Four Weddings and a Funeral (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 8 - Game Night - full transcript

Previously on
Four Weddings and a Funeral...

You won't have to work
double shifts anymore.

I'm gonna take care of you.
Both of you.

- Hey, guys.
- How was your honeymoon?

Were you at a nudist colony?

No, this was just Heathrow
before we left.

Fatim and I broke up.

Turns out she's in love
with this guy.

Huh?

I like you.

I'd be mad at myself
if I let you walk away



without telling you how I feel.

- I'm sorry.
- I just can't.

You may have been brave once,
but now you only help

rich, old white people.

I just hate that people
might think I'm the bad guy.

I'd like to personally fund
the renovations

of this whole theater.

I'm glad you came tonight, Tony.

You're someone
worth remembering.

You gave me the courage
to act again.

I'm happy, and it's all
because of you.

Well, I should head home.

Can I walk you?

It's, like, ten miles away.



Let's see how far we get.

Okay.

So you've lived
in London for several months,

and you still haven't had
proper fish and chips?

I guess I'm rarely hungry for two
kinds of grease at the same time.

Okay, we need to remedy this.

That's like going to America
and not being in a competition

with your friends
to lose your virginity.

What?

- I haven't been.
- I just watch films.

I wish my dad would remarry.

I know he doesn't want me to feel
responsible for his happiness,

but how can I not?

Oh, you're lucky.

My dad's very clear that I'm solely
responsible for his happiness.

"Kashif, why is it not called
Goldman, Sachs, and Kahn?

Can you ask?
It would mean so much to me."

Okay, I know I've said this
a million times,

but I really should head home.

Yeah, I guess we've been
talking since yesterday.

And we're two blocks
from your house.

Huh.

- Okay, um...
- Okay.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Can I see you again?

I don't know. I-I want to,
but what about Ainsley?

Am I just gonna destroy
our friendship

to date someone I hardly know?

So let's get to know each other.

We don't have to date.
We can just hang out.

No, no, no, no, no.

I used to hang out
with my married boss.

I promise you this
will be totally platonic.

I just think we owe it to
ourselves

and to whatever this is

to spend a little
more time together.

That's all I'm asking.

Like we're researching

to test the hypothesis
that we should be together?

- Exactly.
- See?

You've already made it sound
very unsexy.

So...

can I see you again?

Okay, but we're not going
anywhere romantic,

and I'm gonna dress
like I'm on my period.

Deal.

Okay.

- Bye.
- Bye.

♪ You've got a sweet
little place in my heart ♪

♪ Like a sweet little rain
takes care of the flowers ♪

♪ And that's love ♪

♪ A good kind of love,
good kind of love ♪

Were you with Kash last night?

Tony 2 texted me that you
were at a play with Kash.

Yeah, um, Marcus got Andrew

to fund this community theater,
and Kash was randomly involved.

That's so weird.

Why didn't you tell me?

I just... I didn't want
to upset you.

I would have told you not to go.

I know, and I had to.

You know,
this was Marcus's project,

and he worked really hard on it.

I'm sorry,
I thought you hated Marcus.

Since when do you
care about him?

No, I...

I mean, I-I guess
I did at first,

but then he, you know,
kind of grew on me over time.

Like, you know when
we first met Craig?

Yeah.

Did Kash look bad?

- Yeah.
- Yes.

Really bad.
I think he's losing his hair.

Good.

Morning.

Oh, you're awake.

Did you have a good sleep?

Mm, quite...

until you poked me.

So what are we doing today?

"We"?

You mean you're staying?

I had hoped to,
unless you want me to leave.

Well, I-I want you to stay.

It's just, um,
I don't know what to do.

Most of my relationships
don't get this far.

Okay, well, there's no need

to send out the wedding
invitations just yet.

Why don't we, um...

Why don't we start
with a cup of tea?

- Oh, that sounds nice.
- I'd love one.

As would I.

- Oh, of course.
- I'll put the kettle on.

So, Nigel,
it's nice to meet you.

Zara says you're the most expensive
publicist that contacted her.

Guilty.

I told Zara, when she walks
in here, she'll be a woman.

But when she walks out,
she'll be a brand.

But we have to act fast.
Right now you're white-hot.

But reality fame
doesn't last long.

