you
taking me to the doctor
and now here I am taking you.
Yeah, I remember when I took
you for your first tetanus shot.
You were about five or six.
Oh, boy, was I scared.
I remember you holding my hand.
Yeah, you bent over that
table, dropped your little drawers.
When the nurse gave you the
shot, you took your mind off it
by reciting the names
of all of Puccini's operas.
Right then, I knew
you'd never be a cop.
Look, I'm serious.
I'm not staying
any longer. Let's go.
All right, Dad.
Look, I'll check and see
if there's someone
substituting for him.
What are you here for?
Oh, lately, I've been having
this overall sluggish feeling.
It's hard even getting
out of bed in the morning.
Not to mention the cold weather.
It's really making
my joints hurt.
I've started to notice
flaking spots on my skin.
What about you?
I have sensitive nipples.
Dad, I'm afraid the
doctor won't be able
to make your appointment today.
Oh, that's just great.
These bigshot doctors, they
keep you waiting for an hour
and then they don't have
the decency to show up.
What, play a little slow
on the golf course today?
That arrogant,
inconsiderate jerk.
Dad, Dad, Dad.
Dr. Newman is dead.
He died an hour ago.
I'm sure he was a good man.
I mean, there he is, walking
down his walkway this morning
and he bends over to pick
up his newspaper, and bang!
He drops dead of a heart attack.
God, you know, I pick up
my newspaper every day
and the Sunday
Times is very heavy.
I'm thinking of canceling.
Well, these things happen.
"These things happen"?
Roz, how can you say that?
My god, this was not an old man.
He was my age.
What am I supposed to say?
I guess I just don't think
about these things like you do.
Maybe it's because
you're 41 and I'm... not.
Don't you ever think
about your own mortality?
Don't you ever
think about dying?
Well, not me dying.
But you know what I
have thought about lately?
I've been dating this
older guy and what if...?
You know...
We were in bed together
and he dropped dead.
Well, it's not out of
the realm of possibility.
Sometimes he starts
breathing really funny
and I don't know if
he's having a good time
or if I've just overexcited
him to some dangerous level.
Someone certainly has a
very high opinion of herself.
Everybody's good at something.
Roz, why is it that
every time we try to have
a serious discussion, we end
up talking about your sex life?
Because I have one.
( footsteps)
Niles, thank you so much for
coming on such short notice.
Hello, Dad, Daphne.
Hello, Dr. Crane.
Yes, I came as soon as I could.
I was in the middle
of my workout
but I can always
pump iron later.
Well, I'll just pop into the
kitchen and fix us a snack.
Pump iron.
Niles, you don't even
pump your own gas.
All right, all right.
Now, what's all this nonsense
about getting your affairs in order?
Well, this Dr. Newman
dying at such a young age
really threw me for a loop.
And, well, I was
trying to figure out why
and I finally realized
that I hadn't made
the proper provisions
for my own death.
Here we go.
Oh, here, allow me.
Oh, thanks.
FRASIER: Now, first
the pertinent information.
I've prepared copies
for each of you.
The location and numbers
of my bank accounts
my safety deposit keys
the number for my attorney...
Niles, what are you doing?
Oh, give me that!
I loosened it for him.
Now, the distribution of
my personal possessions.
Oh, I really think this is
a matter for family only.
No, no, Daphne, please
I'd like you to stay.
I'll come to you later.
Dad, Niles, I'd like
you to put your names
on these stickers
and place them on
any of the objects
that you would like
bequeathed to you.
This is crazy. I'm
not going to start
putting my name on your stuff.
Dad, what happens
if I die tomorrow
and you and Niles end up
in an argument over that...
well, that African
mask, for instance?
It'll never happen.
Niles, you can have it.
I don't want it.
Well, don't look at me.
I throw a towel over that
thing when you're not home.
Okay, fine.
Well, now we come
to the issue of...
my remains.
Oh, jeez. Well, I've
arranged every detail
here in this
easy-to-read binder.
Oh, this is taking it too far.
Will you look at this?
Burial...
casket...
caterers?
Who are you using?
Michaelson's.
Oh, they're very good.
Excellent, excellent.
Bow tie pasta...
asparagus tips...
MARTIN: Excuse me.
Excuse me!
Are we about done?
