Five Bedrooms (2019–…): Season 3, Episode 7 - Two Parties - full transcript

Previously on 5 Bedrooms

What are you up for?

Oh, just a drinks and labels thing with another law firm.

I've never been a fan of hen's nights.

I'm always expected to be one of the girls.

The cheeky gay BFF who's up for anything.

Is it all a bit one note?

Hmm?

Okay, so you've collated Ains' questions for the couple's quiz?

Yep.

And confirmed the karaoke booking?



I've done everything on the list.

Okay.

But you've got to book the stripper.

Ains barred me. She got ahead of it.

Came up with a big don't argue face.

I can't do it, but you can.

So you're using me as a loophole?

Look, if I've got to go out in public in a dress code,

I'm getting a stripper.

What dress code?

They're calling it a white party.

I think it's some kind of Tasmanian tradition.

Just say yes and I'll leave you alone.

It just kind of feels like Ains doesn't really want one.



Well, nobody really wants one,

but everyone feels better when they've had one.

WHISTLE BLOWS

If there was one silver lining to the Hens night,

it was a bulletproof excuse to avoid the Bucks night.

How's that?

Good news, mate.

Um, Simo's just decided to kick off the Bucks early, are they?

So...

You can come.

Yeah, unfortunately, I've been roped in to help set up the Hens.

Oh, always the bit most for Heather, is it?

No, it's just quite an elaborate set-up.

You know, lots of balls in the air.

Oh, Simo would love it if you could be there.

Yeah, so would I, but, you know, I can't let Ains down.

What about just early on?

Do you need my help with something?

Oh, look, now you mention it, I have been throwing a few curveballs, yeah.

OK, what sort of curveballs?

Oh, the boys just keep sending me messages

and I don't know how to answer them.

Like, um, this fridge is hitting me with how we're getting there.

And they keep asking if it's BYR.

I've told them it's not, but I think they're just worried about getting out there...

Ben, Ben, who's got the piss?

They're not curveballs.

Well, I've definitely got the bonfire sorted,

so really it's just transport and catering

and music and activities and booze.

But I'm just crunching the nose for those guys.

OK, I'd really consider booking a minibus

and buying either some kegs or some slabs

and divvying up the cost between all the guests.

Should I send you some links or do you want to use my laptop?

Oh, mate, is that alright? Yeah.

Consider minibus.

The third thing you said was...

What?

I knew as soon as I engaged,

I'd become the primary caretaker of both events.

I do realise it's very late

and we should obviously just take what we can get,

but would Theo consider performing as the well-hung Highlander

or is he, you know, exclusively funky fireman?

I'm so sorry, I might have to call you back.

Oh, sorry.

Has Heather dumped you with all the planning?

No, no, not at all.

She's actually done most of it.

I know she's been a bit distracted lately with the new romance

and I just...

Look, I've organised three Hens Nights

and all three of those brides have come over from Tasmania

and I'm sure they won't be judging.

Oh, no, they'll be judging.

They will. Yeah.

OK, um...

I will go over absolutely every detail

with the eye of a judgemental Tasmanian former bride, OK?

It's actually gonna be so great.

Thank you.

We're gonna have a ball.

Yes, we are.

I actually can't wait.

I can't wait either.

I'm already there.

God, I just...

I'm so excited.

Yeah, OK.

MUSIC

Angel's answers for the couples, please.

Um, let me see my eyes.

She's got another one here, so...

That's one of them.

That's it.

I don't know... I don't know what that is.

And the list of demands.

It's another fucking tradition.

Ains has drawn up a list of do's and don'ts for the Bucks night.

No shaving, no tattoos, no permanent markers,

no superglue, no visible bruising.

She also wants some kind of guarantee when you're too shitfaced.

You and I both know he will.

Of course he will.

So just contain the carnage.

You can mix it with hydrogen, mix it with hydrolyte,

mix it with beer if you have to, but just get it into him.

And make sure he eats, not just meat.

Don't let him make a speech.

If he does, do not record it.

Anything else?

No open flames.

Heather, we're having a bonfire.

The boys need a focal point to stop them wandering off.

