Father Knows Best (1954–1960): Season 3, Episode 7 - Betty's Birthday - full transcript
It's Betty's 18th birthday, and she doesn't want any presents.
[classical music]
♪ ♪
Narrator: ROBERT YOUNG
AND JANE WYATT.
[laughter]
WITH ELINOR DONAHUE, BILLY
GRAY, AND LAUREN CHAPIN...
IN FATHER KNOWS BEST.
I KNOW, JOE,
BUT SUPPOSING YOU WERE
UNLUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE A SISTER,
AND IT WAS HER 18th BIRTHDAY,
WHAT WOULD YOU GET HER?
POCKETBOOK?
I DON'T KNOW NOTHING
ABOUT GIRLS' POCKETBOOKS.
WHAT?
A TOOL KIT?
[canned laughter]
WELL, THAT'S NO GOOD.
DAD WOULD WANT TO BE
BORROWING IT ALL THE TIME,
AND WHAT GOOD IT WOULD DO TO ME?
YOU'RE THREE HOURS ARE UP.
SIGNAL WENT THROUGH, PLEASE.
[canned laughter] I
GOT TO GO, JOE.
THANKS FOR NOTHING. SO LONG.
[canned laughter]
I HEARD HE WAS SUPPOSED TO
KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT WOMEN?
HE CAN'T EVEN HELP ME TO
THINK OF A PRESENT TO BUY BETTY?
WHY DON'T YOU ASK ME?
I KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS.
SURE. SO DO I.
A YACHT, A MINK
COAT, A SPORTS CAR.
WHAT IS IT SHE WANTS
A MERE UNSALARIED POOR
BROTHER CAN BUY HER?
A SWEATER.
SHE MENTIONED IT
TO ME LAST WEEK.
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA, MOM.
THERE'S ONLY ONE
THING WRONG WITH IT.
I CAN'T KNIT.
BUD, NOWADAYS YOU CAN
BUY SWEATERS ALREADY KNIT.
ON 75 CENTS?
[canned laughter]
OH, WHY DON'T YOU
EARN THE MONEY, BUD?
YOU'VE GOT A WEEK YET.
AFTER ALL, BETTY GAVE YOU A
NICE PRESENT ON YOUR BIRTHDAY,
AND SHE EARNED THE
MONEY FROM BABYSITTING.
YOU'RE NOT SUGGESTING
I'D BABYSIT, AREN'T YOU?
[chuckles] YOU CAN DO
OTHER THINGS, BUD.
RUN ERRANDS. MOW
LAWNS. THAT'S RIGHT, BUD.
AFTER ALL, THE
TRUE SPIRIT OF GIVING
IS SACRIFICING
SOMETHING OF YOURSELF.
YOU MEAN, I SHOULD GO OUT AND
WORK MY FINGERS TO THE BONE
TO BUY A PRESENT FOR SOMEONE
WHO CALLS ME THE NAME
"SHE-DUST" SOMETIMES?
OH, BUD, YOU KNOW SHE
DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING BY THAT.
THAT'S A SIGN OF AFFECTION.
GOOD MORNING, KNUCKLEHEAD.
[canned laughter]
I THINK I'D RATHER
HAVE HER JUST HATE ME.
[canned laughter]
[door opens]
sighs [door closes]
[classical music]
♪ ♪
AS WE HAVE DISCUSSED
BEFORE IN THIS CLASS,
THERE ARE MANY CULTURAL
CHANGES WHICH CAN BE TRACED BACK
TO PRIMITIVE TIMES.
FOR INSTANCE,
OUR PRESENT CUSTOM
TODAY OF GIVING GIFTS
DATES BACK TO A TIME WHEN
NATIVES LIVING IN AFRICA
USED TO EXCHANGE
GOODS WITH EACH OTHER.
THEN IT WAS CUSTOMARY
FOR ONE PARTY OF NATIVES
TO GO TO A PRE-ARRANGED LOCATION
AND PLACE THEIR
GOODS ON THE GROUND.
THEN THEY WOULD
RETIRE TO A NEARBY TREE
AND WAIT FOR OTHER NATIVES TO
COME AND PUT DOWN SOMETHING
WHICH THEY FELT
WAS OF EQUAL VALUE.
UH, PROFESSOR BROWN?
OH, YES, MS. ANDERSON?
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF
THEY DIDN'T LEAVE SOMETHING
THAT THE FIRST GROUP OF NATIVES
FELT WAS VALUABLE ENOUGH?
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU
GAVE SOMEONE A PRESENT WORTH $5
AND THAT PERSON GAVE YOU
A PRESENT WORTH 50 CENTS?
[laughter]
PRESUMING THAT YOU BOTH
COULD AFFORD TO SPEND
THE SAME AMOUNT OF MONEY.
I GUESS I WOULDN'T LIKE IT.
[chuckles]
THE SAME THING
APPLIES TO THE NATIVES.
HOWEVER, THEY MIGHT
HAVE HAD MORE VIOLENT WAYS
OF SHOWING THEIR DISAPPROVAL.
[canned laughter]
SO, OUR PRESENT CUSTOM TODAY
OF EXCHANGING GIFTS ON
BIRTHDAYS AND HOLIDAYS,
STARTED IN JUST SUCH
CEREMONIES LONG AGO.
UNFORTUNATELY, ALL WE HAVE
LEFT OF SOME OF THESE CUSTOMS
SOMETIMES ARE RITUALS
WITHOUT ANY REAL MEANING.
YOU KNOW, WHAT PROFESSOR BROWN
HAD TO SAY THIS MORNING
MAKES AN AWFUL LOT OF SENSE.
LIKE WHAT?
LIKE PEOPLE EXCHANGING GIFTS
BEING A RESULT OF PRIMITIVES
BARGAINING WITH EACH OTHER.
I DON'T CARE WHO STARTED IT.
JUST AS LONG AS
PEOPLE KEEP ON DOING IT.
[canned laughter]
BUT DON'T YOU SEE
THAT IT IS WRONG?
[smirks] NO.
LOOK, YOU TOLD ME JUST YESTERDAY
THAT YOU WERE GONNA
GIVE A BIRTHDAY PRESENT
TO ARLENE SMITH.
THAT'S RIGHT, I AM. WHY?
WELL, BECAUSE SHE GAVE
ME ONE ON MY BIRTHDAY.
AND YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE HER.
WELL, I... I CAN'T SAY THAT
I'M OVERLY FOND OF HER
SINCE SHE TOOK MY
BOYFRIEND AWAY FROM ME.
AND YOU ARE.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT PROFESSOR
BROWN WAS TALKING ABOUT.
YOU'RE NOT GETTING ARLENE A
PRESENT BECAUSE YOU LIKE HER,
HAVE ANY DEEP FEELINGS FOR HER.
YOU'RE DOING IT
BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO,
AND I THINK THAT'S WRONG.
WELL, WOULDN'T YOU BE UNHAPPY
IF NO ONE GAVE YOU ANY PRESENTS
ON YOUR BIRTHDAY NEXT FRIDAY?
NO, DOTTY, I WOULDN'T.
I'VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT THIS FOR SOMETIME.
I'VE DECIDED TO GO ALONG
WITH PROFESSOR BROWN.
HMM, I WONDER HOW
THE CONTEST IS COMING.
HELLO, BETTY. OH,
HELLO, MR. MARKS.
WANT TO TAKE ANOTHER
GUESS? OH, I CERTAINLY DO.
I WOULD LOVE TO
WIN THIS LITTLE HEART.
WELL, WE MIGHT AS
WELL GUESS AGAIN.
WE'VE BEEN DOING
IT FOR A MONTH NOW.
[cash register dings]
WELL, THE SUSPENSE WILL BE OVER,
DAY AFTER TOMORROW,
CONTEST IS OVER THEN.
GOOD LUCK, GIRLS.
THANK YOU.
HI.
OH, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE, KATHY?
IT'S A SECRET.
BETTY, YOU DON'T MIND
IF I GIVE YOU A BIRTHDAY
PRESENT, DO YOU?
YES, I DO, DOTTY.
I THINK IT'S TIME PEOPLE
BEGAN TO REALIZE THAT...
WE SHOULD BREAK AWAY
FROM THIS OUTMODED CUSTOMS.
BESIDES, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO GIVE ME A PRESENT
TO CONVINCE ME YOU'RE MY FRIEND.
TEN, ELEVEN, TWELVE,
THIRTEEN, FOURTEEN...
UH, UH, UH, NO FAIR.