Well, there is just one
more duck to put in the row.
I've done some research
and I've discovered
that most unexpected
deaths occur in the home
and Daphne, this is
where you come in.
The actual finding of the body.
Oh, save the best
part for me, eh?
Well, that's all right.
I'm a health care provider.
I've had my fair share
of patients die on me.
That's a comfort.
Well, perhaps you're right.
Maybe we should
just drop the subject.
Thank you. This meeting has
actually made me feel better.
I think I can handle my
mortality a bit better now.
Well, enough talk about death.
Let's celebrate life
with a bottle of
Chateau Certan '75.
Oh, no, not the '75.
I can't let you do that.
That's far too good
for the likes of us.
Well... you know, perhaps
a Beaujolais Nouveau
would be more appropriate.
Yes.
( door opens)
MARTIN: Eddie?
Oh, there you are.
Come on, boy.
Frasier, what are
you still doing up?
Frasier!
Dad, please, shh.
I'm trying to listen
to my heartbeat.
Amazing thing, the human heart.
It can pump 1,800 gallons of
blood through it each and every day
but just the tiniest
tear in the tiniest part
of the tiniest artery
and poof, you're gone.
I thought you were all
okay about this stuff now.
Oh, so did I.
What is the matter with me?
I thought that putting
my affairs in order
would help me to
deal with this thing
but it hasn't.
I can't seem to
get over the feeling
that no matter how
remote the possibility
something could happen to me.
Jeez, I'd miss so much.
I'd never get to see my
son hit his first home run.
That'd be a terrible
thing for a father to miss.
Tell me about it.
Look, son.
Let me tell you something.
There was this time a while back
seven or eight of us
were on this drug bust.
We got the order to go
through the front door
and the first guy took one.
He was dead before
he hit the ground.
When you're a cop
you've got to be able
to handle things like that,
but I just couldn't get over it.
Every time I had
to go in a blind alley
or in a dark
building, I just froze.
And I knew if I kept
being afraid to die
I'd never be able to do my job.
So what did you do?
I forced myself
to forget about it.
Just like that?
Just like that.
Next time I came
to one of those doors,
I went right through it.
The fact that I got shot in the
hip was purely coincidental.
You were this close to
helping me there, Dad.
Look, Frasier, just
because some doctor dies
doesn't mean
you're going to die.
Yeah, but he was just like me.
Highly educated, sophisticated
at the top of his profession.
I saw a picture of him in a medical
journal... he even looked like me.
Same determined
chin, sweater vest
and ever so slightly
receding hairline.
Well, what do you
know about this guy?
You don't even know
his medical history.
Jeez, actually you're on
to something there, Dad.
Yeah, yeah.
For all I know, he could
have had high blood pressure
popped pills, drank like a fish.
There you go. Could've
been any of those things.
Well, I'm going to find out
what caused his heart attack.
That's the only way I can
disassociate myself from him.
There's got to be some
reasonable explanation.
That's great, Dad.
Actually, I do feel
better now, thanks.
Uh, Frasier, you got
something on your bathrobe.
"Niles."
The vultures are circling.
Come on, Eddie.
( quiet knocking at door)
Hello.
Hello!
I called earlier.
Someone said that Mrs.
Newman would be here.
Oh, oh, of course,
please, come in.
I'm Allen Freedman.
Gary was my cousin.
Dr. Frasier Crane.
My sincerest condolences.
So, I didn't think
Mrs. Newman would have company.
Oh, well, the family
is sitting Shiva.
Excuse me.
You're not Jewish, are you?
It's our version of a wake.
Oh, oh, yes, oh, of course.
I didn't realize that
Gary was Jewish.
You're kidding?
Well, uh, no, no.
Well, you know, we
were pretty close friends
spent a lot of time together...
Well, never on Friday
nights of course, but...
You know, maybe...
maybe I should come
back another time.
No, no, please. I'm sure that
Jill would love to know you came.
She's right over there.
FRASIER: Oh, she looks busy.
Well, I can wait.
Of course... will you excuse me?
WOMAN: May I help you?
I didn't realize
that this was a mirror.
I thought maybe you were
having an unveiling later.
You're not Jewish, are you?
No, no, my ex-wife is, though,
and so then thus, my son is
which makes me sort of,
well, I guess you could say...
