Four Weddings and a Funeral (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Lights, Camera, Wedding - full transcript

Previously on Four
Weddings and a Funeral...

I... I want to give it a try.

Just to be clear, you're talking
boyfriend and girlfriend, right?

Yes.

Craig, what is he doing here?

This was a mistake. I should go.

Kash is my friend.

You have known Kash
for a couple of years.

I have been one of your
best friends since college.

This is a total betrayal.

Will you marry me?



No. I can't marry you, Craig.

I just don't wanna mess this up.

There's nothing to mess up.

You do know you can do
better than Maya, don't you?

Hi, Craig.

I still think about when we first met.

♪ Play along ♪

♪ I'll be so wrong ♪

♪ So long, it's free ♪

♪ I could stay ♪

♪ A thousand light-years ♪

♪ Away from here ♪

Maya!

Hey, over here.



Oh, Gemma's there.

She wanted to tell me something.

It's fine. Hi.

What?

I mean, you've got
lipstick on your teeth,

but I didn't want to tell you that.

So do you know why we're here?

What's Craig's big announcement?

Christ, I hope it's not that he's
getting his blues band back together.

It was awful.

- Awful.
- Ladies and gentlemen,

can I have your attention, please?

Surprise! Zara's back!

And we're getting married!

I'm blinded. Blinded!

That is the biggest rock I've ever seen.

- Is it real?
- Yeah.

Have you bitten it?

So how did this happen?

Well, when Craig surprised
me on Love Chalet,

I wasn't ready to forgive him.

I was still really hurting, you know?

So I convinced myself
that Garrett was the one.

Convinced me too.

- Good actress, this one.
- Yeah.

But it wasn't until Garrett proposed

that I realized my heart
belonged to another.

Aww.

Who?

Craig.

We're getting married in a real palace.

Queen Elizabeth I grew up there,

and they used it in a
toilet paper commercial.

Oh, wow.

And the best part of it is...

Love Chalet is paying for it!

No!

The best part is,

our wedding is gonna be on TV!

- No!
- Oh, my God.

- We're gonna be famous!
- I know!

I'm gonna call my mum.

Oh, my God.

Such a beautiful night...

You know, minus the
dampness and the cold.

Yeah, I might go inside, actually.

I'm freezing.

Want my coat?

- Cool, yeah.
- Yeah.

Thanks, Duffy.

Ooh, but I'm keeping all these
loose Skittles in your pocket.

- No take-backs.
- Okay, yeah.

Sorry about that.

Hey!

How's my best man doing?

What? I'm your best man?

They wanted to stunt cast
it with Damon Wayans Jr.,

but I said no.

It's gotta be my man, Duffy.

Oh, my God, Craig. Thank you.

- Eh, love you, brother.
- Of course, yeah.

You know, I, uh,
invited Ainsley tonight.

You think she'll show?

I don't think so. She's
still pretty upset.

Oh, Maya,

I'm sorry you can't be a bridesmaid.

You're too pretty. Pippa situation.

It... it's okay.

But I've got a feeling

you're gonna be the star of
your own big day soon enough.

Hey.

Oh, look who it is. Muhammad Ali.

How's the hand?

Uh, pretty good.

I punched, like, six
more guys on the way here.

Can I get you a drink?

Uh, yeah, sure. I'll have a...

Nope, let me guess.

American girls are always like...

Vodka soda, splash of cranberry.

Uh, no, no. I would never order that.

I only drink, um...

KahlÃúa and tomato juice.

- Really?
- Yep.

So if I order that, you'll drink it?

Yeah, go for it. Make it a pitcher.

- Listen. At the hospital...
- Don't.

- I don't wanna...
- No, you're right.

Sorry.

It's just, I don't know the
next time I'll get to see you,

and obviously, there's
something between us...

Kash, stop it.

You just don't wanna admit
it because you're scared.

I'm scared?

Coming from the runaway groom
who secretly wants to be an actor.

Tell me you don't think about me too,

and then I'll move on and
never talk about this again.

Of course I think about you.

I don't.

You should move on.

You're all I can think about.

