Four Weddings and a Funeral (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - The Sound of Music - full transcript

Previously on
Four Weddings and a Funeral...

"You will always be the one that got away.
Love, Maya."

- Are you sure it's for you?
- She didn't write "Dear Duffy."

If you're available,
I'd like to hire you.

The only décor I have is a dead
plant and a stack of pizza boxes.

Do you still run the theater?

I'm directing
The Sound of Music this year.

Would you want to play
Captain Von Trapp?

I'm in.

Craig, I vow
to love you more each day.

Every second with you is a gift.



Real talk, you're one
of the sickest people I know.

I think I have feelings
for Bash.

Do you wanna
come back to my place?

For sex, Garrett.

Of course
I have feelings for you.

I have since
the first time we met.

- You're in love with Kash.
- I found your letter.

- It is not what you think.
- Duffy!

Duffy!

[So Long, Farewell
playing on piano]

♪ So long, farewell ♪

♪ Au revoir,
Auf Wiedersehen ♪

♪ I'd like to stay
and taste my first champagne ♪

Yes?



- No.
- Oh, fuck!

Oh, sorry. Sorry, kids.
I'm okay.

- Oh, my God. I nearly stepped there.
- That could've been me!

Stop being so dramatic, Parul.

Everyone,
I think we're done for tonight.

Right.

I'm so sorry, Kashif.

This place is just
falling down around us.

I can get someone
to fix the stage.

No, no, you've done enough.

You've already
paid for the costumes.

No.

This'll just have to be
our final production.

- No.
- The theater can't close.

I'll start doing drugs.
I'll join a gang.

Okay, that's pretty dramatic,

but she's right.
They can't close this place.

They'll just turn it into more flats
that no one around here can afford.

I know, but you can't have a
theater if you can't afford a stage.

I might have an idea.

Is it a bake sale?

We'll barely recoup
the costs of ingredients.

It's not a bake sale, Parul.

It was a bake sale.

I'll come up with
something else.

♪ It fills a sweet
little place in my heart ♪

♪ Like a sweet little rain
takes care of the flowers ♪

♪ And that's love ♪

♪ Your kind of love ♪

Thanks for meeting me.

I don't have long, so can you
just say what you came to say?

Okay, um,

that letter you found...
You were right.

It was for Kash,
but I was never going to send it.

Mm.

Please. Promise me
you won't say anything.

Cool.

Yeah, so, it's not bad enough
that you broke my heart.

I now have to keep secrets
for you?

- But there's nothing to tell.
- Nothing happened.

And I am never going
to see him again.

Okay, fine.

Thank you, Duffy.

Oh, uh, I saw your story
in The New Yorker came out.

It's... it's really good.

- Yeah, oh, yeah.
- It's really good.

You know what, Maya?

I don't think that you and I have
anything to talk about anymore.

Cheers.

I read the speech you wrote on
increasing capital gains taxes.

- And?
- Hmm, some excellent points,

all of which are
political suicide.

Try again.

Do you want me to have
a whack at it?

I just think I might have a better
sense of his voice than you do.

Oh, is that why he doesn't
let you tweet for him anymore?

No, that's because I accidentally
spelt "Parliament" wrong.

Par-lia-ment.

Par-lia-ment.

Well, my dream has always been

to work for a progressive,
diverse female candidate,

but given my current situation,
I'm open to anything.

But you are looking to stay
in the political field?

Political, non-profit...

Just a job where
I don't have to push an agenda

that's directly opposed
to everything I believe in.

Well, we are the premier recruiting
agency for the public sector,

so I'm sure we can
find you something.

I'll have to call you back.
We get it.

60% of the calls we get

are from people hiding
in office bathrooms.

♪ So long, farewell ♪

♪ Au revoir,
Auf Wiedersehen ♪

It's good, right?

Would you give money
to something like that?

I would give everything, yeah,
to make this right between you and me.

What are you talking about?

I'm not gonna lie, yeah?

What I'm about to tell you could threaten
the very foundation of our friendship.

Bruv,
I know about you and Fatima.

It's all over your Snapchat.
I'm cool with it.