No, I'm not Jewish.
We always cover
mirrors at a Shiva
so those grieving
don't have to be concerned
with their own appearances.
Ah, well, you look very nice.
Oh, thank you.
It's been driving me crazy.
I'm Bobbie, Gary's aunt.
Dr. Frasier Crane, my
deepest sympathies.
You're the doctor
with the radio show
aren't you? Yes, yes.
Did you know Gary well?
Well, yes, yes. Yes, I did.
Well, of course, there
was so much more
I wanted to know about the man.
You see, I... well,
oh, I don't know...
How was his health
before he died?
Excellent, he was never sick.
History of heart disease?
Oh, no.
High blood pressure? No.
High cholesterol? No.
Do you know what his HDL
was in comparison to his LDL?
No.
I'm sorry, I'm asking
too many questions.
You know how doctors are.
We're just always
looking for the answers
to the mysteries of life.
Oh, Gail.
Aunt Bobbie.
I know, I know.
Gail, I'd like you to
meet a friend of Gary's.
Dr. Frasier Crane.
Dr. Crane? From the radio?
Yes, I'm sorry for your loss.
I love your show.
Oh, I'm sorry about this.
It's just, uh, when I went
to pick up this linzer torte
I thought of Gary and...
So Gary had a fondness
for fattening desserts, did he?
You didn't know Gary
very well, did you?
If he knew I brought
this here, he'd kill me.
Yeah, Gary was a
total health fanatic.
A strict vegetarian.
I used to play basketball
with him every Sunday.
Oh, so he was sedentary all week
and then he was burning
up the court on Sundays.
Well, I mean, that can be
very straining on the heart.
No, he played at least
four times a week...
That is, when he wasn't
at the gym working out.
Gary was in phenomenal shape.
BOBBIE: He didn't smoke,
never touched caffeine.
Do you know, he had less
than 10% body fat on him?
My goodness, has anybody
checked to see if he's really dead?
I'm sure they did check.
Those people are very thorough.
Oh my, is that kugel?
Excuse me.
FRASIER: Mrs. Newman.
I'm Dr. Frasier Crane.
I was a friend of
your husband's.
Dr. Crane! From...
Yes, the radio.
Gary never mentioned you.
Well, we weren't
actually friends.
He had an office in
my brother's building.
And you took the time
to come down here.
His own partner didn't
even stay 15 minutes.
That's really sweet of you.
Well, actually, I...
There is a reason I
came to talk to you.
Which is?
It's about Gary.
About how he...
Yes?
Look, I'm sorry I bothered you.
I really just came to
offer my sympathies.
No, wait, um... Dr. Crane.
I listen to you
all the time and...
Well, maybe you could help me.
What would you tell someone
who called in the show
and said they can't get over
why someone died?
I keep running
this over and over
in my mind
and I just can't understand
how someone like Gary
who did everything
right, can just die.
I can't make any sense of it.
Mrs. Newman, I know
you'd like me to come up
with some grand
answer to this whole thing
but I don't have one.
Someone who consumes nothing
but cigarettes and cheeseburgers
all his life can live to be 83
and then someone who takes
care of himself can die at 41.
It's unfair.
Well, there's no
explanation for it.
Believe me, I've checked.
But I suppose the best we can do
is live for the little joys and
surprises that life affords us.
You can't spend your life
being obsessed with death.
You're not Jewish, are you?
No.
No, I'm not, but, um...
Well, thank you for
letting me be here today.
Oh, thank you for
coming, Dr. Crane.
Oh, Dr. Crane.
It was very nice what
you said about living life
for the little joys and
surprises it can give us.
Yes.
Thank you. Thank you.
If only I believed it myself.
Excuse me.
Um, this is clearly
the most inappropriate
thing I've ever done in my life
but I was watching
you and, um...
I don't know if I'll ever get
the chance to see you again
and something about
you tells me I'd like to.
If you'd like to get
together sometime
give me a call.
♪ Hey, baby, I hear
the blues a'callin' ♪
♪ Tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪
♪ Mercy ♪
♪ And maybe I
seem a bit confused ♪
♪ Yeah, maybe, but
I got you pegged ♪
( laughing)
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
♪ With those tossed
salads and scrambled eggs ♪
♪ They're callin' again ♪
♪ Frasier has
left the building. ♪
PARAMOUNT PICTURES
No, really, I've never
had a serious boyfriend.