I wish that I didn't.

I keep telling myself to forget you.

But for some reason, I can't.

I wish things weren't so complicated.

We haven't even had the chance
to explore what this could be.

But I can't keep lying awake every night

thinking about this
person I can never be with.

I have to let you go.

I write this letter
knowing I will never send it

but needing to admit the truth,

even if it's just to myself.

You will always be
the one that got away.

Love, Maya.

- Hey!
- Ugh.

- You again?
- God.

Just 'cause we don't
have the death penalty

doesn't mean you can
do whatever you please.

Yeah, sorry.

Three more times, I'm
giving you a warning.

What? They're back together?

Yeah, and Love Chalet
wants to host their wedding.

Zara said she wants, like, 15
bridesmaids in clear dresses...

I don't know... but she wants to
arrive in a pumpkin carriage...

You know, I don't need all
the tacky details of a wedding

I'm not even gonna go to.

- Hi.
- Hey.

I didn't know you were coming over.

Yeah, um,

can we talk?

So,

things have been kinda weird
between us lately, right?

Like, I'm not imagining this?

I don't know. Weird like what?

Well, the other night at the club,

you just kinda left
me, and then yesterday,

when Zara made that joke
about us being married,

you stopped breathing
for two whole minutes.

It just took me by surprise.

I mean, we've been
dating for a few weeks.

Look, um,

you know, we're great as friends.

And if we're not on the same page, um,

we could always just be friends.

Wait, you wanna break up?

No. No, no, no. I'm not saying that.

I...

But

if you're not that into this,

then yeah.

Okay, uh,

if that's how you feel,
let's just be friends.

Yeah, okay, cool.

Cool.

Please.

They're low-glycemic
pakoras for Dad's diabetes.

I'd rather lose a leg
than eat this crap.

Kashif, you must know
why Imam Iqbal is here.

You and Fatima have been
seeing each other for a month.

I should have met her parents by now.

Doesn't that seem a little fast?

Even Marks & Spencer has
a 90-day return policy.

Fatima is not a polo shirt, bacha.

It's time the families sat down
and talked about next steps.

I can't get a reputation for
facilitating sinful relations.

Sinful relations? We
haven't even held hands.

Kash, you like Fatima, don't you?

Yeah.

She's smart. She's beautiful.

She hates the same celebrities I do.

- It's the whole package, really.
- Well, then...

I don't want to pressure you, beta,

especially after your
last public humiliation.

But I would really like to hold
my grandchildren before I die,

but no pressure.

Dude, Fatima's out of your league.

What's the problem?

Okay,

let's do it.

Let's meet the parents.

Babe, the venue can
only hold 200 people.

You have over 300 on your list.

What am I supposed to do, Craig?

They're all special to
me... every one of them.

Really? Who's Penny Jackson?

My third cousin by marriage
on my mother's side.

We're very close. I haven't
seen her in 20 years.

Okay, well, uh,

I mean, I guess I can take
some people off my list.

But there's only 30 names.

Well, I guess I'm not as popular as you.

What's wrong? Craig?

There's so many people I wanna
come to wedding that won't be there.

- You mean your daughter?
- Yeah.

Maybe she could be a flower girl...

better than my bitch niece.

No, I promised Julia
I wouldn't contact her.

I know it's hard, but be patient.

I bet when Molly gets married
in ten years, you'll be there.

Ten years? She's only five.

Well, she doesn't have a dad.

Oh.

And what about Ainsley? Maybe
you should try calling her again.

I have a dozen times.

I don't know what more I can do.

Did you pick centerpieces yet?

I liked the feathered ones,
although I am concerned

about how many peacocks
will have to die.

No, we've moved on to the guest list,

which, by the way, Ainsley's not coming,

so you can bring a plus one.

Mate, I'm sorry.

That's my fault,

which makes this
somewhat awkward to ask.

Could I have a plus three?

Fatima can only come if
we bring our chaperones.

Don't think so.

Sorry, Kash. We're at capacity.

Zara, your hairdresser's
hairdresser's coming.

It's fine. Thanks, man.

Um, hi.

Hi.