Bruv, you don't have to hide
your true feelings with me, okay?

How can I make this better?
You know what?

Hit me with your car.

If you really want
to make things up to me...

Well, I ain't gonna sleep
until I do, so go on.

We need someone to take a look
at the tech system at the theater.

The lighting desk is a mess.

Are you sure you don't just
wanna hit me with your car?

I heard it's a much more
cathartic process.

I'm just thinking
of you, really, like...

- Bruv.
- Hm?

Okay, fine, fine.
I'll do it for you.

Fatima?

- No, that is my mum.
- Um, I better answer that.

Hey, boo. I've been thinking about
you, you know?

And Dad'll be thinking
about that as well.

What am I doing?

Ladies and gentlemen, the kids
of the Hounslow Community Theatre.

Take it away, guys.

Oh, hi.
Garrett, you're here.

Again...

Maya, I was hoping to see you.

Did you know that you

and the poet Maya Angelou...

You share the same first name?

- Yes.
- Yes, I did.

Garrett's really good at figuring out which
celebrities have the same name as you.

Yeah, right.
Try me, right? Anyone.

Uh, Ainsley.

- I don't know.
- I don't know.

- It's tough.
- Hey, do you wanna go out tonight?

- Ugh, yes.
- Work has been killing me.

I was praised on
an Alt-right website last week.

Well, Tony 2's taking us
dancing at a gay club.

You wanna come, Garrett?

- Right, yeah.
- I can't go to gay bars.

It's impolite to give a boner
that you can't reciprocate.

Oh.

- Right.
- Let's go shower.

- What?
- We're in Europe.

Can you sign my test please?

100% in your Latin test?

That's very good.

"Brad Pitt played Achilles
in which film?"

Troy.

"What is your name
in pig Latin?"

Iles-gi.

Well, what idiot teacher would
put together a test like this?

- Oh, Duffy!
- My man!

How's it going, brother?

- Hey, guys.
- How was your honeymoon?

Oh, man...

I don't know what you heard
about Antarctica,

but it is cold!

A penguin bit my ass.

Duffy, this place is a mess.

If I wanted a drunk slob
to house sit,

I would've asked
any one of my cousins

or my uncles or my parents.

Yeah, well, it's not my fault.

You should fire
your house cleaner

because she said that
I was bumming her out,

and then she left.

Uh, is everything okay, Duff?

I mean, this isn't,
uh, Maya-related, is it?

No, Craig.

I was emotionally destroyed
by a different woman

in the two weeks
that you were gone.

Oh, no.

You really have the worst luck.

What? No. It's Maya.

I'm still mad at Maya.

I get it, but I don't think
she meant to hurt you, brother.

You don't know that.

Oh, there's a lot about her
that you don't know.

- A lot.
- Like what?

- Nothing.
- I, uh... I'm late for school.

I'm sorry that
I drank all your alcohol

and I broke your computer
with a virus from a porn.

What?

The Hounslow Community Theatre
led to my love of the arts

and made me believe
in my potential.

These kids deserve
the same opportunity.

Please.
Give as much as you can.

♪ So long, farewell ♪

♪ Au revoir,
Auf Wiedersehen ♪

Enough. Julie Andrews will
be rolling in her grave.

Julie Andrews is still alive.

- No, you're thinking of Julie Christie.
- I'm right.

Okay, boys, now Helen of Troy
is described

as "the face that launched
a thousand ships."

What if you had
a secret love letter

written by Helen to Paris
that you could give to Ainsley?

Who's Ainsley?

Uh, Menelaus.

And you know I meant Menelaus.
Do not be obtuse, Bernard.

But, Mr. Duffy,

in this thinly-veiled analogy
to your own romantic failings,

wouldn't showing Menelaus the letter
just start the Trojan War sooner?

Yeah, maybe,

or maybe Helen deserves that.

Ah, forget it.
Just... it's... class is dismissed.

So please get out of here.

Go wherever you go.

- Mummy?
- What are you doing here?

- I'm here to speak to Mr. Duffy.
- I'll see you later, darling.