No one's really been interested.
Men can be such pigs.
It's not that people
weren't trying to fix me up.
Back in Manchester,
me mum was steering me
towards Reginald
Glower, the butcher's son.
Pasty little thing...
Never did take to him.
I suppose I like my gents
more on the manly side.
Was that a little swan you made?
No, it was a B-52.
FRASIER: Well,
Dad's done it again.
That was Dr. Jennings'
office on the phone.
He skipped his
physical again today.
Why, that little devil.
No wonder he didn't
want me to go with him.
Frasier, you know Dad's
intense aversion to doctors.
You should have
seen that he got there.
Yes, well, I didn't
see you volunteering
to take him this afternoon.
Well, I couldn't.
I had my fear of
abandonment workshop today
and I've already
been a no-show twice.
Wait till your father gets here.
I'll give him such
a piece of my mind.
If only we had
some way of knowing
when he was about to arrive.
Hey!
How you doing, boy?
Yeah, I'm glad to see you, too.
So, how was your exam today?
Ah, you know those
things... Pretty routine.
E.K.G.?
Perfect.
Blood pressure?
Textbook.
Hope they took
a full blood panel.
Oh, yeah, I told them to
take two... they're small.
Oh, let's give a look.
Oh, look at this.
A nice big Band-Aid.
Nice try.
Ouch!
What'd you do that for?
Dr. Jennings' office called
to reschedule your appointment.
You never showed up today.
NILES: Dad, this is ludicrous.
Why do you keep
avoiding the doctor?
Because I feel fine.
I'll go to the doctor
when I don't feel fine.
Besides, I don't
like Dr. Jennings.
He's got a model of
a colon on his desk.
He keeps his tongue
depressors in it.
All right, Dad, fine.
If you don't like him, why
don't you go to see my doctor?
She's one of the finest
gastroenterologists in this city.
She?
Oh, no, no, no way.
If a doctor's going
to have me bend over
I want to look through
my legs and see wing-tips.
DAPHNE: Now, now
we'll have none of that.
We women have been
poked and prodded
by male doctors for centuries.
I say it's high time you gents
went to see a doctor
of the opposite sex.
See how you like
waiting in that room
sitting there all
naked and helpless
and goose-bumpy.
Niles, surely you could
recommend someone.
Niles!
I'm sorry, my mind
was somewhere else.
Oh, I know who you should see.
Dr. Gary Newman.
His office is in my building.
He has a very
successful practice.
I saw a Liechtenstein
hanging in his office.
Ooh, a Liechtenstein?
He sounds perfect.
All right, all right, I'll
make an appointment
and I'll go see him.
Oh, now, just hang on
a second there, mister.
I will make the arrangements
and I will escort you personally.
Wonderful, I can't wait.
Oh, stop grumbling.
It won't be so bad.
Well, unless you have to
parade around the office
in one of those gowns
where your little bum
peeks through the back.
So, Niles, what's
Dr. Newman's number?
Niles... Niles!
I'm sorry, I must
have drifted off again.
My appointment was
supposed to be half an hour ago.
How much longer we
going to wait for this guy?
Come on, Frasier,
let's get out of here.
Dad, just relax.
Read a magazine.
Oh, here, here...
Take the Cosmo quiz.
"Are your nipples sensitive?"
Dad, would you mind
doing that quietly?
It's not an oral exam.
You haven't seen
the second question.
Did you used to keep your
patients waiting like this?
Oh, just the compulsives.
It was part of their therapy.
Relax, I'll take care of it.
Yes, my father, Martin Crane
had an appointment
30 minutes ago.
Yes, I'm sorry.
The doctor's running
a little late this morning
but you'll be first
up when he gets in.
When he gets in?
My god, where's he
coming from, Spokane?
Actually, it's a long drive in
from his weekend
house in Lake Chelan.
Lake Chelan? Ooh!
This guy must be terrific.
So?
Dad, relax, he'll
be here any minute.
You know, Dad, I was just
struck by one of life's little ironies.
I remember you
taking me to the doctor
and now here I am taking you.