It's a safety thing.

Well, just keep it small

and make sure there's a boundary around it.

A boundary. OK.

What's on Simmer's list?

Um...

Have fun. Love you.

Hey, if you get a sec at some point between now and the big day,

can you give us a hand to run through the speeches?

Yeah, good idea.

Sweet.

I don't know if I sound like a wanker,

but I thought it might be a bit weird,

you and me sorting out the wedding together.

But it's just...

really proud of us.

Both.

You proud of yourself?

Nah. I'm...

No, I didn't say I'm proud of...

I'm just shitting in your bed.

I'm proud of myself too.

DOORBELL RINGS

Morning.

Um, do you want to, um, go get a coffee or go for a walk or...?

Why don't you just come in?

Mel's not home.

Good idea. Wonderful.

Are you spiralling?

No. Why?

Are you?

You know I don't spiral.

But I have, um, noticed the radio silence.

I...I have sent you dozens of texts to which you've responded,

so that's just empirically false.

Yeah, not one phone call.

In two weeks.

You...

haven't called me either.

We both know the ball was in your court, Liz.

I'm just...

just processing.

I mean, obviously it was huge for me and for both of us.

And it was so lovely.

Don't dress it up if you...

I'm not dressing it up. I'm trying to tell you the truth.

And I'm trying to feel everything.

And I...

I felt a connection with you that I've never felt with anyone.

And at the same time, I...

felt like I was outside of myself, like I wasn't...

even there.

You were there.

Yeah. I was.

But...

you're not anymore?

I'm married.

And...

I feel sick about the fact that I've cheated on Stuart.

And I need to say something.

About us, specifically?

Um...

I don't... I don't...

I think I need to tell him...

where I'm at in a general sense.

I'm not sure if I'll...

go into the specifics.

I might just... I might just feel it out.

To be honest, I...

was bracing myself for you to say it didn't work.

And that you need to go and fix your marriage and let's never speak of this again.

No.

I'm just so relieved.

You know, however he reacts,

I'll be on the other side of that call.

Sugar, what's in that one?

Ice.

What's in this one?

Ice.

What's the third one? Bloody ice, is it?

Nah, it's him.

Gotta get more ice.

We'll just, um, pick that away from the fireworks, mate.

You all good, mate?

Hey.

You all good?

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Killing it.

Mate, thanks for all the help, eh?

Keeping an eye on those hens.

Now, just confirming, the keg man will be arriving at four o'clock.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So he's gonna text you as soon as he gets there.

Um, so please just keep your eye on your phone.

Be with us? Must be.

Yeah, well, how about I go and chat with him, you just get back to me.

No, no, no, you've done enough. You stay here, I'll get it.

Hey, mate.

Hey, mate.

Ben, best man.

Hang on, don't tell me you must be a Dara, cousin, gallum, is it?

Yeah, I'm not. I'm Ed. I'm Heather's lecturer.

Well, there you go. I was just saying that Ted's been killing it with her studies, the last few weeks especially.

Yes.

Sorry, Ben. We need to get you on the road, I think.

We've gotta wait for Uncle Barry.

Well, how far away is Uncle Barry?

Well, he copped a stopover in Dubai and fell asleep and missed his next flight, but we can't leave without him.

Oh, we won't, mate. Simo, Hazza, this is Heather's lecturer, Ed.

Hazza, Simo.

Hey, mate.

Hey, good work doing a house call on a Saturday.

Yeah, yes.

Ed.

Hey.

Hey.

Don't come in.

Have a good day.

Yeah.

Hey, Ted. Teddy. Go on, mate.

This wouldn't have happened if you'd been on time.

You said, for fuck's sake, don't be late.

Yeah, well, being early is just as bad. It's worse.

We had a window of time with no witnesses and you blew it.

I'm sorry.

Look, I really don't know what we're doing here and I don't want to explain it to anybody else.

Are you waiting to see if I'm worth it before you go Insta-official?

Yes, I am.

But this is a good night. This is a proper night. Do you own a boat?

Three in the tent, Stiles.

Step over.

Come on, Chuka.

Get in there.