- What the hell is this?
- Gemma.

It's an A+. The kid's a nerd.
What do you want me to tell you?

God, you're a state.

Yeah, I'm kind of going
through some stuff right now.

- Well, snap out of it.
- These boys are counting on you.

How are they going to survive in the
world without a thorough grasp of Latin?

I'm trying my best, dude.

Well, dude, I don't pay
a small fortune so that

Giles can sit and listen to his teacher
complain about how women hate him.

Oh, yeah, sorry about that.

Well, maybe you could
just transfer him.

I hear they have a fantastic Latin
department at Saint I-Don't-Give-A-Shit!

Gemma, wait.
I'm sorry about that.

♪ It feels good
to be bad, bad, bad ♪

♪ I wanna do whatever
I wanna do ♪

♪ 'Cause it feels good ♪

♪ To be bad ♪

♪ A little fun
never hurt anyone ♪

♪ Life's a party ♪

- Oh, my God.
- I needed a night out.

Two Appletinis please.

- This isn't a movie.
- This is a real gay bar.

Order a normal drink.

Three gin and
slimline tonics, please.

So, what's going on
with Garrett?

He seems really

sweet and uncomplicated...

Like a golden retriever.

Okay,
I know you think he's dumb,

and he is...

But in his defense,

he only eats one meal
every two days.

And it's not like we're dating.
I barely even know him.

So you're, like,
strangers with benefits.

- Exactly.
- I like that.

Besides, after Kash,

I didn't think I was gonna ever
wanna be with anyone again,

but... I'm totally fine.

Yeah, well, you sounded fine
three times this morning.

- Up top, Ains, whoo!
- Oh, shit!

- Oh, my God.
- Andrew.

- Oh, you need to stop thinking about your boss.
- It's like...

- No, no.
- He's here.

♪ Get a little bit nasty ♪

Hi, Andrew.

What a fun surprise.
Do you come to G-A-Y often?

I like the subtlety of the name.

- Hello, I'm Andrew.
- Hi.

Hi, I'm Ainsley.

Oh, I know you.

Ah, yes, it's me,
Andrew Aldridge,

the first openly gay MP
in my party.

It's quite a story.
If we had time...

The year was 2002.

Nicole Kidman was about
to win the Oscar by a nose.

Well, that's just it.

It was 2002.
What have you done since then?

I beg your pardon?

Since coming out, you've completely
forgotten about people like me.

I think you're mistaken.

My voting record is impeccable.

Yes, on issues like cutting
inheritance tax for millionaires,

and "keeping Britain British."

Uh, Maya, your friend doesn't
know what he's talking about.

He's... he's more
Ainsley's friend.

-
- You may have been brave once,

but now you only help
rich, old white people.

You're a gay dinosaur.

That's why everyone
calls you LGBT-Rex.

That's enough.

I will not be spoken down to
by a man in a mesh top.

Okay, well, I think we've all
learned a lot here tonight at G-A-Y,

and so Ainsley and I are
gonna say B-Y-E. Bye.

- Aww... oh.
- Nice to meet you.

- You don't remember me, do you?
- No.

Halloween two years ago.

I was Britney, Slave 4 U era.

You were Richard Gere,
An Officer and a Gentleman.

You kept your socks on.

I thought we had a nice time.

But I guess it's too much to ask someone
like you to remember someone like me.

Ta-da!
I went a lot over budget!

Well, I think, uh...
I think this is all right.

All right?

Do you know how hard it was
to design a home

for a gruff,
monosyllabic oilman?

No.

- Very hard.
- I want compliments.

Well, um, all right.

I'd say, um,
yeah, I think this works.

Well, that is effusive for me.

Oh, come on.

You spent half an hour
describing the nuance

of Clint Eastwood's performance
in The Outlaw Josey Wales.

People just give
too many compliments.

Everyone's like, "That's amazeballs.
I'm #dead."

I'll, uh, I'll tell somebody something's
good when I... when I mean it.

Hey, what's that?

Is that Love Field?

Yes.

That is an artist rendering
from the 1950s.

That's such a pretty name
for an airport.