OH, I WAS JUST LOOKING.
BUT YOU KNOW THE RULES, KATHY,
ONE GUESS FOR EACH
25-CENT PURCHASE.
WELL, AS LONG AS I
CAN'T TAKE A GUESS
WITHOUT BUYING SOMETHING,
I MIGHT AS WELL GET A
BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR MY SISTER.
ALL RIGHT.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT ABOUT A NICE
KEY RING? OH, OKAY.
HERE YOU ARE, KATHY.
MR. MARKS, IF I WIN, WILL
YOU CALL ME RIGHT AWAY?
YOU'LL BE THE FIRST TO KNOW.
THANK YOU.
KATHY, WHAT ARE
YOU WORRYING ABOUT?
THIS IS THE LAST DAY
OF THE CONTEST, MOMMY.
I THOUGHT MAYBE
I'D WIN THAT HEART.
OH, YOU MUST REMEMBER
THERE ARE LOTS OF PEOPLE
IN THAT CONTEST.
EVERYONE CANNOT WIN.
I DIDN'T WANT EVERYONE TO WIN.
I JUST WANTED ME TO WIN.
KATHY!
KATHY, GUESS WHAT
HAPPENED. WHAT?
WHAT IS IT, BETTY? KATHY
WON THE LITTLE HEART.
ANGEL, HOW WONDERFUL!
I STOPPED BY THE
DRUGSTORE ON MY WAY HOME
AND MR. MARKS SAID
TO GIVE IT TO YOU.
OPEN IT, KATHY. IT'S ALL YOURS.
COME ON.
OH, SOLID GOLD, A REAL DIAMOND.
OH, I'D GIVE ANYTHING IN
THE WORLD IF I'D WON IT.
OH, I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU.
IS IT REALLY MINE? TO KEEP?
OF COURSE, IT IS.
OH.
I HAD NO IDEA THAT WINNING THAT
HEART MEANT SO MUCH TO HER.
SHE'LL PROBABLY
SWAP IT FOR A FOOTBALL.
[canned laughter]
MARGARET.
I HEAR KATHY WON THE JACKPOT.
THAT'S RIGHT. SHE DID.
[both laugh]
I'VE BEEN GUESSING
ON THOSE JELLY BEANS
FOR A WHOLE MONTH MYSELF.
I WONDER HOW SHE DID IT.
BUT SHE SAID SHE COUNTED AS
MANY JELLY BEANS AS SHE COULD
BEFORE MR. MARKS
TOLD HER TO STOP.
AND THEN SHE ADDED, UH, A BUNCH
OF ZEROES AFTER THE NUMBER.
I KNEW I WAS BEING
TOO SCIENTIFIC ABOUT IT.
HMM, I GOT BETTY HER PRESENT.
DID YOU GET THE
WRISTWATCH? UH-HMM.
OH! JIM, IT'S BEAUTIFUL!
I BET SHE'D BEEN TRYING TO FIND
OUT WHAT WE'RE GETTING HER.
NO, SHE HASN'T.
IN FACT, SHE SAYS THAT SHE
DOESN'T WANT US TO DO ANYTHING
ABOUT HER BIRTHDAY THIS YEAR.
OH, MARGARET, SHE MEANS
THAT ABOUT AS MUCH AS SHE DOES
WHEN SHE TELLS RALPH SHE
NEVER WANTS TO SEE HIM AGAIN,
UNTIL NEXT WEEK.
WELL, I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'LL
MEAN A THING LIKE THAT, BUT...
I'LL NEVER FORGET LAST YEAR.
SHE WANTED A MUSICAL JEWEL BOX.
REMEMBER, HONEY? I CERTAINLY DO.
AND YOU TRIED TO
MAKE HER BELIEVE
SHE WAS GETTING
SOMETHING SENSIBLE LIKE, UH,
A COUPLE OF BOTTOM FRYING PANS.
[laughs]
SHE HECKLED ME FOR TWO WEEKS
TRYING TO FIND OUT IF I COULD
REALLY BE SO UNREASONABLE.
AND YOU LOVED
EVERY MINUTE OF IT.
[chuckles] THAT'S RIGHT, I DID.
YOU MEAN SHE HASN'T EVEN...
ASKED FOR A LITTLE HINT?
NOPE, JIM.
WOW.
TOMORROW'S HER BIRTHDAY.
SHE'S PROBABLY WAITING
UNTIL THEN TO GET EXCITED.
[laughs]
[melancholy music]
♪ ♪
[door closes]
♪ ♪
OH, WHAT'S THE
MATTER WITH YOU, SON?
HAVE A TOUGH DAY AT THE OFFICE?
[canned laughter]
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY
LAWNS I'VE MOWED SINCE MONDAY?
NO. HOW MANY?
THREE ON MONDAY,
FOUR ON TUESDAY,
FIVE ON WEDNESDAY,
AND FIVE TODAY.
THAT'S RIGHT, JIM.
HE'S BEEN WORKING VERY HARD.
LOOK AT THAT,
CALLUSES AND BLISTERS.
AND FOR WHAT?
TO BUY A BIRTHDAY
PRESENT FOR A GIRL.
AND WHAT MAKES IT
WORSE, SHE'S MY SISTER.
[canned laughter]
AND AFTER THE WAY SHE TREATS
ME A... AND THE NAME SHE CALLS ME.
DAD, IN THE LAST TWO DAYS,
SHE'S CALLED ME BONEHEAD,
KNUCKLEHEAD,
NEEDLE NOSE, EGG FACE.
BUT DON'T YOU REALIZE... I KNOW.
SHE LOVES ME.
[canned laughter]
[comical music]
IT'S A PRETTY FINE BOY
WE HAVE THERE, MARGARET.
I KNOW.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
YOU KNOW, BUD,
WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING THE PAST
FEW DAYS REALLY SHOWS CHARACTER.
I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU.
YEAH?
TO BEGIN WITH,
YOU'RE SHOWING THAT THE
THOUGHT BEHIND THE GIFT
IS MORE IMPORTANT
THAN THE GIFT ITSELF.
OH, IT'S... IT'S REALLY NOTHING.
[sighs] WELL, I THINK
IT'S PRETTY WONDERFUL.
BETTY WANTS A SWEATER...
OH, WHAT'S A FEW
LAWNS IF IT MEANS
I CAN GET HER
SOMETHING SHE NEEDS.
THIS WAY, I CAN WALK RIGHT
INTO THAT SWEATER SHOP,
AND BUY HER THE MOST
EXPENSIVE SWEATER THEY GOT.
ERMINE, MAYBE?
MINK?
THIS IS A DOLORES ORIGINAL.
I KNOW A GIRL BY THE
NAME OF DOLORES.
[canned laughter]
SHE WORKS IN ONE OF THOSE
SERVE-YOURSELF GAS STATIONS.
[canned laughter]
I DOUBT IF THIS IS
THE SAME DOLORES.
OH, I... I SUPPOSE NOT.
IS THIS WHAT YOU HAD IN MIND?
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
HO... HOW MUCH IS IT?
$155.
[canned laughter]
OH, COME TO THINK OF IT, I... I
THINK SHE'S ALLERGIC TO MINK.
MAKES HER BREAK OUT.
IN FACT, ALL SHE HAS TO DO
IS... IS SEE SOMEONE ON
TELEVISION WITH MINK ON,
BREAKS OUT ALL...
[canned laughter]
YOUNG MAN, SUPPOSE YOU TELL ME
JUST EXACTLY HOW MUCH YOU
WANT TO SPEND ON THIS SWEATER.
OH, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND
ANYTHING PARTICULARLY.
I... IT'S MY SISTER'S
BIRTHDAY AND I GOTTA.
[canned laughter]
WELL, HOW MUCH HAVE YOU GOTTA?
$15.
[sighs]
WE DO HAVE SWEATERS FOR $15.
[canned laughter]
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
WHAT SIZE?
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
WELL, SURELY YOU MUST
KNOW WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE?
IS SHE TALL OR SHORT OR FAT?
I NEVER NOTICED.
SHE'S JUST MY SISTER.
[sighs] CAN'T YOU DESCRIBE HER?
WELL, SHE'S A...
SORT OF FUNNY-LOOKING,
TALKS ALL THE TIME...
[sighs]
UH, MAY I MAKE A SUGGESTION?
SURE, GO AHEAD.
I'LL PICK OUT A SWEATER FOR YOU,
AND YOU CAN GIVE
IT TO YOUR SISTER.