Why did Duffy post a
picture of Sylvia Plath

and then write "mood" underneath?

Oh, yeah. We kinda broke up.

What? You broke up? What happened?

Nothing. It just didn't work out.

Uh-huh.

So... who's the other guy?

- What?
- Come on.

You always stay in relationships
way longer than you should

unless there's someone
else, so spill it, bitch.

There's no other guy. Duffy dumped me.

Why would he dump you?

He can't be gay... he dresses too bad.

It was my fault.

I think he could tell
I wasn't feeling it,

and so he tried to let me off the hook.

Even the way he broke
up with me was nice.

Oh.

- I feel terrible.
- Don't.

And you can't force yourself to
feel something you don't feel.

There was always something missing.

You know, that spark?

Like, you don't have to talk about it.

You just feel it every
time you're together.

I don't think I've felt
that way since eight grade

when Tommy Greeley felt me
up in the janitor's closet.

But I know what you mean.

Maybe you should think
about getting back out there.

- Ugh. You mean, like, dating?
- Yeah.

I am so not ready for that.

It doesn't have to be something serious;

just, you know, a hookup.

Do you know how hot
a guy would have to be

for me to sleep with him right now?

Like, a shirtless Hemsworth
could show up at our front door

and I'd be like, "Eh, I'm good."

I'm just saying.

I hear you watching Outlander at night.

The Scottish landscapes are beautiful.

Mm-hmm.

We share a wall.

Yo, that is the best film
I've ever seen in my life.

You say that about every film.

Yes, and I'm always right.

Have you ever considered film, or
are you more like a stage actor?

Bruv, I'm a banker with a headshot.

So why don't you go on auditions?

'Cause I have a full-time job.

I'm providing for my whole family.

Bruv, this is a side hustle economy.

Look at me. I own a mobile
phone shop. I'm a DJ.

I sell these dope bracelets on Etsy.

100% rat leather, innit?

Bruv, you've just got
to find an acting gig

that fits with your Goldman schedule.

Yeah, it doesn't exist. Trust me.

I've been looking at casting
calls for the past few weeks.

Every audition and rehearsal takes place

during the day when I'm at work.

It's not gonna happen for me.

Come with me.

- What? Where're you going?
- Come with me.

- I'ma show you. Boom.
- _

- _
- This is a play for kids.

Yeah, that's why it's perfect,
bruv. Kids got to go to school,

so you can do rehearsals
on nights and weekends.

I meant more like a proper
play at a proper theater;

not the place we did Oliver
Twist when we were ten.

Listen, yeah?

Everybody's got to start
somewhere, bruv, all right?

'Fore she became famous,
Cardi B was a stripper.

So was Channing Tatum.

Wait, should you strip?

What? Bruv.

Kash?

Kashif Khan, is it really you?

Mrs. Ali? I can't
believe you remember me.

Well, of course I remember you.

You were such a good little actor.

Do you remember me? Basheer.

I was Orphan number
four, and I had lice.

Do you still run the theater?

Yes. I'm directing The
Sound of Music this year.

Yo, have you got a
role for Kash in that?

What? No, no.

I don't think you need a random adult.

Well, actually, would you
want to play Captain Von Trapp?

What, seriously?

Well, otherwise, it'll
be me with a mustache.

But this is a much better
idea. You... think about it.

I'm in.

The tango is a game of seduction.

Your bodies need to move
together as one, okay?

And five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four.

Five, six, seven.

Okay, you know what? I
can't do this. I quit.

I just can't do it. I can't...

Craig, we're performing a wedding dance

on national television in
less than two months' time.

Move together as one with
me, or I'll kick your ass.

- Bryce, nice to see you.
- Hey.

I was just working on
some ideas for your place.

Ooh, I'm glad to hear it.

Right now, the only
décor I have's a...

a dead plant and a stack of pizza boxes.

_

Will I be receiving a draft
of this speech anytime soon,

or shall I bequeath it to
my next-of-kin in my will?

Sorry, sir. I was just finishing up.

No, she wasn't, sir. She was
wistfully gazing at Facebook.