Hurry, hurry.

Come on.

There's more, right?

Benny, I know you're taking a lot in right now, but you are driving these boys.

What the hell am I driving them?

No, no, no, no. What I mean, I mean, you're up. Come on, it's go time.

I see my sparks and he's relying on you.

I know. He was all over my bucks.

I bet he was.

It was military grade.

Well, on your feet, soldier.

Hey, John.

About the Esky.

Right, yeah.

Okay, look, now, Ben, there's apparently no food, so...

How long?

What?

How long have they been seeing each other?

I don't know.

No more than a couple of weeks.

A couple of weeks?

Mate.

Okay, boys, so Benny's going to pick up some food on the way.

Yeah, just some nice meat, some white bread and some salads.

No salads.

No salads.

Okay, so really it's just greeting the king.

Yeah.

All right. Who's that again?

Here we go. Here we go.

Okay, fridgey.

Hey.

Your second in command.

Aye, aye, captain.

I just, I need you to keep an eye on Ben.

Please keep him away from the bonfire. I'm going to text you some details.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Look, I know I hold it well, mate, but I am seven shots deep right now.

We all are.

You're asking for it.

Hey.

You beat me.

By about three seconds I was about to call you.

I have booked a flight, managed to wrangle next week off, may even make it to the wedding on time.

So the flight arrives in Sydney the night before.

I've just got to lock in, flight to Melbourne and I'm there.

I'm going back there next week.

Yeah, I know. We can fly back together.

Why are you blinking?

I'm not. It's just, it's a lot of travelling.

Do you not want me to come?

No, Stuart, it's just there's so much to do with the wedding.

I would hardly see you until it's over.

It's not your wedding.

Well, I'm aware of that, Stuart, but I'm very much a part of the program.

You know, I'm really starting to think I don't know where you are.

I'm right here.

Are you?

Want to tell me what's going on?

There is a conversation that you and I need to have, but it's a face-to-face conversation.

We are face-to-face?

No, in person, when I get back to the UK.

Do you want to stay in Australia? Is that what it is?

I'm just, I'm exhausted. I'm not sleeping and I want to talk to you about it in the flesh.

I love you.

Me too.

Trying to be one of the boys at a Bucks night is somehow more excruciating than anything you face at a Hentz.

Every time it's the exact same roll call.

There's the guy who's desperate to prove how not homophobic he is.

Mate, we're all so bloody stoked you could be here. Most of us.

Have you been watching Pose? I'm loving it, mate. It's awesome.

And there's the guy who's so uncertain about his own sexuality he can't even maintain eye contact.

And the guy who confuses gayness with permission to over-sexualise your every interaction.

Woohoo! I'm coming for you, big fella.

That is a lot of timber.

Yeah, I've heard that before.

Do we have a permit for it?

Nah, it's private property.

Right, I don't think that's going to stop the fire from meeting up with all of the tree.

We're in the bush, mate. We're in the bush.

Exactly. In a bushfire affected region.

If anything goes awry, Chooka's cousin is the Vice President of the CWA.

Please tell me you mean the CFA?

What did I say?

Chooka, what's your cousin do?

I know you're in a bit of a tricky spot. I get it.

I appreciate you can see it from my perspective.

Mate, you're talking like an architect. Mate, what didn't you tell me?

It wasn't my place.

It would have been good to know.

Yeah, but you know now. It was only a couple of weeks.

So what? If you and Ains broke up, she moved on with a new bloke,

you reckon I'd wait that long to tell you?

Penny, might I be so bold as to interrupt with a question?

Do we have any facilities?

Mate, look around. Pick a view. There's one giant toilet.

And do we have any toilet paper?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Heads up, boys.

Heads up, boys.

What was Ains' first trip overseas?

2009 European Mini Gastronomical Delights cruise.

Correct.

Drink! Drink!

Sorry, how exactly does this work?

Wrong answer, Simo drinks.

Right answer, everyone drinks.

Right.

So, um, so Simo drinks every time, no matter what he says.

He's Bucks.

What is Ains' favourite musical?

Singin' in the Rain.

Right.

That was cooking there.