My father designed
that building.

- I know, dummy.
- That's why I put it on your wall.

- Ainsley Howard.
- Now, this?

This is good.

You're right. That does feel
better knowing you really mean it.

So what's next?

That's it.

My work here is done.

- Really?
- You finished?

I am.

But it's been a real pleasure.

I'm gonna miss working with you.

The garden...
You can decorate the garden.

Well,
I'm not really a landscaper.

Uh, well, I trust your eye.

- Okay. Well, it's your money.
- I'm happy to spend it.

Just look at this.

Why do I hire young people if they
can't prevent things like this?

You're supposed
to keep me awoken.

Oh, do you mean woke?

Do I?

How dare that man say that
I only help people like me.

How do you explain my support for the women's
flower club or the children's library bus?

Do I look like a woman
or a child, Tony?

Uh, it's Marcus...

My... my name.

Well, I can't speak for Tony,

but maybe he's referring
to your party's

less than progressive stance

on... everything.

Oh, I just...

I just hate that people
might think I'm the bad guy.

I'm not the bad guy.

I voted for Black History Week.

- Month.
- A whole month?

Well...
That's wonderful.

Can I just say that

I'm thrilled that
you're concerned about this.

I would love to help you
change your image.

What do you suggest?

Maybe you could pair a suit
with some fun sneakers.

Or maybe you could support a cause
that people wouldn't expect from you,

like an at-risk youth program
or a women's shelter.

- Oh, yes. Good idea, Maya.
- Compile a list.

Uh, what about a struggling
community theater in Hounslow?

- What?
- No.

I-I just don't think
that's a good idea.

- Wait.
- What is it?

It's a bunch of poor,

ethnically diverse kids doing
Sound of Music.

Picture it, sir...
Muslims, Hindus,

girls in headscarves,
risking everything to sing.

Probably.
Think of the photo op.

Sounds perfect.

Yeah, or not.

I can... I can come up
with some other options.

She's just jealous that
she didn't think of it first.

The decision is made.

These children are in need.

Well done, Marcus.

Mr. Duffy, is it true
that you told a parent

if they disliked
your teaching style,

they could transfer
their child to,

"Saint I-Don't-Give-A-Shit's"?

Headmaster Mould,
I'm kinda going through

some unprecedented
relationship trauma.

Would you ever consider
a paid sabbatical?

No.

This academy stayed open
during the Blitz.

A math teacher confronted
a German paratrooper

and beat him to death
with a trigonometry book.

Oh, my God.

The point is,
you're not getting time off

just because some girl you've
dated for a month has dumped you.

How did you know that?

Because you told everyone.

Mr. Duffy,
you leave me no choice

but to assign another teacher
to monitor your classes

until you find yourself.

- Oh, yeah?
- Who?

Hello, Duffy.

Hi, Tabby.

Okay, the next cue
is on page 32.

And lights out.

Bruv, come on.

Oh! Oh, shit. Sorry, bro.

- Go to the next cue.
- Stop texting Fatima.

There it is...

That anger and resentment that
you keep saying doesn't exist.

Let it go, my brother.
Let it come outside your body.

I'm only angry because
it's taken you an hour

to get through five light cues.

You're probably right.

Let me get to... here it comes.
Here it comes, yeah?

Here we go.

Thank you.

Okay, and then the lights
come up on page 33.

She's funny.

Bash, turn on the lights!

If you could give us
a tour and maybe tell us

a little bit about what
you guys do here, 'cause we...

- Maya?
- Yeah, well, of course.

Well, we lost our local authority
funding a couple of years ago,

and we haven't been able to raise
enough money to do the repairs.

Oh, that's just heartbreaking.

Uh, you voted for
that austerity bill, sir.

Well, this is exactly

what I'm looking for.

I'd like to personally fund

the renovations
of this whole theater.

How does the "Andrew Aldridge

Hounslow Community Theatre"
sound?

Are you serious?

Or should it be the "Andrew
Aldridge Ethnically Diverse

Community Theatre
for Low-Income Urchins"?

No, no.
Mine's better.

Give me a tour.

