Flowers (2016–…): Season 2, Episode 4 - Episode #2.4 - full transcript

Here you go, little hatchling.

Ooh, it's gonna be so snuggly.

Let's get rid of that.

Little one.

Amy?

Amy!

Oh.

I know what's going on.

A sneaky game of hide-and-seek.

Well, little did you know,
I am an expert at hide-and-seek,

because of my alcoholic wife.



Sorry, it's no children.

What? It's not a child, it's a baby.

Well, there's references
to suicide and all sorts,

-so I'm afraid it's an adults-only event.
-My mum's in there

and I just wanted to say hello.
She wrote the book.

-Not with that baby.
-It's a baby.

She doesn't understand
anything you're saying. She can't read.

-Is it 18 years old?
-Is this baby 18 years old?

-Yes.
-No.

-So it's not allowed.
-Okay, fine.

-This lovely lady...
-What are you doing?

-Er, no.
-...is going to look after you...

-Oh. No.
-...for a bit. Thank you.

Er, excuse me? No.



Sneaky, cheeky hide-and-seek-y.

Ah-ha!

Ha!

Ah-ha!

Like your husband, I found
the medication very helpful.

Yes, good.

But obviously, you never know
when the darkness is going to descend,

so, my question was actually about salmon.

Oh. Yes.

'Cause you're saying that the fatty acids
are good for the brain.

Excuse me.
That's right.

- I don't like, er, salmon.
-Hey, Mum.

-Amy, what are you doing here?
-I need to talk to you

-about The Baumgaertner Trick.
-Okay. Just give me a second.

-I need to talk to you now.
-Are you alright?

-Why have you--
-I'm fine. I just need to talk to you.

-Okay, just give me two seconds.
-I'll be over here.

I'm working.

So, salmon.

- M-Dog. M-Dog. M-Dog.
- Mr Flowers.

Well done, well done, well done.

Stay in your seat, you imbecile!
I said belts on!

-I'm so sorry about all this.
-It's alright.

And then, it starts to get weird
and you realise you've been

collecting hundreds of bottles--

Yes. Do you mind just giving me two ticks,

-so I can say a quick hello to my--

'Cause you're going to learn
how to brew...

Come on.

...elderflower champagne and start
an international catering business,

and it's like, erm...

-It's actually quite mad, isn't it?
-Er, not mad. Ill.

Then it gets a bit bleak again.
I start feeling like shit.

Walking across bridges. Erm,

back to the doctor's.

-Your grandad...

Baumgaertner.

Baumgaertner.

Baumgaertner.

Baumgaertner.

Die Auserwählte. The Chosen One.
It's German.

When it gets dark
I turn into a butterfly...

What do you think I should do?
Because I don't have a girlfriend, so...

What do you think I should do?

I, erm, I... I don't know.

I'm sorry. Erm,
we're not actually together anymore, so...

Oh, what the fuck.

Everyone. Everyone. A toast...

to the most loyal,
patient, beautiful friend,

Shunny Boy.

-Shunny boy!

Shun. Shun. Shun.

You are my friend as well.

I love you.

I wanted to let loose, but it was obvious

these squidiot dickheads would
get wasted and trashed

and there'd be no one
to drive home safely.

My wife showed me how to do this.

You're quite responsible, aren't you?

-I guess so, yeah.
-Team M-Dog!

Hence drinking Naked Russians all night.

-Do you mean milk?
- Well...

And ice.

Because I did notice that you were
drinking quite a lot of milk.

-Milkman.
-Shut up, Shun!

You had quite a milky moustache.

Milkman. Yes, I see.

She is a bitch! A bitch!

Yes, I hate her! I hate her!

- M-Dog. M-Dog.

Team M-Dog! Team M-Dog!

Want to play twist the bottle?

Twist the bottle. Twist the bottle.

Dad, stop being a pervert
or I'm throwing you out the van.

Whose fault is that?