Stop drinking! Folks, singers, drink!

Thanks, buddy.

Hey, maybe we should only drink when Simo gets the answer wrong.

That would be celebrating negativity. We don't want that. Do it, Simo.

Thank you for your...

Sorry, I've actually got to take this. Please take a break.

No phones! No phones! Drink! Drink!

OK, go, drink.

Sorry, Stuart. I'm just, um, walking away. Just give me a sec.

Are you hiking?

No, I'm at Simo's Bucks.

Look, I know things have always been a bit tricky between you and I.

It's just Liz, you know?

I mean, obviously there's something up. She's just not saying anything.

Well, I really don't want to get involved, Stuart.

Identity, you know? An insider crumb.

I don't want you to betray your friendship, but...

no one knows her like you do.

Stuart, I really don't understand her any more than you do right now.

What do you mean, right now?

You need to talk to your wife.

Is there someone else, Harry?

I'm really sorry, Stuart. I've, um... I've got to go. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Here we go. It's all flat. Here we go.

Oh, there they are! How do I look? How do I look?

Oh, Pam, I don't know. I can't see.

Is that the only watch you've got? You should have called me.

It doesn't show at all. You're about 80% leopard.

That's a better effort. I think that's more of a French shirt.

OK, I'm taking off the mark.

A couple of flights of stairs now. Just a couple of flights.

Step in. Step in.

Ah!

Two trucks! Two trucks! Two trucks!

Jessie's girl

I wish that I had Jessie's girl

Yeah!

Where can I find a woman like that?

I've plugged in a couple of tracks, but I'm going to need a break at some point.

Oh, hi, oh, hi, everyone.

Where can I find a woman like that?

Where can I find a woman like that?

This is Vule and Felicity.

I'm four cowboys in and I just took a shit without a witness for the first time in months.

It was amazing.

When I look in the mirror all the time

Now that's why!

One day when you don't see me

I'm going to get a drink.

Anyone want a drink? Yes, please!

Okay.

Cross the line.

Is this an intentional call?

Yeah, it is, mate. Yeah.

Have you gone off grid?

Nah, this is Simo's place for the Bucks night.

Simo's Bucks night. Nice to get an invitation.

Mate, I had to call you because, um, are you sitting down?

No.

Well, you might want to be. Hev is seeing someone.

Yeah, well, more than seeing someone, she's in love.

Full bloom.

What?

Yeah, Timmy's lecturer.

I all report he is a fascinating man.

I mean, quite the departure from her usual...

Are you just finding this out?

Yeah.

Well, that's quite an adjustment, isn't it?

Shocking how quickly she moves on.

But you had no idea at all?

Oh, look, I guess she was being a bit different lately, but...

Okay, more relaxed?

Just lighter, somehow?

Yeah.

That's her... happy.

Last time I saw that was when she started up with you.

I'm struggling here, Cole.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Preaching to the choir, mate.

What do I do?

Well, there's no winding it back now.

She's blossoming, you know, she's going from strength to strength.

But luckily, you've moved on too.

No, I haven't.

Heather said you were back in the ring.

Wait, I went on one date and I bloody hated it.

Ha.

Here we are, eh?

The two of us in the same...

Heatherless boat.

Eh?

Funny how the word turns, though, isn't it?

You there?

You gone, eh?

I think, like, once we figure out what are we expected to do with our lives,

you know, for the rest of our lives, it's like, we should be doing it together.

We've talked about hanging out some more and stuff, but I want to go...

You don't do that! We're going to start a band!

Let's start a band! You want drum... band...

We're both drummers!

Ben, I know you're in your head with Heather Trauma,

but I've ordered an Uber and I need you to step in, okay?

Well, you're not leaving, are ya?

Oh, yeah, I am.

Not exclusively.

It's not even dark, though.

Greg!

Ben, you're in charge, and the main thing,

apart from all of the worryingly unidentifiable illicit substances

floating around, is the bonfire, okay?

You'll be fine.

Now, mate, I'm going to come with you.

No, you're not, Ben.

I've got to talk to Heather. She thinks I'm out there seeing other women.