I mean, we've already
forgotten about Cazzandra.

Who's that?

She happens to be the winner
of Stripper Party.

She also happens to be my wife.

You need to think about how
to monetize your brand.

What product would you like
to endorse?

Mm, a car that can fly.

More like a product that exists.

Wine, shapewear,
yogurt to help you poop.

Who is Zara?

And more importantly,
what does she sell?

Andrew, you can't vote
yes on this immigration bill.

Calm down, Che Guevara.

Even with my vote,
it won't pass.

So you just want to be on the
wrong side of history for fun?

This is politics.

Only by voting for this bill

can I gain the support I need
for my passion project.

- And what is that?
- Elbow-patch preservation?

A retirement home for foxhounds?

No. Restoring Britain's
historic bridges.

Did you know that the girders
of Blackfriars Bridge

haven't been scrubbed since
the Great Smog of 1952?

And for that you're willing
to ruin the lives

of thousands
of innocent immigrants?

No, but I'm willing
to pretend that I am.

What's next?

You have been invited to
the royal debut of Lady Elaine

at the Chelsea Physic Garden.

RSVP for one?

- Oh, yes.
- Uh... uh, wait.

No, uh, I will be bringing
a guest...

Tony, my boyfriend.

Wait, you're dating Tony 2?

And he knows?

Yes.

Why is it so hard to believe
that I have a boyfriend?

I am a member of Parliament,
and I have my original hair.

Okay, uh, I will RSVP for two.

Mm.

I'm sure Lady Elaine will be
as thrilled for you as I am.

Well, Lady Elaine is an orchid.

- I can't with this country.
- I...

- That's brilliant.
- Thank you.

Hey, did you know it's bad
to buy blood diamonds?

Yeah, dude. The word "blood"
didn't tip you off?

Are Bloody Marys bad?

What am I supposed
to drink for brunch?

- You're right.
- That's exactly the same thing.

What are you reading?

Researching for our African
equities presentation.

- Oh, shit.
- When is that, again?

- Dude.
- Dude, you forgot about it?

Sorry. Look, I know I've been
distracted with the play,

but I promise I will get
my head back in the game

and get started on
that presentation... tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

A casting director who saw me in The
Sound of Music got me an audition.

- Oh!
- That's amazing!

What... what's it for?
What, Star Wars? What?

A Marvel movie?

TV commercial
for depression medicine.

- Just as cool.
- Right?

Yeah, yeah, that... that's
just as cool.

I can't stay long.

I have to drive Duffy
back to Peath

after he's finished
tutoring Giles.

He gets bullied by teens
when he takes the train.

Hmm. Hey, is there a book
of fabric samples over there?

- No.
- Oh, damn it.

I think I left it at Bryce's.

- So pick it up.
- You're always over there.

No, things are sort of...

weird with us right now.

Why?

Did he realize
your rustic chic style

is mostly overpriced junk
from the flea market?

- No.
- Do you think that?

No, of course not.

So what happened?

Oh...

he kissed me.

- I knew it!
- What?

- What did you know?
- I knew you liked him.

Oh.

You're always going on
about how clever he is

and how easy he is to talk to,

and it does not take five months

to decorate a two-bedroom house.

I mean, it's just ordering
furniture from a catalog.

Okay, you really have
no respect for my job.

And you're wrong.
I do not like him.

Not like that, anyway.

All right, understood.

You know, I could pick up
the samples for you.

His house is on my way to Peath.

- Really? Thank you.
- Mm.

Oh, while you're there...

he's terrible
at keeping plants alive.

Tell him he only has
to water that once a year.

How considerate of you

for someone
you care nothing about.

Okay, so you said
nothing romantic.

- Nope.
- So...

I thought I'd take you to
a night of experimental jazz.

Oh, I hate jazz.

This is perfect.

Oh, my God, it's Ainsley.
We have to leave.

Uh, I think that's a blonde man.

- No, I don't care.
- This is too risky, okay?

- What about your place?
- I live with my dad.

God.

But I do know somewhere
we can go.

♪ ♪

Are you sure
he's okay with this?

Yeah. He's never home
'cause he DJs at night.

And why do you have
a key to his place?

I don't know, but he insisted.

Hey, before we go in there...

we're just hanging out, right?