Yeah, I remember when I took
you for your first tetanus shot.
You were about five or six.
Oh, boy, was I scared.
I remember you holding my hand.
Yeah, you bent over that
table, dropped your little drawers.
When the nurse gave you the
shot, you took your mind off it
by reciting the names
of all of Puccini's operas.
Right then, I knew
you'd never be a cop.
Look, I'm serious.
I'm not staying
any longer. Let's go.
All right, Dad.
Look, I'll check and see
if there's someone
substituting for him.
What are you here for?
Oh, lately, I've been having
this overall sluggish feeling.
It's hard even getting
out of bed in the morning.
Not to mention the cold weather.
It's really making
my joints hurt.
I've started to notice
flaking spots on my skin.
What about you?
I have sensitive nipples.
Dad, I'm afraid the
doctor won't be able
to make your appointment today.
Oh, that's just great.
These bigshot doctors, they
keep you waiting for an hour
and then they don't have
the decency to show up.
What, play a little slow
on the golf course today?
That arrogant,
inconsiderate jerk.
Dad, Dad, Dad.
Dr. Newman is dead.
He died an hour ago.
I'm sure he was a good man.
I mean, there he is, walking
down his walkway this morning
and he bends over to pick
up his newspaper, and bang!
He drops dead of a heart attack.
God, you know, I pick up
my newspaper every day
and the Sunday
Times is very heavy.
I'm thinking of canceling.
Well, these things happen.
"These things happen"?
Roz, how can you say that?
My god, this was not an old man.
He was my age.
What am I supposed to say?
I guess I just don't think
about these things like you do.
Maybe it's because
you're 41 and I'm... not.
Don't you ever think
about your own mortality?
Don't you ever
think about dying?
Well, not me dying.
But you know what I
have thought about lately?
I've been dating this
older guy and what if...?
You know...
We were in bed together
and he dropped dead.
Well, it's not out of
the realm of possibility.
Sometimes he starts
breathing really funny
and I don't know if
he's having a good time
or if I've just overexcited
him to some dangerous level.
Someone certainly has a
very high opinion of herself.
Everybody's good at something.
Roz, why is it that
every time we try to have
a serious discussion, we end
up talking about your sex life?
Because I have one.
( footsteps)
Niles, thank you so much for
coming on such short notice.
Hello, Dad, Daphne.
Hello, Dr. Crane.
Yes, I came as soon as I could.
I was in the middle
of my workout
but I can always
pump iron later.
Well, I'll just pop into the
kitchen and fix us a snack.
Pump iron.
Niles, you don't even
pump your own gas.
All right, all right.
Now, what's all this nonsense
about getting your affairs in order?
Well, this Dr. Newman
dying at such a young age
really threw me for a loop.
And, well, I was
trying to figure out why
and I finally realized
that I hadn't made
the proper provisions
for my own death.
Here we go.
Oh, here, allow me.
Oh, thanks.
FRASIER: Now, first
the pertinent information.
I've prepared copies
for each of you.
The location and numbers
of my bank accounts
my safety deposit keys
the number for my attorney...
Niles, what are you doing?
Oh, give me that!
I loosened it for him.
Now, the distribution of
my personal possessions.
Oh, I really think this is
a matter for family only.
No, no, Daphne, please
I'd like you to stay.
I'll come to you later.
Dad, Niles, I'd like
you to put your names
on these stickers
and place them on
any of the objects
that you would like
bequeathed to you.
This is crazy. I'm
not going to start
putting my name on your stuff.
Dad, what happens
if I die tomorrow
and you and Niles end up
in an argument over that...
well, that African
mask, for instance?
It'll never happen.
Niles, you can have it.
I don't want it.
Well, don't look at me.
I throw a towel over that
thing when you're not home.
Okay, fine.
Well, now we come
to the issue of...
my remains.
Oh, jeez. Well, I've
arranged every detail
here in this
easy-to-read binder.
Oh, this is taking it too far.
Will you look at this?
Burial...
casket...
caterers?
Who are you using?
Michaelson's.
Oh, they're very good.
Excellent, excellent.
Bow tie pasta...
asparagus tips...
MARTIN: Excuse me.
Excuse me!
Are we about done?
Well, there is just one
more duck to put in the row.