- I don't get it.
- What now?

I don't get this whole thing.
This Von Trapp guy, yeah?

Yeah. Says he's in the navy,
but he lives in Austria.

- So what?
- Austria is landlocked.

I remember that from geography.

Bruv, it's based on a true story, okay?

Will you just help me learn the lines?

This is it.

Months of practice
have led to this moment.

Let's do this, babe.

Oh, honey, I'm...

Somehow, you've gotten worse.

Is it possible you could
both have some kind of

degenerative neurological disorder?

What are we gonna do, Craig?

Duffy.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Where have you been?

You keep missing game night.

Yeah, I've just been really
busy teaching, writing.

Got really into using my slow cooker

until campus security took it away.

It's okay to not wanna
see your ex for a minute.

She's still at work, by the way.

Yeah, I was kinda hoping that.

She has my blazer, and I really need it.

Oh, okay. Come on.

You know, I need the blazer

'cause I'm going to a rehearsal
dinner for an upcoming wedding

for a certain African-American
guy who works in finance.

Name rhymes with egg...

I know this weekend is
Craig's wedding, okay?

- No, I haven't changed my mind.
- Come on, Ains.

It's Craig, the guy who pretended

to be one of Beyoncé's backup dancers

so you could get backstage.

Well, even if I wanted to go, I can't.

I have a big job that night.

Ainsley, you're not
gonna get another chance

to see Craig get married

unless you watch it on TV or stream
it live on the Love Chalet app.

Here. Take the blazer and go.

Ainsley, come on.

"I wish I could've told
you how I really felt.

Of course I still have feelings for you,

but I know that being
together would jeopardize

one of the most important
friendships of my life."

Oh, God.

She's still in love with me.

"I write this letter
knowing I will never send it,

but needing to admit the truth,

even if it's just to myself.

You will always be
the one that got away.

Love, Maya."

I don't know, man. Are
you sure it's for you?

She didn't write, "Dear Duffy."

She didn't write "Dear Anyone."

It's a poetic rumination.

God, Craig, you are so literal.

The poor thing's been wearing my jacket,

writing letters, trying to get over me.

And why did you break up with her again?

Because I'm an idiot, all right?

I only floated the idea that
maybe we would end things

because... I thought she
was gonna dump me first.

Classic "quit before you get fired."

We've all done it.

Yeah, but Maya wasn't pulling away.

She was just afraid of how
intense her feelings were getting.

"I've never felt like
this before with anyone,

and yes, it scares me."

God, why can't I just accept
that I am cool and awesome,

and women want to be with me?

So are you gonna talk to her or not?

I don't know, man.

I mean, it says right here she
didn't mean for me to read this.

So... I don't know what to do.

Well, I think when it comes to love,

you gotta go big or go home.

That's what I did with Zara,

and now I'm marrying my best friend.

Do these pants make
my dick look too big?

When Kash was young, I
worried he would never find

a nice Muslim girl.

He was always staring at his
poster of Xena: Warrior Princess.

Okay, Dad, I think that's enough

embarrassing stories for one night.

Well, it's getting late.

Thank you, Haroon Bhai,
for a wonderful meal.

You've raised a fine lad.

It was our pleasure.

We must do this again soon.

That wasn't so bad.

Okay, great, so, same
again tomorrow night?

Oh, no, God, please, no.

I'm happy you love pakoras.

Bye, Uncle. Thank you.

Bye-bye.

Well, I think that went
pretty well, don't you?

You were perfect, beta.

That family's loaded!

The mum left her shoes in the hall.

Red bottoms, baby! Cha-ching!

Fatima is a good girl
from a fine family.

This is a great match.

Yeah, I think so too.

So, we've met the parents. What's next?

♪ I can feel it, I can feel it ♪

♪ Getting better, getting better ♪

♪ And to know the way you see it ♪

♪ Just remember it's forever ♪

♪ Holding on ♪

- Hi. Thank you.
- Have a good night.

♪ Holding on ♪

Duffy, hi.

I feel like I haven't
seen you in a long time.

Yeah, I've been really sorry about that.