Er, who wants to play
twist the bottle with my son?

No.

Oh, you wish!

Dad, shut up and fuck off, please!

Who do you want to play it with then, Don?

I know answer. Matilda cha.

-Fuck off!

Fuck off, Shun!

Sushi head!

Shut up! Or I'm not driving!
I don't even fancy her!

She's just a customer
and I felt sorry for her

because she's poor and her house is shit.

She used to be fat.

She's Fat Matilda.

Of course I don't fancy her.

God's sake.

Amy?

I don't want to come in
if you're in your smalls.

Little baby?

Are you in there
with your auntie Amy, huh?

Come on.

Right. Erm,

put your dressing gown on.

I'm coming in.

I wouldn't eat those
if I were you, love.

Catch the plague.

They've been marinated in piss,

all sorts for about a hundred years.

What's a nice-looking
young mother like you

doing in a place like this?

Looking for a job?

Oh, no.

I'm not a prostitute.

You're meant to catch that.

Is Wendy here?

Some jingle-jangle.

For the intel.

Barry?

Barry?

Barry, can I see my baby?

I don't think
you should come in.

She's sleeping very soundly.

Honestly. I, I, I'll take care of it.

Can I just come in, though?

Aw.

It's alright, little one.

You nearly woke her then.

Shit.

What have I done?

Come on, Barry, come on, think.

What's your favourite film?

Erm, don't know. What's yours?

Probably cling film.

No. Age Of Machines, obviously. Brilliant.

Yeah. I might head off in a minute.

Already?

I was just about to engage party mode.

Bit tired.

Okay. Well, can I give you a lift?

Er, no, it's alright.

I'm still under the limit.

Okay, whatever.

Whoa. What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Sorry!

Shun?

Alright.

So your family died in an earthquake?

Mm-hmm.

There I am,
taking all my shit out on your bum hole.

I just need to check something.

You're not going
to press charges, are you?

What?

For... just then.

When I tried to kiss you.

Erm, no.

Don't worry.

Okay. Good.

Because...

I just assumed.

-What are you doing now?
-What?

I just need to know
that if I try and kiss you,

you're not going to move away again.

Well, what do you want? A signed document?

-So you do want to?
-Just forget it.

Oh, God. Make your mind up.

I don't know how I feel about you.

I don't know how I feel about you, mate.

One minute you're Queen Frigid-Lips,
the next minute you're a fat slag again.

Right. Good. Okay.

I do know how I feel about you, actually.

Bye.

Oh. Thanks for fixing my sink.

Twat!

Shun.

Yes?

Is this Bulgarian?

Yeah, just put it all in a big bowl.

Shun, baby dawg.

Er, put it all in a big bowl for these
fine young ladies, if you please.

Excuse me. Excusez-moi.

Sorry.

-Yeah. This is what--

-Yes.
- M-Dog.

Woooo-hooo-whooo.

Erm, excuse me.
I'm going to need that for next time.

-It's cardboard.
-I know.

I was going to recycle it but... Oh.

Do you know what, you just keep it.

-Well, I don't want it, it's rubbish.
-Well, then throw it away.

Well, if anything I'll recycle it.

Hi.

Hello.

-Er, how did it go?
-Erm,

not very well, thank you very much.

I think Amy might've already gone,
so, er, if you came to see her--

I assume you're not here for me.

Not here for you, no.

Well, you should probably go home then.

I mean, I'm here to see you.

Just not for you, if you know what I mean.

Hylda, I'm sorry about the other day,
but I'm just, I'm going to get a kebab

and I'm going to go home.
So could we, maybe do this another time?

-'Cause it's been a horrible day.
-Oh. Why is that, then?

Because I'm not qualified
to have written this book.

Every time I try
and make something better,

I just make it worse, Hylda.
I just make it worse.

And, er, look, I know I was rude
the other day, but she's my baby.

She's my little squiggle.