Well, yes.
Let's start with the wings.

- Love the...
- Please, watch your step.

Thanks so much for this.

After the way we left things at the
wedding, I didn't think I'd see you again.

- Trust me.
- I had nothing to do with this.

This is literally the last
place on Earth I wanna be.

Wait, so you're not here
because of me?

No, I'm here for work,

and maybe some kind
of cosmic punishment?

Maya!

Ooh, you looking good, girl.
Ooh.

I didn't mean that as a come on,
by the way, because I'm taken now, so...

Sorry, mate. I keep rubbing
salt in your wounds, innit?

Uh, Fatima and I broke up.

Turns out she's in love
with this guy.

Huh?

She in love with me?
She told you that?

Bruv, can we have a minute?

Yes, you can.

Look, this whole thing
with Fatima, I...

- It's none of my business. I-I don't care.
- Do you two know each other?

- No, not really.
- Yes, we have mutual friends.

Oh, that's lucky. In that case,
Maya can be my point person here,

overseeing the renovations

and handling any press interest.

- Wait, no.
- This is Marcus' project.

He should be the one
to see it through.

Yep, but you already
have a relationship here.

Plus, given the optics,

you're a little more au courant.

Are you saying I'm too white?

Uh, well, legally,
I'm not allowed to say that,

but yes, that's all I'm saying.

- Yeah.
- Shall we?

Yes, let's come through
the auditorium,

and I'll take you out to the...

I guess we're gonna be seeing a
lot more of you 'round here, then.

Urbs antiqua fuit.

Urbs antiqua fuit.

That's what I said.

- No, it isn't.
- Your pronunciation's terrible.

I hate to side with Miss,

but I do think lessons
could be more rigorous.

I couldn't understand
any of that.

Hey!

Hey, you!

Stop!

You narc!
You narc!

Will you please stop
shouting in a public square?

This isn't Italy.

You grassed on me
to the headmaster,

and now he has Tabby
spying on my ass!

Well, she obviously
isn't doing a very good job.

You still appear
unhinged and unwashed.

- You know what?
- I'm sorry.

I just lost my girlfriend,

and you of all people
should understand.

Are you taking the piss?

My husband died,
you insensitive oaf!

I have eggs my refrigerator that have
lasted longer than your relationship.

- I'm sorry.
- Shit!

I'm sorry!

Yes.

I know it's not the same.

It's just...
it's just that Maya was...

Oh, shut up and get over it.

You're a hungover,
30-year-old man

in stained trousers
who doesn't like his life.

You can try to blame
Maya or Tabby or me,

but the real person you should
be blaming is yourself.

I say this as a friend.

Get your shit together,
you idiot!

♪ How do you solve
a problem like Maria? ♪

♪ How do you catch a cloud
and pin it down? ♪

♪ How do you find a word
that means Maria? ♪

♪ A flibbertigibbet,
a will-o'-the-wisp ♪

♪ A clown ♪

♪ Many a thing you know
you'd like to tell her ♪

♪ Many a thing
she ought to understand ♪

♪ But how do you
make her stay ♪

♪ And listen to all you say ♪

♪ How do you keep a wave
upon the sand? ♪

♪ Oh, how do you solve
a problem like Maria? ♪

♪ How do you hold ♪

♪ A moonbeam ♪

♪ In your ♪

♪ Hand? ♪

♪ How do you solve
a problem like Maria? ♪

♪ How do you catch a cloud
and pin it down? ♪

♪ How do you find a word
that means Maria? ♪

♪ A flibbertigibbet,
a will-o'-the-wisp ♪

♪ A clown ♪

♪ Many a thing you know
you'd like to tell her ♪

♪ Many a thing
she ought to understand ♪

♪ But how do you
make her stay ♪

♪ And listen to all you say? ♪

♪ How do you keep a wave
upon the sand? ♪

♪ Oh, how do you solve
a problem like Maria? ♪

♪ How do you hold ♪

♪ A moonbeam ♪

♪ In your hand? ♪

Tabby.

Hey, Tabby.

- Hi.
- What do you want, Duffy?