It's just... it's not true.

I've got to tell her that, alright?

I don't think she'll make a good decision.

I think she's already made her decision.

Well, I can't...

can't just do nothing.

Ben, it's Simo's bucks.

What's going on?

Sim, I've got to go.

Alright, thanks.

Have a great night.

You too, hey.

See ya, Harvey.

You're good.

Bye.

What was the first bit of furniture Simo ever made?

Okay, it's got to be a toss-up between the card table or the pen table.

No, no, no, it was the coffee table.

Although, to be fair, he'd almost finished the card table, so...

Okay, thanks.

What is Simo's first favourite camping ground?

I want to say the Grampian.

Yes! Oh, yes!

Oh, he just fell in love with the place.

He was 18 months old.

That's so spiritual. It still is.

Hey.

Oh, Harry.

I'm so sorry. I was afraid to leave them alone.

Are they alright?

Yeah, yeah, Ben's all over.

Come on, we've got a lot to get through.

How many kids does Simo want?

It's five.

He's always wanted five,

because he's got five cousins and he always wanted to be one of them.

How many more questions are there?

There's a shit ton.

Have a... sing along. Come on.

We can come back to it.

Yeah. Hey.

Don't suppose you've got any party starters, do you?

No, why would I?

You're a doctor. Calm down.

Hey.

Hey.

I spoke to Stuart.

When?

He called me at the box.

He knows there's someone else.

Did you tell him?

Of course not.

He got nothing out of me.

He... he asked me outright

and I told him to talk to you.

And that seemed to intensify his suspicions.

I'm so sorry, but you're gonna tell him anyway.

And honestly, I think he's gonna be OK.

It was one kiss. People kiss.

And have sex?

You and Gerry...

I really wanna say, tell me every single thing,

but it's too weird...

Oh, now you tell him. It's Gerry.

Yeah.

Well, I just... Did it work?

I have no idea.

Like, I thought that if I just did it,

then there'd either be some kind of...

come-to-Jesus-type awakening and I'd know,

or it'd be crushing failure

and I'd also know, but I'm...

Well, it was neither.

I think I'm actually more confused.

Like, you know, there were crashes and burns

and errors of judgement.

Like, there are mental images that I'm gonna take to my grave,

but there were also some very real highs, you know?

Is Gerry OK?

I... I think it was positive for her.

But she knows where you're at.

I don't know where I'm at.

OK, but she's across that.

Liz, you can't just leave her hanging like that.

You think I'm not aware of this?

She put herself completely out there

and walked away from her relationship.

You seem very concerned about Gerry.

Yes, cos she is the most vulnerable person in this.

Aside from maybe Stuart.

Oh, my God, you've actually made me feel sorry for Stuart.

What about me?

What about you?

I'm in a car and I'm heading over a cliff.

Which you are driving.

And I am saying, get out and get the passengers out too.

Oi! You two, you're up.

Come on, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm not singing. No.

Oh, dear.

Gerry, please don't tell anyone.

OK, I know this is obviously a larger conversation,

but I'm invoking the cone of silence.

I'm not singing. You'll be fine, I'll carry you.

No, I'm not singing.

I've never changed.

I still feel the same.

Especially for you.

I want to tell you I was feeling that way too.

And if dreams were wings, you know,

I would have flown to you to be where you are.

No matter how far, I think that I know you.

Now that I'm next to you, no more dreaming about you.

No, I'm not singing.

No, I'm not singing.

Thanks, mate.

Darkening sand dunes.

Suddenly, weak, best friend hides.

Whilst watching the snail.

Absolute ripper.

Fairfetish.

Wasn't that?

Yeah.

Very evocative first line.

Almost thought you were going to slip up on seven syllables on the second.

Thank you.

Yeah, me too.

I thought you did go over.

Nah, mate, that was your classic 575.

Beautiful stuff.

Benny, what have you got for us?

Mate, sorry.

Doesn't have to be perfect.

Nah.

No, it doesn't have to be perfect.

Just got nothing in the minute.

Buckets, you want to drop in?

Hey, just let it out, mate.

Don't bottle that stuff up.