Donald was the squoggle
and she's the squiggle,

and, erm, you're just not what I expected,
that's all.

Erm, and with Amy,
I've sort of given up trying to...

I've sort of given up trying to...

Could I maybe, erm...

give you a lift?

Sorry, just, erm...

do you actually want this or not?

Because I just spoke to Carol
and she told me to pulp it.

It's not a cult, and I'm not
a witch, and I never slept with him.

Though your grandad did
fool around quite a bit.

So did your nana.
I take it you know about James?

But why did you call me Die Auserwahlte?

Oh, that, yeah,
just amusing meself, really.

I just, I need you to tell me
about The Baumgaertner Trick.

What, that it wasn't a trick gun?
Of course it was a trick gun.

Spread that rumour himself, the pillock.

-No. What?
-You mean the Russian Roulette trick?

Here, look. Bring the baba.

Fucking terrible magician.

Brilliant showman,
but constantly fucking everything up.

Nearly sawed poor little Harriet in half.

Possibly on purpose. Who knows?
Look at all this crap.

Bingo.

He'd finish the trick by shooting a vase.
Bit of a flourish.

But he had such a terrible aim
that in the end

he put a little banger in with the roses

and set it off with a little wire.

No bullets in the gun at all.

Shouting at the Devil
like he was in the room.

Going on and on about
how he was going to break the curse.

Bendy Wendy, he used to call me.

This lot waltz in here,
chuck their kit off.

I have to fold myself into a cocoon,
for crying out loud.

Hang on. Could I show you something?

This was in the suitcase you gave me.
What is it?

Ah.

Bum Gardener.

I remember him talking about this.

-What, what'd you mean?
-Yeah,

around the time he went to the asylum.

What asylum? He drowned.

Drowned? Nah.

Harriet told little Maurice
he'd performed a vanishing act.

He didn't buy it,
so she told him he drowned.

So he didn't die?

Well, he died eventually.

Last I heard, went to Germany.
Popped his clogs there.

What are you talking about?
What is this book?

Why am I Die Auserwählte?

You do know
Felix changed his name, don't ya?

From Baumgaertner.

'Cause it sounded
too much like Bum Gardener.

His grandmother painted these, darling.

This is your family.

Die Auserwählte.

Where do you want it?

Thank you.

Yes, I'll just, erm...

Okay. Thank you for the kebab.

-Erm...
-Oh, I'm hungry.

What did you say this was again?

Oh, Fizzy Shizz.

It's nice.

That one's grapefruit.

Grapefruit Grenade.

Yes, well, I'll try it. Okay.

Amy gives me a hard time about it.

-Wreaks havoc with your insides.
-Okay.

-Alright. See you soon.
-Erm,

er, Deborah.

Yeah, er...

the thing is, it's just...

I had a couple of questions
I wanted to ask you about Amy.

Erm...

I'm an addict,
so I know how to talk to addicts.

I know how to handle that. But...

Whatever it is that Amy has...

I'm sorry to come to you,
it's just that, well,

I never really had a mother
and I've never been one either,

and you seem...

I dunno.

I love her, Deborah. That's all.

And I'm starting to worry about...

Amy! What are you doing in there?

You need to
shut this party down immediately!

It's a fucking travesty!

- Come, come in.
-What?

What's going on?

Just come in here!

-Mauricio.
-That's my name

Oh! Mauricio.

Mauricio.

-Dad!

Go away,

Donald.

There's an emergency.

Amy's disappeared with Shun's pervert
girlfriend's bastard baby from Sweden.

Have you checked the church?

Maybe she's just
gone for a walk or something.

Oh, fucking useless.

And by the way, I think it's really weird

you're trying to have sex
with her friends.

I know you're upset about Mum
and that you're depressed,

and I'm sorry about that,

but there's better ways
of dealing with it, aren't there?

Right.

I'm going to sort this out.

Half of us are going to the church
and half of us are going to the woods.

Donald, relax.