I'm waiting for someone.

I just wanna say
I'm so sorry about the way

I handled things between us.

And you should know that
I got what I deserved.

Well,
I appreciate you saying that.

Yeah, so,

I guess we're both, um, members of
the Lonely Hearts Club now, huh?

- What?
- Oh, no, I'm not single.

Actually, I'm dating
another American guy.

He's a writer too.

Oh, awesome.

Anyone I would know?

Probably not... he writes
mostly romance novels.

Oh, this is me.

Well, see you later, Duffy.

You know, you really
don't have to do that.

Yeah, I know, but I felt kinda
guilty watching Mrs. Ali do it,

especially when she kept
saying, "Ow, my arthritis."

Well, I'm sorry you
got stuck helping us.

I'm not.

Contrary to what Andrew thinks,
I didn't get into politics

to help him decide which tie
makes him look less racist.

So, why did you get into it?

Uh, to help people?

- Really?
- Are you a do-gooder?

Well, have you thought
about doing something else?

Yeah, I've thought about it...

Called a headhunter
and everything,

but since Andrew seems
to have found a heart,

I'm actually enjoying the job.

Well, I'm glad you're here.

Me too.

- Sorry about that!
- Come on, bruv!

Oh.

What are you doing here?

You finally thought
of a decent comeback?

Only took you a month.

Uh, no.

I'd like to apologize.

For what?

Brexit?
Austerity?

Fracking?

That waistcoat?

Oh, no. I'd never
apologize for this waistcoat.

I've had it since university,
and I never had to let it out.

No, I'm... sorry

I didn't remember you.

Um,

I'm not accustomed to,
uh, dating.

In my line of work,

a personal life is a liability,

especially if you're... like us.

So, I'd like to move on.

There's a production of The
Sound of Music this Saturday...

Stop.

You don't really
want to date me.

You just want to make yourself
feel better.

Well, I'd rather
you left me out of it.

- I'm sorry.
- I... I won't bother you again.

Kashif!

Kashif, I know you're in
'cause I heard the toilet flush.

What...

Bruv,

I got some bad news.

Go there.

It's real bad.

You lost all of the lighting
cues I gave you?

Okay, now I have two pieces
of bad news for you.

Listen, man.
Me and Fatima are getting serious.

Oh, God, not this again.

Bro, we had the families meet up
last night, and let me tell you this.

It could not have gone better.

I know you must be gutted to hear that.
I'm very sorry.

Bash, how many times do I have
to tell you I'm happy for you two?

Are you serious?

You got no lingering emotions?

No feelings of utter emascula...

- For the love of God, no.
- I like Maya.

- I could see that, yeah.
- Oh, hold on a minute.

Ain't she your ex-fiancée's...

- Yeah.
- Exactly.

Shit.

Sit down. Sit down.
You know what, my brother?

Listen to me.
Don't stress about it.

Listen, if it's meant to be,

you two will find your way
to each other.

- I hope you're right, man.
- Yeah.

And listen, man, I... I'm so glad
that you're over Fatima, you know?

'Cause here's the thing... our
chaperone cancelled tonight.

You know, um, Basheer, it's...

It's very reassuring
for a woman to know that

her man can escape a room
in under half an hour.

- It's very important.
- Yeah.

I also know exactly what
to do in a Purge situation.

- Okay.
- Go hiding.

- Funny.
- Yeah, hilarious.

Mm.

Hey, your honeymoon photos are just
outtakes from Fifty Shades of Grey.

Were you at a nudist colony?

No, this was just Heathrow
before we left.

Hang on.
I'm sure I took some decent ones.

Oh, cool, Craig's butt.

It's like we're roommates again.

Oh, look at you.

- What's up with the blazer?
- Is it your confirmation?

- What?
- No.

You know,
can't a guy update his look?

No. I'm the sharp
dresser in the group.

Stay in your lane, playboy.

Well, I like it.

Mm.

So, how's our friend
Andrew doing?

- He's good.
- You certainly made an impression.

- Doubt it.
- No, you did.

He's now sponsoring the
renovation of a community theater

in Hounslow because
of what you said to him.