This is a closed circle.

Just what's killing me is I'd like...

We know, mate. We know.

Yeah, but I just want to go to her and tell her,

I went on one date and it just made me realise how much I want you

and no one else.

Just... I'm not sure she needs to hear that, mate.

Yeah, but what if she only moved on because she thinks I did?

I don't reckon...

You've got to take a step back.

Play the long game like Simo did here with Ains.

He just hung in there.

No pressure.

For years.

And then he turned himself into the solid guy that she might fall in love with.

Look at him now.

Yeah, you did well there, mate.

Don't pour it out on Heather, mate.

If you've got to let it out, you say it to me.

Just pretend that I'm Heather, yeah?

And just say to me,

Heather, I fucking love you

and I can't stand the thought of you rooting anyone else.

That wasn't my haiku.

Thanks, Fridji, but...

I reckon you might be onto something with the Simo strategy.

It wasn't a strategy.

Buckets, what are you waiting for, mate? Haikumi.

I'm sorry.

Despairing midnight.

An arm.

Callous chair dances.

Beyond the bed.

That is powerful stuff.

That is beautiful.

It's every time, mate.

I'm stepping out now.

No, no, no, I'm happy to wait out here.

Just give me another call if you need.

Sure.

What are you doing out here?

I just felt like I needed some fresh air. What about you?

Oh...

It's a surprise for you.

Do I want it?

I think so.

Please tell me it's not my stepmother.

Oh, no, it's not, Cheryl.

You booked a stripper.

I'm so sorry.

No, it's not your fault. I blame Heather.

It was Heather. Yeah, I knew intuitively it was wrong.

You know what? I can just meet him and tell him not to worry.

No, I'm...

If they're all expecting a stripper,

then let them eat cake.

Is it cake, though?

It's not as good as cake.

No, I've definitely felt more sexual chemistry with cakes

than I've ever felt with a stripper.

It's like watching awkward paint dry.

I just can't think of many things less sexy than a grown human

taking their clothes off in time to music in front of complete strangers.

Harriet?

Hey, I'm Teo.

Oh, my God.

I'm... I'm so sorry.

Hi, Teo. I'm Ainsley.

Nice to meet you, Ainsley.

I'd just like to say that I think exotic dancing is an art and a skill

and... is it in all the big sport yet?

It's not. No. Not yet.

Oh.

Look, to be honest, none of this is about nude dancing anyway.

Harriet, I just hate hen's nights.

Oh, my God. So do I.

No, you're the ultimate hen's wingman.

Am I, though?

There is no way that you hate that more than I do.

I disagree.

Why do we pretend to enjoy it?

Ainsley, I have no idea. It makes no sense.

I just love being at home eating ice cream.

Are we good?

Wow. That was so moving.

Thank you, Pammy.

Just a quick announcement.

We've got a couple of hours left on the booking.

Yes, Queen!

We also have a few hundred dollars left on the bar

and a disappointing surplus of penis straws.

So get sucking, ladies.

And also...

Yeah!

Why are we still running?

Is it fun?

I don't think so.

Oh, no. It's actually way better.

So much better.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Did you see Pammy's face?

Ben found out about Heather's new man.

Met him without knowing who he was.

Oh, that's not good.

And Liz had a bit of business going on,

but I can't really go into it.

You're a good man, Harry, Sethi.

You hold in so much for so many people.

So do you.

That's how I know.

Simo blitzed the quiz.

As good as Pammy?

Oh, if not better.

She casually mentioned how excited she is

to move into the granny flat on Sim's property

when the time comes.

It's totally just Pammy that wants those five kids, right?

Mm-mm.

Simo wants a big family.

He was an only child.

Like us?

Yeah.

But I just want the one.

What about your mum?

She wants 27.

But she'll have to settle for one.

Maybe.

I used to want a big family.

I was so sure for so long.

Now...

I don't know.

You know, it's a shame we never cranked out

a little Sethie Elling before you fell in love.

Oh, my God, how cute would they be?

Cute as boiled.

Christmas on crack.

Oh, and Diwali.

Permanently flanked by Mandu and Cheryl.