I've done some research
and I've discovered
that most unexpected
deaths occur in the home
and Daphne, this is
where you come in.
The actual finding of the body.
Oh, save the best
part for me, eh?
Well, that's all right.
I'm a health care provider.
I've had my fair share
of patients die on me.
That's a comfort.
Well, perhaps you're right.
Maybe we should
just drop the subject.
Thank you. This meeting has
actually made me feel better.
I think I can handle my
mortality a bit better now.
Well, enough talk about death.
Let's celebrate life
with a bottle of
Chateau Certan '75.
Oh, no, not the '75.
I can't let you do that.
That's far too good
for the likes of us.
Well... you know, perhaps
a Beaujolais Nouveau
would be more appropriate.
Yes.
( door opens)
MARTIN: Eddie?
Oh, there you are.
Come on, boy.
Frasier, what are
you still doing up?
Frasier!
Dad, please, shh.
I'm trying to listen
to my heartbeat.
Amazing thing, the human heart.
It can pump 1,800 gallons of
blood through it each and every day
but just the tiniest
tear in the tiniest part
of the tiniest artery
and poof, you're gone.
I thought you were all
okay about this stuff now.
Oh, so did I.
What is the matter with me?
I thought that putting
my affairs in order
would help me to
deal with this thing
but it hasn't.
I can't seem to
get over the feeling
that no matter how
remote the possibility
something could happen to me.
Jeez, I'd miss so much.
I'd never get to see my
son hit his first home run.
That'd be a terrible
thing for a father to miss.
Tell me about it.
Look, son.
Let me tell you something.
There was this time a while back
seven or eight of us
were on this drug bust.
We got the order to go
through the front door
and the first guy took one.
He was dead before
he hit the ground.
When you're a cop
you've got to be able
to handle things like that,
but I just couldn't get over it.
Every time I had
to go in a blind alley
or in a dark
building, I just froze.
And I knew if I kept
being afraid to die
I'd never be able to do my job.
So what did you do?
I forced myself
to forget about it.
Just like that?
Just like that.
Next time I came
to one of those doors,
I went right through it.
The fact that I got shot in the
hip was purely coincidental.
You were this close to
helping me there, Dad.
Look, Frasier, just
because some doctor dies
doesn't mean
you're going to die.
Yeah, but he was just like me.
Highly educated, sophisticated
at the top of his profession.
I saw a picture of him in a medical
journal... he even looked like me.
Same determined
chin, sweater vest
and ever so slightly
receding hairline.
Well, what do you
know about this guy?
You don't even know
his medical history.
Jeez, actually you're on
to something there, Dad.
Yeah, yeah.
For all I know, he could
have had high blood pressure
popped pills, drank like a fish.
There you go. Could've
been any of those things.
Well, I'm going to find out
what caused his heart attack.
That's the only way I can
disassociate myself from him.
There's got to be some
reasonable explanation.
That's great, Dad.
Actually, I do feel
better now, thanks.
Uh, Frasier, you got
something on your bathrobe.
"Niles."
The vultures are circling.
Come on, Eddie.
( quiet knocking at door)
Hello.
Hello!
I called earlier.
Someone said that Mrs.
Newman would be here.
Oh, oh, of course,
please, come in.
I'm Allen Freedman.
Gary was my cousin.
Dr. Frasier Crane.
My sincerest condolences.
So, I didn't think
Mrs. Newman would have company.
Oh, well, the family
is sitting Shiva.
Excuse me.
You're not Jewish, are you?
It's our version of a wake.
Oh, oh, yes, oh, of course.
I didn't realize that
Gary was Jewish.
You're kidding?
Well, uh, no, no.
Well, you know, we
were pretty close friends
spent a lot of time together...
Well, never on Friday
nights of course, but...
You know, maybe...
maybe I should come
back another time.
No, no, please. I'm sure that
Jill would love to know you came.
She's right over there.
FRASIER: Oh, she looks busy.
Well, I can wait.
Of course... will you excuse me?
WOMAN: May I help you?
I didn't realize
that this was a mirror.
I thought maybe you were
having an unveiling later.
You're not Jewish, are you?
No, no, my ex-wife is, though,
and so then thus, my son is
which makes me sort of,
well, I guess you could say...
No, I'm not Jewish.