Amy-chan will come back soon.

Gather round, everyone. I've got a map.

Ignore him. He's drunk again.

Yes, I'm drunk. So what?

So it's not helpful. Japanese idiot.

So what I'm Japanese? I am Japanese.

I'm trying to manage a crisis here,
you fucking bell-end!

Will you stop bullying me?
I know it's not banter.

I know you trick me.

-Did you just push me?
-Yes, I push you.

I push you again.
I've had enough of you, nonsense.

-Enough booze!
-Hey!

-I can drink if I want!
-Enough!

-This is my family!
-No, it's not! Your family's dead!

So what my family's dead?

At least I know why I'm miserable
when my family's dead.

Give me more earthquake, motherfucker!

Give me the booze!

Give back my Irish Cream!

My family's Irish Cream!

You fucking bastard!

You are just annoyed
because you are stupid virgin!

No life, can't have sex
because you are so rude!

Everybody think you are a complete idiot!

Come on! Come on then!
Come on then, English!

Just break it up,
get off each other.

The pincer! Yeah!

Just break it up.

Very naughty.
You are naughty.

Shun, stop now.

Get off him.

Oh, fuck.

What's the matter?

It's fine, it's fine. It's my back.

-Compressed nerve.
-Ah.

Hey! Stop that!

Stop that immediately!

Oh, what now? Don't come in.

-Donald, go away!

Maurice, is there
someone else in there with you?

Deborah?

What are you doing here?

Where's Amy?

Erm, I don't know.

Why don't you know? I'm coming in.

Please don't.

Jesus Christ.

What-- Maurice.

I love you.

Can you give us some...

I love you, Deborah.
It's the only reason why.

Oh, Audrey...

Monkey!

Monkey. I'm a Baumgaertner.

What are you on about?
Is the baby okay?

Yeah, course she is.

Amy?

Mum, what are you doing here?

What is-- Why is there a baby?

Dad, I'm a Baumgaertner.
Felix was a Baumgaertner.

-Amy, what you talking about?
-We're all Bum Gardeners.

And he didn't drown.

Dad, Felix didn't drown.

Nana just made that up
so that you wouldn't get upset.

Amy, that's not funny.

I'm not joking.
He went to a fucking asylum.

Then he died in Germany.
That's what. It's about us.

We're cursed. It's the Baumgaertner curse.

It's in my blood, it's in her blood.
It's the same blood!

That baby's the only surviving--
It's our direct ascendant.

-So she gave me-- It's an heirloom.
-Whoa.

It's a fucking Baumgaertner gun,
and now I have it.

-How amazing is that?
-Amy, put the gun down.

-Why, it's just a--

Holy Moses! Shit!

Oh, shit.

Didn't realise it was loaded,

-Sorry. Sorry.
-Amy, put the gun down.

Mum, Mum, I'm going to fix this.

-I know, I know how to fix it.
-Amy!

Put the gun down!

She was just trying to break the curse.

She was trying protect her baby.

She was trying to burn down
all the fucking shit that came before

because how else is she meant to survive?

It's like you with your dad.
It's like me with you.

It's love.

These pictures are about love.

They're not about murder,
they're about love.

That's all I've been trying to say.
It's just love, that's what it is.

Because how else can we survive?

It's impossible.
We're all just little babies.

We all need to be set free.

I know how.

I know how to do it
without killing everyone.

I know how to do it.

'Cause I'm the Auserwahlte.

It's not Bertha, it's not Felix,
it's not you because you're too weak.

But I can do it. I can do this.

I can take this-- It's the fucking music.

It's the music, that's the spell,

that's what's going to break the curse.

It's what I've been doing all along.

It's like the heaven in the heat
of darkness. It's the same thing.

I can do this. I can save us.

I can save you, Dad.

I know how to do that.

I can take this hell
and I can turn it into heaven.

I can do that.

I'm going to do that.

Then the curse will be gone.