Yes, I promise you.

Basheer's flat is the least
romantic place in the world.

♪ ♪

- Kash.
- I swear this wasn't me.

Will you marry me?

- Kash.
- No, me.

Um...

Congratulations.

I love my child,

but I can't afford to take
the day off work for her fever.

Cough Away.
It makes the cough go away.

♪ Oh, I want the best for you ♪

♪ I got so much respect
for you ♪

♪ I'll never hurt you,
my dear ♪

♪ I'm gonna try
to build this trust ♪

♪ And I don't want
to fill it up ♪

With the things that you
think you want to hear ♪

♪ You've been
patiently awaiting ♪

♪ On me to say it ♪

♪ Say it out loud ♪

♪ And I want to
'cause I want you ♪

♪ But I need time,
time to come around ♪

♪ 'Cause when I tell you
everything I'm feeling ♪

♪ Every word is straight
from my heart ♪

♪ If I'm speaking ♪

♪ Say it out loud ♪

♪ You've been patient... ♪

Mmm.

Mmm. Oh.

Mmm.

Ah.

Surprise!

Oh! Hi!

What are you doing here?

Oh, I was just
in the neighborhood.

- I thought we could grab lunch.
- Oh, thank God.

I've been listening to this one
slurp ramen for the last 45 minutes.

Uh, sorry, that's offensive.

You know that eating loudly
is my greatest insecurity.

Hi, I'm... I'm Ainsley,
by the way, Maya's best friend.

- Marcus.
- Nice to meet you.

And sorry about
your taste in friends.

He's handsome.

Seems like you two have
a cute little rapport.

- Cute rapport?
- You mean open hostility?

Yeah, but in that sexy way where
you're always at each other's throats,

and then one day to shut each
other up, you start kissing.

Okay, you're insane,
and you watch too much TV.

I don't know. I think
somebody has a little crush.

Oh, God.

- Bye, Marcus!
- Oh, my God.

Oh, I can't tell you
how wonderful it feels

to be the youngest person
at a party again.

If the right song comes on,

I might have
to take my shirt off.

- Oh...
- Oh, calm down.

I'm just playing.

I know you're nervous

about your scandalously
handsome boyfriend being here.

I just want my friends
to like you.

What's not to like?

I'm a gay man of color

who enjoys pointing out class
discrimination and hypocrisy.

Andrew!

I'd hoped you'd be here.

I wanted to thank you for
supporting my immigration bill.

You're lucky to be working
for such a brave man.

No, Tony doesn't work for me.

He's my date.

Rupert Everleigh,
this is Tony James,

a very talented
interior designer.

Tony, this is the minister.

Interior design, eh?

Well, what do you think of
the Lady Elaine orchid, Tony?

Are these hothouse flowers
worth all the trouble?

Oh, I love her.

Lady Elaine
is a high-maintenance girl.

I completely relate.

Yes, well, I'm just glad

they've chosen a native English
flower this year

and not one of those blasted
invasive species

like the Japanese knotweed.

Don't we have
enough foreigners here

without having to let
their plants in, too?

How could you say
something like that?

Well, if you keep out
all the foreign plants,

where on earth would they get
a good cup of tea, Rupert?

We can hardly let a hard border
ruin our tea time,

now, can we?

Uh, speaking of ruining
tea time, here comes my wife.

Excuse me.

Now, the acquisition of FBS

allows access
to billions of dollars

of unregulated
cash transactions.

Am I talking about arms dealing?

And what exactly are arms?

- What are you doing?
- Airplane mode, dick.

I got a missed call
from the casting director.

Okay, Mr. Khan
and Mr. Thompson

are going to take us through
some analytics

on the Central African
equities markets.

- I'm so sorry.
- Just one second.

- I can start.
- Um, good morning...

Okay, thanks for calling.

You know, when you think about
the juncture that we are in...

Yes, yes!

Sorry about that.

Death in the family.

How could you fire me?

You just walked out
of a presentation

to accept another job.

You are completely checked out.

Oh, God, what am
I gonna tell my dad?

Well, what's the worst
that can happen, Kash?

Not like you still
live with him.

You were the hit of the party.

You even pulled focus
from Lady Elaine.

And don't think
she didn't notice.