We always cover
mirrors at a Shiva
so those grieving
don't have to be concerned
with their own appearances.
Ah, well, you look very nice.
Oh, thank you.
It's been driving me crazy.
I'm Bobbie, Gary's aunt.
Dr. Frasier Crane, my
deepest sympathies.
You're the doctor
with the radio show
aren't you? Yes, yes.
Did you know Gary well?
Well, yes, yes. Yes, I did.
Well, of course, there
was so much more
I wanted to know about the man.
You see, I... well,
oh, I don't know...
How was his health
before he died?
Excellent, he was never sick.
History of heart disease?
Oh, no.
High blood pressure? No.
High cholesterol? No.
Do you know what his HDL
was in comparison to his LDL?
No.
I'm sorry, I'm asking
too many questions.
You know how doctors are.
We're just always
looking for the answers
to the mysteries of life.
Oh, Gail.
Aunt Bobbie.
I know, I know.
Gail, I'd like you to
meet a friend of Gary's.
Dr. Frasier Crane.
Dr. Crane? From the radio?
Yes, I'm sorry for your loss.
I love your show.
Oh, I'm sorry about this.
It's just, uh, when I went
to pick up this linzer torte
I thought of Gary and...
So Gary had a fondness
for fattening desserts, did he?
You didn't know Gary
very well, did you?
If he knew I brought
this here, he'd kill me.
Yeah, Gary was a
total health fanatic.
A strict vegetarian.
I used to play basketball
with him every Sunday.
Oh, so he was sedentary all week
and then he was burning
up the court on Sundays.
Well, I mean, that can be
very straining on the heart.
No, he played at least
four times a week...
That is, when he wasn't
at the gym working out.
Gary was in phenomenal shape.
BOBBIE: He didn't smoke,
never touched caffeine.
Do you know, he had less
than 10% body fat on him?
My goodness, has anybody
checked to see if he's really dead?
I'm sure they did check.
Those people are very thorough.
Oh my, is that kugel?
Excuse me.
FRASIER: Mrs. Newman.
I'm Dr. Frasier Crane.
I was a friend of
your husband's.
Dr. Crane! From...
Yes, the radio.
Gary never mentioned you.
Well, we weren't
actually friends.
He had an office in
my brother's building.
And you took the time
to come down here.
His own partner didn't
even stay 15 minutes.
That's really sweet of you.
Well, actually, I...
There is a reason I
came to talk to you.
Which is?
It's about Gary.
About how he...
Yes?
Look, I'm sorry I bothered you.
I really just came to
offer my sympathies.
No, wait, um... Dr. Crane.
I listen to you
all the time and...
Well, maybe you could help me.
What would you tell someone
who called in the show
and said they can't get over
why someone died?
I keep running
this over and over
in my mind
and I just can't understand
how someone like Gary
who did everything
right, can just die.
I can't make any sense of it.
Mrs. Newman, I know
you'd like me to come up
with some grand
answer to this whole thing
but I don't have one.
Someone who consumes nothing
but cigarettes and cheeseburgers
all his life can live to be 83
and then someone who takes
care of himself can die at 41.
It's unfair.
Well, there's no
explanation for it.
Believe me, I've checked.
But I suppose the best we can do
is live for the little joys and
surprises that life affords us.
You can't spend your life
being obsessed with death.
You're not Jewish, are you?
No.
No, I'm not, but, um...
Well, thank you for
letting me be here today.
Oh, thank you for
coming, Dr. Crane.
Oh, Dr. Crane.
It was very nice what
you said about living life
for the little joys and
surprises it can give us.
Yes.
Thank you. Thank you.
If only I believed it myself.
Excuse me.
Um, this is clearly
the most inappropriate
thing I've ever done in my life
but I was watching
you and, um...
I don't know if I'll ever get
the chance to see you again
and something about
you tells me I'd like to.
If you'd like to get
together sometime
give me a call.
♪ Hey, baby, I hear
the blues a'callin' ♪
♪ Tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪
♪ Mercy ♪
♪ And maybe I
seem a bit confused ♪
♪ Yeah, maybe, but
I got you pegged ♪
( laughing)
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
♪ With those tossed
salads and scrambled eggs ♪
♪ They're callin' again ♪
♪ Frasier has
left the building. ♪