THEN IF THE SIZE AND
COLOR AREN'T RIGHT,
SHE CAN EXCHANGE IT.
WELL, GEE, THANKS.
I WISH YOU'D HAVE
THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE.
SO DO I.
[canned laughter]
HERE'S THE BIRTHDAY
CANDLES, MOMMY.
OH, ALL RIGHT, ANGEL.
NOW, PUT THEM AWAY
UNTIL THE FROSTING IS DONE.
MMM, BIRTHDAYS
ARE FUN, AREN'T THEY?
THEY ARE UNTIL YOU
GET TOO MANY OF THEM.
MARGARET?
COAST CLEAR, HONEY?
IT IS RIGHT NOW, DEAR.
BETTY SHOULD BE HERE ANY MINUTE.
I GOT HER THE SWEATER,
MOM. GOOD FOR YOU, SON.
WHY, WHAT A PRODUCTION,
BUYING A SWEATER IS.
IT WAS MORE WORK THAN
MOWING ALL 15 LAWNS.
HOW ABOUT BEATING
THIS FOR A WHILE?
IS THAT, THAT 7-MINUTE STUFF?
THAT'S RIGHT, YOU JUST HAVE
TWO MORE MINUTES TO GO.
IT DOESN'T MAKE MUCH SENSE.
YOU SPEND SEVEN MINUTES
BEATING SOMETHING,
AND IT TAKES TWO
MINUTES TO EAT IT.
DON'T TALK BEAT.
HI, DADDY!
HELLO, KATHY.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M GIVING BETTY, DADDY?
YOUR PRICED COLLECTION OF ROCKS?
NOPE, SOMETHING
MUCH BIGGER THAN THAT.
OH, BIGGER ROCKS?
HMM, YOU'LL SEE.
MOM, I THINK MY
ARMS ARE PARALYZED.
OH, BUD, HERE I'LL
FINISH IT FOR YOU.
I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO
COLLAPSE ON BETTY'S BIRTHDAY.
IT'S PROBABLY BROKEN.
BETTY SHOULD BE HERE
BY NOW, MARGARET.
I KNOW, DEAR.
I'LL BET SHE'D BE
SURPRISED BY ALL OF THIS.
SURPRISE?
WE GO THROUGH THIS
ROUTINE EVERY YEAR.
BETTY CUTS CLASS
TO RUSH HOME EARLY,
AND WE ALL HIDE IN THE KITCHEN,
SO SHE'LL THINK WE'VE
FORGOTTEN IT'S HER BIRTHDAY.
THEN SHE COMES IN THE
FRONT DOOR AND HOLLERS,
"HELLO EVERYBODY,
WHERE ARE YOU?"
AND DAD, YOU TELL HER
NOT TO COME IN THE KITCHEN,
OF COURSE, THAT
BRINGS HER IN RIGHT AWAY,
BECAUSE SHE CAN'T
WAIT TO GET HER HANDS
ON THE LOOT SHE'S GONNA GET.
BUD, IF YOU'LL GO ON, YOU'LL
BREAK YOUR MAIN SPRING.
[door slams]
HELLO EVERYBODY, WHERE ARE YOU?
[canned laughter] HERE SHE IS.
BETTY, WE'RE ALL IN THE KITCHEN,
BUT WHATEVER YOU DO,
DON'T COME OUT HERE.
OKAY, FATHER.
SAY, SHE WASN'T
SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT?
OH, SHE'S PROBABLY JUST TEASING.
WELL, COME ON,
KATHY, BUD, LIGHTEN UP,
SO WE CAN SING WHEN
SHE COMES OUT, COME ON.
AND THIS TIME SING
HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
NOT STAR-SPANGLED BANNER
THE WAY YOU DID LAST TIME.
I WILL, I WILL.
BETTY, WHATEVER YOU
DO, DON'T COME OUT HERE.
I WON'T, FATHER.
SAY, THIS ISN'T
ACCORDING TO PLAN.
BETTY?
OH, WHY DON'T COME
IN HERE, FATHER?
UH, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE
YOU'VE FORGOTTEN,
WHAT, UH, DAY THIS IS.
HAVE YOU, BETTY? NO, FATHER,
EIGHTEEN YEARS AGO
TODAY, I WAS BORN.
THEN YOU ARE AWARE
THAT THIS IS A SPECIAL DAY.
OF COURSE, I'M
AWARE OF IT, FATHER.
PRIMITIVE SOCIETIES
REFER TO IT AS A BIRTHDAY.
BUT BEING MODERN, IN MY THINKING
I BELIEVE TODAY SHOULD
NOT BE ANY DIFFERENT
THAN ANY OTHER DAY.
ALL RIGHT, BETTY,
I'VE HEARD ALL OF THIS
MEDIEVAL PRIMITIVE NONSENSE,
I CARE TO HEAR.
NOW, LET US BRING
IN YOUR PRESENTS
AND HAVE A HAPPY
BIRTHDAY AS WE ALWAYS DO.
IT ISN'T NONSENSE, FATHER.
I THINK THE WAY I FEEL
MAKES A LOT OF SENSE
IF YOU'LL JUST LET ME EXPLAIN.
I THINK WE OUGHT
TO CALL A DOCTOR.
BE QUIET, BUD.
I JUST THINK THAT DOING
AWAY WITH THESE CEREMONIES
THAT ARE OUTDATED WOULD
SAVE EVERY ONE A LOT OF TROUBLE.
YOU MEAN I MOWED ALL 15
LAWNS AND GOT THESE BLISTERS,
AND NOW YOU DON'T
WANNA TAKE MY PRESENT?
THAT PROVES MY POINT.
NOW, SURELY YOU DIDN'T
ENJOY DOING ALL THAT WORK?
MOM, HAS THERE EVER BEEN
ANY INSANITY IN THE FAMILY?
NOT UNTIL NOW.
I WANTED TO GIVE YOU A PRESENT.
I HAD NO IDEA
THIS WAS GONNA HAVE SUCH
AN EFFECT ON ALL OF YOU.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE
YOU FEEL BAD, HONEST.
IF YOU'RE GONNA
TAKE IT THIS WAY,
I-I'LL ACCEPT YOUR GIFTS.
NO, BETTY, I DON'T
THINK ANY OF US
WANNA GIVE YOU
PRESENTS ON THAT BASIS.
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE
ME, I THINK I'LL GO IN THE DEN
BEFORE I SUCCUMB TO A RATHER
PRIMITIVE IMPULSE THAT I HAVE.
[canned laughter]
♪ ♪
FATHER, PLEASE
LET ME TALK TO YOU.
ALL RIGHT, BETTY, COME IN.
♪ ♪
FATHER, YOU'VE ALWAYS SAID
WHAT THIS COUNTRY
NEEDS IS THINKERS.
PEOPLE WHO CAN CONTRIBUTE NEW
THOUGHTS AND EXPRESS NEW IDEAS,
ISN'T THAT RIGHT?
IF THEY'RE CONSTRUCTIVE
IDEAS AND THOUGHTS, YES.
ALL I'M TRYING TO DO IS
HAVE NEW IDEAS TO BENEFIT
FROM WHAT I'M
LEARNING AT COLLEGE.
PROFESSOR BROWN HAS BEEN
LECTURING TO US THE PAST WEEK
ON THE ORIGIN OF MANY
OF OUR CUSTOMS TODAY.
AND IT SEEMS TO ME
THAT WE'RE CLINGING
TO A LOT OF EMPTY RITUALS
THAT STARTED CENTURIES AGO,
RITUALS THAT DON'T
MEAN A THING TODAY.
LIKE BIRTHDAYS?
BIRTHDAYS... CHRISTMAS.
YOU WANNA DO AWAY
WITH CHRISTMAS, TOO?
I JUST WANNA DO AWAY
WITH THE COMMERCIAL ASPECT
OF BIRTHDAYS AND CHRISTMASES.
YOU SAID YOURSELF, FATHER,
LAST YEAR, WHEN WE WENT TO
THE WOODS TO GET OUR OWN TREE
THAT PEOPLE HAD FORGOTTEN
THE REAL MEANING OF CHRISTMAS.
I DIDN'T SAY DO AWAY
WITH CHRISTMAS?
[sighs]
LOOK... WHAT HAPPENS
EVERY CHRISTMAS?
EVERYBODY RUSHES AROUND LIKE MAD
TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT
SO-AND-SO IS GIVING HIM,
SO THAT HE CAN
GIVE SO-AND-SO A GIFT
THAT COSTS JUST AS MUCH.