Hmm?

Oh, yeah, well I'm glad
I didn't embarrass you.

I'm not even joking.

I was literally there
this morn. I didn't know...

Oh, my God. Hi, Tony 2.

- Tony.
- Oh, my gosh.

How are you?
It's been ages.

Yeah, and yet I look
even younger, I know.

Well, fancy seeing you here.

We're just on the way

to Royal Vauxhall Tavern
for beef mince.

- Mmm, sounds delicious.
- Who's the chef there?

- Oh, my God.
- That's hilarious.

It's a dance club.

- Yes, I know.
- I was joking.

I'm Andrew Aldridge, MP.
I'm Tony's...

Friend.

Well, we're actually
gonna go now

because this
has been really boring.

Bye.

Wait, so Ainsley likes Bryce?

Oh, absolutely.

So then what's the problem?

- She doesn't know it yet.
- Oh, yeah.

- And why do I have this plant?
- Shh, shh, shh.

Hello.

I gave at church.

Oh, actually, Bryce,
we're here for Ainsley.

She said she left a book
of samples here.

Oh, yeah, and it was too awkward

for her to come
pick them up herself?

- Oh, no, that's not...
- That's exactly it.

Right.

I have them right here.

Okay, have a good night.

Oh, actually,

Bryce, that's not
the only reason we're here.

Could we come in
for a little chat?

To your first professional
acting job.

Oh, Kash, I'm so happy for you.

I wish I didn't get fired
in the process,

but thank you.

Oh, um, I want to show
you something.

Okay.

So Basheer's wedding
is in a couple of weeks.

Already? Wow, that was fast.

Yeah, well, that's what happens
with these big Asian weddings.

Got to do it quick before
the grandparents remember

they've got a land dispute
in Pakistan.

I was thinking maybe
you'd want to come with me.

Oh, uh, I don't know.

It's a wedding... something you
bring a girlfriend to.

Yeah, but this
is a Muslim wedding.

There's no alcohol,
no slow dancing.

It'll be like going on a date
in the Footloose town.

- Yeah, well, we don't date.
- We just hang out.

You know, we've been
doing this for weeks.

How much longer are we gonna
keep hanging out?

I don't know.

What about Ainsley?

I just don't know
if I can do this to her.

I get it. I don't want
to hurt Ainsley either.

- You have nothing to lose.
- I do.

What if we date for six months
and it doesn't work out...

and Ainsley and all of my
friends hate me for nothing?

What if it does work out?

It's all what-ifs,
but at a certain point,

you've got to make a decision
that it's worth the risk.

Well, I don't know yet.

Well, that sounds
like a decision.

Yeah, maybe it does.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Are you sure you want
to eat here?

Yes, I've never had
Caribbean food before.

I thought it would be nice
to celebrate your culture.

You're certainly always
complaining

about how much
we celebrate mine.

Oh, the tail of the animal...
How resourceful.

♪ ♪

Look, Andrew, I, um...

I've been thinking, and I...

I don't think it's gonna
work out between us.

What do you mean?

My friends loved meeting you
the other day.

Rupert's offered to take us
on a hunting trip.

Although between you and me,

I'm concerned it's a ruse
to murder his wife.

I don't want to go
on the hunting trip!

♪ ♪

Okay.

And what is the problem?

The problem is that,
you know, I...

I can fit into your world
when I vaguely try, but...

♪ ♪

I'm afraid
that you don't fit into mine.

Oh, but I-I can fit in.

I-I'm here, and I'm excited
to try a plantain...

or fairly excited.

- Andrew, please stop.
- Just... I...

No, it's...
This isn't going to work.

I'm sorry.

Oh.

Now this dinner celebrating
Lord Whitmore...

is that a man or a flower?

- Don't be ridiculous.
- It's a female horse.

Of course.

Will you be bringing a plus-one?

No, that won't be necessary.

Oh.

Not that it's anyone's business,

but we parted ways

a few weeks ago.

Andrew, I'm so sorry.

- About what?
- I'm over it.

Tony 2?
More like Tony Who?

Okay, well, good to know.

I'm glad you told me, actually.
I'm seeing him tomorrow night.

- Really?
- Why? I don't care.

He's coming to this game night thing
we're having at my friend Craig's.