- You look great.
- Oh, yeah? You like?

Yeah, I love.

I know.

I'm really sorry, but I
have to go back to the hotel.

- You forgot the rings?
- I forgot the rings.

But I will see you later.

Yeah, well, save a
dance for me later, okay?

Definitely.

Hey, make sure you line the edges up.

Can't believe you're making
us work on a Saturday night.

In my culture, it's a
very important party night.

Hey, not bad.

Oh, yeah, and you didn't
think I could do it.

Well, I didn't see why you'd want to.

Figured you had something better to do

on a Saturday night
than put up wallpaper.

Fine. You can leave.

Laters.

Oh... Wow.

You are extra.

Have fun. Make good choices.

I won't!

Excuse me.

Hey, uh, vodka soda,
splash of cranberry.

I know you.

How do I know you?

What... were you a
contestant on Wet Date?

Oh, no, uh,

we met at Craig and
Zara's engagement party.

- I'm Maya.
- Right.

Yeah, Garrett. Hi.

Um... Look, I...

I don't know if you read
the tabloids, but, um,

I've actually recovered from
my bronzer poisoning now.

- Oh, great.
- Yeah.

Great. Congratulations.

Thanks.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- How have you been?
- Good.

Really good, actually.

You'll be pleased to know
I've been cast in a play.

No way. Kash, that's great.

What's the play?

Sound of Music. It's community
theater. It's nothing fancy.

Still, you're doing it.

Well, I think I'm the only person
in the show who can legally drink,

so the cast party may not be great.

But, yeah.

I'm doing it. I have
you to thank for that.

What did I do?

You basically called me a
coward for not pursuing my dream.

Yeah, right. Um...

I'm sorry about that.

No, it's fine.

I needed a kick up the ass.

Thank you.

Kash, oh, my gosh,
this wedding is bonkers.

There's an ice sculpture
shaped like Cupid

pointing his arrow at an ice sculpture

shaped like Craig and
Zara, and they're all naked.

Full naked, bruv. Hey,
nice to see you, Maya.

Sorry if I'm looking around.
My mini quiche radar is up.

The guy's avoiding me 'cause
he said I took too many.

It's good to see you too.

- Hi, I'm Maya.
- Hi.

- Are you here with Bash?
- Um, no.

Uh, actually, Fatima's here with me.

- Oh, sorry, my mistake.
- Oh, it's okay.

Um, Bash and my grandmother
are here as our chaperones.

Them the rules for
arranged marriages, so...

Uh-huh.

Hey, yo, where's your
date tonight, Maya?

Oh, I'm... I don't have one.

I'm flying solo tonight.

_

♪ Until our hearts are barely beating ♪

♪ I'm gonna stay ♪

♪ Right where we are ♪

♪ Until we're old ♪

♪ And barely breathing ♪

♪ Till death do us part ♪

♪ Till death do us part ♪

♪ And only love can be this honest ♪

♪ I swear that I'll never ♪

♪ Go too far ♪

♪ Darling, it's true ♪

♪ For you, I promise ♪

♪ Till death do us part ♪

♪ Till death do us part ♪

I'm so nervous.

Don't be. You got this.

Craig,

I vow to love you more each day.

Every second with you is a gift,

and by the time I'm done unwrapping it,

oh, look, another
gift of another second.

In summary...

You are my everything.

Cut!

Come on!

Oh, God. This is intolerable.

I'm sorry, love. Your tears
are ruining your makeup.

and the meaningful part that their

Stay Ten Nights, Get One Free
rewards program has played

in your love story.

Okay, going again.

From the top.

All right, everyone, from the top.

Reset, and action.

So nervous.

Don't be. You got this.

It's getting pretty late.

You know you can finish
this up next week.

Oh, I don't mind.

All my friends are at
Craig's wedding anyway,

so might as well get some work done.

- Wait, Craig's wedding's
tonight? - Mm-hmm.

And now, if I series record Love Chalet,

do I get it, or is this a special?

I don't know, and I don't care.

Come on, for the last two months,

that's all you've talked
about is this wedding.

Obviously, you care.