BY THE TIME CHRISTMAS
ARRIVES, EVERYONE IS EXHAUSTED,
MAD AND IN DEBT.
IT TAKES ALL YEAR TO RECOVER.
AND BY THE TIME YOU DO
IT, IT'S CHRISTMAS AGAIN.
ISN'T THAT THE WAY IT IS?
AND HOW DO YOU THINK THIS
SITUATION SHOULD BE CORRECTED?
WELL, I THINK THAT IT ISN'T
NECESSARY TO GIVE GIFTS
TO PROVE WE LOVE ONE ANOTHER.
IN OTHER WORDS,
WE SHOULD HAVE A PRACTICAL
APPROACH TO EVERYTHING?
THAT'S RIGHT.
MM-HMM.
ALL RIGHT, BETTY,
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
WE'LL TRY YOUR THEORY.
LET'S SEE HOW IT WORKS.
I'LL INFORM YOUR MOTHER
WE'RE TO HAVE A MODERN
CIVILIZED BIRTHDAY.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[door closes]
♪ ♪
THIS IS A WONDERFUL
DINNER, MOTHER.
WELL, THANKS, BETTY.
JUST BACON AND
EGGS, NOTHING SPECIAL.
IF IT WERE SO WONDERFUL,
WHY DIDN'T YOU EAT IT?
WELL, I... I HAD A MILKSHAKE
BEFORE I CAME HOME.
I GUESS IT SPOILED MY APPETITE.
MY APPETITE'S SPOILED TOO,
BUT IT WASN'T THE
MILKSHAKE THAT DID IT.
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FRIED
CHICKEN WE WERE GONNA HAVE?
I PUT IT IN THE
DEEP FREEZE, ANGEL.
I THOUGHT WE'D SAVE IT FOR AN
IMPORTANT OCCASION SOMETIME.
I AM READY FOR
DESSERT, MARGARET.
DO WE HAVE ANYTHING?
OH, I MADE A CAKE TODAY, DEAR.
I'LL GET IT.
WHAT GOOD'S A CAKE
WITHOUT ANY FROSTING?
YOU MEAN, I STOOD
OVER THAT HOT STOVE
BEATING THAT STUFF FOR HOURS
AND WE'RE NOT GONNA HAVE IT?
IT'S JUST AN ORDINARY CAKE, BUD.
YOU TOOK OF OFF ALL THE
CANDLES AND THE DECORATIONS TOO.
THAT'S RIGHT, DEAR.
THEY MADE IT LOOK SORT OF SILLY.
I DON'T WANT ANY OLD CAKE.
I'M GOING OUTSIDE AND PLAY.
[dramatic music]
BUD, WANT SOME CAKE?
NO, THANKS, MOM.
GOT TO GO OUTSIDE AND
OIL UP THE LAWNMOWER.
IT'S IN PRETTY BAD SHAPE.
BETTY, WHAT ABOUT YOU,
READY FOR SOME
CAKE? [door slams shut]
I DON'T BELIEVE SO, MOTHER.
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I... I
HAVE SOME HOMEWORK TO DO.
♪ ♪
BETTY... YOU'RE EXCUSED, BETTY.
♪ ♪
THANK YOU.
♪ ♪
[running footsteps]
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[knocking]
WHO IS IT?
CAN I TALK TO YOU
A MINUTE, BETTY?
OH, OF COURSE, FATHER.
COME ON IN.
PRINCESS, UM...
WILL YOU DO SOMETHING FOR ME?
OH, ANYTHING, FATHER.
WHAT IS IT?
I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT
SOME OF YOUR THEORIES
AND YOU JUST ABOUT
CONVINCED ME, YOU'RE RIGHT.
OH? MAYBE IT IS A LITTLE SILLY
AND PRIMITIVE TO GO THROUGH
FORMALITIES OUT OF HABIT.
OH, I COULD BE
WRONG TOO, FATHER.
IT WAS JUST AN IDEA.
IT'S GOOD TO HAVE IDEAS.
BUT THERE'S A SLIGHT PROBLEM...
THAT'S KATHY.
YOU SEE KATHY IS TOO
YOUNG TO UNDERSTAND
THAT SENTIMENT IS BASED
ON COMMERCIAL GAIN.
WHEN SHE'S OLDER,
IF PEOPLE GO ALONG WITH
YOUR THINKING ON THE SUBJECT,
SHE'LL UNDERSTAND THAT
NO ONE EVER GIVES A PRESENT
TO SHOW AFFECTION OR LOVE.
BUT, RIGHT NOW, SHE
IS JUST A LITTLE GIRL
WITH A PRESENT SHE WANTS
TO GIVE TO HER BIG SISTER.
[dramatic music]
YOUR MOTHER AND I CAN TAKE
BACK THE PRESENT WE BOUGHT YOU.
BUD'S BLISTERS...
HE GOT, UH, MOWING LAWNS
TO BUY YOU A PRESENT,
WILL UNDOUBTEDLY HEAL.
BUT, UH, A LITTLE GIRL'S HEART
NEVER MENDS WHEN IT'S BROKEN.
♪ ♪
YOU WANT ME TO
ACCEPT KATHY'S GIFT?
I THINK IT WOULD BE
VERY NICE IF YOU DID.
OF COURSE, I WILL.
I'LL GO RIGHT DOWNSTAIRS NOW...
OH, IT WON'T BE NECESSARY.
SHE'LL BRING IT UP TO YOU.
KATHY!
AND REMEMBER, SHE ONLY HAD
25 CENTS TO SPEND ON A PRESENT,
SO IT WON'T BE VERY MUCH.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT IS.
♪ ♪
COME IN, KITTEN.
♪ ♪
I'M GLAD YOU'RE GONNA
TAKE MY PRESENT, BETTY.
♪ ♪
I REALLY WANT IT
VERY MUCH, KATHY.
I THINK IT'S AWFULLY SWEET OF
YOU TO SPEND YOUR ALLOWANCE
TO GET ME SOMETHING.
♪ ♪
OH...
YOU MUST HAVE MADE
A MISTAKE, HONEY.
THIS IS THE HEART YOU WON,
YOU MUSTN'T GIVE IT TO ME.
YOU SAID YOU
WANTED IT, DIDN'T YOU?
♪ ♪
IF I WON IT.
THIS IS MY BIRTHDAY
PRESENT TO YOU.
BUT YOU LOVE IT SO
MUCH, I KNOW YOU DO.
WHY DO YOU WANNA GIVE IT TO ME?
'CAUSE IT MAKES ME
FEEL GOOD INSIDE.
♪ ♪
OH, THANK YOU.
♪ ♪
NOW, LET'S GO
DOWNSTAIRS NOW, KATHY.
♪ ♪
FATHER I...
GOODNIGHT, BETTY.
AND, UH, THANK YOU.
♪ ♪
[music box playing
"Happy Birthday"]
I DON'T KNOW IF SHE'S
COMING DOWN, JIM.
SHE WILL BE DOWN.
I KNOW WHAT'S WRONG
WITH THIS WORLD, GIRLS.
[canned laughter]
[door opens, shuts close]
♪ ♪
DEAR, I THINK WE'RE
MAKING IT TOO HARD ON HER.
WELL, MAYBE YOU'RE
RIGHT, MARGARET.
HMM, SOME PARTY THIS IS.
BETTY!
YES, FATHER.
DON'T YOU DARE COME DOWN HERE
AND SEE THE PRESENTS WE
HAVE FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
MOTHER.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, PRINCESS.
[chuckles]
WELCOME BACK TO CIVILIZATION.
[chuckles]
♪ ♪
GEE WIZ.
WHAT'S EVERYBODY BALLING FOR?
I THOUGHT BIRTHDAYS
WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY.
I'M HAPPY.
OH, I AM, TOO.
[laughter]
OH, THIS HAS BEEN SUCH
A WONDERFUL BIRTHDAY.
WHY, I GUESS IT'S A CUSTOM
THAT'S HERE TO STAY, BETTY.
AND THERE'S
ANOTHER CUSTOM I LIKE,
ONE THAT'S BEEN
GOING ON FOR YEARS.
YEAH. SIT DOWN HERE, HONEY.
SOMETHING I HOPE NEVER CHANGES.
CLOSE YOUR EYES.
[background music
"Happy Birthday"]
♪ ♪
NOW, YOU CAN OPEN
YOUR EYES, BETTY.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BETTY!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BETTY!
[laughs] MAKE A WISH, BETTY.
♪ ♪
I WISH THAT EVERYBODY COULD
HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIKE THIS.