- Oh, and who's Craig?
- His sexy new boy toy?

Well, you can tell him and Craig

that they can both go to hell.

- No, uh, Craig is my friend.
- He's married.

Oh, well, in that case,

you best not say anything,
I guess.

Get out of my office.

I got to tell you, man...
I really miss you at work.

Plus, you know it's bad

when I'm the best player
on the office cricket team.

I miss you, too, mate.

- Can't say I miss Goldman.
- Yeah.

How'd your dad take it when
you told him you got fired?

- Oh, I haven't.
- Oh.

Tonight's Basheer
and Fatima's wedding,

and he's still mad
that I'm not marrying her.

I have to stagger
the disappointments.

Wait, wait, wait,
tonight's their wedding?

Yeah.

How come I wasn't invited?

They came to mine.

Isn't that protocol?

It's a small thing, right?

Eh, 500 people.

Are you shitting me?

Oh, hell, no.

Oh, hell, no.

Hey, Maya, I'm gonna go over

to Craig and Zara's early
if you want to...

Are you okay?
Are you crying?

No, um, I was...

I was just thinking
about all the dogs in the world

who will never get adopted.

- Yeah, that's really sad.
- Are you sure you're okay?

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

Um, you should go ahead
to Craig's.

I'll... I'll see you there
in a little bit?

Okay.

Mmm, the Yorkshire puddings
are ready.

Perfect.

Just like my nan used to make
on cold winter mornings.

I thought you said your
nan died in a knife fight

at a Sex Pistols concert
before you were born.

Quiet.

I'm capturing content,
and you ruined it.

- One more time, love.
- Okay.

Hello!

- Hey!
- Hey.

Oh, what's this?

Oh, it's for Zara's brand,
and this is her new publicist.

Hi.

- Nigel.
- Pleasure.

It's a pleasure to meet you,
but it's also my last name.

Pleasure.

Huh.

Uh, where's Maya?

Oh, she's coming.
There's something going on with her.

She seemed really upset
when I left the house,

but she wouldn't tell me
what was going on.

I feel like she's been
in a funk for weeks.

Do you think it's about a guy?

No, she would tell me.

Yeah, that's true.

Did she mention
something to you?

No, but...

What?

Well, Duffy said he found
this love letter

she wrote a few months ago.

He thought it was for him.

But it wasn't.

- Wait.
- I know exactly who it is.

It's that guy Marcus
she works with.

She always gets so mad
when I bring him up.

I thought it was 'cause
I'm super annoying,

but it turns out it's 'cause
I'm super perceptive.

- Is my beard all right?
- It's good.

Oh, God,
I'm so nervous right now.

I haven't sweat this much

since I was standing
behind Ed Sheeran at Boots.

Do not be nervous, beta.

My wedding day was
the best day of my life.

His was his worst,
though, isn't it?

I'm gonna go flirt
with Fatima's little sister.

At least one of us
can marry well.

Oh!

Get out of here.

♪ I've got this rhythm
in my bones ♪

♪ This beat in my head ♪

♪ These lyrics in my veins
that manifest in my pen ♪

♪ Dance in my feet,
punctuation my hips ♪

Can you just take the picture?

My knees are starting
to lock up.

- In a second.
- It's not quite right.

Um, you, tall man,
take the glasses off.

Oh, uh, yeah, sure.

♪ Soul of a warrior,
strength of a queen ♪

Ah, put them back on.

Yeah.

Sorry about that.

Oh, Maya, maybe you
should get that.

I wonder who it could be.

I don't know. Why are you
saying it like that?

Weirdo.

♪ Loving in my heart
I wear upon my sleeve ♪

♪ Fire that'll start when
you ask what I believe ♪

Marcus, what are you doing here?

Your friend Ainsley called
and said I had to come.

Yeah, I think she's into me.

♪ Nothing can stop this ♪

♪ When you've got this beat
within your soul ♪

- Hey, Ainsley.
- Hey.

Craig, what's Marcus doing here?

- I thought Maya hated him.
- No.

He's who that love letter
you found was for.

Oh, good, yeah.

Well, I'm glad you got
that sorted out.

Hey, does my face look weird
without my glasses?

Yeah.

We don't have space
for another guest, Craig.