Yeah, I care about the fact
that I got stabbed in the back

- by one of my best friends.
- Bullshit. That's not why you're mad.

- Excuse me?
- If you were only mad at Craig

who was just hanging out with
your ex, you'd be over it by now.

The real reason you're pissed

is he's getting a
wedding, and you didn't.

No, that is so superficial.

That would make me a
terrible, selfish person.

Well, no more than me.

I sunk the boat I named after my wife.

Now I gotta fish off the dock.

Do you think I should've gone?

I don't know.

If somebody matters to
you, you show up for them,

especially on the most
important day of their life.

Oh, my God. What am I doing?

I'm not going to Craig's
wedding because I'm jealous?

Boat ain't sunk yet.

Hey.

So this is my life now.

I've been relegated to
the sad singles table.

What do you mean?

Hey!

Oh, wow. Oh, God.

I've been at the American
table, the black table,

the ex-girlfriend table,
but never the spinster table.

Spinster?

How dare you. I'm a widow.

Oh, my God, Gemma, I am so sorry.

It must be really hard to
be here without Quentin.

It is.

And Quentin never
cared much for weddings,

but we did like to make
fun of the other guests,

like that man over there.

Quentin would've said,
"Who wore it better?

Him or Beetlejuice?"

I miss the old bastard.

So what's a lovely bird like
you doing at a singles table?

My husband died.

Right.

Just... just carry on, then.

Will you excuse me for a moment?

Tonight is about love and second chances

for Craig and Zara,

and for me.

Maya, will you please come up here?

- Duffy?
- Oh, God, Gemma.

What on Earth are you doing?

Just practicing my best man speech.

I wouldn't worry too much.

I heard the maid of honor's
toast. It's just a dirty limerick.

Yeah, well, mine is a
little bit more than a toast.

Um...

I'm gonna tell Maya that I love her

and I want her back
in front of everyone.

- Go big or go home.
- Oh, you should go home.

No, no, no. This is
actually a great idea.

Um, I found a secret love
letter that Maya wrote me.

I don't believe that. No offense.

Why does nobody believe
that someone could love me,

kay, 'cause she did and she does.

Look.

- Okay, well, give me that.
- No, Gemma, Gemma...

Get off... get off.

This isn't for you.

Okay, I know it doesn't
say "Dear Duffy."

- It's a poetic rumination...
- No, no, no. I mean, look at this bit.

It says she wants to run her
fingers through his dark hair.

I mean, your hair is, like, dirty blond.

That's because it's been
lightened by the British sun.

"I wish things weren't so complicated."

What's complicated?

You're two friends who
dated for five seconds

and had an amicable breakup.

I'm sorry. I think you're
seeing what you want to see.

No, you don't know what
you're talking about.

Who else would she be
writing love letters to?

Aww.

♪ Smoking hot to the eighth degree ♪

♪ You light me up inside ♪

♪ And make me come alive ♪

♪ You know you hit me like, like, like ♪

Good evening.

Welcome to Craig and Zara's wedding,

We now invite our bride and
groom up for their first dance.

Hit it, Captain Obvious.

Whoo!

Oh, oh, oh, man!

I think I... I think I pulled something,

you know, doing that big
move, you know what I mean?

Y'all enjoy that?

Yeah, y'all like that?

Shots on me, all right? Shots on me!

Come on, baby. I need you over here.

Hey, yo, listen.

This is the best cake I'd ever
tasted my whole life, you understand?

I always thought if I do get married,

I'd do a sundae bar,
but not anymore, mate.

What do you mean, "if"
you ever get married?

You're, like, the most
eligible bachelor in Hounslow.

Yeah, right. You're just
trying to butter me up

'cause you want my cake. Let's
do this. You wanna try it?

You try it. Go on, now, go on.

- What happened?
- It's good, it's good.

I'll be right back.

Uh-oh, another American trying
to marry into the royal family.

Nah, they've already hit
their diversity quota.

Sorry if that was a bit weird earlier.

Oh, not at all.

Your girlfriend seems really nice.

How long have you guys been together?

I'm not sure exactly.