- What?
- You sure it's not just a front

so he can force immigrant
children to polish his silver?

No, it's real.

They're doing Sound of Music.

You know, Andrew must
really value your opinion,

'cause he pays me for mine,

and still does not listen to it.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
- No more talk about Andrew.

I hate him. He makes you
work, like, 90 hours a week.

I never see her anymore.

- I know.
- I'm so sorry.

It's just been so busy.

Okay, well, last night, I had to eat
dinner alone like a sad friend widow.

I had to smell your sweater
yesterday to remember you.

I'm so lame.

Mm.

- Oh, hi, Duffy.
- Yeah.

I'm not stealing this.

I-I left it here a couple weeks ago and
Ainsley never drank it, so I just...

It's really nice to see you.

You too.

Hey, I-I know
I put you in an awkward...

- No, no. It's-it's fine.
- I'm over it.

I really am over it.

Ah, ooh, here's one at brunch,

right before we had sex
in the omelet line.

Oh, boy.

- Oh, boy.
- It's gonna be bad.

- Huh.
- Well, this is interesting.

Turns out Kew Gardens has the
oldest pot plant in the world.

1770.

Now that is a neat fact.

- What?
- Nothing, no.

You just always get so excited
about little facts.

You remind me of my seventh
grade history teacher.

- Hmm, don't love that.
- Oh, no, no.

He was cute.
All the girls had a crush on him.

Anyway,
let's talk about your backyard.

Sure.

Um, is there anything you're
seeing that you like, or...

Honestly, I... I hardly
know one flower from another.

Same goes for wine.

Oh, I... I don't know
anything about wine either.

I mean, I pretend I do
so that I seem fancy, but...

- Naturally.
- Honestly,

my favorite is still the house
red from the Cracker Barrel.

- Oh, hell no.
-

- Yeah.
Shit, yeah.

- You're a Texas girl.
- Yeah.

I had my first kiss
in a Cracker Barrel.

Oh, let me tell you
about a Texas first kiss.

- Come on now.
- Okay.

Mine was in the back
of a pickup truck

after a football game.

- Classic.
- I got chiggers.

Yeah, you would.

When I'm talking to you,
I feel like I'm back home.

I feel like I'm home too.

Been wanting to do that
for a long time.

I'm sorry.

I'm seeing someone, and...

I just can't.

I'm sorry.

Ah, there you are.

Um, how far along are we

on that
Hounslow theater project?

Uh, the opening night's
this weekend, remember?

You're the guest of honor.

I just ordered a hundred
cupcakes with your face on them.

Oh, that's unfortunate.

What is going on?

Uh, the party whip
reacted negatively

to Andrew bankrolling
a theater in Hounslow.

- Of course he did.
- Why?

Because it's an immigrant
neighborhood full of brown people?

Uh, no, because it's one of
the opposition's constituencies.

God, you're racist
for even saying that.

Oh, my God.

Whatever the reason, this isn't worth
jeopardizing my position in the party.

- Moving on.
- No, not moving on.

You can't pull out
right now, okay?

If you're not there
on Saturday, no one will show.

- No one will donate.
- Why do you care so much?

You didn't want to do this
in the first place.

Well, because Ka...
Everyone there

has worked really hard,
and what am I gonna tell the kids?

Oh, tell them
I've been taken ill.

That's what my father did
for all my birthdays.

I'm sorry, but politics forces
us to make difficult decisions.

- I've made up my mind.
- But you can't do this.

Ah, I said I've made up my mind.

If you don't agree,
you can find work elsewhere.

Shit. Oh, shit, shit, shit.

I can hear you saying "shit."

- Bryce.
- Hi.

Uh, look,
I'm sorry about yesterday.

I didn't know you were
seeing somebody.

But I don't regret it.

I like you,

and I'd be mad at myself if I...

If I let you walk away
without telling you how I feel.

Well, I'm sorry too for

giving you the wrong impression.

I am dating someone,
and it's serious.

- Totally understand.
- No hard feelings.

So I guess you should find
somebody else to finish your garden.