We only have seven chairs
because we broke one having sex.

- Okay, it's fine.
- We'll just have him stand.

Okay, just promise me,
no more surprise guests.

No more.

- Hello.
- I'm Andrew.

Uh...
I have come for game night.

- What are you doing here?
- Maya invited me.

She thinks I'm fun

and that I would fit in well
with your group of friends.

Really? So this has nothing
to do with me?

No, I love games.

I-I love to play Scattergories.

Sir, I'm so excited

to be spending time
together socially.

So what's your favorite color?

Oh, let me guess.
Snap.

Burgundy.

♪ ♪

Why would you invite Marcus?

'Cause you like him.

What?

No, I don't.

Listen, we are all adults.

You don't have to be embarrassed

that you want to take
the D-train to Bang Town.

I get why
you didn't tell us, okay?

You didn't want us
to give you shit

for dating another guy at work,
but this isn't Ted.

But why would you think
I like Marcus?

Why don't we talk
about the night of the play?

You were out until 6:00
in the morning.

Are you trying to tell me
that you weren't with Marcus?

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

You're right.

I was with Marcus that night
because...

I like Marcus.

Yes, I knew it!
You knew it! I knew it!

- Ooh!
- Yes.

You guys are
so hooking up tonight.

Hey, I was so sorry to hear of
your son's disastrous wedding, huh?

What a shame.

That is ancient history.

Kashif is doing better
than ever.

Killing it at Goldman Sachs.

- Really?
- Mm.

I heard he was fired
from his job.

Fired?

More like fired up
to earn more money than ever.

Anyway, y-y-you remember
my son, Danir?

Oh, yes, yes.

That comic-book artist.

My heart goes out to you.

Oh, well, he doesn't have
his own office.

No, no, he works out of
Starbucks on the high street.

He says that he sees Kash there
all day, every day.

Danir won't be seeing him
for much longer.

No, he sold one
of his comic books...

to Marvel.

500,000-pound advance.

♪ ♪

Uh, um, I don't know
who this one is either.

I think it's another one
the old man wrote.

Uh, and time.

Sir John Anderson.

He was chancellor of the
Exchequer from 1943 to 1945.

You'd be hard-pressed to find
a bigger celebrity than that.

I would have gotten it, sir,

- if she'd have given any clues.
- Mmm.

I mean, who doesn't know
John B... Bargain... Fl...

- Anderson.
- Fourth... son. Anderson.

Baby,
why are you getting so upset?

So when are you gonna
make your move?

Oh, uh... uh, no,
it feels awkward now

because I feel like he knows

and you know
and now I know he knows

and everyone knows
that I know he knows.

Except for him, you know?

- I totally get it.
- Here, let me help you.

Marcus!
Marcus, come here!

- Stop.
- Mm, mm.

I'm so glad you could make it
tonight, Marcus.

Yeah, I'm so glad
you invited me.

Got me out of going
to my uncle's memorial.

Uh, I have to go help
Duffy with the, um, drinks,

so I hope you can, uh, get
to know each other.

Get to know you better?

I think I know you pretty well.

I've seen you eat egg salad
with your fingers.

Hey!

It's, uh, rosé.

Were you fired from your job?

Who told you that?

Just tell me if it's true.

- It's true.
- I'm sorry, Dad.

Is it because you were
a whistle-blower?

Maybe you'll be
on Time magazine.

No, Dad.

I was fired because I kept
leaving to go to auditions...

'cause I want to be an actor...

which is why getting fired

wasn't necessarily a bad thing,
you know?

It's... it's forcing me
to do what I want.

Follow my dreams.

Your dreams?

What about my dreams?

Your mother and I left
everything behind

to come here
and work backbreaking jobs

so you would never have to.

We came to a place where people
look down on us,

on how we look,
how we talk, how we pray.

But we did it so that you
could have a good life.

I just expected better from you.

Abu.

Ladies and gentlemen,
as many of you know,

I've been working tirelessly
to expand my brand,

and tonight I'm debuting
my very own board game.

- "Nosecrets."
- What's "Nosecrets"?

- No Secrets.
- Zara Presents No Secrets.

We picked a bad font.

It doesn't matter.
It's too late to fix it.

I thought it had
said "Nosecrets."