Not too long... about three months?

Three months?

- Hm?
- _

Why?

_

_

Can you stop?

Dancing and that.

Yep.

Hey, listen, I don't suppose
that you wanna dance with me?

Probably not.

Um, yes.

- Huh?
- Yes, actually.

I would love to.

Yeah? Okay.

♪ I don't know what it is ♪

♪ That makes me love you so ♪

Oh, my gosh, okay.

I... I love this song.

You sung this at your year
eight talent contest, right?

Um, yes. How... what... um...

- Oh, can I?
- Yeah.

- Okay.
- How did... wait, how did you know that?

Nani told me.

She did also say that
Sherena Patel beat you

'cause she was doing some
next provocative dance

- with Genie in a Bottle?
- She did.

I can't...

I can't believe you wasted
brain space remembering that.

Okay, and then what else did,
uh, Nani tell you about me?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Okay, all right, so, there
was this one thing, yeah?

- Yes?
- She said you got busted

for smoking a cheeky cigarette
behind the bike shed at school.

Is that right? And you told your dad

- you were holding it for someone else.
- Yeah, well...

yeah, but it didn't work 'cause
I was grounded for, like, a year.

Mad. Well, listen.

You was a little rebel back
in the day. I appreciate that.

Yeah, well...

That was a long time ago.

Now I am a proper adult,
you know, with a pension.

Okay, yeah. I mean, it's good.

Just, sometimes I wonder if

I've grown up to be a bit of a bore.

Are you crazy, girl? Stop.

Give mine a spin. Come, let's do this.

You speak four languages.
You love cheesy horror movies.

Bloody hell, you dominate at darts.

Real talk. You're one of
the sickest people I know.

- Can we two step, 'cause I don't like...
- Yep, let's do it.

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

This is... yep, can
we do this? Very hot.

So that night at the hospital
when you said you still

think about the first time
we met, you were with her?

No... yes, but we'd only
just started hanging out.

And at Craig's engagement party,

when you said there was
something between us?

There is something between us.

But you can't say shit like that
when you're with somebody else.

Things only recently
got serious with Fatima,

and that's because you shut me down.

You said you didn't
have any feelings for me.

Of course I have feelings for you.

I have since the first time we met.

What? Why didn't you say anything?

Because I can't keep doing this.

I can't keep choosing
to be with the wrong guy:

My married boss, my...
my best friend's ex.

I just...

I don't wanna be the person

that hurts everyone around
her to get what she wants.

I don't either.

But every time I see you...

I know.

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

Hey, save it for the honeymoon.

Speaking of which,

our viewers have voted.

Craig, Zara,

you'll be spending ten days

in beautiful Antarctica.

Aww.

Now for my favorite
part of this evening...

the toasts.

Everyone, give it up for the best man.

All right, whoo! D-U-F-F!

Hello, hi.

Uh...

It's, um, amazing

when you can find love
in your best friend.

Wait!

- Ainsley, Oh, my God.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Hi. I'm sorry.

Hey, no, I'll just take two seconds.

Thank you. Sorry. H... hi.

H... hi.

Hi. I'm Ainsley.

Uh, I'm one of Craig's
friends from college.

I wasn't planning on coming tonight,

obviously,

but, um,

there's something I have to say.

A few months ago,

I was supposed to have a wedding.

I was supposed to have all of this.

Well, maybe not the ice sculptures,

or the liberal use of
giant self-portraits,

but the point is,

my wedding didn't happen.

And I was afraid that
if I came here tonight,

I would have to relive that.

But then someone told me

that you show up for the people

who matter the most to you.

And over the course of our friendship,

Craig has shown up
for me a million times.

He helped me when I was
gonna lose my business.

He came to pick me up in Burundi

when I bailed on the Peace Corps.

He will literally go
to the ends of the Earth

for the people he loves.

Craig,

our friendship has survived

your skater boy phase,

my Twilight obsession,

the month I managed your blues band...

Oh, shit.

And a move across the Atlantic.

I know it will survive this too.

I love you very, very much.

And I wish you and Zara
a lifetime of happiness.