♪ ♪
[applaud]
[theme music]
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Narrator: ROBERT YOUNG
AND JANE WYATT.
[laughter]
WITH ELINOR DONAHUE, BILLY
GRAY, AND LAUREN CHAPIN...
IN FATHER KNOWS BEST.
I KNOW, JOE,
BUT SUPPOSING YOU WERE
UNLUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE A SISTER,
AND IT WAS HER 18th BIRTHDAY,
WHAT WOULD YOU GET HER?
POCKETBOOK?
I DON'T KNOW NOTHING
ABOUT GIRLS' POCKETBOOKS.
WHAT?
A TOOL KIT?
[canned laughter]
WELL, THAT'S NO GOOD.
DAD WOULD WANT TO BE
BORROWING IT ALL THE TIME,
AND WHAT GOOD IT WOULD DO TO ME?
YOU'RE THREE HOURS ARE UP.
SIGNAL WENT THROUGH, PLEASE.
[canned laughter] I
GOT TO GO, JOE.
THANKS FOR NOTHING. SO LONG.
[canned laughter]
I HEARD HE WAS SUPPOSED TO
KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT WOMEN?
HE CAN'T EVEN HELP ME TO
THINK OF A PRESENT TO BUY BETTY?
WHY DON'T YOU ASK ME?
I KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS.
SURE. SO DO I.
A YACHT, A MINK
COAT, A SPORTS CAR.
WHAT IS IT SHE WANTS
A MERE UNSALARIED POOR
BROTHER CAN BUY HER?
A SWEATER.
SHE MENTIONED IT
TO ME LAST WEEK.
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA, MOM.
THERE'S ONLY ONE
THING WRONG WITH IT.
I CAN'T KNIT.
BUD, NOWADAYS YOU CAN
BUY SWEATERS ALREADY KNIT.
ON 75 CENTS?
[canned laughter]
OH, WHY DON'T YOU
EARN THE MONEY, BUD?
YOU'VE GOT A WEEK YET.
AFTER ALL, BETTY GAVE YOU A
NICE PRESENT ON YOUR BIRTHDAY,
AND SHE EARNED THE
MONEY FROM BABYSITTING.
YOU'RE NOT SUGGESTING
I'D BABYSIT, AREN'T YOU?
[chuckles] YOU CAN DO
OTHER THINGS, BUD.
RUN ERRANDS. MOW
LAWNS. THAT'S RIGHT, BUD.
AFTER ALL, THE
TRUE SPIRIT OF GIVING
IS SACRIFICING
SOMETHING OF YOURSELF.
YOU MEAN, I SHOULD GO OUT AND
WORK MY FINGERS TO THE BONE
TO BUY A PRESENT FOR SOMEONE
WHO CALLS ME THE NAME
"SHE-DUST" SOMETIMES?
OH, BUD, YOU KNOW SHE
DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING BY THAT.
THAT'S A SIGN OF AFFECTION.
GOOD MORNING, KNUCKLEHEAD.
[canned laughter]
I THINK I'D RATHER
HAVE HER JUST HATE ME.
[canned laughter]
[door opens]
sighs [door closes]
[classical music]
♪ ♪
AS WE HAVE DISCUSSED
BEFORE IN THIS CLASS,
THERE ARE MANY CULTURAL
CHANGES WHICH CAN BE TRACED BACK
TO PRIMITIVE TIMES.
FOR INSTANCE,
OUR PRESENT CUSTOM
TODAY OF GIVING GIFTS
DATES BACK TO A TIME WHEN
NATIVES LIVING IN AFRICA
USED TO EXCHANGE
GOODS WITH EACH OTHER.
THEN IT WAS CUSTOMARY
FOR ONE PARTY OF NATIVES
TO GO TO A PRE-ARRANGED LOCATION
AND PLACE THEIR
GOODS ON THE GROUND.
THEN THEY WOULD
RETIRE TO A NEARBY TREE
AND WAIT FOR OTHER NATIVES TO
COME AND PUT DOWN SOMETHING
WHICH THEY FELT
WAS OF EQUAL VALUE.
UH, PROFESSOR BROWN?
OH, YES, MS. ANDERSON?
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF
THEY DIDN'T LEAVE SOMETHING
THAT THE FIRST GROUP OF NATIVES
FELT WAS VALUABLE ENOUGH?
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU
GAVE SOMEONE A PRESENT WORTH $5
AND THAT PERSON GAVE YOU
A PRESENT WORTH 50 CENTS?
[laughter]
PRESUMING THAT YOU BOTH
COULD AFFORD TO SPEND
THE SAME AMOUNT OF MONEY.
I GUESS I WOULDN'T LIKE IT.
[chuckles]
THE SAME THING
APPLIES TO THE NATIVES.
HOWEVER, THEY MIGHT
HAVE HAD MORE VIOLENT WAYS
OF SHOWING THEIR DISAPPROVAL.
[canned laughter]
SO, OUR PRESENT CUSTOM TODAY
OF EXCHANGING GIFTS ON
BIRTHDAYS AND HOLIDAYS,
STARTED IN JUST SUCH
CEREMONIES LONG AGO.
UNFORTUNATELY, ALL WE HAVE
LEFT OF SOME OF THESE CUSTOMS
SOMETIMES ARE RITUALS
WITHOUT ANY REAL MEANING.
YOU KNOW, WHAT PROFESSOR BROWN
HAD TO SAY THIS MORNING
MAKES AN AWFUL LOT OF SENSE.
LIKE WHAT?
LIKE PEOPLE EXCHANGING GIFTS
BEING A RESULT OF PRIMITIVES
BARGAINING WITH EACH OTHER.
I DON'T CARE WHO STARTED IT.
JUST AS LONG AS
PEOPLE KEEP ON DOING IT.
[canned laughter]
BUT DON'T YOU SEE
THAT IT IS WRONG?
[smirks] NO.
LOOK, YOU TOLD ME JUST YESTERDAY
THAT YOU WERE GONNA
GIVE A BIRTHDAY PRESENT
TO ARLENE SMITH.
THAT'S RIGHT, I AM. WHY?
WELL, BECAUSE SHE GAVE
ME ONE ON MY BIRTHDAY.
AND YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE HER.
WELL, I... I CAN'T SAY THAT
I'M OVERLY FOND OF HER
SINCE SHE TOOK MY
BOYFRIEND AWAY FROM ME.
AND YOU ARE.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT PROFESSOR
BROWN WAS TALKING ABOUT.
YOU'RE NOT GETTING ARLENE A
PRESENT BECAUSE YOU LIKE HER,
HAVE ANY DEEP FEELINGS FOR HER.
YOU'RE DOING IT
BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO,
AND I THINK THAT'S WRONG.
WELL, WOULDN'T YOU BE UNHAPPY
IF NO ONE GAVE YOU ANY PRESENTS
ON YOUR BIRTHDAY NEXT FRIDAY?
NO, DOTTY, I WOULDN'T.
I'VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT THIS FOR SOMETIME.
I'VE DECIDED TO GO ALONG
WITH PROFESSOR BROWN.
HMM, I WONDER HOW
THE CONTEST IS COMING.
HELLO, BETTY. OH,
HELLO, MR. MARKS.
WANT TO TAKE ANOTHER
GUESS? OH, I CERTAINLY DO.
I WOULD LOVE TO
WIN THIS LITTLE HEART.
WELL, WE MIGHT AS
WELL GUESS AGAIN.
WE'VE BEEN DOING
IT FOR A MONTH NOW.
[cash register dings]
WELL, THE SUSPENSE WILL BE OVER,
DAY AFTER TOMORROW,
CONTEST IS OVER THEN.
GOOD LUCK, GIRLS.
THANK YOU.
HI.
OH, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE, KATHY?
IT'S A SECRET.
BETTY, YOU DON'T MIND
IF I GIVE YOU A BIRTHDAY
PRESENT, DO YOU?
YES, I DO, DOTTY.
I THINK IT'S TIME PEOPLE
BEGAN TO REALIZE THAT...
WE SHOULD BREAK AWAY
FROM THIS OUTMODED CUSTOMS.
BESIDES, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO GIVE ME A PRESENT
TO CONVINCE ME YOU'RE MY FRIEND.
TEN, ELEVEN, TWELVE,
THIRTEEN, FOURTEEN...
UH, UH, UH, NO FAIR.
OH, I WAS JUST LOOKING.
BUT YOU KNOW THE RULES, KATHY,
ONE GUESS FOR EACH
25-CENT PURCHASE.