When Craig hid
his secret child from me,

it almost destroyed
our relationship.

But we worked through it,

and it inspired me
to create this board game.

Wait, what's happening?

The aim of the game

is to prove that you know
everything there is to know

about your friends,
that you have "nosecrets"...

No secrets.

I don't really know anyone here.

Yeah, well, someone should
have thought about that

before inviting you.

We have the perfect amount
of pieces for everyone to play

as long as no one else
is coming.

That better be
a Jehovah's Witness!

Hello, I'm Bryce.

Ainsley, uh, decorated my house.

I'm here for game night.

For Christ's sake.

Bryce, hi!

Uh, what are you doing here?

Uh, well, Gemma and Duffy
invited me.

I hope it's okay that I came.

Hey, I thought you told me

all your friends were young
and hot.

This is like an episode
of The Kominsky Method.

- Enough chitchat.
- Pick partners.

♪ I'm living on the
edge, and I wanna jump off ♪

♪ I'm giving all I've got,
still it's never enough ♪

♪ I got an appetite for more
that's bigger than before ♪

Bryce...

what was the name
of my first true love?

- Oh, God. This is dumb.
- You don't have to...

Adam Brody from The O. C.

You remember that?

It must have come up
in conversation

while you were yammering away
instead of working.

♪ To the beat
of a song I can sing ♪

Name a song that meant
a lot to me growing up.

The Boys Are Back in Town.

- Are you stupid?
- Do you hate winning?

Uh, sorry, I auditioned
with that song for X Factor.

And I got down
to the top 1,500 auditionees.

Okay, yes, my turn.

Okay, yeah, you're never
gonna get this one,

but, uh, what is my favorite
novel of all time?

Dragon Master Seven.

- No, no, no, no, no, no.
- That's not...

It's, uh, Moby-Dick.

Okay, zero points
for Gemma and Duffy.

- Uh, no, no, no, he's lying.
- It's that porno dragon book

- you're always reading.
- No, no, no, no!

It's in your satchel right now!

I literally have no idea
what you're talking about.

- Oh, really?
- Yes, I really don't...

- No, no, no, no, no, no!
- Let's have a look, shall we?

- No, no! Okay, fine!
- Get off!

Yes, yeah,
that's my favorite book.

But it is not porn, okay?

'Cause the dragon,

it has to take the princess'
virginity in order to fly!

What was my greatest heartbreak?

The death of Margaret Thatcher?

- Uh, no.
- While tragic, it wasn't that.

Well, it's sort of
a personal story.

It's really not appropriate
for a party of strangers.

Well, you have to tell
because those are the rules.

Fine, all right.

Um, my, uh, greatest heartbreak
was my first love,

a man called Ronald Clarke.

- Well, what happened?
- Why are you not still with him?

Well, um...

It was my fault, really.

Uh, we were together
for a while.

It was a different time,
and, uh...

I'm not sure you can understand.

I had... I still have
a public persona.

It matters what people think,

even if I don't like
what they think.

And rather than go public

with our relationship...

I ended it.

And then...

He died.

No, a plane crash.

Plane crash, yeah.

And in that moment,

I knew that I had made

the worst mistake of my life.

I often wonder how much
someone should risk for love.

And the older I get,

the more I believe that
the answer is...

Everything.

I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to spoil the fun.

Wait, you don't...
You don't have to go.

No, I think I do.

- Asif.
- Oh, Maya.

Do you know where Kash is?

He's inside, but you can't go
in dressed like that.

Oh, I thought I look nice.

- Don't worry.
- I'll hook you up.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Have you seen Maya?

Uh, no. She felt sick
so she had to go home.

- You're kidding.
- No.

Uh, Ains... can I call you Ains?

- Not really.
- Right.

Um, although I've savored

this delicious
cat-and-mouse game tonight,

we're both adults.

Let's do what adults do.

- Oh, God, no.
- No?

What are you doing?
Why aren't you trying to kiss Maya?

Maya?

I don't even see her as a woman.

She's just, like,
a genderless adversary.

Well, that's a shame,

'cause she really cares
about you.

♪ ♪

So what's going on?

This is when the newlyweds

get to see each other's faces
for the first time

as husband and wife.

But they've seen
each other before.