I never cared about
the garden, Ainsley.

- Oh, don't bother to knock.
- A closed door is but a suggestion.

Listen, if you want
to fire me, you can fire me...

- You're fired.
- But let me talk first.

You made a promise
to those kids.

You can't do this.

Do you think
this makes me feel good?

I saw that cute little Sikh boy
who played Kurt.

He kept pushing up
his little glasses.

- So help him.
- There is more at stake.

I have my seat to think of.

What is the point
of having a seat

if you don't use it
to help people?

Don't lecture me. I've been in
office since before you were born.

The problem with your generation

is you don't know what
a hard choice looks like.

First of all, my generation is
drowning in your generation's debt,

and we're all gonna die
of climate change.

Second of all,
"It is incumbent on us

as public servants to give
voice to the voiceless."

- Oh, and who said that?
- Oprah?

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie?

Whoa, you know how
to pronounce that?

And no, it's not her anyway.

It is incumbent on us
as public servants

to give voice to the voiceless,

and to remember that
we govern and act

on behalf of the people.

We must elevate
those who cannot rise

on their own.

I promise to carry out
my duties, to serve,

and to represent each
and every one of them.

You know, I can't disagree
with that handsome bastard.

Are we all ready,
little Von Trapplets?

And, ooh, there we are.

Now, smile for the cameras,
especially the nuns.

Well, I just think... well, I think
it's gonna be absolutely marvelous.

I think your children
are absolutely terrific.

It's going to be... um,
would you, uh, just excuse me?

Just for a moment?

You came.

I'm sorry.

I was a basic bitch,

but... well,
you forgot me so easily,

and... and it hurt,

'cause I didn't forget you.

Yes, I suppose you were
somewhat of a basic bitch,

but, um,

perhaps I deserved it.

So you never really date?

How can that be true?

Well, I became an MP
30 years ago.

Back then, we didn't have
what we have now...

Marriage, adoption.

Sam Smith would've been
forced to marry Adele.

But think of the wonderful
Christmas album they would have made.

I'm glad you came tonight,

Tony,

because you're someone
worth remembering.

Uh, shall we, um...

♪ So somewhere in my youth ♪

♪ Or childhood ♪

♪ I must have done ♪

♪ Something good ♪

♪ Nothing comes from nothing ♪

♪ Nothing ever could ♪

♪ So somewhere in my youth ♪

♪ I must have done ♪

♪ Something ♪

♪ Good ♪

Oh, excuse me.

Hey, that was the greatest
thing I've ever seen,

and I've seen Chicago 78 times.

And what did Andrew think?

He said that we did something
really important tonight.

We? You tried to
kill this yesterday.

Yes.

And it's a testament
to the strength of our idea

that it succeeded nonetheless...

Oh, here he is!

- Well, you didn't suck.
- Thanks, bro.

- Wonderful job, beta.
- Thanks, Dad.

It good to have hobbies...
Like me and my checkers club.

Take care.
Good to see you.

Bye.

- Hi.
- I'm gonna head off.

But I just...
I just wanted to say

you were really good.

Thank you.

Uh, before you go,

can I show you something?

- What?
- Look.

Oh, cool.

I did it when I was 10.

I basically lived here
when I was a kid.

Oh, that's nice.

Thank you for everything.

Oh, I didn't do anything.

Yes, you did.

You gave me the courage
to act again,

even if it is only
community theater.

I'm happy,
and it's all because of you.

♪ I believe in
a thing called love ♪

♪ Just listen
to the rhythm of my heart ♪

♪ There's a chance we could
make it now ♪

♪ We'll be rocking
till the sun goes down ♪

♪ I believe in a thing
called love ♪

♪ Love, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ I want to kiss you
every minute ♪

♪ Every hour, every day ♪

♪ You got me in a spin
but everything will be okay ♪

♪ Touching you ♪

♪ Touching me ♪

♪ Touching you ♪

♪ God, you're touching me ♪

♪ I believe in
a thing called love ♪

♪ Just listen to
the rhythm of my heart ♪

♪ There's a chance
we can make it now ♪

Go to bed.