WELL, AS LONG AS I
CAN'T TAKE A GUESS
WITHOUT BUYING SOMETHING,
I MIGHT AS WELL GET A
BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR MY SISTER.
ALL RIGHT.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT ABOUT A NICE
KEY RING? OH, OKAY.
HERE YOU ARE, KATHY.
MR. MARKS, IF I WIN, WILL
YOU CALL ME RIGHT AWAY?
YOU'LL BE THE FIRST TO KNOW.
THANK YOU.
KATHY, WHAT ARE
YOU WORRYING ABOUT?
THIS IS THE LAST DAY
OF THE CONTEST, MOMMY.
I THOUGHT MAYBE
I'D WIN THAT HEART.
OH, YOU MUST REMEMBER
THERE ARE LOTS OF PEOPLE
IN THAT CONTEST.
EVERYONE CANNOT WIN.
I DIDN'T WANT EVERYONE TO WIN.
I JUST WANTED ME TO WIN.
KATHY!
KATHY, GUESS WHAT
HAPPENED. WHAT?
WHAT IS IT, BETTY? KATHY
WON THE LITTLE HEART.
ANGEL, HOW WONDERFUL!
I STOPPED BY THE
DRUGSTORE ON MY WAY HOME
AND MR. MARKS SAID
TO GIVE IT TO YOU.
OPEN IT, KATHY. IT'S ALL YOURS.
COME ON.
OH, SOLID GOLD, A REAL DIAMOND.
OH, I'D GIVE ANYTHING IN
THE WORLD IF I'D WON IT.
OH, I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU.
IS IT REALLY MINE? TO KEEP?
OF COURSE, IT IS.
OH.
I HAD NO IDEA THAT WINNING THAT
HEART MEANT SO MUCH TO HER.
SHE'LL PROBABLY
SWAP IT FOR A FOOTBALL.
[canned laughter]
MARGARET.
I HEAR KATHY WON THE JACKPOT.
THAT'S RIGHT. SHE DID.
[both laugh]
I'VE BEEN GUESSING
ON THOSE JELLY BEANS
FOR A WHOLE MONTH MYSELF.
I WONDER HOW SHE DID IT.
BUT SHE SAID SHE COUNTED AS
MANY JELLY BEANS AS SHE COULD
BEFORE MR. MARKS
TOLD HER TO STOP.
AND THEN SHE ADDED, UH, A BUNCH
OF ZEROES AFTER THE NUMBER.
I KNEW I WAS BEING
TOO SCIENTIFIC ABOUT IT.
HMM, I GOT BETTY HER PRESENT.
DID YOU GET THE
WRISTWATCH? UH-HMM.
OH! JIM, IT'S BEAUTIFUL!
I BET SHE'D BEEN TRYING TO FIND
OUT WHAT WE'RE GETTING HER.
NO, SHE HASN'T.
IN FACT, SHE SAYS THAT SHE
DOESN'T WANT US TO DO ANYTHING
ABOUT HER BIRTHDAY THIS YEAR.
OH, MARGARET, SHE MEANS
THAT ABOUT AS MUCH AS SHE DOES
WHEN SHE TELLS RALPH SHE
NEVER WANTS TO SEE HIM AGAIN,
UNTIL NEXT WEEK.
WELL, I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'LL
MEAN A THING LIKE THAT, BUT...
I'LL NEVER FORGET LAST YEAR.
SHE WANTED A MUSICAL JEWEL BOX.
REMEMBER, HONEY? I CERTAINLY DO.
AND YOU TRIED TO
MAKE HER BELIEVE
SHE WAS GETTING
SOMETHING SENSIBLE LIKE, UH,
A COUPLE OF BOTTOM FRYING PANS.
[laughs]
SHE HECKLED ME FOR TWO WEEKS
TRYING TO FIND OUT IF I COULD
REALLY BE SO UNREASONABLE.
AND YOU LOVED
EVERY MINUTE OF IT.
[chuckles] THAT'S RIGHT, I DID.
YOU MEAN SHE HASN'T EVEN...
ASKED FOR A LITTLE HINT?
NOPE, JIM.
WOW.
TOMORROW'S HER BIRTHDAY.
SHE'S PROBABLY WAITING
UNTIL THEN TO GET EXCITED.
[laughs]
[melancholy music]
♪ ♪
[door closes]
♪ ♪
OH, WHAT'S THE
MATTER WITH YOU, SON?
HAVE A TOUGH DAY AT THE OFFICE?
[canned laughter]
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY
LAWNS I'VE MOWED SINCE MONDAY?
NO. HOW MANY?
THREE ON MONDAY,
FOUR ON TUESDAY,
FIVE ON WEDNESDAY,
AND FIVE TODAY.
THAT'S RIGHT, JIM.
HE'S BEEN WORKING VERY HARD.
LOOK AT THAT,
CALLUSES AND BLISTERS.
AND FOR WHAT?
TO BUY A BIRTHDAY
PRESENT FOR A GIRL.
AND WHAT MAKES IT
WORSE, SHE'S MY SISTER.
[canned laughter]
AND AFTER THE WAY SHE TREATS
ME A... AND THE NAME SHE CALLS ME.
DAD, IN THE LAST TWO DAYS,
SHE'S CALLED ME BONEHEAD,
KNUCKLEHEAD,
NEEDLE NOSE, EGG FACE.
BUT DON'T YOU REALIZE... I KNOW.
SHE LOVES ME.
[canned laughter]
[comical music]
IT'S A PRETTY FINE BOY
WE HAVE THERE, MARGARET.
I KNOW.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
YOU KNOW, BUD,
WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING THE PAST
FEW DAYS REALLY SHOWS CHARACTER.
I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU.
YEAH?
TO BEGIN WITH,
YOU'RE SHOWING THAT THE
THOUGHT BEHIND THE GIFT
IS MORE IMPORTANT
THAN THE GIFT ITSELF.
OH, IT'S... IT'S REALLY NOTHING.
[sighs] WELL, I THINK
IT'S PRETTY WONDERFUL.
BETTY WANTS A SWEATER...
OH, WHAT'S A FEW
LAWNS IF IT MEANS
I CAN GET HER
SOMETHING SHE NEEDS.
THIS WAY, I CAN WALK RIGHT
INTO THAT SWEATER SHOP,
AND BUY HER THE MOST
EXPENSIVE SWEATER THEY GOT.
ERMINE, MAYBE?
MINK?
THIS IS A DOLORES ORIGINAL.
I KNOW A GIRL BY THE
NAME OF DOLORES.
[canned laughter]
SHE WORKS IN ONE OF THOSE
SERVE-YOURSELF GAS STATIONS.
[canned laughter]
I DOUBT IF THIS IS
THE SAME DOLORES.
OH, I... I SUPPOSE NOT.
IS THIS WHAT YOU HAD IN MIND?
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
HO... HOW MUCH IS IT?
$155.
[canned laughter]
OH, COME TO THINK OF IT, I... I
THINK SHE'S ALLERGIC TO MINK.
MAKES HER BREAK OUT.
IN FACT, ALL SHE HAS TO DO
IS... IS SEE SOMEONE ON
TELEVISION WITH MINK ON,
BREAKS OUT ALL...
[canned laughter]
YOUNG MAN, SUPPOSE YOU TELL ME
JUST EXACTLY HOW MUCH YOU
WANT TO SPEND ON THIS SWEATER.
OH, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND
ANYTHING PARTICULARLY.
I... IT'S MY SISTER'S
BIRTHDAY AND I GOTTA.
[canned laughter]
WELL, HOW MUCH HAVE YOU GOTTA?
$15.
[sighs]
WE DO HAVE SWEATERS FOR $15.
[canned laughter]
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
WHAT SIZE?
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
WELL, SURELY YOU MUST
KNOW WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE?
IS SHE TALL OR SHORT OR FAT?
I NEVER NOTICED.
SHE'S JUST MY SISTER.
[sighs] CAN'T YOU DESCRIBE HER?
WELL, SHE'S A...
SORT OF FUNNY-LOOKING,
TALKS ALL THE TIME...
[sighs]
UH, MAY I MAKE A SUGGESTION?
SURE, GO AHEAD.
I'LL PICK OUT A SWEATER FOR YOU,
AND YOU CAN GIVE
IT TO YOUR SISTER.
THEN IF THE SIZE AND
COLOR AREN'T RIGHT,
SHE CAN EXCHANGE IT.
WELL, GEE, THANKS.