Yeah, but they haven't
seen each other

under the light of marriage.

- Wow.
- I look amazing.

Now in the mirror,
they can see their future.

It's the two of them together
facing the rest of the world.

Bryce is getting ready to leave.
What are you doing?

What do you want me to do?

I don't know why you
invited him to begin with.

Well, clearly you like him.

When he showed up, you made him
a plate full of apps.

You've never done that for me.

Okay, fine. So maybe I'm
slightly attracted to Bryce.

But I don't want to date him.

I didn't move to London to be
with some old American guy

with no style or culture.

I could have just stayed
in Texas

and dated one
of my dad's friends.

I mean, he is literally
the opposite of Kash.

Yes, exactly.

Hey, what's wrong?

Tonight was a disaster.

Nigel said we didn't make a
meaningful social-media impact.

Hashtag no one likes my game!

Oh!

Zar, it's not a big deal.

My 15 minutes are up, Craig.

Love Chalet is old news.

Celebrity Prostitute
starts tonight.

This game was supposed
to be my legacy.

Hey...

are you sure there's
not something else going on?

Um...

What are you doing here?

I lied to you.

I didn't break up with you

because you don't fit
into my world.

That was just an excuse.

I mean, you don't, but...

I still like you.

I like you a lot.

You're smart and sophisticated,
and... and you smell good...

like Christmas trees.

Then why did you
break up with me?

Because I don't have my papers.

You're voting yes
on an immigration bill, and...

And I'm one of the people
you're voting to keep out.

So...

what made you change your mind?

I just...

I realized that what we have

is worth risking everything for.

I think so, too.

I'm gonna tell Ainsley...

the truth.

Okay.

Oh.

Hang on.

Yeah, he's called
a million times.

It must be some work emergency.

Hey. What?

I'm so, so sorry.

I know you have deep sexual
feelings for me,

and I'm very flattered,

but we need to maintain

a professional working
relationship.

- What are you talking about?
- Listen to me, okay?

I'm not attracted to you,
and I know that hurts to hear,

but look,
I think you're a great person.

You know, you... you're very...
uh, punctual.

Come on, lovebirds!
The bride and groom are cutting the cake!

Okay, we're coming.

Who was that?
Sorry, are you at a wedding?

- I-I got to go.
- Uh, this has been weird.

- Oh, my God.
- You're still here?

Was this some big joke?

Why would you and Ainsley say
that Maya had a thing for me?

So that I can embarrass myself?

- I'm sorry, man.
- I honestly thought she did.

Well, she just
told me she doesn't,

and then she hung up on me

because she's at a wedding
with another guy.

You know,
you love games so much?

How about the game Sorry?

Like, I'm saying, like,
say it to me.

What wedding?

Oh, shit.

What are you doing here?

I want to be with you.

What?

It just hit me like
a ton of bricks.

Even though you're
so much older than me

and we make no sense together,

I realize that just because
I never pictured myself

with someone like you
doesn't mean it can't work,

and you're a good man,

and I'm confident enough
in myself

to not care
what other people think,

and this might be
completely crazy,

but I want to be with you.

That sucked.

I thought it was romantic.

Why would I want to be
with somebody

who deigns to be with me
against her better judgment

and despite all my flaws?

Well, no, I didn't
mean it like that.

No, I think you
were right earlier.

I am too old...
too old for this shit.

Babe, you are not
gonna believe this.

I've got something to tell you.

Well, go ahead,

because whatever you have
to say is not gonna top this.

I'm pregnant.

Oh, shit!

Oh, my God!

This will be my legacy.

Oh, my God! Oh, my...

♪ You've been
patiently awaiting ♪

♪ On me to say it ♪

♪ Say it out loud ♪

♪ And I want to
'cause I want you ♪

♪ But I need time,
time to come around ♪

♪ 'Cause when I tell you
everything I'm feeling ♪

♪ Every word is straight
from my heart ♪

♪ If I'm speaking ♪

♪ Best believe it ♪

♪ That I mean it ♪

♪ If I say it out loud ♪

♪ I've been there before,
I took it way too fast ♪

♪ Hardest lesson
I ever learned ♪

♪ No, you can't throw it out
and take it back ♪

♪ That's such an easy way
to get burned ♪

Go to bed.