Not Cheryl.

No?

But seriously, genetically,

how gorgeous would our love child be?

Gorgeous.

And able to sing every lyric to Les Mis by age four.

Oh, they'd be so kind and loyal and generous.

Too generous.

Probably.

Oh, my God, why didn't we think of it?

I did think of it.

I always wanted to co-parent with a friend.

And Mum canvassed pretty much every woman in my life,

so of course you were disgust.

You never told me that.

Well, you were pregnant.

Then you were grieving.

And then you were with Simo.

There was no point.

No, Ains, you're going to have as many as you want anyway.

Loser as always.

Unlucky in love and too tall for most pants.

I wish you'd said something.

Ains, it was never going to happen.

Hmm.

I am diabolically tired.

I think it's all just starting to hit me.

Which bit?

All of it.

I am.

I'm going to call it a night.

OK.

Thank you for everything.

My pleasure.

Hello?

Are you pacing outside my mum's house?

No.

Liz, no one else could pull off that coat.

Do you want something to drink?

No, thanks.

I think I let you believe that once I was over the Stuart hurdle

that I would be in a position to pursue something with you.

And I don't think that that's the case.

I'm so sorry.

I just wanted to tell you straight away.

That would have been two weeks ago.

Morning.

Morning.

Hey.

How's it going?

Thanks.

Good night.

Yeah, all right.

You?

Yeah, the boys were in pretty good form, eh?

Ed's a nice fella.

Look, sorry you ran into him, my lad.

It's all good.

Are you bringing him to the wedding?

You should.

Yeah, major would have wanted.

I'd like to get to know him, have a yarn to him.

Yeah, so I'm not bringing anyone.

Just so you know, I think I'd rather not dine with his nice box.

Want some more of that?

Absolutely.

Thanks.

Be a bit.

Be pleased.

Mike?

What?

I know what you're doing.

I was just trying to be nice to him.

Yeah, not be a bit much.

That's your opinion?

Hey, I'm so glad you called.

Are you OK?

Oh, look, I've been better.

I'm feeling pretty bruised.

Do not ever fall for a straight person, Harriet.

It does not end well.

I haven't actually subjected myself to that particular romantic drama yet.

If it's any consolation, I'm pretty sure I'm destined to at some point.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, my.

And about how everything fell apart with you.

I mean, you were the real collateral damage in this.

No, no.

You know, Liz is fucking lucky to have you, Harry.

Yeah, she is.

I mean, they all are.

I'm just as an independent observer.

There's a lot of take, take, take in that house.

You know, there's actually a lot of give, too, when I ask for it.

Well, you are very forgiving.

No, I know Liz is complicated,

but she's also done more for me than pretty much anyone else in my life.

You know who took me by surprise?

Pammy.

Very dark horse.

How's that?

I saw that woman put cash in the stripper's G-string with her teeth.

How'd you pull up, Ames?

OK.

Oh, yeah?

I heard the real Belter was here last night with you two.

Oh, no, not really.

You're not using our pyjamas.

Well, I've ridden myself off heaps of times in my pyjamas.

How are you?

I feel good.

Oh, Azza, what time's the cake pick-up?

And do we lose our deposit if any of the taps are broken or missing?

Oh, also, I left my jacket at the venue.

Have you got a number for them?

I think you two can figure it out.

All right, see you later.

Where's Lizzie?

She's still out.

Is she?

Yeah.

Last time I saw her, she was trying to pull off some move called riding a pony.

That's not what it looked like.

She'll try to tell us in one day.

How do you spell paragraph?

Next time on Five Bedrooms.

Ah.

Solid girl.

You know Heather's bringing Ed?

You don't have to make any kind of special effort.

Just want to make sure he feels welcome.

Should we set up in here?

Or would you like to get a little bit of breakfast or maybe a quick shower?

I didn't sleep.

Mate, is it just the time of trouble?

What? Yeah.

Because if that's not the full story...

It is, man.

Ains, you are about to marry Simo.

Just putting that aside for a second.

I don't think we should.

The idea of you and me living here, having a baby.

I couldn't stop thinking about it.