I WISH YOU'D HAVE
THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE.
SO DO I.
[canned laughter]
HERE'S THE BIRTHDAY
CANDLES, MOMMY.
OH, ALL RIGHT, ANGEL.
NOW, PUT THEM AWAY
UNTIL THE FROSTING IS DONE.
MMM, BIRTHDAYS
ARE FUN, AREN'T THEY?
THEY ARE UNTIL YOU
GET TOO MANY OF THEM.
MARGARET?
COAST CLEAR, HONEY?
IT IS RIGHT NOW, DEAR.
BETTY SHOULD BE HERE ANY MINUTE.
I GOT HER THE SWEATER,
MOM. GOOD FOR YOU, SON.
WHY, WHAT A PRODUCTION,
BUYING A SWEATER IS.
IT WAS MORE WORK THAN
MOWING ALL 15 LAWNS.
HOW ABOUT BEATING
THIS FOR A WHILE?
IS THAT, THAT 7-MINUTE STUFF?
THAT'S RIGHT, YOU JUST HAVE
TWO MORE MINUTES TO GO.
IT DOESN'T MAKE MUCH SENSE.
YOU SPEND SEVEN MINUTES
BEATING SOMETHING,
AND IT TAKES TWO
MINUTES TO EAT IT.
DON'T TALK BEAT.
HI, DADDY!
HELLO, KATHY.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M GIVING BETTY, DADDY?
YOUR PRICED COLLECTION OF ROCKS?
NOPE, SOMETHING
MUCH BIGGER THAN THAT.
OH, BIGGER ROCKS?
HMM, YOU'LL SEE.
MOM, I THINK MY
ARMS ARE PARALYZED.
OH, BUD, HERE I'LL
FINISH IT FOR YOU.
I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO
COLLAPSE ON BETTY'S BIRTHDAY.
IT'S PROBABLY BROKEN.
BETTY SHOULD BE HERE
BY NOW, MARGARET.
I KNOW, DEAR.
I'LL BET SHE'D BE
SURPRISED BY ALL OF THIS.
SURPRISE?
WE GO THROUGH THIS
ROUTINE EVERY YEAR.
BETTY CUTS CLASS
TO RUSH HOME EARLY,
AND WE ALL HIDE IN THE KITCHEN,
SO SHE'LL THINK WE'VE
FORGOTTEN IT'S HER BIRTHDAY.
THEN SHE COMES IN THE
FRONT DOOR AND HOLLERS,
"HELLO EVERYBODY,
WHERE ARE YOU?"
AND DAD, YOU TELL HER
NOT TO COME IN THE KITCHEN,
OF COURSE, THAT
BRINGS HER IN RIGHT AWAY,
BECAUSE SHE CAN'T
WAIT TO GET HER HANDS
ON THE LOOT SHE'S GONNA GET.
BUD, IF YOU'LL GO ON, YOU'LL
BREAK YOUR MAIN SPRING.
[door slams]
HELLO EVERYBODY, WHERE ARE YOU?
[canned laughter] HERE SHE IS.
BETTY, WE'RE ALL IN THE KITCHEN,
BUT WHATEVER YOU DO,
DON'T COME OUT HERE.
OKAY, FATHER.
SAY, SHE WASN'T
SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT?
OH, SHE'S PROBABLY JUST TEASING.
WELL, COME ON,
KATHY, BUD, LIGHTEN UP,
SO WE CAN SING WHEN
SHE COMES OUT, COME ON.
AND THIS TIME SING
HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
NOT STAR-SPANGLED BANNER
THE WAY YOU DID LAST TIME.
I WILL, I WILL.
BETTY, WHATEVER YOU
DO, DON'T COME OUT HERE.
I WON'T, FATHER.
SAY, THIS ISN'T
ACCORDING TO PLAN.
BETTY?
OH, WHY DON'T COME
IN HERE, FATHER?
UH, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE
YOU'VE FORGOTTEN,
WHAT, UH, DAY THIS IS.
HAVE YOU, BETTY? NO, FATHER,
EIGHTEEN YEARS AGO
TODAY, I WAS BORN.
THEN YOU ARE AWARE
THAT THIS IS A SPECIAL DAY.
OF COURSE, I'M
AWARE OF IT, FATHER.
PRIMITIVE SOCIETIES
REFER TO IT AS A BIRTHDAY.
BUT BEING MODERN, IN MY THINKING
I BELIEVE TODAY SHOULD
NOT BE ANY DIFFERENT
THAN ANY OTHER DAY.
ALL RIGHT, BETTY,
I'VE HEARD ALL OF THIS
MEDIEVAL PRIMITIVE NONSENSE,
I CARE TO HEAR.
NOW, LET US BRING
IN YOUR PRESENTS
AND HAVE A HAPPY
BIRTHDAY AS WE ALWAYS DO.
IT ISN'T NONSENSE, FATHER.
I THINK THE WAY I FEEL
MAKES A LOT OF SENSE
IF YOU'LL JUST LET ME EXPLAIN.
I THINK WE OUGHT
TO CALL A DOCTOR.
BE QUIET, BUD.
I JUST THINK THAT DOING
AWAY WITH THESE CEREMONIES
THAT ARE OUTDATED WOULD
SAVE EVERY ONE A LOT OF TROUBLE.
YOU MEAN I MOWED ALL 15
LAWNS AND GOT THESE BLISTERS,
AND NOW YOU DON'T
WANNA TAKE MY PRESENT?
THAT PROVES MY POINT.
NOW, SURELY YOU DIDN'T
ENJOY DOING ALL THAT WORK?
MOM, HAS THERE EVER BEEN
ANY INSANITY IN THE FAMILY?
NOT UNTIL NOW.
I WANTED TO GIVE YOU A PRESENT.
I HAD NO IDEA
THIS WAS GONNA HAVE SUCH
AN EFFECT ON ALL OF YOU.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE
YOU FEEL BAD, HONEST.
IF YOU'RE GONNA
TAKE IT THIS WAY,
I-I'LL ACCEPT YOUR GIFTS.
NO, BETTY, I DON'T
THINK ANY OF US
WANNA GIVE YOU
PRESENTS ON THAT BASIS.
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE
ME, I THINK I'LL GO IN THE DEN
BEFORE I SUCCUMB TO A RATHER
PRIMITIVE IMPULSE THAT I HAVE.
[canned laughter]
♪ ♪
FATHER, PLEASE
LET ME TALK TO YOU.
ALL RIGHT, BETTY, COME IN.
♪ ♪
FATHER, YOU'VE ALWAYS SAID
WHAT THIS COUNTRY
NEEDS IS THINKERS.
PEOPLE WHO CAN CONTRIBUTE NEW
THOUGHTS AND EXPRESS NEW IDEAS,
ISN'T THAT RIGHT?
IF THEY'RE CONSTRUCTIVE
IDEAS AND THOUGHTS, YES.
ALL I'M TRYING TO DO IS
HAVE NEW IDEAS TO BENEFIT
FROM WHAT I'M
LEARNING AT COLLEGE.
PROFESSOR BROWN HAS BEEN
LECTURING TO US THE PAST WEEK
ON THE ORIGIN OF MANY
OF OUR CUSTOMS TODAY.
AND IT SEEMS TO ME
THAT WE'RE CLINGING
TO A LOT OF EMPTY RITUALS
THAT STARTED CENTURIES AGO,
RITUALS THAT DON'T
MEAN A THING TODAY.
LIKE BIRTHDAYS?
BIRTHDAYS... CHRISTMAS.
YOU WANNA DO AWAY
WITH CHRISTMAS, TOO?
I JUST WANNA DO AWAY
WITH THE COMMERCIAL ASPECT
OF BIRTHDAYS AND CHRISTMASES.
YOU SAID YOURSELF, FATHER,
LAST YEAR, WHEN WE WENT TO
THE WOODS TO GET OUR OWN TREE
THAT PEOPLE HAD FORGOTTEN
THE REAL MEANING OF CHRISTMAS.
I DIDN'T SAY DO AWAY
WITH CHRISTMAS?
[sighs]
LOOK... WHAT HAPPENS
EVERY CHRISTMAS?
EVERYBODY RUSHES AROUND LIKE MAD
TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT
SO-AND-SO IS GIVING HIM,
SO THAT HE CAN
GIVE SO-AND-SO A GIFT
THAT COSTS JUST AS MUCH.
BY THE TIME CHRISTMAS
ARRIVES, EVERYONE IS EXHAUSTED,
MAD AND IN DEBT.