Mm. Come here.

I'm so glad you're here.

Me too.

Okay, sorry, uh, enough about me.

Um, Duffy is our funniest friend,

so get ready for the
greatest best man speech ever!

Take it away!

Ainsley, that was lovely.

So, yeah, it is amazing when you can

find love with your best
friend like Craig and Zara.

And, um...

Oh...

Yeah, so, uh,

I'm just gonna open it
up to questions now, so...

Oh, God.

Okay, yeah, um...

I'm so sorry.

Uh...

Yeah, so just give it
up to Craig and Zara.

I'm so glad that it
worked out for you two.

Oh, God.

Right, best man was a disaster,

so we'll cut him in post.

Moving on!

We're back in five, everyone.

♪ Come too far to give up ♪

Hey, I'm heading out.
Thanks for having me.

Aww, you're the only
person who's said good-bye.

Most of my friends have gone to
hospital with alcohol poisoning.

Hey, Ainsley.

Hey.

Really good to see you.

Well, I had to come.

I wanted to know what the
end of a wedding looks like.

♪ We're up all night to get some ♪

♪ We're up all night for good fun ♪

♪ We're up all night to get lucky ♪

That's how you smoke?

You look like Sandy from Grease.

Are you okay?

You're right about the letter.

Maya's in love with somebody else.

Oh.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Who is it?

Doesn't matter.

♪ Your thoughts escape me ♪

♪ Don't tell me when ♪

♪ It's time to close my ♪

♪ Eyes ♪

♪ I don't believe in love ♪

Uh, shot of tequila, please.

Nice overalls. Did you
have to valet a tractor?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.

I look like a Beverly
Hillbilly, but I don't care

'cause I'm having a great time.

Uh, well, good for you.

Um...

I'm not. I, uh...

I struck out with every girl here.

Oh...

And I've just spilled wine on myself.

Mm-hmm. Excuse me.

Hey, you wanna get out of here?

Fine.

All right, I'll go.

Jeez, way to kick a guy when he's down.

No, I mean,

do you wanna come back to my place?

For sex, Garrett.

Shake a leg before I change my mind.

Okay, thank you two for a sick night.

- Take care, man.
- See you, my brother.

Bye.

Can I just say 'fore I go, yeah,

these past few months
being your chaperone...

it's been a pleasure, you know?

Imagine all the fun we're gonna
have on your honeymoon and that, mm?

Take care, bruv.

See you later, my brother.

- And Fati?
- Yeah?

Killer moves on the
dance floor, you know?

Oh, yeah. I had a really good night too.

You was busting them
moves! I'm very impressed.

Be safe, yeah?

Right. Let's get you two home.

Fatima? You okay?

Uh, um...

You know what? Um, I'm...

- I'm sorry.
- What? What's wrong?

Um, I really... I really...

I don't want to hurt you or, um,

your father, or Asif,

who added me on Instagram already,

but I don't think this is going to work.

What do you mean? I thought
things were going well.

- We were having fun.
- Yes, we do.

Um, I've...

I've enjoyed all our time together,

um, but it's, um, not
because of you per se.

To be honest, you can
be quite moody sometimes,

and, um, and you're always
complaining about your job,

which I agree sounds...
it sounds terribly boring,

but sometimes I find
myself zoning out when, um,

when you talk.

Oh, okay.

Um, tonight,

I, uh, I...

well, I realized that the, um,

the real reason I look
forward to our dates

is because I know I'll get to see...

Bash.

I...

I think I have feelings for Bash.

Oh.

Hey.

Dude, what happened with your toast?

- That was rough.
- What happened?

You know, I had this whole
romantic speech planned out

about love and second
chances, and at the end,

I was gonna ask you to
get back together with me.

But then I realized that I'm an idiot

because you're in love with Kash.

- What are you talking about?
- Don't deny it, Maya.

I found your letter.

- It is not what you think.
- Yeah, you know what?

I don't care.

I'm done...

for good this time.

Duffy, nothing happened.

Please don't tell anyone.

Yeah, I would never
hurt Ainsley like that.

Duffy.

Duffy!