IT TAKES ALL YEAR TO RECOVER.
AND BY THE TIME YOU DO
IT, IT'S CHRISTMAS AGAIN.
ISN'T THAT THE WAY IT IS?
AND HOW DO YOU THINK THIS
SITUATION SHOULD BE CORRECTED?
WELL, I THINK THAT IT ISN'T
NECESSARY TO GIVE GIFTS
TO PROVE WE LOVE ONE ANOTHER.
IN OTHER WORDS,
WE SHOULD HAVE A PRACTICAL
APPROACH TO EVERYTHING?
THAT'S RIGHT.
MM-HMM.
ALL RIGHT, BETTY,
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
WE'LL TRY YOUR THEORY.
LET'S SEE HOW IT WORKS.
I'LL INFORM YOUR MOTHER
WE'RE TO HAVE A MODERN
CIVILIZED BIRTHDAY.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[door closes]
♪ ♪
THIS IS A WONDERFUL
DINNER, MOTHER.
WELL, THANKS, BETTY.
JUST BACON AND
EGGS, NOTHING SPECIAL.
IF IT WERE SO WONDERFUL,
WHY DIDN'T YOU EAT IT?
WELL, I... I HAD A MILKSHAKE
BEFORE I CAME HOME.
I GUESS IT SPOILED MY APPETITE.
MY APPETITE'S SPOILED TOO,
BUT IT WASN'T THE
MILKSHAKE THAT DID IT.
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FRIED
CHICKEN WE WERE GONNA HAVE?
I PUT IT IN THE
DEEP FREEZE, ANGEL.
I THOUGHT WE'D SAVE IT FOR AN
IMPORTANT OCCASION SOMETIME.
I AM READY FOR
DESSERT, MARGARET.
DO WE HAVE ANYTHING?
OH, I MADE A CAKE TODAY, DEAR.
I'LL GET IT.
WHAT GOOD'S A CAKE
WITHOUT ANY FROSTING?
YOU MEAN, I STOOD
OVER THAT HOT STOVE
BEATING THAT STUFF FOR HOURS
AND WE'RE NOT GONNA HAVE IT?
IT'S JUST AN ORDINARY CAKE, BUD.
YOU TOOK OF OFF ALL THE
CANDLES AND THE DECORATIONS TOO.
THAT'S RIGHT, DEAR.
THEY MADE IT LOOK SORT OF SILLY.
I DON'T WANT ANY OLD CAKE.
I'M GOING OUTSIDE AND PLAY.
[dramatic music]
BUD, WANT SOME CAKE?
NO, THANKS, MOM.
GOT TO GO OUTSIDE AND
OIL UP THE LAWNMOWER.
IT'S IN PRETTY BAD SHAPE.
BETTY, WHAT ABOUT YOU,
READY FOR SOME
CAKE? [door slams shut]
I DON'T BELIEVE SO, MOTHER.
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I... I
HAVE SOME HOMEWORK TO DO.
♪ ♪
BETTY... YOU'RE EXCUSED, BETTY.
♪ ♪
THANK YOU.
♪ ♪
[running footsteps]
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[knocking]
WHO IS IT?
CAN I TALK TO YOU
A MINUTE, BETTY?
OH, OF COURSE, FATHER.
COME ON IN.
PRINCESS, UM...
WILL YOU DO SOMETHING FOR ME?
OH, ANYTHING, FATHER.
WHAT IS IT?
I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT
SOME OF YOUR THEORIES
AND YOU JUST ABOUT
CONVINCED ME, YOU'RE RIGHT.
OH? MAYBE IT IS A LITTLE SILLY
AND PRIMITIVE TO GO THROUGH
FORMALITIES OUT OF HABIT.
OH, I COULD BE
WRONG TOO, FATHER.
IT WAS JUST AN IDEA.
IT'S GOOD TO HAVE IDEAS.
BUT THERE'S A SLIGHT PROBLEM...
THAT'S KATHY.
YOU SEE KATHY IS TOO
YOUNG TO UNDERSTAND
THAT SENTIMENT IS BASED
ON COMMERCIAL GAIN.
WHEN SHE'S OLDER,
IF PEOPLE GO ALONG WITH
YOUR THINKING ON THE SUBJECT,
SHE'LL UNDERSTAND THAT
NO ONE EVER GIVES A PRESENT
TO SHOW AFFECTION OR LOVE.
BUT, RIGHT NOW, SHE
IS JUST A LITTLE GIRL
WITH A PRESENT SHE WANTS
TO GIVE TO HER BIG SISTER.
[dramatic music]
YOUR MOTHER AND I CAN TAKE
BACK THE PRESENT WE BOUGHT YOU.
BUD'S BLISTERS...
HE GOT, UH, MOWING LAWNS
TO BUY YOU A PRESENT,
WILL UNDOUBTEDLY HEAL.
BUT, UH, A LITTLE GIRL'S HEART
NEVER MENDS WHEN IT'S BROKEN.
♪ ♪
YOU WANT ME TO
ACCEPT KATHY'S GIFT?
I THINK IT WOULD BE
VERY NICE IF YOU DID.
OF COURSE, I WILL.
I'LL GO RIGHT DOWNSTAIRS NOW...
OH, IT WON'T BE NECESSARY.
SHE'LL BRING IT UP TO YOU.
KATHY!
AND REMEMBER, SHE ONLY HAD
25 CENTS TO SPEND ON A PRESENT,
SO IT WON'T BE VERY MUCH.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT IS.
♪ ♪
COME IN, KITTEN.
♪ ♪
I'M GLAD YOU'RE GONNA
TAKE MY PRESENT, BETTY.
♪ ♪
I REALLY WANT IT
VERY MUCH, KATHY.
I THINK IT'S AWFULLY SWEET OF
YOU TO SPEND YOUR ALLOWANCE
TO GET ME SOMETHING.
♪ ♪
OH...
YOU MUST HAVE MADE
A MISTAKE, HONEY.
THIS IS THE HEART YOU WON,
YOU MUSTN'T GIVE IT TO ME.
YOU SAID YOU
WANTED IT, DIDN'T YOU?
♪ ♪
IF I WON IT.
THIS IS MY BIRTHDAY
PRESENT TO YOU.
BUT YOU LOVE IT SO
MUCH, I KNOW YOU DO.
WHY DO YOU WANNA GIVE IT TO ME?
'CAUSE IT MAKES ME
FEEL GOOD INSIDE.
♪ ♪
OH, THANK YOU.
♪ ♪
NOW, LET'S GO
DOWNSTAIRS NOW, KATHY.
♪ ♪
FATHER I...
GOODNIGHT, BETTY.
AND, UH, THANK YOU.
♪ ♪
[music box playing
"Happy Birthday"]
I DON'T KNOW IF SHE'S
COMING DOWN, JIM.
SHE WILL BE DOWN.
I KNOW WHAT'S WRONG
WITH THIS WORLD, GIRLS.
[canned laughter]
[door opens, shuts close]
♪ ♪
DEAR, I THINK WE'RE
MAKING IT TOO HARD ON HER.
WELL, MAYBE YOU'RE
RIGHT, MARGARET.
HMM, SOME PARTY THIS IS.
BETTY!
YES, FATHER.
DON'T YOU DARE COME DOWN HERE
AND SEE THE PRESENTS WE
HAVE FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
MOTHER.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, PRINCESS.
[chuckles]
WELCOME BACK TO CIVILIZATION.
[chuckles]
♪ ♪
GEE WIZ.
WHAT'S EVERYBODY BALLING FOR?
I THOUGHT BIRTHDAYS
WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY.
I'M HAPPY.
OH, I AM, TOO.
[laughter]
OH, THIS HAS BEEN SUCH
A WONDERFUL BIRTHDAY.
WHY, I GUESS IT'S A CUSTOM
THAT'S HERE TO STAY, BETTY.
AND THERE'S
ANOTHER CUSTOM I LIKE,
ONE THAT'S BEEN
GOING ON FOR YEARS.
YEAH. SIT DOWN HERE, HONEY.
SOMETHING I HOPE NEVER CHANGES.
CLOSE YOUR EYES.
[background music
"Happy Birthday"]
♪ ♪
NOW, YOU CAN OPEN
YOUR EYES, BETTY.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BETTY!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BETTY!
[laughs] MAKE A WISH, BETTY.
♪ ♪
I WISH THAT EVERYBODY COULD
HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIKE THIS.
♪ ♪
[applaud]
[theme music]
♪ ♪